Disclaimer: I don't own Fuu or anyone else in FF8 *damn* but I like to think that the story does though. :-)
Anyway, here's my first ever fic! Please let me know how well I'm doing with this...just don't flame me too much. And if you have anything constructive to tell me about what I could change in the writing of the story or whatever, just send the tip my way.
I guess the story is kind of depressing, in case you're wondering, Fuu's thinking about whether or not she should commit suicide. It's OOC but it would have been boring to keep them in character ya know? The romance will be kinda minimal, but it will be Saifuu *yay*
btw...The posse is back at Garden and are actually getting along with Squall and the gang. (hey, it could happen) Anyway, on with the story...
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"Do I really want to do this?" She wondered out loud. Luckily, she was alone in her dorm room so she didn't have to worry about anyone trying to change her mind; except herself.
The two sides in her mind were raging battle with each other, one side telling her to go for it, the other, telling her to stop thinking like this and to do something else, anything else but what she wanted to do.
'Of course you want to do this! You haven't been thinking about this all this time and planning for this day for weeks for nothing have you!? You know that this is for the best, just accept it and go for it. You know you'll be happier.'
The debate in her mind continued, and the positive side tried to reason.
'But what if this isn't the only solution? Maybe if I tell Seifer and Raijin about this, they can help me. They would help me; I'm sure they would. At least, I'm pretty sure they would...'
'See!? You know they wouldn't listen. Odds are theat they probably won't care either...'
'Raijin would care. I'm his sister, he would care about this since it concerns me.'
'That's the only reason he cares about you; you're his younger sister. Since he's your big brother, he thinks that he has to care about you. If he just met you on the street, you know he wouldn't like you. Don't fool yourself into believing that he really cares for you.'
'He would. Raijin cares about everyone. He would be willing to listen and more then willing to help me.'
The negative thoughts in Fuujin's mind wouldn't give up, no matter how hard the positive side tried to come through.
'Yeah right. Keep telling yourself that Fuu. You know that he'll be happy since he won't have to limp around anymore, trying to recover from your last outburst. What a great way to show your brother how much he means to you.'
'He knows. Raijin knows that I care about him. I may not show it to him, but he knows I do. He's even wondering why I'm not kicking him as much anymore.'
'Yeah, he's probably loving the fact that he can actually walk without pain. Face it, you treat him like dirt. And if you want to believe that he knows you love him, fine, believe it if you want. But deep down, you know it's not true.'
'...'
'See? You know I'm right. So...who does that leave to care about you?? Oh yeah...Seifer. Mr. "Sorceress' Knight". Please tell me your not crazy enough to believe that he'll actually care about this?'
'He might. He does. He cares. He doesn't show it, but I know that he cares about me.'
The negative side couldn't believe what it was hearing.
'Are you actually listening to what your saying? You honestly believe that someone that looks like Seifer Almasy, someone who can have whoever he wants, would choose you!? Have you really looked at yourself in the mirror lately? Dream on girl, it's never going to happen.'
'I'm not that bad looking. Ever since I've taken off that eyepatch and talk normally to people, I've noticed guys turning to look at me.'
'Yeah, probably in disgust...'
'Please don't say that! That's not true and you know it. If that was true, I wouldn't have any friends at all and Squall and his friends wouldn't be talking to me now.'
The positive side was losing this battle, it knew it. But it still had to try to convince Fuujin not to do what she was thinking. The negative side knew it was winning and kept attacking Fuujin with everything it had.
'There you go again. You just don't get it do you? It's not that they want to be your friends, it's just that they pity you and feel like they have to be friendly with you.'
'Well, no matter what you say, I'm not willing to believe that Raijin and Seifer wouldn't do something to help me.'
'Look. I've said it once, and I'll say it again. The only reason Raijin gives half-a-damn about you is because he thinks he has to as your brother. And you know that Seifer won't care and if he tries to help you, it's only because of your stupid posse.'
'The posse's not stupid! And Seifer would help, not just because of that. He thinks of me as more then just someone in his posse. He thinks I'm smart and loyal and...'
'Has he ever actually told you that to your face?'
'...'
'Well?'
'No. He hasn't.'
'Then how do you know he thinks that of you?'
'I.....I don't'
The negative side knew it had won. It gave one more thought on the subject to be sure that it would be listened to.
'Then why say it? You're trying to make yourself believe things that aren't even true. You know he'll never think of you the way you want him to. You know that Raijin really doesn't care about you. So why are you torturing yourself with having to go through this act of "everything's fine" everyday? You know how to fix this. So just do it.'
Fuujin felt herself give in. Those negative thoughts in her head were convincing and they sounded right to her. They wouldn't care. Things would be different the first few days but they would adjust. "It probably won't even take them days to adjust to me being gone." She thought out loud "Probably only hours."
Besides, getting rid of those thoughts in her mind sounded so inviting to her.
'You know what to do now don't you? You know what has to be done. Do it...the longer you sit here, the longer you have to suffer.'
She took the two letters that we're sitting in front of her, the cause for the debate inside her mind. She folded the letters,put them into their envelopes and wrote neatly on one "Raijin" and "Seifer" on the other one.
"I don't even know why I bothered writing them, they probably won't care about what's written on them anyway." She sighed, looking down at the letters.
'You wrote them because you want to say goodbye. Even if they won't miss you, you will and you hope that by reading the letter, that they'll understand what had to be done.'
With that thought, she got up from the chair at her desk and grabbed the letters. She made her way to her door and looked back at her room. She sighed and closed the door behind her.
She then made her way to their dorms, maybe for the last time.
Anyway, here's my first ever fic! Please let me know how well I'm doing with this...just don't flame me too much. And if you have anything constructive to tell me about what I could change in the writing of the story or whatever, just send the tip my way.
I guess the story is kind of depressing, in case you're wondering, Fuu's thinking about whether or not she should commit suicide. It's OOC but it would have been boring to keep them in character ya know? The romance will be kinda minimal, but it will be Saifuu *yay*
btw...The posse is back at Garden and are actually getting along with Squall and the gang. (hey, it could happen) Anyway, on with the story...
--------------------------------------------------------
"Do I really want to do this?" She wondered out loud. Luckily, she was alone in her dorm room so she didn't have to worry about anyone trying to change her mind; except herself.
The two sides in her mind were raging battle with each other, one side telling her to go for it, the other, telling her to stop thinking like this and to do something else, anything else but what she wanted to do.
'Of course you want to do this! You haven't been thinking about this all this time and planning for this day for weeks for nothing have you!? You know that this is for the best, just accept it and go for it. You know you'll be happier.'
The debate in her mind continued, and the positive side tried to reason.
'But what if this isn't the only solution? Maybe if I tell Seifer and Raijin about this, they can help me. They would help me; I'm sure they would. At least, I'm pretty sure they would...'
'See!? You know they wouldn't listen. Odds are theat they probably won't care either...'
'Raijin would care. I'm his sister, he would care about this since it concerns me.'
'That's the only reason he cares about you; you're his younger sister. Since he's your big brother, he thinks that he has to care about you. If he just met you on the street, you know he wouldn't like you. Don't fool yourself into believing that he really cares for you.'
'He would. Raijin cares about everyone. He would be willing to listen and more then willing to help me.'
The negative thoughts in Fuujin's mind wouldn't give up, no matter how hard the positive side tried to come through.
'Yeah right. Keep telling yourself that Fuu. You know that he'll be happy since he won't have to limp around anymore, trying to recover from your last outburst. What a great way to show your brother how much he means to you.'
'He knows. Raijin knows that I care about him. I may not show it to him, but he knows I do. He's even wondering why I'm not kicking him as much anymore.'
'Yeah, he's probably loving the fact that he can actually walk without pain. Face it, you treat him like dirt. And if you want to believe that he knows you love him, fine, believe it if you want. But deep down, you know it's not true.'
'...'
'See? You know I'm right. So...who does that leave to care about you?? Oh yeah...Seifer. Mr. "Sorceress' Knight". Please tell me your not crazy enough to believe that he'll actually care about this?'
'He might. He does. He cares. He doesn't show it, but I know that he cares about me.'
The negative side couldn't believe what it was hearing.
'Are you actually listening to what your saying? You honestly believe that someone that looks like Seifer Almasy, someone who can have whoever he wants, would choose you!? Have you really looked at yourself in the mirror lately? Dream on girl, it's never going to happen.'
'I'm not that bad looking. Ever since I've taken off that eyepatch and talk normally to people, I've noticed guys turning to look at me.'
'Yeah, probably in disgust...'
'Please don't say that! That's not true and you know it. If that was true, I wouldn't have any friends at all and Squall and his friends wouldn't be talking to me now.'
The positive side was losing this battle, it knew it. But it still had to try to convince Fuujin not to do what she was thinking. The negative side knew it was winning and kept attacking Fuujin with everything it had.
'There you go again. You just don't get it do you? It's not that they want to be your friends, it's just that they pity you and feel like they have to be friendly with you.'
'Well, no matter what you say, I'm not willing to believe that Raijin and Seifer wouldn't do something to help me.'
'Look. I've said it once, and I'll say it again. The only reason Raijin gives half-a-damn about you is because he thinks he has to as your brother. And you know that Seifer won't care and if he tries to help you, it's only because of your stupid posse.'
'The posse's not stupid! And Seifer would help, not just because of that. He thinks of me as more then just someone in his posse. He thinks I'm smart and loyal and...'
'Has he ever actually told you that to your face?'
'...'
'Well?'
'No. He hasn't.'
'Then how do you know he thinks that of you?'
'I.....I don't'
The negative side knew it had won. It gave one more thought on the subject to be sure that it would be listened to.
'Then why say it? You're trying to make yourself believe things that aren't even true. You know he'll never think of you the way you want him to. You know that Raijin really doesn't care about you. So why are you torturing yourself with having to go through this act of "everything's fine" everyday? You know how to fix this. So just do it.'
Fuujin felt herself give in. Those negative thoughts in her head were convincing and they sounded right to her. They wouldn't care. Things would be different the first few days but they would adjust. "It probably won't even take them days to adjust to me being gone." She thought out loud "Probably only hours."
Besides, getting rid of those thoughts in her mind sounded so inviting to her.
'You know what to do now don't you? You know what has to be done. Do it...the longer you sit here, the longer you have to suffer.'
She took the two letters that we're sitting in front of her, the cause for the debate inside her mind. She folded the letters,put them into their envelopes and wrote neatly on one "Raijin" and "Seifer" on the other one.
"I don't even know why I bothered writing them, they probably won't care about what's written on them anyway." She sighed, looking down at the letters.
'You wrote them because you want to say goodbye. Even if they won't miss you, you will and you hope that by reading the letter, that they'll understand what had to be done.'
With that thought, she got up from the chair at her desk and grabbed the letters. She made her way to her door and looked back at her room. She sighed and closed the door behind her.
She then made her way to their dorms, maybe for the last time.