Oh man, was I ever bored when I thought this baby up. That stupid Sick Voice in The Back Of My Head is bugging me again -_- It's when I'm bored that he can actually reach me.
Sick Voice In the Back of My Head: *in squeaky voice* Bwahahaha! Soon your mind shall be mine!
Mizu-Chan: Oh Buzz off! *Grabs a fly squatter* I'm warning you...
Sick Voice in the Back of My Head: I fear nothing! Nothing! wahahha- *SQUISH*
Mizu-Chan: *cackles evilly and tosses the fly squatter in the trashcan, a little body plastered to bottom* That takes care of that. Enjoy the fic!
Warnings: Uhh...Allen bashing, sort of. I make him very weird in this fic. Bwahaha! That and mild swearing. So I'm dubbing this fic...Rated P.G!
Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne.
*****
Allen drummed his fingers on the desk. He leaned his head on his hand and sighed. He was bored. Really, really bored. He has never been bored before. I don't like this. I feel like I'm wasting away damnit. I need to find something to do before I crack and hurt somebody. He got up out of his seat and walked out of his room.
Strolling down the hallway Allen came to Van's room. Hmm...should I or shouldn't I? Ah hell, why not! Allen looks around to see if the coast is clear. When he's sure no one will see him, he slowly turns the handle and enters Van's room.
Allen squeaks and ducks as a sword is thrown at is head. Missing the tip of his head by mere inches the sword punctures the doorframe above him, sending little splinters flying everywhere. Allen looks back at the sword, than looks ahead of him. Van is sitting at a desk, his chair turned around to face Allen. If looks could kill, Van would have knocked an army dead with the glare he was sending Allen. Allen laughs nervously, flinching. He backs up a few feet, intending to jet before Van can do anything else.
"What are you doing in my room, Allen?" Van questions, pulling out a letter opener from a drawer in his desk.
"Uhh...well, I...didn't hear anything and I just wanted to make sure you weren't dead or something." Allen finishes with a dashing smile and a nervous giggle. Van didn't look too impressed.
"If you were thinking about snooping around in my room, I'm sorry to disappoint you. But I'm going to be staying in here for a while, so don't bother to come back."
Allen nods vigorously and turns to run out the door.
"Oh and Allen." Van starts. Allen slowly turns his head to look at Van. "Y-yes?"
"Duck." Van whispers loud enough for Allen to hear. He flips the letter opener around so that the pointy end is in his hand. He winds up and chucks the knife straight at Allen's head. Allen happily obliges to Van's suggestion and ducks down as far as he can go, causing the letter opener to zoom past his head and strike the doorframe right next to the sword. Allen 'meeps' and runs out of Van's room, slamming the door shut behind him.
*****
Allen whiped the sweat off his bangs as he walks down the hallway once again. Geeze! That guys a nutcase! Never knew he'd get so mad if I tried to look around in his room, what's he got hidden in there anyways? Allen stops in front of another door. Merle's room. This should be interesting. He opens the door slowly, than shoves it open all the way and jumps back, hiding behind the wall next to the door. As soon as he sees that no pointy objects are going to be thrown at his head, he advances into the room. Allen looks around the room, walking around the bed and a small dresser. Well, this was a waste of time. This room is so plain, and damn is it ever neat. By the way Merle acts, you'd never be able to tell she's a neat freak. Oh wait... Allen stops at the foot of the dresser, noticing a drawer that's half open. He pulls it out slowly and sees a stack of papers inside. Hello... Allen lifts up a few of the white sheets and sees ones that are written on at the bottom. He tosses the clear ones behind his back and picks up a few of the others. He shuffles through the papers, and one of the titles catches his eye. What's this? "How Much I Love Van-Sama". Oh, I really had no idea. Let's see...
How Much I Love Van-Sama
I love Van-Sama soooooo much.
I love him so much that I'd buy him anything.
If he asked me to buy him a town, or a necklace I'd do it no problem.
Allen snickered. Not much of a poet is she? Ah well, I'll read on anyways.
I love Van-Sama soooo much
Didn't she say that already?? Allen joked in his head.
I love him so much that I'd kill for him.
Ooo, now it's getting interesting...
I'd especially kill that Kanzaki girl...
Always trying to steal MY Van-Sama. Actually, killing her isn't a bad idea. I think I'll hire some Geko's to come steal her and sell her off. Maybe she'll be sold to someone mean and he'll whip her everyday! Hahahahaha!!
Allen's eyes went wide with shock. This girls a friggen nut! He thought for a moment than continued reading.
Oh, but that wouldn't be any fun, I'd like to kill her myself. First, I'll bring her, me and Van-Sama into one room. I'll tie Hitomi up and break her legs so she can't move. Than, I'll start to make out with Van to show her how much she can't have him. Than, I'll stab her, and than I'll let Van-Sama stab her! And than I will, again and again and aga-
Allen threw the paper down in disgust. He looked down at it like it had sprouted a head. Damn! She is a nutcase! This girl has problems. I couldn't even finish reading it. Just picturing all that...I gotta warn Hitomi. Allen turned around to leave but noticed Merle standing in the doorway. He gasped and jumped up so far that his head hit the ceiling. He winced and rubbed his head.
"Van-Sama warned me that you might be snooping around in everyone's room. Your so sick, Allen! Do you have any manners at all?" Merle shouted, putting her hands on her hips and leaning over so her heals were in the air.
Allen didn't say anything. Instead he bent down and picked up the poem he was reading and handed it to her. "You know, I think your the one who's sick."
Merle gasped in surprise, than looked back at Allen with pure hatred burning in her huge eyes. "You...you went through my stuff!!" She shouted. Her tail sprung up, the hairs at the ends standing up.
Allen wasn't fazed at all. "Did you mean any of the things you said about Hitomi?" Allen asked, taking a step towards Merle. If Merle had any anger left it was covered completely by the fear now visible on her features. Merle hisses and extended her claws.
"You know about my secret...now I must KILL YOU!" Merle shouted, than cackled madly. She jumped up on top of the dresser and laughed again. "But first, I must turn into my ultimate form!!" She raised both her paws into the air, and a blue and purple mist began to surround her. It covered her entire body until Allen couldn't see Merle anymore. When the smoke started to clear, Allen heard a dark, thunderous laugh. He backed up into the wall, images of what could have made that noise flashing through his head. Finally, the smoke cleared completely, and what lay on that dresser was not Merle, instead it was -*dun dun dun dun* A little gray kitten! How ho- wait, a little gray kitten??
Allen blinked in surprise and raised a golden brow, cocking his head to the side and taking another look at Merle. THIS was the big bad ultimate form?? Allen chuckled.
"What are you laughing at? Bow down to your new MASTER! Bwahahahaha!" She bellowed in a low squeaky voice. This just made Allen start to really laugh. Merle glared with all her might, and Allen fell to the floor with laughter. Merle sat down on her hind legs and scratched her little kitty head with a tiny paw. "I don't get it, what's so funny?"
Allen stopped laughing for a second "Y-you mean besides the point that you just shrunk 1/8th your size and now have at least 4 times less power than you had before?" Merle nodded hesitantly, thinking over all the things Allen just said. "Your so damn adorable when you get mad!" Allen giggled, patting Merle on the head.
Merle was not happy. "Don't touch me!!" She swatted at Allen's hand with her paws. Allen started to giggle madly.
"Awww, who's the cute little kitty? You are! You are!" Allen cooed in a baby voice, petting Merle. He rolled her so she was lying on her back, and began to rub her tummy. "Aww, your so cute! Yes you are, yes you are!"
Merle purred and giggled, than stopped and growled. She raised her paw and struck Allen's hand. Allen yelped and pulled it back, blowing on the little scratch marks. Merle jumped up and stood on her hind legs.
"I.Am.Not a cute little kitty! I am vicious and very very angry and I'm going to kill you!" She shrieked. Raising her fists into the air. Allen just stared at her. Merle blinked and put her hands back down. "Your not afraid of me?"
Allen shook his head.
"Than feel my WRATH!!!" She jumped up and attached herself to Allen's face. Allen shrieked and pulled at her back, trying to rip her off. She extended her claws and started to scratch Allen's face rapidly. Little pieces of blond hair went flying everywhere, and gray fur was soon added to the pile on the floor as Allen started to rip the hairs off of Merle's back. When they finally finished their struggle, Allen and Merle were laying on the floor panting with half the amount of hair they had previously had. Allen had little bald spots everywhere and Merle had next to no hair on her back. Allen sat up and cradled his poor abused face in his hands. There were red scratch marks everywhere. Allen was not happy about this. Allen didn't like to have his dashing looks ruined. Allen was very angry.
*******
Allen dusted off his hands and looked back at his handy work. Merle was hanging by her hind legs over a pit of rabid bulldogs. The dogs jumped up and snapped at Merle's head, and Merle would scream and try to pull her head up. It was actually quite amusing. Allen walked over to the door of the dungeon and opened it. Before he stepped out he called back to Merle. "I suggest you lower yourself to the ground somewhat, because I just let lose a bunch of dogs on the top beam of where your ropes are connected. So unless you want to be dragged up and eaten, or have your legs cut off, you better move. See you later!" He waved and shut the door just as Merle shouted a swearword in his direction.
Allen walked down the hallway with a huge hat on his head. Every time someone looked at him weird he told them that it was an honor from the king and they all smiled and praised him. Damn he was good. Allen stopped again at a door. It was Millerna's room. Allen stood and pondered for a moment. Every time I sneak into someone's room something bad happens. I don't think I should go in there. Ah, hell. It's only Millerna, what can she do? He opened the door and looked around. Now this room was nice. The floors were decorated with plush red carpets. Her bed was draped in a red silk canopy. The furniture was old and elegant, and her drapes were wine red with gold rims. This was going to be fun.
Allen skipped around the room, opening drawers and looking under beds. Than he opened the closet and saw the most amazing thing –CLOTHES! The closet was filled with rows and rows of beautiful dresses of all shapes and colors. Allen whipped a tear from his eye and walked in, shutting the door behind him.
Allen emerged in a stunning blue silk dress. It was long –past his feet, and the torso part was a baby blue. The skirt was white with a blue tint, and the sleeves were also white, little blue frills rimmed the sides. He danced around in circles pretending to be at balls and what not. When Allen had had enough of that dress, he tried on another one, and another one, until he had tried on every article of clothing that Millerna owned. When he was back in his own clothes he cringed when he looked at the floor. Clothes were scattered everywhere. He shrugged let the maids clean it up.
He was about to leave when he noticed one of his favorite dresses laying on the floor. He looked around than snatched the dress and ran down the hall to his room.
*****
"Common, he deserves it. I found Merle hanging by a little thread above a pit of dogs. There was probably a rope holding her but the dogs on the beam above her had chewed threw it! AND he sneaked into my room, and I'm sure he went into yours."
Hitomi flinched and sighed. "Oh alright,But I'm sure Allen had a reason, and what was Merle doing as a little gray kitten?"
Van shrugged "I dunno, it's this stupid phase she's going through, just ignore it." He opened the door to Allen's room ever so quietly. Inside Allen was prancing about his room wearing the dress he had taken from Millerna. He bowed and shook hands with invisible people and giggled. Hitomi looked at Allen in shock, and Van snickered and took the picture. He handed the camera back to Hitomi, grabbed her by the wrist and took off down the hall "Thanks for letting me use that 'camera'. Wait until everyone sees this!" Van held up the instant photo of Allen in a dress in the air and cackled insaney.
********
The end! Told you it was nutty. This is what happens when I get bored. Oh and yes, the Merle part was from "The Emperors New Groove." I just found that part with the kitten SO KAWAII! I just had to put it in here. If you've seen the movie you'll know what I'm talking about.