Wedding Bell Blues
By Lori Bush
Author's note: I was reading a rather bad story where Xander married someone (not Buffy), and I got thinking about the whole marriage and the Scooby Gang idea. Then the Laura Nyro song Wedding Bell Blues popped into my head, and I looked up the lyrics. Then I sat down in an hour or so and wrote this. Except the last section, added the day after I sent this to the harem, at (who else? *g*) Shawn's suggestion. It's just a silly, short one-shot.
Dedication: To Erin – since she'd getting' married and all. *g* I couldn't afford a gift…
~**~
I love you so, I always will
I look at you and see the passion eyes of May
But am I ever going to see my wedding day?
Dawn is beaming – she just got her third peignoir set, and you'd think it was the first time she'd ever seen one. "Oh, Sheila, it's lovely. I'm sure Karl will really like this." She gives a wicked grin, intimating way too much knowledge about what Karl will like than I think appropriate for my little sister. Even if this is her bridal shower, and ribald jokes and innuendo rule the day. I grab a glass of spiked punch, and take a big gulp.
My little sister – my baby sister, mind you – is getting married. Of course, she is twenty years old. She's still my baby sister. And I'm twenty-six, and haven't caught the first glimpse of the church aisle. At least, not as the star of the show. I've been a bridesmaid more times than you can count.
Okay, I can count 'em. Three, counting Dawn's upcoming nuptials. Cordelia and Angel, Willow and Oz (no one was more shocked than I was when he came back after she and Tara broke up and they decided to give it another try), and now Dawn. Only this time, I'm Maid of Honor. Okay, I was Will's main girl, too. I was technically only a mere bridesmaid once. And that was for my ex-boyfriend's wedding. How ironic can you get? Mmmm – this punch is pretty decent.
But me – I'm heading steadily into Old Maid Country now, and not liking the trip. I have to admit, though, it's not the worst place I've ever been. I mean, I've been dead – twice. I sent my ex to hell, while I was still madly in love with him. I buried my mother mere weeks before fighting a god for my sister's life (and managed to die my second time after that – not one of my Kodak moments). So the possibility of going to my grave as an unmarried woman shouldn't scare me, right?
It scares the shit out of me.
When you were losin'
I'd never cheat or lie, Bill,
There's been no fooling
I'm getting old, here. No spring Slayer anymore. Even Giles is married, now. He married that Olivia woman, back in Merrie Old England, after he left because I kept dying on him.
Well, that wasn't really why he left. I think.
More punch? Sure. I'd love some. Delicious.
So now I work retail, 'cos a Slayer has to have a flexible schedule and all, and I take care of my sister. Except that will be Karl's job, after this weekend, I guess. There's a new Slayer, but she's in the Midwest somewhere, where there's a new Hellmouth a-brewin'. They got her after Faith kicked. No, I do not think I've had too much punch. And the Council seems to think the Sunnydale Hellmouth has lost its – urgency, was the word they used. So I might get to retire.
I'd be the first Slayer ever to live long enough to retire. Damn right, I'm proud. You would be, too.
I love you so, I always will
And in your voice I hear a choir of carousels
Oh, yeah, there have been guys in my life – geez, I am twenty-six, for God's sake. My first was Angel – the one I was a mere bridesmaid for. He was, uhm, older, and mysterious, and eventually kinda forbidden, and you know what that does to a sixteen-year-old girl. I fell so bad for him that I convinced myself it was forever. Soulmates. I don't think I really let go of that idea, as stupid as I knew it really was, until I got the call from Cordy. She'd spent three years working with him, and knew him far better than I ever could have. Hell, she was there when he got his shanshu. Huh? Oh, it's just a really special gift he was given, after working hard to earn it. Anyway, she knew the real him, and I just held onto the memories. They're really happy together.
Then there was – well, I dated a couple of people, but not real seriously until Riley Finn. Big, Nordic, sweet. Not always the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, but he was good to me. Maybe too good, sometimes. I dunno, I never really loved him, although I tried real hard to talk myself into it. Anyway, he knew it, and he did some stuff to get my attention, which only ended up backfiring on him, and finally, he went away. Wa-a-ay away. And I cried, and moped, and realized the truth, but right after that was the whole 'Mom died and a god wants my sister, and now I get to die' gig, and I sort of forgot to mourn my relationship with Riley.
Then I was dead for a while. No, please don't ask. I'd like to say it was great, or awful, but I don't remember a whole lot about it, except I came back, and I came back well rested. Slayers have a hell of an interesting plan for leisure time off, lemme tell ya.
But anyway, no real chance at 'till death do us part,' there. Even if I could stop dying so much.
I'll be back soon. My mouth's dry. I need more punch.
When you were lonely
I haven't lived one day not
Loving you only
But kisses and love won't carry me
Until you marry me, Bill
She took off – I must have bored her. Oh well. I really didn't want to keep going, about my dating history after I came back. Too short a story. Oh, there she is, talking to Dawn. She's clutching her coat, and seems to be babbling. And leaving. Too bad – the guys are supposed to come here after the bachelor party. She'll miss all the fun.
Dawn and Karl wanted to gather everyone together. Actually, at first, they wanted to have a joint party, but Xander objected strenuously, saying that would ruin the bachelor/bachelorette party spirit. Although Dawn did decide hers would be more or less just a shower. Maybe we should have all done this together - Xander could have livened it up a little. He's always good for a laugh.
He and Karl seem to get along really well, which is nice. Xander's even going to be one of the ushers. You know, after Anya left him, he was kinda down on weddings for a while. He didn't even go to Cordelia and Angel's ceremony. Of course, that was like right after Anya left and Anyanka came back. He may have still been in the hospital, now that I think of it.
I love you so, I always will
And though devotion rules my heart, I take no bows
But Bill you know I want to take those wedding vows
Oh come on, Bill
I've got the wedding bell blues…
"Hey."
"Xander?" The guys must be here. Well, duh! They must have got here while I was in the bathroom. I wasn't feeling too good, so I was in there a while. Better, now.
"Hey, Buff. You've had some of the high-test punch tonight, I see."
"There was another kind?" Honestly, I didn't know that. Not like I was looking for the other kind…
"Sumthin wrong?" He can be so sweet sometimes. He knows me pretty well, too. I could just brush it off, I guess.
"Naw." He isn't buying that, is he? "Well, sorta. Yeah. I'm an old maid, Xan. I'm the only one of our friends who isn't married, and now my sister is getting married, too. It sucks, you know?"
"I'm not married, either, Buffy. And I didn't overdose on alcoholic beverages because of it." He leads me gently to the couch. Did I mention how sweet he can be sometimes? Wait a minute…
"No, you're not." This idea is starting to sound better all
the time.
"I think I've mentioned that as a good idea before, but you objected," he says, humor in his voice.
"Well, objections overruled." God that was hard to say. My tongue seems to be getting thicker. "Xander, take me home." I'm really tired now. Don't know why.
I see Xander go over and talk to Dawn, who is nestled now in Karl's arms. I lose track of him for a few minutes, but then he's shaking Karl's hand, and kissing my sister on the cheek. He disappears again, and then he's in front of me with my coat in his hands. "C'mon, Buff. Let's go home."
"You gonna marry me, Xan?" I'm standing still, but the room is swaying. How odd.
"Always thought I might," he says good-naturedly, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. Ahh, that stilled the room. "At least, I sorta hoped living with me wouldn't scare you off from the idea."
"I love you," I tell him, "And I want to talk more about this in the morning." I throw my arm clumsily around him, and I see him wince. Good old Slayer strength.
"If you remember this in the morning, Buff."
Damn, we're in the car. I forgot to say goodnight to Dawn.
I'll tell her tomorrow.
G'night. And thanks for listening. Xander'll take it from here.
~**~
Owww – who made the sunlight so bright? And who the hell told that little guy with the hammer he could play inside my skull? Maybe I should open my eyes more slowly this time, and look around, make sure of where I am.
Ow. Or maybe not. Are you still here?
"Yeah, Buff, my name's on the lease, too, remember?" I can feel Xander's warm bulk in the bed beside me. And if I turn very gently, I can touch him.
"I wasn't talking to you." I actually didn't mean to say that out loud, but I can't very well tell him that. He's looking around as he pulls me into his arms.
"I don't see anyone else," he says, a little too loudly, making me grimace. He winces in sympathy and lowers his voice. "Bad hangover, huh? That'll teach you." His tone mocks, but his smile comforts. If I snuggle into him, I know I'll feel better. M-m-mmm. Except for the headache, this is nice. "You do know you have a hairdresser's appointment at one, don't you? Dawn will never forgive you if you're too hung-over to walk down the aisle tonight."
"Slayer healing – I'll be fine." Eww, I've got chest hair in my mouth. That's what I get for talking into his pecs, I guess. Walk down the aisle. Dawn. Wedding. I, oops… "Xan, did I ask you to marry me last night?"
"You more or less told me to marry you." I love the way his voice and then his snicker rumbles through his chest. But now he's serious again. "I know it was the alcohol talking, Buff. I won't hold you to it."
"Me? I don't remember ever even getting an answer from you." Of course, there's a lot about last night I don't really remember, but we don't need to go into that right now.
"You want to get married? To me?"
Geez, Xan, be dense. Or maybe you just want to hear it again. "No, I want to marry the Master. Of course I want to marry you." Oww – I shouldn't have yelled.
He's so good at that – where did he learn to rub temples just the right way to relieve a hangover? "There, " he purrs softly.
"See? Why wouldn't I want to marry you?" This melding into his chest is even better when he's massaging my aching head like this. "Marry me."
"I thought you'd never ask."
"I had to ask you twice. I probably should rescind the offer. Maybe Spike…" Oh, I do so love it when he shuts me up that way.
You can leave now. I'll send ya an invitation to the wedding. Bye.
~**~