Author's Note: Must give credit where credit is due. The marco polo thing
is NOT my idea, it came from a list at Evilgenki... I just had
to make it into a story. Go, visit the wondeful Xellos shrine!! Oh, and, no one
take that New Jersey crack seriously, I just picked the first state that came to
my head. ^^
Thanks so much for the reviews!! This one's not as good
as the last one, so bear with me, because episode 3 is much funnier!
-------------------------------------------------------
Director: Congrats, happy cast, the premiere was great!
Zelgadis: Happy?
Director: Be sure and use that skill tonight, okay?
Zelgadis: About being your pawns?
Lina: Hey, yeah, no fair doing the pawn-thing!
Zelgadis: If anything, we should be happy we at least got to break overnight.
Director: Hey, shut up.
Xellos cuddles up next to the director.
Xellos: My kinda lady!
Filia: Like that! How'd you do that?
Director: (coughs) And now...
Messy Minded Productions Presents...
The Slayers: World Tour
Episode II
Starring
Lina Inverse, Gourry Gabriev, Amelia Wil Tesla Saillune, Zelgadis Greywers, Xellos Metallium, and Filia ul Copt
With
Rezo the Red Priest as Rezo the Road Manager and Martina Zoana Mel Navratilova as Groupie Martina
Special Appearances By:
Zangulus as The Busdriver
Sylphiel Nes Lahda as The Fan Club President
Naga the White Serpant as Naga and the White Serpants
Vrumugun as The Slayers-Hater
Written and Directed by Natalie Detour
Rezo: Faster! He's gaining!
Mugger: Hey wait! Gourry Dear!
Everyone but Martina stops running. Only one person in the world calls their drummer Gourry Dear, and it's...
Lina, Gourry, Amelia, Zel, Filia, Xellos: Sylphiel!
Lo and Behold, the mugger lowers her hood to reveal their fan club president.
Amelia: We thought you were a mugger, Miss Sylphiel!
Sylphiel: I'm sorry if I frightened you. I was just thinking how fortunate it was that I should run into you.
Filia: (glaring at Xellos) It's alright, Sylphiel.
Sylphiel: I tried to meet you all at the airport, but I got there too late and was just on my way home when I spotted you.
Martina: (looks pissed) And just exactly who is this?!
Filia: This is our fan club president, Sylphiel.
Lina: Didn't we tell you about her?
Martina: Damnit! Someone who outranks me as a fan!
Sylphiel: I'm sorry... this doesn't have to be a competition.
Martina ignores her and hangs on Zangulus' arm.
Zelgadis: (muttering) Some fan...
Filia: Fan? Not quite. More like some groupie.
Lina: What kind of fan OR groupie follows the BUSDRIVER around?
Sylphiel: Are you guys in some sort of trouble?
Gourry: Yeah, Rezo lost the name of the hotel we're staying at.
Sylphiel: That's okay! I've got Miss Zelas' phone number with me.
Amelia: Hooray! Miss Sylphiel, you really ARE our biggest fan!
Zelgadis: I agree!
Lina, Gourry, Zel, Amelia, Rezo, Filia, Xellos, Zangulus: Hooray for Sylphiel! Hip, hip, hooray!
Martina: This is just a joke to make me feel bad, right?
Director from behind cameras: Do you really think Zelgadis would shout "hip, hip, hooray"?
Lina: Seriously, though, Syl's been with us since the beginning... even before our Grammy.
Xellos: I think we should bribe someone to give us a ride to the hotel. Then we should bribe the owners to let us have the pool to ourselves. Then we should bribe the cooks to-
Lina: Why do you say the word bribe every time I mention that Grammy?
Xellos giggles.
Rezo: Uhhhhh well anyway, let's get to a phone so we can get a good night's rest.
Sylphiel: I have a cellphone on me.
A short phone call and bus ride later, the group is getting settled into their room, glad to finally relax.
Sylphiel: Well, everyone, I should be going.
All 'cept Martina: Thanks, Sylphiel, you're a super fan!
Martina grumbles under her breath.
Sylphiel leaves, but alas- the night isn't over yet. Xellos has a little surprise. He pulls out his keyboard.
Xellos: I've been working on a little rap for us to try...
Moans and groans come from everyone else present.
Xellos: This one's for you, Zelgadis...
(raps) The name's Zelly G
and
this is how I do it
I got a Rickenbaker
and I know how to use it...
Zelgadis: I play a Les Paul.
Xellos:
(raps) ...gettin' in my way
ain't a wise thing to do
I'm
one third golem
and a third Mazoku!
Amelia: What's a mazoku?
Xellos: (grins) Loosely translated, it means demon or monster.
Xellos dodges Filia's bass and Zel's fist.
Lina: Would you get off that Japanese kick already?! We are dubbed. DUBBED!
Xellos: You're missing the point! This could be our next number one single!
Gourry: You have to admit, it is catchy.
Zelgadis: I don't see how telling the nation about my unfortunate predicament through a silly rhyme is even REMOTELY appealing!
Zel reaches for his discman and turns his ZZ Top up full blast while Gourry scratches his head and Martina scrambles for a dictionary.
Rezo: That's my boy.
(the next morning)
Rather than practicing as Filia had suggested, the band members (along with Martina) are relaxing by the pool. Zelgadis is sitting on a chair under an umbrella, and everyone else is paddling around in the water.
Lina: (eyes closed) Marco!
Xellos: (disappears then reappears on the other side of the pool) Polo!
Gourry: (eyes closed) Marco!
Xellos: (repeats) Polo!
Amelia: (eyes closed) Marco!
Xellos: (repeats) Polo!
Filia: (eyes closed) You wouldn't think this game would have lasted so long... I wonder...
Lina: (eyes closed) Marco!
Xellos: (repeats) Polo!
Zelgadis scoffs. The game continues, Lina, Gourry, Amelia, Martina, and Filia swimming around blindly and Xellos giggling to himself.
Xellos: My, Zelgadis, but you're so good at keeping secrets!
All in pool: What?!
Zelgadis rolls his eyes but keeps quiet.
Amelia: Mister Xellos, are you cheating?
Xellos: Now, that is a secret!
Everyone mouths the words along with him.
Filia: Stupid raw garbage... (looks around for her bass)
Director from behind cameras: Cut to commercial!
Amelia: Miss Natalie, are we always going to break for commercial when Filia is trying to beat up Xellos?
Director: Less talk, more walk; Come on! We're short on time!
Lina: What do you mean, "less talk, more walk"?
Director: CUT!!
~~
The camera is on Lina, who is wearing floor-length, sleevless lavender dress with her hair in a fancy updo.
Lina: (blushing; clears throat) When I get breakouts-
She is cut off by the sounds of four people laughing hysterically in the background.
Lina: Shut up! (-or-I'll-Dragon-Slave-your-@$$-look)
The laughing is choked off.
Lina: When I get breakouts, I don't want some long-term treatment, I want it to work overnight! (points to a calander where PROM is written in big red letters) My life doesn't go on hold for pimples!
Someone busts up laughing again, and Lina grits her teeth, turning redder than before. A doorbell rings.
Lina: That's why I need the power of Clear & Clean to take care of my acne problems!
She approaches the door on the set and opens it, where Zelgadis stands, bright red and looking pissed, in a tux holding a flower.
Lina: (waves to the camera as she takes his arm and walks out) Clear & Clean- fashions acne around your life, not your life around acne!
The camera fades out, and Lina goes to beat up the giggling Gourry, Xellos, Amelia, and Filia, while Zelgadis goes to give the director his thoughts on having to do THIS commercial...
~~
(that evening)
The band members are nervously preparing to go on stage as Naga and the White Serpants finish up their set. Rezo speaks words of encouragement and helps recover lost instruments. Martina gropes each of the males in turn, much to Xellos' amusement, Gourry's embarassment, and Zelgadis' irritation.
Lina: (gulps from her water bottle) I hate first concerts I hate first concerts I hate first concerts I hate first concerts...
Amelia: (pats her on the back) Don't worry, Miss Lina, you'll do fine!
Lina: Are you crazy?! My voice is horrible at the beginning of tours! Always!
Gourry: That's silly, Lina, you'll do great.
Zelgadis: (last minute guitar tunings) Your warmups sounded normal; this should go smoothly.
Rezo: I didn't decide to manage this band for nothing.
Lina: (smiles weakly) Thanks, guys, but-
Naga: OHOHOHOHOHOHO! Lina Inverse, after an act like mine, you should be humiliated to go on!
Naga and her band have just come off stage, the former ready to trash Lina's confidence. Naga grabs a beer from the cooler and begins guzzling.
Lina: Uuuuuugh!
Xellos: (singing) Who let the dogs out?
This emits giggles or smiles from everyone, even Zel and Filia. Naga attempts to smash her beer bottle over Xellos' head, but he dodges.
Rezo: Okay, band, are we ready?
Amelia: Eeep! Help! I'm missing one of my shakers!
Everyone present, excluding Naga, goes on a mad dash to find it. After a minute, Xellos pulls it out from behind an out-of-use amplifier.
Xellos: Got it!
Amelia breaths a sigh of relief and takes it from him.
Rezo: (frowns) All that should be out on stage. I'll have to talk to the roadies about that... Anyway. Water bottles?
Lina: Check!
Rezo: Picks?
Zelgadis, Filia: Check!
Rezo: Drumsticks?
Gourry: Check!
Rezo: Okay, then, here we go!
Rezo leads Lina, Gourry, Zel, Amelia, Filia, and Xellos onstage. The audience erupts into cheers. Rezo approaches the mike and taps on it.
Rezo: Hollywood, please welcome... the Slayers!
He backs away and goes off stage. Everyone takes their places, Lina in the front.
Lina: Hello, Los Angeles! How are you all doing tonight?
The crowd cheers in response and Lina signals to Gourry.
Gourry: One, two, three!
The band goes straight into their biggest hit, the Giga Slave.
Lina: (singing) Darkness beyond blackest pitch
Deeper than the deepest
night...
The crowd goes wild, cheering and applauding and moshing. Out of all the noise, however, can be heard one negative cry...
Slayers-hater Vrumugun: (in audience) YOU SUCK!! BOO! (hurls a beer bottle) FREEZE BOTTLE!
The bottle narrowly misses Lina's head.
Vrumugun: BOO!!
Lina breaks into the chorus and the audience sings along.
Lina: (singing) Giga Slave!
Giga Slave!
Vrumugun: FREEZE BOTTLE!!
He throws another beer bottle, which hits Zelgadis in the shoulder and shatters. He either doesn't notice or pretends not to, despite worried glances from his three lady bandmates.
Vrumugun: GO BACK TO NEW JERSEY!!
Vrumugun's insults are eventually drowned out by the crowd.
(an hour and forty minutes later)
Lina: You've been a great audience! We're gonna close with our first hit, the one you guys made famous... our Grammy-winning-
Xellos: There were definitely some bribes made for those front-row seats.
Amelia: Good thing he doesn't have a mike...
Lina: DRAGON SLAVE!
(singing) Darkness beyond twilight...
The audience sings along.
(later)
After an encore (during which they had performed Ra Tilt), the band is thoroughly exhausted on their ride to the hotel.
Rezo: Congratulations, guys, your first show was a hit.
Band Members: *snore*
Rezo: Tomorrow, we'll be on the road all day...
(the next morning)
The band members, Groupie Martina, and Busdriver Zangulus are sleeping peacefully in their hotel beds, when suddenly...
Rezo: (burst in through the
door)
HEYEVERYBODYHURRYGETUPWE'RELATEWE'REGONNAMISSOURNEXT
CONCERTIFWEDON'TGETONTHEROADRIGHTTHISSECONDNOTIMEFOR
BREAKFASTQUICK!!!
Gourry, Zelgadis, Amelia, Xellos, Filia, Martina, and Zangulus are in shock from being jolted awake so suddenly, but Lina sits calmly up in bed.
Lina: What was that last thing you said?
Rezo: Quick?
Lina: No, right before that...
The rest of the room's occupants see a temper explosion coming and hustle out the door. On their way down the hall, they hear behind them...
Lina: NO TIME FOR BREAKFAST?!?!?!
Will Lina miss the most important meal of the day? Is the band really late, or is Rezo just a panicky freak? What will become of Xellos' rap idea? And... how will our brave band members survive a boring bus trip? Tune in next week for the thrills-and-chills third episode of The Slayers: World Tour to find out!