AUTHOR: Goddess Isa
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com
SUMMARY: Joey celebrates an anniversary and struggles with handling the past and the present
RATING: TV-PG
SPOILER: Mild S1 and S2
DISCLAIMER: Kevin Williamson owns the characters. I don't. The song is by Sarah McLachlan, my hero.
//Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonightIn the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort thereSo tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees\\
Joey Potter tossed and turned in her bed. She couldn't sleep, and there wasn't one single reason why. She was relaxed, it was four a.m., she was dead tired, yet there she lay. It was when she noticed her calendar on the wall that it dawned on her.
It was 4:31 a.m. on July 20th.
The day her mother died.
The time her mother died.
Joey pushed the covers off and got out of bed. She considered going over to Dawson's so she wouldn't have to be alone, but it didn't seem fair to wake him. She started to cry, but fought the tears as she threw a sweatshirt on over her baby tee and boxers and carefully crept outside onto the grass. She went behind the house to the tree her mother loved to lay under and read. She touched the grass gently, the finally knelt down there and started talking.
"I can't believe I almost forgot this. I guess I've just been so busy, with school and work, and Dawson.....I'm sorry Mom."
"For what Joey?"
She looked all around her. Of course no one was there, and yet she was sure that was her mother's voice.
"I'm losing my mind." she pulled her pillow over her head and wished she could just die.
"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, Joey."
She sprang up this time and looked around the room again, as though something might have changed. "Mom?"
"Yes Joey?"
"Where are you?"
"Oh Joey, you've grown up to be such a beautiful young woman."
"Where are you Mom?" Joey kept looking all around her, tears streaming down her face.
"Up here,"
Joey looked up and saw her mother sitting in the tree, wearing a beautiful white dress.
"Mom!" Joey started to climb the tree, but kept falling back down.
"You're better off down there, my sweet baby." her mother told her. "That's where you belong."
"But I wanna be near you! I've missed you so much!"
"I know honey, I've missed you too. That's why I came to see you tonight."
"I have to ask you something."
"What?"
"Why can't I hug you? Are you an angel?" Joey whispered the word as though she almost didn't want to say it out loud.
Her mother didn't really respond, she just smiled and looked at the tree she was sitting in. "Remember Jo, when we used to sit under here and I'd read to you?"
"I'll never forget it."
"I have to go now Joey," her mother said, her voice getting quieter.
"No! No! Mom, don't leave me! Don't leave me alone."
"You're not alone Joey. You have Bessie and Bodie and Alexander and Dawson--"
"They're not my mother. I need you."
"You don't need me Joey. You're doing fine on your own."
"What if I want you? Huh? Can't I be selfish about that one thing?"
Her mother shook her head. "You've never been selfish before. Why do you wanna start now?"
Joey sank back down to her knees. "I don't know," she buried her face in her hands. "It just seems like everything would be different if you were here." Joey waited for a reply but didn't get one.
"Mom?" she opened her eyes slowly and looked up at the tree. Her mother was gone.
When Joey woke up that morning, she found a small gold pin in the shape of an angel on her dresser. She placed it on the collar of her white blouse and went into the kitchen for breakfast.
"Joey," Bessie called. "Joey, come'ere."
Joey came over and Bessie admired the pin. "That pin is beautiful, where did it come from?"
"M-Dawson. He gave it to me." Joey grabbed a bagel and went back out to the tree and took the pin off. She carefully buried it in the grass and looked up at the tree. "I love you Mom."
//You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here\\