..nEVeR ALonE...

Darkness.

That's all she saw.  She could no longer tell the difference between the opening and closing of her eyes.  Her arms throbbed, but in a sweet cleansing way.  If only they weren't tied to her sides.  Then she could leave.  Things were going so well, she was totally unprepared for what happened…

Light.

She seemed to blink once and suddenly her world opened up; she was totally surrounded by a white light.  Doesn't light make you feel better? Doesn't it signify success…or the ending of toils?

I'm dead.  That's all there is to it.  My hell is an eternity surrounded by….this….

And then, she was free.  Free as a bird, flying down the hallway.  Blood trailed behind her; a large crimson puddle emerged from the doorway of her room.  Footsteps clamored behind her as a young woman's voice screamed.

Screaming.

The screaming voices.  All around her.  She turned,  grasping her head; a shiny blade clenched in her fists.  Why..? She was gone.  She escaped.  Why didn't they go away..? How could she make them go away..?

QUIET!! I'M FREE!!! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT NOW..?

Then she felt strong arms surround her.  They reminded her…the arms the hurt her so many times before.  How can you get away from pain?

  The blade fell to the floor, clicking against the cold marble.  She felt the searing pain in her arms, the dripping of blood from her fingertips.  The arms shook her, and she felt something stick into her leg..a needle.

Once more, there was darkness.  A slamming, and she was once again…..alone.  The sleeves were already soaking up the essence of her life.  But she smiled. 

Finally…silence.

That's how you make them go away…

………………..

Day came so quickly. 

How long had it been..? Years….it must have been.  Years of darkness; seclusion.  No one cared for her.  Another lost soul in a lost place.

The door opened slowly; she knew who it was.  It was always the same.

Always the same.

And no one cared.

"Sage, sweety..? How are you feeling today..?" came a soft voice from behind the door.  A middle aged woman entered, followed by an extreamly large man.  He scowled.

I wish they would go away…

"You certainly sliced up Nurse Clara yesterday night…." She said, fumbling through her pockets.  Her free hand was shaking.

"….why didn't you let me go."

The nurse looked up, surprised to hear her speak, "We can't let you go, honey.  You might hurt yourself..or someone else.." She finally found the needle she had been searching for.  "We're going to take you for a walk now..the fresh air will do you good."

Good…such a funny word.  Am I good..? Is there any good left in me…?

"no."

"No..? Oh come on..you could really use the sunshine…" said the nurse with a smile.

Sage turned her head, very slowly. "I will get out."

The nurse's face drained of color. "Sage…you can't get out..you might hurt someone.." she walked to the opposite side of the room and opened the shades.

There was a flash.

Light.

Sage screamed and closed her eyes.  The window shade had been pulled up.  It reflected off the padded walls.

Each wall was covered with blood.

Sweet, sweet pain…

The screaming sent the nurse into a fit; she ran from the room and the man followed, slamming the door.

She was trapped.  Again.  And the light was everywhere.

She did her best to curl up into a ball; her legs were strapped to the bed, and her arms were tied up in a straight jacket.  There was also a belt going around her waist and her chest that kept her onto the bed.  Her eyes filled with tears as she stared forward.

She was covered with blood.  Who would clean it off?

No one. 

Because she was alone.  No one cared.

….Free….

……………………..

Years did pass.  Years of nothingness.  Years void of time.  Is it possible to live and never take a breath of sanity?

They moved her, from room to room, wing to wing.  They kept her in the light.

They didn't understand.  They didn't care.

She was alone in her room, tied to the bed, as always. 

"How long have I been here…"

Silence.

"Why can't I be free…."

Silence.

"How do I get out of here.."

But she was alone.  No one answered her.  At least…no one who cared…

You don't.

"You're wrong…I can..I almost did.."

Almost isn't good enough.  You'll be stuck here forever.

"no…nono..you're wrong.  I won't be…"

I'm never wrong---

The door opened again, and someone walked in.  She didn't bother looking.  It didn't matter who it was.  They wouldn't care.

"Sage…?"

She didn't look, she didn't answer.  She didn't even blink.  There was a scraping noise, of metal being dragged into the room, then the door closed. 

"Sage….My name is Conner," came a quiet, masculine voice.

She didn't answer.

"I'm a psychologist.  I've been asked to come and talk to you.  I've been told you don't like talking very much.."

"Every sentence you just said referred to yourself.  Go away.  You don't care about me…no one does."

"Well now, that's where you're wrong.  I had to drop a lot of my cases to come here."

"Unstrap me."

"..Sage, I don't think I can do that—"

"Don't think.  Thinking kills you.  If you don't want to than go.  I don't need to talk.  I need to be free."

Silence.

She suddenly felt a tugging at her legs..then she could move one of them.  Then the other.  Then, she could sit up.

The light didn't bother her.

"Take this jacket off."

"I can't do that.  Even you know that."

"I don't care what I know."

"I do.  You could hurt me."

"I want to."

"Why don't you?"

"My arms are tied up."

He smirked. "You're very logical, Sage.  Just sit down.  Let's talk."

"I get enough talking."

"Oh..? I'm told you are always alone."

"No one's ever alone."

"I don't know about that…I'm alone a lot."

"No..you're not.  You're never alone.  Neither am I."

"Why am I not alone."

"Because they care."

"They..?"

"Let me out please."

"Sage, I can't.  Who is they."

"Now."

He stood up. "I'm sorry Sage.  It looks like I'm going to have to go.  I have no need to be pleaded at."

She just watched.  The light was beginning to hurt now.

"I don't want to explain."

He just looked at her.  "Why not."

"Do you have kids…?"

"Why?"

"Do they love you?"

He was just quiet.

"No one loves me.  No one cares.  I don't understand.  They won't tell me.  She won't tell me either."

"She..?"

"Do they..?"

"I don't have any kids."

She didn't look at him.  The walls were so clean.  She missed the red.

"Why doesn't anyone love you?" he asked after a moment

"Why don't you have kids?"

He didn't answer, but he sat back down.

Cat and mouse.

"Shut up."

He looked surprised.  "Excuse me..?"

And you're the mouse.  He's going to catch you like a cat catches a mouse.

"I won't let him."

"Sage..what are you talking about?"

She snapped back.  Light; swirling light.  Her head hurt now.

Why do you trust him.  He doesn't care.  No one does.

"See..? No one does."

He just looked at her. 


She stood suddenly, then walked across the room and sat against the wall, looking at his back.  "Do you like cats."

He turned.  "Cats..? No, I can't say I do."

"You're wrong."

I'm never wrong.

………………………..

A few days passed.  She knew.  The doctors kept her window-shade opened.  The doctor came back.  This time, he was carrying  a bag.

"Hello Sage.  It's nice to see you again." He said with a cheery voice, sitting back down in the chair that  had been set up for him.

She looked over at him.  She was tied to the bed again.

"What's that."

He followed her gaze to the bag. "Ahh..I brought you a present."

"oh."

He reached into it and pulled out a book.  "Have you ever read Alice In Wonderland..?"

"Yes."

"Really..?  It happens to be one of my favorite books."

"I don't remember."

"Don't remember what..?"

"The book."

"Well..that's a good thing then.  I can read it to you."

"Why."

He looked at her for a moment, considering what to say.  "Because I care."

No.

She just looked at him, then turned her head and stared at the ceiling.

"You can't care."

"Why not?"

"No one cares."

"But I do."

"You lie."

He sat there, holding the book. "Why do you think I lie..?"

"Because everyone lies.  They all lie to me.  No one answers me."

The door opened and a nurse walked in, followed by two large attendants.

"Hello there Sage." Said the nurse.  She was holding syringes.  "Time for your medications."

Sage's eyes filled up with tears.

He does lie.  I'm never wrong.

"I don't want them."

The nurse just laughed.  "Don't WANT them..? I'm afraid you don't have a  choice..it's for your own good."

They don't care…

She looked sadly at the psychologist.  He just sat there, the book in his hands, looking at her.  The two attendants stood outside the door as the nurse began sticking the needles, one at a time into her thigh.

Help me….

He just sat, watching.

Don't look for pity. 

"Help me.."

He just sat.

You can't be saved.

She gritted her teeth and kicked up with her only free foot.  The techs hadn't tied her down all the way that morning.

The nurse jumped backwards.  "Sage, sweetie..don't try and--"

The doctor reached over and undid another one of her restraints.

"Doctor..w-what are you doing..?" the nurse asked, her voice trembling.

Sage sat up, kicking her legs over the side of the bed.

He just sat and watched.

The nurse began to yell out, but  Sage lept at her, bashing her head into the side of the open door.  The attendants rushed in, but she ran out past them.  Her arms were still strapped to her side, but she had taken something from breakfast that morning.

Glittering steel ripped through the fabric from the inside.

Footsteps behind her.  Yelling.  She turned down the endless twists  of the hallways.  Through a set of doors….

Suddenly she was in a room.  People in chairs looked up, their eyes sad..grieving for lost ones.  Lost in a sea of the unknown.

She could see the outside.

The door exploded open behind her.  People screamed as she turned and slashed at the nearest person; blood splattered onto the floor.

She ran out the door. 

Freedom.

She ran.  Ran down the road and away.

Freedom

So why doesn't anyone care…?.

Because you can't be saved.