AN:I came across one too many anti-whatever things while searching for fanfics while ff.net was down, snapped and wrote this. Anyone else who feels like flaming me over my fics can take this as my responce.
Also, I gotta say real fast-Amethyst, Im not mocking you! I respect your convictions and understand why you have them. However, I feel this must be said.
_
(We see Zim at a podium, clearing his throat. A small spider arm reaches out of his bookbag, holding a handkerchief that wipes the sweat from his forehead. He rustles some papers and begins to read.)
Zim: Recently, it has come to my attention that certain members of the Invader Zim audience have started to imply that I am romantically involved with either Dib or Gaz. I find this disgusting and deploreable, particularly becuase they are romantically involved with each other-
(a spotlight shines into the audience, showing Dib and Gaz's messy make out session already in progress. Dib glares up at Zim.)
Dib: Mind your own damn buisness, alien scum! (looks to Gaz) Noone saw that, right?
Gaz: Shut up and kiss me.(He complies. The audience murmurs uncomfortably.)
Zim: Yeah. Ew. But its their descision and if those two stinking meatbags find eachotehr desireable, then theres nothing I can do about it. Anyway, I thought Id put an end to the rumors once and for all by admitting the true object of my affections. Would you come out here, please?
(The curtains rustle. GIR steps out and pounds into Zim's arms. Zim grins a wide grin, then the two have a 7 minutes in heaven closet-style tounge kiss. Most of the members of the audience, at this point, vomit.)
Zim: Yes, me and my little robot can hide it no longer- We're here! We're...Irken! We arent going anywhere!
GIR: I like you.
Zim: Yes, GIR, I like you too.
(The red curtain falls on their Casablanca embrace. See Harmony stalk out onstage, giggling mightily.)
Harmony: Hi everyone. Yes, yes, I know, disgusting, wasnt it? Well, for those of you who were all squicked out by the Dib/Gaz face-sucking, allow me to introduce Jorge "Squashy" Gonzales, the midget that played Pepito and our passion play's "Dib"!
(Dib stands up in the audience and yanks his wig off to reveal his tiny horns. He bows to a smatering of appaluse.)
Harmony: And as for our "Gaz", allow me to introduce the spunky undead star of the Roman Dirge comic "Lenore!" Say hi, everyone!
(Gaz stands up and yanks her wig off to reveal odd, yarnlike hair. She curtsies politely to a bit stronger applause.)
Harmony: They met on the set of Squee (she played the girl that got her eye knocked out by that baseball, remember?) and hit it off. What a cute couple, huh? As for Zim...Squee, can you come out here?
(Who we thought was Zim walks out, washing green facepaint off and dragging Shmee behind him. He waves a little shyly at the audience, who applauds madly at the sight of him.)
Squee: Crowds are scaaaaaaary.
Harmony: Yes, I know dear, you can go backstage again. And as for that GIR...Gaz?
(Gaz steps out from backstage in the GIR disguize, partially unzipped so you can see her head. Everyone appaluds again, and there are cries of "I love you Gaz!" audible throughout the auditorium. She glares at Harmony.)
Gaz: Wheres my GameSlave?
Harmony: Backstage, along with a 20$. Thanks for the help.
Gaz: No problem, Todd's cute. I will destroy you.
Harmony: Riiiigght. See ya. (waves Gaz off.) Anyway, alot of you are wondering, why did this girl purposefully nauseate us to the point of no return? Why was she freaking us out? Well, the question I wanna ask you is...why are you freaking out at all?
What we, as a fan community, need to get a grip on is the fact that fanfiction in and of itself is dinking around in someone elses universe that never ACTUALLY takes place. Its like a dream- sound and fury that signifies nothing. Im not knocking fanfics, I love them! Theyre alot of fun! But some of you are taking all of this WAY too seriously. So what if Dib tounges Zim in a fic? Does that mean it actually HAPPENED? No. No it dosent. Does it rfeflect on Zim's sexuality in any way? No! It means that a fanfic writer thought it would be fun to experiment with the pairing. Ditto for Gaz tounging Zim, or Gaz tounging DIB for that matter, sick as that might be. Unless Jhonen puts it in the show, it aint real.
The point Im getting at is fanfiction stops being fun when people take it too seriously-when they start making "anti such-and-such sites" and stuff like that. If you dont like slashes, dont read them. If you dont like ZAGRs, noone's forcing you on ff.net. I mean, its your choice and if youre morally offended by slash or just squicked out by Gaz, then I completely get it. I have much respect for people's feelings and convictions, but when people violently start to personally attack communities of writers (or the writers themselves), thats when trouble begins.
So, in conclusion, if you wig out at something in a fanfic, before you go schitzo and flame the author, just close your eyes, crank up "Aliens Exist", and repeat to yourself: ITS ONLY A FANFIC.
Thanks.
(The final curtain falls. the appaluse and catcalls are up to the reviewers.)