Thanks so much for your reviews! You're all so nice. ^_^
Um, I don't own McDonalds or Master Card. They belong to their respective
companies. I usually use parodies on products for the commercials, but I couldn't come up
with a parody for "Master Card" other than, like, "Card Master" or
something. So don't sue me... O.o;
I should probably warn you that I broke a big dialouge rule right after the
commercial, the rule of "Show, don't tell." Forgive me. ^^;
And one more thing: The wait for episode 4 will be a little longer, but I promise to post it eventually. ^^;
-----------------------------------
Director: Okay, here we go again....
Lina: Damnit!
Director: What?
Lina: First, you force us into acting in your stupid story. Then, once we're actually starting to get used to your torture, you abandon us to work on a different stupid story!
Director: Well, if the muse hits...
Lina: *sticks her tongue out*
Zelgadis: *whispering* Be nice, or she'll write more romance fanfiction.
Director: *grins; eyes Xellos and Filia*
Xellos, Filia: *whimper*
Lina: I wish we had a purist as our author.
Messy Minded Productions Present...
The Slayers: World Tour
Episode III
Starring
Lina Inverse, Gourry Gabriev, Zelgadis Greywers
Zelgadis: Oh, and I've been meaning to speak with you about how you spell my last name.
Director: Can it wait 'til after the credits?!?
Amelia Wil Tesla Saillune, Xellos Metallium
Xellos: My name is not Xellos Metallium, you know. It's just Xellos.
Director: TOUGH.
and Filia Ul Copt
With
Rezo the Red Priest as Rezo the Road Manager and Martina Zoana Mel Navratilova as Groupie Martina
Special Appearences By:
Zangulus as The Busdriver
Some Guy as "The McDonalds Voice"
That Man as The McDonalds Manager
Writen and Directed by Natalie Detour
Last time we saw our heroes, Rezo had informed the band that there would be no time for breakfast. Naturally, Lina panicked, and the remaining group members scrambled to escape.
After dragging their luggage and (the kicking and screaming) Lina onto the bus, Zangulus starts up and drives in the direction of their next destination.
Lina: (wailing) This SUCKS! SUUUUUUCKS! I move for a new manager!
Zelgadis: I second that motion.
Xellos: Now, now, Miss Lina, let's not lose our heads...
Lina: YOUR head is gonna be lost if you don't SHUT UP! I'm tired...
Amelia: Miss Lina?
Lina: ...I'm cranky...
Everyone plugs their ears.
Lina: AND I WANT MY BREAKFAST! NOW!!!
Rezo: Okay!
Lina sucks in another breath of air to scream, but stops.
Lina: What?
Rezo: We'll stop for breakfast. Zangulus, head for McDonalds. (shakes head) Yeesh.
A collective cheer is emitted from the passengers, save the Greywers men.
(five mintues later)
Zangulus pulls up along the curb at McDonalds and opens the bus doors.
Rezo: No, that won't be necessary. Let's just drive through.
Zangulus: Um....
Zelgadis: Rezo, don't be ridiculous. The bus is too big for that.
Rezo: ME be ridiculous? There's plenty of room.
Lina: How would you know? You're blind!
Rezo: I can tell. Now drive.
Zangulus does as he is told and pulls up to the order box. All the passengers crowd up around his window.
Staticy Voice: Welcome to McDonalds, may I take your order?
Lina: TEN EGG MCMUFFINS, TEN SAUSAGE BUISCUITS WITH EGG, AND TEN BACON, EGG AND CHEESE BUISCUITS! ALL MEALS!
Gourry: Double that!
Zelgadis: A large coffee.
Xellos: Hmmm. I'll take a Sausage Buiscuit with Egg meal. And for the ladies?
Lina: HEY! ARE YOU SAYING I'M NOT A LADY??!?!
Xellos: Miss Lina, please-
Zelgadis: Stop yelling!
Amelia: I'll take three Egg McMuffin meals with orange juice, please, Sir!
Filia: I would like a Ham, Egg, and Cheese Bagel meal with orange juice, please.
Martina: And-
Lina: BAGEL MEALS! I FORGOT THEY HAD THOSE! TEN BAGEL MEALS!
Gourry: Make that twenty!
Martina: EXCUSE ME! An Egg McMuffin meal and a Bacon, Egg and Cheese Bagel meal.
Amelia: A bagel meal for me, too!
Xellos: Well, if everyone else is...
Rezo: And I'll have two of everything everyone else has ordered.
Xellos: One more bagel meal for me, please!
Zelgadis is watching all this with great amusement.
Zangulus: And I'll have a couple Bacon, Egg and Cheese Buiscuit meals. Got all that?
(long pause)
Voice: ....no.
Everyone face-faults.
Voice: Well, I'll read off what I do have: (coughs) Twenty-four Egg McMuffin meals, three with orange juice...
Rezo: Twenty-SIX.
Voice: Okay... twenty-three Sausage Buiscuit with Egg meals... twenty-two Bacon, Egg, and Cheese Buiscuit meals...
Zangulus: That's twenty-four.
Voice: Um, twenty-four then. Now, twenty-two Ham, Egg and Cheese Bagel meals-
Rezo: Twenty-FOUR!
Xellos: Twenty-five, actually.
Voice: Twenty-five, one with orange juice...
Amelia: TWO with orange juice!
Voice: Uh, two with orange juice... one Bacon, Egg, and Cheese Bagel meal...
Amelia: Wait! I changed my mind! I want mine with bacon!
Zangulus: So take one away from the ham and add one to the bacon.
Amelia: With orange juice!
Lina: Ah, hell, just give us THIRTY Egg McMuffin meals!
Voice: Thirty Egg McMuffin meals, and one large coffee.
Rezo: FOUR large coffees.
Voice: Does that complete your order?
Martina: Wait! I-
Zangulus: Yes, thank you.
Voice: Okay, that comes to $312.52 at the first window.
Zangulus starts the bus around the corner, knocks off the "CLEARANCE: 8 FEET" sign and drives under the drive-thru. The top of the bus screeches against it, and everyone covers their ears.
Zangulus: Uh... Rezo?
Rezo: Keep driving...
Zangulus stops at the window, where the order-taker and manager are standing. The manager explains to them, in no uncertain terms, that they simply don't have the one hundred and four meals the passengers ordered. After some debate and Lina's screams, he agrees to give them what food they do have for a rough price of $200.
Zangulus screeches the bus up to the second window, where he is handed some fifty-seven bags, five orange juices, and a whole lot of coffee.
Much commotion and complaining is heard from everyone about not getting exactly what they ordered. Zelgadis, the only one satisfied, takes a long, relaxing sip of coffee.
Director: Cut to commercial!
All: FINALLY!
~~
The camera is on Zelgadis, who is wearing a tuxedo and looking pissed.
Zelgadis: Why do I have to wear a tux in TWO commericals?!
Director from behind cameras: Quiet!
Voice: Tuxedo- $300
The shot cuts to Filia, who is wearing a dress and holding her bass.
Voice: Bass- $150
It cuts to Rezo, who is holding a camera.
Voice: Disposable camera- $2
It cuts to Xellos, who is attempting to put lipstick on a very ticked-off Lina.
Voice: Designer Lipstick- $30
It cuts to show Lina, Gourry, Zel, Amelia, Xellos, and Filia (holding her bass), all dressed nicely. Rezo snaps a picture.
Voice: Getting six irate band members to pose in one photo- Priceless.
Everyone runs away after the picture is snapped.
Voice: There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's Master Card. (tm)
The camera fades to black.
~~
(later)
Lina, Amelia, Gourry, Filia, and Xellos are seated in a sort-of circle in the back of the bus. Gourry is in his underwear, and Xellos without a shirt, but the girls are fully clothed.
Lina: (is wearing most of Gourry and Xellos' clothes) Strip poker is really my game!
Filia: Well, I did win that trash's shirt. (points to Xellos)
Lina: Then aren't I lucky you refused to wear it?!
Amelia: (is wearing Gourry's shoes and socks) Miss Lina, I never knew you could play card games!
Zelgadis is watching, but he's backed off slightly since the boys started removing their clothing. Martina is up by the front of the bus, getting further accquainted with Zangulus.
Xellos: (brightens up suddenly) I have an idea.
Lina, Zelgadis, Filia, Amelia: Oh, no....
Xellos: Why don't we play the Sweetheart Game?? (pulls a box and a few notepads out from under one of the seats) I brought it with me in case we got bored. (passes out the notepads and some pencils)
Lina: (taking off the boys' clothes and returning them) The Sweetheart Game? What's that?
Xellos: Well, it's somewhat like the Newlyweds Game, only you just pick cards out of the box! You test how much you know about your sweetheart.
Everyone looks at each other nervously.
Lina: But none of us have sweethearts....
They all scoot a few inches father apart from each other.
Xellos: But we can pretend! Since there's an even number of us, we can have three teams: Zelgadis and Amelia, Gourry and Filia, and Miss Lina and myself!
All: Eh?!
Filia: Don't you mean Miss Lina and Gourry?
Xellos: (frowns) Yes, I suppose. Oh, well. I guess that leaves you with me, Miss Filia! (smiles)
Filia: (shrieks) Forget it, garbage! I'm not playing!
Xellos: (shrugs) Well then, I suppose I can just play host. Alright... now, when your sweetheart is asked a question about you, write down the answer on your notepad! First team... Amelia and Zelgadis!
Amelia looks pleased and Zelgadis looks irritated.
Xellos: (reads off card) Zelgadis, what is your sweetheart's favorite intangible thing?
Zelgadis blushes at "sweetheart" as Amelia scribbles down her answer.
Zelgadis: (hoping she didn't write "Loving Mister Zelgadis") Uh... justice?
Amelia: YES!!! (shows her answer, which, indeed, says JUSTICE)
Xellos: Filia, please play score keeper and give Amelia and Zelgadis one point.
Filia rolls her eyes but makes a tally mark on the bus wall with a nearby marker.
Xellos: Moving on... Gourry, what is your sweetheart's favorite thing to do in her free time?
Gourry sweatdrops. Lina scribbles.
Gourry: Beat me up?
Lina: YOU IDIOT!
She smacks him over the head with her notebook.
Xellos: Oh, my, Miss Lina, what was your answer?
Lina shows that she wrote EAT.
Xellos: Oh, dear, Lina and Gourry, I'm sorry, but you don't get a point. Moving on! Zelgadis, please close your eyes.
He does so, looking nervous.
Xellos: Miss Amelia, what color are-
Amelia: BLUE!
Zelgadis opens his eyes.
Xellos: Righty-o! A point, please, Filia!
Amelia beams.
Xellos: Now, Lina, please close your eyes.
Gourry: Green!
Xellos: Pardon?
Gourry: I'm supposed to say her eye color, right?
Lina: (eyes closed) My eyes are RED, you moron! (smacks him)
Xellos: I'm sorry, Gourry, but that was not the question. Lina, with your eyes remaining closed, please describe Gourry's outfit.
Two minutes pass in silence.
Lina: A-
Xellos: I'm sorry, but your time is up! Next team! Zelgadis, name an instrument Miss Amelia plays.
Lina: No fair! Too easy!
Zelgadis: Tamborines.
Amelia: YES! (shows how she has written PERCUSSION INSTRUMENTS)
Xellos: Excellent! A point, please, Filia! Now, Gourry... name an instrument Lina plays!
Gourry fumbles and stutters, Lina looking more and more ticked off by the second.
Gourry: Oh! The trumpet!
Everyone face-faults except for Lina, who pounds the snot out of Gourry.
Lina: I'M THE LEAD SINGER, DOOFUS, I DON'T PLAY ANYTHING!!
Xellos: I'm sorry, Gourry, but that is incorrect. Onward! Miss Amelia, what instrument-
Amelia: The guitar!! A Les Paul Deluxe Sunburst 1969, checked finish!
Zel's eyes get really big.
Zelgadis: Er, yeah. (has started writing GUIT on his paper)
Xellos: Correct! A point for the young couple, please, Filia!
Zelgadis blushes.
Xellos: Now... Lina, what instrument does Gourry play?
Lina: Drums! Ha!
Gourry: Yep! (shows DRUMS in his notebook)
Xellos: Excellent work, Sweethearts! Miss Filia, what is the score?
Filia: Four to one.
Xellos: Next question, then. Zelgadis, what color is your sweetheart's toothbrush?
Amelia scribbles down her answer.
Zelgadis: (blushing) Uh.... I don't... er...
Amelia: Guess!
Zelgadis: (shrugs) Pink.
Amelia: YES!!! (shows PINK in her notebook)
Xellos: Congratulations on your new point! Back to Miss Lina and Gourry. Gourry, what is your sweetheart's least favorite band?
Lina writes her answer while Gourry nervously scratches his head.
Gourry: (gulp) The... Spice Sailor Girls?
Lina: CLOSE ENOUGH!!! (has written SAILOR SPICE GIRLS)
Xellos: While I would normally say, "Congrats! Another Point!", I'm afraid I can't let that one count. Now...
Lina, who was ready to glomp Gourry with pride, stops.
Lina: Huh?!?!
Xellos clears his throat, and Lina beats him up.
Xellos: (rubbing his head) Now, Amelia, what is your sweetheart's favorite fast foo-
Amelia: COFFEE FROM MCDONALDS!!
Zelgadis: Mmm-hmm.
Xellos: Wonderful! Filia, a point please. Now, Lina... who is Gourry's hero?
Lina: Wha...?
Gourry scratches his head before writing something.
Lina: He, uh... doesn't have one?
Gourry: Um, no, I actually put... (shows ZELGADESS)
Everyone face-faults... again.
Gourry: I didn't know who else to put!
Lina: Then why didn't you put "none", you idiot?!
Gourry shrugs, emitting a pounding from Lina.
Xellos: I'm terribly sorry! Now... Zelgadis, where is Amelia's favorite tour destination?
Zelgadis: Why is that a question in a card game?
Xellos: (whispering) Just play along.
Zelgadis: I'll have to guess... uh, um...
Half a minute passes.
Zelgadis: ...Paris?
Amelia: ALRIGHT!!! YEAH!! (has written PARIS... HOW ROMANTIC!)
Xellos: Fan-tas-tic! Moving on... Gourry, what is Lina's favorite show on TV?
Gourry sweatdrops.
Gourry: Um... er... let's see... (pause) Oh! Friends!
*SMACK*
Lina: That's YOUR favorite show, you idiot!
Amelia: (looks worried) Miss Lina, you're being awfully violent today.
Xellos: Thank you, Lina and Gourry! Moving on. Amelia, if Zelgadis could change one thing about himself, what would it be?
The entire bus roars with laughter, except for Zelgadis, Amelia, and Xellos.
Zelgadis: What was wrong with card games, anyway?
Amelia: (fights a giggle) That would be his chimeric curse... he'd be human again.
Xellos: I don't even have to ask if that is CORRECT! Now, Miss Filia, what is the score?
Filia: Eight to one, Zel-Amelia.
Zelgadis: Can we stop now?
Lina: No, I have to win! Let's keep going!
Amelia: Yes, Mister Zelgadis, let's! Don't you see that we make the perfect couple?
Zelgadis: Uh....?
Amelia: (looks dreamy) Oh, Mister Zelgadis, we're sweetheart champions! Don't you think so?
Zelgadis: ...no.
Amelia: What?
Zelgadis: No.
Amelia: But-
Zelgadis: Amelia, look. We are not a couple. We will never be a couple. I don't like you in that way.
Lina: Geez, Zel, no need to be harsh.
Amelia: (looks crushed) But Mister Zelgadis... the game...
Zelgadis: It's just a game, Amelia. It doesn't mean anything.
Amelia: (quietly) Nothing? (pause) It meant something to me... (looks ready to cry)
Lina: Yeesh. Good going, Genius. (glares at Zel)
Zelgadis sighs.
Amelia: (now looks mad) Mister Zelgadis, you're so mean! I-
Zelgadis: Then why do you like me?
Amelia: (yelling) Let me finish! Ever since we met, I've-
Zelgadis: Amelia! Listen to me! I DON'T LIKE YOU. I've never liked you and I won't start from a SILLY GAME! How many times do I have to explain this?!
Amelia turns red from anger. Zelgadis turns away from her and she clenches her fists, looking ready to explode.
Amelia: I... Zelgadis is a closet Hanson fan!
Several people gasp, Zelgadis included.
Amelia: It's true! He owns all their cds, and at night when he thinks he's alone in the hotel room, he plays them! And sings along! I've heard it!
Zelgadis spins around to face Amelia, his eyes wide.
Zelgadis: It... it's...
He attempts to deny it, but his BRIGHT red face tells the truth. Several seconds pass by in silence, no one daring to speak.
Xellos: (sings quietly) Mmmmbop...
Everyone except Zelgadis and Amelia bursts into uncontrollable laughter. She continues fuming and he continues staring open-mouthed.
Rezo: We're here!
The bus rolls to a stop.
What will become of this revelation? Will Zelgadis ever live it down? Will Amelia ever forgive him? Is their next concert going to suffer? Tune in next week for The Slayers: World Tour- Episode IV to find out!