-Seifer-
I became dizzy. I had that feeling you get when you are falling, and are just about to hit the ground with a shattering crash. I stumbled my way out of the library, and made my way to my dorm, with a confused look. I really thought I loved you, Seifer. I was so positive I loved you, Seifer... Why aren't I in love...? Damn you, Hyne. Seifer... I collapsed on to my bed, and felt so empty. I didn't want to move, or get up, or even breathe. I AM in love... I AM! Help me... someone help me... I rolled over on to my stomach, and cried into my pillow. 'Promise you'll never leave me?' 'Never...' 'I just didn't want to hurt you...' But I hurt you... 'What if I can't commit?' Seifer... 'Hyne, I love you, Quistis.' I love you, Seifer... 'Staring at Squall again?' Jealous? 'I watched you cry...' You really cared... 'I betrayed all of you again, dammit!' No... 'Hell no, I'm taken.' You were... Seifer...! I do love you... I do... 'Quistis, no. I really do love you... I wasn't supposed to fall in love... But I did... Thats why I told you... Oh, Quistis.' Maybe we weren't meant to be...
"Seifer..." I cried into my pillow. I love you... right? What if it's just attraction? No... I don't know anymore! I stood up and glared at my reflection... I hate... me. I buried my face in my hands. Why?! Tell me... why me? If this isn't love, it's as close to love as I'll ever be... because I can't love anyone more than him! I just CAN'T! Why am I so fucking screwed up!? Help me... someone.... anyone... help me.
~~~
I woke up at around 1AM, and sighed. I took a shower. I looked alot better now that I had slept. Maybe I should go see Seifer. I headed off to his dorm, and knocked.
"Go the fuck away..." Oh... my...
"Seifer..."
"I SAID go the *fuck* away."
"Seifer... its me... Quistis..." There was silence. Two minutes later the door opened. Seifer looked tired. He obviously hadn't been sleeping. So, I stood in the hall, and through the doorway, he stood. We stared at eachother, not one word was said.
"Did you want something?" He asked, finally.
"Y-yeah."
"Well... what was it?"
"...I wanted to know why you were so upset...earlier." I lied.
"...You know damn well why I was so upset earlier, Quistis!" He nearly yelled.
"Maybe we should go inside..."
"No."
"..."
"Fine." I entered, and he kicked something under the bed. I only seen it for a second, but I recognized it... I couldn't be sure about what it was though.
"Seifer... I do love you..."
"Yeah, sure." He crossed his arms. "...That's why you are a friggin' sorceress, Quistis. I TOLD you, dammit. No one can actually love me. They can care... and be concerned, if I'm lucky, but love?!" ...Seifer... thats not true... why did I come here?
"Seifer, that's NOT true!"
"Yes it is... and you know it!"
"NO! Seifer, you've got it all wrong! I love you, and I'd die one thousand deaths for your happiness... Dammit, I dunno why the hell that doesn't count as LOVE, but... maybe it's just something more! I don't know where you stand with me anymore... But, I know what I feel more than anyone else, even fucking Hyne! You can believe her, or my feelings! The choice is yours!!" I yelled. He stared at me, and I looked at the floor. I held my hand up and waved it in the air and shook my head. I turned around and walked toward the door. He grabbed my arm forcefully and turned me around.
"I will *always* love you, Quistis." He kissed me once.
"...Seifer...?"
"Go back to your dorm Quistis... I'll... I'll talk to you... in the morning."
"Seifer..."
"Go... We'll... talk in the morning."
"Um..."
"Please?!"
"...F-fine..." I left, and went back to my dorm. Now, I'd always had a quick brain but not when everything is so jumbled up and confused. I walked into my dorm and laid on my bed. About ten to fifteen minutes later, I got a headache so I went into the cabinet to grab some aspirin. And I seen them. Green bottle... The color of the bottle kicked under Seifer's bed. I glanced at the label of the green bottle. "Sleep-Aid tablets."
"Seifer... you didn't!" No, Seifer, don't you do this! No! I rush to Seifer's dorm and open the door. Everything is dark and silent.
"Seifer!?" I call out in the dark, fumbling for the light switch. I can't find it, I rush to his bedside. I feel around for his body. Not breathing?! I find a lamp and turn it on. There is a small piece of paper on his chest. I grab it and place it in my pocket, and rush to the infirmary.
~~~
While sitting in the infirmary, I remember the note. I pull it out of my pocket, wiping some tears away with my other hand. I glance at it. That familar hand-writing that I have seen on so many papers seems so special now...
"Quistis... you are the only person I've ever loved... Maybe you just loved me out of pity... Maybe you didn't love me at all... Hyne knows... Oh, Quistis... I love you... But I think I only hurt you... I don't want you to be forced to love me. I know that no one can love me... maybe that's for the best. So, I'll just stop wasting everyone's time... through betrayal, fake love... and hatred." Seifer no... Oh, Seifer... why?! I don't understand...
"Quisits?!" Dr. Kadowaki said.
"Yes?"
"Seifer... he'll be fine... Stupid kid just needs to sleep it off... We got most of the pills out..." She continued to talk, but I'm not listening.
"Can I go in and see him...?"
"He's sleeping, don't wake him up."
"Thanks." I walk into the room. Its dark, except for the moonlight that shines down on his face. I sit beside the bed, and look at him.
"Seifer... Oh, Seifer, why? ...I'm so scared... What if you never wake up... I don't think I'll be able to live without you..." I feel a pain in my chest. Ooh, it hurts...
~~~
I open my eyes. Its still dark out. My head is rested on Seifer's chest... He is still sleeping. I rub my head, and stand up. I feel sort of funny. I look down at Seifer for awhile. I do love you... Five minutes later, his eyes open. He looks up at me.
"Seifer..." I whisper hoarsely. He sits up and continues to stare.
"Why?" He asks.
"...I couldn't let you die..."
"...No, yes you could have..."
"Seifer, you are the most important thing in the world to me..."
"But, you don't love me..."
"I do..."
"Don't lie."
"I'm not."
"...Then why are you a sorceress?"
"Maybe I'm not." ...Sure.
"...Oh really? Is that why you saved Balamb? Because you weren't a sorceress?!"
"Seifer..."
"Dammit, Quistis, leave me alone."
"..." I turned around and walked toward my dorm... But stopped when I reached the Quad, instead. It was still dark. Use your powers... wrongfully. Lose control. It won't be your fault... No... what am I thinking? I yawned. I don't remember falling asleep last night... Then I remember that pain... The pain I felt... when casting... reflect... Am I not a sorceress anymore?
"Quistis..." Seifer called. You just told me to go away... what do you want...?
"Wake up." What? I'm awake! What are you talking about?
"Quistis!" What do you want? Why can't I talk?
"Get UP!" Dammit, I am up?! ...Oh? I am sleeping? Dreaming?
~~~
I look up. My head is rested on Seifer's chest, and he's awake, shaking me.
"I'm sorry." I say, sitting up immediatly.
"Why'd you let me live?" He asks.
"...I couldn't let you die..."
"...No, yes you could have..." Just like my dream... what happens... if he doesn't wake me up?
"Seifer, you are the most important thing in the world to me..."
"But, you don't love me..."
"I do..." Stop it. Why is this going like my dream?!
"Don't lie."
"I'm not."
"...Then why are you a sorceress?"
"Maybe I'm not." ...Sure.
"...Oh really? Is that why you saved Balamb? Because you weren't a sorceress?!"
"Seifer..."
"Dammit, Quistis, leave me alone."
"..." I turned around and walked toward my dorm... But stopped when I reached the Quad, instead. It was still dark. Use your powers... wrongfully. Lose control. It won't be your fault... No... what am I thinking? I yawned. I don't remember falling asleep last night... Then I remember that pain... The pain I felt... when casting... reflect... Am I not a sorceress anymore?
"Quistis..." No! Not like my dream. No, no, NO!
"Yeah?" I can talk this time... hm.
"Forgive me?"
"...!!"
"Please?"
"You didn't do anything to apologize to me for."
"...I know... I didn't believe you though..."
"You've got good reason."
"But there is better reason on the other side... Quistis, I believe you over Hyne... you know more about yourself..." I turn.
"You sure?"
"Of course." He says.
"...There's something else that I want to do..."
End Chapter.
I became dizzy. I had that feeling you get when you are falling, and are just about to hit the ground with a shattering crash. I stumbled my way out of the library, and made my way to my dorm, with a confused look. I really thought I loved you, Seifer. I was so positive I loved you, Seifer... Why aren't I in love...? Damn you, Hyne. Seifer... I collapsed on to my bed, and felt so empty. I didn't want to move, or get up, or even breathe. I AM in love... I AM! Help me... someone help me... I rolled over on to my stomach, and cried into my pillow. 'Promise you'll never leave me?' 'Never...' 'I just didn't want to hurt you...' But I hurt you... 'What if I can't commit?' Seifer... 'Hyne, I love you, Quistis.' I love you, Seifer... 'Staring at Squall again?' Jealous? 'I watched you cry...' You really cared... 'I betrayed all of you again, dammit!' No... 'Hell no, I'm taken.' You were... Seifer...! I do love you... I do... 'Quistis, no. I really do love you... I wasn't supposed to fall in love... But I did... Thats why I told you... Oh, Quistis.' Maybe we weren't meant to be...
"Seifer..." I cried into my pillow. I love you... right? What if it's just attraction? No... I don't know anymore! I stood up and glared at my reflection... I hate... me. I buried my face in my hands. Why?! Tell me... why me? If this isn't love, it's as close to love as I'll ever be... because I can't love anyone more than him! I just CAN'T! Why am I so fucking screwed up!? Help me... someone.... anyone... help me.
~~~
I woke up at around 1AM, and sighed. I took a shower. I looked alot better now that I had slept. Maybe I should go see Seifer. I headed off to his dorm, and knocked.
"Go the fuck away..." Oh... my...
"Seifer..."
"I SAID go the *fuck* away."
"Seifer... its me... Quistis..." There was silence. Two minutes later the door opened. Seifer looked tired. He obviously hadn't been sleeping. So, I stood in the hall, and through the doorway, he stood. We stared at eachother, not one word was said.
"Did you want something?" He asked, finally.
"Y-yeah."
"Well... what was it?"
"...I wanted to know why you were so upset...earlier." I lied.
"...You know damn well why I was so upset earlier, Quistis!" He nearly yelled.
"Maybe we should go inside..."
"No."
"..."
"Fine." I entered, and he kicked something under the bed. I only seen it for a second, but I recognized it... I couldn't be sure about what it was though.
"Seifer... I do love you..."
"Yeah, sure." He crossed his arms. "...That's why you are a friggin' sorceress, Quistis. I TOLD you, dammit. No one can actually love me. They can care... and be concerned, if I'm lucky, but love?!" ...Seifer... thats not true... why did I come here?
"Seifer, that's NOT true!"
"Yes it is... and you know it!"
"NO! Seifer, you've got it all wrong! I love you, and I'd die one thousand deaths for your happiness... Dammit, I dunno why the hell that doesn't count as LOVE, but... maybe it's just something more! I don't know where you stand with me anymore... But, I know what I feel more than anyone else, even fucking Hyne! You can believe her, or my feelings! The choice is yours!!" I yelled. He stared at me, and I looked at the floor. I held my hand up and waved it in the air and shook my head. I turned around and walked toward the door. He grabbed my arm forcefully and turned me around.
"I will *always* love you, Quistis." He kissed me once.
"...Seifer...?"
"Go back to your dorm Quistis... I'll... I'll talk to you... in the morning."
"Seifer..."
"Go... We'll... talk in the morning."
"Um..."
"Please?!"
"...F-fine..." I left, and went back to my dorm. Now, I'd always had a quick brain but not when everything is so jumbled up and confused. I walked into my dorm and laid on my bed. About ten to fifteen minutes later, I got a headache so I went into the cabinet to grab some aspirin. And I seen them. Green bottle... The color of the bottle kicked under Seifer's bed. I glanced at the label of the green bottle. "Sleep-Aid tablets."
"Seifer... you didn't!" No, Seifer, don't you do this! No! I rush to Seifer's dorm and open the door. Everything is dark and silent.
"Seifer!?" I call out in the dark, fumbling for the light switch. I can't find it, I rush to his bedside. I feel around for his body. Not breathing?! I find a lamp and turn it on. There is a small piece of paper on his chest. I grab it and place it in my pocket, and rush to the infirmary.
~~~
While sitting in the infirmary, I remember the note. I pull it out of my pocket, wiping some tears away with my other hand. I glance at it. That familar hand-writing that I have seen on so many papers seems so special now...
"Quistis... you are the only person I've ever loved... Maybe you just loved me out of pity... Maybe you didn't love me at all... Hyne knows... Oh, Quistis... I love you... But I think I only hurt you... I don't want you to be forced to love me. I know that no one can love me... maybe that's for the best. So, I'll just stop wasting everyone's time... through betrayal, fake love... and hatred." Seifer no... Oh, Seifer... why?! I don't understand...
"Quisits?!" Dr. Kadowaki said.
"Yes?"
"Seifer... he'll be fine... Stupid kid just needs to sleep it off... We got most of the pills out..." She continued to talk, but I'm not listening.
"Can I go in and see him...?"
"He's sleeping, don't wake him up."
"Thanks." I walk into the room. Its dark, except for the moonlight that shines down on his face. I sit beside the bed, and look at him.
"Seifer... Oh, Seifer, why? ...I'm so scared... What if you never wake up... I don't think I'll be able to live without you..." I feel a pain in my chest. Ooh, it hurts...
~~~
I open my eyes. Its still dark out. My head is rested on Seifer's chest... He is still sleeping. I rub my head, and stand up. I feel sort of funny. I look down at Seifer for awhile. I do love you... Five minutes later, his eyes open. He looks up at me.
"Seifer..." I whisper hoarsely. He sits up and continues to stare.
"Why?" He asks.
"...I couldn't let you die..."
"...No, yes you could have..."
"Seifer, you are the most important thing in the world to me..."
"But, you don't love me..."
"I do..."
"Don't lie."
"I'm not."
"...Then why are you a sorceress?"
"Maybe I'm not." ...Sure.
"...Oh really? Is that why you saved Balamb? Because you weren't a sorceress?!"
"Seifer..."
"Dammit, Quistis, leave me alone."
"..." I turned around and walked toward my dorm... But stopped when I reached the Quad, instead. It was still dark. Use your powers... wrongfully. Lose control. It won't be your fault... No... what am I thinking? I yawned. I don't remember falling asleep last night... Then I remember that pain... The pain I felt... when casting... reflect... Am I not a sorceress anymore?
"Quistis..." Seifer called. You just told me to go away... what do you want...?
"Wake up." What? I'm awake! What are you talking about?
"Quistis!" What do you want? Why can't I talk?
"Get UP!" Dammit, I am up?! ...Oh? I am sleeping? Dreaming?
~~~
I look up. My head is rested on Seifer's chest, and he's awake, shaking me.
"I'm sorry." I say, sitting up immediatly.
"Why'd you let me live?" He asks.
"...I couldn't let you die..."
"...No, yes you could have..." Just like my dream... what happens... if he doesn't wake me up?
"Seifer, you are the most important thing in the world to me..."
"But, you don't love me..."
"I do..." Stop it. Why is this going like my dream?!
"Don't lie."
"I'm not."
"...Then why are you a sorceress?"
"Maybe I'm not." ...Sure.
"...Oh really? Is that why you saved Balamb? Because you weren't a sorceress?!"
"Seifer..."
"Dammit, Quistis, leave me alone."
"..." I turned around and walked toward my dorm... But stopped when I reached the Quad, instead. It was still dark. Use your powers... wrongfully. Lose control. It won't be your fault... No... what am I thinking? I yawned. I don't remember falling asleep last night... Then I remember that pain... The pain I felt... when casting... reflect... Am I not a sorceress anymore?
"Quistis..." No! Not like my dream. No, no, NO!
"Yeah?" I can talk this time... hm.
"Forgive me?"
"...!!"
"Please?"
"You didn't do anything to apologize to me for."
"...I know... I didn't believe you though..."
"You've got good reason."
"But there is better reason on the other side... Quistis, I believe you over Hyne... you know more about yourself..." I turn.
"You sure?"
"Of course." He says.
"...There's something else that I want to do..."
End Chapter.