Chapter 5
three years later...
Relena-tron 5000 wearily glanced at herself in the hallway mirror,
which caused it to shatter all over the floor.
"Tomorrow is my three
year wedding anniversary, and the beginning of yet another
struggle...I'm so scared.
What a fine way for the date of my wedding to go down in history."
"Mommy?" said a small voice, and Relena looked down at two-year-old
Faggot Buttface Darlian Peacecraft Yuy.
"What is it sweetie?"
"Mommy, why is everyone so sad?" the perceptive child asked.
"Why does she have to be smart?" Relena thought in confusion. She
couldn't see how such a brilliant child
came from her genes.
"Cows go moo-moo!!" the child prodigy added and her mother was aghast
at her overwhelming intelligence.
"Why does she have to have her child-like innocence gone so soon?"
Relena thought with envy of little Jerry. Not
so little anymore. Jerry was now six feet tall, as were Reena and
Aelis. Even though they were genetic freaks
they were still well liked by everyone. But even now, Jerry hadn't
lost his cheerful personality. Which is rather
amazing considering all he was was a rubber ball attached to Hilde's
ankle by way of a string "Just like his
"father","
Relena thought ruefully. "That's good; we'll need someone to cheer
us up from now on."
"Why mommy?"
Relena swore very loudly. "Damn! Did I just say that out loud?" she
thought wearily. "Whoops did it again." But she shocked herself out
of her daze and reached out for her child, who ran away from her in
terror.
"Things are going to be a little difficult from now on, Fag. But you
don't
worry about it okay? Let Daddy and me take care of it?"
"Will you and Daddy be okay?" the child shouted from behind a large
crate.
Relena hesitated, then forced a fake smile, "Of course not sweetie,
gee and I thought you were smart."
elsewhere... (hahaha we aren't going to tell you where but it is
somewhere else)
"So what do you think? Good thing we have all this technology now,
or there's
no way I could have finished all your gundams in time, eh?" Howard
said, wiping sweat
from his brow. He had gained quite a few pounds since the Endless
Waltz thingy. (Which by the way contains
no waltzing whatsoever and is not endless. Those mean writers were just
trying to trick us! Speaking of never
ending dancing, be sure to check out the new movie, Ongoing Conga in
the Shrub of Great Strength, coming
to theaters soon! This one is no lie! There actually will be both
dancing and shrubbery!)
Heero didn't look at his old friend but continued to study the
lined-up suits.
He listed them mentally in his mind: Wing Gundam II, Deathscythe II,
Incredibly Overweight Woman with
Heavyarms II, Sandrock II, Altron II, and Epyon II.
"I know the names aren't exactly original, but hey, that's the least
of our
concerns huh?" Howard said apologetically, trying to jar the younger
man out of his
daydream. "Hey Heero, you still there?"
"Did you install the Zero system in all of them?"
"WHAT?! Are you insane?" Howard howled at the moon then did a little
dance. "Sure, I installed them in Wing II
and Epyon II, but you know what the Zero system did to the rest of you
guys, right? It
nearly drove them nuts! Well, just Quatre any way, but he's fruity so
who cares? Plus, none of you have
handled an MS in four years...right?" he finished, throwing Heero a
suspicious glance.
"Do it anyway," Heero said flatly. "We don't have a choice."
"Fine fine," Howard muttered, turning back to the gundams. "Heero,
you really
believe this guy's serious? I mean okay!" he said, throwing up his
hands in defense
when Heero fixed him with a glare. "Sure they blew up a satellite
with civilians on it, and sure
they've got firepower, but how powerful is the PILOT? Is he even
strong enough to push the buttons? A mobile
suit is no good without a
good pilot, as I'm sure you know."
"No shit, Howard. This guy's good."
Howard heaved a sigh. "Okay Heero. Whatever you say. I'll install
the Zero systems."
Heero nodded, and turned to leave, then hesitated.
"Howard, what improvements did you make on the gundams?"
Howard shrugged and said, "Sorry Heero, I couldn't really do much,
not in three
years. Cause I'm really slow, dumb and blind in my right eye.
Remember, Relena's stupid disarmament plan
included the destruction of all the data on the
gundams. So basically, your gundams really suck now, and my memory's
not so good these days you know...But
I did add a nifty little function that would disable the Zero system
with a push
of a button," he said smugly. "And besides, it's probably better if
you six are fighting gundams
you are all familiar with. I made these guys carbon copies of the
originals. Even though I just said I had no record
of the old ones so they are just from my really crapped up memory so
I'm not sure if they can even fly."
Heero stopped, thought for a moment, and then left.
elsewhere...
"Trowa, you will be careful won't you? You won't try to self-
detonate again
right?"
"How many times must I tell you?! That's Heero's job you ignorant
circus woman!" shouted Trowa.
Catherine had been anxious, while helping Trowa move the last of his
things into
Quatre's private home in space. Trowa didn't respond. Cathrine
sighed, then said, "Okay Trowa,
I know that's probably too much to ask from you, but at least, will
you make sure not to
self-detonate until you know you have no other choice whatsoever?"
Trowa paused in his work and turned to regard the woman he had come
to think of
as a sister, then said, "No! I'm not your brother anymore! Go away!".
Cathrine smiled in relief. "Well, that's
good. I guess
that's the most I'll be able to get out of you anyway."
elsewhere...
"Dorothy, are you sure you want to come? It's dangerous, you're
pregnant,
and-" Quatre faded as Dorothy shot him with a gun. "Well," he said
lamely, "don't you care
about the baby?" As soon as those words were out Quatre noticed what
Dorothy was doing.
Dorothy mercilessly beat her stomach with a large lead pipe several
times before she noticed Quatre staring
at her.., "Huh, what?" She looked up sheepishly
"Quatre Raberba Winner! Don't you DARE patronize me! And don't you
dare bring
the baby into this mess! I've been carrying it for 8 months; I know
EXACTLY how to
handle it!" Dorothy finished belligerently, daring Quatre to argue.
Needless to say, Quatre gave up.
elsewhere...
"Hey Dad! Can I pilot your suit? Huh? Can I? It looks so
awesome!"
"Jericho Maxwell! Get back here!"
"But Mo-om..."
"You idiot, you can't pilot a gundam, you are just a rubber ball."
Duo winced. He had never seen Hilde this angry. "I guess this can
get to even
the most relaxed of us," he thought wearily. But then he realized
Hilde always had a bad temper. He still couldn't
believe the hectic
three years were over, and tomorrow was the day. All during those
three years, they'd been
frantically planning, getting back into shape, re-memorizing the
various codes, digging up
old documents that would serve no purpose at all...And it didn't help
that the general public was in a frenzy.
Relena
spent almost no time at home. She was either rudely yelling at the
people to remain calm or
helping Dorothy prepare the space station for their base.
"It's a wonder we all haven't gone gray overnight," Duo thought.
Next to him, Hilde ran her hand through her silver gray hair and
tried to ignore the sulky
looks of her rubber ball.
"I don't even know myself anymore," she sighed to herself. "I can't
believe this is really happening. For the past three years, I've
been hoping I would wake up
from this nightmare, but now, seeing these gundams, I know that this
is no dream."
"Well maybe the gundams are part of the dream. It's not like they are
only allowed to be seen in real life you
know.... wait! You saw Deathscythe???"
"Yea... I've seen it like a million times..."
"Ahh! You must go to hell now! You saw me!" Duo said as he reached for
some large object with which he
could strike Hilde over the head with.
elsewhere...
Wufei was meditating in a clearing. He had moved his belongings up
to the
station a long time ago because he is really anal, and had already
tested his new suit, which had already been
christened Nataku, gee, what a surprise, not. Though he appeared
calm on the
outside, inside, he was full of internal organs. He hadn't been the
same since the day he found out Sally Po
had been on that satellite, and had obviously died when it exploded.
From then, he had sworn to
kill the mysterious pilot responsible for her death, since he wanted
to be the one to bring that cursed woman to
her end. Even though they had separated a long time ago, Sally finding
his chauvinistic ideas just too difficult to deal
with, he still
felt an attachment to her, an attachment that he wanted to kill over
and over again. He could remember how he
had raged at the pilot at first,
then frantically joined the other Preventers in an effort to find out
any information about this
organization.
When that failed, he quit his job and instead spent the rest of his
time honing
his skills. Now, that Wufei can make some darn good pancakes. Plus,
he had a nagging feeling about the other
mobile suit that just wouldn't
go away.
"It's called Tinky Winky..." Wufei mused, and shuddered. "Sounds like
the name of a mighty war god or
something..." Just the name of the suit
was enough to bring back memories he had forgotten, memories he
hadn't ever shared
with anyone, not even Sally.
Had not realized this "clearing" he was in was actually some strange
man's backyard. He was reminded of
this when a fat, sweaty man walked by, pushing a very loud lawnmower.
"INJUSTICE!!!!" he exploded, he was very angered about this man
jerking him out of his comatose state with
that newfangled contraption's unbearable noise.
"For what you've done, I swear I will kill you!"
elsewhere...
"Mariemaia! You are NOT coming with me!"
"Oh yes I am!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"Mariemaia, I'm your mother now!" Lady Une exploded. It was quite
messy and left Mariemaia covered in bits of
Lady Une.
"Whoopie! I'm free!!" Mariemaia cheered. She then realized that Lady
Une's explosion just took out a large
chunk of chapter five.
"Looks like I'll just have to argue with myself now..." Though
Mariemaia. She then continued with her raging
dispute against Lady Une's orders. "Yes, you're my mother now; I don't
deny that. But that doesn't mean you
always know what's best for me! And what's best for me right now is to
be able to go with you!" Mariemaia shot back
with clenched fists.
Mariemaia jumped over to where Lady Une had been standing and
massaged her temples; they had begun
arguing about this issue ever
since the day the speaker had issued his challenge. "Mariemaia," she
began calmly, but was abruptly cut off as she
jumped back, taking on the role as herself again. She decided jumping
was too hard so she fashioned a Lady
Une hand puppet out of a sock and some string.
"LISTEN TO ME! I'm NOT a little girl anymore! I'm a teenager; I
know exactly what's going on! Staying here on
Earth isn't going to help; I'll just worry myself sick! Don't you want
me to be as happy as possible?! Don't you want
me to be by your side?!" Mariemaia finished as the first tears began
squeezing out of her eyes.
"No I don't! Go away!" said Sock Puppet Une.
"I WANT TO GO!! I can take care of myself; you made sure of that. I
can use firearms, I can even pilot a Taurus
mobile suit. I can outrun most people, and not just in my own age
group but in my "special" abilities group too.
And I've also been getting myself into shape for these past years!
Lookie! I'm a triangle! PLEASE! Let... me...GO!"
Finally, Lady Une couldn't take it anymore. She broke down crying,
just like her daughter, who did her best to hug
the sock puppet.
"Fine," Sock Puppet Une choked through her imaginary tears. "Fine,
you win. I'll let you go."
"Booya, bitch! Who's the winner now?!" Mariemaia yelled in the sock
puppets face. She then followed
through with a nicely choreographed victory dance, ending with
Mariemaia spiking the sock puppet down
into the ground, landing on her knees, pulling her shirt off, and
swinging it around above her head.
elsewhere...
"Zechs, is it really best for Reena and Aelis to come?" Noin began
worridly.
"They're only six feet tall."
Glancing up from packing, Zechs said, somewhat ruefully, "Haven't you
seen Mariemaia argue with Lady Une? You
know Reena and Aelis are just as strong-willed."
"But Lady Une was a sock puppet. Besides, she is older than us too."
"What else CAN we do? We don't know if they'll attack the Earth when
we're in space. Chances are, the twins are
safer with us, seeing as how we are targets for an attack."
Noin sighed. "I know that you're right, but I'm so worried! What if
they
attack the space station when we're not there?"
Zechs stood up. "What if this, what if that. There are thousands of
things that could happen, all of which would
endanger the twins. Yes, they could attack the station; they could
infect it with rabid Brazilian midgets for all I care.
Really Lucrezia, I'm speaking hypothetically!" he said when he saw the
shocked expression on her face. "All I'm
saying is that the twins will be SOMEWHAT safer in space with us rather
than Earth away from us, where we'd have
no idea what'd be going on. Try to calm down," he said, going over to
massage her shoulders.
"We still have one day."
The Gundam pilots and their friends weren't the only ones preparing.
Somewhere, hidden in space, the mysterious pilot was staring at the
Tinky Winky since he couldn't figure out
how to get its door open. "Let the games begin Tinky Winky," the
figure whispered and held up a bat to the
unruly doors.
three years later...
Relena-tron 5000 wearily glanced at herself in the hallway mirror,
which caused it to shatter all over the floor.
"Tomorrow is my three
year wedding anniversary, and the beginning of yet another
struggle...I'm so scared.
What a fine way for the date of my wedding to go down in history."
"Mommy?" said a small voice, and Relena looked down at two-year-old
Faggot Buttface Darlian Peacecraft Yuy.
"What is it sweetie?"
"Mommy, why is everyone so sad?" the perceptive child asked.
"Why does she have to be smart?" Relena thought in confusion. She
couldn't see how such a brilliant child
came from her genes.
"Cows go moo-moo!!" the child prodigy added and her mother was aghast
at her overwhelming intelligence.
"Why does she have to have her child-like innocence gone so soon?"
Relena thought with envy of little Jerry. Not
so little anymore. Jerry was now six feet tall, as were Reena and
Aelis. Even though they were genetic freaks
they were still well liked by everyone. But even now, Jerry hadn't
lost his cheerful personality. Which is rather
amazing considering all he was was a rubber ball attached to Hilde's
ankle by way of a string "Just like his
"father","
Relena thought ruefully. "That's good; we'll need someone to cheer
us up from now on."
"Why mommy?"
Relena swore very loudly. "Damn! Did I just say that out loud?" she
thought wearily. "Whoops did it again." But she shocked herself out
of her daze and reached out for her child, who ran away from her in
terror.
"Things are going to be a little difficult from now on, Fag. But you
don't
worry about it okay? Let Daddy and me take care of it?"
"Will you and Daddy be okay?" the child shouted from behind a large
crate.
Relena hesitated, then forced a fake smile, "Of course not sweetie,
gee and I thought you were smart."
elsewhere... (hahaha we aren't going to tell you where but it is
somewhere else)
"So what do you think? Good thing we have all this technology now,
or there's
no way I could have finished all your gundams in time, eh?" Howard
said, wiping sweat
from his brow. He had gained quite a few pounds since the Endless
Waltz thingy. (Which by the way contains
no waltzing whatsoever and is not endless. Those mean writers were just
trying to trick us! Speaking of never
ending dancing, be sure to check out the new movie, Ongoing Conga in
the Shrub of Great Strength, coming
to theaters soon! This one is no lie! There actually will be both
dancing and shrubbery!)
Heero didn't look at his old friend but continued to study the
lined-up suits.
He listed them mentally in his mind: Wing Gundam II, Deathscythe II,
Incredibly Overweight Woman with
Heavyarms II, Sandrock II, Altron II, and Epyon II.
"I know the names aren't exactly original, but hey, that's the least
of our
concerns huh?" Howard said apologetically, trying to jar the younger
man out of his
daydream. "Hey Heero, you still there?"
"Did you install the Zero system in all of them?"
"WHAT?! Are you insane?" Howard howled at the moon then did a little
dance. "Sure, I installed them in Wing II
and Epyon II, but you know what the Zero system did to the rest of you
guys, right? It
nearly drove them nuts! Well, just Quatre any way, but he's fruity so
who cares? Plus, none of you have
handled an MS in four years...right?" he finished, throwing Heero a
suspicious glance.
"Do it anyway," Heero said flatly. "We don't have a choice."
"Fine fine," Howard muttered, turning back to the gundams. "Heero,
you really
believe this guy's serious? I mean okay!" he said, throwing up his
hands in defense
when Heero fixed him with a glare. "Sure they blew up a satellite
with civilians on it, and sure
they've got firepower, but how powerful is the PILOT? Is he even
strong enough to push the buttons? A mobile
suit is no good without a
good pilot, as I'm sure you know."
"No shit, Howard. This guy's good."
Howard heaved a sigh. "Okay Heero. Whatever you say. I'll install
the Zero systems."
Heero nodded, and turned to leave, then hesitated.
"Howard, what improvements did you make on the gundams?"
Howard shrugged and said, "Sorry Heero, I couldn't really do much,
not in three
years. Cause I'm really slow, dumb and blind in my right eye.
Remember, Relena's stupid disarmament plan
included the destruction of all the data on the
gundams. So basically, your gundams really suck now, and my memory's
not so good these days you know...But
I did add a nifty little function that would disable the Zero system
with a push
of a button," he said smugly. "And besides, it's probably better if
you six are fighting gundams
you are all familiar with. I made these guys carbon copies of the
originals. Even though I just said I had no record
of the old ones so they are just from my really crapped up memory so
I'm not sure if they can even fly."
Heero stopped, thought for a moment, and then left.
elsewhere...
"Trowa, you will be careful won't you? You won't try to self-
detonate again
right?"
"How many times must I tell you?! That's Heero's job you ignorant
circus woman!" shouted Trowa.
Catherine had been anxious, while helping Trowa move the last of his
things into
Quatre's private home in space. Trowa didn't respond. Cathrine
sighed, then said, "Okay Trowa,
I know that's probably too much to ask from you, but at least, will
you make sure not to
self-detonate until you know you have no other choice whatsoever?"
Trowa paused in his work and turned to regard the woman he had come
to think of
as a sister, then said, "No! I'm not your brother anymore! Go away!".
Cathrine smiled in relief. "Well, that's
good. I guess
that's the most I'll be able to get out of you anyway."
elsewhere...
"Dorothy, are you sure you want to come? It's dangerous, you're
pregnant,
and-" Quatre faded as Dorothy shot him with a gun. "Well," he said
lamely, "don't you care
about the baby?" As soon as those words were out Quatre noticed what
Dorothy was doing.
Dorothy mercilessly beat her stomach with a large lead pipe several
times before she noticed Quatre staring
at her.., "Huh, what?" She looked up sheepishly
"Quatre Raberba Winner! Don't you DARE patronize me! And don't you
dare bring
the baby into this mess! I've been carrying it for 8 months; I know
EXACTLY how to
handle it!" Dorothy finished belligerently, daring Quatre to argue.
Needless to say, Quatre gave up.
elsewhere...
"Hey Dad! Can I pilot your suit? Huh? Can I? It looks so
awesome!"
"Jericho Maxwell! Get back here!"
"But Mo-om..."
"You idiot, you can't pilot a gundam, you are just a rubber ball."
Duo winced. He had never seen Hilde this angry. "I guess this can
get to even
the most relaxed of us," he thought wearily. But then he realized
Hilde always had a bad temper. He still couldn't
believe the hectic
three years were over, and tomorrow was the day. All during those
three years, they'd been
frantically planning, getting back into shape, re-memorizing the
various codes, digging up
old documents that would serve no purpose at all...And it didn't help
that the general public was in a frenzy.
Relena
spent almost no time at home. She was either rudely yelling at the
people to remain calm or
helping Dorothy prepare the space station for their base.
"It's a wonder we all haven't gone gray overnight," Duo thought.
Next to him, Hilde ran her hand through her silver gray hair and
tried to ignore the sulky
looks of her rubber ball.
"I don't even know myself anymore," she sighed to herself. "I can't
believe this is really happening. For the past three years, I've
been hoping I would wake up
from this nightmare, but now, seeing these gundams, I know that this
is no dream."
"Well maybe the gundams are part of the dream. It's not like they are
only allowed to be seen in real life you
know.... wait! You saw Deathscythe???"
"Yea... I've seen it like a million times..."
"Ahh! You must go to hell now! You saw me!" Duo said as he reached for
some large object with which he
could strike Hilde over the head with.
elsewhere...
Wufei was meditating in a clearing. He had moved his belongings up
to the
station a long time ago because he is really anal, and had already
tested his new suit, which had already been
christened Nataku, gee, what a surprise, not. Though he appeared
calm on the
outside, inside, he was full of internal organs. He hadn't been the
same since the day he found out Sally Po
had been on that satellite, and had obviously died when it exploded.
From then, he had sworn to
kill the mysterious pilot responsible for her death, since he wanted
to be the one to bring that cursed woman to
her end. Even though they had separated a long time ago, Sally finding
his chauvinistic ideas just too difficult to deal
with, he still
felt an attachment to her, an attachment that he wanted to kill over
and over again. He could remember how he
had raged at the pilot at first,
then frantically joined the other Preventers in an effort to find out
any information about this
organization.
When that failed, he quit his job and instead spent the rest of his
time honing
his skills. Now, that Wufei can make some darn good pancakes. Plus,
he had a nagging feeling about the other
mobile suit that just wouldn't
go away.
"It's called Tinky Winky..." Wufei mused, and shuddered. "Sounds like
the name of a mighty war god or
something..." Just the name of the suit
was enough to bring back memories he had forgotten, memories he
hadn't ever shared
with anyone, not even Sally.
Had not realized this "clearing" he was in was actually some strange
man's backyard. He was reminded of
this when a fat, sweaty man walked by, pushing a very loud lawnmower.
"INJUSTICE!!!!" he exploded, he was very angered about this man
jerking him out of his comatose state with
that newfangled contraption's unbearable noise.
"For what you've done, I swear I will kill you!"
elsewhere...
"Mariemaia! You are NOT coming with me!"
"Oh yes I am!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"Mariemaia, I'm your mother now!" Lady Une exploded. It was quite
messy and left Mariemaia covered in bits of
Lady Une.
"Whoopie! I'm free!!" Mariemaia cheered. She then realized that Lady
Une's explosion just took out a large
chunk of chapter five.
"Looks like I'll just have to argue with myself now..." Though
Mariemaia. She then continued with her raging
dispute against Lady Une's orders. "Yes, you're my mother now; I don't
deny that. But that doesn't mean you
always know what's best for me! And what's best for me right now is to
be able to go with you!" Mariemaia shot back
with clenched fists.
Mariemaia jumped over to where Lady Une had been standing and
massaged her temples; they had begun
arguing about this issue ever
since the day the speaker had issued his challenge. "Mariemaia," she
began calmly, but was abruptly cut off as she
jumped back, taking on the role as herself again. She decided jumping
was too hard so she fashioned a Lady
Une hand puppet out of a sock and some string.
"LISTEN TO ME! I'm NOT a little girl anymore! I'm a teenager; I
know exactly what's going on! Staying here on
Earth isn't going to help; I'll just worry myself sick! Don't you want
me to be as happy as possible?! Don't you want
me to be by your side?!" Mariemaia finished as the first tears began
squeezing out of her eyes.
"No I don't! Go away!" said Sock Puppet Une.
"I WANT TO GO!! I can take care of myself; you made sure of that. I
can use firearms, I can even pilot a Taurus
mobile suit. I can outrun most people, and not just in my own age
group but in my "special" abilities group too.
And I've also been getting myself into shape for these past years!
Lookie! I'm a triangle! PLEASE! Let... me...GO!"
Finally, Lady Une couldn't take it anymore. She broke down crying,
just like her daughter, who did her best to hug
the sock puppet.
"Fine," Sock Puppet Une choked through her imaginary tears. "Fine,
you win. I'll let you go."
"Booya, bitch! Who's the winner now?!" Mariemaia yelled in the sock
puppets face. She then followed
through with a nicely choreographed victory dance, ending with
Mariemaia spiking the sock puppet down
into the ground, landing on her knees, pulling her shirt off, and
swinging it around above her head.
elsewhere...
"Zechs, is it really best for Reena and Aelis to come?" Noin began
worridly.
"They're only six feet tall."
Glancing up from packing, Zechs said, somewhat ruefully, "Haven't you
seen Mariemaia argue with Lady Une? You
know Reena and Aelis are just as strong-willed."
"But Lady Une was a sock puppet. Besides, she is older than us too."
"What else CAN we do? We don't know if they'll attack the Earth when
we're in space. Chances are, the twins are
safer with us, seeing as how we are targets for an attack."
Noin sighed. "I know that you're right, but I'm so worried! What if
they
attack the space station when we're not there?"
Zechs stood up. "What if this, what if that. There are thousands of
things that could happen, all of which would
endanger the twins. Yes, they could attack the station; they could
infect it with rabid Brazilian midgets for all I care.
Really Lucrezia, I'm speaking hypothetically!" he said when he saw the
shocked expression on her face. "All I'm
saying is that the twins will be SOMEWHAT safer in space with us rather
than Earth away from us, where we'd have
no idea what'd be going on. Try to calm down," he said, going over to
massage her shoulders.
"We still have one day."
The Gundam pilots and their friends weren't the only ones preparing.
Somewhere, hidden in space, the mysterious pilot was staring at the
Tinky Winky since he couldn't figure out
how to get its door open. "Let the games begin Tinky Winky," the
figure whispered and held up a bat to the
unruly doors.