The Day Kid Went on Sugar High
by Absolute Zero
Disclaimer/Author's Notes:irritatedI don't own Chrono Cross or Candyland.
The End.
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Serge browsed the newsstands, looking over the tabloids with a look of humor on his face. "Crazy jester marries cat man!" he read aloud as he picked up a Chrono Weekly. "Aww, how cute. Harle and Lynx are on the cover." Serge chuckled to himself as he read more on the article. "Heh. 'I plan to use our child az part of the freak muzeum', says Harle.'Isn't this just interesting?" Serge mused. "I wonder if anybody knows about this?" He paid for the magazine and began to head for home, when all of a sudden...
"I AM THE UNQUESTIONED RULER OF THE UNIVERSE EXCEPT FOR PLUTO BECAUSE IT'S DARK AND COLD AND SMELLS KINDA FUNNY! THAT BELONGS TO LYNX!"
Serge blinked as a certain blond-haired someone bolted past, wearing a pink tutu and screaming nonsense. She stopped in front of a villager and stooped to his eye level, screaming, "MOO, CHICKEN, MOO!!!" And then she ran off. "Uh...Kid?" Serge gave chase. She ran past Riddel, Glenn, and Miki, who just happened to enter Arni from a day of shopping at Termina, where Kid just ran out of, screaming. "Uh...Glenn!! I need your help! I think Kid has gone insane or something!!" Serge cried. "Again?" Glenn sighed.
"Well, it's not the bad insane where I had to do all that stuff in her head, but, well, it's the type of insane where someone acts so hyper that they should be thrown in a mental asylum." Serge explained. "Oh? You mean the Haruka Shin-Ra insanity variation, number 231?" Riddel asked. "Uh...something like that." Serge said, nodding. "I know of this and have experienced this insanity first hand. Haruka's kept me prisoner in a vain attempt to give me personality. I know of a temporary cure, as that would explain the update slump over at the Pirate's Hideout. But first off, how long has Kid been acting like this?" she said, trying to sound professional.
"Wait, it wasn't in vain. Riddel HAS had more personality since Haruka kidnapped her and conducted experiments on her, such as locking her in a room with Yuffie clones, slowly submerging her in a giant vat of jello, and forcing her to watch videos of Barney, Teletubbies, and Veggietales over and over in a dark room with many locks on the door and tape recordings of the Barney theme song playing over and over at ultra high volume." Miki said. "Uh...how did you know about that?" Riddel asked. "Because I helped conduct them!" Miki gloated.
"LOOK! SERGE!!!" Glenn shouted as he pointed to the S.S.Invincible, Fargo's ship. A shrill voice was heard wailing, "Ooh! Look at all the pretty, shiny buttons! I wonder what does THIS one do! It says... 'Emergency...self...destruct!' Oooh~! I wonder what it means! I wanna find out!" Serge's eyes grew wide. "NOOOO!!!" He, Miki, Riddel, and Glenn quickly ran towards the Invincible, where Kid was looking over all the buttons at the helm. Her index finger slowly closed in on the self-destruct button. "Kid! Stop!" Serge shouted as he clamored on deck. It was too late. Kid's finger touched down and pulled back up out of the button hole. "10 SECONDS TO SELF DESTRUCT, STARTING NOW...10...9..." Fargo's recorded voice boomed over the megaphones.
"Damn!" Glenn muttered. Serge grabbed Kid's arm and began to drag her off the ship.
"8...7...6..."
But since Kid was resisting, it would take some time. Unfortunately, not enough.
"...5...4...3..."
"Kiiiiiid!" Serge pleaded, tugging at her. "But I'm property of Pic N' Save!" Kid protested, pulling back.
"...2...1...BEGINNING TO EXPLODE..."
"Kid! We've got to GO! NOW!" Serge said through gritted teeth. Too late.
BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Wheeeee!" Kid cheered as she and Serge were launched through the sky, surrounded by flying debris. They crash-landed in a lake of chocolate pudding. Some apple pie birds flew overhead, cawing. A peanut butter cup catfish jumped out of the water. "Serge, we're in CANDYLAND!" Kid exclaimed. She grabbed for a twizzler pond scum and ate it. "Oh no...no...this can't be happening...NO! NO!!" Serge cried as he tried to force himself from eating the beach sand made of pixy sticks. Suddenly, his vision was blurred and everything became pink and sugary! "I'M IN HELL!" Serge cried. Suddenly, he submitted to the pure sugar and begame MEGA hyper. He bounced around with Kid and ate everything in sight, living a happy life in Candyland together.
-About a week later-
Harle screamed as she walked into her dressing room. "Monsieur Lynx!!" she shouted. "I'm not Lynx.." Lynx said. Harle sighed, rolling her eyes. "I am Dr. Catmanfurter!" Lynx said as he turned to face Harle. He was dressed eerily similar to Dr. Frankenfurter from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. "LYNX!! You're a tranzexual!" Harle gasped. "No, no, Harle, dear. TransVESTITE, not transexual." Dr. Catmanfurter said and held out his arm, prancing outside.
Harle:O.O::Silence::
* * *
"I don't know what's wrong with Marcy, Doctor..." Orcha, Viper Manor's cook, trailed off, looking towards a figure in the shadows. "...Catmanfurter." the figure asserted. He stepped out in his full glory. Dr. Catmanfurter glanced towards Marcy, who was laying in her bed with the sheets drawn up to her mouth and nose. "What seems to be your problem, little dearie?" Catmanfurter asked, moving towards Marcy's bed. Marcy was silent. Finally she said, in a dry whisper, "I see mega-fat people." Catmanfurter held his chin and nodded. "I see." He turned to Orcha. "Okay, diagnosis time. Diagnosis: Orcha must lose weight. End of diagnosis.... That'll be 6000 G, please." Orcha groaned and took out his wallet.
* * *
"I can't believe they kicked us out of Candyland! WAH AH AH WAHHHHHH!!!!!" Kid sobbed as she clung to Serge's shoulder, soaking his shirt. Serge, however, was glad they got kicked out. He made himself look like an utter complete moron when he was hyper. However, Kid thought otherwise, crying her eyes out because the sugar was quickly draining from her system. Better sane than hyper, where she didn't wreak havoc... Serge thought irritably. He felt Kid's catlike nails dig into his shoulders as a certain blonde-haired weight latched onto his back. "Take Kid to candy store," Kid grumbled as she began to drool on Serge's head. Serge squeaked as Kid's slimy, wet saliva dripped on his forehead and into his eyes. The extra weight was too much for him. He fell over face-first into the dirt.
A shadowy figure approached them. "Kid, dear! What are you doing in the middle of the nameless generic woods surrounding Candyland?" he said. "Well, Lynx, I KNEW I was right when I said you needed help!" Serge and Kid said in unison. Catmanfurter groaned. "Will you just lay off my mental problems, you two? It...makes me cry!" Catmanfurter began sobbing and ran off. "Kid....I have a new fear for that guy again...." Serge told her. "Me too, Serge, me too." Kid said quietly.
-The real The End.-