by SnapeRulez
Chapter Seven: "A few Surprises"
"You really...you are sure we can´t help?"
"Yes."
Neither of the three moved. Lupin smiled, feeling somewhat proud. Harry and his friends. So young and yet so caring. And how they always managed to find out about the things that were happening at Hogwarts...he wondered how they had managed to this time.
"I do appreciate your concern, Harry, really, but" -he glanced at Ron and Hermione- "I have to...do this on my own."
Lupin knew that telling them how "dangerous" things could get would have no effect at all. Ron wanted to say something, but Hermione kicked him, and he fell silent.
Harry fixed Lupin for another moment, and Lupin felt the familiar shiver he always felt when Harry looked at him. He just looked so much like James that it was like being set back in time. The inquiring, thoughtful look on Harry´s face resembled James´ so much that Lupin half-expected him to state that he would never let Remus live through something this terrible all by himself.
That was what James had once said to Lupin. He could remember the occasion only too well...
Harry, however, turned to leave, resembling Lily´s consideration for privacy rather than James´ determinedness. Ron followed Harry, but Hermione gave Lupin an encouraging smile before she too walked towards the door. The door had nearly been shut already when Harry´s head appeared in the gap once again. "Good luck."
Lupin smiled in response, but Harry had pulled the door shut so quickly he didn´t see it anymore.
How can you forget your past when the walls which surround you, the floor which you set your hesitating feet upon and the ceiling that protects you shout out every bit of it to you?
It was ridiculous. Every step Lupin took was leading him to where he didn´t want to be. To the past. You shouldn´t dwell on the past. You should not live in the past. Especially Lupin should neither dwell on the past nor live in it.
Yet the way his footsteps echoed through the Entrance Hall, the way the flaming torches threw dancing shadows on the walls and floor....it felt like being back in the days when he had been a Hogwarts student himself.
Crossing the Entrance Hall towards the front doors, Lupin had a sick feeling in his stomach. The Shrieking Shack. Not his favorite place at Hogsmeade, not at all......
If he hadn´t been lost in deep thought, he´d probably have realized that someone was waiting for him at the door. Lupin looked up as he approached the figure and recognized Albus Dumbledore´s outline immidiately.
"Albus," Lupin said, and stopped in front of him.
"Good evening, Remus," came the reply. His bright blue eyes looked gray to Lupin. Probably a trick of the light, he told himself.
Dumbledore watched him seriously, before he finally said:
"Let us go to your office. I want to have a word with you."
Lupin stared. "No, we can´t! It´s....there´s only an hour or so left...I need to get to the Shrieking Shack!"
"I´m well aware of the circumstances. You are not going to the Shrieking Shack. I told you so before and I´m telling you again:
I want to have you inside the castle in case...." -he paused- "...something unexpected happens."
Lupin studied the expression on the headmaster´s face. It was that of an determined Albus Dumbledore, and there was little hope of changing his mind, no matter what you said.
Lupin, however, replied:
"It´s too dangerous. Think of the students..."
"I do think of the students. They are perfectly safe. You are, however, only safe within these walls." He took a few steps towards the marble staircase. Lupin followed instinctively.
Back in his office, Lupin couldn´t sit or stand still. He kept pacing his office, as if hoping to escape what was awaiting him. Suddenly Dumbledore, who had sat down in a chair, spoke again.
"So Severus has told you about his brother."
Lupin looked at the old man, slightly irritated. He didn´t feel much like discussing Snape or his brother at the moment.
"Yes," he answered shortly.
"That is a good sign..." said Dumbledore dreamily.
A good sign? I have other things on my mind right now...
For a split second Lupin wished he was in the Shrieking Shack, alone.
If only the night was over, I would know what...
"A clever, kind-hearted child, Aureus (A/N:Au-ree-us)."
Dumbledore´s dreamy voice interrupted Lupin´s thoughts aprubtly.
"What?" Lupin asked, confusion in his voice.
"He was a clever, kind-hearted boy, Aureus Snape."
Lupin stared at the headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, who was sitting on a chair near the fire.
The two of them remained silent for a few moments, before Lupin -not without giving a soundless sigh- pulled up a second chair and sat down on it, facing Dumbledore.
"Did Severus tell you," Dumbledore began once Lupin had settled down, "what happened to his brother?" Lupin nodded.
"He said he drowned."
Dumbledore looked at Lupin thoughtfully.
"Yes. That´s what they say." His voice was very low as he went on:
"I´m quite sure, however, that Severus doesn´t believe it was...an accident."
Lupin frowned. He wasn´t sure what to make of this. Why was Dumbledore telling him all this? Now of all times?
"You are probably wondering why I am telling you this," Dumbledore said quickly. Lupin stared. Maybe the headmaster could read minds after all?
"Well, Remus, I felt like I should try to help you understand a few things." -"Such as?" Lupin replied curiously. Dumbledore sighed slowly.
"You know, Severus always has reasons for doing what he does. The problem is, what he considers to be 'good reasons' very often is not what others would call 'good reasons'."
"I think I know what you mean," Lupin said with a strong hint of dry sarcasm in his voice.
Dumbledore smiled suddenly.
"Again, you have proved my theory." Lupin stared, confused.
"What theory?" Dumbledore leaned forward slightly.
"You, Remus, remind him of his brother Aureus. Well, you are alike pretty much, actually. Intelligent, kind-hearted, considerate, helpful and with a preference of participating in exciting -er- tasks. Aureus was wise for his age, very wise indeed..."
Lupin, wearing a slight frown, ran his right hand through his hair distractedly. It was shaking.
"So you think Severus was trying to help me because I remind him of his brother?"
Dumbledore nodded. "Yes. However, I don´t know if Severus is in fact aware of that."
Lupin found that his whole situation got weirder and weirder. He wondered whether things were ever going to be "normal" again, but then he remembered that he was at Hogwarts, and at Hogwarts things were usually anything but normal....having drawn this conclusion, Lupin wondered why he was feeling so sick all of a sudden...
"Remus?" Dumbledore´s voice brought him back to reality. Straigthening up in his chair, Lupin realized he was sweating and with a wave of his wand, he made the fire die out quickly.
"Remus, I didn´t plan to ask you this right now, but it seems I have changed my mind, most unexpectedly, even to myself."
Lupin gulped. He found it hard to focus his eyes on Dumbledore somehow.
"Is there....something you are not telling me?" Lupin´s heart skipped a beat. His mind raced back to a night in his past, and showed him a fragment of a scene almost forgotten.
"You may answer with 'yes' or 'no' only, if you want to. And, of course, I won´t force you to answer at all, but....Remus?"
Lupin had got up suddenly. His face was very white. In an instant, Dumbledore was at his side.
"Remus?" Lupin didn´t react. He only stood, leaned against the wall for support and stared down at the floor, a blank expression on his face and shaking badly now.
"Remus!" With a vehement movement, Dumbledore grabbed Lupin´s arm. A startled look on his face, Lupin looked up at him. He saw the concerned expression in the headmaster´s eyes, saw that his lips were moving, but he couldn´t hear a sound. There was a pain in his chest, growing stronger rapidly and spreading through his body at an enormous speed.
Lupin knew what this meant. He tried to say something, but he couldn´t make a single movement because of the pain. His office seemed to move away in the background, it was so far away...
Suddenly, Lupin felt something very strange and for a second he thought the wall behind him was giving way and he was falling through it. But, through another spasm of sharp pain, he realized he was actually falling forwards, not backwards. Then, Lupin knew no more. He didn´t even feel Dumbledore catching his unconscious body before it hit the floor.
********
The noise of an argument woke Lupin, many hours later. He didn´t open his eyes. He felt not strong enough for even that little movement. He didn´t feel like he would ever be strong enough to get up again. His legs felt like stone, his arms felt like stone, his whole body felt as if it was made of stone.
However, he knew where he was quite quickly. Hospital wing. He had spent uncountable hours here, he didn´t even need his sharp wolf nose to recognize the smell.
Eyes still closed, Lupin listened to the voices arguing and identified one of them as Madam Pomfrey´s immidiately.
"Oh no, you are not going in there. No visitors. Professor Lupin is still unconsicous, anyway."
Lupin strongly expected either Harry´s, Ron´s or Hermione´s voice to answer and smiled softly at the idea of them trying to convince Madam Pomfrey to let them step in.
It was, however, somebody else´s voice, and Lupin´s eyes flew open in surprise when the silky voice of Severus Snape answered, sounding rather annoyed:
"You´ve told me that twice already. If Lupin´s still unconscious, it can´t harm if I step in, he won´t even realize I´m there. And I am not going to wake him up, Madame Pomfrey, but you are, if you continue to act like a narrow-minded, over-zealous, whining prison guard."
And with those words, the Potions master strode past a speechless Poppy Pomfrey and entered the room.
Lupin turned his head slowly. Snape, realizing that Lupin was awake, stopped dead half-way into the room. He gulped quickly, then he said, sounding a little harsh: "Did I wake you up?"
"Not really. Madame Pomfrey did," Lupin replied, trying to joke, but his voice was so hoarse he didn´t manage to make it sound like a joke. Snape raised his eyebrows, and Lupin was sure he was about to give his own opinion of Madame Pomfrey once again, but Lupin was quicker.
"You were hoping that I was still unconscious so that you wouldn´t have to speak to me, were you not?" "Well, I...believe I thought it might be a good idea to...check how you are."
Lupin wanted to say something, but thought better of it.
"So," Snape went on slowly, "how are you?"
Lupin felt a slight rush of anger at Snape asking something which ought to be obvious, but his anger made Lupin´s head ache, so he answered slowly:
"I feel...odd. And very weak. I think I´ll never leave the hospital wing again."
Snape glanced at the door, where Madame Pomfrey had been standing earlier, and said, the familiar sneer playing about his mouth again:
"You will, believe me. Nobody can stand to be here for more than a week. Unless they are unconscious or sleeping. I think that´s why Madame Pomfrey always wants me to brew so many Sleeping Potions."
Lupin suddenly remembered why he was here.
"What happened?"
"Ah, well, nobody knows, really. It was time to transform for you, but...." Snape broke off.
Lupin frowned. "But I did not." Snape nodded shortly. "You...er, fainted."
Lupin sighed. "Great. Only thing I have to do now is to find out why. Just great."
Snape walked a little closer. "Dumbledore has told you about the connection between mind and wolf?" Lupin nodded.
"And about the blockade?" Lupin nodded again.
"I think when the potion kept you from transforming, it only made you keep your human shape, but the wolfish feelings, the aggressions remained."
Lupin looked up at him. "But still," Snape went on, "it doesn´t really explain why you didn´t transfrom this time. So there must be a mental blockade. But that means..." he hesitated.
"That means that there´s a little more too it. A potion like that alone couldn´t do it."
He gave Lupin a piercing look. Lupin wondered what he should say. He´d never told anyone of...that night. And he wasn´t going to do so right now. Snape waited.
"Did you never try to 'unblock' it? You know, never tried to get 'normal'again?" Lupin asked.
This was not the answer that Snape had expected.
"I see you´re not going to tell me," he spat angrily, "but I will tell you something now. It´s a secret, sort of."
Lupin frowned. What was Snape going to tell him? Lupin felt nothing could surprise him any more.
"I did realize that everybody except my Slytherin gang hated me at school and I did wonder what it would be like if I still was a werewolf, without that anger and hate in me."
He took a few deep breaths before he continued.
"And I also had my own little theory about you. I was quite sure you were a werewolf when I followed you through the Whomping Willow. And the reason I went after you was that I had truly hoped to receive a bite from you."