Aimee
Micah Artemis Lupin was born on June 3rd, 1996, around 5:45 in the morning. She had come quickly – three hours of labour on Narcissa's part.
Draco hadn't been present; only Remus. The teenagers didn't even know until he came home two weeks later to find the Malfoy Manor in an uproar. Deeming the stone walls to be far too chilly for her new daughter, Narcissa had ordered for the stone to be replaced with brick. What difference this made, Draco and Remus were clueless about, but she was insistent.
Remus didn't see Lily until later that summer, the week before the twins' first birthday. She kept him and Sirius well updated, however, sending pictures and notes to them every few weeks. They often included wishes to see them once more, as Lily was often cooped up in the Snape Mansion, battling eight children constantly. Dea was going into her first year of Hogwarts, their fourth to go off to the school, and Remus knew just as well as Severus did how nervous Lily was for her little homemaker.
She had sent him an owl, requesting a meeting with him as soon as possible. Curious as to what it was all about, he responded, saying he'd meet her at the Leaky Cauldron at the designated time.
It was almost as if he was drawn to her by an unearthly magnetic attraction; the moment he walked through the doors off the busy London street, his amber eyes found her. She had been looking at him intently through her own amber eyes, clutching a glass of clear liquid. He made his way over to her table quickly, avoiding eye contact with anyone else in the grubby little tavern. She rose silently as he reached her and, without a word, beckoned him to follow her.
And follow her he did; through the pub, up the staircase and into a tiny room complete with a desk, mirror, and bed. She closed the door silently behind him, the lock echoing with a 'click'.
"Lil?" Remus asked warily, taking in his new surroundings.
"I came here to tell you something." Lily said quietly, sitting down on the edge of the bed. She looked up at him, their matching eyes meeting with a slight jolt of the senses.
"And what would that be?" Remus asked, taking a step backwards. The look she was giving him – she had to of learned it from Severus. He felt as if he were under a microscope, being examined like a fresh piece of meat.
"Remus, you're my best friend." Lily started, taking in a deep breath. She had promised herself she would be in control, and she wasn't about to let herself cry. "I love you, you know that."
Remus nodded mutely, vaguely wondering whether this way going to be a good or bad conversation.
"I can't do this anymore." Lily said quietly, her eyes fixed on the floor. "This, knowing what happened… It was almost two years ago, yes, but every time I look at Castor or Pollux – especially Pollux, I get a stabbing pain of guilt."
"You can't do what, exactly?" Remus asked, afraid of the answer she was about to provide him.
"This!" Lily waved her arm around the room. "We're together and we can't even have a normal conversation without tension mounting. Severus doesn't trust me to be alone with you, I don't trust myself to be alone with you."
"And?" Remus asked gently, his body tense.
"You-" Lily sighed, "God this is so hard."
Stepping forward, Remus set his hand on her shoulder as a gesture of comfort. "What's so hard?"
"I can't see you anymore." She finally whispered. "Ever."
Remus felt his insides turn to ice as the exact meaning of her words came to life. "Why?"
"I think we both know that if Severus and Narcissa weren't in the picture, we'd be sharing a bed." Lily said, blinking back the tears that were threatening to spill.
"We already have." Remus muttered softly. "Please… Lily… you're my best friend…"
"You have Sirius and Narcissa." Lily said numbly.
"I want you." Remus said, "Not Sirius, not Narcissa… I value my relationship with you much more than theirs…"
"Remus." Lily said softly, "Narcissa's your wife. Sirius has been there for twenty five years."
"You know everything about me." Remus said, "I've shared everything about myself with you. Everything. Narcissa… I love her, yes, but she'll never be you. Sirius… He knows things about me, yes, but sometimes I wonder if he really even hears me at all."
"Sometimes, I feel absolutely torn between wanting a time-turner and stopping us from ever doing that or just letting things go on as they are. I might lose my babies… but now, this… I'm losing you." Lily sighed once more, standing up and looking up at Remus. "It's absolutely tearing me up inside. I can't do this any more."
"Avoiding the situation all together isn't going to help, Lil." Remus said quietly, "It'll only make things worse. You know that."
"How can things get any worse?" Lily asked, brushing a stray tear away from her cheek. "Our friendship is… it's so much more than that."
"And you're going to give it up?" Remus whispered, "Just like that?"
Lily looked up into his liquid-amber eyes. "What other choice to we have?"
Taking her right hand, she brought it up to his face and wiped away a tear that had been sliding down his cheek unnoticed. He reached up his left hand and took hers within it, pressing it to his cheek and then brought her palm to his lips.
"You know I'll never be able to live without you." Remus whispered. Lily could feel his hot breath against her skin as he spoke. "I'll die."
"No you won't." Lily spoke softly, "You have your baby girl – a daughter, Remus. You have Narcissa and Draco… a family. You won't die without me."
"Yes I will." Remus sighed, "Micah… she's the only thing that compares to you. I love her as much as I love you, but in two completely different ways. You ARE my family, Lily. Narcissa… yes, she is also, but if I had to chose between her and you… she wouldn't have a chance."
Before Lily had a chance to respond, Remus took her hand away from his face and leaned forward, pressing his lips against hers. She didn't bother struggling; he knew she wanted it as badly as he did.
She responded, but only for a moment. He pulled away before they made things worse, their breath mingling as their faces were barely two inches away.
"Remus, you know we can't. We're both married. You have Cissa… and Severus, God, if he ever found out…" Lily squeezed her eyes shut. "Do you see? We have to let it go before things get out of hand and we both end up hurt."
Remus knew – she could feel it. Defeat filled his mind and body as quickly as guilt filled hers, their hands still joined together. Leaning forward and kissing him once more – and one last time – she stepped away from him.
"Goodbye, Remus." She whispered, their hands still joined. "I love you, and don't you ever forget that."
Tears streaming down both of their cheeks, Lily closed her eyes and Apparated back to the Snape Mansion, where Severus was waiting for her, sitting on their bed.
He stood up immediately and took her in his arms, his hand gently caressing her cheek. She sobbed into his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his body for support.
Lily didn't know how long to two stood like that,
but she cried until there were no more tears left to cry, until the sobs
that racked through her body finally gave up, until Severus had to carry
her to the bed, until her eyes were so heavy they closed on their own…
Until the heavy blanket of sleep finally overcame her as she welcomed it
with open arms.
The sky has lost it's color
The sun has turned to grey
At least that's how it feels to me
Whenever you're away
I crawl up in the corner
As I watch the minutes pass
Each one brings me closer to
The time when you'll be back
You're coming back
I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time
Until the next time I see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That I can't take a breath without saying your name
I can brave a hurricane
And still be standing tall when all the dust has settled down
But I can't take the distance
I still believe in feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you're close to me
But it ain't close enough
Not nearly close enough
I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time
Until the next time I see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That I can't take a breath without saying your name
I can brave a hurricane
And still be standing tall when all the dust has settled down
But I can't take the distance*
*Evan And Jaron, The Distance