DISCLAIMER: The lyrics are an excerpt from "Something More" by Train.
Chapter Eight
I just opened up my eyes
And let the world come climbing in
I rolled over in bed and stared at the glowing red numbers of my digital alarm clock. Nine o'clock! It was Thursday and that meant that rehearsal was in an hour, and I still had to get up, take a shower, get dressed, have breakfast, and be at the studio by ten. Then I remembered the events of yesterday—I quit. I really quit. What are you going to do now, Molly? But I already knew what I would do. I would be a real mother to Fiona and Jack now. It was months away, but we would have Christmas at home this year. Everything would be at home, at a real home. After all, this was my original plan after I "quit" the tour last year, wasn't it?
It's all better now
Things are gonna work somehow
If I just sleep another hour
And of course there was Carey. He was a big part of my life now. God, how I wish we didn't have to hide it. Why couldn't we just tell everyone? If they're really my friends, if they're really my family, then they'll understand. In my heart, I knew they wouldn't. And I knew I'd never muster the courage to tell them, in the fear that they'd try to take him away from me. Despite the sneaking around, the constant worrying, the ever-present doom that the second our lips meet, Fi or Jack or Irene or Ned will burst through the door or walk in the room or show up behind us—despite all that, it was easier this way. It was easier to hide away and still have each other, then to reveal ourselves and be split apart. We'd never have a normal relationship, but at least we'd still have one.
I sighed, my eyes falling upon the phone on my night table. Call him. What did I have to lose? He had a private line in his own room. Part of me didn't want to; after all what was I, some giddy teenager? It had been ages since I had called a boyfriend. And then it dawned on me that it was the first time I had actually made reference to Carey as my boyfriend, and it was a weird thought. But Carey was my boyfriend, and part of me did want to call him, just to hear his voice again… Before I had even had time to fight the urge, I snatched the phone from its holder and punched in the number in about a second's time. I held the phone to my ear, my heart beating wildly as I listened to the rings.
Tried to reach you at your mom's
Hey baby why you trying to keep away for so long?
Five, six, seven. Maybe he wasn't there. I was ready to slam down the phone in frustration when I heard his voice. "Hey."
"Carey, it's me, and I just—"
"I'm not here right now, but leave me a message after the tone and I'll get back to you." My heart sunk. And then I found myself having another debate: Should I leave him a message? Hang up? Try again later? This time, I didn't have time to decide. The long beep of the machine had made its decision for me.
"Hi, Carey, it's me. You're probably wondering why I'm calling you…" I wanted to bite my tongue; of course I would have to make a total fool of myself, wouldn't I? "I mean…" I sighed, at a loss of words again. "I just want to see you again, that's all. Soon." I paused, trying to think of something else, but my mind was blank as usual. "Well, call me back or feel free to come over. 'Bye." I hung up quickly, in fear that if I didn't do it a second sooner, I'd manage to start talking again and sound even more stupid. I knew I shouldn't have made that phone call. Well, part of me did, anyway. I sunk back into my pillow face down and groaned.
I stopped feeling good
Somehow I just knew I would
I guess I'll sleep another hour
"Mom?"
So much for that. I flipped over and sat straight up. Fi stood in the opened doorway, staring at me. The worries rushed to me at once: Had she heard? Did she know? Had I left that door open? Why didn't I check? Why was I so careless? Why did I even bother calling him? I smoothed down my hair and tried to appear as calm as possible. "Yes honey?"
She walked toward me, and as she got closer I realized that her eyes were red and her cheeks were tear-stained. Oh, God. My worst nightmare was only beginning.