Disclaimer: What I said in Chapter One.
A/N: I¡¦m so sorry it took me so long to get this second chapter up, but you see, I had it, but then I reread it, and it wasn¡¦t funny at all, so I had to redo it. Sorry.
Another A/N: Kel is a squire in this, ¡¥cause I¡¦m redoing the thing with Cleon. KEL AND NEAL FOREVER!!! And someone mentioned in their review they couldn¡¦t imagine Numair being confused¡K well, this is humor, isn¡¦t it?
Another A/N: VERY IMPORTANT!!! I am not one for dirty language and all that, so I¡¦ll just use ¡§Jacuzzi¡¨ for the (ahem) words. That¡¦s what I say. (shrugs)
Our Favorite Mages Meet!
The mages were going crazy with the effort of trying to remain civil. King Jon was the king, and couldn¡¦t exactly yell at the very people he¡¦d welcomed into Tortall to shut up, Niko was a guest and had to preserve Emelan¡¦s reputation, and Numair had to respect the king¡¦s presence. They had long before figured out something was wrong with Dumbledore. Niko had asked him what he planned to do about the situation.
Dumbledore had blinked and answered, ¡§I like bunnies. They¡¦re fluffy and cuddly.¡¨
So they got on without him and Dumbledore, oblivious to the tension, had only added to it. ¡§Bunnies are cute,¡¨ he kept saying in a singsong voice.
¡§You old f ¡V ¡¨ Niko had started to bellow, but he remembered Jon. ¡§Begging your majesty¡¦s pardon,¡¨ he quickly amended.
Jon only looked as if he wanted to add to what Niko had to say.
There was also a constant raging jealousy between Numair and Niko. ¡§In Emelan, we have no cheap mages who call themselves the greatest,¡¨ Niko had commented casually once, obviously meaning Numair.
¡§Why don¡¦t you freaking¡V¡¨ Numair had screeched, but then stopped with Jon¡¦s reproving glare.
¡§Now, now, gentlemen, we don¡¦t want to go about starting an argument, do we?¡¨ he had asked mildly.
Finally, both Numair and Niko lost it.
¡§Shut the [Jacuzzi] up about what Emelan has and Tortall doesn¡¦t!¡¨ Numair screamed at Niko.
¡§Why don¡¦t you [Jacuzzi-ing] go to [Jacuzzi]?!¡¨ Niko had yelled back.
¡§Why don¡¦t you?¡¨
¡§Ahh, you¡¦re too [Jacuzzi] for me to bother with,¡¨ Niko had retorted hotly.
¡§Shut up, you [Jacuzzis]!!!¡¨ Jon screeched then.
Numair and Niko looked at each other. ¡§Did you just call us ¡V [Jacuzzis]?¡¨ Numair repeated dangerously.
¡§Yeah! Tell you what, you¡¦re also [Jacuzzis] and [Jacuzzis] and [Jacuzzi-ing Jacuzzis] ¡V¡¨
Numair got [Jacuzzied off] and turned Jon into a bunny.
¡§A bunny!!!¡¨ Dumbledore squealed. ¡§I love bunnies!¡¨
¡§We [Jacuzzied] well know!¡¨ Niko bellowed.
Jon the Bunny struggled wildly, but Dumbledore reached over and promptly picked him up and cuddled him. ¡§Bunnies are so cuddly! I¡¦ll love you forever and ever and ever¡K¡¨
The bunny relieved himself right on Dumbledore¡¦s lap.
Numair and Niko burst into laughter and couldn¡¦t stop. Dumbledore burst into tears and sobbed, ¡§Bunny, how could you? I thought you loved me! Why? Why?¡¨
Just then, someone rushed in, startled by the commotion. Seeing the chaos, he asked, ¡§Where¡¦s the king?¡¨
Dumbledore pointed tearfully at the white bunny.
The man¡¦s eyes widened and he backed out of the room very, very slowly. Suddenly he turned around and started shouting, ¡§The Scanrans are coming! The Scanrans are coming!¡¨
¡§Paul Revere!¡¨ Dumbledore clapped his hands together. ¡§I¡¦ve always wanted to meet Paul Revere! He¡¦s my hero!¡¨ Eyes shining with admiration, he ran out, the bunny¡¦s waste still stained on his long wizard¡¦s robe.
¡§Who¡¦s Paul Revere?¡¨ Numair asked.
Niko shrugged, and they went back to fighting.
Meanwhile, the people in the palace, seeing Dumbledore chasing after ¡§Paul Revere,¡¨ were shocked. But they heard, ¡§The Scanrans are coming!¡¨ and immediately got into action.
¡§Pages and squires, ready for duty?¡¨ Lord Wyldon hollered.
¡§Yes, sir!¡¨ they shouted.
¡§Isn¡¦t it ¡¥yes, my lord¡¦?¡¨ Owen asked. The others shrugged.
They marched out to the battlefield with The King¡¦s Own and The Queen¡¦s Riders. Crouched and ready to fight, they waited.
Silence.
Just then Numair and Niko rushed into sight. ¡§You [Jacuzzis]!!!!!¡¨ they screamed. ¡§There are no [Jacuzzi-ing] [Jacuzzi] Scanrans attacking us!!!!¡¨
¡§Oh.¡¨
They marched back to the palace, grumbling and annoyed. Just then, ¡§Paul Revere¡¨ came running to them gasping with fright and exhaustion. ¡§It¡¦s him!¡¨ he screeched. ¡§It¡¦s the insane [Jacuzzi]!!¡¨
Dumbledore appeared, still cuddling Jon the Bunny.
¡§What¡¦s that you¡¦ve got there?¡¨ Wyldon asked suspiciously.
¡§It¡¦s the king!¡¨ Dumbledore squealed.
¡§Assault!¡¨ Wyldon shouted. ¡§This ¡V this [Jacuzzi] has deliberately morphed our king into some ¡V some [Jacuzzi] rabbit!¡¨
¡§It¡¦s a bunny!¡¨ Dumbledore shouted. Hurt and confused, he changed Lord Wyldon into a squid.
The pages/squires gasped to see Wyldon squirming on the floor as a gushy, slippery squid. Dumbledore reached down, picked it up, and threw it into the cook¡¦s pot of boiling water. Wyldon the squid shot up like a rocket and landed on Kel.
Kel freaked out. ¡§AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!¡¨ she screamed.
Both Neal and Cleon jumped to the rescue. ¡§I¡¦ll save you, Kel!¡¨ they shouted in unison. Then they glared at each other.
¡§Kel¡¦s mine,¡¨ Cleon intoned murderously.
¡§She might prefer me,¡¨ Neal retorted.
Cleon shrieked a war cry and attacked him.
¡§Oh, honestly,¡¨ Kel huffed exasperatedly, picking off the squid herself.
* * *
Meanwhile¡K
¡§So¡K¡¨
¡§Huh¡K¡¨
¡§Well¡K¡¨
¡§Hmm¡K¡¨
Sandry, Hermione, Tris, Harry, Briar, Ron, and Daja were sitting around in one of the palace rooms, trying to make conversation. All of a sudden, a commotion started outside.
They stared in astonishment as a strange sight greeted them ¡V Dumbledore chasing after a man screaming, ¡§The Scanrans are coming!¡¨
¡§Who¡¦re the Scanrans?¡¨ Tris asked.
¡§I¡¦m not sure,¡¨ Harry answered.
¡§I thought Dumbledore was acting strange ¡V not talking and looking all dazed,¡¨ Hermione confided loftily.
¡§Hmm¡K¡¨ was all Ron said.
They sat around in silence again.
* * *
¡§You [Jacuzzi-ing] [Jacuzzi]!!!¡¨
¡§You¡¦re the [Jacuzzi] around here!¡¨
¡§No way!¡¨
¡§Yes way!¡¨
¡§No!¡¨
¡§Yes!¡¨
¡§No!¡¨
¡§Yes!¡¨
¡§Yes!¡¨
¡§No!¡¨
¡§Ha, tricked you, [Jacuzzi]!¡¨
Niko and Numair were still arguing.
¡§I challenge you to a duel!¡¨
¡§Right on!¡¨
Niko¡K and Numair¡K dueling¡K
Sorry that was so short, and I know it could be funnier¡K I¡¦ve blanked out. Heh heh. Review as always. (smiles charmingly)