|
Crossovers From Hell (and How to Cope With Them) (Dis)claimer: I own everything. I'm an author! Vwee hee hee!! Notes: This is what happens when you try to multi-task at around 3 a.m. after eating way too much chocolate. Kids, don't try this at home! what you are watching is a professionally trained idiot! Chapter One: FFVII meets Pokemon (Even though this has been done) Narrator: Well, the FFVII group is lost, and it's their own stupid fault. They let Cloud lead the way. Tifa: He's right ya know. We'd be much better off if we ditched the dumb blond. Aeris: But he's one of us. You don't abandon your friends. Yuffie: [points to Aeris] While we're at it, how about losing the little 'gardening hoe'? [Aeris starts to cry...loud.] Aeris: WWWWHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cid: DAMMIT!! Why'd you @[email protected]#%%in' have to get her @^&*$(%$#in' started?! Vincent: [to the author] Can I just kill them all? Author: Because...if you kill them, then you get beaten up later by the mystery guests. You want that? Author: Dangit! It's 'miss'!! I'm about ten years younger than you!! Red XIII: Vincent, are you arguing with the voices in your head again? [Suddenly, Sephiroth appears.] Sephiroth: Don't worry, I only plan to kill Cloud and Aeris again...Unless Cid ticks me off... Sephiroth: Nice. Anyway... [He is interuppted by Tifa screaming. Everyone turns to see a weird looking rat staring eerily at her.] Cat Sith: What is that? Looks tasty... Yuffie: If you try to eat that thing in front of me, I will kill you. Literally. Cloud: Well, better kill it. It might be evil. Vincent: You don't even know what it is, yet you want to destroy it? Cid: #[email protected]%#%& creature!! Aeris: Let's give it a name. We'll call it... ... ...Fluffy! Red XIII: You're stupidity never ceases to amaze me... [Fluffy walks slowly over to Tifa. Then it clamps onto her leg and starts...well...I don't have to go into gory detail. If you do't know what I'm talkng about, watch the skunk scene in Mystery Men.] [Just then, three kids run into the scene.] Kid 1: Hey! What aer you doing to my Pikachu?! Tifa: o.O!! What am I doing to it?! Kid 2: Um...Ash, I think Pikachu's getting a bit lonely these days... Kid 3: [smiles at Tifa] Can I be next? [Tifa kicks the Pikachu off her leg and punches Kid 3 (Brock)] Ash: You kicked my Pikachu!! Red XIII: Well, she had every right! Cid: It was $&##ing her leg!! Sephiroth: Heh heh heh... Yuffie: That is so disgusting!! Cloud: Damn funny though... Tifa: Keep that rat away from me! Brock: [lovestruck] What's your name?? Tifa: [annoyed] I'm Tifa Lockhart, adn if you don't stay away from me, I'll kick your a-- Aeris: [interrupts] We're a bit lost, you see. Could you tell us where we are? Kid 2 (Misty): You're in the Viridian Forest. Cat Sith: [fwaps Cloud] See? We're way off course! Ash: You hurt Pikachu! I challenge you to a battle! Sephiroth: This'll be fun to watch... Vincent: [glares at the author] Now?? Ash: I choose...Pikachu!! [Cloud pulls out his B.A.S. (Big Ass Sword).] Ash: Pikachu! Thunderbolt!! [Pikachu zaps Cloud's sword, which connects to him, sending huge amounts of voltage to his body. He collapses in a heap on the ground.] Aeris: [checks Coud's pulse] he's dead!! FFVII cast (except Aeris): YAY!!!! Ash: I win that one. Next I chose...Charizard!! [Ash throws out a Pokeball, and Charizard pops out.] Aeris: You killed Cloud! Now you're gonna pay!! [Charizard Flamethrows her. She twitches, then realizes her hair is on fire. She runs around crying, then crashes into a tree and falls unconsious.] [Sephiroth and Vincent step up.] Ash: Wanna fight double, huh? Misty: I'll help. I got a crappy part in this fic. Brock: [pushes Misty into aother tree] I'll do it, to prove that I'm worthy of Tifa's love!! [Brock throws another Pokeball, revealing Vulpix.] [Charizard rushes to tacle Sephiroth. Seph sidesteps, and Charizard trips. Sephiroth takes out his Masamune and makes Curly Fries out of Charizard.] Ash: AAAHHH!!! You killed my Pokemon!! Sephiroth: [smirks] What you gonna do 'bout it? Brock: I'll get 'em for you Ash! Vulpix- use a Fire Spin! [Vulpix readies to attack, but Vincent grabs it by the neck with his claw. He squeezes until Vulpix's head explodes.] Brock: [crying] VULPIX!!!! Cid: #[email protected]%%$IN' crybaby!! Misty: [regains consiousness] I'll fight her! [Misty calls out her Starmie.] Yuffie: Ooh! Looks like a Suriken. You like to play with Shurikens?? [Yuffie takes out four Shurikens. She throws them expertly, pinning Misty to a nearby tree.] Yuffie: [to Starmie] Give up the battle, or she gets it! Yuffie: [takes out another Shuriken] What? Red XIII: Three to two. I believe that's a win for us. Vincent: [sighs] If you don't leave us alone, I will be forced to mix a mentally disturbed mindframe with extreme violence. Tifa: HEY!!! This one pinched my butt!! Brock: [is standing behind Tifa] Did not!! Vincent/Sphiroth: [both glare at the author] Now?? Author:... ... ... ...Now. [Sephiroth draws Masamune and Vincent turns into Chaos. The screen fades to black as we hear Ash, Misty and Brock scream in terror.] A/N: End Crossover One. Stay tuned for the next chapter...if there is a next chapter. I'll do one if I get enough reviews. I apologize to any Poke-fans I horribly scarred for life. Flames will be laughed at. And then I will send Chaos to your home to eat you like a snack. That's enough insanity from me for one day...not. ~Karuri-chan (the disturbed) |
Crossovers Fom Hell (and How to Cope With Them)
By: Karu Leonnese