DESTINY
Chapter 14
Through the length of their return trip, Lucas continuously glanced at Dara. She had remained impassive since her father's funeral the day before, even when she bid farewell to her sisters she had done nothing more than embrace them briefly, nodding indifferently when they promised to visit after the babies were born. He was certain that the dam holding her emotions back would break at any minute, but he couldn't see any suggestion of it by the appearance of calmness she now wore.
Dara had noticed her husband's constant perusal, deciding to put an end to the annoying way he continuously watched her, she stated tritely, "I assure you, I'm quite all right. I won't have a case of hysterics, if that's your concern."
Lucas turned to her in surprise; he had never heard the sharp tone in her voice that he now heard, not even when she was so irritable before the discovery of her pregnancy. Understanding the reasoning behind her attitude, he replied softly, "I wasn't expecting you to, you just seem very withdrawn and quiet. You hardly cried at the funeral, I'm just worried that you're holding this all in."
Dara turned a cold gaze on him, "I'm quite capable of handling my emotions. Thank you."
Lucas shook his head, deciding that nothing would be accomplished by arguing with her, except to upset her; he decided to remain silent for the remainder of the trip. When they arrived home Dara quickly got out of the car, leaving Lucas to deal with their luggage.
Caleb, having heard their car, raced out of the house to greet them. He had reached out to hug Dara when he saw the foreboding look on her face, causing him to pull back and opt to help his father with the luggage instead. Nodding towards the door he inquired, "What's the matter with her? She's acting real mad about something."
Lucas shook his head, "I think she's holding in her grief over her father's death, Caleb."
Caleb glanced at his father in concern, "Is she going to be OK?"
Lucas, noticing the look of deep concern in his son's eyes, sought to relieve his anxieties. "I'm sure she will, we just need to be understanding and give her a little time to come to grips with her feelings."
Lucilla came from the kitchen to greet them, glancing around she asked, "Where's Dara?"
Motioning to the top of the stairs, Lucas stated, "She went straight to our bedroom. Just leave her alone for a little while; she's not handling her father's death all that well. She's keeping everything bottled up inside right now."
Lucilla considered her grandson's statement, "All right, you know what's best I suppose."
Later that evening, when the evening meal was ready, Lucas went in search of his wife. Finding her in the small room that had been converted to an office for her, he informed her brightly, "Darlin, mama has supper ready. Let's go in."
Dara looked up from the pile of file folders in front of her, "You go on, I'm not hungry right now." I'll fix a plate later."
Lucas sighed in frustration as he pointed out, "Dara, you haven't eaten since early this morning, that's not good for you or the babies. Now, come on and eat something."
Dara looked up from the stack of papers she had been reading. Narrowing her gaze, she inquired icily, "Really, and just exactly how many times have you been pregnant? What in the hell would you know about what I do or don't need to do? I'll eat when I'm damned good and ready, so until then, LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!" She had practically screamed the last of her statement at him.
Lucas decided that the best course of action was to put some space between himself and his wife. Informing Caleb and Lucilla that he would eat later, as would Dara, he grabbed his jacket and stalked out the door.
Caleb looked at his great-grandmother, "Mama, do you think everything is going to be ok between them?"
Lucilla shook her head, "I hope so, Caleb. Those two wouldn't do good separated from each other."
For lack of a better place to go, Lucas decided to go to the office to check in and catch up on paperwork.
Slamming the front door against the inner wall of the reception area, Lucas surprised not only Floyd, but Ben as well, with the intensity of his anger.
Ben, recovering quickly, exclaimed, "Lucas, we weren't expecting you back this soon. How's Dara doing?"
Glaring at his deputy for mentioning her name, Lucas replied acidly, "None of your damned business. Bring me the reports so I can sign off on them." Heading to his office, he closed the door with enough force to rattle the glass in its frame. Sitting in his chair, he allowed his gaze to roam over the desk until it settled on a photo of Dara, taken on their wedding day. Taking the photo in his hand, he studied the expression the photographer had managed to capture. Her smile indicated that she had a special secret hidden in her heart, which had placed the smile on her lips and the brightness in her eyes.
Ben timidly opened the door, having knocked and not hearing a reply. Seeing that Lucas was engrossed in his thoughts he understood why he hadn't received an invitation to enter. Standing before the desk, he cautiously intruded on the other man's thoughts. "Lucas, here are the reports."
Lucas glanced up at his deputy, "Ben, close the door." When he had complied, Lucas further directed, "Have a seat, I want to ask you something." Ben sat patiently, waiting for Lucas' inquiry.
Lucas turned the photo in his hand towards Ben, "Ben, you know when I met her I thought she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. I think you guessed that she had me hooked from the time she said 'hello'."
Ben nodded his agreement, recalling the way Lucas had looked that day he had first seen Dara. Watching as Lucas sat the photo back in its place, Ben was shocked by his next inquiry.
"So what's changed in her, Ben?"
Ben, not certain as to his meaning, asked, "You don't find her attractive anymore?"
Lucas looked at the man in bewilderment, "Hell no, if anything I think she's more beautiful and desirable now than ever, if that was ever possible. Her personality seems to have changed, she used to be so sweet and loving, now she's irritable and down right bitchy. I told her it was time to eat tonight and she literally screamed at me to leave her alone. She's never raised her voice since we've been married, even when we've disagreed."
Ben sat back and considered Lucas' revelations of his wife's behavior, then remembering something Caleb had disclosed to him, he inquired, "Lucas, didn't she have to sign the consent form for her father's surgery?"
Lucas nodded, "Yeah, I know she didn't want to, but he wanted the surgery and she couldn't say no."
Ben glanced at him questioningly, "Ever consider that maybe she blames herself, she probably feels like she signed her name to her father's death warrant." Pointing out some other aspects, he continued, "You have to realize too, so far she's lost her mother, almost her own life, and now her father. Plus, she's pregnant which means she's raging inside from the mood swings anyway. Just give her some time, she'll be back to normal soon."
Lucas considered his statement a moment, then got up as he stated, "Ben, I'm going home. I'll see you tomorrow."
When he arrived home, Lucas was in a considerably lighter mood then when he had left, but when he entered his house and saw the looks on his son and grandmother's face, he knew before anything was said, that something was seriously wrong.
Lucilla confirmed his suspicions, "We just called the station, you need to get in there. I think there's something really wrong with her."
Caleb nodded his agreement of his grandmother's statement, "She ain't acting right and she's drinking."
Lucas hurried to the study to find his wife sitting on the sofa, pouring over books of family photos and drinking a glass of wine. He knew when he saw the bottle that something was seriously wrong, she had never been one for alcohol and he had only seen her take two drinks a glass of champagne on their wedding night and a glass of wine before they were married. Glancing at the bottle he realized that she must have drank almost all of it. With that in mind he cautiously inquired, "Dara, what are you doing?" When she turned to look at him, he noticed the odd look in her eyes.
"What's it look like, I'm going over what's left of my family; memories and pictures. The only things I have left to contribute to my children's upbringing. I can't even offer them at least one grandparent. Just imagine how proud they'll be to find out that their mother not only allowed their grandmother to die from cancer, but also signed the death warrant that killed their grandfather." Reaching to take the bottle from the table, she poured the remainder of its contents into her glass.
Lucas took both the bottle and the glass from her, "Baby, you know drinking isn't a good idea. Let me have these."
Dara looked at him in irritation, "What would you know about whether or not it's a good idea?"
Losing his patience quickly, he had to grit his teeth together before replying, "I thought you wanted our children, I guess your self pity is more important than they're health. Some mother you're turning out to be."
Without realizing what she was doing, she lashed out and connected the flat of her hand with his cheek. Awareness and horror at her actions dawning in her eyes, she turned and quickly fled the room. Running for the front door she grabbed her purse and car keys and rushed out the door, ignoring Caleb and Lucilla's pleas to stop.
Lucas hurled both the bottle and glass into the fireplace as he rushed out to stop her. When he reached the front door, Lucilla yelled after him, "You have to stop her, she shouldn't be driving."
Getting to the car before she was able to start it, he jerked the door open and grabbed her keys from her hand, throwing them in the direction of the front door. "What the hell do you think you're doing? You cant drive after all the wine you just drank, are you trying to kill yourself?" His anger with her dissipated when he saw the tears welling in her eyes as she lowered her head to rest on the steering wheel forlornly.
"I don't care anymore. I let it happen to both of them. I knew mama was sick, but I didn't make her go to the doctor. And I shouldn't have signed those damned consent forms, maybe daddy could have pulled through on his own. I might as well have put a gun to their heads."
Lucas, hearing the beginning of the dam breaking on her emotions, gently placed his hand against her cheek, turning her to face him. "You didn't kill them, honey. There wasn't anything that could have been done; you did what they asked you to. You didn't inject the cancer into your mom's body, and you didn't weaken your dad's heart. I'm sorry that was just the luck of the draw for them, sweetheart." Seeing that his words were penetrating through to her, he pulled her into his arms.
Pulling back slightly, she stroked the still red spot on his cheek and kissing it softly, offered, "I'm so sorry, please forgive me. If it will help, you can hit me back."
Shaking his head, he replied, "I wouldn't hit a pregnant woman, especially my wife." Lowering her head to his chest, she began crying in earnest and held tighter to him. Placing his arms under her, he pulled her out of the car and carried her into the house. Lucilla opened the door and began to speak, when Lucas shook his head, indicating that they would discuss this later. Continuing to their bedroom, he sat in the rocking chair next to the window, holding her in his embrace as he allowed her to draw comfort from his presence as she unleashed all the emotions she had been containing.
Finally, she looked up at him in amazement, "How have you put up with me acting like such a bitch lately?"
Lucas smiled tenderly at her as he kissed her forehead, "That's simple, because I love you. Honey, you haven't done anything wrong, there isn't anything for you to feel sorry about." Laying her head against his shoulder, she relaxed and simply basked in the warmth of the love he had for her.
Lucas sat with her in his lap for a while until he realized that she had fallen asleep. Rising from the chair quietly, he gently placed her on the bed and tucked the covers around her, then headed downstairs to answer his son and grandmother's questions.
Finding them in the study clearing away the debris of broken glass, he informed them, "She's asleep, and she'll be fine now. She was holding in her grief and it had to come out somehow."
They nodded their agreement of his observation as they continued cleaning the refuse of broken glass.
Lucas deciding that what his wife truly needed was a way to feel productive, with that in mind, he asked Caleb if Matt Crower was on duty tonight.
Caleb looked at his father in puzzlement as he nodded.
Going to the phone, Lucas dialed the number and waited till Crower picked up, then discussed his idea. Both were in full agreement that this was indeed the answer to Dara's problem.
The next morning Dara descended the stairs to find Lucas and Lucilla in the kitchen, both looking at her in curiosity.
Lucas asked her in innocence, "Aren't you going to get dressed for work?"
Looking at him in puzzlement, she asked, "What are you talking about? I'm on maternity leave."
Lucas shook his head, smiling, "I talked to Crower last night, and we think you should go back part time to counseling."
Considering his statement for a moment, she smiled, "I'll be ready in thirty minutes." Turning she hurried back up the stairs to fulfill her promise.
Lucilla looked at her grandson skeptically, "You sure her going back to work is a good idea?"
Lucas shrugged, "You have any better suggestion to help her get through this?"
Lucilla shook her head, "No, I guess you know what's best."
Dara came down the stairs, ready to leave. Lucas handed her the keys to her car, Caleb having gone out and found them at Lucas' request last night. "Be careful and I'll see you for lunch, all right?"
Dara threw her arms around her husband's neck and kissed him soundly, "I will, Promise."
At lunchtime Lucas was walking through the hospital, on his way to his wife's office. Running into Crower he stopped and inquired, "Have you seen her yet, how is she?"
Matt nodded his head, "I saw her about thirty minutes ago and she seemed like she was in a good mood. I think her outburst last night cleared the worst of it away for her, she may be depressed after the babies are born, but nothing like it was last night, I'm sure."
Nodding his thanks to the physician, Lucas continued to Dara's office. Seeing she was in the middle of a session, he waited till her door opened. Once her patient left he opened the door and smiled, "Ready for lunch?" When she looked up at him with a smile on her face, Lucas thought he had never seen such a welcome sight.
"Yes, I'm famished. Let's go."
Chapter 14
Through the length of their return trip, Lucas continuously glanced at Dara. She had remained impassive since her father's funeral the day before, even when she bid farewell to her sisters she had done nothing more than embrace them briefly, nodding indifferently when they promised to visit after the babies were born. He was certain that the dam holding her emotions back would break at any minute, but he couldn't see any suggestion of it by the appearance of calmness she now wore.
Dara had noticed her husband's constant perusal, deciding to put an end to the annoying way he continuously watched her, she stated tritely, "I assure you, I'm quite all right. I won't have a case of hysterics, if that's your concern."
Lucas turned to her in surprise; he had never heard the sharp tone in her voice that he now heard, not even when she was so irritable before the discovery of her pregnancy. Understanding the reasoning behind her attitude, he replied softly, "I wasn't expecting you to, you just seem very withdrawn and quiet. You hardly cried at the funeral, I'm just worried that you're holding this all in."
Dara turned a cold gaze on him, "I'm quite capable of handling my emotions. Thank you."
Lucas shook his head, deciding that nothing would be accomplished by arguing with her, except to upset her; he decided to remain silent for the remainder of the trip. When they arrived home Dara quickly got out of the car, leaving Lucas to deal with their luggage.
Caleb, having heard their car, raced out of the house to greet them. He had reached out to hug Dara when he saw the foreboding look on her face, causing him to pull back and opt to help his father with the luggage instead. Nodding towards the door he inquired, "What's the matter with her? She's acting real mad about something."
Lucas shook his head, "I think she's holding in her grief over her father's death, Caleb."
Caleb glanced at his father in concern, "Is she going to be OK?"
Lucas, noticing the look of deep concern in his son's eyes, sought to relieve his anxieties. "I'm sure she will, we just need to be understanding and give her a little time to come to grips with her feelings."
Lucilla came from the kitchen to greet them, glancing around she asked, "Where's Dara?"
Motioning to the top of the stairs, Lucas stated, "She went straight to our bedroom. Just leave her alone for a little while; she's not handling her father's death all that well. She's keeping everything bottled up inside right now."
Lucilla considered her grandson's statement, "All right, you know what's best I suppose."
Later that evening, when the evening meal was ready, Lucas went in search of his wife. Finding her in the small room that had been converted to an office for her, he informed her brightly, "Darlin, mama has supper ready. Let's go in."
Dara looked up from the pile of file folders in front of her, "You go on, I'm not hungry right now." I'll fix a plate later."
Lucas sighed in frustration as he pointed out, "Dara, you haven't eaten since early this morning, that's not good for you or the babies. Now, come on and eat something."
Dara looked up from the stack of papers she had been reading. Narrowing her gaze, she inquired icily, "Really, and just exactly how many times have you been pregnant? What in the hell would you know about what I do or don't need to do? I'll eat when I'm damned good and ready, so until then, LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!" She had practically screamed the last of her statement at him.
Lucas decided that the best course of action was to put some space between himself and his wife. Informing Caleb and Lucilla that he would eat later, as would Dara, he grabbed his jacket and stalked out the door.
Caleb looked at his great-grandmother, "Mama, do you think everything is going to be ok between them?"
Lucilla shook her head, "I hope so, Caleb. Those two wouldn't do good separated from each other."
For lack of a better place to go, Lucas decided to go to the office to check in and catch up on paperwork.
Slamming the front door against the inner wall of the reception area, Lucas surprised not only Floyd, but Ben as well, with the intensity of his anger.
Ben, recovering quickly, exclaimed, "Lucas, we weren't expecting you back this soon. How's Dara doing?"
Glaring at his deputy for mentioning her name, Lucas replied acidly, "None of your damned business. Bring me the reports so I can sign off on them." Heading to his office, he closed the door with enough force to rattle the glass in its frame. Sitting in his chair, he allowed his gaze to roam over the desk until it settled on a photo of Dara, taken on their wedding day. Taking the photo in his hand, he studied the expression the photographer had managed to capture. Her smile indicated that she had a special secret hidden in her heart, which had placed the smile on her lips and the brightness in her eyes.
Ben timidly opened the door, having knocked and not hearing a reply. Seeing that Lucas was engrossed in his thoughts he understood why he hadn't received an invitation to enter. Standing before the desk, he cautiously intruded on the other man's thoughts. "Lucas, here are the reports."
Lucas glanced up at his deputy, "Ben, close the door." When he had complied, Lucas further directed, "Have a seat, I want to ask you something." Ben sat patiently, waiting for Lucas' inquiry.
Lucas turned the photo in his hand towards Ben, "Ben, you know when I met her I thought she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. I think you guessed that she had me hooked from the time she said 'hello'."
Ben nodded his agreement, recalling the way Lucas had looked that day he had first seen Dara. Watching as Lucas sat the photo back in its place, Ben was shocked by his next inquiry.
"So what's changed in her, Ben?"
Ben, not certain as to his meaning, asked, "You don't find her attractive anymore?"
Lucas looked at the man in bewilderment, "Hell no, if anything I think she's more beautiful and desirable now than ever, if that was ever possible. Her personality seems to have changed, she used to be so sweet and loving, now she's irritable and down right bitchy. I told her it was time to eat tonight and she literally screamed at me to leave her alone. She's never raised her voice since we've been married, even when we've disagreed."
Ben sat back and considered Lucas' revelations of his wife's behavior, then remembering something Caleb had disclosed to him, he inquired, "Lucas, didn't she have to sign the consent form for her father's surgery?"
Lucas nodded, "Yeah, I know she didn't want to, but he wanted the surgery and she couldn't say no."
Ben glanced at him questioningly, "Ever consider that maybe she blames herself, she probably feels like she signed her name to her father's death warrant." Pointing out some other aspects, he continued, "You have to realize too, so far she's lost her mother, almost her own life, and now her father. Plus, she's pregnant which means she's raging inside from the mood swings anyway. Just give her some time, she'll be back to normal soon."
Lucas considered his statement a moment, then got up as he stated, "Ben, I'm going home. I'll see you tomorrow."
When he arrived home, Lucas was in a considerably lighter mood then when he had left, but when he entered his house and saw the looks on his son and grandmother's face, he knew before anything was said, that something was seriously wrong.
Lucilla confirmed his suspicions, "We just called the station, you need to get in there. I think there's something really wrong with her."
Caleb nodded his agreement of his grandmother's statement, "She ain't acting right and she's drinking."
Lucas hurried to the study to find his wife sitting on the sofa, pouring over books of family photos and drinking a glass of wine. He knew when he saw the bottle that something was seriously wrong, she had never been one for alcohol and he had only seen her take two drinks a glass of champagne on their wedding night and a glass of wine before they were married. Glancing at the bottle he realized that she must have drank almost all of it. With that in mind he cautiously inquired, "Dara, what are you doing?" When she turned to look at him, he noticed the odd look in her eyes.
"What's it look like, I'm going over what's left of my family; memories and pictures. The only things I have left to contribute to my children's upbringing. I can't even offer them at least one grandparent. Just imagine how proud they'll be to find out that their mother not only allowed their grandmother to die from cancer, but also signed the death warrant that killed their grandfather." Reaching to take the bottle from the table, she poured the remainder of its contents into her glass.
Lucas took both the bottle and the glass from her, "Baby, you know drinking isn't a good idea. Let me have these."
Dara looked at him in irritation, "What would you know about whether or not it's a good idea?"
Losing his patience quickly, he had to grit his teeth together before replying, "I thought you wanted our children, I guess your self pity is more important than they're health. Some mother you're turning out to be."
Without realizing what she was doing, she lashed out and connected the flat of her hand with his cheek. Awareness and horror at her actions dawning in her eyes, she turned and quickly fled the room. Running for the front door she grabbed her purse and car keys and rushed out the door, ignoring Caleb and Lucilla's pleas to stop.
Lucas hurled both the bottle and glass into the fireplace as he rushed out to stop her. When he reached the front door, Lucilla yelled after him, "You have to stop her, she shouldn't be driving."
Getting to the car before she was able to start it, he jerked the door open and grabbed her keys from her hand, throwing them in the direction of the front door. "What the hell do you think you're doing? You cant drive after all the wine you just drank, are you trying to kill yourself?" His anger with her dissipated when he saw the tears welling in her eyes as she lowered her head to rest on the steering wheel forlornly.
"I don't care anymore. I let it happen to both of them. I knew mama was sick, but I didn't make her go to the doctor. And I shouldn't have signed those damned consent forms, maybe daddy could have pulled through on his own. I might as well have put a gun to their heads."
Lucas, hearing the beginning of the dam breaking on her emotions, gently placed his hand against her cheek, turning her to face him. "You didn't kill them, honey. There wasn't anything that could have been done; you did what they asked you to. You didn't inject the cancer into your mom's body, and you didn't weaken your dad's heart. I'm sorry that was just the luck of the draw for them, sweetheart." Seeing that his words were penetrating through to her, he pulled her into his arms.
Pulling back slightly, she stroked the still red spot on his cheek and kissing it softly, offered, "I'm so sorry, please forgive me. If it will help, you can hit me back."
Shaking his head, he replied, "I wouldn't hit a pregnant woman, especially my wife." Lowering her head to his chest, she began crying in earnest and held tighter to him. Placing his arms under her, he pulled her out of the car and carried her into the house. Lucilla opened the door and began to speak, when Lucas shook his head, indicating that they would discuss this later. Continuing to their bedroom, he sat in the rocking chair next to the window, holding her in his embrace as he allowed her to draw comfort from his presence as she unleashed all the emotions she had been containing.
Finally, she looked up at him in amazement, "How have you put up with me acting like such a bitch lately?"
Lucas smiled tenderly at her as he kissed her forehead, "That's simple, because I love you. Honey, you haven't done anything wrong, there isn't anything for you to feel sorry about." Laying her head against his shoulder, she relaxed and simply basked in the warmth of the love he had for her.
Lucas sat with her in his lap for a while until he realized that she had fallen asleep. Rising from the chair quietly, he gently placed her on the bed and tucked the covers around her, then headed downstairs to answer his son and grandmother's questions.
Finding them in the study clearing away the debris of broken glass, he informed them, "She's asleep, and she'll be fine now. She was holding in her grief and it had to come out somehow."
They nodded their agreement of his observation as they continued cleaning the refuse of broken glass.
Lucas deciding that what his wife truly needed was a way to feel productive, with that in mind, he asked Caleb if Matt Crower was on duty tonight.
Caleb looked at his father in puzzlement as he nodded.
Going to the phone, Lucas dialed the number and waited till Crower picked up, then discussed his idea. Both were in full agreement that this was indeed the answer to Dara's problem.
The next morning Dara descended the stairs to find Lucas and Lucilla in the kitchen, both looking at her in curiosity.
Lucas asked her in innocence, "Aren't you going to get dressed for work?"
Looking at him in puzzlement, she asked, "What are you talking about? I'm on maternity leave."
Lucas shook his head, smiling, "I talked to Crower last night, and we think you should go back part time to counseling."
Considering his statement for a moment, she smiled, "I'll be ready in thirty minutes." Turning she hurried back up the stairs to fulfill her promise.
Lucilla looked at her grandson skeptically, "You sure her going back to work is a good idea?"
Lucas shrugged, "You have any better suggestion to help her get through this?"
Lucilla shook her head, "No, I guess you know what's best."
Dara came down the stairs, ready to leave. Lucas handed her the keys to her car, Caleb having gone out and found them at Lucas' request last night. "Be careful and I'll see you for lunch, all right?"
Dara threw her arms around her husband's neck and kissed him soundly, "I will, Promise."
At lunchtime Lucas was walking through the hospital, on his way to his wife's office. Running into Crower he stopped and inquired, "Have you seen her yet, how is she?"
Matt nodded his head, "I saw her about thirty minutes ago and she seemed like she was in a good mood. I think her outburst last night cleared the worst of it away for her, she may be depressed after the babies are born, but nothing like it was last night, I'm sure."
Nodding his thanks to the physician, Lucas continued to Dara's office. Seeing she was in the middle of a session, he waited till her door opened. Once her patient left he opened the door and smiled, "Ready for lunch?" When she looked up at him with a smile on her face, Lucas thought he had never seen such a welcome sight.
"Yes, I'm famished. Let's go."