Disclaimer: see part 1.
Part 5
Three words
By Random1377
"Shinji?" Misato's voice came to him over the com-link, "Are you ok?"
He opened his eyes, regarding her through the LCL, "Yeah... I'm fine..." his voice belied the truth.
He looked to his right to find Rei staring at him on the small screen that read Feed from Unit 00. The last few days had been hard on him. Trying to dodge the First Child had proved more difficult than he'd thought... and she had proved far more determined than he had anticipated.
Of course, during a sync test he had nowhere to go.
He looked away from the girl's fiery red eyes, and found himself staring instead into the chocolate brown eyes of his girlfriend, Maya.
He sighed, stirring up bubbles in the LCL, -I can't win,- he thought as he looked from one to the other. In the last few days, it seemed like things with the bridge tech had been deteriorating. He still spent every night with her, but since she had started her period (over now, thank goodness) it seemed to him as if her interest in him was waning.
-I guess I can't really blame her...- he thought with another sigh, -after all, I am just a little boy...-
In the command room, Maya stared at the monitor that displayed her boyfriend's weary face. She knew that he had been losing sleep lately... and felt that she was the cause somehow. -I said I was sorry...- she thought with some agitation, -but something's still bugging him... and he won't let me in.- She frowned, wondering what more she could do. She had already given him the space she felt he needed to work through the problem... but he had only grown more distant.
She suppressed a gasp, -Maybe he's seeing someone else!- The thought... saddened her, -Maybe it's better this way...- she thought as Shinji's eyes found hers once more... and immediately fled, -I don't know why I thought I could make this work.-
The sync test continued in silence
**
After changing, Shinji walked carefully out of the locker room, looking both ways for any sign of Rei. Asuka had promised to keep the First Child busy for a few minutes so he would not have to deal with her (especially after the abysmally low score on his test, it was the last thing he needed), but he still did not feel like taking the chance.
Seeing nothing, he sighed and began walking towards the exit when he passed a side-corridor and found himself face to face with the red-eyed pilot of Unit 00.
"Hello, Ikari..." she said, quickly closing the distance between them.
"Umm... hello, Ayanami." he said, looking around for some way to escape without seeming rude.
"You have been avoiding me, Ikari," she said quietly, coming to stand directly in front of him, "why?"
Shinji gathered his courage, deciding it was time to put a stop to the situation before it got any further out of hand, "Rei, I've been avoiding you because I-"
Rei's patience was wearing thin, and normally she was not so forthright, but she had been waiting for several days to find Shinji alone, and she was not inclined to missing another opportunity. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his again.
All of Shinji's arguments... all of his well thought out statements... all thoughts of anything, vanished from his mind at the heat of her kiss. She tilted her head as he had done days before, and placed a hand on his chest. -This is right,- she thought happily, -Ikari should be with me.- She opened her mouth and ran her tongue across his lips, seeking access.
Shinji's breath became short as he felt Rei trying to open his mouth with her tongue. -Stop this... STOP THIS!- his mind cried, -Maya... what about MAYA!?- His mind struggled to maintain focus as Rei pressed her body against him, -What about her?- a dark corner of his psyche whispered, -She's made it pretty clear that she's getting tired of you. Let it go... Rei likes you...-
As he was on the verge of opening his mouth to let Rei's probing tongue in, an image of Maya sitting in the kitchen came to him. She was just sitting at her table, reading some printout from work with a small frown on her face. It was a simple image - the kind of thing that married man all across the world saw every day. Shinji wondered if any one of them knew how lucky they were.
He pulled back from Rei, breaking the kiss gently. "Rei," he said, his voice shaky, "I don't think that I can kiss you anymore. It wouldn't be fair to Maya... or you." He took a deep breath, "I'm sorry." He turned and walked down the hall, his lips still feeling hers.
"Shinji?" Rei caught his attention by using his first name, and he stopped, turning to face her. She closed the distance between them and took his hands in hers, staring into his eyes. "I love you, Shinji." She said in a firm, quiet, confident voice, "I do not want to stop kissing you... I do not want to stop touching you... and I do not want to stop being close to you."
Shinji tried to grasp what she was saying, "You... love me?" The idea seemed so preposterous that he almost laughed... but looking into her eyes killed any thought of laughter.
"Yes," she said, releasing his hands and sliding her arms under his to embrace him, "tell me now, Shinji," she said softly, "does Miss Ibuki love you? If she does, I will not pursue you any longer..." she leaned closer to him, "but if she does not," her voice lowered to a whisper, "I would like you to try and love me..."
**
Maya stepped around the corner, but immediately ducked back again as she saw Rei talking to Shinji down the hall.
She frowned as she noticed Rei had her arms around Shinji, holding him close. She sighed, "I knew that it couldn't last..." she whispered to herself sadly, "there was just too much against..." she trailed off as Shinji shook his head emphatically and pushed the blue-haired girl gently away from him.
She heard his voice rise for a moment. Her mouth opened in surprise as she heard her own name. And she felt instantly bad for the way she had reacted to the sight of them together as she heard the frantic quality of his tone.
Rei reached up and touched his cheek gently, saying something she could not hear. Shinji bowed his head... and Maya saw the harsh light of the overhead fluorescents glinting off of the tears running down his cheeks as he nodded.
She decided that she should find out what was going on, so she took a step forward... when Shinji gently reached up and moved Rei's hand away from his face. He kissed her hand and let it go, speaking rapidly before turning and running off down the hallway.
Maya's hand clenched into a fist and she strode up to the First Child, who was watching Shinji's retreating figure as it rounded a corner and was gone. "What did you say to him, Rei?" Maya asked angrily as she drew up beside the young pilot.
Rei turned to her, unfazed by her sudden appearance, "I told him that I loved him," she replied calmly, ignoring Maya's stunned look, "and I asked him to love me."
"Why?" Maya stammered after a minute, "Why would you do that, you know that he and I are-"
"You do not love him," Rei cut her off coolly, meeting her eyes, "I would not have approached him if you had love for him, but as you do not, I saw no problem in asking him to be mine."
Maya felt slightly ill, "Why would you think I don't love him, Rei?" she already knew the answer... and finally realized why he had become so distant in the last few days.
"I asked him if you did," Rei answered flatly, "he told me that he loved you deeply," she went on with a small frown as Maya gasped, "and that he could not love me for that reason. He also told me that he could not bring himself to tell you of his love because he was certain that you did not love him in return. He felt that it would better for him to 'Just enjoy it while it lasts' as he put it... though I do not see the logic in his answer."
Maya collapsed against the wall, her hand going to her mouth, -No...- she thought, -oh, God no... he... he loves me...- her eyes widened, -'enjoy it while it lasts', oh... oh no!!- The words she had whispered to herself days before hit her now like a ton of bricks. She looked at the calm red eyes of the pilot of Unit 00, "What did he say when he kissed your hand? Where did he go?"
Rei shook her head, "He did not say where he was going, but he said that he would not be able to see me for a while, or anyone else." She said, looking back down the hall that Shinji had disappeared into, "He said that perhaps after you broke off the relationship he could find room in his heart for me... but until then, there was only enough for you."
Maya's heart lurched as the young woman calmly inquired, "When will you break it off, Miss Ibuki? I would like to begin a relationship with him, because I DO love him... and by being with you, he is wasting time."
Maya felt like she had been punched, -Why didn't I tell him?- she thought, -I've known I loved him for weeks, why didn't I just TELL HIM?!- She knew the reason, though... it was much the same as his own, though not as certain. She had not been sure of his love, and did not want to risk him not loving her in return. It was almost laughable... two people so deeply in love - yet unable to say it for fear that it would be unrequited.
Her mind flashed back to his question of a few days ago, 'Why do you like me?' She moaned in despair as the real questions he was asking struck home: Is there any reason that you like me? Is what you feel the same as what I feel? Am I truly alone in the way I feel? Can't you tell me WHY you like me, so I can at least pretend that there is more?
She realized that Rei was staring at her, awaiting a reply, "You'll have to wait a long time, Miss Ayanami," she said, making her voice as level as possible, "because I love him as much as he loves me... maybe more."
Rei considered this, "I see." She said finally, then turned and began walking away. "I do not think that you will get the chance to express yourself any time soon, Miss Ibuki," she said as she moved away, "he did not sound as if he would be returning in the near future."
Maya stared after her in shock as her words, and the image of Shinji's tear-streaked face, sank in. She ran down the hall Shinji had gone into, but she could not find him. After hours of searching NERV, and every other place she could think of, she finally got into her car and drove to the last place she could think he might have gone, praying that she was wrong... and praying that she was not too late...
Continued...
Thanks to JobFaust for pre-reading.
Feedback is welcome at random1377@yahoo.com
Part 5
Three words
By Random1377
"Shinji?" Misato's voice came to him over the com-link, "Are you ok?"
He opened his eyes, regarding her through the LCL, "Yeah... I'm fine..." his voice belied the truth.
He looked to his right to find Rei staring at him on the small screen that read Feed from Unit 00. The last few days had been hard on him. Trying to dodge the First Child had proved more difficult than he'd thought... and she had proved far more determined than he had anticipated.
Of course, during a sync test he had nowhere to go.
He looked away from the girl's fiery red eyes, and found himself staring instead into the chocolate brown eyes of his girlfriend, Maya.
He sighed, stirring up bubbles in the LCL, -I can't win,- he thought as he looked from one to the other. In the last few days, it seemed like things with the bridge tech had been deteriorating. He still spent every night with her, but since she had started her period (over now, thank goodness) it seemed to him as if her interest in him was waning.
-I guess I can't really blame her...- he thought with another sigh, -after all, I am just a little boy...-
In the command room, Maya stared at the monitor that displayed her boyfriend's weary face. She knew that he had been losing sleep lately... and felt that she was the cause somehow. -I said I was sorry...- she thought with some agitation, -but something's still bugging him... and he won't let me in.- She frowned, wondering what more she could do. She had already given him the space she felt he needed to work through the problem... but he had only grown more distant.
She suppressed a gasp, -Maybe he's seeing someone else!- The thought... saddened her, -Maybe it's better this way...- she thought as Shinji's eyes found hers once more... and immediately fled, -I don't know why I thought I could make this work.-
The sync test continued in silence
**
After changing, Shinji walked carefully out of the locker room, looking both ways for any sign of Rei. Asuka had promised to keep the First Child busy for a few minutes so he would not have to deal with her (especially after the abysmally low score on his test, it was the last thing he needed), but he still did not feel like taking the chance.
Seeing nothing, he sighed and began walking towards the exit when he passed a side-corridor and found himself face to face with the red-eyed pilot of Unit 00.
"Hello, Ikari..." she said, quickly closing the distance between them.
"Umm... hello, Ayanami." he said, looking around for some way to escape without seeming rude.
"You have been avoiding me, Ikari," she said quietly, coming to stand directly in front of him, "why?"
Shinji gathered his courage, deciding it was time to put a stop to the situation before it got any further out of hand, "Rei, I've been avoiding you because I-"
Rei's patience was wearing thin, and normally she was not so forthright, but she had been waiting for several days to find Shinji alone, and she was not inclined to missing another opportunity. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his again.
All of Shinji's arguments... all of his well thought out statements... all thoughts of anything, vanished from his mind at the heat of her kiss. She tilted her head as he had done days before, and placed a hand on his chest. -This is right,- she thought happily, -Ikari should be with me.- She opened her mouth and ran her tongue across his lips, seeking access.
Shinji's breath became short as he felt Rei trying to open his mouth with her tongue. -Stop this... STOP THIS!- his mind cried, -Maya... what about MAYA!?- His mind struggled to maintain focus as Rei pressed her body against him, -What about her?- a dark corner of his psyche whispered, -She's made it pretty clear that she's getting tired of you. Let it go... Rei likes you...-
As he was on the verge of opening his mouth to let Rei's probing tongue in, an image of Maya sitting in the kitchen came to him. She was just sitting at her table, reading some printout from work with a small frown on her face. It was a simple image - the kind of thing that married man all across the world saw every day. Shinji wondered if any one of them knew how lucky they were.
He pulled back from Rei, breaking the kiss gently. "Rei," he said, his voice shaky, "I don't think that I can kiss you anymore. It wouldn't be fair to Maya... or you." He took a deep breath, "I'm sorry." He turned and walked down the hall, his lips still feeling hers.
"Shinji?" Rei caught his attention by using his first name, and he stopped, turning to face her. She closed the distance between them and took his hands in hers, staring into his eyes. "I love you, Shinji." She said in a firm, quiet, confident voice, "I do not want to stop kissing you... I do not want to stop touching you... and I do not want to stop being close to you."
Shinji tried to grasp what she was saying, "You... love me?" The idea seemed so preposterous that he almost laughed... but looking into her eyes killed any thought of laughter.
"Yes," she said, releasing his hands and sliding her arms under his to embrace him, "tell me now, Shinji," she said softly, "does Miss Ibuki love you? If she does, I will not pursue you any longer..." she leaned closer to him, "but if she does not," her voice lowered to a whisper, "I would like you to try and love me..."
**
Maya stepped around the corner, but immediately ducked back again as she saw Rei talking to Shinji down the hall.
She frowned as she noticed Rei had her arms around Shinji, holding him close. She sighed, "I knew that it couldn't last..." she whispered to herself sadly, "there was just too much against..." she trailed off as Shinji shook his head emphatically and pushed the blue-haired girl gently away from him.
She heard his voice rise for a moment. Her mouth opened in surprise as she heard her own name. And she felt instantly bad for the way she had reacted to the sight of them together as she heard the frantic quality of his tone.
Rei reached up and touched his cheek gently, saying something she could not hear. Shinji bowed his head... and Maya saw the harsh light of the overhead fluorescents glinting off of the tears running down his cheeks as he nodded.
She decided that she should find out what was going on, so she took a step forward... when Shinji gently reached up and moved Rei's hand away from his face. He kissed her hand and let it go, speaking rapidly before turning and running off down the hallway.
Maya's hand clenched into a fist and she strode up to the First Child, who was watching Shinji's retreating figure as it rounded a corner and was gone. "What did you say to him, Rei?" Maya asked angrily as she drew up beside the young pilot.
Rei turned to her, unfazed by her sudden appearance, "I told him that I loved him," she replied calmly, ignoring Maya's stunned look, "and I asked him to love me."
"Why?" Maya stammered after a minute, "Why would you do that, you know that he and I are-"
"You do not love him," Rei cut her off coolly, meeting her eyes, "I would not have approached him if you had love for him, but as you do not, I saw no problem in asking him to be mine."
Maya felt slightly ill, "Why would you think I don't love him, Rei?" she already knew the answer... and finally realized why he had become so distant in the last few days.
"I asked him if you did," Rei answered flatly, "he told me that he loved you deeply," she went on with a small frown as Maya gasped, "and that he could not love me for that reason. He also told me that he could not bring himself to tell you of his love because he was certain that you did not love him in return. He felt that it would better for him to 'Just enjoy it while it lasts' as he put it... though I do not see the logic in his answer."
Maya collapsed against the wall, her hand going to her mouth, -No...- she thought, -oh, God no... he... he loves me...- her eyes widened, -'enjoy it while it lasts', oh... oh no!!- The words she had whispered to herself days before hit her now like a ton of bricks. She looked at the calm red eyes of the pilot of Unit 00, "What did he say when he kissed your hand? Where did he go?"
Rei shook her head, "He did not say where he was going, but he said that he would not be able to see me for a while, or anyone else." She said, looking back down the hall that Shinji had disappeared into, "He said that perhaps after you broke off the relationship he could find room in his heart for me... but until then, there was only enough for you."
Maya's heart lurched as the young woman calmly inquired, "When will you break it off, Miss Ibuki? I would like to begin a relationship with him, because I DO love him... and by being with you, he is wasting time."
Maya felt like she had been punched, -Why didn't I tell him?- she thought, -I've known I loved him for weeks, why didn't I just TELL HIM?!- She knew the reason, though... it was much the same as his own, though not as certain. She had not been sure of his love, and did not want to risk him not loving her in return. It was almost laughable... two people so deeply in love - yet unable to say it for fear that it would be unrequited.
Her mind flashed back to his question of a few days ago, 'Why do you like me?' She moaned in despair as the real questions he was asking struck home: Is there any reason that you like me? Is what you feel the same as what I feel? Am I truly alone in the way I feel? Can't you tell me WHY you like me, so I can at least pretend that there is more?
She realized that Rei was staring at her, awaiting a reply, "You'll have to wait a long time, Miss Ayanami," she said, making her voice as level as possible, "because I love him as much as he loves me... maybe more."
Rei considered this, "I see." She said finally, then turned and began walking away. "I do not think that you will get the chance to express yourself any time soon, Miss Ibuki," she said as she moved away, "he did not sound as if he would be returning in the near future."
Maya stared after her in shock as her words, and the image of Shinji's tear-streaked face, sank in. She ran down the hall Shinji had gone into, but she could not find him. After hours of searching NERV, and every other place she could think of, she finally got into her car and drove to the last place she could think he might have gone, praying that she was wrong... and praying that she was not too late...
Continued...
Thanks to JobFaust for pre-reading.
Feedback is welcome at random1377@yahoo.com