"Mum

A/N: Well, this is the next installment. Severus makes his debut, and we find out Ariadne's last name, as well as the name of her brother. Malfoy pops up in one scene, and he will have a major role starting next chapter. Warning for words—I finally introduced some cusses…

This part is a bit darker at the end…the woman remembers her past.

***

I cannot live with You—
It would be Life—
And Life is over there—
Behind the Shelf
 
The Sexton keeps the Key to—
Putting up
Our Life—His Porcelain—
Like a Cup—
 
Discarded of the Housewife—
Quaint—or Broke—
A newer Sevres pleases—
Old Ones crack—
 
I could not die—with You—
For One must wait
To shut the Other's Gaze down—
You—could not—
 
And I—could I stand by
And see You—freeze—
Without my Right of Frost—
Death's privilege?
 
Nor could I rise—with You—
Because Your Face
Would put out Jesus'—
That New Grace
 
Glow plain—and foreign
On my homesick Eye—
Except that You than He
Shone closer by—
 
They'd judge Us—How—
For You—served Heaven—You know,
Or sought to—
I could not—
 
Because You saturated Sight—
And I had no more Eyes
For sordid excellence
As Paradise
 
And were You lost, I would be—
Though My Name
Rang loudest
On the Heavenly fame—
 
And were You—saved—
And I—condemned to be
Where You were not—
That self—were Hell to Me—
 
So We must meet apart—
You there—I—here—
With just the Door ajar
That Oceans are—and Prayer—
And that White Sustenance—
Despair—
 
~I Cannot Live With You
Emily Dickinson

***

The Ghosts In My Head Chapter Three: Beautiful Disaster

"Mum? Can you talk?"

Talk? Can I talk?

"Y-ye-yes," I manage to choke out.

I am surprised at how weak I sound. I've never thought of myself as a pitiful person, but I certainly sound the part now.

"Mum," one of my sons-I can't tell which- says, "Mum, you're going to be all right. Just hold out a bit longer, all right? Can you do that for me?"

Longer?

I will try, my children.

I will.

Silence.

How much longer?

The potion my son gave me is beginning to wear off.

"He'll have to get a hold of Uncle Severus," I hear one of them whisper.

I am cold again.

Is it longer yet?

"Undoubtedly."

Severus? Can Severus help me?

How about now? Is it a bit longer now?

I don't think anyone can help me.

***

Remus had been in his office, yes. That wasn't the surprise. It was what he was doing in his office that was the shocking detail.

Remus was sitting in his desk chair, hair ruffled, shirt wrinkled, involved in a passionate embrace with Arabella Figg, his ex, another Auror in his department.

She gasped.

Remus looked up.

Their eyes met.

"Ariadne," he exclaimed, his face slightly red. "I—"

Ariadne stepped into the threshold of the office, eyes flashing with anger. She shoved Arabella off of Remus' lap and slapped him as hard as she could across the face.

"Remus Lupin, you bastard!" she shouted.

All of the Aurors within the Auror's Wing gathered around Remus' office to catch the conversation, but Ariadne didn't care. It was better, actually. This way she could really embarrass him.

"How could you?" she hissed. "Did you think you could fucking get away with this? Hmm?" She leaned in close to him so that their noses were inches away. "How long has this been going on? Is that where you were last Tuesday, when you were too sick—she outlined the word by quotation marks with her fingers—" to go out with me?

"Well, Mr. Lupin," she exclaimed, holding back angry tears, you can find yourself a new girlfriend, because I refuse to date a two-timing ass-hole. Well? What do you have to fucking say for yourself, you piece of shit?"

Remus seemed a bit fazed.

"Ariadne," he began, "this isn't what it looks like—"

"Oh no," she spat sarcastically, "you didn't just have your ex on your lap, and you certainly weren't snogging her. No, of course not, my mistake!

"Of course it's what it looks like, you incompetent fool! If you can't even recall what you just did two minutes ago, I suppose I mistook you for someone else. Someone decent, with half a brain. We are through, Lupin. Don't even bother trying to apologize. I don't listen to people with short-term memory problems."

And with that she stormed out, leaving Remus with sympathetic looks from all the males in the department, and applause for Ariadne's speech from the females.

***

My stomach is still bleeding. I cannot open my eyes anymore, but I can feel the blood from my gaping wound.

It is almost funny.

I used to faint at the sight of blood.

I got over it after I had my first child.

My first baby, my son, the son who is outside now, beneath the maple tree.

He liked syrup.

"Go get some more potion Her breathing is ragged." My oldest daughter says this, I am sure.

I am so cold now.

"I don't have any more!" Guilt.

Cold like the rainy die my baby died.

"Can't you make some?" Panic.

Cold like the day we buried him.

"No! I ran out of rat tails!" Fear.

Cold like death.

***

Ariadne flew out of the Ministry and down the steps, her mind clouded with rage. How dare Remus do that to her? Cheat on her?

How could he break her heart? Silent tears were streaming down her face and she hurriedly wiped them away. The last thing she needed was someone to see her crying.

She was so upset she didn't notice the man on the step bellow her, his nose in his newspaper. She ran right into him.

"Why don't you watch where you're going?" he sneered, picking himself up off the ground.

"Maybe if you weren't reading the damned newspaper," she spat back, "you actually might be able to see the people in front of you." She stood, glaring at the man.

A grin appeared on his face. "Ah, Miss Snape. How are you?"

It was Lucius Malfoy, one of Severus' friends from Hogwarts.

Now, the correct answer when anyone asks, "how are you?" is simply, "fine, thanks," or something of the sort. It can even be followed with something like, "and you?" when one wants to further the conversation or be polite.

However, Ariadne was so upset that she couldn't be bothered with petty niceties. No, she told Lucius exactly how she was feeling.

"I'm awful, Malfoy. Just bloody awful."

Lucius smirked at her. "What, your little Auror break your heart?"

Ariadne wasn't going to let him have the satisfaction of being right.

"Speaking of heart-break," she replied, "I heard that you and that witch aren't together anymore—what, she get tired of being with a narcissist?"

His smirk, instead of disappearing, merely grew. "He did, didn't he?"

She looked at the ground. "That obvious, huh?"

He shook his head, laughing. "No, you could hear your little speech from out here."

She looked up, horrified. "You couldn't!"

He nodded. "Nicely done, I must say."

She moaned. "Oh dear."

Lucius shrugged. "Personally, I think he deserved it. No one should cheat on their girlfriend."

Ariadne glared at him. "This from the man that had a new girl every week?"

He shrugged again. "People can change. Besides, I know what it's like."

Ariadne nodded. "Ah, your girl cheated on you?"

"She's not my girl anymore."

"Obviously."

Lucius looked at her. "You've certainly changed."

She raised an eyebrow. "It's been four years, you know."

He nodded. "I know. And unfortunately, I must run. It was lovely seeing you again."

She sighed. "Whatever you say, Malfoy. Whatever you say." She dashed away before the tears in her eyes threatened to spill.

***

"Is Mummy going to die?"

Die?

"No, she's going to be fine. Don't worry."

Die? I hope not.

"Will Uncle Severus be here soon to fix her?"

I'd really like to live.

"I don't want Mummy to die! I'd miss her!"

Oh baby, I'd miss you, too! I'd don't want to die, either!

"She's not going to die! Shut up and let me think!"

Oh Lucas, don't be so rough. She's only a child.

Cold. So cold.

Wails. My baby is crying.

"Luke! Leave her alone, she's only seven!"

Someone, please, a Heating Charm.

"I'm sorry. But I need to think! I have to make this potion for Mum, all right?"

Sniffles. The sobs subside.

"I thought you were out of rat tails or something!"

Rats?

"I am! But I know there's something else that can be used, I just don't know what it is."

Rats carried the Black Death.

"Oh."

Black is the color of death.

"Well, hurry!"

It has taken so many, the blackness.

"I'm trying!"

Will the blackness take me?

***

After having a lovely cry in an alley on Baker's Street, Ariadne decided to go see her brother. After all, maybe he would kill Remus or something…

No, she didn't really want him dead. Maybe within an inch of his life, but not dead. Guilt was an emotion she was used to—after all, as a child, everything was her fault, and if you hear something enough, you start to believe it. But even though she had felt guilty many times, it was never something she dealt with lightly.

The guilt became anger—anger at herself, at her mother, at the stuffed bear that fell off her bed.

Guilt was what made her change her hair color.

Guilt was what made her befriend Lily and Dinah.

And, in a sense, guilt was what made her date Remus Lupin.

It was all very easy to say she loved him when she was dating him, but how much of that had she meant? Had she kissed him that night because she felt something there, or because she needed to be comforted? Or did she just feel sorry for him?

Had she really loved him at all, or just the idea of him?

The idea of a perfect man, caring, and compassionate, someone who was always there for her. The idea of having someone to trust, someone to love. Someone that would never hurt her, someone to spend the rest of her life with. Was Remus that perfect man?

He wasn't. He couldn't be. After all, he had just broken her heart. He had just hurt her. And she certainly wasn't going to spend the rest of her life with him.

Bang. Bang.

The doors of Snape manor were thick, big metal rectangles, with knockers that had the letter "S" on them. The Snape family crest was raised in metal across the two front doors, two snakes coming together to form the outline of a shield, surrounding a large "S" in the middle of the shield. Behind the "S" was an open-palmed hand, fingers cupped together, the sign of healers.

Bang. Bang

The door flew open.

"Yes?" Her brother stood there, sneering in his usual fashion.

The tears welled suddenly in her eyes, and Ariadne lost it. "Oh, Severus!" she wailed, throwing herself on her brother.

Severus struggled for a moment against her. "Ariadne, what the hell are you doing?" he asked, his voice confused.

"Oh, Severus, he cheated on me!" she wailed, burying her face in his shoulder. "I saw him! Oh, Severus!"

Severus tried to extirpate himself from her grasp, but she refused to let go of him. Awkwardly, he dragged her backwards into the living room, where Dinah was sitting on the couch.

Dinah jumped up. "Ariadne!" she exclaimed. "Ria, what's the matter?"

Ariadne just sobbed.

Severus gently set her down on the couch. "Something with Lupin, I think." His voice took on the murderous tone that was present whenever the werewolf was mentioned.

"Remus?" Dinah asked gently. "Ria, did you two break up?"

Ariadne cried louder.

Dinah nodded. "That's it."

Severus clenched his fists. "If he did anything to hurt her, I swear I will—"

Dinah grabbed his shoulder. "Severus, calm down. Let's just find out what happened. Tell you what. Go make some tea, all right?"

Judging from the look on Severus' face, he would far rather find Lupin and practice one of the Forbidden Curses on him than make a pot of tea, but he merely nodded and left the room.

"Good, now that he's gone…he's not very good at comforting people, I should know." Dinah patted Ariadne's shoulder sympathetically. "Now Ria, tell me what's wrong."

And so the story slowly came out, with many breaks for crying, and lots of cups of tea—Severus kept getting up to leave the room, mumbling about hormonal women.

"So you found him with Arabella Figg?" Dinah asked gently, smoothing Ariadne's hair.

Ariadne nodded. "She was on his lap." Silent tears streamed down her cheeks.

Severus had just come into the room again. He dropped the cup of tea he had been holding and clenched his fists.

"That dirty damned bastard," he spat. "I'm going to go rip his—"

"Severus, that won't solve anything," Dinah said soothingly, cleaning up the spilt tea and broken cup with two simple spells. "Sit down."

Severus sat, gaping at her in shock. "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" he growled. "Dinah, that's very un-Slytherin of you. I expected better, really."

An insane grin appeared on Dinah's face. "Oh, I had no intention of letting the son-of-a-bitch get away with it. I was going to get my rifle and shoot his head off."

Ariadne couldn't help but giggle. "Dinah!"

Severus rolled his eyes. "Oh yes, and that would solve everything. Get the damned Muggles involved as well. Really very clever of you, Din. I can see the headlines now: Auror Arrested by Muggles."

"Oh, I suppose you're right…shame though, I've really been wanting to get some use out of that thing."

Ariadne stood, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "Really, it's fine. I've already dealt with him."

Severus pulled her back down. "Is he alive? Can he walk?"

"Yes and yes, but I don't see what that has to do with—"

"Then you haven't dealt with him," Dinah cut in, shaking Ariadne. "C'mon, Ria, let me and Sev here go out and blow up the piece of shit."

"No!" Ariadne stood again. "Let me deal with him later. I've got an idea."

Dinah sighed. "Oh, all right."

"Ria," Severus began.

"Not now, Sev." Ariadne gave him a look.

He copied Dinah and sighed, not looking resigned enough for Ariadne's taste, but she decided not to press anymore. A flash of worry shot through Ariadne's mind. What if he did something foolish?

"Oh, Ria, you'll have to stay here tonight, hon," Dinah said, breaking in on Ariadne's thoughts. "I've got to go away again."

Ariadne sighed. "Severus, is anyone-?"

He nodded. "I'll talk to you about it later."

Dinah looked confused, but didn't say anything. She'd learned long ago that asking what the big secret between the Snape brother and sister was futile. They refused to tell her.

"Lily will be here, though," she put in helpfully. "But I think she and James got somethin' goin' on." Dinah's American accent was beginning seep in, much to her distaste.

"Oh." Ariadne looked down. Great. Another Death Eater meeting. Maybe she would go hide at Lily's place, even if James was there. But—but what if Remus was there?

Dinah stood and stretched, yawning. "Well, I've gotta go pack. See you two 'round."

She walked out the door with a final wave.

Severus immediately turned to Ariadne. "I'm going to fucking kill him."

***

The pain.

The pain has gone…I feel only numbness.

I cannot think clearly anymore…the past blends to the present to the future and back again.

"You bitch! You will do as we say, you little delinquent!"

No. That is not now. Back to now. Think of Hera, of Lucas. Of their father, not the kindest man in the world, but the best husband a woman could ask for. He is my everything. Think of him. His smirking face, his frosty blue eyes…

"Father, please! It's just a fork!"

No! Please, no memories, Father, please! Please!

Smack!

"Father! Please, don't hit me!"

Smack!

No! No, please! I know I was a bad child! No, please, stop torturing me!

"Please!"

Please! Oh Gods, no more pain! No more anguish!

"She's shaking!" says a voice of the present.

Oh Gods, stop. Please. I want to forget.

"Quick, get a blanket!"

I had forgotten.

I was such a bad child!

I remember.

I don't deserve to live!

Guilt.

I don't want to live.

Do I?

A/N: Well, it got a bit darker…the next part should have some much-needed humor…

Disclaimer: I own only Ria and Dinah. The Chapter Title is the name of a song by 311.

Next Chapter: Ria gets drunk, Malfoy gets drunk, and the woman remembers some more of her past…