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Zack set out early the next day to buy his new money-making machine. (i.e. the cow) The farmer was reluctant to sell the animal to Zack, for he was a SOLDIER and the man was afraid the cow would be used for military purposes. It took an hour of convincing the farmer that he was a responsible young man and the cow would have a wonderful life grazing the fields near base camp. The farmer sighed, but agreed.
"Well, if yer gonna raise a cow, ya gotta have the basics."
The farmer started checking off a list of things Zack would have to purchase in order to maintain his cow. By the time he had finished reading the list and the price for each item, Zack had gasped twice, stumbled once, choked three times, cracked his knuckles, bit his tongue, and was dripping in sweat.
Cows were kinda expensive.
"C'mon, girl!" Zack chirped, pulling on the rope attached to the cow's neck. The bulky animal grunted and slowly followed after her new master. "You need a name. Something other than Bessy or Isabelle, though...something...original." He stopped suddenly, focusing on finding the right name.
"Zack?"
His head shot up upon hearing his friend call. "Hey, Cloud!"
"Is..." Cloud walked as close as he could, not able to believe that there was a cow in front of him. "Is that a cow?"
"Nope, it's a mutant gopher." Zack chuckled. "Of course it's a cow!"
The younger man wrinkled his brow in confusion. "Okay....."
"Isn't she cute?" he cooed. "...I've got it!" Zack yelled suddenly, surprising Cloud so much he almost fell over. "Her name is Barbara Marie Yvonne Rebecca Pretty Pretty Dancing Terry Sue!"
"Pretty Pretty Dancing?"
"Original, huh?" Zack grinned. "I'll call her BMYRPPDTS for short."
"Why don't you just call her Barbie?" Cloud suggested.
Zack nodded slightly, folding his arms across his chest. "Yeah, that works, too....Hey, you wanna be my first customer?"
"What am I buying?" asked Cloud, taking a step back.
Zack smiled and patted Barbie's head. "How about some military base-fresh milk?"
40 gil. Not bad for the first day.
The First Class SOLDIER strolled cautiously down the hall, dragging the cow with him. He just hoped that he could fit Barbie through his door. This wasn't the original plan, keeping the cow in his apartment, but the general was out in the field with some other soldiers, and Zack thought it better that he wait.
After 20 minutes of pushing and shoving, Barbie finally squeezed through the door and began exploring her new home.
"Whew," Zack breathed, going over to check the messages on his answering machine. "Hmm. Aeris called again. Better get back to her." He took one last glance at Barbie, making sure she wasn't causing any trouble, then picked up the phone and punched in Aeris' number.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Aer, it's Zack."
"Oh, hi! I just called to see if-"
Mooooo!!!
She paused. "What was that?"
"What was what?" he asked innocently.
"I heard a 'moo'....You bought a cow, didn't you, Zachary!"
"Um..."
"What are you going to do when that animal eats you out of house and home?" she asked angrily.
Honestly, it was like she was his mother. "Seph'll spot me a couple hundred..."
"Not after the mouse incident, he won't!"
He jumped. "You heard about that?"
"I can't believe- No, I can believe you'd buy a cow."
"What's the big deal? You got somethin' against cows?"
"It's just...Zack, you couldn't keep your rock garden alive, how do you expect to take care of a cow?"
"Hey, now that wasn't my fault!" he shouted defensively. "I forgot about it being on the floor when I went to sweep, that's all."
"I give up. Maybe you should keep the cow. You're so protective of it..." She trailed off.
"Thanks, Aeris, I knew you'd understand!"
A sudden knock at the door gave Zack a means of escape.
"Somebody's here. I'll talk to ya later!" he said, hanging up abruptly. Zack made sure the cow was in the kitchen before he swung open the door.
"Uh, Sephiroth!" he choked. "What's up?"
The general stared at him with a strange expression on his face. "There's an odd smell coming from the hallway. What are you cooking?"
"Cooking? I'm not cooking anything."
"There's only one thing that smells as bad as this and that's your cooking," Sephiroth replied, grinning slightly.
Mooooo!!!
Zack cussed mentally. That stupid cow had the worst timing!
"What was that?"
"What was what?" asked Zack, feeling an overwhelming sensation of déjà vu.
"That noise. It sounded like..." The general switched his position, trying to get a better look inside the apartment.
"Aw, that was just Barbie!" Zack blurted.
Sephiroth raised an eyebrow and leaned in closer, thinking he hadn't heard correctly. "Who?"
"My...uh...girlfriend, Barbie."
"I thought you were dating someone named Aeris." Sephiroth eyed him suspiciously.
"Oh, yeah," Zack mumbled dumbly, not knowing what to say.
The general backed away and asked the question Zack feared most: "Shouldn't you be giving a course in materia usage right now?"
All Zack could think about during the lesson was his close call with Sephiroth. He was incredibly lucky the general just shrugged it off and didn't ask to search the apartment. The bad thing, though, was that Sephiroth refused to leave until he made sure Zack went to class. So now Barbie was left all alone, unsupervised, in Zack's apartment.
"What does red do again?" a student yelled from the back of the room.
"Summons magic," Zack muttered.
"I thought you said green did that!"
"Yeah, whatever!" he snapped.
The kid wrinkled his brow. "How did you get to First Class if you don't know your materia?"
"I dunno- I mean, I do know my materia, I'm just a little preoccupied right now..." Zack couldn't stop thinking about all the cow pies he'd have to clean up when he returned.
"Preoccupied by what?" the boy asked.
"I was thinking about the tragic results a hoard of rabid monkeys would have on the Shinra Building," he retorted. "And how the price of mangos has skyrocketed."
The boy, somewhat afraid of angering his teacher further, replied, "...Oh."
After rushing through the halls and pounding the elevator button mercilessly, Zack finally arrived back at his door. He threw the door open, expecting to be greeted by the cow and overwhelmed by the smell, but....
Nothing.
Literally, nothing. No smell, no mess-
"No cow!"
Leave it to Zack to lose a cow. ^^;; I wonder what happened to it...
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