Aimee
It only took two months to start a family of our own; Narcissa was pregnant by the time Christmas rolled around. Draco was the first to find out; he, in turn, told Harry who in turn informed Lily and Severus. By the time December 20th came, we had been invited over to the Snape's for Christmas Day.
Draco and Harry had become friends faster than any of us could have imagined; in a matter of four months, Harry was Draco's best friend and Draco had moved into Harry's elite group, much to his delight.
Draco had confided in me once that the Sorting Hat had considered putting him in Gryffindor, and it was no secret Harry was almost made a Slytherin. Among other things, they were quite alike, no matter how much they insisted they weren't.
Draco had lost his father to the Dementors at an early age, hardly able to remember anything about the tall, blonde man he looked so much like. Harry had lost his biological father to Voldemort on the night of his downfall. No matter how much Harry hated it, he looked exactly like James… Except his eyes. He had Lily's eyes.
Lily and I had been friends for nearly our entire lives; for the short eleven years we didn't know each other seemed like nothing compared to the lifetime we had spent as best friends. Of course I fancied her when we were younger, but I couldn't dream of thinking of her like that now that I had Narcissa. Narcissa was my life; my day revolved around her. I had no need to work; my family did have money and Narcissa had inherited the Malfoy fortune when Lucius had died.
Lily and I were both determined to stay friends; however, as the year went by, I saw less and less of her. The twins were growing wonderfully; Pollux still had blue eyes, much to my surprise. I had been sure they were Severus' children.
She informed me of a medical possibility that the twins had different fathers. It was a tricky situation to determine; if that indeed was the case, Pollux was almost certainly mine and Castor was almost certainly Severus'. I was afraid of wanting such a thing; she had her family and I had mine. If Narcissa ever discovered this… I shuddered to think of what her reaction would be.
I loved my wife; Lily had Severus. The one thing joining us was that fateful day nearly a year ago… December 27th. Severus' 34th birthday, the day after their 17th anniversary. Two days after Christmas and after their youngest daughter's birthday. Such a time it was to remember…
I missed her. Narcissa was wonderful, but she could never be my best friend. Sirius was always there for me, but I knew he didn't understand me nearly as well as Lily did. We were one of the same now – both destined to walk the Earth every full moon as a wolf. Our eyes were exactly the same shade, only on the new moon did her vibrant green eyes show and my icy blue eyes come out. Amber… found in forests throughout the world. It was ironic.
Christmas was a full moon this year; Severus had insisted on preparing a Wolfsbane potion for myself as well as Lily, so that our families could be together. It would be the first time I ever saw another werewolf in the form of a wolf; I was scared to death.
Narcissa broke the news to both Draco and I at the same time; sitting in the living room as I watched Narcissa and Draco play a rousing game of wizard's chess. Needless to say, she won that round; Draco was so shocked it only took her three moves to checkmate the King.
I laid awake that night, just watching her sleep. I knew I had done the right thing; I couldn't imagine life without her. They were my family now; Lily was more of a sister than she had ever been before.
Oh, God. I slept with my sister.
I shook my head at the thought; I needed to get over it. However, each time I looked at Lily… Looked into her amber eyes… I couldn't help feel the rush of love I felt for her afterwards. I knew it was wrong; it was wrong in all aspects and perspectives. Even if she had no children, I would have felt as bad as I did – and still do – for doing what we did. I knew now she had been controlling my mind, but a small voice in the back of my mind had told me it wasn't necessary. A pit formed in the bottom of my stomach when I realized I would have done it anyway.
Sirius was right; I had craved human touch for the past thirty years. After I had been bitten, I felt as if no one cared, even my own family. Their son was a werewolf; one wrong move, one full moon away from my cage and I would have killed them all without a second thought. Who could honestly love such a creature?
Lily could. She was one of us now.
Severus could. He loved Lily as if she were his world – perhaps she was.
Narcissa could. She loved me even after I had told
her about my past.
My unborn child could… He or she would love me like
the father I was and would be.
Lily's children – each and every one of them – loved her as a child loves a mother. Harry was the only one who knew about her.
Draco knew about me and he still didn't shun me. He didn't love me as he would his own father – however, he accepted me. That was all I could have asked for.
Sirius… Back at Hogwarts, everyone had adored him. He was every girl's bedroom fantasy… and he knew it. Lord, did he know it. He didn't mind – oh no, quite the opposite. He adored the attention.
While I lay there, thinking about all of this, the world kept on moving. It didn't stop as it should have; people were living their lives. Children were playing, dogs were barking, babies were being born… people were dying. All over the world, people were living out their life and enjoying every minute of it.
I refused to give up. Life was a terrible thing, it felt like, sometimes. Other times – like now, as I lay here – it was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to me. Life had given me my wife… my best friend… my child. I was eternally grateful for them, as they were my life. Without Narcissa, I would be wallowing in self pity… I wouldn't know what to do with myself.
Without Lily, all my secrets would be inside of me still, wanting out. I would be driven crazy by my own mind.
Without my family… friends… I would be nothing. Sometimes, life was cold as rain. The people… Lily, Narcissa… they were cold. Other times, they were warm and inviting.
It was just how it went – you live, you love. You can't prevent your heart from trying to reach out to people. It was impossible… suppressing my emotions would have killed me.
We were one in the same… Forever joined, forever
bonded. Lily was my best friend… no matter what.
What does she have to hide
What misery of life
Can such things be left as secrets
Can history be gone
Through night to breathe the dawn
In light of those left in the rain be free?
But with words of present day
Left truth to run away
To bring to light
A passion fight
Of words against her soul
Cold rain in martyrs soul
Fire falls to light the secret for me
Guiding blaze to bring the truth into view
In light of those left in rain
Be Free
But when released I see
No secret
No meaning
Pushing away this shit can't be dealt with.
Laugh at Me
Talk at Me
Fight at Me
I'm not there
I can't care to care about those
Who care and find they're love as pity
She's no martyr, She's a soul
She's a fighter, She has control
Not defense, I see a whole in her hence
I reach to have my hand knocked away
Again and Again, and then a ray of light
From the Fire we now see inside
Love isn't pity,
Please see by the blaze you lit in my eyes
No lies will spill from me again.
And in light of those left in the rain
Be free*
*Drew Hull, Cold Rain
(My song... Written for me, about me, and inspired by me. I'm
a Muse! :o) )