Warning: This episode contains an Urban Legend and shamless spoofing of Copy Rezo. Enjoy. ^_^ Sorry for any typos; I didn't have a proofreader (other than myself) or spellchecker... but I think I got most of them. Countless thanks for all of your inspiring reviews!
Director: Hey, Cast, it's that time again!!
Everyone else: Oh, no....
Director: That's right! Time for another fun-filled episode of World Tour.
Everyone else: Oh, no....
Director: Today's script is particularly crazy....
Everyone else: Oh, no....
Director: ...and involves you all making fools of yourselves!
Everyone else: Oh, no....
Director: Hey, shut up. Anyway, to reward you, you get to come with me on vacation next week to a hot, sandy beach in the tropics!
Everyone else: Yay!
Director: And then, when we get back, said vacation will be inspiration for yet another episode of World Tour!
Everyone else: Oh, no....
Messy Minded Productions Presents...
The Slayers: World Tour
Episode IV
Starring
Lina Inverse, Gourry Gabriev, Amelia Wil Tesla Saillune, Zelgadis Greywers, Xellos Metallium, and Filia ul Copt
With
Rezo the Red Priest as Rezo the Road Manager
Special Appearances By:
Copy Rezo as Copy Greywers
"That Little Twerp Kid"
Written and Directed by Natalie Detour
Last time we saw our traveling heroes, Zelgadis had been insulting Amelia when she
dropped the bomb:
[FLASHBACK]
Amelia: I.... Zelgadis is a closet Hanson fan!
[/FLASHBACK]
Shortly thereafter, the bus had stopped in front of the hotel. Who knows what will
happen?...
The band members, still shocked from previous events, gather up their belongings (Lina grabs Xellos' Sweetheart Game and throws it out a window).
Rezo: Remember, kids, we're on stage in two hours! So it's throw your stuff down and go, agreed?
Everyone mumbles replies. The six band members, walking a careful distance from one another, make their way up to the hotel room and are followed by their manager. Martina and Zangulus, giggling, head another way to their own room.
The Slayers reach the door. Rezo unlocks it and swings it open to reveal...
Amelia: Ugh! Yuck!
Lina: (covers her nose) What is that smell?!
Everyone's face distorts.
Gourry: It reminds me of Xellos' cooking.
Filia: Oh, it's worse than that!
Rezo: There must be something wrong. I'll go talk to the front desk. You guys get settled in.
Lina: In there? Are you crazy?
Rezo: I'm sorry, but we don't have any time to lose.
Rezo hurries off, leaving everyone else looking back and forth from the room to each other.
Amelia: We don't really have to go in there, do we?
Gourry: Why don't we just throw our luggage in and leave?
Filia: But then our stuff would stink!
Lina: Well, we're changing rooms, anyway. I'd rather sleep in the hall than in there!
Xellos: I quite agree, Miss Lina.
Zelgadis: This is nonesense.
Everyone looks at him, surprised that he is talking again.
Amelia: (glares) Nonesense, as in the lyrics to Hanson songs?
Zelgadis blushes bright pink and Lina, Gourry, and Filia stifle laughs.
Xellos: (smiling) Now, now, Miss Amelia, you of all people should know that everyone's musical tastes differ.
Amelia doesn't reply, still glaring at Zel. Everyone is quiet, pondering what to do. At last, Gourry shrugs and tosses his suitcase in.
Gourry: We have to put our things somewhere during the concert.
Lina sighs reluctantly and throws her bags in the room. She is followed one by one by Xellos, Zelgadis, Filia, and Amelia.
Filia: Now, shut the door quick, Miss Lina!
Lina does so, and everyone breathes sighs of relief.
Lina: Let's go find Rezo.
She sets off, followed by her bandmates. They meet up with Rezo halfway to the front desk.
Rezo: They'll deal with the room as soon as possible. Right now, though, we have to head to the ampitheatre.
(later)
The Slayers have just performed a very successful concert and are backstage, cooling off. The thrill of performing has taken all their minds off of the stinky hotel room. Rezo stands to face them all.
Rezo: Well, kids, I'd just like to say that your performance was fantastic. Since we're hopping on a plane tomorrow, we'd better be heading back to the hotel for some rest.
At the mention of it, the band members remember the awful room.
Lina: Did the hotel people fix the terrible smell?
Rezo: They said they would. Don't worry about it.
No one says anything else on the subject.
(15 minutes later)
Lina, Gourry, Zel, Amelia, Xellos, Filia, and Rezo are once again gathered in the hall outside their room. Everyone slowly backs away, save Rezo, who turns the knob. The door flies open.
Lina, Amelia, Filia, Gourry: Ewww!
Rezo: Well, that answers your question, Lina!
Amelia: It still smells gross!
Xellos: And... Oh, dear... that doesn't seem to be the only problem. (points inside the room)
Everyone gasps. Their suitcases have been opened and their belongings strewn across the floor.
Zelgadis: Someone's been in here.
Lina: And they didn't even bother to spray air freshener! (kicks the wall)
Filia: Maybe they were crazed fans!
Rezo: I'll leave you guys to sort things out. 'Night! (walks away)
Lina: Hey, wait! You can't just leave us like this!
But the road manager has already disappeared around the corner.
Zelgadis: But if they were crazed fans, how did they get in?
Lina: This is just great.
Zel sighs and enters the room. Xellos, Lina, and Gourry follow him in. After a few seconds, Filia and Amelia join them.
Lina: (covering her nose) I guess we should check to see if anything's missing.
Everyone holds their breath while they gather their belongings together. After about two minutes, Gourry announces:
Gourry: Hey, where are my boxers? The ones with the soccer balls on them?
Zelgadis: Definately crazed fans.
Gourry: (looks crushed) Those ones are my favorites.
Amelia: (past him on the shoulder) Don't worry, Mister Gourry, they'll turn up! And we can always buy-
Filia: (screeches) Half my tea set is gone! The good half! Has anyone seen it?!
Xellos: Oh dear, Miss Lina, I seem to have misplaced that notebook of keyboard music I was putting to your lyrics...
Lina: What?! Oh, that's playing dirty, stealing our music notes!
Zelgadis: And I can't find the lyrics you gave me to proofread, Lina.
Lina: Aaarrrghhh!
Amelia: All of my books are gone! And... my TOOTHBRUSH!
Gourry: You can borrow mine.
Amelia: (turns blue) Er, thanks, but I think I'll manage, Mister Gourry.
Lina: Oh, my cellphone is gone!! Why, I oughtta...
Xellos: Hmmm... anyone seen a purple towel lying around?
Amelia: Where is my address book?! Oh, no, I've got all our email addresses and phone numbers in there!
Gourry: Where's my shampoo?
Filia: I can't find my extra bass strings!
Lina: This is... ugh! Where are my sour cream and onion potato chips?
Gourry: Actually, I took those.
He holds up a rumpled, half-empty bag of chips.
Lina: Uh... keep 'em.
Zelgadis: And I've lost-
Amelia: Your Hanson cds?
Lina: Amelia, it's getting old. Let it go.
Zelgadis: Actually, yes, my Hanson cds ARE gone.
Lina coughs. Rezo suddenly barges in through the door. He is followed by... Rezo.
Rezo (the first one): Hey, everyone, look who I bumped into! My twin brother, Copy!
Copy: Hello.
Rezo: He's identical to me, except he can see!
Lina: (muttering) Judging from his fashion sense, I'd have to disagree.
Copy has open, mismatched eyes and is wearing something that looks suspiciously like a dress.
Rezo: We haven't seen one another for years!
Zelgadis: Wonderful. Now I have a great-uncle-slash-great-great-uncle to go with my grandfather-slash-great-grandfather. Just what I always wanted.
Gourry: Woah, you lost me there, Zel.
Lina: Well, Rezo, that's great for you and all, but we've got a big problem here.
Amelia: Someone broke in here and took a bunch of our stuff!
Filia: Important stuff!
Rezo: Great, we'll sue the hotel when we get back home. But right now, I have some catching up to do with Copy.
Copy: Wait a minute, Rezo. I have something to say.
Copy clears his throat and stands to face everyone else.
Copy: My twin brother, Rezo, was born one minute before me. Despite the fact that I was born with sight, and he without, he was destined to become a better man than I. First, our parents gave him all the attention. Even though we got the same amount of presents at Christmas, his were always better!
Everyone is beginning to sweatdrop.
Rezo: At least you could see your presents. Now let's go.
Copy: (ignoring him) Even as we grew up, he remained more successful. We both went into the field of managing bands...
Lina: Field?
Copy: ...but while I jumped around from one-hit-wonder to one-hit-wonder, HE became the steady manager of the second most successful band in America: The Slayers!
Lina: Second?!
Copy: And so, to prove that I am better than the origin- er, that is, better than my brother... I command you, Lina Inverse, to choose me as your new manager!
Everyone else: .....
Lina: Um, look, I'm really sorry about your childhood angst and all that, but we have a REAL problem on our hands. So could you guys leave already?!
Copy: (shrugs) Whatever. Hey, Rez, know any good bars around here?
Rezo: (grins) Do I!
Rezo exits the room, followed by Copy. Just before Copy disappears through the doorway, he turns his head back around and makes a face.
Copy: Geez, it smells really bad in here.
He turns back around and leaves.
Director: Cut to commercial!
~~
The camera is on Filia, who is dressed in a business suit with her hair done up tightly. She holds up a bottle of Herb Essences shampoo.
Filia: When I want a totally organic experience, I open up a bottle of Herb Essences! (opens the bottle and takes a wiff, then closes her eyes) (singing) I've got the urge!
Gourry, Zelgadis, Xellos: (enter, singing) She's got the urge to Herbs...
Filia sits down in a chair as the guys start taking down her hair. She opens her eyes and notices...
Filia: AHH!!! GARBAGE!!! Get away! Don't touch my hair!
Xellos looks offended and storms off.
Director from behind cameras: Stay with the SCRIPT!
Gourry, Zelgadis: She's got the urge...
They wash her hair with the shampoo, Zel looking even angrier than he did in his last two commercials. Gourry and Filia are blushing but attempting to stay in character.
The camera cuts to Filia, who is once again in her business suit. Her hair is now wet and mangled with stray shampoo bubbles still in it.
Filia: Pick up a bottle of Herb Essences today!
~~
(five minutes later)
Amelia: You know, I figured that after we were in here for a little while, that smell would fade... but it hasn't!
Lina: You're right. I'm not used to it at all.
Gourry: Me neither.
Filia: It smells sort of... hmmm... I can't quite put my finger on it.
Lina: It smells like dead animal.
Xellos: Or... dead human.
Everyone stares at him.
Xellos: Haven't any of you heard those stories about the funny-smelling hotel rooms?
Lina: I don't think "funny-smelling" can quite describe what's going on in here, pal!
Amelia: I haven't, Mister Xellos! Tell us!
Zelgadis: I smell an Urban Legend coming on.
Gourry: I just smell dead fish.
Lina: Look, Xellos, maybe it's not a great idea to be telling Amelia scary stories...
Amelia: Miss Lina, I can handle it. Go on, Mister Xellos, tell!
Xellos: (shrugs) Well, there have been several reported cases of this, with complete names and locations, so it's very likely to be true. Take the incident that happened to Luke and Marie Jonstone in Honolulu, Hawaii...
"Luke and Marie had just been married in their home state of New York, and were looking forward to a relaxing honeymoon in a tropical paradise. After getting the key to their hotel room, however, their spirits were dampened when they opened the door. A foul smell came from the bed, so strong and awful that they couldn't bear it. The not-so-happy couple rushed to the front desk to complain, upset that their lovely day might be stained were the room not taken care of.
"The manager assured the Jonstones that he would see to the odor immedietly, and even offered them a free gift certificate to the fanciest restaurant in town. 'Have a wonderful evening,' he told them. 'The room will be good as new when you return.'
"And so they did so... after a few hours of fine dining, the lovebirds returned to their suite. Whey they opened the door, they were pleased to find that the room smelled like fresh flowers. As the night wore on, however, the terrible stench faded back... Luke and Marie didn't even notice, as they were sound asleep.
"The next morning, after the two had checked out, a maid came to change the sheets. She lifted up the mattress to find the bed hollowed out, and inside of it was....
"A three-day old body."
There is a pause after he finishes. Everyone stares at each other, then at the beds.
Xellos: (looks happy) So, who wants to check?
Filia: Ch-ch-check what?
Xellos: To see if there's a dead body in the bed!
Nobody moves for a minute.
Zelgadis: Just to end this nonesense, I'll do it. I'll prove it's just a story.
Zel walks to the closest bed and lifts up the mattress.
Zelgadis: See? Nothing.
He sits back down on the floor.
Gourry: But Zel, you didn't check the other bed. (points to it)
Lina: Yeah, and that side of the room smells worse, too.
Zelgadis looks hesitant, but stands and heads over to it.
Zelgadis: I can't believe how ridiculous you're all being about this. (lifts up the mattress) Nothing again.
He sits down again.
Amelia: Hey, Mister Xellos, do you know any other scary stories like that?
Xellos: Why, yes, I do!
Everyone, who had previously been sitting on the floor amidst the mess, gathers around him. Xellos spends the next hour telling Urband Legends, including, "Bar and Grill", "Drip, Drip, Drip", and that one about the guy who hides in the back seats of cars. Amelia looks more and more tense with each story, until...
Xellos: And written on the mirror, in her roommate's blood, were the words, "Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the light?"
Amelia goes pale.
Amelia: Whe.... AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Lina: (plugs her ears) Nice going, Xellos.
Everyone except Xellos is clearly very freaked out, but trying to hide it. Xellos looks pleased with himself.
Zelgadis: Okay, so we've managed to terrify Amelia, but we haven't exactly solved our problem.
Lina: In a situation like this, there's only one thing we can do.
Xellos: Rent a keg and get drunk?
Lina: ...well, actually, I was going to say "Beat up the hotel manager," but I like that better. Where's the phone book?
(two hours later)
Everyone is drunk off their butts (Xellos probably isn't, but he's acting like it anyway). The Urban Legends are long forgotton, but storytelling continues...
Amelia: (to Filia, slurring) ...and the cowwen... the cow went, "BARK!!"
Filia falls off of her chair, laughing.
Lina: (slurring) Mmmm'gay... igotta puke... who wansta 'old my hair back?
Gourry, Zelgadis, Xellos: (bumping into things) Me!
They trip over each other and end up in a pile on the floor.
Lina: Ferget it! I'll get ME ta do it! (stumbles into the bathroom)
Filia: (slurring) Xe... Xelloz! (stumbles over to him) The Lina... Miz Lina told me ta tell me that you're... (shuts her eyes and waves her arm around) a toad!
Xellos: (slurring) The warty kind?
Filia: No. Yes! No. No.
Xellos: Well, you can tell this LINA that I, fersonally, called you a toad, too!
Gourry: (too Zelgadis, also slurring) Can 'oo take me home? I can't drink when I've drived this much.
Zelgadis: (also slurring) No, I won't take you 'ome, Dummy! We live here!
Amelia: Mister Zelgadis, friendz don let friendz drive drunk!
Zelgadis: (looks outraged) What did you just call me?!
Lina comes out of the bathroom.
Lina: Who wansta go with me to tha gas station?
Amelia: I do!
Filia, who has been pulling Xellos' hair and making him yelp, passes out.
Amelia: (gasps) Mister Filia!
Xellos lays Filia on her back and crosses her arms over her chest, much the way someone does to a dead person in a coffin.
Xellos: She'll be fine.
Lina: She'll better be, or I'll... (shakes her fist at Xellos)
Gourry and Zelgadis, still arguing about why "Drive Drunking" is dangerous, pass out on each other, snoring.
Amelia: C'mon, Miz Lina... (starts to tug on Lina's sleeve) No, nevermind, I'm too hungry.
Amelia stumbles over to the bed and flops onto it, eyes closed.
Lina: Well... g'night, Pillows. (waves to Xellos)
Xellos: Miss Lina, my name is Xellos.
Lina: Yeah, I know. I zaid that, right?
Xellos giggles and Lina climbs into the empty bed. He gets up and shuts out the lights.
(the next morning)
The Slayers awaken to birds chirping, sun shining... and headaches throbbing.
Lina: Ooooh... I think I'm gonna be sick...
Zelgadis: (rubbing his temples) From what I can recall, you already were last night.
Filia: Having a party didn't help at all! We've just woken up to feel terrible. And the awful smell is still here! And it's making it worse! (turns green)
Rezo: (has just entered the room) Good morning, everybody! Sleep well?
Everyone glares at him.
Rezo: I had a fine time with Copy. We talked and played pool until two in the morning! But I trust you all went to bed at a reasonable hour?
Lina: That depends on how you look at it.
Rezo: Well, you can laze around for a few more hours, but we have to be at the airport by four or five.
Amelia: Where are we going?
Rezo: Didn't I tell you? Hawaii.
Everyone perks up (a little) at the mention of this.
Lina: Really? Hawaii? Oh boy!
Gourry: That will be a nice vacation.
Filia: Ooooh, I can't wait!
Rezo: So, is there anything I can get you for breakfast?
Lina: Asprin!
Gourry: Tylenol!
Filia: Pepto Bismal!
Zelgadis: Ibproufen!
Amelia: Advil!
Xellos: Metabolife!
Everyone stares at him.
Xellos: What?
Lina: That's a diet pill.
Xellos: And?
Lina: Er... never mind.
Rezo: Well, I'll be back shortly. (turns to leave, then sniffs the air, frowning) Is it just me, or does it smell funny in here?
He walks out the door, not noticing the thrown, empty beer cups narrowly missing the back of his head.
(an hour later)
Everyone's pain killers are starting to kick in, putting them all in slightly happier moods. Gourry starts to head into the bathroom, but stops. He looks around, then goes back into the bedroom.
Gourry: Hey, uh... does anyone remember us not having a toilet?
Lina: Huh?
Gourry: Well... come see.
Everyone gets up and crowds around the bathroom door.
Lina: Woah. No toilet.
Amelia: Where did it go?
Lina: I know it was there last night...
Xellos: It was there when I brushed my teeth this morning.
Zelgadis: It was there when I took a shower.
Lina: What the HECK is going on here?! First our stuff disappears, and now our TOILET? How do you steal a toilet, anyway?!
She storms over to the bed and sits down.
Lina: And... WHERE IS THAT SMELL COMING FROM?!
She leaps off the bed, bends down, and looks underneath it.
Lina: I swear, if I... oh.
Filia: What is it, Miss Lina?
Lina stands up, her face a color that none of her friends knew existed. She claps a hand over her mouth and rushes into the bathroom, only to remember that there is no toilet. She then dashes out onto the balcony, managing to slam the sliding glass door behind her.
Zelgadis: What the...?
He, Gourry, Amelia, Xellos, and Filia head for the bed and bend down, looking under it.
Amelia: Gross!
Filia: Ew!
Xellos: Oh, dear...
Gourry: Yuck!
Zelgadis: Well, Gourry, I guess you were right. It DID smell like dead fish.
The reason being is a large plate holding a rotting, half-eaten fish and a pile of pasta. Everyone stands up, fanning their faces.
Amelia: I wonder if Miss Lina's alright.
They turn to look out at the balcony, and are surprised to see her holding a teenaged boy by the collar of his shirt, yelling at him. They rush out to join her.
Zelgadis: What's going on here?
Lina: This little twerp and his bratty sister have been stealing our stuff! Apparently the door from the balcony wasn't locked. They're staying in the room below us, and they've been climbing up and down! He was just trying to come up with a way to get our toilet down to the next balcony!
Filia: Wait, wait... you actually stole our toilet?
Boy: (looks terrified) Yeah... last night when you were asleep, I drained it and loosened the fixtures. When you were getting pills from your manager this morning, I went and got it and drug it out here.
Amelia: But I don't get it... why did you want to steal our toilet?
Boy: ....so I could sell it on eBay.
Everyone face-faults.
How will our brave heroes continue surviving crazed fans? How will they survive on a
plane for countless hours? And more importantly, how will Hawaii survive the Slayers?!
Tune in next week for the fun-in-the-sun fifth episode of The Slayers: World Tour to
find out!
-------------------------------------
SPECIAL: Preview of Coming Events!
~
Episode V- Look out, Hawaii! Here come the Slayers! Don't fall out of the parasail!
"Hey, where's Zelgadis?"
"Whoops. I guess we overdid it a little."
-Gourry and Lina, on burying a close friend in the sand
~
Episode VI- The interview with Rolling Stone! They'll make the cover! Or maybe that picture in the table of contents!
"Those stupid Sailor Spice Girls. There's no real talent there. All they do is dress up in dinky little costumes and prance around with their stupid pop music!"
"But Miss Lina, don't you remember that time we auditioned for-"
"Quiet!"
-Lina and Amelia, at the interview
~