The Night Fox Mulder Died
X-Files Disclaimer: Please don't sue, I'll be blue… They're CC's and associates…
Song Disclaimer: "The Night Pat Murphy Died" is a folk song, but I'm going to err on the side of caution and give the credit to Great Big Sea since it's their version I'm using. Haven't heard this? Go, go find the lyrics! Go download the song! Better yet, buy "Play"!
Notes: I took a looooong time to get this up. See, this is what happens when you procrastinate. g Oh well…lol. Feedback, please!
***
(The Lone Gunmen's office. Frohike and Byers are at their respective computers, presumably writing articles. Langly walks in and flops down on the couch. After a few minutes he gets up and goes over to the stereo.)
Langly: It's too damn quiet in here. Geez, how can you guys work without music?
Byers: Langly, no Ramones right now, *please*…
(He stops as the music, which involves a squeezebox and a fiddle and is obviously not British punk, begins to play.)
~
Oh, the night that Spooky Mulder died is a night I'll never forget.
Some of the agents got loaded drunk and they ain't got sober yet.
As long as the bottle was passed around every being was feelin' gay
Then Cancerman struck up a match and all hell broke away!
And that's how they showed their respect for Spooky Mulder
That's how they showed their honor and their pride
And they made bad jokes, to Skinner's shame, and they winked at one another
But every drink in the place was full the night Fox Mulder died!
As Dana Scully sat in the corner pourin' out her grief
Frohike and his gang came tearin' down the street
They found the Consortium archive, and a top-secret file they stole
They hid that file with the corpse to keep their trail cold!
And that's how they showed their respect for Spooky Mulder
That's how they showed their honor and their pride
And they made bad jokes, to Skinner's shame, and they winked at one another
But every drink in the place was full the night Fox Mulder died!
After one too many rounds, Doggett stood up near the door
And he asked Agent Scully what man sired the child she bore
Though we all knew the answer she responded, to our glee
And Doggett's got a black eye now, for all the world to see!
And that's how we showed our respect for Spooky Mulder
That's how we showed our honor and our pride
And we made bad jokes, to Skinner's shame, and we winked at one another
But every drink in the place was full the night Fox Mulder died!
The revelry was still goin' strong at nearly half past three
And they couldn't sober the medics up to do an autopsy
He had no pulse, his skin was grey, they stashed the corpse instead
And it's too bad no one thoroughly checked that Fox was really dead!
And that's how they showed their respect for Spooky Mulder
That's how they showed their honor and their pride
And they made bad jokes, to Skinner's shame, and they winked at one another
But every drink in the place was full the night Fox Mulder died!
Oh, the night that Spooky Mulder died is a night I'll never forget.
Some of the agents got loaded drunk and they ain't been sober yet.
As long as the bottle was passed around every being was feelin' gay
Then Cancerman struck up a match and all hell broke away!
And that's how they showed their respect for Spooky Mulder
That's how they showed their honor and their pride
And they made bad jokes, to Skinner's shame, and they winked at one another
But every drink in the place was full the night Fox Mulder died!
Well, every drink in the place was full the night Fox Mulder died!
~
(The music ends. Byers and Frohike are motionless, stunned by either the song or the un-Langlyness of it all. The youngest Gunman casually pockets his tape and strolls out, unnoticed by either of his co-workers.)
Langly: (under breath) Losers.
(Langly steps into the hall and shuts the door. His form seems to blur and shift, and settles as a stocky, mean-looking man with a prominent chin.)
Bounty hunter: (muttering to self) That was the most pointless thing I've ever done.
(He snorts derisively and leaves.)