Author note: I'm glad people liked my idea. Very glad. Don't worry. I'm up to my old "everyone but Kefka" bashing ways in this chapter. I mean no disrespect!
On a slightly different note: To those of you who liked Setzeroth and demanded a sequel, I'm working on it. Just to let you know.
FF characters not mine. You can guess who I mean by Yahee and VOL. Quake and Sim City are owned by other people. Not me. Don't sue me, darnit! I'm a student! I'm poor enough as it is!
Cookies to those who review. Non-treatable virus' to those who don't.
Enjoy!
It took Locke and Gogo longer to get to HQ than they thought. Well, the streets of Narshe were tempting for a closet alcoholic, and Locke just HAD to stop in every pub he saw. By the end of the night, Gogo was walking three feet ahead of his companion, shaking his head and wondering if he could get a transfer to be someone else's sidekick. He'd even think about going over to the "other side" (To the bad guys) The supreme leader of the Empire of Evil couldn't be as bad as Locke.
Right?
Back in the EoE, Hamka was exercising. That meant she was chasing Leo around the ultra-secret base. Everyone knew that Leo was deadly allergic to hamster fur. If he stopped, then she would pounce on him and give him the worst allergic reaction of his life.
'Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiir!' Leo was screaming as he sprinted into the throne room. Kefka waved a hand lazily at him.
'You know not to disturb me when I'm playing, pinhead,' he murmured. He was playing his second favourite game - Sim City. He just loved to build up fantastic cities for his little Sims. And then...
The pointer hovered over the "disasters" button. What to choose, what to choose? Tidal wave? Hurricaine? The King Koopa lookalike monster? Or his own special patch - The ever-trustworthy Light of Judgement. Well, the decision almost made itself.
'FRRRRRRRY, FOOLISH, TRUSTING SIMS!! UWHAA HAA HAA!!' Kefka yelled as half his city was melted into a pile of white powder. Leo laughed nervously. Hamka had backed him into a corner.
'Terra! Help meee!!' Leo yelled. Terra continued to stare blankly into space. She was thinking about what kind of shampoo she was going to buy next week. Such things were very important to a half-human, half-esper who supopsedly had no conscious thought of her own.
'Siir... What am I going to do? I'm very allergic to pet-hair and if little Hamka...' Both Kefka and Hamka shot him a glare. Leo rethought his sentence.
'... Whom I revere and admire so much, jumps on me, then I think I'll die,' Kefka waved a hand again, slightly annoyed that part of his city had survived the frenzied attack.
'So?' Leo facefaulted.
'But, sir...' Kefka rolled his eyes and readied to have a nuclear meltdown over the rest of his city.
'Fight back. Eesh. You want me to fight all your battles for you?' Leo laughed nervously again.
'It's kind of the other way around, sir. I fight all YOUR battles...' Kefka frowned thoughtfully.
'Oh yeah...' He shrugged. 'Well, whatever,' He leaned back and ignored the fight that ensued between his hamster and his second-in-command, instead deciding to start an internet game of Quake.
'"M" eh?' he mused, eyeing his opponent. 'Lets get it on!'
Eventually, Gogo and Locke stumbled into HQ.
'Sheesh. Can't you have ONE day off without drinking every drop of alcohol in Narshe, Cole?' a shrill voice yelled, making Locke wince slightly.
'Please don't do that, Miss Paintypenny...'
M's secretary, painter extraordinaire and the owner of the largest pair of lungs this side of the mountains.
Default name: Miss Relm Paintypenny
'Why? Headache?!' Relm trilled. Locke put a hand to his head and groaned.
'Look. We have to talk to M. Can we talk to M, Miss Paintypenny?' Relm consulted the small diary in front of her.
'Well he's busy right now, and he is booked up for another month... I can squeeze you in sometime in August?' Locke frowned, and thwapped the young girl upside the head.
'Just let me in, you infernal brat,' Relm backed off.
'Fine, fine. Just don't blame me when he goes thermal on you...' Locke did not hear - he was already opening the door to M's office. Gogo, however, was paying attention and decided to stay outside.
Wise choice.
'M! I think the EoE is up to something terrible,' Locke said, rather dramatically as he burst into the small office. He didn't get very far before he was grabbed from behind and held upside down.
'....' (Translation: Halt, vile intruder!)
M's bodyguard and wannabe sculptor. Silent, deadly and very, very hairy.
Default name: Umaro
'PUT ME DOWN YOU HAIRY BEAST!' Locke screamed. International man of intrigue he may be, but he did not like being held upside down by an eight foot tall creature.
'Grawrgh!' (Translation: What should I do with him, Mr M?) Umaro said, shooting a questioning glance towards the overly large desk at the centre of the room.
'Throw him out, kupo! I'm in the middle of a very important Quake match right now, kupo! Try to beat ME will you "Supreme Leader"?!?! KUPOPO!!'
The head of Narshe's secret agent division; fast-talking, slam-dancing, Quake playing moogle with a slightly psychotic streak.
Default name: Mog (or M for short)
'But, sir!' Locke said. Mog waved a hand.
'Unless it's about the EoE, kupo, I don't want to hear it, kupo,' Umaro and Locke exchanged glances.
'I think the EoE is up to something terrible,' Locke repeated, slower and calmer this time. Mog's eyes shot up from the computer screen.
'What?! Why didn't you say this before, kupo!? This is terrible, kupo!' The small moogle leapt up from his seat and stood on the desk; brandishing a rather pointy spear. His eyes slitted at Umaro.
'What are you doing, Yetikupo? Put him down, kupo!' Umaro shrugged and dropped Locke onto the floor. The agent took a moment to shake the stars from his vision and stood up shakily.
'I just caught Shadow and two flunkies trying to steal Narshe's esper,' Locke said. Mog's jaw dropped.
'I hope you stopped them, kupo! That esper is very important, kupo!' Locke started to look at the floor.
'Well, we did try to stop them... But there were tonnes of them! Hundreds!' He took up a fighting position and growled. 'I took out one, and then another, but then they were all over me! Gogo was hiding, and I knew I had to save him,' Mog rolled his eyes.
'... Rgagh...' Umaro said. (Translation: He was drunk and let them go again, didn't he?) Mog nodded.
'You bet, kupo,' They both shrugged. Locke was still ranting about how he tried valiantly to fight off all the EoE minions, and was currently demonstrating his death grip on Mog's potted plant.
'Alright, kupo,' Mog said. 'We get the point, kupo. You let them get away, didn't you, kupo?' Locke didn't even look up.
'... And he tried to pull my throat out of me! My throat! So I grabbed him, and I said "Look here, you minion of evil! No-one takes Locke Cole's throat away from him unless they are a particularly beautiful lady," But he wouldn't listen, so I had to use my Karate-CHOP on him...' He demonstrated his karate chop on the closest plant. Mog's eye twitched slightly as he saw his favourite ferns getting chopped into pieces.
'You better stop now, kupo,' he said calmly. Locke ignored him; he was too far into his reverie.
'... And I grabbed him like THIS, and he started to cry! "Well, tough tootles!" I said to him. "You tried to take MY throat away from me!" So he cried like a baby! I mean, here was a fully grown man, crying like a little...'
'....!' Umaro said. (Translation: I would stop now if I were you. The boss is getting that glint in his eye again...) Locke continued to bash Mog's plant.
'AIIIIIIIIIE-YA!! KUPOPO!!!!'
Gogo looked up and winced slightly. Relm chuckled.
'I told him not to go in there...'
'Now that you've stopped ranting, kupo,' Mog said calmly, dusting his fur off. Locke nodded meekly, trying to realign his spine. 'Maybe we can get on with giving you a new mission, kupo,' Locke smiled slightly.
'Yes, sir,'
Meanwhile, in a cave just south of Narshe, Vicks and Wedge were playing snap. Shadow was sat about five feet away; his head in his hands, trying desperately not to listen to them. He was trying to get through to the supreme leader on his nifty EoE laptop (standard issue to non-idiotic minions) but his line was connected.
'I bet he's playing Quake again...' Shadow muttered.
'SNAP!' Wedge yelled. Vicks frowned.
'Since when was a two and a seven the same?' Wedge slapped his forehead with one hand.
'Sorry. I thought we were playing same suit snap,' Vicks tilted his head to one side.
'Since when was a heart and a spade the same suit?'
'Same colour?'
'Since when was black and red the same colour?'
'SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!!' Shadow yelled, resisting the urge to throttle both of them. VOL (Vector OnLine) was driving him absolutely nuts, and his state of mind was not helped by those bickering idiots.
'Just shush. Watch the esper or something,' Vicks and Wedge saluted eagerly.
'Yes, sir!' He didn't hear a peep out of them for the next two hours, as they sat and watched the esper intently.
Shadow let out a sigh of relief and waited for the supreme leader to answer his "DRING" message.
'Stupid YaHee...' he muttered, typing a message again as the messenger crashed on him for the fourth time in twenty minutes.
It took three restarts, two redownloads of messenger and at least seven curses the likes of which I shall not repeat here. (This is a family fic, after all) But finally, an hour later, the supreme leader answered with an irritated;
::What the heck do you want? I thought you'd be dead by now!::
'Charming...' Shadow said, typing.
::We got the package for you, sir:: The supreme leader typed a little confused smily. ( :-/ for those who care)
::What package? Are you my uniform designer? I thought I LoJ'd you off the face of this puny little planet... Uwhee hee hee...:: Shadow rolled his eyes.
::No, sir. The package... You know...?:: The supreme leader did an angry face. ( X( for those who care)
::Who in Vector's name are you?! I hate guessing games!!:: Shadow gulped. He could almost hear the Light of Judgement powering up.
::It's me. Shadow. We got the esper from Narshe, sir. The frozen one::
::Ah. Gooooood! Knew I could rely on you to fg$dgfd*hgqembc!"0mnklsGDAW:: Shadow arched a brow.
::Sorry, sir? Didn't quite catch that last part::
::Stupid hamster on the keys... I said, "Bring it back to the ultra-secret HQ immediately" Are those two nitwits still alive?:: Shadow looked over to where Vicks and Wedge were sat. Vicks had fallen asleep on Wedge's shoulder and was drooling. Wedge was staring at the esper dimly.
::Unfortunately, yes,::
::Good. They're important in my scheme:: Shadow's eyes widened.
'What?!' he yelled. How could those numbskulls be important?!
::Yes, sir:: he typed. ::There may be one problem though. Locke Cole knows about the mission last night...::
::WHAT!!?!?!?!::
::*nervous cough* Yes, sir. He kind of stumbled in on us as we were in the process of stealing the esper...::
::I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate...::
Ten minutes later...
::... hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate HATE Locke COLE!! I'll have to resort to desperate measures. You just bring that esper back here NOW!:: And with that, the supreme leader was gone; off to play another bout of Quake. Shadow let out a deep sigh of relief.
'Thank god...' He turned back to Vicks and Wedge. Both were now in a comatose state thanks to staring at the esper for two hours. Shadow rolled his eyes.
It was going to be a long mission.
On a slightly different note: To those of you who liked Setzeroth and demanded a sequel, I'm working on it. Just to let you know.
FF characters not mine. You can guess who I mean by Yahee and VOL. Quake and Sim City are owned by other people. Not me. Don't sue me, darnit! I'm a student! I'm poor enough as it is!
Cookies to those who review. Non-treatable virus' to those who don't.
Enjoy!
It took Locke and Gogo longer to get to HQ than they thought. Well, the streets of Narshe were tempting for a closet alcoholic, and Locke just HAD to stop in every pub he saw. By the end of the night, Gogo was walking three feet ahead of his companion, shaking his head and wondering if he could get a transfer to be someone else's sidekick. He'd even think about going over to the "other side" (To the bad guys) The supreme leader of the Empire of Evil couldn't be as bad as Locke.
Right?
Back in the EoE, Hamka was exercising. That meant she was chasing Leo around the ultra-secret base. Everyone knew that Leo was deadly allergic to hamster fur. If he stopped, then she would pounce on him and give him the worst allergic reaction of his life.
'Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiir!' Leo was screaming as he sprinted into the throne room. Kefka waved a hand lazily at him.
'You know not to disturb me when I'm playing, pinhead,' he murmured. He was playing his second favourite game - Sim City. He just loved to build up fantastic cities for his little Sims. And then...
The pointer hovered over the "disasters" button. What to choose, what to choose? Tidal wave? Hurricaine? The King Koopa lookalike monster? Or his own special patch - The ever-trustworthy Light of Judgement. Well, the decision almost made itself.
'FRRRRRRRY, FOOLISH, TRUSTING SIMS!! UWHAA HAA HAA!!' Kefka yelled as half his city was melted into a pile of white powder. Leo laughed nervously. Hamka had backed him into a corner.
'Terra! Help meee!!' Leo yelled. Terra continued to stare blankly into space. She was thinking about what kind of shampoo she was going to buy next week. Such things were very important to a half-human, half-esper who supopsedly had no conscious thought of her own.
'Siir... What am I going to do? I'm very allergic to pet-hair and if little Hamka...' Both Kefka and Hamka shot him a glare. Leo rethought his sentence.
'... Whom I revere and admire so much, jumps on me, then I think I'll die,' Kefka waved a hand again, slightly annoyed that part of his city had survived the frenzied attack.
'So?' Leo facefaulted.
'But, sir...' Kefka rolled his eyes and readied to have a nuclear meltdown over the rest of his city.
'Fight back. Eesh. You want me to fight all your battles for you?' Leo laughed nervously again.
'It's kind of the other way around, sir. I fight all YOUR battles...' Kefka frowned thoughtfully.
'Oh yeah...' He shrugged. 'Well, whatever,' He leaned back and ignored the fight that ensued between his hamster and his second-in-command, instead deciding to start an internet game of Quake.
'"M" eh?' he mused, eyeing his opponent. 'Lets get it on!'
Eventually, Gogo and Locke stumbled into HQ.
'Sheesh. Can't you have ONE day off without drinking every drop of alcohol in Narshe, Cole?' a shrill voice yelled, making Locke wince slightly.
'Please don't do that, Miss Paintypenny...'
M's secretary, painter extraordinaire and the owner of the largest pair of lungs this side of the mountains.
Default name: Miss Relm Paintypenny
'Why? Headache?!' Relm trilled. Locke put a hand to his head and groaned.
'Look. We have to talk to M. Can we talk to M, Miss Paintypenny?' Relm consulted the small diary in front of her.
'Well he's busy right now, and he is booked up for another month... I can squeeze you in sometime in August?' Locke frowned, and thwapped the young girl upside the head.
'Just let me in, you infernal brat,' Relm backed off.
'Fine, fine. Just don't blame me when he goes thermal on you...' Locke did not hear - he was already opening the door to M's office. Gogo, however, was paying attention and decided to stay outside.
Wise choice.
'M! I think the EoE is up to something terrible,' Locke said, rather dramatically as he burst into the small office. He didn't get very far before he was grabbed from behind and held upside down.
'....' (Translation: Halt, vile intruder!)
M's bodyguard and wannabe sculptor. Silent, deadly and very, very hairy.
Default name: Umaro
'PUT ME DOWN YOU HAIRY BEAST!' Locke screamed. International man of intrigue he may be, but he did not like being held upside down by an eight foot tall creature.
'Grawrgh!' (Translation: What should I do with him, Mr M?) Umaro said, shooting a questioning glance towards the overly large desk at the centre of the room.
'Throw him out, kupo! I'm in the middle of a very important Quake match right now, kupo! Try to beat ME will you "Supreme Leader"?!?! KUPOPO!!'
The head of Narshe's secret agent division; fast-talking, slam-dancing, Quake playing moogle with a slightly psychotic streak.
Default name: Mog (or M for short)
'But, sir!' Locke said. Mog waved a hand.
'Unless it's about the EoE, kupo, I don't want to hear it, kupo,' Umaro and Locke exchanged glances.
'I think the EoE is up to something terrible,' Locke repeated, slower and calmer this time. Mog's eyes shot up from the computer screen.
'What?! Why didn't you say this before, kupo!? This is terrible, kupo!' The small moogle leapt up from his seat and stood on the desk; brandishing a rather pointy spear. His eyes slitted at Umaro.
'What are you doing, Yetikupo? Put him down, kupo!' Umaro shrugged and dropped Locke onto the floor. The agent took a moment to shake the stars from his vision and stood up shakily.
'I just caught Shadow and two flunkies trying to steal Narshe's esper,' Locke said. Mog's jaw dropped.
'I hope you stopped them, kupo! That esper is very important, kupo!' Locke started to look at the floor.
'Well, we did try to stop them... But there were tonnes of them! Hundreds!' He took up a fighting position and growled. 'I took out one, and then another, but then they were all over me! Gogo was hiding, and I knew I had to save him,' Mog rolled his eyes.
'... Rgagh...' Umaro said. (Translation: He was drunk and let them go again, didn't he?) Mog nodded.
'You bet, kupo,' They both shrugged. Locke was still ranting about how he tried valiantly to fight off all the EoE minions, and was currently demonstrating his death grip on Mog's potted plant.
'Alright, kupo,' Mog said. 'We get the point, kupo. You let them get away, didn't you, kupo?' Locke didn't even look up.
'... And he tried to pull my throat out of me! My throat! So I grabbed him, and I said "Look here, you minion of evil! No-one takes Locke Cole's throat away from him unless they are a particularly beautiful lady," But he wouldn't listen, so I had to use my Karate-CHOP on him...' He demonstrated his karate chop on the closest plant. Mog's eye twitched slightly as he saw his favourite ferns getting chopped into pieces.
'You better stop now, kupo,' he said calmly. Locke ignored him; he was too far into his reverie.
'... And I grabbed him like THIS, and he started to cry! "Well, tough tootles!" I said to him. "You tried to take MY throat away from me!" So he cried like a baby! I mean, here was a fully grown man, crying like a little...'
'....!' Umaro said. (Translation: I would stop now if I were you. The boss is getting that glint in his eye again...) Locke continued to bash Mog's plant.
'AIIIIIIIIIE-YA!! KUPOPO!!!!'
Gogo looked up and winced slightly. Relm chuckled.
'I told him not to go in there...'
'Now that you've stopped ranting, kupo,' Mog said calmly, dusting his fur off. Locke nodded meekly, trying to realign his spine. 'Maybe we can get on with giving you a new mission, kupo,' Locke smiled slightly.
'Yes, sir,'
Meanwhile, in a cave just south of Narshe, Vicks and Wedge were playing snap. Shadow was sat about five feet away; his head in his hands, trying desperately not to listen to them. He was trying to get through to the supreme leader on his nifty EoE laptop (standard issue to non-idiotic minions) but his line was connected.
'I bet he's playing Quake again...' Shadow muttered.
'SNAP!' Wedge yelled. Vicks frowned.
'Since when was a two and a seven the same?' Wedge slapped his forehead with one hand.
'Sorry. I thought we were playing same suit snap,' Vicks tilted his head to one side.
'Since when was a heart and a spade the same suit?'
'Same colour?'
'Since when was black and red the same colour?'
'SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!!' Shadow yelled, resisting the urge to throttle both of them. VOL (Vector OnLine) was driving him absolutely nuts, and his state of mind was not helped by those bickering idiots.
'Just shush. Watch the esper or something,' Vicks and Wedge saluted eagerly.
'Yes, sir!' He didn't hear a peep out of them for the next two hours, as they sat and watched the esper intently.
Shadow let out a sigh of relief and waited for the supreme leader to answer his "DRING" message.
'Stupid YaHee...' he muttered, typing a message again as the messenger crashed on him for the fourth time in twenty minutes.
It took three restarts, two redownloads of messenger and at least seven curses the likes of which I shall not repeat here. (This is a family fic, after all) But finally, an hour later, the supreme leader answered with an irritated;
::What the heck do you want? I thought you'd be dead by now!::
'Charming...' Shadow said, typing.
::We got the package for you, sir:: The supreme leader typed a little confused smily. ( :-/ for those who care)
::What package? Are you my uniform designer? I thought I LoJ'd you off the face of this puny little planet... Uwhee hee hee...:: Shadow rolled his eyes.
::No, sir. The package... You know...?:: The supreme leader did an angry face. ( X( for those who care)
::Who in Vector's name are you?! I hate guessing games!!:: Shadow gulped. He could almost hear the Light of Judgement powering up.
::It's me. Shadow. We got the esper from Narshe, sir. The frozen one::
::Ah. Gooooood! Knew I could rely on you to fg$dgfd*hgqembc!"0mnklsGDAW:: Shadow arched a brow.
::Sorry, sir? Didn't quite catch that last part::
::Stupid hamster on the keys... I said, "Bring it back to the ultra-secret HQ immediately" Are those two nitwits still alive?:: Shadow looked over to where Vicks and Wedge were sat. Vicks had fallen asleep on Wedge's shoulder and was drooling. Wedge was staring at the esper dimly.
::Unfortunately, yes,::
::Good. They're important in my scheme:: Shadow's eyes widened.
'What?!' he yelled. How could those numbskulls be important?!
::Yes, sir:: he typed. ::There may be one problem though. Locke Cole knows about the mission last night...::
::WHAT!!?!?!?!::
::*nervous cough* Yes, sir. He kind of stumbled in on us as we were in the process of stealing the esper...::
::I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate...::
Ten minutes later...
::... hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate HATE Locke COLE!! I'll have to resort to desperate measures. You just bring that esper back here NOW!:: And with that, the supreme leader was gone; off to play another bout of Quake. Shadow let out a deep sigh of relief.
'Thank god...' He turned back to Vicks and Wedge. Both were now in a comatose state thanks to staring at the esper for two hours. Shadow rolled his eyes.
It was going to be a long mission.