DESTINY
Chapter 17
After Lucas left the hospital, allowing Dara to rest, he went back to the station to do some paperwork. When he walked through the door he was whistling and smiling.
Ben and Floyd both glanced up surprised by this side of their boss. Floyd greeted, "Morning Lucas, heard about the babies last night, congratulations."
Lucas nodded, "Thank you, Floyd." With that he ventured to his private office followed closely by Ben, who was carrying a stack of reports awaiting Lucas' signature.
Both looked up in surprise, having heard Floyd trying to dissuade her from disturbing them, to see Selena standing in the open doorway. As usual she was clad in her uniform of mini skirt and spiked heels.
Lucas signed in aggravation as he demanded, "What is it, Selena, cant you see that I'm busy?"
Glancing at him through her lowered lashes, she purred, "My, my sheriff, I remember once upon a time you were never too busy for me, but that's not why I'm here." Opening the bag she was carrying she produced two matching teddy bears, setting them on his desk she stated, "I can't get by the hospital to see Dara, but these are for the twins."
Lucas raised an eyebrow at her in question, "Just how did you know she had the babies last night?"
Selena shrugged, "This is after all a small town. Word gets around, you know, but I wanted to give the babies something. Despite what you seem to think, I do like your wife."
Lucas nodded his thanks to her as she turned and left. Seeing Ben shaking his head, he inquired, "What?"
Ben shrugged, "Nothing, just thinking of how miracles never seem to cease." Scowling at him, Lucas ordered Ben back to work.
Dara was thrilled to be able to return home in so short a time, despite the fact of giving birth prematurely. After she and Matt had had a long discussion as to what she could expect and what to be watchful for, he released both her and the twins from the hospital.
Lucas, having argued that two people in the same household with the same name would be confusing, insisted with Dara's gratefulness, that they simply call their son, Alex. With the same logic as well as having decided that Cherice was too formal for such a little baby, Caleb had taken to calling his sister, Riesa. Since both Lucas and Dara liked the nickname, they too took to using it.
Dara was surprised at how easily Lucas took to the role of fatherhood. He not only helped with the babies' feedings and diaper changes, but he also assisted in every facet of their care. Each day she found herself astounded by his ready acceptance of whatever task presented itself.
She, on the other hand, was having severe doubts and worries over her own abilities as a parent. Lucas, seeing that part of her problem was the post pardum depression Crower had warned him of, did everything possible to help alleviate her worries. But a couple of weeks later and despite his best attempts to the contrary Dara became overwhelmed by not only the depression, but also a more severe problem.
Following the pattern set, Dara and Lucas both awoke to tend to their children's needs. Dara proceeded into the nursery across from their bedroom, with Lucas following as soon as he was dressed for the day.
Lucas noticed that this particular morning things weren't going all that well; he noticed the scowl on his wife's face as he entered and found her trying to nurse their son. As he lifted Riesa from her crib to be changed and wait her turn, he watched as Dara was forced to change from side to side for some odd reason. She didn't seem able to nurse for more than a couple of minutes on each side without being forced to change. He could see by the look of pain on her face that it was causing her severe discomfort. Finally, after several attempts she simply gave in and allowed Alex to satisfy his hunger, since the constant switching was doing nothing but aggravating him.
Lucas could see the look of relief cross her face as she finished and placed the child once more in his crib. Then when she glanced at their daughter in uncertainty she shrugged her shoulders and sat once more, holding her arms open to receive the baby. Lucas asked her worriedly as he handed the child to her, "Are you sure you want to do this? It looked like you were having a hard time with Alex."
Dara nodded her head as she sought for an explanation, "I guess I'm just really sore, besides we don't have much choice, they don't seem to leave me enough milk to pump into bottles and we don't have any formula yet. I'm sure it will ease up."
Lucas took her statement at face value and handed their daughter over to her while he occupied Alex. He continued glancing at her and noticed the way she grimaced as Riesa fed, but deciding that she probably had more knowledge than he did in this area he said nothing else.
Dara had assumed that after she had time to rest after feeding the twins that the soreness would disappear, but when it came time for their feeding again two hours later that hope was quickly dashed. If anything she was now sorer than before, as well as feeling terrible on top of it.
After she had fed the twins as best she could, she called Matt to ask him to recommend a formula to supplement the twins diet, explaining that she felt as though she were coming down with something and didn't want to pass it on to the babies through her milk.
Matt seemed to accept the explanation and volunteered to send a couple of days supply of which ever formula he thought best by Caleb, who had brought his lunch to him.
Dara thanked Matt as she hung up the phone and went in search of mama Lucy.
Lucilla was in the kitchen, as usual, preparing for their evening meal when Dara found her.
"Mama, I'm going to lie down a while, I don't feel very well, and I think I'm catching the flu or something."
Lucilla turned around and took in the girl's appearance; she was flushed and looked terrible. Wiping her hands on her apron she walked over to place her hand on Dara's forehead, "Child, you're running fever, you better go get in the bed, and I'll finish supper. And don't worry about them babies, I'll tend to them."
Dara nodded her thanks as she informed the older woman, "Matt's sending some formula by Caleb for the babies. I don't think I should nurse them, I might give them something through my milk." Lucilla agreed with her logic, shooing her upstairs to rest.
Dara settled in the bed, beginning to truly feel terrible, her breasts were hurting worse by the hour. She was forced to lie flat on her back; even then they were still aching. She had also begun to have chills as well as feeling achy in the rest of her body.
Finally, she was able to fall asleep. When she awoke she glanced at the clock and realized that it was just about time for Lucas to walk through the front door. When she heard his footsteps on the stairs she rolled over towards the door. When her chest touched the mattress, she yelped in severe pain.
Lucas, having heard her distress, quickly opened the door and turned on the lights. He was startled by what he saw, Dara had sat up, but he could see that she was seriously ill. Her face was terribly flushed and she was visibly shaking with chills.
Crossing over to her, he placed his hand on her forehead and sucked in his breath. She was burning up with fever. Pulling the blanket from the foot of the bed he wrapped it around her shoulders to warm her up, when he tried to pull is closed over her chest she shrieked and shrank away in pain. Understanding why she pulled back, he pushed the blanket off her shoulders and began unbuttoning her blouse, when he pushed it open to expose her breasts he was shocked. "How long has it been this bad?"
Dara shrugged, "I've felt bad all day, but I thought it was just a virus or something. I don't think that's what this is anymore."
Lucas shook his head agreeing with her statement. Both of her breasts were severely swollen and angry red, he gently examined one and she immediately shrieked from the pain, but he was able to detect a hard lump. Gently pulling her blouse together, so as not to cause her any further pain, he picked up the phone and called Crower. Once he had described what he had seen, Matt instructed him to hurry and get her to the hospital.
Once he told her what Crower had said, she began trying to refasten her blouse, but Lucas could see the difficulty she was having with pulling it closed over her chest. Deciding to solve the problem, he went to his own chest of drawers and pulled one of his shirts from it.
Dara looked at him questioningly, "What am I supposed to do with that? You know I could fit another person in here with me, right?"
Lucas took her own blouse from her shoulders and held his shirt open for her to put on. Once she had slid her arms into it he turned her around and began buttoning it, "That's the idea, this way its not tight across you're chest, get the picture?" Dara, grateful for his fore sight, nodded
After giving his grandmother and son a brief explanation, he guided Dara out to the car, once inside she leaned her head on the door, feeling weak and tired.
After Matt had examined Dara, he shook his head, "I was afraid of this."
Lucas looked at him questioningly, "What is it, and can you cure it?"
Matt nodded, "Yeah I can cure it, but it's going to put Dara flat on her back, literally, for about two more weeks."
Dara looked at him worriedly, "What is it?"
Matt sighed heavily, "Both of your breasts are abscessed, severely. We'll have to drain the infection from them, which means for one you'll have to stop breast-feeding. And two, you'll have to be extremely careful how you move for a couple of weeks."
Dara looked at him, shocked, "Both of them, how?"
Matt shook his head, "Not that hard to guess, you're nursing twins, remember? So it's not that surprising."
Dara looked at him sorrowfully, "This means I wont be able to breast feed them any more, doesn't it?"
Matt nodded, "I'm sorry, but that's about it. By the time you'd be able to they'll have adapted to formula. I'm sorry, Dara."
Dara sighed, "It's not your fault, so when do we do this?"
Matt looked over to Lucas for confirmation, "Well, if you want, I can do it tonight. And if you do well enough I'll let you go home, as long as you promise to take it easy."
Dara looked at him sarcastically, "Do I have a choice?"
Matt shook his head as he smiled in sympathy. "No, not really. Hold on a second and I'll go set everything up." With that he left to make the necessary arrangements.
Lucas could see the turn her thoughts were taking when she hung her head sadly. Placing his finger under her chin to lift her eyes up to meet his, he stated, "This isn't your fault and it makes you no less a mother because you can't breast feed. Besides, look at it this way, now I get to help feed them too and one doesn't have to wait their turn."
Dara looked at him caustically, "Oh yeah, that's a really big consolation, thanks."
When Matt returned with a wheel chair, Lucas helped her off the examination table into it as Matt explained, "It shouldn't take too long, we'll give her something to numb her, so just wait outside and I'll let you know when we're done."
Lucas waited patiently in the waiting room until Matt came out to explain, "She did fine. We got all of the infection; she has a total of two stitches on either side of her breasts. They'll dissolve themselves, so unless she has some complications she should be fine. Her motion is going to be limited for a few days though. She can't raise her arms over her head, so you'll have to help her bathe and wash her hair, stuff like that."
Lucas nodded his comprehension, "When can I take her home?"
Matt glanced down the hall to see a nurse wheeling Dara up the hallway, "Now is fine, but she's groggy from the local I gave her, once she's home put her to bed and let her sleep it off." Handing him a bottle of pills, he stated, "These are antibiotics, make sure she takes them they'll kill whatever, if any, infection she may have left. She should be good as new when she and the twins come in for their checkups."
Once Lucas had her home he helped her out of the car, but the pain medication had her severely disoriented. Seeing the way she was stumbling he was afraid she might fall and tear her stitches. Finally, he placed both her arms by her sides and instructed sternly, "Don't more your arms." With that he gently scooped her up in his arms and proceeded into the house.
Lucilla and Caleb met them at the door. Taking in Dara's groggy state they both inquired, "Is she all right?"
Lucas nodded, "She'll be fine, mama how about helping me put her to bed?"
Lucilla proceeded up the stairs and opened their bedroom door, and then turned down the covers as she asked, "You need help putting a gown on her?"
Lucas nodded as he explained, "Both of her breasts were abscessed, they had to drain the infection out. So we need to mix that formula up for the babies bottles."
Lucilla shrugged, "Well, they took to it well enough earlier, so that should be fine."
After they had put a gown on her and tucked her in, Lucas placed a kiss on her cheek and left so she could rest. Glancing at his grandmother he asked, "When were they last fed?"
Lucilla considered, "We just finished when you walked in."
Lucas nodded, "Good, lets make them some bottles up to carry them until tomorrow. I'll go and buy a case of formula then."
After they had finished preparing the last bottle, Caleb excused himself to go back to the boardinghouse.
Lucas nodded his thanks to the boy and smiled to himself, Caleb was taking to being a big brother better than Lucas had ever hoped he would.
The next morning Dara awoke extremely sore and depressed, the post pardom depression having finally descended to take it's toll.
When Lucas entered their room to check on her, he found her sitting up in the bed, crying. He knew that she was extremely depressed over no longer being able to nurse the babies, but he also knew that she was also suffering from the depression Crower had warned him about.
Sitting on the bed next to her, he gently pulled her into his embrace, careful not to put pressure on her chest. He gently rocked her and stoked her hair until her tears had stopped. After she had calmed, he drew back and smiled at her tenderly, "It's all right, sweetheart. You're entitled to be depressed, regardless of the reason. If you want to cry or shout or scream go ahead, I'll be here for you."
Dara looked up at him with loving amazement, placing her hand along his cheek she inquired, "You put up with a lot from me, don't you?"
Lucas took the hand against his cheek and kissed it gently as he shrugged his shoulders, "So do you, but you're worth what ever it takes to keep you."
Dara reached up and pulled his head down to kiss him deeply, " I do love you and I promise I'll be back to normal as soon as possible." Lucas simply nodded his acceptance of her statement.
Dara was never so grateful for the fact that Trinity was a small, quiet town as she was now that she was indisposed.
Lucas was more then capable of taking over the care of their children, with Lucilla as a backup, allowing her to recuperate fully. He only had to make occasional trips to the station to sign reports or for the occasional emergency, but for the most part, Ben and Floyd were able to handle everything else, stating that Lucas was needed more at home right now than at the station.
Dara stayed mostly in the bed, per Lucas' insistence. She got up and helped feed the babies and although she hated not being able to continue breast feeding, she was satisfied to see the enjoyment it brought to her husband to be able to help feed their children.
Matt came by after about a week to check on her progress and announced that she should be good as new after another week or so.
Loris and Selena, both, ventured by to discuss the outreach program with her; at first Lucas had fussed at the intrusion, especially from Selena, but after Dara insisted that she needed something to occupy her time or she would go crazy, he gave in, finding it difficult to refuse her anything. The only stipulations being that she remain in the bed and rest when she found herself tired.
Despite being limited in her present condition, with Selena and Loris' help, she was able to accomplish a great deal on the project.
Finally, after her six week check up and Matt's endorsement that she was once again good as new, as well as that the twins were both thriving, Lucas relaxed his over protectiveness over his wife.
Dara, after a private conversation with Matt regarding whether or not she had indeed healed, had decided that she needed more than being held closely at night and the passionate kissed she had been receiving.
Lucilla had decided to return to her own home, stating that she was certain that since Dara was now over the double birth, and that she just knew that her own home had gone to rack and ruin.
As she was preparing to leave, Dara hugged the woman tightly; "There isn't any way I can ever thank you for all you've done."
Lucilla looked at her strangely, "Oh yes there is, just take care of my grand babies, as well as Lucas and yourself."
Dara smiled as she replied, "You know I'll always do that."
Moving on to Caleb and hugging him, Lucilla lightly admonished, "You behave and mind your step mama and be a good brother, you hear?"
Caleb kissed her cheek, "I sure will Mama Lucy. You'll come back soon, wont you?"
Lucilla nodded at him, "I'll be back before you know it." Turning to look up at her grandson, she stated, "Well boy, you did me and yourself proud. You've got a good wife and a fine family. Now just don't mess it up and I think you'll do OK."
Lucas shook his head as he stated, "Not a chance, mama. Come back when you can." Closing the door on the taxi that was waiting for her, he watched her leave. Then turning to his wife that he had some things to go over at the station, he kissed her and left.
Caleb, stating that he was staying over at Boone's for a sleep over, waited for Dara's permission before leaving.
Dara nodded her head, giving him her permission, reminding him to behave and have fun. That had been another area of severe change. Since she had been so ill and the birth of the twins, Caleb stayed more and more with them, as well as having begun to acknowledge her as not just his step mother but his mother.
Dara headed back into the house and upstairs to check on her son and daughter, glad for the privacy.
Seeing that her children were sleeping, Dara went to her own bathroom to soak in a long bubble bath and wash her hair. After she was finished she ventured back to the nursery to find her children now away and waiting patiently for their bottles.
Smiling at them as she prepared their bottles for them, she began conversing with them. "Awake all ready, huh? Just like your father as soon as you wake up you want food, well lets see if we can fix that, OK guys."
After placing Alex in a swing to wait his turn, she settled herself and Riesa in the rocking chair to start her feeding. Looking at them pleadingly, she stated her case, "Look, mommy needs a favor from you guys tonight, OK? Mommy and daddy haven't had any alone time in a long time, so I need you guys to behave yourselves tonight, OK? You've already had your baths and now I'm feeding you, I'll change you before I lay you down, so what do you say, we have a deal?"
Watching Riesa's reaction to her words she smiled when she saw the infant raise her eyebrow in perfect imitation of her father. "That a girl, I knew I could count on you." Glancing at Alex, she asked, "Well, how about you sweetie, think you can help mommy out?"
Alex stuck his fist in his mouth as if contemplating his mother's request and then pulling it out grinned and kicked his legs.
Laughing, Dara said, "I'll take that as a yes."
After having fed and changed both, she dressed them for bed and settled once more into her rocker to sing them to sleep.
Lucas entered the house quietly and stood at the foot of the stairs listening to his wife's soft, floating voice as she sang to their children. Listening for a moment she shook his head. Before he had married Dara, if he had heard someone singing such nonsense he would have scorned them, but all he could think of now listening to his wife singing their children to sleep, was how beautiful it sounded.
After Dara was certain that both babies were sound asleep, she gently placed them in their cribs for the night. Having heard her husband downstairs, she hurried to finish dressing. Brushing her now dry hair until it was shining, she then went to the dresser and pulled out the negligee she had worn on their wedding night. After she was dressed she studied her reflection in the full-length mirror. She had lost all of the weight from her pregnancy, as well as having acquired a roundness to her hips that comes only with childbirth. She had increased slightly in bust size, but she was still firm. Sighing, she stated her most fervent wish, "Well, hopefully he'll still like what he sees." Pulling her shoulders back and holding her head high, she went downstairs in search of her husband.
Lucas was in the living room stoking the fire when he heard his wife's soft voice timidly calling his name. When he turned around, unable to believe his own eyes, he stood staring at her. She was wearing the same gown she wore their wedding night. Her long hair had been brushed to a sheen and glowed from the light cast by the fire. The only thing Lucas could think to compare her to was a goddess.
Thinking that he wasn't attracted to her any longer, by the lack of response from him, Dara began unconsciously wringing her hands in indecision.
Lucas, recognizing the gesture, walked over and gently took her hands in his, leading her over to the sofa, he sat down and pulled her to sit next to him. Seeing her thoughts reflected in her eyes, he pushed her hair back over her shoulder, then placed his hand on her cheek.
Closing her eyes to savor the contact, she placed her own hand over his and offered sadly, "I'm sorry if you don't feel attracted to me anymore, I'll understand."
Lucas smiled ruefully and shook his head, "No, quite the opposite. You are without a doubt the most beautiful women I've ever seen. You just take my breath away and leave me speechless, that's all." Pulling her to him he kissed her to prove his point. Gentle at first he became more demanding as he was met by her responses. Pulling back slightly he looked into her eyes, "Are you sure you're up to this? I don't think I can wait any longer."
After she nodded her agreement, he pulled her up from the sofa and sweeping her into his arms he began kissing her once more as she began unbuttoning his vest and shirt with the other hand to allow her to fun her free hand over his chest. When they reached their bedroom, Lucas cast a glance towards the nursery, "What about the babies?"
Dara smiled, "All settled for the night."
Lucas grinned at her leeringly, "Good. I intend to keep you busy for the night."
Dara smiled at him seductively, "Really, is that a promise?"
After they had found release in each other and were lying together in the aftermath, Lucas kissed the top of Dara's head and he stated, "I told you before, it won't ever change between us, do you believe me now?"
Dara hugged him tighter, "Yes I do. Imagine when we're in our old age."
Lucas pulled her closer, "I wont ever think of you as old, ever."
Dara smiled up at him, "I'll remind you of that in say twenty years." With that they settled down to sleep until morning.
It wasn't long before Dara returned to work, leaving the twins in the care of the nanny she and Lucas had chosen. She was a retired pediatrics nurse whose husband had dies, leaving her with time on her hands. She reminded Dara a great deal of her mother.
Mrs. Carlton had so far proven to be excellent with the twins, doting on every new accomplishment.
Dara had only returned part time to her counseling, having given up her private practice. She concentrated her time between the outreach program and the hospital.
Life seemed to go on with a great deal of contentment and security for Lucas and Dara, however both were about to be totally destroyed.
The beginning came innocently enough, the hospital had begun developing its psychiatric programs with more seriousness, hiring an imminent psychiatrist to head it's department.
Matt came by Dara's office one afternoon as she was preparing to leave. Lounging against the doorframe, he held up a piece of paper, "Did you see this?"
Dara nodded, "If that's the memo about the arrival of Dr. Landrum, then yes I saw it, what about it?"
Matt shrugged, "I was just curious as to your take on it, that's all."
Dara looked at him in amusement, "You act as though I actually have some say over who they hire or fire around here."
Matt grinned in reply, "No, but you do realize that as far as any type of psychiatric support around her goes, so far it's a padded cell or you."
Dara had to laugh at that one, "Oh great, some choice, Matt, either the nut house, or me that's a catchy thing to put on a business card. Actually, I think hiring a psychiatrist, especially one with his reputation, is quite a feather in their caps. Besides that, it will ease my guilt over only working part time."
Matt looked at her seriously, "You know we do have a good day care here, why not bring the babies to work with you?"
Dara shook her head, "Are you kidding? It was hard enough to convince Lucas to let me come back part time, he would never allow the twins to be put in day care, and you know that."
Matt nodded, "Yeah, but I thought I'd suggest it anyway."
Dara smiled on her way out the door, "Oh relax, you know you'll always be our favorite doctor." Pulling the door shut behind her, she bid Matt goodbye and headed for her car in the garage. Once she reached the level where she had parked, she hurried to her car, trying to re-balance her purse, briefcase and the files that she was trying to place inside the case.
She looked up just in time to collide with a man who was also preoccupied with his own balancing act. Too late to keep form bumping into he man, she watched helplessly as both their precarious loads inter mixed and scattered on the concrete floor.
Looking at the mess at her feet, Dara swore, "Damned, I'm already late. Terrific" Looking at the stranger, she stated, "You could have watched where you were going," then sighing guiltily, she observed, "but then so could I. So I can blame you for doing what I was." Bending down, whe began to sort through the jumble to reclaim her own documents.
Following her lead, the man knelt down and began to gather his own things together, looking across to Dara he stated, "I am sorry, I guess I was preoccupied as well."
Dara looked over at him, as she was finishing stacking her papers, "Its all right no harm done, we have everything back so its no big deal."
When the man stood he towered above her. Even wearing a pair of one-inch heels she only cam up to just below his chest. Looking up she noticed that he was good looking in a sophisticated way. He had dark, straight hair and bright blue eyes. Although he was attractive, she found no interest in him, mentally comparing him with Lucas' dark handsomeness; she preferred her husband's rugged strength to this man's quite demeanor.
Glancing at Dara, he asked cautiously, "I suppose you've had a hard day with patients and such?"
Nodding, she replied, "I suppose, I'm a counselor here, and it's been a hectic day. I'm sorry about the mess, but I am late so you have a nice day." Walking around him, she headed to her car.
Watching as she walked away, he muttered to himself, "Counselor, huh? Well are you ever in for a surprise, Dara Chambers Buck."
Chapter 17
After Lucas left the hospital, allowing Dara to rest, he went back to the station to do some paperwork. When he walked through the door he was whistling and smiling.
Ben and Floyd both glanced up surprised by this side of their boss. Floyd greeted, "Morning Lucas, heard about the babies last night, congratulations."
Lucas nodded, "Thank you, Floyd." With that he ventured to his private office followed closely by Ben, who was carrying a stack of reports awaiting Lucas' signature.
Both looked up in surprise, having heard Floyd trying to dissuade her from disturbing them, to see Selena standing in the open doorway. As usual she was clad in her uniform of mini skirt and spiked heels.
Lucas signed in aggravation as he demanded, "What is it, Selena, cant you see that I'm busy?"
Glancing at him through her lowered lashes, she purred, "My, my sheriff, I remember once upon a time you were never too busy for me, but that's not why I'm here." Opening the bag she was carrying she produced two matching teddy bears, setting them on his desk she stated, "I can't get by the hospital to see Dara, but these are for the twins."
Lucas raised an eyebrow at her in question, "Just how did you know she had the babies last night?"
Selena shrugged, "This is after all a small town. Word gets around, you know, but I wanted to give the babies something. Despite what you seem to think, I do like your wife."
Lucas nodded his thanks to her as she turned and left. Seeing Ben shaking his head, he inquired, "What?"
Ben shrugged, "Nothing, just thinking of how miracles never seem to cease." Scowling at him, Lucas ordered Ben back to work.
Dara was thrilled to be able to return home in so short a time, despite the fact of giving birth prematurely. After she and Matt had had a long discussion as to what she could expect and what to be watchful for, he released both her and the twins from the hospital.
Lucas, having argued that two people in the same household with the same name would be confusing, insisted with Dara's gratefulness, that they simply call their son, Alex. With the same logic as well as having decided that Cherice was too formal for such a little baby, Caleb had taken to calling his sister, Riesa. Since both Lucas and Dara liked the nickname, they too took to using it.
Dara was surprised at how easily Lucas took to the role of fatherhood. He not only helped with the babies' feedings and diaper changes, but he also assisted in every facet of their care. Each day she found herself astounded by his ready acceptance of whatever task presented itself.
She, on the other hand, was having severe doubts and worries over her own abilities as a parent. Lucas, seeing that part of her problem was the post pardum depression Crower had warned him of, did everything possible to help alleviate her worries. But a couple of weeks later and despite his best attempts to the contrary Dara became overwhelmed by not only the depression, but also a more severe problem.
Following the pattern set, Dara and Lucas both awoke to tend to their children's needs. Dara proceeded into the nursery across from their bedroom, with Lucas following as soon as he was dressed for the day.
Lucas noticed that this particular morning things weren't going all that well; he noticed the scowl on his wife's face as he entered and found her trying to nurse their son. As he lifted Riesa from her crib to be changed and wait her turn, he watched as Dara was forced to change from side to side for some odd reason. She didn't seem able to nurse for more than a couple of minutes on each side without being forced to change. He could see by the look of pain on her face that it was causing her severe discomfort. Finally, after several attempts she simply gave in and allowed Alex to satisfy his hunger, since the constant switching was doing nothing but aggravating him.
Lucas could see the look of relief cross her face as she finished and placed the child once more in his crib. Then when she glanced at their daughter in uncertainty she shrugged her shoulders and sat once more, holding her arms open to receive the baby. Lucas asked her worriedly as he handed the child to her, "Are you sure you want to do this? It looked like you were having a hard time with Alex."
Dara nodded her head as she sought for an explanation, "I guess I'm just really sore, besides we don't have much choice, they don't seem to leave me enough milk to pump into bottles and we don't have any formula yet. I'm sure it will ease up."
Lucas took her statement at face value and handed their daughter over to her while he occupied Alex. He continued glancing at her and noticed the way she grimaced as Riesa fed, but deciding that she probably had more knowledge than he did in this area he said nothing else.
Dara had assumed that after she had time to rest after feeding the twins that the soreness would disappear, but when it came time for their feeding again two hours later that hope was quickly dashed. If anything she was now sorer than before, as well as feeling terrible on top of it.
After she had fed the twins as best she could, she called Matt to ask him to recommend a formula to supplement the twins diet, explaining that she felt as though she were coming down with something and didn't want to pass it on to the babies through her milk.
Matt seemed to accept the explanation and volunteered to send a couple of days supply of which ever formula he thought best by Caleb, who had brought his lunch to him.
Dara thanked Matt as she hung up the phone and went in search of mama Lucy.
Lucilla was in the kitchen, as usual, preparing for their evening meal when Dara found her.
"Mama, I'm going to lie down a while, I don't feel very well, and I think I'm catching the flu or something."
Lucilla turned around and took in the girl's appearance; she was flushed and looked terrible. Wiping her hands on her apron she walked over to place her hand on Dara's forehead, "Child, you're running fever, you better go get in the bed, and I'll finish supper. And don't worry about them babies, I'll tend to them."
Dara nodded her thanks as she informed the older woman, "Matt's sending some formula by Caleb for the babies. I don't think I should nurse them, I might give them something through my milk." Lucilla agreed with her logic, shooing her upstairs to rest.
Dara settled in the bed, beginning to truly feel terrible, her breasts were hurting worse by the hour. She was forced to lie flat on her back; even then they were still aching. She had also begun to have chills as well as feeling achy in the rest of her body.
Finally, she was able to fall asleep. When she awoke she glanced at the clock and realized that it was just about time for Lucas to walk through the front door. When she heard his footsteps on the stairs she rolled over towards the door. When her chest touched the mattress, she yelped in severe pain.
Lucas, having heard her distress, quickly opened the door and turned on the lights. He was startled by what he saw, Dara had sat up, but he could see that she was seriously ill. Her face was terribly flushed and she was visibly shaking with chills.
Crossing over to her, he placed his hand on her forehead and sucked in his breath. She was burning up with fever. Pulling the blanket from the foot of the bed he wrapped it around her shoulders to warm her up, when he tried to pull is closed over her chest she shrieked and shrank away in pain. Understanding why she pulled back, he pushed the blanket off her shoulders and began unbuttoning her blouse, when he pushed it open to expose her breasts he was shocked. "How long has it been this bad?"
Dara shrugged, "I've felt bad all day, but I thought it was just a virus or something. I don't think that's what this is anymore."
Lucas shook his head agreeing with her statement. Both of her breasts were severely swollen and angry red, he gently examined one and she immediately shrieked from the pain, but he was able to detect a hard lump. Gently pulling her blouse together, so as not to cause her any further pain, he picked up the phone and called Crower. Once he had described what he had seen, Matt instructed him to hurry and get her to the hospital.
Once he told her what Crower had said, she began trying to refasten her blouse, but Lucas could see the difficulty she was having with pulling it closed over her chest. Deciding to solve the problem, he went to his own chest of drawers and pulled one of his shirts from it.
Dara looked at him questioningly, "What am I supposed to do with that? You know I could fit another person in here with me, right?"
Lucas took her own blouse from her shoulders and held his shirt open for her to put on. Once she had slid her arms into it he turned her around and began buttoning it, "That's the idea, this way its not tight across you're chest, get the picture?" Dara, grateful for his fore sight, nodded
After giving his grandmother and son a brief explanation, he guided Dara out to the car, once inside she leaned her head on the door, feeling weak and tired.
After Matt had examined Dara, he shook his head, "I was afraid of this."
Lucas looked at him questioningly, "What is it, and can you cure it?"
Matt nodded, "Yeah I can cure it, but it's going to put Dara flat on her back, literally, for about two more weeks."
Dara looked at him worriedly, "What is it?"
Matt sighed heavily, "Both of your breasts are abscessed, severely. We'll have to drain the infection from them, which means for one you'll have to stop breast-feeding. And two, you'll have to be extremely careful how you move for a couple of weeks."
Dara looked at him, shocked, "Both of them, how?"
Matt shook his head, "Not that hard to guess, you're nursing twins, remember? So it's not that surprising."
Dara looked at him sorrowfully, "This means I wont be able to breast feed them any more, doesn't it?"
Matt nodded, "I'm sorry, but that's about it. By the time you'd be able to they'll have adapted to formula. I'm sorry, Dara."
Dara sighed, "It's not your fault, so when do we do this?"
Matt looked over to Lucas for confirmation, "Well, if you want, I can do it tonight. And if you do well enough I'll let you go home, as long as you promise to take it easy."
Dara looked at him sarcastically, "Do I have a choice?"
Matt shook his head as he smiled in sympathy. "No, not really. Hold on a second and I'll go set everything up." With that he left to make the necessary arrangements.
Lucas could see the turn her thoughts were taking when she hung her head sadly. Placing his finger under her chin to lift her eyes up to meet his, he stated, "This isn't your fault and it makes you no less a mother because you can't breast feed. Besides, look at it this way, now I get to help feed them too and one doesn't have to wait their turn."
Dara looked at him caustically, "Oh yeah, that's a really big consolation, thanks."
When Matt returned with a wheel chair, Lucas helped her off the examination table into it as Matt explained, "It shouldn't take too long, we'll give her something to numb her, so just wait outside and I'll let you know when we're done."
Lucas waited patiently in the waiting room until Matt came out to explain, "She did fine. We got all of the infection; she has a total of two stitches on either side of her breasts. They'll dissolve themselves, so unless she has some complications she should be fine. Her motion is going to be limited for a few days though. She can't raise her arms over her head, so you'll have to help her bathe and wash her hair, stuff like that."
Lucas nodded his comprehension, "When can I take her home?"
Matt glanced down the hall to see a nurse wheeling Dara up the hallway, "Now is fine, but she's groggy from the local I gave her, once she's home put her to bed and let her sleep it off." Handing him a bottle of pills, he stated, "These are antibiotics, make sure she takes them they'll kill whatever, if any, infection she may have left. She should be good as new when she and the twins come in for their checkups."
Once Lucas had her home he helped her out of the car, but the pain medication had her severely disoriented. Seeing the way she was stumbling he was afraid she might fall and tear her stitches. Finally, he placed both her arms by her sides and instructed sternly, "Don't more your arms." With that he gently scooped her up in his arms and proceeded into the house.
Lucilla and Caleb met them at the door. Taking in Dara's groggy state they both inquired, "Is she all right?"
Lucas nodded, "She'll be fine, mama how about helping me put her to bed?"
Lucilla proceeded up the stairs and opened their bedroom door, and then turned down the covers as she asked, "You need help putting a gown on her?"
Lucas nodded as he explained, "Both of her breasts were abscessed, they had to drain the infection out. So we need to mix that formula up for the babies bottles."
Lucilla shrugged, "Well, they took to it well enough earlier, so that should be fine."
After they had put a gown on her and tucked her in, Lucas placed a kiss on her cheek and left so she could rest. Glancing at his grandmother he asked, "When were they last fed?"
Lucilla considered, "We just finished when you walked in."
Lucas nodded, "Good, lets make them some bottles up to carry them until tomorrow. I'll go and buy a case of formula then."
After they had finished preparing the last bottle, Caleb excused himself to go back to the boardinghouse.
Lucas nodded his thanks to the boy and smiled to himself, Caleb was taking to being a big brother better than Lucas had ever hoped he would.
The next morning Dara awoke extremely sore and depressed, the post pardom depression having finally descended to take it's toll.
When Lucas entered their room to check on her, he found her sitting up in the bed, crying. He knew that she was extremely depressed over no longer being able to nurse the babies, but he also knew that she was also suffering from the depression Crower had warned him about.
Sitting on the bed next to her, he gently pulled her into his embrace, careful not to put pressure on her chest. He gently rocked her and stoked her hair until her tears had stopped. After she had calmed, he drew back and smiled at her tenderly, "It's all right, sweetheart. You're entitled to be depressed, regardless of the reason. If you want to cry or shout or scream go ahead, I'll be here for you."
Dara looked up at him with loving amazement, placing her hand along his cheek she inquired, "You put up with a lot from me, don't you?"
Lucas took the hand against his cheek and kissed it gently as he shrugged his shoulders, "So do you, but you're worth what ever it takes to keep you."
Dara reached up and pulled his head down to kiss him deeply, " I do love you and I promise I'll be back to normal as soon as possible." Lucas simply nodded his acceptance of her statement.
Dara was never so grateful for the fact that Trinity was a small, quiet town as she was now that she was indisposed.
Lucas was more then capable of taking over the care of their children, with Lucilla as a backup, allowing her to recuperate fully. He only had to make occasional trips to the station to sign reports or for the occasional emergency, but for the most part, Ben and Floyd were able to handle everything else, stating that Lucas was needed more at home right now than at the station.
Dara stayed mostly in the bed, per Lucas' insistence. She got up and helped feed the babies and although she hated not being able to continue breast feeding, she was satisfied to see the enjoyment it brought to her husband to be able to help feed their children.
Matt came by after about a week to check on her progress and announced that she should be good as new after another week or so.
Loris and Selena, both, ventured by to discuss the outreach program with her; at first Lucas had fussed at the intrusion, especially from Selena, but after Dara insisted that she needed something to occupy her time or she would go crazy, he gave in, finding it difficult to refuse her anything. The only stipulations being that she remain in the bed and rest when she found herself tired.
Despite being limited in her present condition, with Selena and Loris' help, she was able to accomplish a great deal on the project.
Finally, after her six week check up and Matt's endorsement that she was once again good as new, as well as that the twins were both thriving, Lucas relaxed his over protectiveness over his wife.
Dara, after a private conversation with Matt regarding whether or not she had indeed healed, had decided that she needed more than being held closely at night and the passionate kissed she had been receiving.
Lucilla had decided to return to her own home, stating that she was certain that since Dara was now over the double birth, and that she just knew that her own home had gone to rack and ruin.
As she was preparing to leave, Dara hugged the woman tightly; "There isn't any way I can ever thank you for all you've done."
Lucilla looked at her strangely, "Oh yes there is, just take care of my grand babies, as well as Lucas and yourself."
Dara smiled as she replied, "You know I'll always do that."
Moving on to Caleb and hugging him, Lucilla lightly admonished, "You behave and mind your step mama and be a good brother, you hear?"
Caleb kissed her cheek, "I sure will Mama Lucy. You'll come back soon, wont you?"
Lucilla nodded at him, "I'll be back before you know it." Turning to look up at her grandson, she stated, "Well boy, you did me and yourself proud. You've got a good wife and a fine family. Now just don't mess it up and I think you'll do OK."
Lucas shook his head as he stated, "Not a chance, mama. Come back when you can." Closing the door on the taxi that was waiting for her, he watched her leave. Then turning to his wife that he had some things to go over at the station, he kissed her and left.
Caleb, stating that he was staying over at Boone's for a sleep over, waited for Dara's permission before leaving.
Dara nodded her head, giving him her permission, reminding him to behave and have fun. That had been another area of severe change. Since she had been so ill and the birth of the twins, Caleb stayed more and more with them, as well as having begun to acknowledge her as not just his step mother but his mother.
Dara headed back into the house and upstairs to check on her son and daughter, glad for the privacy.
Seeing that her children were sleeping, Dara went to her own bathroom to soak in a long bubble bath and wash her hair. After she was finished she ventured back to the nursery to find her children now away and waiting patiently for their bottles.
Smiling at them as she prepared their bottles for them, she began conversing with them. "Awake all ready, huh? Just like your father as soon as you wake up you want food, well lets see if we can fix that, OK guys."
After placing Alex in a swing to wait his turn, she settled herself and Riesa in the rocking chair to start her feeding. Looking at them pleadingly, she stated her case, "Look, mommy needs a favor from you guys tonight, OK? Mommy and daddy haven't had any alone time in a long time, so I need you guys to behave yourselves tonight, OK? You've already had your baths and now I'm feeding you, I'll change you before I lay you down, so what do you say, we have a deal?"
Watching Riesa's reaction to her words she smiled when she saw the infant raise her eyebrow in perfect imitation of her father. "That a girl, I knew I could count on you." Glancing at Alex, she asked, "Well, how about you sweetie, think you can help mommy out?"
Alex stuck his fist in his mouth as if contemplating his mother's request and then pulling it out grinned and kicked his legs.
Laughing, Dara said, "I'll take that as a yes."
After having fed and changed both, she dressed them for bed and settled once more into her rocker to sing them to sleep.
Lucas entered the house quietly and stood at the foot of the stairs listening to his wife's soft, floating voice as she sang to their children. Listening for a moment she shook his head. Before he had married Dara, if he had heard someone singing such nonsense he would have scorned them, but all he could think of now listening to his wife singing their children to sleep, was how beautiful it sounded.
After Dara was certain that both babies were sound asleep, she gently placed them in their cribs for the night. Having heard her husband downstairs, she hurried to finish dressing. Brushing her now dry hair until it was shining, she then went to the dresser and pulled out the negligee she had worn on their wedding night. After she was dressed she studied her reflection in the full-length mirror. She had lost all of the weight from her pregnancy, as well as having acquired a roundness to her hips that comes only with childbirth. She had increased slightly in bust size, but she was still firm. Sighing, she stated her most fervent wish, "Well, hopefully he'll still like what he sees." Pulling her shoulders back and holding her head high, she went downstairs in search of her husband.
Lucas was in the living room stoking the fire when he heard his wife's soft voice timidly calling his name. When he turned around, unable to believe his own eyes, he stood staring at her. She was wearing the same gown she wore their wedding night. Her long hair had been brushed to a sheen and glowed from the light cast by the fire. The only thing Lucas could think to compare her to was a goddess.
Thinking that he wasn't attracted to her any longer, by the lack of response from him, Dara began unconsciously wringing her hands in indecision.
Lucas, recognizing the gesture, walked over and gently took her hands in his, leading her over to the sofa, he sat down and pulled her to sit next to him. Seeing her thoughts reflected in her eyes, he pushed her hair back over her shoulder, then placed his hand on her cheek.
Closing her eyes to savor the contact, she placed her own hand over his and offered sadly, "I'm sorry if you don't feel attracted to me anymore, I'll understand."
Lucas smiled ruefully and shook his head, "No, quite the opposite. You are without a doubt the most beautiful women I've ever seen. You just take my breath away and leave me speechless, that's all." Pulling her to him he kissed her to prove his point. Gentle at first he became more demanding as he was met by her responses. Pulling back slightly he looked into her eyes, "Are you sure you're up to this? I don't think I can wait any longer."
After she nodded her agreement, he pulled her up from the sofa and sweeping her into his arms he began kissing her once more as she began unbuttoning his vest and shirt with the other hand to allow her to fun her free hand over his chest. When they reached their bedroom, Lucas cast a glance towards the nursery, "What about the babies?"
Dara smiled, "All settled for the night."
Lucas grinned at her leeringly, "Good. I intend to keep you busy for the night."
Dara smiled at him seductively, "Really, is that a promise?"
After they had found release in each other and were lying together in the aftermath, Lucas kissed the top of Dara's head and he stated, "I told you before, it won't ever change between us, do you believe me now?"
Dara hugged him tighter, "Yes I do. Imagine when we're in our old age."
Lucas pulled her closer, "I wont ever think of you as old, ever."
Dara smiled up at him, "I'll remind you of that in say twenty years." With that they settled down to sleep until morning.
It wasn't long before Dara returned to work, leaving the twins in the care of the nanny she and Lucas had chosen. She was a retired pediatrics nurse whose husband had dies, leaving her with time on her hands. She reminded Dara a great deal of her mother.
Mrs. Carlton had so far proven to be excellent with the twins, doting on every new accomplishment.
Dara had only returned part time to her counseling, having given up her private practice. She concentrated her time between the outreach program and the hospital.
Life seemed to go on with a great deal of contentment and security for Lucas and Dara, however both were about to be totally destroyed.
The beginning came innocently enough, the hospital had begun developing its psychiatric programs with more seriousness, hiring an imminent psychiatrist to head it's department.
Matt came by Dara's office one afternoon as she was preparing to leave. Lounging against the doorframe, he held up a piece of paper, "Did you see this?"
Dara nodded, "If that's the memo about the arrival of Dr. Landrum, then yes I saw it, what about it?"
Matt shrugged, "I was just curious as to your take on it, that's all."
Dara looked at him in amusement, "You act as though I actually have some say over who they hire or fire around here."
Matt grinned in reply, "No, but you do realize that as far as any type of psychiatric support around her goes, so far it's a padded cell or you."
Dara had to laugh at that one, "Oh great, some choice, Matt, either the nut house, or me that's a catchy thing to put on a business card. Actually, I think hiring a psychiatrist, especially one with his reputation, is quite a feather in their caps. Besides that, it will ease my guilt over only working part time."
Matt looked at her seriously, "You know we do have a good day care here, why not bring the babies to work with you?"
Dara shook her head, "Are you kidding? It was hard enough to convince Lucas to let me come back part time, he would never allow the twins to be put in day care, and you know that."
Matt nodded, "Yeah, but I thought I'd suggest it anyway."
Dara smiled on her way out the door, "Oh relax, you know you'll always be our favorite doctor." Pulling the door shut behind her, she bid Matt goodbye and headed for her car in the garage. Once she reached the level where she had parked, she hurried to her car, trying to re-balance her purse, briefcase and the files that she was trying to place inside the case.
She looked up just in time to collide with a man who was also preoccupied with his own balancing act. Too late to keep form bumping into he man, she watched helplessly as both their precarious loads inter mixed and scattered on the concrete floor.
Looking at the mess at her feet, Dara swore, "Damned, I'm already late. Terrific" Looking at the stranger, she stated, "You could have watched where you were going," then sighing guiltily, she observed, "but then so could I. So I can blame you for doing what I was." Bending down, whe began to sort through the jumble to reclaim her own documents.
Following her lead, the man knelt down and began to gather his own things together, looking across to Dara he stated, "I am sorry, I guess I was preoccupied as well."
Dara looked over at him, as she was finishing stacking her papers, "Its all right no harm done, we have everything back so its no big deal."
When the man stood he towered above her. Even wearing a pair of one-inch heels she only cam up to just below his chest. Looking up she noticed that he was good looking in a sophisticated way. He had dark, straight hair and bright blue eyes. Although he was attractive, she found no interest in him, mentally comparing him with Lucas' dark handsomeness; she preferred her husband's rugged strength to this man's quite demeanor.
Glancing at Dara, he asked cautiously, "I suppose you've had a hard day with patients and such?"
Nodding, she replied, "I suppose, I'm a counselor here, and it's been a hectic day. I'm sorry about the mess, but I am late so you have a nice day." Walking around him, she headed to her car.
Watching as she walked away, he muttered to himself, "Counselor, huh? Well are you ever in for a surprise, Dara Chambers Buck."