Darien
rolls over later in the day. He
gingerly sits up and looks around him. Claire is sleeping fitfully on the couch that she has turned to face
him. He regrets his anger toward
her. She has stayed by his side even
though he has been being a complete idiot lately. His hangover crashes into him, pinning him to the bed. He is nauseous and his emotions are tumbling
around in his head. Claire, Bobby,
Kevin, Allianora, he sees faces all around him and he doesn't know why the room
is spinning.
"Darien,
what's wrong?" Claire asks, waking up
to his moaning in distress.
"Claire,
something's wrong…" He says, "I'm freaking out."
"You're
going into D.T.'s. Alcohol withdrawal. It's been a while since your body has had
any alcohol and it's angry," Claire explains. "I didn't think you had been drinking enough for this to happen."
"Well,
how do I make it stop?" Darien asks,
shaking and looking around anxiously.
"This is
just the beginning, Darien. Look at
me. Do you want to get better?" Claire asks him, taking his face in her
hands. "Are you going to stop
drinking?"
Darien
closes his eyes. He just wants the
chaos to stop. "I don't know."
"Darien. Are you going to stop drinking?" Claire asks again.
Darien
looks at her, helplessly. Finally,
after several minutes, he asks quietly, "Will you help me?"
Claire
almost cries in relief. "Yes, Darien,
I'll help you."
Nothing
soothes Darien for the next few hours. Claire finally calls Bobby to come and help her. Darien tosses, turns, and every movement
hurts his chest and side. He can't
control his stomach and dry heaves almost constantly. He starts to hallucinate and become violent.
Bobby
lets himself in and finds Claire holding Darien's struggling body against the
bed.
"Damn,
this is pretty bad," Bobby says, taking over the restraining of their friend.
Claire
leans back, panting. "He's been really
out of it for the last twenty minutes. He doesn't know where he is or who I am."
"Get off
me, you bastard!" Darien whispers, with
clenched teeth. "I didn't take your
VCR!"
"Jesus,"
Bobby says, as Darien struggles violently. "Isn't there anything you can do?"
"I could
give him a tranquilizer but considering that we're trying to cleanse his body
of drugs, it might not be the right way to go," Claire sighs. She leans over Darien.
"Darien,
it's Claire, do you know who I am?" She
says, trying to reach him through his glazed eyes.
Darien
stares right through her. "I didn't
take your VCR!"
Bobby
lets himself smile.
Claire
goes into the kitchen and pours herself a cup of coffee. "Let's try something different, Bobby. Let him go."
Bobby
releases Darien's arms and Darien, not knowing what to do, becomes passive. He lies still, catching his breath.
"Darien?" Bobby says, quietly.
"Yeah?" Darien asks, looking at him, dazed.
"It's
Bobby, kid, your partner?"
Darien
shakes his sweaty head. "I work
alone. You know that. Ever since Sinclair…" He turns his head
away.
"I wonder
who Sinclair is," Bobby says to Claire. They watch over the now passive Darien from a safe distance. "You ever handle something like this
before?"
Claire
shakes her head. "Nope. I've read about it, but this is more intense
than I could have imagined."
Bobby
nods. "He's having a really rough
time. I had no idea that he was
drinking. I should have paid more
attention. I mean, I knew he was
hurting, but I thought he could handle it."
"He's a
good man. He doesn't deserve this, but
by drinking, he's just making it worse." Claire sighs. "What did you tell
the Official?"
Bobby
takes a swallow of Claire's coffee. "I
said that Fawkes got jumped last night and couldn't come to work for a few
days. He wants you to call him with an
update of his condition."
Darien
has settled down when Claire and Bobby return to his bedside. Claire takes a cool cloth and mops the sweat
from his forehead. Darien's pajamas are
damp with sweat. He looks over to her.
"Claire?"
"I'm
still here, Darien. How're you
doing?" She asks, glad to see
comprehension in his eyes.
"I'm a
little freaked out…hey Bobby," Darien says, sensing his friend's presence.
"Hey
yourself, kid. Glad you recognize me,"
Bobby says.
"As if I
could forget you," Darien snorts. "Keep, how much longer is this going to last, I feel like I'm dying."
"You
shouldn't be sick much longer, Darien, but it could take a couple of days for
you to be well again," Claire replies, honestly.
"I feel
like hell and the only thing that means anything to me right now is getting a
drink, that's the only thing that'll make me feel better," Darien says
sadly. "I didn't think I'd ever want
anything more than counteragent but this…craving…it's unbelievable."
"You have
to fight it, Fawkes. If you could see
yourself…" Bobby stops himself.
"I can
imagine, considering the way I feel, how bad I must be. What I can't figure out is why you guys are
hanging around." Darien looks at
Claire.
"You're
our friend, Darien. No matter what you
tell yourself, I am your friend," Claire says quietly.
Darien
rolls over in his rumpled bed. He
mutters, "Thanks."
Darien
feels better when he wakes up. He sees
Claire dozing on the couch and Bobby is squinting his eyes at one of Darien's
philosophy magazines.
"Hey,
Bobby. Do you think you could give me a
hand?" Darien's throat is sore from the
dry heaving he has been doing, but Bobby hears him.
"What do
you need?"
"I want
to get a shower. I feel dirty. Do I need doctor's clearance for a shower?" Darien looks to Claire who is yawning.
"You
should be okay, but are you sure you're strong enough? You tried to run away a few hours ago but
you were too weak to stand. Maybe a
bath would be better?" Claire smiles,
reassuringly.
Once
Darien swings his legs over the side of the bed, he realizes that Claire is
right. He is overcome with dizziness
and weakness. "Damn. Maybe I'll wait."
"Why
don't you try to eat something? Soup? It'll make you
stronger." Claire goes into his
kitchen.
"You seem
to be feeling better," Bobby remarks, sitting beside his friend.
"I
guess. I can't believe you guys have
been staying with me this whole time. I'm a mess," Darien admits.
"You're
struggling. We all struggle
sometimes." Bobby gets a faraway look
in his eye. "I wish I had seen it
sooner."
"I can't
believe how I have lost control of my life, Bobby. I'm flying blind. I do
what I am told when I am told and that's all I can do. I don't know what else to do but jump
through the Agency's hoops. I miss my
life." Darien sighs hopelessly.
"You have
your life, Darien," Bobby says, quietly. "It may not be the same one you had before, but it is yours. You are the only man that can do this job. Kevin knew that when he sprung you."
Darien
snorts. "Screw that. Kevin needed a lab rat and he found the most
desperate person he could, me. Now I'm
trapped."
Claire
comes in, carrying a tray with a steaming bowl. "You are going to eat this."
"Yes,
mother," Darien replies.
Bobby
wants to continue the conversation. "Isn't there anything that you get out of working for the Agency,
Fawkes?"
Darien
blows on a spoonful of soup, thinking. "I mean, you guys are my friends, but besides that…not really."
"You
would rather be stealing people's things than helping save children? Are you sure?" Claire asks.
"Well
when you put it that way it sounds like I'm a heartless bastard," Darien
remarks. "I just wish that I had a
choice. A little free will."
"But you
don't. You have to make lemonade,"
Bobby says.
"What?" Darien asks, choking on his soup.
"Lemonade. You know. When life hands you lemons…" Bobby starts.
"Make
lemonade, yeah, its just, coming from you…anyway." Darien smiles at Claire.
"He's
right. You have done the best that you
could, Darien and no one expects any more from you than you've already
given. I'm trying my best to get the
gland out of you, but…I'm not Kevin." Claire looks at the floor. "I
don't want you to give up and doing this…drinking, it's like you're giving up."
Darien nods. It hurts him to know that he has caused them
pain. He knows that he needs to talk to
Claire, but he doesn't want to do it in front of Bobby. Darien realizes how important Claire is in
his life. She loved his brother, he
thinks, and he realizes how difficult it must be for her to work with him every
day.
"Who's
Sinclair?" Bobby asks, curious.
Darien
freezes with the spoon halfway to his mouth. His appetite starts to waver. "What?"
"You were
talking about somebody named Sinclair. You said that you worked alone after Sinclair, I was just wondering who
Sinclair was," Bobby replies, watching his reaction with renewed interest.
Darien
slurps his soup as he thinks of what he should say. Sinclair was Darien's partner in crime when he was young. They did all their jobs together. Sinclair was Darien's best friend. Sinclair was killed during a botched museum
job and Darien doesn't allow himself to think about him. Ever. He hasn't repressed the memory, but if he knew how, he would have. He lost so many people, first his mom, then
his best friend. After Sinclair, Darien
never felt the same way about making friends. He became a loner by choice.
"Darien?" Claire breaks through his thoughts. "You alright?"
"Yeah." He doesn't look at Bobby. "Sinclair was an old friend. Someone I don't talk about."
Bobby
slowly nods. "Okay, buddy. I'm sorry for bringing it up, I just thought
that since you mentioned him that…"
"Its
okay. I just don't like to talk about
him," Darien interrupts. "I'm going to
go wash up." Bobby helps Darien hobble
to the bathroom. His wounds throb when
he finally settles, leaning against the sink.
Claire
sticks her head in. "I want to change
your dressings after you're done, Darien. Call me if you need any help." She
leaves.
"You
should ask her for a sponge bath," Bobby jokes.
Darien
smiles. "Maybe later. Can you…" Bobby nods and leaves Darien
alone.
Darien
looks at his pale drawn face in the mirror. He looks like a cancer patient on crack. His face is pale and bruised from the attack and he has dark bags
under his eyes. He has never let his
appearance deteriorate this much. His
hair is plastered against his head. He
thinks back to Sinclair.
"Man, you
think you've got it so bad, Dary, but you're a king in my opinion," Sinclair
said, leaning his short lean body against the fence outside of the ramshackle
house he shared with his father.
"I'm not
a king, I'm a pauper," Darien had replied from the grass beside him.
"Shit,
Dary. You've got a brother who loves
you. He bailed your skinny ass out of
jail while I sat in that cell for three days. You've got an aunt and an uncle who let you stay with them. You've got a car, ghetto as it may be, but
its yours. Damn, Dary, you even get
girls sometimes with that skinny ass, what else do you want?" Sinclair had flicked his cigarette into the
street. "You have to be able to see the
things you have before you can cry about your situation. You could be crippled, Dary, or fucking
homeless, but you're not."
"Shit, Sinc,
I know I have it okay but I'm not happy so I know that I'm missing something,"
Darien replied.
Sinclair
squatted beside him. "The only thing
you're missing is a purpose. You're one
of those dudes who needs something to strive for, a goal or some shit. All you need is something to fight for, like
a cause. You aren't going to be
satisfied robbing houses for the rest of your life; you need the rush, the high
from more action. You're one of those
people who will never be satisfied with what they have but you'll cry like hell
when someone takes it away."
Darien shakes off the memory of his friend. He wonders why after all this time, he
remembers Sinc so vividly all of a sudden. Maybe it's because of his advice. Darien looks at himself in the mirror again then splashes his face and
foams up his chin with shaving cream. Sinclair.
