|
Chapter Three (it onmy gets worse from here!) [Well, if you've read the other two chapters, then you know that our heroes are stil lost in the land of Animes.] Cloud: I gotta go to the bathroom! Tifa: Remind me why the author keeps bringing you and your little 'gardening hoe' girlfriend back to life? Red XIII: We think that the Cloud/Aeris fans are bribing her. Author: [shoves a small bag into her pocket] That's rediculous!! Cloud: I still gotta go potty... Sephiroth: [fwaps Cloud] Shut up man! You're acting like a five year-old!! [They come to a small house (conveinent, huh?).] Yuffie: Should we even ask? Cait Sith: [shakes his head] I don't figure this is gonna be any different than before... Cid: Well, it might. maybe the author could write a fic without any @#%@#%%in' typos for once! [A wild Chocobo runs over Cid.] Cid: Dammit woman! What the hell was that for?! Author: Don't make fun of my typing skills! Aeris: [mutters] It's a wonder she passed typing class... [A herd of wild Chocobos stomp on Aeris.] Author: [grinning maniacally] What's that? Vincent: Let's just get this over with please. [Vincent knocks on the door. A small girl, around thirteen with long black hair answers it.] Tifa: Um...hi. we were traveling, and [points to Cloud] the blond here has to use the restroom. Can we use yours? Girl: I guess so...unless any of you are evil spirits. [Sephiroth whistles innocently.] Yuffie: Nah. The only one you should worry about got killed by a herd of Chocobos. [Another girl walks to the door. She looks to be around seventeen.] Girl 2: Skuld, who's at the door? Skuld: Some people want to use our bathroom. Girl 2: Well, let them in. [turns to the VII crew] I'm Belldandy, and this is my sister Skuld. [Everyone goes inside. Cloud runs to the direction Belldandy points in for the bathroom.] Belldandy: Would you all like some tea? Cid: Now you're @#%$in' talkin'! Vincent: [fwaps Cid] Yes please. [Belldandy goes to the kitchen to make tea. A boy around eighteen and a woman about twenty-one enter the room, arguing to each other.] [They see the crew sitting in the living room.] Belldandy: Keiichi, Urd, these are some travelers. One of tehm had to use the restroom, so they stopped here. [As if on cue, Cloud erturns to the living room, smile of releif on his face.] Cloud: I'm done. [notices Urd] Wow!! [He starts to drool. Tifa smacks him.] Tifa: You idiot. don't get yuor drool all over these nice people's carpet! [Sephiroth starts walkking around the room, exploring (a.k.a. looking for junk to steal). Suddenly a loud SQUISH sounds from his foot. He lifts up his foot to see a small chibi-thing, now parading as mush.] Skuld: You killed a house spirit! Sephiroth: Shit. I'm sorry... Belldandy: I'm sure he didn't mean it... [Sephiroth sees another chibi and squishes that one too. He giggles.] Keiichi: Looks to me like he did. Urd: [moves over to Cloud] Who might you be? Cloud: I'm Cloud, the world's greatest hero! Urd: [frowns] You're no fun. [Urd chants something, and Cloud is immediately jolted with a bolt of lightning.] Cloud: [coughs up smoke all cartoon-like] I...hate...lighting... Author: Well, I've almost filled my quota... Skuld: [frowns at Sephiroth] You'll pay for killing innocent house spirits! [She chants, and Sephiroth suddenly has the word 'jerk' plastered to his forehead.] Red XIII: This looks like a start of another battle... Vincent: [as sarcastically as possible] Wow. Who saw that coming? [Sephiroth takes out Masamune and makes shishcabob out of poor Skuld.] Urd: You bastard, you killed my sister! [She starts chanting again, but Tifa upper-cuts her in the jaw.] Cait Sith: It's nice how we come into other people's habitats and kill them. Yuffie: [stuffing random things in her pockets quietly] Yeah. Belldandy: Would everyone calm down please! [Yuffie flings a vase at her, and she get knocked out.] [Red notices how hungry he is, then chases after Keiichi, who is screaming like a girl.] Vincent: This si gettign out of hand. Cid: You're @!$% tellin' me! The damn author is @#[email protected]#$in' crazy!! Cid: Are [email protected]$%in' too! Author: Not always-more-than-you-infinity-plus-one! [Red returns to the scene.] Cait Sith: I don't see what you like about the taste of those damned humans... Urd: [punches Tifa in the stomach] I will not be beaten by a mear HUMAN!!! [Tifa gets wicked pissed and uses Final Hevean (which I have no idea what it does, but humor me here, people...). The surviving VII cast runs out of the house as it explodes.] Vincent: [blinks] Well. That was fun. Tifa: Let's get out of here. Red XIII: [to Cait] You should really try it sometime. It's kinda salty, but it has a certain sweetness to it. Yuffie: [runs over to Cid] Hey, look at all the cool stuff I swiped! Wanna buy it? Cid: Dammit. I hate kids. Cid: Dammit. I hate demi-god wannabes. Author: Cloud, you're dead. Cloud: Aw, damn. Do I have to be? [Cloud drops to the ground dead. The others continue on their meaningless journey.] A/N: Stop me now, before I strike again!! Closing note: "It's not what you're doing so much as the idiotic way you're doing it." ~Vincent |
Crossovers Fom Hell (and How to Cope With Them)
By: Karu Leonnese