Unjustified Love
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or any of the Star Wars characters. They are owned by those who own them. I do, however, own the fic all of this is in. That is all.
Time Frame: Sometime during or after Episode III
Archive: If you want to, please email me for permission
It wad different from what she had known all of her life on her home planet as Amidala Skywalker stood on the balcony that jutted out from her room. Her lifeless brown eyes stared out into what was once the wondrous city of Theed, which now was just a pile of rubble. Down below her barely touched palace was the remnants of the once-proud city that had flourished so many years ago and had been the center of everything that she held close to her. Now, as the Clone Wars came to a end and the new order began to rise up, the city and the planet was fighting for whatever was leftover from those damned Wars. Yet, all hopes of ever returning to the level it once had been at when she had been elected Queen was fading faster then it had all those years ago.
At that point in time, everything had changed from what it had been all those years ago. Things were falling apart more then it had before, crumbling down to the once fertile soil. More and more people were dying then they had in Naboo's history, even during the time of the Trade Federation's blockade. Whoever was left were disappearing at a fast rate, due to either new creatures dwelling upon the ruins of towns and cites or the Sith claiming those lives if they did not join with them. Either way, it was costing the serenity that had stood for centuries to disappear slowly and painfully.
And the boy turned Jedi named Anakin. He had fought to the end on the side of Light or so it had seemed. He was so willing to help people during his lifetime that it never dawned on those unknowingly that he could change so quickly. So violently. So coldly. His loved had turned to hatred as the years went by as the darkness seeped into his body like a river into a lake. Amidala knew that from the moment he had killed those Tuskin Raiders that he had turned, but even then she did not want to believe that the nightmare had begun. It was only when it had come full-force did she realize that the nightmare was still swirling around her. Everything that she thought she knew about her husband had disappeared and was then replaced by a dark presence that was once a loving, caring, human being.
She was grateful that the last queen had allowed her to stay in the castle when she had given birth to her twin children. It had been with a heavy heart that she had to allow her son to go to a planet far away where his father could not harm him. Her daughter stayed with her until the right time when she had to give her to another for her protection. It was for the best, she had told herself countless times over and over again.
The former senator and queen took in a deep breath of smoky, unclean air, letting out some of the pain that still coursed through her veins. There was nothing that she could do anymore to help her people. Her power, what little she had left, was useless in a time like this. There was no one to turn to. No one to hold her when she needed to be held at night. No one to help the galaxy in this time of need.
A tug at her long red dress made her come out of her daydream as she shook her head. As she looked down, her eyes fell upon a small figure that looked up at her with innocent, wondering eyes. The small, unknowing face, that was free of burden for the time being but would eventually be plagued with the going-on's of the galaxy, gazed upon the early aging of the older woman.
"Leia, what are you doing up at this hour? You should be napping while you can," Amidala scolded lightly, kneeling down beside the child in a effort to keep herself busy for now. Leia did not answer that simple question, not old enough to speak in a tone which could be understood in any dialect. Instead, perhaps in an answer that her mother probably did not expect or want, she held her arms up in the air, indicating that she wanted the aging woman to hold her tight. Ami smiled at her, putting her own arms around the child as she brought her to her chest. She then stood up, a forced smile on her lips, but only for the girl's sake. "I suppose you rather be with your mother, huh?"
"Moo-Moo," Was the only thing Leia spoke as she rested her small head against her mother's shoulder. The two stood like that for a while, the setting sun's rays going down behind them as they looked like they were held in time itself. When a knock came at the door, it broke the silence and the bond that was shared in the brief moments between mother and daughter in the last hours of the light. The former queen snapped out of that daydream once again, pulling herself back into a reality that she did not want to be in. Before she answered the person that was behind the door, she walked through the arch of the entrance that lead into the balcony and into the lavish room that she had once shared with Anakin during the many trips back to Naboo.
"Come in," She called out uncertainly, keeper her failing emotions from flowing directly into her voice. The door opened a few moments later before Sabe entered her face just as emotionless as the other woman's she had always defended as her personal decoy. The last of the royal handmaidens, she had stayed on Naboo and with Amidala even with the chances given to her many times, not only by the guards but by each queen, in order to help care for Leia. She had refused each time, telling those that had ordered her to wait things out so that there would be a better chance for the child to have a better life somewhere else.
"There is someone to see you, Padme," Sabe muttered in a calm voice as she used Amidala's handmaiden name, trying to hold down a smile that would endanger her battle-harden face.
"I do not wish to see anyone right now. Tell them to come back another day when I am feeling better. There are also other things I need to tend to before the day is over with."
"It is Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. He demands to see you before he sets off for Tatooine," The handmaiden said, clasping her hands in front of her in a joyous manner. Amidala blinked her eyes, a surprised yet loving smile appearing on her lips. The two women stared at each other for several minutes, each seemingly knowing what the other was thinking no matter what kind of thoughts that person might be having. After several minutes of silence, it was the former queen who spoke first.
"Tell Obi-Wan that I am sorry that I can not meet him at this moment. I will, however, see his ship take off tomorrow when he departs for Tatooine."
"But, Padme…."
"No, Sabe. I can not afford to have anything delay this. He has done it enough already," She said hastily. With that, Amidala turned around, her smile fading no matter how forced it was. She walked back out onto the balcony, Leia still cuddled in her arms.
"As you wish," Sabe mused, quite possibly bowing in a mocking sense before her footsteps could be heard walking out of the room. In the next minute, Amidala heard the door closed behind the last handmaiden as her footsteps echoed off of the glistening walls. There were now hints of sadness in her eyes as she looked down upon the ruined city once again, her heart aching with pain and sorrow. What was left of the sun was now moving out from the ruins of the temples behind the distant horizon, throwing out the last of the unforgiving light. Amidala turned her attention to her daughter, who was now near sleep. A yawn escaped her small mouth, her eyes trying desperately to stay open.
"Okay, little one of mine. It is time for you to go back to bed so that tomorrow you will be less sleepy," She whispered into her tiny ear as she turned around and walked into the bedroom for the second time that night. As she walked towards the massive bed that she had all by herself, Leia's eyes fluttered some then closed, a small sigh escaping her lips. Her mother smiled at this, wondering why anyone, no matter how evil they were, could abandon or want to kill such an innocent form of life.
As she placed the child onto the bed, she tried to calm her fast beating heart that told her she was making a mistake. The gentleness of the satin covers in her hand, as she covered the small body too tired to fight the sleep off, did not make it slow down nor did it hinder any less of her shaking hands. There was something on her mind that she wanted to get out of her head before anything else would happen, good or bad. She had enough of things going wrong despite all the effort that she placed in them and it was time to do something about it.
Once she settled Leia into that bed and made sure a dim light was on, she walked over to a small writing table that sat in one corner of the room. Once there, she sat down, ready to pour her heart into something that she wanted to say for the last several years.
~*~*~*~
Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi walked down a corridor of the still magnificent Theed palace of the Queen, his face tired and unmoving. He had spent the last two hours loading up the ship that would take him back to the desert wasteland of Tatooine, the planet that he had chosen for this last home in his lifetime. Maybe it wasn't really his chosen that made him do it as Amidala's infant son, Luke, whom shared his father's Force sensitivity, hid there with his Aunt and Uncle by marriage. That was probably the major reason why he had chosen to live there for the remainder of his days. To protect the son that should have been living in a lush palace for the rest of his life but instead had to live on that forsaken planet that had more gangster then Courscant had senators.
The other reason, maybe smaller then the first, was the remainder of the Jedi that had survived the Clone Wars and the purge by the Sith. What was left looked down upon him for creating such a monster that had begun it's reign of terror years ago. He knew it wasn't all his fault since he had promised his fallen master, Qui-Gon Jinn, to train him as his Padawan Learner. With the shame of losing that Padawan to a path that held no light, he could not face the same Jedi that he had trained along with as a Master. There was no point in living a normal Jedi life in this galaxy with others like himself as the constant reminder of the mistake that he had made always present in his life. And he knew he wasn't going to make the same mistake again.
It was hard to face the trials alone, especially without his own Master to guide him through the ones that he had been through and the ones that he was about to embark upon. Although he had ascended to the title of Jedi Master himself, Obi-Wan often found himself wondering what things would have been like if Qui-Gon was still alive. Would he, himself, take on the role of training Anakin instead of Obi-Wan? Would he have noticed things much sooner then everyone else had? What would have happened if he was here at this moment? He could only imagine the disappointment his old Master would be feeling if he knew the things that Obi-Wan knew now.
"Master Kenobi!" A voice called out from the other end of the long corridor. Obi-Wan stopped his walking the moment he got to the open door that would lead into his last night of comfort for what might be the rest of his life. He turned around, half expected to see Amidala coming towards him, having changed her mind about seeing him. Instead, Sabe ran up to him, a single white paper neatly folded in her hand. Once she had come up to him, her eyes were alit with a certain degree of happiness as she came to a stop in front of him.
"Yes, young handmaiden? How can I be of service to you?" The Jedi asked, his voice full of wonder as best as he could muster. At the present moment, he wasn't really interested in talking to a lone handmaiden at this hour of the new night.
"Padme wants you to read this before you depart for the desert planet tomorrow. She also requests a reply as soon as you possibly can, tonight even," She said, holding out the piece of folded paper, a will of desperation on her face. There was something in her eyes that made him hesitate to answer right away or take the paper. It was like she was begging him to take it without word, no matter what the contents of the parchment contained.
"I see," He said thoughtfully, taking the paper after careful thought and a single nod to the handmaiden. "Thank you. Tell Amidala good night and may the Force be with her."
"Thank you, Master Kenobi," She answered, bowing as the Jedi walked into the room without much though to the handmaiden. He assumed she had left when he closed the door behind him, hardly noticing the surroundings of the room itself. The room was elegant like the rest of the palace, resembling the beauty that Naboo once had before the Clone Wars had even started five years prior. Everything was plush and comfortable, big enough to suit most visitors and guests needs, but it outdid what the Jedi needed. Yet, he enjoyed the spacious room and took delight in knowing that he would spend his last night in luxury as many of the royals did long ago.
Obi-Wan sighed, his eyes falling down to the piece of paper that he held tightly in his hands, almost forgetting that Sabe had given it to him. Most messages were coded in some sort of data pad or transmitted through droids that allowed very little writing by hand at all. It was to his surprise that Amidala herself would write a letter to him in a way that barely used around the universe even though many humans could write simple words on paper. Even though most creatures knew how to handwrite messages and use some sort of pad to do their message taking, it was rare that anyone would actually handwrite a message. Yet, that did not stop him from unfolding the letter and begin to read what the contents had to say.
Dear Obi-Wan,
Thank you for doing this for me. I know it is hard protecting the son of the man that betrayed all of us, but it is for the best. He will become a great Jedi, like his father before him. All I ask is that he doesn't know who his father is or what he will become until he is at an age where he can handle it. Hopefully, by the time he reaches the age when Anakin was when we first met him, everything will come back to the way it once was.
I am sorry that I could not meet with you tonight. I know that I have been pushing you away in the last few months, even years if you want to go that far back. Even now, with Luke on anther planet and you going to protect him, when I needed you, you were there and I forced you out. But, I didn't see that at those times. I was too blinded by grief to see just how much you mean to me.
If you think me pushing you away because you were Anakin's Jedi Master, you are mistaken. I pushed you away because I am scared of the new feelings that I have towards you. They are not feelings of friendship anymore because I do not view you as such any longer. No. Not anymore. Obi-Wan, I want to feel love again. I want to know what it is like to feel it placed back upon me.
And, yet, I still have a small part of my heart that belongs to Anakin. My love for him will never disappear and will remain until the day I die, no matter how far away that is. Yet, I have to move on with my life so that I won't end up like him. He may be still alive in body that is not his but it is not the same child that I met on Tatooine when I was queen. As much as I tried to make that feeling go away because I didn't want to feel any kind of wonderful emotion again, it is still there, but to someone else.
Do not blame yourself because Anakin turned. It is not your fault nor mine nor anyone else's. He was destined to lead a different path other then what, Qui-Gon, or any other person had laid out for him. That could not be changed even if we tried. I learned that a long time ago but it took me only a few moments ago to accept it. Now, it is your turn to do so.
Obi-Wan, I know you have to watch out for my little boy who will never know his mother. Make sure that he does not take the same path that his father did. I will leave you with my eternal love and hope you feel the same way about me as I do you. Good bye, Jedi, and May the Force be with you.
Padme Amidala
Obi-Wan sat down upon the bed, his eyes re-reading the words that the queen had written to him. His hands were shaking along with the pounding of his heart just like he assumed she had been doing. Everything that he had felt before this moment drained out of him and a new flow of emotions came rushing in to take their place. Nothing had prepared him for the words that he had just read.
The Jedi took in a small sip of air, letting the words of a former queen sink into his body. A feeling of pure relief went over him, a light smile appearing on his cracked lips. There was a feeling of total gleefulness that touched his soul in a way that could never be replaced. A feeling that he had not felt in a long time as Amidala felt more then just those small emotions of friendship to him. A love was what she felt. A love that had been hidden inside of her for who knows how long.
Obi-Wan took in a deeper breath, putting the letter down next to him. He then stood up, walking towards a small desk that was on the other side of the vast room. Even though she had felt a love towards him, there was a problem that he could not tell her even if he tired time after time to do so. At least, in her presence, handmaidens or not. A problem in which he was going to tell her now, before he left for Tatooine.
As he searched the drawers for something to write with, his heart started to beat faster then it had done so before. This time, it was with a cold, dead feeling.
~*~*~*~*~
Amidala stared up at the ceiling of the bedroom that she had once shared with the Sith that she once loved, now sleeping alone in a bed meant for two. There were nights that Leia would wake, screaming, and request to sleep with her already awake mother. However, those nights were rare and she longed for the company that she once had laying next to her. It was hard for her to have the dreams she had dancing across her mind, the nightmares plaguing her even in her wake. It was more then enough to drive her to almost death at times.
Everything was so empty to her now. The only thing that was really keeping her alive was the little child that slept soundly next to her. The child that would, hopefully, see the end of the conflict that was going on at the present moment. Or die trying to stop it. The woman did not want her to suffer the heartbreak as her mother was going through at the moment. She would not tell Leia anything of her father or bother except she had no siblings and that her father had died a long time ago. The child was not ready for the things that were going on and hopefully she never needed to.
A soft knock came at the door, causing Amidala to come out of her thoughts yet again. She sat up, gently taking off the covers that laid across her body as she placed her legs at the edge of the bed. Her bare feet touched the soft ground, her weight placing on them as she stood up, reaching for a light to turn on so that she could see. She made sure that the light was dim enough to not wake her daughter but bright enough to see who was there.
"Come in," She called out, hoping it was someone that she so desperately wanted to see. Instead, as the doors opened to reveal who it was, Sabe's figure was not the one that she wanted to see there.
"Padme, I am sorry for disturbing you, but Master Kenobi sent you this. He says you need to open it before you fall asleep," The handmaiden said in a hushed voice, holding out a piece of paper, folding in almost the same way of the letter that she had sent him earlier in the evening. Amidala stared at it for a moment, unsure of what it was. Then, she walked the several steps that it took to get to her old handmaiden and held out her own hand, reaching towards the white sheet. As she took it form her former decoy's hand, she gulped silently, hoping the Jedi had not returned the same letter that she had wrote to him.
As Sabe bowed and left, she looked down at the neatly folded letter, her heart racing like a pod-racer. Slowly, she opened it and started to read.
Dear Amidala,
I know you rather be called Padme at times, but you are no longer the woman that has to hide behind a handmaiden's clothing. You are the former queen of this planet and a former senator that tried to get peace in this crazy universe.
I wish I could have seen you as well for the last time before I leave for Tatooine in the morning. You are strong in times like this and will continue to be so until the day when I know you are no longer with the Force. You will pull through no matter what the outcome of this situation is. You have before and I believe you always will. But, the feelings that you feel towards me are not the same that I feel towards you.
I know you did not push me away because of Anakin or the things that he has done. The love that was inside of you could not be mistaken. You did not know how to react in front of me because of it. I forgive you on that. There is nothing that the Force can give out that will not stop making me being your friend, Amidala.
I know that there was a path that Anakin was destined to lead. Qui-Gon saw it when he first met him and hoped that either he or I could change it before it was too late. But, with everything that went on around him, Anakin could not take the pressure and the lure of the Dark Side allowed him to go down the path of the Sith. It will take a little bit longer for me to accept the fact that Anakin is gone not only in body but in spirit as well, but you have my word it will be done. I will do it for you, Padme Amidala.
I still wish that I could have seen you one last time. I will keep your letter with me always and never let it go. However, I can not love you back. There is no chance that I can hurt Anakin in any other way by taking away the one love that made him so very happy.
Obi-Wan Kenobi
Amidala felt all the blood rush from her face as she fell to her knees, her heart dropping into the pits of her stomach. A single crystal tear went down her cheek as the words of the Jedi sunk into her mind and soul. There was nothing left for her to have in this life, not even her children. Obi-Wan had crushed the last chances she had of love and still smacked her across the face with her own words.
Even though she understood what he had written, there was a pit of anger that started to boil within her. She read the last line of the letter, her eyes blazing with hatred and anger. The love that made him happy? Hurt Anakin more? The boy that became the monster would not care what happened to his bride that he married so long ago. The only thing that would have hurt him would be his own damned death and even then he probably would not cry out in pain.
Amidala crumpled the sheet of paper in her hands, her eyes narrowing. She had poured her heart into the letter she had written for Obi-Wan and received nothing in return for them. Now, with no more then her own daughter's life, she started to spiral into a pit of despair that she knew she could never climb out of.
~*~*~*~*~
Once the morning rays had lit up the blue sky, Obi-Wan walked to the prepared ship, a small pack upon his back. A few remaining guards stood on either side, making a pathway towards the ramp. The Jedi hardly noticed them as he walked to the metal ramp, a emotionless expression on his face. Then, something compelled him to stop and turn his body around some to look at the palace one last time.
On a single balcony that came out from the palace, Padme Amidala stood, her hands on the railing. Her cold eyes glared down at him, her lips in a thin line. She was wearing what she had worn on her first trip on Tatooine: the peasants outfit that gave everyone the impression was a handmaiden or a part of the Outer Rim culture. She had no more emotions running through her, a cold feeling had enveloped her instead of the warmness that she once had. At least, from what he could see.
Next to her, her handmaiden and decoy stood. Instead of the gowns she had been wearing for years, Sabe was in a queen's gowns, taking the form that she had come to know all to well. Confusion lingered on the Jedi's face for a moment, his eyes moving from one then to the other. He did nothing else except turn his body around and moved on with his new life, not looking back. Now, he was completing a chapter of his life as the ramp moved up, coming between Jedi and Queen.
Many years later, Obi-Wan heard that a woman by the name of Padme had gone off of Naboo in search of the one that was called Darth Vader. That was all that was said and nothing more as his sources for the outside universe started to disappear from underneath Tatooine's twin suns. It wasn't until the start of the rebellion that he heard her name once again. The woman named Padme had died while taking information to the leaders of the rebel group.
She had died alone, just like she knew she would.
~*~El Fine~*~