"See, darling?" Lucius said calmly. "This isn't so bad, is it?"
"Shut up, Lucius! I don't see anything coming out of your vagina!"
Ariadne was laying in her bed, giving birth to her first child, a boy that she and Lucius had decided to call Lucius Jr. Or rather, Lucius had decided to call him Lucius Jr. Ariadne had pushed for Bryant, but Lucius wouldn't hear of it. He wanted his son to have a strong name everyone would know the moment they heard it.
Doctor Fitz Blokesburg was also in the room, standing by Ariadne's husband, urging her to push.
Despite Ariadne's protests that she was fully capable of delivering the baby herself, Lucius had insisted upon bringing in the best doctor there was in the British magical community. The two medically related issues that healers couldn't deal with were illness and pregnancy.
Even though magic could diminish the pain slightly, there was no spell to completely remove it. So Ariadne was in an immense amount of pain, which tended to make her a bit snappish.
"One more big push, Mrs. Malfoy. That's it." The doctor was kneeling on the floor at the end of Ariadne's bed. They had been there for eight hours already, and Dr. Blokesburg, who had to be the most patient person Ariadne had ever met, was still calmly telling her to push. Lucius was being a nuisance by trying to calm her down, and Ariadne was about to go insane.
"You said that fifteen pushes ago, you quack!" she yelled at Blokesburg. The doctor merely chuckled.
"She's got a temper, hasn't she?" he asked Lucius. Ariadne could hear the smile in his voice.
"A rather-"
"AHHH! PAIN!" screamed Ariadne, interrupting Lucius.
"Aha, here's the head!" cried Blokesburg, catching the child's head in his hands. "This is the last push, I promise."
Ariadne pushed, all her energy spent. She had never experienced that much pain, not even when being beaten. Never before had she felt like someone was ripping her apart from the inside out.
"He's so small," Lucius said disapprovingly.
"And it's a good thing. You try and have a six pound baby come out of your member, and then come talk to me about him being too small," Ariadne muttered irritably.
Would you like to hold your son, Mrs. Malfoy?" Blokesburg placed the small bundle in her arms without waiting for an answer.
"Oh!" she exclaimed softly, looking at the small fingers and toes. "Lucius, we--I mean--wow." She couldn't find words to describe the emotions inside of her.
Lucius kissed her cheek. "He is most definitely not a Bryant."
Ariadne's look of wonder turned into a scowl. "Lucius, we have just had a child. Could possibly show some emotion for once?" Honestly, the man was colder than ice. The only emotions he ever displayed were anger and love towards his wife. Despite all his faults, Ariadne knew he loved her, at least in the only way Lucius could ever love anything-coolly and mockingly. Still, he needed her…and she needed him.
He looked at the child in her arms for a moment, then kissed Ariadne's forehead. "I love you," he said simply, taking the baby from her. "And I forgive you for all the rude comments you made whilst in labor. I know you didn't mean them."
"Who said anything about not meaning them?" Ariadne smiled weakly up at her husband, who was too enthralled with his son to notice that she had insulted him.
"He looks so much like me," he said in shock, fingering the blond wisps on the baby's soft head. "He even has my eyes."
"Oh, all babies are born with blue eyes," Blokesburg put in, gathering his medical supplies. "If they're going to change, it'll happen in about six or so months."
"Thank you for all of your help, Doctor," Lucius said with an air of finality. "I will owl you your pay." The tone of Lucius' voice made it clear that he wished the doctor gone.
Blokesburg apparently got the hint; he nodded towards Ariadne and swept out of the room, bag in hand.
"That was unnecessary, Luce," Ariadne scolded. "He was nice, even if he couldn't count. Honestly… 'This is the last one, Mrs. Malfoy…' if I had a Sickle for every time he said that, you'd never have to work another day in your life, love."
Lucius softly rocked the baby. "I already don't need to, Ria. We have more than enough with my inheritance…little Junior will never ever have to worry about money."
Junior began to wail. Lucius nearly dropped him in shock.
Ariadne laughed. "Give him to me." Lucius gratefully handed him over. Ariadne lifted her nightshirt and lifted up the cup of her bra. She properly positioned Junior and he began to suckle contentedly.
Lucius smirked. "I guess I'm not the only one who likes to do that."
She reached up her hand to lightly smack him, but he caught it and squeezed.
They stayed like that for a while, the only sound in the room the soft suckle of a baby. The world seem to freeze in that instant-the only things that mattered were the happiness and safety of the newcomer, and both adults swore a silent oath to do anything to protect the child--while the words were different, the objective was the same.
The child couldn't know the impact that he had had on both of his parents' lives, his father in particular. Lucius Malfoy swore to protect his son, to support his son, to honor his son--but above all--to love his son.
And that was when Lucius Malfoy truly learned how to love.
***
"Lumnamo," someone says again.
I try to open my eyes, but they refuse to comply.
Open, please! I silently plead. I want to see my children!
As I try to force open my eyelids, a think back to a song that little children often say before they go to sleep…
"Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take."
I have never really believed in a God of any sort before.
Yes, I celebrated Christmas, but all it ever was to me was a holiday of presents and feasts. I never considered the religious aspect of it.
There. One eye
I'm not even sure if I was baptized. I don't believe so; I hope my parents would have told me about it, though I wouldn't put it past them to not tell me.
The other eye.
Everyone should go through a slow, painful death. It really makes one think about who they are and what they believe in.
My poor children! Hera, with her tear-stained face, and Lucas, with his stern, worried expression, pacing the room nervously. Persephone and Pluto, the comical grins unusually absent from their bright faces, looking at me with concern and anger and love.
I wonder if perhaps I had believed in a Lord of some sort, if I would still be like this. If I would be dying, struggling to overcome an impossible crisis.
No.
I'd still be like this.
Besides, I've known I was going to hell since I was ten.
I'm rather looking forward to it.
***
As the next two years of Ariadne's life passed, tensions everywhere grew. She could not go out into the street without getting glares from people on both sides of the building war, and some of her Muggleborn and Slytherin Auror friends had begun avoiding her if they passed her in the street.
Two groups of ex-Slytherins had formed: The group of Death Eaters and wives, and the group of Auror and Dumbledore supporters. Ariadne wasn't sure which side she belonged to.
She and Lucius spoiled little Lucius Jr. rotten, as all parents do their first child-taking album after album of pictures, buying the best toys available on the market, and spending as much time with him as possible.
At least, Ariadne did. Lucius made up for his lack of 'at home time' by buying all of those things for his son, as if he could buy his love. Ariadne was slowly convincing him that toys would never compare to a father.
Lucius had quite a bit on his plate during those two years, but he never involved Ariadne. They talked about everything from the birds to the bees to the way that Junior was turning out, but they never reached the topic that bothered Lucius the most:
The Dark Lord.
Lord Voldemort had nearly doubled the amount of supporters in his circle since Ariadne and Lucius had wed. Lucius was highly valued by his Lord, and he used his influence to keep Severus safe from the other Death Eaters, who were not pleased to hear that Severus Snape, Death Eater and Potions Master extraordinaire, had married a Mudblood-a Mudblood Auror, no less.
It didn't help that Severus had taken a job at Hogwarts, teaching children how to properly brew Potions. Ariadne didn't see how he could do it. Severus had less patience than she did, and you could fit hers on the head of a needle.
Dinah had no idea that her husband was right in the inner circle of Lord Voldemort, the man she had sworn to kill. She had no idea that half of the Death Eaters wanted to kill her especially, struck by the belief that she had bewitched Severus.
At some point in those two years, Severus had a revelation. He had come to Ariadne in the middle of the night, rain-soaked and exhausted. He had gotten her attention by healing a cut on his leg, and the light, which all healers are sensitive to, woke her from her slumber.
She had instantly known that it was Severus, and, grabbing her cloak, Apparated to where he stood.
"Ria," he croaked hoarsely, "you've got to help them."
Ariadne looked at him with a confused expression on her face. "Help who, Sev?"
Severus leant against a nearby tree for support. "Lily…James…Potter…Lily…help Lily…"
Ariadne had put an arm around her brother, half supporting his weight. She could smell the cigarette smoke on his breath (Severus had always smoked), and he smelled of Veritaserum as well, for some reason. "What do you mean? Help them with what?"
"Dark Lord…told Dumbledore…Lily," he babbled incoherently. "Dark Lord…Lily…Dumbledore…told him everything…spy…Lily…Lily…" he trailed off, slumping to the ground.
Ariadne later found out that Severus had found out that Voldemort intended to kill James Potter, and force Lily into…certain acts… acts that made Ariadne gag. Severus had always been in love with Lily, and even though his fantasy of sweeping her off her feet in front of James Potter's jealous eyes had died long ago, he still had always liked her, even if she had broken his heart.
So Severus had decided to switch sides, for that reason and others he would not divulge, though Ariadne had a suspicion that they had something to do with his wife. Severus was now a spy for the light side, and Dumbledore apparently was not going to turn him over to the Aurors. Dumbledore had always liked Severus, for some reason-he had liked both Snapes, actually (Ariadne had been a frequent visitor of his, getting sent up for committing some rebellious crime)-and had taken pity on the young man with parents so involved in the Dark Arts. Ariadne realized that her brother had probably played this card.
In truth, Ariadne figured that Severus was still slightly in love with Lily-in love enough to defy his master to save her life. So he had no choice but to tell Dumbledore that he was a Death Eater, and offer his services as a spy to repent. Dumbledore had most likely mentioned something about Severus' parents and how focused upon the Arts they had been, and Severus had grabbed the opportunity. Ariadne knew her brother well enough to know that he was good at using other people's faults to his advantage-in this case, Dumbledore's pity and trust, and his parents' association with the Dark Lord. Severus had never liked pity, but he liked it more than he liked Azkaban.
While Severus was spying for the good side, Lucius was sinking deeper and deeper into the dark side. He was always pleasant to his wife and son, and it was obvious that he loved them very much, but Ariadne had caught him practicing a particularly nasty curse on the house-elf, who only calmed down after Ariadne promised that Dobby could take the afternoon off.
Lucius began staying later then he had before with his Death Eater friends, often coming home completely wasted, which was hard for Lucius-it took a lot to get that man drunk. And as cruel as he was when he was sober, he was doubly so when soused.
Ariadne often sensed that Lucius was fighting some inner demons-he would go into flying rampages at times, throwing things at the walls-never hurting her or Junior, but scaring them both out of their wits. Nights like that Ariadne slept in Junior's room.
Other times, he was the sweetest man in the world-bringing home flowers and gifts, taking his wife and child out for dinner (sometimes just the two adults when he wanted it to be romantic)-and Ariadne was able see past his almost schizophrenic personality.
It occurred to Ariadne that Lucius was behaving in almost the same way as a man in an abusive relationship would act-except for the fact that he never raised a hand to her or Junior. He would yell, scream, throw empty bottles of whisky-but he never physically hurt his wife or son.
Ariadne tried many times to get Lucius to tell her what was bothering him, but he coldly informed her it was none of her business and quickly changed the subject every time.
So Ariadne lived amidst this growing tension, trying her hardest to appear unaffected by it. Junior was turning out to be quite the talker-very verbal, although he didn't know very many words. He was also the "cutest little thing in the universe," according to Dinah, who was crazy about her little nephew. She never once called him Lucius, only Junior, or "June-yeh," as it sounded through her odd accent.
It was a clear day in June when Junior sat at the table in his little booster chair, eating-or rather, playing with-his favorite food-pancakes with plenty of maple syrup.
"Yummy!" he cried, banging his little spoon on the table, flinging syrup into Ariadne's hair.
Ariadne groaned and picked up her wand to remove the mess. "Eat, you little demon," she said, "before I eat them for you."
Junior looked at her in horror and pulled his little plate towards him possessively. "Mine," he said in a serious voice.
Ariadne had to laugh at his expression. "I won't take them if you eat them! Besides," she added in an undertone, "the last thing I need to do is gain any more weight. I'm still trying to work off the flab from carrying you around for nine months, you little monster!"
He just grinned and made pictures in his syrup.
His mother sighed. "I could kill that damned house-elf for giving you syrup."
He gurgled and showed her his hands, wiggling his sticky fingers.
"Wonderful." She raised her wand and cleaned his hands and face. "Nap time!" she announced, a sigh of relief adding to the statement.
"No."
"Yes. I gave you a treat for lunch, and it's time for a nap." Ariadne lifted her son from his chair. "Up we go."
"No! No nap!" he cried, trying to wiggle out of her grasp.
"Yes. Nap time…I'll sing you the 'Love You' song, okay?"
Junior stopped fidgeting. "'Love You' song?
Ariadne laughed. "Yes. Before your nap."
"No nap," he said, albeit a bit weakly. He yawned. "No sleep."
She laughed again, opening the door to Junior's lavish room. The room was painted a soft, sage color, with a blue ceiling with his name scrawled across in huge sage letters. The curtains matched the room, whilst the carpet was an off-white color, and the floor was soft and bouncy.
Junior's bed was a little bed that used the mattress from his old crib (Lucius had insisted that his son be out of a crib by his second birthday), and the bed was made to look like he was riding a giant broomstick, with stars that actually whizzed by him if a button was pushed.
Ariadne pulled back the covers on the bed (with Snitches, Bludgers, and Quaffles printed on them gently placed her son in the bed, and covered him, kissing him on the cheek.
"Do you want the 'Love You' song?" she asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.
He wordlessly nodded, yawning again.
Ariadne smiled at his small figure. "Okay, love, but don't complain about my voice."
"I can remember the nights,
When Mother would turn out the lights,
And she'd sing me to sleep, in a voice soft and sweet,
To the 'I Love You Lullaby'
I l-o-v-e y-o-u,
You're all of my dreams come true,
From your cute little nose,
To the tip of your toes,
I l-o-v-e y-o-u
Heaven has given to me,
The loveliest gift that could be,
And I cherish the sight,
Of those eyes growing bright,
To the 'I Love You Lullaby'
I l-o-v-e y-o-u,
You're all of my dreams come true,
From your cute little nose,
To the tip of your toes,
I l-o-v-e y-o-u"
The I Love You Lullaby was a Muggle song that Lily had taught Ariadne when she had asked if her friend knew any good lullabies. Apparently Lily's mother used to sing it to her, and her mother had gotten it from something called a tape.
The song always put Junior right to sleep, and that afternoon was no exception. Ariadne tipped-toed down the stairs, walking into her brightly lit kitchen. She picked up her quilting hoop (she had taken it up, much to her chagrin), and set to her task, humming the songs from the muggle musical, The King and I, which Lily and Dinah had taken her to see, along with Sound of Music and Fiddler on the Roof.
It was amazing how right Lucius had turned out to be. While Ariadne would love to be out healing, wielding her craft the best she could, she couldn't imagine not staying at home with her son. Of course, Junior would start school in a few years, but Ariadne hoped to have more children by then.
Lucius had come home particularly upset the night before. Ariadne had never been used as an outlet before, and while Lucius was always passionate, this was the first time he had ever actually caused her pain in bed.
Bang. Bang.
Who could be at the door at this hour? All of Lucius' friends were at work, and most of Ariadne's friends were also at their respective offices, or at home with their own children.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
The knocking grew louder and harder. Ariadne grabbed her hoop, sighing as she rose to answer the door.
Bang. Bang.
"I'm coming!" she shouted. "Calm down!"
She pulled open the door, scowling at the persistent knocker. "What do you--oh shit." She dropped her quilting, and the wooden hoop hit the floor with a loud crack. "Who are you?" she asked in a hoarse sort of whisper.
Two men in dark robes and white masks stood in front of her. "Mrs. Malfoy, I presume?"
Ariadne nodded wordlessly. The taller of the men stepped forward and grabbed her around the waist. "Is anyone else home?" When she didn't respond, the man shook her and yelled, "Answer me, bitch!"
Ariadne shook her head. "N-no."
The man leaned in closer. "Liar," he breathed. His breath was awful, and it took all of Ariadne's self-control not to back away in fear. "Tell the truth, whore!"
"M--my son-upstairs, sleeping--he's only two, please, don't--"
The man threw her roughly against the wall, cutting her off. He turned to the other man. "Go. You know what to do."
The shorter man silently nodded and walked up the stairs. Ariadne let out a dry sob.
"What are you going to do?" she said softly, looking up at the man fearfully. "Who are you?"
"You, Mrs. Malfoy, need to learn a lesson…you are, after all, a Death Eater's wife." The man took out his wand and polished it on his robes.
Aurors! The men were Aurors! But what were they going to do to--oh no. Oh Gods no, not Junior! No!
She leapt for the stairs, getting to the third step before the man pulled her back, throwing her down onto the floor.
"I think not, Mrs. Malfoy."
"Junior!" Ariadne yelled, throwing herself at the man. Startled, he staggered back a bit, dropping his wand. Ariadne began punching every part of him that she could reach. Suddenly the man threw her back against the wall, spitting angrily on the ground.
He went over to her and punched her in the jaw--hard. Ariadne tasted blood. He kicked her in the stomach, and she slumped down to the floor. The man retrieved his wand and stood over her, his eyes glittering madly.
"Petrificus Totalis," he spat venomously. "Mrs. Malfoy, I'm afraid that you seem to have lost this battle. You really shouldn't have married a Death Eater, you know. Could have saved yourself a load of trouble…but you obviously don't think, do you, bitch?"
Ariadne couldn't move, being bound, but her eyes were wide with fear. This particular curse always brought back painful memories of the night she had been raped. And this man was just as crazy as Avery had been.
The shorter man re-entered the room.
"Did you do it?" the taller man asked, looking up from his captive.
The other man nodded, looking at Ariadne.
"Good. Let's go." The two men walked towards the door, the shorter man exiting, the taller man removing the curse on Ariadne before doing the same.
Ariadne got shakily to her feet, using the wall to steady herself. She started for the stairs, collapsing on the second step. She walked as fast as she could without slipping up the marble staircase, terrified that something had happened to her little boy.
She pushed open the door to his room--
And fell to the floor.
Hovering above Junior's bed were the words, "THIS IS TO TEACH YOU A LESSON ABOUT BEING A DEATH EATER."
Junior lay in his bed, and it appeared that he was still sleeping. They hadn't done anything to him! He was safe! He was--
Cold. Stiff. His eyes were closed, and he was still. Too still. His little tummy no longer moved up and down in sync with his breathing--for he neither inhaled nor exhaled any breath.
"No," Ariadne whispered hoarsely. "Junior! Junior, wake--no! Junior, please! Junior, please, wake up! For Mummy! Please, Junior, don't be dead!"
She threw herself upon her son, cradling him to her chest. Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks, and she rocked the small child in her arms.
"Junior! Please! No, you can't be dead! No, not you! Not my baby! Please, come back! Junior!"
He didn't answer, Ariadne just held him, pleading with him over and over again to come back. This wasn't happening. He wasn't dead. The men hadn't killed him.
Ariadne didn't know how long she sat there, pleading with her dead child, but she was jerked back to reality when she heard the front door open and close.
"Ria? Junior? I'm home, where are you two?" Usually Junior ran to the door when his father arrived home.
Ariadne was filled with a blinding rage unlike she had ever felt. She gently placed her son on the bed, kissing his forehead. She practically flew out of the room and down the stairs, leaping onto her husband, knocking him to the ground.
"You bastard!" she yelled, punching his face as hard as she could. "You fucking bastard! You did it! You fucking did it! It's your fucking fault! You bastard! You fucking bastard…" She trailed off, sobbing, still beating her fists against him.
Lucius looked shocked. "What did I do, Love? What's my fault? And why are you punching me?"
"Go upstairs, you bastard!" she screamed at him. "Go see what the fuck you've done!"
He extricated himself from her grip and slowly climbed the stairs, as if he was afraid of what he would see. And so he should be. And it was all his fault. All his damned, fucking fault, the bastard. She was going to--
An anguished moan that she had never heard from Lucius before could be heard throughout the entire house. She looked up at the staircase as Lucius ran down them, tears blurring her vision.
He skipped the last three steps and fell to the floor in his haste to get to his wife. He threw himself at her, wrapping his arms around her tightly. She buried her head in his chest as he held her, kissing her forehead and smoothing her hair.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered, his voice cracking. "I never thought--" he stopped, changing his tone of voice. "Who did it?" he asked, voice harsh. "Who did it?"
"Men--in masks," Ariadne sobbed. "Aurors. They were. I know--"
"I'll kill them," he said hoarsely. "We will. We won't rest--my friends--they'll help-Severus--we'll kill them. They won't live to see another week."
She sobbed, and he held her, never once letting a tear fall from his eyes. His grip on his wife tightened as thought about the men that had killed his son. His only son. They would pay. He would make sure of that.
A/N: Gods, that was hard. I really liked Luce Jr., too. He was so cute…
Disclaimer: I only own Ariadne, and Luce Jr., now deceased…*sob*. Okay, that was mean of me, I know, but it had to happen! Half the plot is based off of this… Chapter title comes from Sarah McLaughlin's I Love You. Thanks to Abby, who gave me the title…betas are wonderful, aren't they?