Break Down
Angel listened intently as Cordelia spoke. She told him everything she knew about how Buffy had died.
She held his hands offering all the comfort and support that was absent from her stark retelling of what Willow had told them. Tact, in Cordelia's opinion, had never helped anything, so she just told him what she knew and left it to her touch to show him that she was there for him. When she felt his hands change, becoming claw-like, when the eyes that stared into hers changed from sorrowful brown to molten gold she only held on tighter.
After she finished they sat there for a while in silence. Then Angel got up, went to the sink, picked up a heavy mug and very deliberately smashed it against the wall.
Fred came running and was just in time to see the plate meet the same fate. A few more crashes brought Wesley and Gunn as well.
The four watched as Angel methodically and without expression destroyed every dish in the kitchen. When there was nothing left he stood there, swaying uncertainly. Wesley guided him back to a chair.
"It wasn't fair," Angel said in a choked voice. "They didn't give her a choice she could live with; Dawn, herself or the world. It wasn't right."
"No it wasn't," Wesley agreed and the anger just drained from Angel's eyes. His demon visage melted away.
"She asked me to stay after her mother's funeral," Angel said. "Maybe I was supposed to. I drank her, it was her blood that kept me from dying, I could have been the one to jump and that would have been better. There would have been an actual good choice."
"Angel…" Wesley began uncertainly, "After two years I… I don't think you would still…"
"Buffy wouldn't have let you," Cordelia interrupted forcefully. "She didn't want to be the one left behind. She wouldn't have let you make that choice."
"I never said goodbye," Angel commented. "All the times I left her, I never said goodbye."
"You could now," Fred suggested. "If that's what you need."
"I was at the funeral," Angel said. "It didn't do any good. I'm sorry Fred, but that won't help me."
"It might this time," Wesley suggested quietly. "At the funeral you were still looking for ways to bring her back. It could help now that you are going to say goodbye."