*** I don't know anyone in this story. I don't own the WWF or the song used in this fic. I'm not making any money off of it though. The song I use is "Complicated" by Carolyn Dawn Johnson. This fic is also a companion piece to "You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This", it actually starts during the last part of that fic, just with Trish's POV. Enjoy! ***
*** Trish Stratus' POV ***
// I'm so scared that the way that I feel
Is written all over my face
When you walk into the room
I wanna find a hiding place //
My palms were sweaty. I felt like a teenager all over. It's ridiculous to feel this way. I'm a grown woman. I am an independent woman. Yet, I feel like I'm sixteen again, waiting for my first date to come pick me up. I can't even twist my hair nervously because it's in a ponytail.
I was afraid Jeff would be able to see that I'm so infatuated with him the moment he walked into the gym. I would do almost anything to be near him. I've tried so hard to become his friend, hoping the longer I'm around him, the more likely it is that he will realize we would be good together.
I wiped my palms on my warm-up pants. The last thing I need for him to notice are my sweaty palms. Oh man, he's so handsome. But not in the conventional way. I have it bad. I hope it isn't too obvious.
//We used to laugh
We used to hug
The way that old friends do //
"Teach me everything I need to know," I said, trying to convince Jeff I was enthusiastic about lesson he was giving me. I really did want to learn more, mostly so I could kick Torrie Wilson's ass. And it gave me a chance to be around Jeff.
"I think you already know all you need to know," Jeff said.
Oh God, he thought all I needed to know was how to flaunt my body and I could get whatever I wanted. He really was like everyone else in the Federation who shunned me and called me a slut behind my back. It hurt to think he wasn't all that different from everyone else.
//But now a smile and a touch of your hand
Makes me come unglued //
"Are you not going to train me then?" I asked uncertainly. I guess he wasn't really obligated to.
"I'll train," Jeff replied. "But you know the basics."
"Okay," I replied. I was relieved. He wasn't talking about how I could use my body if I wanted and not ever have to actually learn any skills. "Where do we start?"
"How about a leg drop like Matt does?" he asked, climbing onto the turnbuckle. We proceeded to train.
// Is that your contradiction?
Do I lie or tell the truth?
Is it fact or fiction?
The way I feel for you. //
It's great to be around Jeff. It's so damn hard to be around Jeff. I've had crushes before. I've had relationships before. But I've never felt like this before. I feel dizzy, but wonderful, when I'm with Jeff.
I'm so scared that he will never return the feelings I have. I like him so much, but I know there is a possibility that he will never feel that way about me and I will have to be satisfied with friendship. How in the world would I handle that?
It would be hard to accept though. Let's face it, there has never been a man I wanted that I couldn't get. I'm not always proud of the men I want or the lengths I go through to get them. But I am a woman who gets what she wants.
What if Jeff is the one man I truly want and can't have?
//It's so complicated
I'm so frustrated //
"I think I can handle that," I said uncertainly. He was trying to explain how to do a huricurana.
"I'm sure you can," Jeff said. He meant it. I could see it in his eyes. He believed in me. Granted, he believed I could learn a wrestling move, but it was a start. "It'll be the last thing we do today."
"Okay," I said, taking a deep breath as I climbed onto the turnbuckle.
We worked on the move for about forty-five minutes. I had learned how to do a leg-drop, the Twist of Fate, a sleeper hold (everyone needs to know at least one submission move according to Jeff), and the huricurana.
"That was pretty good," Jeff said.
"I'm not Lita," I said as I collapsed on the ring mat, "but I'm learning."
"That's what matters," Jeff said, lying down on the mat.
"I can't believe it's been three hours," I said.
"It was fun," Jeff said.
// I wanna hold you close
I wanna push you away
I wanna make you go
I wanna make you stay //
"Can we do this on a regular basis?" I asked. I watched him as he looked up at the ceiling of the gym.
"Well, sure," Jeff said. "But soon you're going to know all I know and I won't be any help then."
"Sure you will," I said sarcastically. I continued softly "You inspire me. Plus I will never be able to do a swanton."
"Never say never," Jeff replied. Then he looked at me, his eyes all soft and beautiful, "I inspire you?"
"Yeah," I said softly, loving the way he was looking at me "You put yourself on the line all the time. You love wrestling and you're an innovator. Even JR says so."
"Thanks," Jeff said, looking serious all of a sudden. "That really means a lot to me."
"Really?" I asked.
//Should I say it?
Should I tell you how I feel? //
"Yeah," Jeff replied. His voice was husky and just too inviting.
I leaned over towards him and brushed my lips against his. The kiss deepened and somehow I ended up in his lap. I didn't mind, it was pretty wonderful. He was definitely kissing me back this time. But what if he knew how I felt and he just felt sorry for me?
I was out of his lap in a flash. I heard myself apologizing and I was out of the ring before you could say swanton. I knew my face was flaming red, I was so embarrassed. I had once again made an ass of myself over Jeff Hardy.
I just needed to get out of the gym.
//Oh, I want you to know,
But then again I don't
It's so complicated. //
"Trish!" Jeff called. There was something in his voice. It sounded like desperation almost.
"What?" I asked, turning around.
"Stop apologizing for kissing me," Jeff said. He was coming toward me and he was smiling. Oh God, he has a beautiful smile. I felt my insides turning to mush.
He liked me, if you could believe that. Jeff Hardy liked trashy Trish Stratus. I think I should just pray for God to kill me now so I could die happy. It's so wonderful to know your emotions are being reciprocated, especially by Jeff Hardy.
//Just when I think I'm under control
I think I finally got a grip
Another friend tells me
My name is always on your lips //
*** Three months later ***
"Trish!" Lita called. I could safely say, Lita is the best friend I have ever had. It makes me so glad that we made the effort. Sure, it was initially for Matt and Jeff's sake, but now I think we honestly consider each other friends.
"What?" I asked, slipping a patent leather jacket over my wrestling attire.
"I'm ready to kick a little ass," Lita said. "I can't believe Chyna is teaming with that little bitch Terri."
"I can't believe Terri is trying to take Matt from you," I replied.
"Yeah, well, it seems to be some kind of fad or something," Lita said.
"I hope it never happens with Jeff," I said.
"Yeah," Lita said softly, her voice soft.
// They say I'm more than just a friend
They say I must be blind
Well, I admit I've seen you watch me
From the corner of your eye. //
"What the hell was that?" I asked. I did not believe what I was seeing on the screen.
"Maybe she just wants to piss you off," Lita said weakly. We were recovering from our encounter with Chyna and Terri.
"How could he let her lay her lips on him?" I asked, enraged.
"I don't know," Lita said.
"What is it with women with the name Tori?" I asked, "Does stupidity run in the name?"
"I personally wouldn't want to be my brother for the next five minutes," Matt said. "You want us to leave?"
"Do you want a dead brother?" I asked.
// Oh, it's so confusing
I wish you'd just confess
But think of what I'd be losing
If your answer wasn't yes. //
"Hey guys," Jeff said as he sneaked into the dressing room.
"Hey Jeff," Matt said uncomfortably.
"Hey," Lita said, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Have you guys seen-"
"Hi Jeff," I said, faking enthusiasm. He turned towards me. There was an apology written all over his face. But I wasn't ready to let him off the hook.
"Hey baby," he said. He walked across the room to embrace me. I crossed my arms over my chest so he couldn't reach around me. "Hey, she kissed me. I didn't even know she was back in the Federation or anything."
"That's really sweet," I said. "You could have at least pulled away."
"I was shocked!" Jeff said. "Like when you kissed me the first time."
//It's so complicated
I'm so frustrated //
"He's the most arrogant, conceited, idiotic BOY I have ever met," I raved. "How could he compare a kiss from Tori to a kiss from me?"
"I don't know Trish," Lita said. She had followed me when I stormed out the dressing room. "He's a guy, you know how thoughtless they are."
"Yeah," I sighed. "But, I don't know."
"What's wrong?" Lita asked.
"I think I'm in love with him," I said softly. "But I don't know if he feels that strongly about me."
"There's only one way to find out Trish," Lita said.
"I know," I said. "But what if he doesn't feel that way?"
// I wanna hold you close
I wanna push you away
I wanna make you go
I wanna make you stay //
"I'm surprised you're even letting me in the room," Jeff said. "I thought you might have had the locks changed at the front desk or something."
"No," I answered.
"Look," Jeff said, taking one of my hands in his. "I didn't know she was going to kiss me. I'm sorry it happened. And she wasn't near as good a kisser as you are."
"Well, I could have told you that," I said, smiling a little.
"I'm sorry if I hurt you," Jeff said. "I didn't want to at all."
"I know," I sighed.
"Forgive me?" Jeff asked, his eyes getting that warm, soft look again.
"You didn't really do anything," I said. "Of course I forgive you."
He was about to kiss me, but I pulled away. "Have you brushed your teeth yet?"
"Yeah," Jeff said. "Three times."
I smiled at him as he pulled me close and kissed me. It was a great kiss. Make-up kisses always are.
// Should I say it?
Should I tell you how I feel? //
It was the perfect time to say it. Just whisper, "Jeff, I love you."
But I couldn't. It didn't feel like the right time. I didn't want to put myself on the line if I wasn't going to hear the same words back. I didn't want to be the only one risking my heart.
So I let him hold me close as we fell to sleep that night. I stayed up all night, wrestling with my decision.
On one hand, I was in love with Jeff. And people should know when they are loved. Love doesn't want to stay inside, for no one to see.
On the other hand, if Jeff doesn't love me back, it might scare him away. Then he might never like me. And he might not love me back. One-sided love sucks.
Then again, he might love me.
// Oh, I want you to know,
But then again I don't
It's so complicated. //
"What is it?" Jeff asked at about three in the morning.
"What are you talking about?" I asked. Trying to pretend I wasn't wide-awake.
"Why have you been tossing and turning all night long?" Jeff asked.
"Insomnia I guess," I answered weakly.
"You can say you don't know," Jeff said coolly, "but don't lie to me. You don't have insomnia."
"I know," I replied. "I don't know why I can't sleep."
"Do you want to rent a movie on the TV?" Jeff asked.
"No," I replied. "You go ahead and get some sleep. I'll go to the all-night restaurant across the street."
"You don't have to leave," Jeff said.
"I know," I said, leaving anyway.
// I hate it
Cause I've waited for so long
For someone like you //
I looked into my coffee. The cream swirled in the coffee. It didn't taste good to me. I don't know why. Maybe because I felt like I was hiding something from Jeff.
Jeff is the greatest guy I have ever met. He doesn't care about my past. All he cares about is the fact that I've changed and I care for him. He doesn't give me crap for the decisions I've made in the past. And he cares about me, not my body or the opportunities I might be able to offer him.
It's been a long time since a guy wanted me for me. I'm so sick of guys drooling all over me. Jeff makes me remember there's a person inside of my body. I feel like he can look at me and peer past all of my insecurities and see the real me.
But I don't know how to tell him that I love him. I don't know how to put myself on the line like that.
// What do I do?
Should I say it?
Should I tell you how I feel? //
"Hey," Jeff said, as he slid into the booth. He was sitting across from me.
"Why aren't you sleeping?" I asked, looking down at my coffee again.
"Because I was worried about you Trish," Jeff said.
"Don't worry about me," I said.
"It's a part of the job description," Jeff said.
"Job description?" I asked.
"You know... your boyfriend," Jeff said.
"Oh," I said softly.
"Trish, tell me what's wrong," Jeff said.
//Oh, I want you to know
But then again I don't
It's so complicated. //
"There's something I want to tell you," I said. "But I'm not sure how you'll react."
"I'm sure it's nothing too bad," Jeff said.
"Oh, it's not bad," I said. "But you might not want to hear it."
"Trish, I love you," Jeff said. "I want to hear whatever is on your mind."
"You what?" I asked in shock.
"I love you," Jeff said.
"I love you too," I said. "I was so afraid to tell you."
"Why?" Jeff asked.
"I was afraid you didn't love me too," I replied, blushing.
"I see," Jeff said. "And that's why you couldn't sleep?"
"Yeah," I said.
"That's pretty silly," he said.
"I know," I replied.
"What do you say we go back to the hotel and get some sleep?" Jeff asked.
"Sounds great," I said, giving my hand to him.
*** Trish Stratus' POV ***
// I'm so scared that the way that I feel
Is written all over my face
When you walk into the room
I wanna find a hiding place //
My palms were sweaty. I felt like a teenager all over. It's ridiculous to feel this way. I'm a grown woman. I am an independent woman. Yet, I feel like I'm sixteen again, waiting for my first date to come pick me up. I can't even twist my hair nervously because it's in a ponytail.
I was afraid Jeff would be able to see that I'm so infatuated with him the moment he walked into the gym. I would do almost anything to be near him. I've tried so hard to become his friend, hoping the longer I'm around him, the more likely it is that he will realize we would be good together.
I wiped my palms on my warm-up pants. The last thing I need for him to notice are my sweaty palms. Oh man, he's so handsome. But not in the conventional way. I have it bad. I hope it isn't too obvious.
//We used to laugh
We used to hug
The way that old friends do //
"Teach me everything I need to know," I said, trying to convince Jeff I was enthusiastic about lesson he was giving me. I really did want to learn more, mostly so I could kick Torrie Wilson's ass. And it gave me a chance to be around Jeff.
"I think you already know all you need to know," Jeff said.
Oh God, he thought all I needed to know was how to flaunt my body and I could get whatever I wanted. He really was like everyone else in the Federation who shunned me and called me a slut behind my back. It hurt to think he wasn't all that different from everyone else.
//But now a smile and a touch of your hand
Makes me come unglued //
"Are you not going to train me then?" I asked uncertainly. I guess he wasn't really obligated to.
"I'll train," Jeff replied. "But you know the basics."
"Okay," I replied. I was relieved. He wasn't talking about how I could use my body if I wanted and not ever have to actually learn any skills. "Where do we start?"
"How about a leg drop like Matt does?" he asked, climbing onto the turnbuckle. We proceeded to train.
// Is that your contradiction?
Do I lie or tell the truth?
Is it fact or fiction?
The way I feel for you. //
It's great to be around Jeff. It's so damn hard to be around Jeff. I've had crushes before. I've had relationships before. But I've never felt like this before. I feel dizzy, but wonderful, when I'm with Jeff.
I'm so scared that he will never return the feelings I have. I like him so much, but I know there is a possibility that he will never feel that way about me and I will have to be satisfied with friendship. How in the world would I handle that?
It would be hard to accept though. Let's face it, there has never been a man I wanted that I couldn't get. I'm not always proud of the men I want or the lengths I go through to get them. But I am a woman who gets what she wants.
What if Jeff is the one man I truly want and can't have?
//It's so complicated
I'm so frustrated //
"I think I can handle that," I said uncertainly. He was trying to explain how to do a huricurana.
"I'm sure you can," Jeff said. He meant it. I could see it in his eyes. He believed in me. Granted, he believed I could learn a wrestling move, but it was a start. "It'll be the last thing we do today."
"Okay," I said, taking a deep breath as I climbed onto the turnbuckle.
We worked on the move for about forty-five minutes. I had learned how to do a leg-drop, the Twist of Fate, a sleeper hold (everyone needs to know at least one submission move according to Jeff), and the huricurana.
"That was pretty good," Jeff said.
"I'm not Lita," I said as I collapsed on the ring mat, "but I'm learning."
"That's what matters," Jeff said, lying down on the mat.
"I can't believe it's been three hours," I said.
"It was fun," Jeff said.
// I wanna hold you close
I wanna push you away
I wanna make you go
I wanna make you stay //
"Can we do this on a regular basis?" I asked. I watched him as he looked up at the ceiling of the gym.
"Well, sure," Jeff said. "But soon you're going to know all I know and I won't be any help then."
"Sure you will," I said sarcastically. I continued softly "You inspire me. Plus I will never be able to do a swanton."
"Never say never," Jeff replied. Then he looked at me, his eyes all soft and beautiful, "I inspire you?"
"Yeah," I said softly, loving the way he was looking at me "You put yourself on the line all the time. You love wrestling and you're an innovator. Even JR says so."
"Thanks," Jeff said, looking serious all of a sudden. "That really means a lot to me."
"Really?" I asked.
//Should I say it?
Should I tell you how I feel? //
"Yeah," Jeff replied. His voice was husky and just too inviting.
I leaned over towards him and brushed my lips against his. The kiss deepened and somehow I ended up in his lap. I didn't mind, it was pretty wonderful. He was definitely kissing me back this time. But what if he knew how I felt and he just felt sorry for me?
I was out of his lap in a flash. I heard myself apologizing and I was out of the ring before you could say swanton. I knew my face was flaming red, I was so embarrassed. I had once again made an ass of myself over Jeff Hardy.
I just needed to get out of the gym.
//Oh, I want you to know,
But then again I don't
It's so complicated. //
"Trish!" Jeff called. There was something in his voice. It sounded like desperation almost.
"What?" I asked, turning around.
"Stop apologizing for kissing me," Jeff said. He was coming toward me and he was smiling. Oh God, he has a beautiful smile. I felt my insides turning to mush.
He liked me, if you could believe that. Jeff Hardy liked trashy Trish Stratus. I think I should just pray for God to kill me now so I could die happy. It's so wonderful to know your emotions are being reciprocated, especially by Jeff Hardy.
//Just when I think I'm under control
I think I finally got a grip
Another friend tells me
My name is always on your lips //
*** Three months later ***
"Trish!" Lita called. I could safely say, Lita is the best friend I have ever had. It makes me so glad that we made the effort. Sure, it was initially for Matt and Jeff's sake, but now I think we honestly consider each other friends.
"What?" I asked, slipping a patent leather jacket over my wrestling attire.
"I'm ready to kick a little ass," Lita said. "I can't believe Chyna is teaming with that little bitch Terri."
"I can't believe Terri is trying to take Matt from you," I replied.
"Yeah, well, it seems to be some kind of fad or something," Lita said.
"I hope it never happens with Jeff," I said.
"Yeah," Lita said softly, her voice soft.
// They say I'm more than just a friend
They say I must be blind
Well, I admit I've seen you watch me
From the corner of your eye. //
"What the hell was that?" I asked. I did not believe what I was seeing on the screen.
"Maybe she just wants to piss you off," Lita said weakly. We were recovering from our encounter with Chyna and Terri.
"How could he let her lay her lips on him?" I asked, enraged.
"I don't know," Lita said.
"What is it with women with the name Tori?" I asked, "Does stupidity run in the name?"
"I personally wouldn't want to be my brother for the next five minutes," Matt said. "You want us to leave?"
"Do you want a dead brother?" I asked.
// Oh, it's so confusing
I wish you'd just confess
But think of what I'd be losing
If your answer wasn't yes. //
"Hey guys," Jeff said as he sneaked into the dressing room.
"Hey Jeff," Matt said uncomfortably.
"Hey," Lita said, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Have you guys seen-"
"Hi Jeff," I said, faking enthusiasm. He turned towards me. There was an apology written all over his face. But I wasn't ready to let him off the hook.
"Hey baby," he said. He walked across the room to embrace me. I crossed my arms over my chest so he couldn't reach around me. "Hey, she kissed me. I didn't even know she was back in the Federation or anything."
"That's really sweet," I said. "You could have at least pulled away."
"I was shocked!" Jeff said. "Like when you kissed me the first time."
//It's so complicated
I'm so frustrated //
"He's the most arrogant, conceited, idiotic BOY I have ever met," I raved. "How could he compare a kiss from Tori to a kiss from me?"
"I don't know Trish," Lita said. She had followed me when I stormed out the dressing room. "He's a guy, you know how thoughtless they are."
"Yeah," I sighed. "But, I don't know."
"What's wrong?" Lita asked.
"I think I'm in love with him," I said softly. "But I don't know if he feels that strongly about me."
"There's only one way to find out Trish," Lita said.
"I know," I said. "But what if he doesn't feel that way?"
// I wanna hold you close
I wanna push you away
I wanna make you go
I wanna make you stay //
"I'm surprised you're even letting me in the room," Jeff said. "I thought you might have had the locks changed at the front desk or something."
"No," I answered.
"Look," Jeff said, taking one of my hands in his. "I didn't know she was going to kiss me. I'm sorry it happened. And she wasn't near as good a kisser as you are."
"Well, I could have told you that," I said, smiling a little.
"I'm sorry if I hurt you," Jeff said. "I didn't want to at all."
"I know," I sighed.
"Forgive me?" Jeff asked, his eyes getting that warm, soft look again.
"You didn't really do anything," I said. "Of course I forgive you."
He was about to kiss me, but I pulled away. "Have you brushed your teeth yet?"
"Yeah," Jeff said. "Three times."
I smiled at him as he pulled me close and kissed me. It was a great kiss. Make-up kisses always are.
// Should I say it?
Should I tell you how I feel? //
It was the perfect time to say it. Just whisper, "Jeff, I love you."
But I couldn't. It didn't feel like the right time. I didn't want to put myself on the line if I wasn't going to hear the same words back. I didn't want to be the only one risking my heart.
So I let him hold me close as we fell to sleep that night. I stayed up all night, wrestling with my decision.
On one hand, I was in love with Jeff. And people should know when they are loved. Love doesn't want to stay inside, for no one to see.
On the other hand, if Jeff doesn't love me back, it might scare him away. Then he might never like me. And he might not love me back. One-sided love sucks.
Then again, he might love me.
// Oh, I want you to know,
But then again I don't
It's so complicated. //
"What is it?" Jeff asked at about three in the morning.
"What are you talking about?" I asked. Trying to pretend I wasn't wide-awake.
"Why have you been tossing and turning all night long?" Jeff asked.
"Insomnia I guess," I answered weakly.
"You can say you don't know," Jeff said coolly, "but don't lie to me. You don't have insomnia."
"I know," I replied. "I don't know why I can't sleep."
"Do you want to rent a movie on the TV?" Jeff asked.
"No," I replied. "You go ahead and get some sleep. I'll go to the all-night restaurant across the street."
"You don't have to leave," Jeff said.
"I know," I said, leaving anyway.
// I hate it
Cause I've waited for so long
For someone like you //
I looked into my coffee. The cream swirled in the coffee. It didn't taste good to me. I don't know why. Maybe because I felt like I was hiding something from Jeff.
Jeff is the greatest guy I have ever met. He doesn't care about my past. All he cares about is the fact that I've changed and I care for him. He doesn't give me crap for the decisions I've made in the past. And he cares about me, not my body or the opportunities I might be able to offer him.
It's been a long time since a guy wanted me for me. I'm so sick of guys drooling all over me. Jeff makes me remember there's a person inside of my body. I feel like he can look at me and peer past all of my insecurities and see the real me.
But I don't know how to tell him that I love him. I don't know how to put myself on the line like that.
// What do I do?
Should I say it?
Should I tell you how I feel? //
"Hey," Jeff said, as he slid into the booth. He was sitting across from me.
"Why aren't you sleeping?" I asked, looking down at my coffee again.
"Because I was worried about you Trish," Jeff said.
"Don't worry about me," I said.
"It's a part of the job description," Jeff said.
"Job description?" I asked.
"You know... your boyfriend," Jeff said.
"Oh," I said softly.
"Trish, tell me what's wrong," Jeff said.
//Oh, I want you to know
But then again I don't
It's so complicated. //
"There's something I want to tell you," I said. "But I'm not sure how you'll react."
"I'm sure it's nothing too bad," Jeff said.
"Oh, it's not bad," I said. "But you might not want to hear it."
"Trish, I love you," Jeff said. "I want to hear whatever is on your mind."
"You what?" I asked in shock.
"I love you," Jeff said.
"I love you too," I said. "I was so afraid to tell you."
"Why?" Jeff asked.
"I was afraid you didn't love me too," I replied, blushing.
"I see," Jeff said. "And that's why you couldn't sleep?"
"Yeah," I said.
"That's pretty silly," he said.
"I know," I replied.
"What do you say we go back to the hotel and get some sleep?" Jeff asked.
"Sounds great," I said, giving my hand to him.