Title: Sorrows and Starts
Notes: The third in the Suits and Suitors series. I'm trying to improve my banter but not that successfully, so I'm sorry if Josh and Donna banter is not as good as some ppls! Be patient with this series as well, its gonna be a long one and things will actually start to happen soon, I promise!
Disclaimers: not mine, not mine, don't sue, I am broke, not mine!
"Josh!" I jump at the sound of Donna screaming at me from five feet away.
"Donna? Will you pray tell me why the hell you just screamed at me from the door of my office which is but five feet away?" she gave me that mischievous grin which she often used and told me she was in one of her "lets play around with Josh" moods.
"I was doing a demonstration for you."
"Of what?"
"You."
"Oh, that makes it all the more clearer."
"I was showing you what it's like to have you scream my name all the time as if I am half way to Wisconsin."
"But I don't do that."
"Yes you do."
"No, I accentuate my voice."
"So was I."
"No you were screaming in a slightly, may I say, girlie voice."
"Well I was transposing for the female voice, but basically that's what you do."
"But I don't do it from my doorway."
"You do!" she had her hands on her hips now. I couldn't help but grin that I'd finally got her mad.
"Do not" I said in a slightly childish tone, but she was too worked up to realise what was happening,
"Did too!"
"Not."
"Too!"
"Not"
"Too!"
"Not times infinity." I said trying not to go into hysterics. She was about to say something when she finally cottoned on.
"Careful Joshua, or I'll send you for a time out." now she was grinning though I knew she was just biding her time till she could get back at me! I hate it when she does that!
"Yeh, right. Anyway, was there some specific reason for you screaming my name from five feet away, apart from to give me a so called demonstration?"
"Yes, I was just wonderin if we were going to be working late tonight?"
I was hunting around my desk for a piece of paper as I answered absent mindedly, "Uh, no. I'm going out with Maggie tonight." I carried on searching but then I stopped when I realised she hadn't said anything. I looked up to Donna's head held firmly down so I couldn't see her face. I frowned,
"You ok?"
"Uh, what? Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I was, uh, just…. uh…. thinking about some stuff I need to do. I was…um…well that's great. Cos I was wanting to go out tonight and just wanted to check that you weren't gonna need me till 1 again."
"Not another gomer I hope!" I say grinning, ready to carry on our little banter session but she just gives me a weak smile and,
"No, just a girls night out. Anyway I have to go do that thing." and with that she's gone. What thing? I was about to go and ask her when CJ and Toby come barging into my room in a very rude manner and shut the door.
"You know that was very rude the way you came in just then." I'm still in my joking around with Donna mood, but the looks that CJ and Toby give me make me decide to try and take another tack,
"What's up?" wasn't that well handled, I did it so quick that Toby didn't even have time for a quick sarcastic comment.
"We have a problem. Senator Jacobs has gone public on his feelings about medical insurance." CJ says, I know my mouth is hanging open
"I didn't know Senator Jacobs had feelings on the subject."
"Well he does and they don't match ours. He just went on CNN and told the world that he believes its wrong for the government to control private enterprises such as insurers."
"What?"
"I know, I know Josh!" she says defensively
"We didn't see this coming?"
"We didn't." Toby says giving me a look that says don't give CJ a hard time.
"Fine. Well this is just great!"
"We need you to talk to Maggie Jenson or anyone on Forges team. He might just jump ship with this." CJ says
"And all the work we've done goes down the toilet." I say thinking about having to do anymore disastrous meetings with the Senator. yikes!
"Precisely." and with that Toby starts to walk for the door,
"Well I'll be seeing Maggie tonight so I'll talk to her then." as soon as I've said it I wish I hadn't. CJ gives me this sly smile and tries not to giggle.
"What?"
"Nothing, I just think you look very cute when you're trying to sound unexcited about a date."
"Go away!" I say half jokingly and with that the two of them walk out the door. I sit at my desk for a minute thinking about how I'm going to bring this up without spoiling the whole evening. It's not going to be easy. Then I decide to go and see Sam and just as I get to my door I can hear to voices outside talking very quietly, almost secretively. So I stop behind the door to listen.
"So are you still ok for tonight?" at first I don't recognise it but then I realise its Toby, only he sounds different.
"Of coarse, I can't wait." and that's CJ, but it can't be cos she's using…well her flirting voice.
"Last night was…"
"I know." Oh my God!
"But we shouldn't tell anyone yet. You know what this place is like."
"Yeah, we'll just keep this for us for now. I'll see you later."
"Yeah. Oh and wear that dress you wore in California, you looked…. really nice in that."
"Wow where are you taking me?"
" Wait and see." I heard CJ giggle at this last statement and then I could hear footsteps as the two of them walked off in different directions. I grin to myself; never have a private conversation outside my office. People think Donna is a gossip, she learnt all she knows from me.
"Sam"
"Yeh." he says not looking up from his work.
"Have I got news for you buddy!"
"What?" he's looking up now
"I just heard a very private conversation between Toby and CJ.
"Josh, you should really stop this, you're getting as bad as the assistants for gossip. Now you're spying on you colleagues this is getting - "
"Listen! I heard them organising a date!"
"What?"
"You know a date, when a man and a woman go out together to enjoy each others company."
"I know what a date is Josh, are you sure?" now I had him hooked and couldn't help but smirk slightly at my sheer brilliance for spying.
"Yeah, they were saying how last night was wonderful and Toby wanted CJ to wear this dress he really liked. And CJ was using her flirting voice." I say as if that's all the evidence you need. Sam gives me a look of shock.
"Well, I never…well I mean there was always…. wow!" he sits back in his chair and contemplates this.
"But they don't want anyone to know. They said they were gonna keep it secret for now."
"So we have to act as if we know nothing."
"Right." as we sit and stand there thinking about this Toby comes in,
"Sorry, am I intruding. I just had some actual work I needed some help with. Though you two can carry on staring at walls if you want. We can carry on running the country quite happily without you, in fact probably better."
"Hi, Toby" I say trying not to grin but failing.
"Hi" he gives me a wary sort of look.
"Hi Toby." Sam says as well, I glance over to see he is barely hiding his grin as well.
"Again, hi. Have you guys taken anything which is illegal in most states?"
"Nope. Just saying hi. So how are you Toby?" I say trying to sound casual
"Fine, I would be better without you two acting like stoned teenagers. So what were you guys thinking about?"
"Senator Jacobs"
"Gun control." we say at the same time and give each other a glaring look. K, so we're not doing too well…at all.
"Ok." Toby says very slowly
"So what are you doing tonight?" I ask, again trying to sound casual…and failing.
"Um…nothing much, I'm uh going to go over some stuff the President wants and work on the Baltimore speech." good recovery I think to myself and I can see Sam is thinking the same thing.
"Well, I have to go. Donna has a thing for me to do." I say already heading for the door.
"K, see ya later."
"Yeah Sam." and I walk out of the office grinning again.
* * *
I watch her every day. I can't help it. At first it was just a little thing, a crush I guess but over the past year it's grown into something so much bigger. I've never had the courage to say anything but now maybe, just maybe….
She's so beautiful; her hair drives me crazy. I have always wanted to just let my fingers slip through the shiny silk. It smells good too. Like cinnamon and almonds. It's a smell you could just get lost in.
I've loved her for some months now. It's not just her beauty though. She has the most amazing mind. She's the sharpest person I know. She seems to be able to do five thousand things at once and is the only reason most of us function properly. She has a wonderful sense of humour that fits so perfectly with that infectious smile of hers. I've always imagined that we would just spend hours talking about everything, she's that kind of person. I know we would be perfect for each other. I know she is someone I could spend the rest of my life with.
Her eyes, did I mention her eyes? They see right into my soul; sometimes I almost feel that she can read it and see how much I care about her.
Sometimes I feel I'm becoming obsessive. I have to see her every day, it feels weird not to. If I don't see her by accident I have to find her just to see her. I can't help but drink in everything that is wonderful about her. I just really hope that she can feel the same about me some day.
But I'm going to ask her. I'm going to tell her how I feel and I'm going to ask her to try and feel the same for me. It's absolutely terrifying, and I'm terrified of her saying no but I have to know. I have to find out I can't go on looking from afar, its driving me crazy and I have to know. Even if she doesn't feel the same, at least I'll know. I won't be in this world of constant uncertainty.
So I'm walking up to her desk, she looks up and smiles,
"Hi, do you want him?" she says nodding her head towards the office a few feet away from her.
"No, actually Donna I've come to talk to you. Is it ok if we can talk now?"
"Sure Sam what do you want to talk about?"