Title: The True Story
Author: DariensDame 08/2001
Series: Invisible Man
Rating: G
Category: Humour
Codes: D, B
Spoilers: Nothing particular
Summary: Response to the challenge: Why is ff.net really down?
Disclaimer: The story is mine. I-man belongs to Stu Seagall & TPTB. No copyright infringement is intended, & I will brush the quicksilver off & put them back in the box when I am done with them.
Feedback: Encouragement/criticism gladly responded to.
Email: dariensdame@myexcel.com
Posting: OK to QS archive & Fanfiction.net. Please notify me if you post anywhere else...I love to see my name in lights!
***
"Where is he?" the Official roared.
"I don't know, sir," Bobby stood in front of the Official's desk, uncomfortably at attention. Darien stood next him, his stance less negligent than usual.
"Fawkes, if you know something, you'd better tell me," 'fish growled at him.
Darien shook his head, "I don't know where he is...really!" He looked amused and chagrinned at the same time.
"You think this is funny, Fawkes?" 'fish enquired with an acid tone.
"Oh, no, sir," Darien nodded. "I just, well, can't seem to get worked up about a bunch of net junkies suffering from fan fiction withdrawal."
"Oh, man, Fawkes," Bobby turned to him. "I know these folks. You do 'not' want to mess with them."
"Yeah, what are they gonna do to me? Email me to death?" he scoffed.
"How about a nice 30 chapter story involving Darien Torture/Angst?" Bobby shuddered. "It wouldn't be pretty, Fawkes."
"OK," Darien looked alarmed. "I get your point. I take it all back. Where are we gonna find him, though? We've looked in all the regular places."
"I suggest you look in all the irregular places," 'fish ordered. "Now find him!"
They left the office and went down to the Keep. Claire was there, pacing back and forth.
"Any news?" she asked.
"Nothin'," Bobby replied morosely. "And the submissions are just piling up."
"Have you tried his apartment?" Claire said, not really thinking that they'd miss searching there.
"Four times," Darien replied. "I just don't get where the guy could be. He has no life."
"And you do, my friend?" Bobby barked a short laugh.
"He's got a point," Darien remarked to Claire as he helped himself to a yogurt from the lab fridge. "Hey, you got any raspberry left, Claire?"
"In the back," she directed. Darien made a sound of success as he found the container.
"Oh, just great," Bobby said shaking his head. "You're slurping down yogurt while the all the un-posted angst, violence, bad jokes, and quicksilver build-up of hundreds of stories is threatening the collective psyche of the I-man fan base."
Darien spooned up another bite, then nodded, handed the half-empty container to Claire, and said, "OK, OK....Let's roll Starsky."
"I'm Hutch, you're Starsky," Bobby shook his head as they left the Keep, Claire waving them out.
"Whatever..." Darien replied as they made their way to the van.
They were driving aimlessly around generic San Diego streets, when Darien remarked, "How come we never really go past anything?"
"I think it's because most of the people writing the stories have never been to San Diego, so they can only write generic street scenes," Bobby stopped at a red light.
"What're the places everyone knows?" Darien asked.
"Uh, Balboa Park, San Diego Zoo,...uh, I dunno anything else," Bobby listed. "We already checked all the places we 'can' got to, Fawkes."
"OK, what do they know about his character?" Darien continued.
"I got it," Bobby hit the steering wheel. He pulled a quick u-turn, causing a massive traffic jam behind him.
"Jeez, slow down," Darien looked pale as he grabbed the door handle.
"Bobby Hobbes comes through again," Bobby crowed as they pulled up in front of the store a few minutes later.
"Congratulations, Hobbes," Darien said with mocking amazement. "You've found your local Gateway Country."
Bobby nodded knowingly, "You just watch, Fawkes. I know what I'm doing."
"That's what I'm afraid of," Darien muttered under his breath. They entered the store and made their way past the displays of computers.
"There!" shouted Bobby as he spotted a figure behind a counter near a doorway. The two partners sprinted after the disappearing form. They found themselves in a short hallway; a green exit sign marked the door at the end of the hall. It was shut and had an alarm on it, so they knew that it hadn't been opened. The first door was marked 'Breakroom' and was empty. The second door was marked 'Rest Room' and it was empty. The third door was marked 'Inventory'.
"This has gotta be it," Bobby nodded with assurance.
"Ya think?" Darien said with a bored tone.
"You just don't get it, do ya, Fawkes," Bobby said shaking his head.
"Believe me, Hobbes, I get it," Darien said with exasperation. "I've got reams of stories with and without my clothes on, with my sanity and without it, with Claire, with you, with Arnaud, with women I've never met before, me becoming quicksilver mad, me getting over quicksilver mad, and on, and on, and on....I 'know'," He turned to Bobby. "It's just...well, haven't you ever given a thought that it's kinda nice to have a break. Go do normal things?!?"
"But," Bobby protested. "You can't ignore the fan base, Fawkes. It's the only thing that's gonna get that gland outta you and into a nice solid relationship. You know TPTB is gonna milk this angst angle for all it's worth."
Darien nodded solemnly, "You're right." He sighed, "Well, are we gonna do this?"
"Together as always, my man," Bobby held out his hand for the low five.
"Not today, Hobbes," Darien said shaking his head.
Bobby shrugged his shoulders and they opened the door to the storage room. They searched row by row, coming at last to a small cabinet in the back. Bobby banged on the metal doors.
"Come on, we know you're in there," he yelled. "Get on out here!"
"Don't you think you're being a little hard on him?" Darien said quietly to Bobby.
"You think 'I'm' hard on him, wait until all the list members find out," Bobby sighed.
"You're not gonna tell them, are you?" a small voice came from the partially opened cabinet door.
"Come on out, Eberts," Darien said. "We're not gonna hurt you."
"Speak for yourself, Fawkes," Bobby growled. "I haven't gotten a decent buddy scene since it went down."
Eberts climbed out of the cabinet and stood there in his Gateway polo shirt and khaki's.
"Lookin' good, Ebes," Darien nodded at his outfit. "You making any money here?"
"Actually, not bad," Eberts replied. "It seemed a good place to wait it out."
Bobby pushed Eberts up against the cabinet and growled, "How'd you cause this mess? And, how you gonna fix it?"
"Bobby," Darien pulled him back and held him by one arm. "Let him explain." Darien gestured to Eberts, "Go on, Eberts."
Eberts swallowed and said, "I was helping hack a Chrysalis database, actually getting some story time, when...the writer hit a snag, and couldn't finish the story...."
"You mean to tell me this was all caused writer's block?" Bobby exclaimed.
"Not exactly," Eberts continued, a little more sure of himself. "I had just issued the Ping of Death when the story stopped, and well...it got caught in a loop."
"Ping of Death," Darien repeated closing his eyes.
"As far as I could determine, it built up," Eberts continued, "and spilled over directly into the ff.net servers, causing a massive overload and subsequent crash."
Eberts looked at the two partners, then said, "They're working on the fix right now." He faltered, "It should be up in a week or so...." He actually began to look a little green as the two advanced on him.
"You know what this means, Eberts," Bobby said with precise tones. Eberts started to look very alarmed.
"A direct recommendation to the list members, Eberts," Darien confirmed sadly.
"No," Eberts said with horror.
"Yes, my friend," Bobby assured him. "It's gonna happen. You should be more careful with these things."
"Sorry, buddy," Darien patted Eberts on the shoulder as the two turned to leave.
Eberts sank to the floor slowly and just stared ahead.
Bobby and Darien walked out of the store and got into the van.
"You know, I kinda feel sorry for him," Darien said shaking his head.
Bobby sighed, then said, "Yeah, me too." He shook his head in commiseration.
"Poor guy's doomed to E/A fic for the rest of his days," Darien shuddered.
"The price you pay, my friend, for pissing off the fan base," Bobby replied knowingly. "The price you pay.
End
Author: DariensDame 08/2001
Series: Invisible Man
Rating: G
Category: Humour
Codes: D, B
Spoilers: Nothing particular
Summary: Response to the challenge: Why is ff.net really down?
Disclaimer: The story is mine. I-man belongs to Stu Seagall & TPTB. No copyright infringement is intended, & I will brush the quicksilver off & put them back in the box when I am done with them.
Feedback: Encouragement/criticism gladly responded to.
Email: dariensdame@myexcel.com
Posting: OK to QS archive & Fanfiction.net. Please notify me if you post anywhere else...I love to see my name in lights!
***
"Where is he?" the Official roared.
"I don't know, sir," Bobby stood in front of the Official's desk, uncomfortably at attention. Darien stood next him, his stance less negligent than usual.
"Fawkes, if you know something, you'd better tell me," 'fish growled at him.
Darien shook his head, "I don't know where he is...really!" He looked amused and chagrinned at the same time.
"You think this is funny, Fawkes?" 'fish enquired with an acid tone.
"Oh, no, sir," Darien nodded. "I just, well, can't seem to get worked up about a bunch of net junkies suffering from fan fiction withdrawal."
"Oh, man, Fawkes," Bobby turned to him. "I know these folks. You do 'not' want to mess with them."
"Yeah, what are they gonna do to me? Email me to death?" he scoffed.
"How about a nice 30 chapter story involving Darien Torture/Angst?" Bobby shuddered. "It wouldn't be pretty, Fawkes."
"OK," Darien looked alarmed. "I get your point. I take it all back. Where are we gonna find him, though? We've looked in all the regular places."
"I suggest you look in all the irregular places," 'fish ordered. "Now find him!"
They left the office and went down to the Keep. Claire was there, pacing back and forth.
"Any news?" she asked.
"Nothin'," Bobby replied morosely. "And the submissions are just piling up."
"Have you tried his apartment?" Claire said, not really thinking that they'd miss searching there.
"Four times," Darien replied. "I just don't get where the guy could be. He has no life."
"And you do, my friend?" Bobby barked a short laugh.
"He's got a point," Darien remarked to Claire as he helped himself to a yogurt from the lab fridge. "Hey, you got any raspberry left, Claire?"
"In the back," she directed. Darien made a sound of success as he found the container.
"Oh, just great," Bobby said shaking his head. "You're slurping down yogurt while the all the un-posted angst, violence, bad jokes, and quicksilver build-up of hundreds of stories is threatening the collective psyche of the I-man fan base."
Darien spooned up another bite, then nodded, handed the half-empty container to Claire, and said, "OK, OK....Let's roll Starsky."
"I'm Hutch, you're Starsky," Bobby shook his head as they left the Keep, Claire waving them out.
"Whatever..." Darien replied as they made their way to the van.
They were driving aimlessly around generic San Diego streets, when Darien remarked, "How come we never really go past anything?"
"I think it's because most of the people writing the stories have never been to San Diego, so they can only write generic street scenes," Bobby stopped at a red light.
"What're the places everyone knows?" Darien asked.
"Uh, Balboa Park, San Diego Zoo,...uh, I dunno anything else," Bobby listed. "We already checked all the places we 'can' got to, Fawkes."
"OK, what do they know about his character?" Darien continued.
"I got it," Bobby hit the steering wheel. He pulled a quick u-turn, causing a massive traffic jam behind him.
"Jeez, slow down," Darien looked pale as he grabbed the door handle.
"Bobby Hobbes comes through again," Bobby crowed as they pulled up in front of the store a few minutes later.
"Congratulations, Hobbes," Darien said with mocking amazement. "You've found your local Gateway Country."
Bobby nodded knowingly, "You just watch, Fawkes. I know what I'm doing."
"That's what I'm afraid of," Darien muttered under his breath. They entered the store and made their way past the displays of computers.
"There!" shouted Bobby as he spotted a figure behind a counter near a doorway. The two partners sprinted after the disappearing form. They found themselves in a short hallway; a green exit sign marked the door at the end of the hall. It was shut and had an alarm on it, so they knew that it hadn't been opened. The first door was marked 'Breakroom' and was empty. The second door was marked 'Rest Room' and it was empty. The third door was marked 'Inventory'.
"This has gotta be it," Bobby nodded with assurance.
"Ya think?" Darien said with a bored tone.
"You just don't get it, do ya, Fawkes," Bobby said shaking his head.
"Believe me, Hobbes, I get it," Darien said with exasperation. "I've got reams of stories with and without my clothes on, with my sanity and without it, with Claire, with you, with Arnaud, with women I've never met before, me becoming quicksilver mad, me getting over quicksilver mad, and on, and on, and on....I 'know'," He turned to Bobby. "It's just...well, haven't you ever given a thought that it's kinda nice to have a break. Go do normal things?!?"
"But," Bobby protested. "You can't ignore the fan base, Fawkes. It's the only thing that's gonna get that gland outta you and into a nice solid relationship. You know TPTB is gonna milk this angst angle for all it's worth."
Darien nodded solemnly, "You're right." He sighed, "Well, are we gonna do this?"
"Together as always, my man," Bobby held out his hand for the low five.
"Not today, Hobbes," Darien said shaking his head.
Bobby shrugged his shoulders and they opened the door to the storage room. They searched row by row, coming at last to a small cabinet in the back. Bobby banged on the metal doors.
"Come on, we know you're in there," he yelled. "Get on out here!"
"Don't you think you're being a little hard on him?" Darien said quietly to Bobby.
"You think 'I'm' hard on him, wait until all the list members find out," Bobby sighed.
"You're not gonna tell them, are you?" a small voice came from the partially opened cabinet door.
"Come on out, Eberts," Darien said. "We're not gonna hurt you."
"Speak for yourself, Fawkes," Bobby growled. "I haven't gotten a decent buddy scene since it went down."
Eberts climbed out of the cabinet and stood there in his Gateway polo shirt and khaki's.
"Lookin' good, Ebes," Darien nodded at his outfit. "You making any money here?"
"Actually, not bad," Eberts replied. "It seemed a good place to wait it out."
Bobby pushed Eberts up against the cabinet and growled, "How'd you cause this mess? And, how you gonna fix it?"
"Bobby," Darien pulled him back and held him by one arm. "Let him explain." Darien gestured to Eberts, "Go on, Eberts."
Eberts swallowed and said, "I was helping hack a Chrysalis database, actually getting some story time, when...the writer hit a snag, and couldn't finish the story...."
"You mean to tell me this was all caused writer's block?" Bobby exclaimed.
"Not exactly," Eberts continued, a little more sure of himself. "I had just issued the Ping of Death when the story stopped, and well...it got caught in a loop."
"Ping of Death," Darien repeated closing his eyes.
"As far as I could determine, it built up," Eberts continued, "and spilled over directly into the ff.net servers, causing a massive overload and subsequent crash."
Eberts looked at the two partners, then said, "They're working on the fix right now." He faltered, "It should be up in a week or so...." He actually began to look a little green as the two advanced on him.
"You know what this means, Eberts," Bobby said with precise tones. Eberts started to look very alarmed.
"A direct recommendation to the list members, Eberts," Darien confirmed sadly.
"No," Eberts said with horror.
"Yes, my friend," Bobby assured him. "It's gonna happen. You should be more careful with these things."
"Sorry, buddy," Darien patted Eberts on the shoulder as the two turned to leave.
Eberts sank to the floor slowly and just stared ahead.
Bobby and Darien walked out of the store and got into the van.
"You know, I kinda feel sorry for him," Darien said shaking his head.
Bobby sighed, then said, "Yeah, me too." He shook his head in commiseration.
"Poor guy's doomed to E/A fic for the rest of his days," Darien shuddered.
"The price you pay, my friend, for pissing off the fan base," Bobby replied knowingly. "The price you pay.
End