Slayers is the property of Kadokawa Shoten and Central Park Media.
FILIA: Well, money's money, right? That's how I, Filia Ul Copt, find myself tagging
along with a group of brain dead humans and…*GROWL*…Xellos… on some ludicrous
adventure to find Miss Lina and Mister Zelgadis… Now if only that damned Mazoku
would stop staring at me! I swear! He's been acting so odd lately!
XELLOS: Tea, Filia chan? I made it the way you like it…lots of lemon… *SMILE*
FILIA: ARGH!!! See what I mean?! I know he's up to something, but I can't figure out
what! There! He's doing it again! He's staring at me with that damn goofy grin on his
face! *SIGH* Maybe this was a bad idea…
Faces: After!
Part 4
Spring!
When a Young Mazoku's Fancy Lightly Turns to Thoughts of Dragons!
*Clack! Click Clack!*
Shadow Lina looked to her left and saw the blonde dragon woman working
furiously at an abacus. Filia Ul Copt paused for a moment and drew a few numbers in the
air with her fingers, mouthing the numbers silently as she ciphered them. She must have
gotten the answer she was looking for because she went right back to working on the
abacus a moment later.
*Clack! Clack!*
"Um…Miss Dragon Lady?" Shadow Lina began. She and Filia were at the back of
the small group walking down the country road, their leader/employer boldly leading the
way. "What are you doing?"
Filia turned to her and smiled. "I have to think about little Val's future, after all.
So before we left that last town, I took the money Miss Naga gave me and invested it in a
coffee house. Starluck's!"
Shadow Lina blinked. "Cof…fee?" she asked.
"It's some new beverage that's catching on," Filia replied with a wave of her
hand. "So, I sunk some money into it and now I'm trying to find out what it'll be worth in a
few years." She held up the abacus. "See? Even at five percent I'm doing pretty good!"
"My, my, Filia chan!" Xellos remarked, suddenly appearing behind the dragon. "I
had no idea you were so fiscally minded!"
"Hmmph! Just because Lina and the others spent money like water doesn't mean I
don't know how to pinch the head off a goldpiece! I need this money for Val's future!"
"How forward-thinking of you!" Xellos applauded.
"Where have you been lately anyway?" Filia asked. "You disappeared right after
that whole copii incident. Not that *I* minded your absence, but Miss Naga was rather
irked that she had to pay for her own meal…" She rolled her eyes at the thought.
Xellos smiled. "Ah, yes…I had a few matters to attend to back home."
"I thought you were in exile?" Filia asked with narrowed eyes.
"I'm not exiled," he told her with a wag of his finger. "I'm…On sabbatical!"
"What does that mean?" Shadow Lina asked.
"It means that I have some time off to…take care of a few personal matters, my
dear," Xellos told her.
"Just say it," Filia admonished him. "You ticked off Metallium, and now you can't
show your face around that horrible place without her burning it off."
Xellos laughed. "My, Filia chan! You're witty today! Here, let me carry that
heavy abacus for you!" He took the device from the dragon and carried it.
Filia just blinked, then frowned at him. "What are you up to?"
"Me? Up to something? Whatever could I be up to? I just thought it'd be a nice,
gentlemanly gesture to carry your abacus for you."
"Aww!" Shadow Lina cried, clapping in delight. "Isn't that sweet, Miss Filia!?"
The golden dragon grit her teeth. She wanted to pound Xellos. She really did. But
how the hell do you justify flattening someone with a mace for doing something nice?
Of course, considering WHO it was who was being nice, that made the whole
situation immediately suspicious.
"Side-Kick of Questionable Worth?! Is that you?!" they heard from the front of the
group.
"Com-ing!" Xellos cried. "I'll just carry this for you, Filia chan," he said, patting
the abacus. "See you for tea later, perhaps? Ta ta!" With that, he vanished.
Filia shook her head and smacked herself in the cheek. That was NOT just Xellos
being nice to her…It couldn't have been…
"Isn't he sweet?" Shadow Lina asked, clasping her hands and blushing. "Kind of
like Lord Jeffrey…"
(It's gotta be a copii…) Filia mused.
"Side-Kick of Questionable Worth, if you are going to remain my side-kick, you
simply CANNOT just up and leave whenever you like," Naga chastised Xellos as he
appeared next to her.
Xellos reached into his robes and pulled out an emerald. "Do forgive me, Miss
Naga. I was just fetching this for you."
Naga's tongue rolled out of her mouth as she began to salivate at the sight of the
gem. It was the size of her fist and flawless.
She snatched the gem and shoved it into her pouch. "You're forgiven. Now where
have you been?"
"If you must know, I was testing the waters back home. It appears that for the time
being, it'd be better if I remained your Side-Kick of Questionable Worth."
"Excellent!" Naga cried, patting him on the back.
"Yes," Xellos murmured. "I also had the opportunity to do some scouting."
"Oh?" Naga asked. "I know the way well enough. You needn't have bothered."
Xellos reached into his robes again and removed a guidebook. "Oh, so you already
know about the Goblin fortress of Thregeth…"
She stopped in her tracks. "Pardon?"
The Mazoku flipped the pages of his book and found the right one. He showed a
picture to the White Serpent and began. "It appears that not far ahead and a few miles to
the south are the ruins of a Goblin stronghold named Thregeth." Naga grabbed the book
from him and began to study the pictures…particularly the ones featuring gold and riches.
"During the War of the Monster's Fall, it was where the Great Goblin Council met to
discuss strategy. They WERE our allies, after all, and allies that didn't pull their weight
usually didn't remain our allies for very long, if you know what I mean."
Naga turned the page and found a picture of a Goblin king wearing a ring with a
pearl the size of a racquetball. She began to drool.
Xellos saw the picture. "Ah, yes. Jareth. Delightful man, but a little too easily
taken by a pretty face. Anyway, as I recall, it was so well fortified that it's where many of
the Goblin nobility chose to reside during the war." He grinned. "Then they all died! The
end!"
The sorceress blinked. "What do you mean?"
Xellos smiled at her. "We came to the conclusion that the Goblins were not pulling
their weight." His smile widened into a dangerous grin.
"I see."
"But it's all still there. Underground. Just some damp walls, dusty corridors, and
all those Goblin skeletons, unchanged since the day they died."
The White Serpent smiled. "Unchanged, you say?"
"Definitely."
"So they'd still be wearing all the jewelry they died with?"
"I would assume so. As long as no one's disturbed the site. But with it being
underground and hidden, what are the odds of that?"
"HUDDLE!!" Naga screamed. In seconds, her gang was arranged in a huddle. She
heard Shadow Lina and Jeffrey bump heads and apologize to each other; the signal that the
meeting had officially begun. "Side-Kick of Questionable Worth here has just informed me
of a potential treasure located in that direction." She reached out of the huddle and pointed
south, telling them quickly about the hidden fortress.
"I thought we were trying to find Miss Lina and the others?" Filia asked, blinking.
"We are!" Naga shot back. "And if I know Lina the way I do, then there's a chance
she's in there taking MY treasure! Little thief…"
"Miss Naga!" Jeffrey threw in, "If you're right, then we should move fast! That
fortress sounds like the perfect place for an ambush! They might be in trouble!"
"That's the spirit, Jeffrey!" Naga cried, slapping him on the back.
"You're amazing, Lord Jeffrey!" Shadow Lina cried.
Filia rubbed her temples and sighed in annoyance.
"Do you have a headache, Filia chan?" Xellos asked. He held out a couple of
pills. "Would you like some aspirin?"
"No…thank you," Filia bit out. Who knew what those pills did?
"Then we're in agreement!" the White Serpent cried. "TREASURE HO!
OOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!"
"Okay, Jeffrey! A little to the left now!" Naga called out, double checking the map
in Xellos' guidebook.
Fifty feet away, standing in what appeared to be an ordinary field, Jeffrey took
three steps to his left.
The rest of the group was huddled around Naga as she checked over the map again.
She adjusted her sunglasses and looked up at where Jeffrey was. "Okay! Now take two
steps forward!"
Jeffrey complied.
"Miss Naga?" Shadow Lina began, "Is it really safe for Lord Jeffrey to be out
there?"
"Oh, perfectly safe!" Naga assured her with a smile.
"Then why are we all hiding on this end of the field?" the shadow asked her.
"Um…For safety!" Naga explained. "Okay, Jeffrey! Now one step to the right!"
Jeffrey complied. "Good! Right there! Now, jump up and down!"
Out in the field, the young, would-be knight began to jump up and down.
"This is ridiculous!" Filia cried. "What is that supposed to do!?"
Jeffrey cried out and suddenly disappeared.
"Lord Jeffrey!" Shadow Lina cried fearfully.
Naga slammed the book shut and smiled. "Found it!" She marched out into the
field in Jeffrey's direction. Soon, they were standing around a large hole exactly where the
young man had been standing. Broken pieces of rotten wood surrounded the hole,
suggesting that there had been a door there before Jeffrey had fallen through it. They
looked down and found the 'warrior' sitting on the dirt floor twenty feet down. He looked
up at them.
"Look, Miss Naga! I found the entrance!"
"Excellent work, Jeffrey!" Naga announced. She held out her hand. "LIGHTING!"
A ball of light appeared in her hand. She began to climb down.
The tunnel they had found was merely an antechamber. Before long, the gang of
unbeatable heroes found themselves in a much larger cavern.
"We must have gone down farther than we thought," Shadow Lina remarked,
looking up at the high ceiling of the cave almost a hundred feet up. Broken pieces of
ladders were strewn about the floor, probably leading to the several holes and doorways
that littered that sides of the caves at different heights.
"Miss Naga! Look what I found!" Jeffrey called out. Naga took her lighting spell
towards the voice, leaving Filia temporarily in darkness.
"Allow me," she heard as she fumbled for a light spell of her own. A red light
washed over her face from the gem in Xellos' staff. He was smiling.
"Er…thank you," the dragon said. She felt another headache coming on.
"Hmmm," she heard from behind her. She turned and found Naga inspecting a
large hole in the floor ten meters across. She took a breath and made a few hocking noises.
Then spit into it. She listened.
Nothing.
"Excellent!" she cried. "OOOOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!! This must be where
they've hidden their treasures!"
"What makes you say that?" Shadow Lina asked.
"Because no one would hide their valuables near the entrance! It must be down
there!" She stood on the edge of the chasm. "LEVITATION!" Slowly, the White Serpent
began to float down into the hole.
Without warning, there was a suddenly whoosh of air! Naga shot out of the hole
and into the ceiling!
Then fell to the floor…
"Ouch," Jeffrey remarked.
Naga weakly stood up and dusted herself off. She growled and marched back to the
hole. She looked into it and pointed her hands downward. "FIREBALL!" A ball of flame
leapt from her hands and down into the pit. There was another whoosh of air, and the
fireball was stopped cold, immobilized until it finally dissipated.
"Miss Naga?" Shadow Lina asked.
"It's a defense mechanism," Naga told them. "It feeds off the magic energy that
enters it and uses that energy for that wind spell."
"So…if we don't use magic we're okay?" the redhead asked.
"Something like that. Here, help me."
While Jeffrey and Shadow Lina helped the White Serpent, Filia was standing off to
the side, looking at the pictures painted on the walls.
"Filia chan!"
She looked up and found Xellos standing in the entrance of one of the caves about
sixty feet up. "I think I found something you might be interested in. Come up here."
The golden dragon growled and turned back to the wall, ignoring him.
"Filia chan! Filia chan!" the Mazoku continued to call out. "Filia chan! Can you
hear me!? Filia chan! Filia chan! Filia chaaaaaaaaaaaaan!"
"All right, dammit!" the blonde shouted back. "I'm coming! Just shut up!" She
disappeared in a flash of golden light and reappeared next to him in the cave doorway, only
an inch from the ledge. Xellos reached out and steadied her.
"Careful," he warned.
"So what's so important it couldn't wait?" Filia asked him.
"This way," Xellos told her, walking deeper into the cave.
The dragon sighed and gave up, following the Mazoku priest inside.
The pulley creaked as Naga and Shadow Lina strained, slowly lowering the
hapless young man into the hole.
Jeffrey, suspended by the rope hooked to his belt, waved a torch around as he
descended. So far there was nothing to see. Just the stone walls. He pointed the torch
downward but couldn't make anything out.
"Lord Jeffrey, are you okay?" Shadow Lina called down.
"Yeah, I'm okay," he shouted back. "Keep going."
"That young man is going on a diet," Naga bit out as she strained against the rope.
"You know," they heard from the pit, "It's a good thing you had me along." The
two girls ignored him, concentrating on lowering him. "I mean, neither one of you would
have lasted this far."
Naga arched an eyebrow.
"It's dark," he told them. "And there are spiders…"
"Spiders?!" Shadow Lina squeaked, letting go of the rope. Naga oomph'd as the
entire sum of the boy's wait was suddenly placed in her hands, but managed to keep the
boy from falling.
"Yeah," Jeffrey called back. "You girls are lucky to have a brave heroic man
along to take care of stuff like this for you."
Naga grit her teeth, smiled, and let go of the rope.
The pulley squealed loudly as twenty feet of rope ran through it in a few seconds.
There was a loud *THUD!*, and it stopped.
The White Serpent looked down the hole. "Oh, Lord Jeffrey!" she squeaked.
"Forgive me! I guess it was just too much for a weak little girl like me!"
"No…problem…Miss Naga…" Jeffrey weakly called back.
Filia looked around the chamber and shrugged. "It's empty," she stated. "Why is
this so important."
"Filia chan, I must admit, there is nothing here," Xellos told her with a sigh.
The blonde's hand went to her mace. "What are you up to?" she asked
dangerously. He wouldn't hurt her…right? He could've done that at any time…right?
"I just want to talk to you, Filia chan," Xellos said with a smile. "Alone."
Filia took a step back towards the exit. Xellos didn't seem to notice. She turned
and ran towards the exit, only to find him standing there. He smiled. "Where are you
going, Little Dragon?" he asked.
"I don't know what you want," she growled, lifting her mace. "But if you take one
step towards me, I'll…"
"I'm not going to hurt you, Filia chan," he replied, his grin never wavering. "I told
you. I just want to talk."
"Talk about what?" the dragon asked, not lowering her mace.
"Us."
"What us?! What are you talking about?!"
"Filia chan," he said sweetly, taking a step toward her. "As you know, I recently
took a trip home…"
"Yeah?! So?!"
"Do you know what time of year it is on Wolfpack Island right now?" he asked
her. She shook her head. "It's spring, Filia chan. When a young Mazoku's fancy lightly
turns to thoughts of love."
Filia blinked. Then laughed out loud. "Oh, I'm just sure it is!" she cried bitterly.
"Mazoku are incapable of feeling anything like that! Joke's over, Xellos! Now get out of
my way!"
He didn't move. "Truthfully, yes. Mazoku cannot feel love in the same way other
races do." He took another step forward. "But I'm not just talking about that primitive
emotion." The trickster priest bent down until his face was an inch from Filia's. "I'm
talking about passion…fire…" He grinned evilly. "Animal lust…"
Filia gulped and took a step back.
"You see, Filia chan, when I returned to Wolfpack Island, it suddenly dawned on
me… I'm more than a thousand years old."
"S…So?" she asked, unnerved.
He took another step forward, not allowing her to get away. "So…I've reached
Peak without even realizing it."
"What's Peak?" she asked.
"Peak, my dear Filia chan, is the point in a Mazoku's life when he or she seeks out
a suitable mate." He grinned at her.
She took a step back. "And this affects me how…?"
His grin widened. "Because, Little Dragon, I've decided that you are to be the
mother of my children."
"Well where the hell have Side-Kick of Questionable Worth and my Deus Ex
Machina got to?!" Naga cried as she descended and hit the ground next to Jeffrey. She
tugged the rope twice, and Shadow Lina began to come down herself.
She waved the torch around and frowned. "And where the hell is the treasure?!"
"It must be down here," Jeffrey said, pointing down a narrow corridor.
Someone squeaked behind them, and they turned to see Shadow Lina sitting on the
ground next to the rope, rubbing her backside. "Itai…"
"Are you okay, Miss Lina?" Jeffrey asked, offering her a hand.
Shadow Lina blushed and looked away. "Thank you, Lord Jeffrey," she murmured
quietly, taking his hand.
"BARF!" Naga shouted. "Let's find the treasure and get out of here, okay!?"
The swordsman and sorceress stood up and followed as Naga started down the
corridor.
Xellos dodged another swing of the mace, which ended up taking out a chunk of the
stone wall behind him. "There! You see?! This is why I chose you, Little Dragon!"
Filia screamed and swung again!
"You're so beautiful when you lose your temper!" Xellos remarked as he ducked
again. "And your emotional state is just right! Like fine wine!" He jumped to the side as
the spiked implement of destruction hit the wall next to him and stuck there.
The dragon tugged at the handle of the mace, trying to dislodge it, but this time she
had swung too hard. The weapon wasn't going anywhere without help. She turned as
Xellos appeared behind her.
"Oh, allow me," he said, reaching out and pulling the mace out of the wall. He
handed it to her.
"Oh, thank you very much," Filia told him with a smile. She grit her teeth and
started swinging again. The priest went back to dodging her attacks.
"Really, Filia chan! I realize you're excited, but it's just not right for us to go this
far in our relationship yet," he told her.
The dragon paused for a moment, panting for breath. "Keep…your
dirty…claws…off of me…Mazoku…" she gasped out in exhaustion.
He clucked at her. "Filia chan, honestly, do you think I'd take you by force?"
She pointed her mace at him.
The Mazoku looked hurt. "We're going to be together for eternity," he told her. "I
wouldn't want to start our relationship with that. I want you to come to me."
"AND THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!" she shrieked.
"Ooh! I like that!" Xellos told her. "Do it again!"
She screamed in frustration.
"That's the stuff," Xellos sighed in contentment.
"You must be insane!" Filia cried. "That's it, isn't it?! Metallium lobotomized
you as a punishment, didn't she?!"
Xellos put his finger to his lip in thought. "No…Then again, if she did, it's not like
I'd REMEMBER it…."
"Why me?" she growled. "Go find some horrible Mazoku woman to bear your
monsters for you!"
He frowned. "Normally, that's the acceptable thing to do, however…"
"However?"
"They're all skanks," he said detestedly. "And I can't talk to any of them the way I
do with you, Filia chan."
"Since when do we talk?!"
"All the time!"
Filia rubbed her temple again. She felt cold hands on either side of her head and
opened her eyes to find Xellos rubbing them for her.
"There there," he cooed.
She screamed and swung her mace again. The Mazoku disappeared and
reappeared again nearby. "Look," she bit out, trying desperately to gain control of the
situation. "As…flattered…as I am by the proposal, it just wouldn't work out."
"Why not?" he asked.
"Well…for one thing, you're a Mazoku and I hate you."
"See?! We already have something in our favor! If we have hate, Filia chan, we
have EVERYTHING!"
She growled. "And I'm a dragon," she bit out, "And I will ALWAYS hate you!"
"I'm still not seeing the problem," he told her with a shrug.
"We're not compatible!" she cried.
"Compatible?" he mused. He brightened a moment later. "Oh! You're concerned
about the PHYSICAL aspect of our relationship!"
"No, I'm…"
"Worry not, dear Little Dragon!" he cried. "I can easily take care of that. I AM a
Mazoku, after all. A body is merely a cape to be worn or tossed aside at will! If you
prefer, once we're mated, I could look like this…" He broke off as he began to grow,
simultaneously changing shape and color. Wings and a tail sprouted from his back. Within
a minute, Xellos, as she knew him, was no longer there.
He was standing there as a dragon. A golden dragon.
Filia's breath caught in her throat. He was by far the most magnificent male she
had ever seen in her life. The horns on top of his head were straight and sharp. His wings
were smooth and flawless….
And he had a tail she could just sink her teeth into…
In human terms, if Mel Gibson were a dragon…
He'd still have nothing on Xellos.
(IT'S STILL XELLOS!!!) her mind screamed at her.
The dragon smiled down at her. "Do you prefer this form, Filia chan?" Xellos
asked her.
(Oh, dear Cepheid, even his smile is perfect…)
She suddenly found him leaning closer to her. "Hmmm?" he asked. "We could
nestle together in a warm cave while the rain falls outside, out tails intertwined and playing
with one another…"
Filia shivered, but managed to get a hold of herself. She bit her lip and looked up
at him. "It still wouldn't work," she stated firmly.
The golden dragon before her blinked. "No?" he asked. He hmm'd and searched
his mind for an answer. "Ah! I get it! I see now!" he cried. "You're
more…unorthodox…" He grinned. "I should have guessed. You would much rather I
look…."
There was a flash of light, and suddenly, instead of a dragon, Lina Inverse stood
before her. Filia blinked.
"…Like this…" Lina smiled.
The priestess' eyes went wide. "What the…"
Lina-Xellos grinned and sashayed towards her, placing his-her hands on her
shoulders. "I wasn't aware before, Filia chan," Lina-Xellos told her. "But if you prefer it
this way, gender doesn't mean much of anything to the Mazoku…"
Filia shut her eyes and grit her teeth. She took a deep breath and…
"I AM NOT A LESBIAN!!!"
The echo reverberated through the entire cavern.
LESBIAN!!!!
LESBIAN!
Lesbian!
Lesbian…
Shadow Lina looked up and blinked as she heard it. "That sounded like Miss
Dragon Lady," she pondered.
"Miss Naga, what's a lesbian?" Jeffrey asked.
"Remember the original Lina?" Naga asked him with a smile. He nodded.
"THAT'S a lesbian!" she informed him.
"Ohhh!" Jeffrey and Shadow Lina replied.
"Well now that the two of you are caught up, let's split up and look for that
treasure!" They had entered a hub of some kind. Corridors led off in several different
directions. "We'll meet back here in an hour with whatever you find, got it?"
They nodded and started down two different tunnels. Naga threw her hair back and
marched confidently into another, her laugh echoing throughout the entire cavern.
"Okay, so I was wrong," Xellos, now back to his human form, said with a shrug.
"No need to be insulted…"
Filia, meanwhile, was growling in barely repressed rage. "I don't care what kind
of forms you can take," she hissed. "I want nothing to do with you! Your presence is
repulsive to me!"
He smiled at her. "Filia chan, you seem to be under the impression that I'm asking
for your permission. This isn't so. We are going to be together, and you are going to bear
my children. It's already written in the stars. The sooner you accept it, the better."
"What are you talking about?!" Filia growled at him.
"I had a little talk with Fate and…"
She glared at him. "Fate?" she asked.
"Oh yes! Delightful woman…for a Shinzoku…but she DID owe me a favor, so…"
The dragon balled her hands into fists and grit her teeth. "I don't believe in fate,"
she said quietly. "I believe in free will…"
"Of course you do," Xellos told her, patting her on the head. "But it won't change
anything. The universe itself will make sure that we're always together."
"I'll fly away," she told him smugly.
"As if I couldn't catch you?" Xellos winked.
"I'll blast you into pieces," she hissed.
"Bigger dragons than you have tried," he reminded her.
She growled again.
"Are you aware of how sexy you sound when you do that, Little Dragon?" he asked
her with an arched eyebrow.
She swung her mace again.
"Now, Filia chan, surely it wouldn't be THAT bad," he said. "Wouldn't you LIKE
someone to be there at the end of the day? Someone to make you a cup of tea and rub your
cute dragon feet and ask about your day? I can do all that…"
Filia took a breath. "Listen to me," she said quietly, her voice on a razor's edge.
"I…will…NEVER…marry you."
Xellos thought on this and frowned. "Would the other dragons approve of you
having children out of wedlock?"
She screamed and launched herself at him, swinging her mace wildly. This was it!
He had finally pushed her over the edge with that smartass mouth of his! She was going to
pound that face of his into jelly if it took her forever! Hell! She might just agree to marry
him just so she'd have the CHANCE!!!
Xellos dodged every attack expertly, but making no offensive moves of his own.
Instead, he basked in the torrent of emotions Filia chan was sending his way, feeding off
them. It made him feel so special when she did that…
"YOU'RE AN ANATHEMA!" she screamed. "A HORRIBLE CREATURE
THAT LIVES OFF THE SUFFERING OF OTHERS!!!"
"Stop it! I'm blushing!" Xellos cried.
She stopped, panting in exertion. "I don't care what you or Fate says!" she cried at
him. "I'll die before I let you touch me!"
He disappeared and reappeared behind her, laying a single finger on her shoulder.
"Touch," he said.
She screamed.
Shadow Lina looked up at the stone ceiling and hmm'd. "I hope Miss Dragon Lady
is okay," she mused. She looked around at the large room she found herself in. There
were shelves of books, most of them degraded into dust by now, lining the walls. Nothing
that Miss Naga would consider treasure, though.
Her gaze fell on one book in particular, a leather-bound volume that seemed to be
immune to the exposure and time that had destroyed the others, for it sat there, still intact.
She pulled it from the shelf and looked at the title.
"C…Care?" she read, squinting down at it. The title was smudged, worn away.
Apparently, time's touch was not TOTALLY unwelcome. "Care….B..Bi…Bears?"
She looked up and blinked.
"Care Bears?"
"This…SO…blows," Naga muttered, checking yet another room.
Nothing….AGAIN. She sighed and started down the corridor. Oh, there were plenty of
goblin skeletons, but they were peons, the most expensive things on their bodies were their
rawhide shirts.
(Mental note,) she thought to herself. (Beat up Side-Kick of Questionable
Worth…)
She was almost back to the hub when she heard something. The sound of metal
clanking together.
(GOLD! JEWELS! JEFFREY AND SHADOW LINA FOUND SOMETHING!
SCORE!!!) She entered the hub and stopped in her tracks.
Jeffrey looked up and smiled. "Miss Naga! Take a look at all the cool treasure I
found!"
Naga's face fell.
"Yeah! I found this cool set of goblin armor! And this sweet scimitar!" He made
a few movements with the sword, trying to fake a kata. "And I got this cool chain mail!
And check out this helmet!" He pointed to the horned helm atop his head.
"Great, Jeffrey," Naga muttered. "You moronic sap," she mumbled.
She realized what she had said three seconds after saying it and covered her mouth
with her hand. The wind began to blow from one of the tunnels.
"Oh no!"
She looked back and saw a pair of glowing red eyes at the other end of the dark
corridor.
Suddenly, they were rushing towards her. Naga began to backpedal desperately.
"MY JEFFREY IS NOT A SAP!!!" she heard Josephine cry. "MATERNAL
INSTINCT CORKSCREW ATTACK!!!"
A large woman holding a large mallet came fling out of the corridor, spinning like a
broken arrow!
Naga screamed.
*WHAM!!!!*
"Bye, tourist lady!" Jeffrey called with a wave as Josephine disappeared back
down the corridor. He looked to his right and found Naga imbedded into the wall,
unconscious.
"What do I have to do to get it through your head that I don't want to be your mate?"
Filia asked him quietly. She was sitting on the ground, her eyes closed, rubbing her
temples with her fingertips.
"Well, I'm sure Gourry doesn't want to be a moron, but wishing something doesn't
make it true, now does it?" Xellos retorted.
Her eyes flashed as she looked up at him. "Okay, let's look at this logically…"
"Oh good! Logic!" Xellos said, clapping his hands together. He sighed and
mumbled, "That almost sometimes works…"
She ignored him. "You say that you and I are predestined to be mates," she stated.
"Correct."
"There's nothing I can do about it."
"Likewise correct."
"BUT," she went on, "You also say that I have to come to you."
"Er…yes…"
"So…your whole lame plan depends on me somehow falling desperately in love
with you and agreeing to all this sometime down the road."
"True…" he said.
"Then all I have to do to get out of this is never agree?"
Xellos thought for a few moments. "That is so."
She looked up at him. "And that doesn't strike you as a fatal flaw in your plan?"
He shrugged. "Fate said it would happen. Which means that one day you'll come
to me and beg to be my mate."
The dragon stood up. "Fine. If…IF…one day, I am THAT desperate for someone,
that I would actually go out and get DRUNK enough for you to be counted as a possible
suitor and go to you…I'll be your mate."
"There! See?! That wasn't so hard!" Xellos said, smiling.
"Now, I'm going back outside and find someplace where I can clean the slime of
the last couple of hours off. Excuse me." She walked past him and out the door.
Xellos smiled. "Ah, Xellos, you truly are a dragon's Mazoku." With that, he
disappeared.
"Wow, Miss Naga," Jeffrey huffed. "You need to go on a diet." He continued to
drag the unconscious sorceress by the feet, face down, through the corridor towards the
rope leading to the entrance. He finally reached the line and dropped her, wiping the sweat
off his brow.
"Lord Jeffrey!" he heard behind him. He turned and found Shadow Lina trotting up
to him.
"Hi, Miss Lina!" Jeffrey called with a wave.
Shadow Lina blushed, then blinked and gasped when she saw Naga. "What
happened?!"
"Miss Naga was hit by a tourist," Jeffrey told her. "So I hoisted her onto my back
and carried her here to safety!"
The shadow went starry eyed as a mental picture of Jeffrey carrying Naga over his
shoulder through flames and devious booby-traps sprang to mind.
"Here, help me tether her to the line."
Filia appeared next to the hole in a flash of golden light. She sighed, thankful that
her ordeal was over. She turned and found Jeffrey and Shadow Lina pulling on a rope
leading down into the hole. They grunted with effort.
(Perhaps they actually found treasure?) Filia asked herself.
That's when she heard it.
*WHACK!* "Ow! Hey! That hurts!" *WHAM!* "ARGH!"
"Sorry, Miss Naga!" Jeffrey and Shadow Lina called down into the hole. Filia
rushed to the edge and looked down. Suspended by the foot, Naga was swaying to and fro,
striking the wall every time Jeffrey and Shadow Lina tugged on the rope.
"Okay, let's try again!" Jeffrey called. "HEAVE!" The two pulled.
*WHACK!* "DAMN!!!"
"Sorry, Miss Naga!"
"Oh, screw this!! LEVITATION!!"
*WHOOOOOSH!!!!*
"Oh crap! The air trap!" the sorceress yelled. "AIIIIIIIIIII!!!"
The White Serpent shot out of the hole like a bullet out of a gun, striking the stone
ceiling, AGAIN, and then the floor…AGAIN.
"Miss Naga, this place is scary. Can we go now?" Shadow Lina asked.
Naga's eyes were pointing in two different directions, and her head wobbled from
side to side. "Sure thing, Stony! Just let me grab my golf clubs!"
Then she passed out.
The sun was going down by the time the band of unbeatable heroes made it back to
the road. Naga led the way, not quite as enthusiastic as she was that morning.
"No treasure," she grumbled. "No gold. No jewels. No nuth'n. I give up…"
"The day wasn't a total loss," Xellos piped up. "Filia chan and I got engaged!"
He pulled the dragon closer to himself in emphasis.
Filia shrieked and took out her mace!
"You're going to get married, Miss Dragon Lady?!" Shadow Lina cried in delight.
"No! I am most certainly not!"
"Then…what?" the redhead asked, confused.
"Call it a deal with the devil, if you must," she sniffed.
Naga, however, was not consoled. "Nothing," she grumbled again. "Nothing at
all…"
"Well, I found that armor and this wicked-cool helmet!" Jeffrey called out,
pointing at his head again.
"Um…I found a book," Shadow Lina threw in.
Naga stopped in her tracks. "A helmet?" she asked. "A BOOK?!"
"Um…Is that bad?" Shadow Lina asked.
The White Serpent threw her a withering look. Shadow Lina recoiled.
"I'm sorry!"
"Nevermind," Naga grumbled and started down the road again.
"So…I can keep it?"
Naga waved the question aside. "Whatever!"
Shadow Lina smiled. Sure, it wasn't anything special, but she was glad to have a
souvenir of today's adventure. She dug into her pouch and removed the leather-bound
volume. She blinked and noticed that some of the dirt and grime had come off, revealing a
few more letters of the title.
"Oh," she whispered in realization. "Not 'Care Bears,' 'CLAIRE Bears!'" She
paused and looked up "That makes even less sense…."
She shrugged and put it back in her pouch.
"Oh well! Whatever!"
To Be Continued…
FILIA: Well, money's money, right? That's how I, Filia Ul Copt, find myself tagging
along with a group of brain dead humans and…*GROWL*…Xellos… on some ludicrous
adventure to find Miss Lina and Mister Zelgadis… Now if only that damned Mazoku
would stop staring at me! I swear! He's been acting so odd lately!
XELLOS: Tea, Filia chan? I made it the way you like it…lots of lemon… *SMILE*
FILIA: ARGH!!! See what I mean?! I know he's up to something, but I can't figure out
what! There! He's doing it again! He's staring at me with that damn goofy grin on his
face! *SIGH* Maybe this was a bad idea…
Faces: After!
Part 4
Spring!
When a Young Mazoku's Fancy Lightly Turns to Thoughts of Dragons!
*Clack! Click Clack!*
Shadow Lina looked to her left and saw the blonde dragon woman working
furiously at an abacus. Filia Ul Copt paused for a moment and drew a few numbers in the
air with her fingers, mouthing the numbers silently as she ciphered them. She must have
gotten the answer she was looking for because she went right back to working on the
abacus a moment later.
*Clack! Clack!*
"Um…Miss Dragon Lady?" Shadow Lina began. She and Filia were at the back of
the small group walking down the country road, their leader/employer boldly leading the
way. "What are you doing?"
Filia turned to her and smiled. "I have to think about little Val's future, after all.
So before we left that last town, I took the money Miss Naga gave me and invested it in a
coffee house. Starluck's!"
Shadow Lina blinked. "Cof…fee?" she asked.
"It's some new beverage that's catching on," Filia replied with a wave of her
hand. "So, I sunk some money into it and now I'm trying to find out what it'll be worth in a
few years." She held up the abacus. "See? Even at five percent I'm doing pretty good!"
"My, my, Filia chan!" Xellos remarked, suddenly appearing behind the dragon. "I
had no idea you were so fiscally minded!"
"Hmmph! Just because Lina and the others spent money like water doesn't mean I
don't know how to pinch the head off a goldpiece! I need this money for Val's future!"
"How forward-thinking of you!" Xellos applauded.
"Where have you been lately anyway?" Filia asked. "You disappeared right after
that whole copii incident. Not that *I* minded your absence, but Miss Naga was rather
irked that she had to pay for her own meal…" She rolled her eyes at the thought.
Xellos smiled. "Ah, yes…I had a few matters to attend to back home."
"I thought you were in exile?" Filia asked with narrowed eyes.
"I'm not exiled," he told her with a wag of his finger. "I'm…On sabbatical!"
"What does that mean?" Shadow Lina asked.
"It means that I have some time off to…take care of a few personal matters, my
dear," Xellos told her.
"Just say it," Filia admonished him. "You ticked off Metallium, and now you can't
show your face around that horrible place without her burning it off."
Xellos laughed. "My, Filia chan! You're witty today! Here, let me carry that
heavy abacus for you!" He took the device from the dragon and carried it.
Filia just blinked, then frowned at him. "What are you up to?"
"Me? Up to something? Whatever could I be up to? I just thought it'd be a nice,
gentlemanly gesture to carry your abacus for you."
"Aww!" Shadow Lina cried, clapping in delight. "Isn't that sweet, Miss Filia!?"
The golden dragon grit her teeth. She wanted to pound Xellos. She really did. But
how the hell do you justify flattening someone with a mace for doing something nice?
Of course, considering WHO it was who was being nice, that made the whole
situation immediately suspicious.
"Side-Kick of Questionable Worth?! Is that you?!" they heard from the front of the
group.
"Com-ing!" Xellos cried. "I'll just carry this for you, Filia chan," he said, patting
the abacus. "See you for tea later, perhaps? Ta ta!" With that, he vanished.
Filia shook her head and smacked herself in the cheek. That was NOT just Xellos
being nice to her…It couldn't have been…
"Isn't he sweet?" Shadow Lina asked, clasping her hands and blushing. "Kind of
like Lord Jeffrey…"
(It's gotta be a copii…) Filia mused.
"Side-Kick of Questionable Worth, if you are going to remain my side-kick, you
simply CANNOT just up and leave whenever you like," Naga chastised Xellos as he
appeared next to her.
Xellos reached into his robes and pulled out an emerald. "Do forgive me, Miss
Naga. I was just fetching this for you."
Naga's tongue rolled out of her mouth as she began to salivate at the sight of the
gem. It was the size of her fist and flawless.
She snatched the gem and shoved it into her pouch. "You're forgiven. Now where
have you been?"
"If you must know, I was testing the waters back home. It appears that for the time
being, it'd be better if I remained your Side-Kick of Questionable Worth."
"Excellent!" Naga cried, patting him on the back.
"Yes," Xellos murmured. "I also had the opportunity to do some scouting."
"Oh?" Naga asked. "I know the way well enough. You needn't have bothered."
Xellos reached into his robes again and removed a guidebook. "Oh, so you already
know about the Goblin fortress of Thregeth…"
She stopped in her tracks. "Pardon?"
The Mazoku flipped the pages of his book and found the right one. He showed a
picture to the White Serpent and began. "It appears that not far ahead and a few miles to
the south are the ruins of a Goblin stronghold named Thregeth." Naga grabbed the book
from him and began to study the pictures…particularly the ones featuring gold and riches.
"During the War of the Monster's Fall, it was where the Great Goblin Council met to
discuss strategy. They WERE our allies, after all, and allies that didn't pull their weight
usually didn't remain our allies for very long, if you know what I mean."
Naga turned the page and found a picture of a Goblin king wearing a ring with a
pearl the size of a racquetball. She began to drool.
Xellos saw the picture. "Ah, yes. Jareth. Delightful man, but a little too easily
taken by a pretty face. Anyway, as I recall, it was so well fortified that it's where many of
the Goblin nobility chose to reside during the war." He grinned. "Then they all died! The
end!"
The sorceress blinked. "What do you mean?"
Xellos smiled at her. "We came to the conclusion that the Goblins were not pulling
their weight." His smile widened into a dangerous grin.
"I see."
"But it's all still there. Underground. Just some damp walls, dusty corridors, and
all those Goblin skeletons, unchanged since the day they died."
The White Serpent smiled. "Unchanged, you say?"
"Definitely."
"So they'd still be wearing all the jewelry they died with?"
"I would assume so. As long as no one's disturbed the site. But with it being
underground and hidden, what are the odds of that?"
"HUDDLE!!" Naga screamed. In seconds, her gang was arranged in a huddle. She
heard Shadow Lina and Jeffrey bump heads and apologize to each other; the signal that the
meeting had officially begun. "Side-Kick of Questionable Worth here has just informed me
of a potential treasure located in that direction." She reached out of the huddle and pointed
south, telling them quickly about the hidden fortress.
"I thought we were trying to find Miss Lina and the others?" Filia asked, blinking.
"We are!" Naga shot back. "And if I know Lina the way I do, then there's a chance
she's in there taking MY treasure! Little thief…"
"Miss Naga!" Jeffrey threw in, "If you're right, then we should move fast! That
fortress sounds like the perfect place for an ambush! They might be in trouble!"
"That's the spirit, Jeffrey!" Naga cried, slapping him on the back.
"You're amazing, Lord Jeffrey!" Shadow Lina cried.
Filia rubbed her temples and sighed in annoyance.
"Do you have a headache, Filia chan?" Xellos asked. He held out a couple of
pills. "Would you like some aspirin?"
"No…thank you," Filia bit out. Who knew what those pills did?
"Then we're in agreement!" the White Serpent cried. "TREASURE HO!
OOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!"
"Okay, Jeffrey! A little to the left now!" Naga called out, double checking the map
in Xellos' guidebook.
Fifty feet away, standing in what appeared to be an ordinary field, Jeffrey took
three steps to his left.
The rest of the group was huddled around Naga as she checked over the map again.
She adjusted her sunglasses and looked up at where Jeffrey was. "Okay! Now take two
steps forward!"
Jeffrey complied.
"Miss Naga?" Shadow Lina began, "Is it really safe for Lord Jeffrey to be out
there?"
"Oh, perfectly safe!" Naga assured her with a smile.
"Then why are we all hiding on this end of the field?" the shadow asked her.
"Um…For safety!" Naga explained. "Okay, Jeffrey! Now one step to the right!"
Jeffrey complied. "Good! Right there! Now, jump up and down!"
Out in the field, the young, would-be knight began to jump up and down.
"This is ridiculous!" Filia cried. "What is that supposed to do!?"
Jeffrey cried out and suddenly disappeared.
"Lord Jeffrey!" Shadow Lina cried fearfully.
Naga slammed the book shut and smiled. "Found it!" She marched out into the
field in Jeffrey's direction. Soon, they were standing around a large hole exactly where the
young man had been standing. Broken pieces of rotten wood surrounded the hole,
suggesting that there had been a door there before Jeffrey had fallen through it. They
looked down and found the 'warrior' sitting on the dirt floor twenty feet down. He looked
up at them.
"Look, Miss Naga! I found the entrance!"
"Excellent work, Jeffrey!" Naga announced. She held out her hand. "LIGHTING!"
A ball of light appeared in her hand. She began to climb down.
The tunnel they had found was merely an antechamber. Before long, the gang of
unbeatable heroes found themselves in a much larger cavern.
"We must have gone down farther than we thought," Shadow Lina remarked,
looking up at the high ceiling of the cave almost a hundred feet up. Broken pieces of
ladders were strewn about the floor, probably leading to the several holes and doorways
that littered that sides of the caves at different heights.
"Miss Naga! Look what I found!" Jeffrey called out. Naga took her lighting spell
towards the voice, leaving Filia temporarily in darkness.
"Allow me," she heard as she fumbled for a light spell of her own. A red light
washed over her face from the gem in Xellos' staff. He was smiling.
"Er…thank you," the dragon said. She felt another headache coming on.
"Hmmm," she heard from behind her. She turned and found Naga inspecting a
large hole in the floor ten meters across. She took a breath and made a few hocking noises.
Then spit into it. She listened.
Nothing.
"Excellent!" she cried. "OOOOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!! This must be where
they've hidden their treasures!"
"What makes you say that?" Shadow Lina asked.
"Because no one would hide their valuables near the entrance! It must be down
there!" She stood on the edge of the chasm. "LEVITATION!" Slowly, the White Serpent
began to float down into the hole.
Without warning, there was a suddenly whoosh of air! Naga shot out of the hole
and into the ceiling!
Then fell to the floor…
"Ouch," Jeffrey remarked.
Naga weakly stood up and dusted herself off. She growled and marched back to the
hole. She looked into it and pointed her hands downward. "FIREBALL!" A ball of flame
leapt from her hands and down into the pit. There was another whoosh of air, and the
fireball was stopped cold, immobilized until it finally dissipated.
"Miss Naga?" Shadow Lina asked.
"It's a defense mechanism," Naga told them. "It feeds off the magic energy that
enters it and uses that energy for that wind spell."
"So…if we don't use magic we're okay?" the redhead asked.
"Something like that. Here, help me."
While Jeffrey and Shadow Lina helped the White Serpent, Filia was standing off to
the side, looking at the pictures painted on the walls.
"Filia chan!"
She looked up and found Xellos standing in the entrance of one of the caves about
sixty feet up. "I think I found something you might be interested in. Come up here."
The golden dragon growled and turned back to the wall, ignoring him.
"Filia chan! Filia chan!" the Mazoku continued to call out. "Filia chan! Can you
hear me!? Filia chan! Filia chan! Filia chaaaaaaaaaaaaan!"
"All right, dammit!" the blonde shouted back. "I'm coming! Just shut up!" She
disappeared in a flash of golden light and reappeared next to him in the cave doorway, only
an inch from the ledge. Xellos reached out and steadied her.
"Careful," he warned.
"So what's so important it couldn't wait?" Filia asked him.
"This way," Xellos told her, walking deeper into the cave.
The dragon sighed and gave up, following the Mazoku priest inside.
The pulley creaked as Naga and Shadow Lina strained, slowly lowering the
hapless young man into the hole.
Jeffrey, suspended by the rope hooked to his belt, waved a torch around as he
descended. So far there was nothing to see. Just the stone walls. He pointed the torch
downward but couldn't make anything out.
"Lord Jeffrey, are you okay?" Shadow Lina called down.
"Yeah, I'm okay," he shouted back. "Keep going."
"That young man is going on a diet," Naga bit out as she strained against the rope.
"You know," they heard from the pit, "It's a good thing you had me along." The
two girls ignored him, concentrating on lowering him. "I mean, neither one of you would
have lasted this far."
Naga arched an eyebrow.
"It's dark," he told them. "And there are spiders…"
"Spiders?!" Shadow Lina squeaked, letting go of the rope. Naga oomph'd as the
entire sum of the boy's wait was suddenly placed in her hands, but managed to keep the
boy from falling.
"Yeah," Jeffrey called back. "You girls are lucky to have a brave heroic man
along to take care of stuff like this for you."
Naga grit her teeth, smiled, and let go of the rope.
The pulley squealed loudly as twenty feet of rope ran through it in a few seconds.
There was a loud *THUD!*, and it stopped.
The White Serpent looked down the hole. "Oh, Lord Jeffrey!" she squeaked.
"Forgive me! I guess it was just too much for a weak little girl like me!"
"No…problem…Miss Naga…" Jeffrey weakly called back.
Filia looked around the chamber and shrugged. "It's empty," she stated. "Why is
this so important."
"Filia chan, I must admit, there is nothing here," Xellos told her with a sigh.
The blonde's hand went to her mace. "What are you up to?" she asked
dangerously. He wouldn't hurt her…right? He could've done that at any time…right?
"I just want to talk to you, Filia chan," Xellos said with a smile. "Alone."
Filia took a step back towards the exit. Xellos didn't seem to notice. She turned
and ran towards the exit, only to find him standing there. He smiled. "Where are you
going, Little Dragon?" he asked.
"I don't know what you want," she growled, lifting her mace. "But if you take one
step towards me, I'll…"
"I'm not going to hurt you, Filia chan," he replied, his grin never wavering. "I told
you. I just want to talk."
"Talk about what?" the dragon asked, not lowering her mace.
"Us."
"What us?! What are you talking about?!"
"Filia chan," he said sweetly, taking a step toward her. "As you know, I recently
took a trip home…"
"Yeah?! So?!"
"Do you know what time of year it is on Wolfpack Island right now?" he asked
her. She shook her head. "It's spring, Filia chan. When a young Mazoku's fancy lightly
turns to thoughts of love."
Filia blinked. Then laughed out loud. "Oh, I'm just sure it is!" she cried bitterly.
"Mazoku are incapable of feeling anything like that! Joke's over, Xellos! Now get out of
my way!"
He didn't move. "Truthfully, yes. Mazoku cannot feel love in the same way other
races do." He took another step forward. "But I'm not just talking about that primitive
emotion." The trickster priest bent down until his face was an inch from Filia's. "I'm
talking about passion…fire…" He grinned evilly. "Animal lust…"
Filia gulped and took a step back.
"You see, Filia chan, when I returned to Wolfpack Island, it suddenly dawned on
me… I'm more than a thousand years old."
"S…So?" she asked, unnerved.
He took another step forward, not allowing her to get away. "So…I've reached
Peak without even realizing it."
"What's Peak?" she asked.
"Peak, my dear Filia chan, is the point in a Mazoku's life when he or she seeks out
a suitable mate." He grinned at her.
She took a step back. "And this affects me how…?"
His grin widened. "Because, Little Dragon, I've decided that you are to be the
mother of my children."
"Well where the hell have Side-Kick of Questionable Worth and my Deus Ex
Machina got to?!" Naga cried as she descended and hit the ground next to Jeffrey. She
tugged the rope twice, and Shadow Lina began to come down herself.
She waved the torch around and frowned. "And where the hell is the treasure?!"
"It must be down here," Jeffrey said, pointing down a narrow corridor.
Someone squeaked behind them, and they turned to see Shadow Lina sitting on the
ground next to the rope, rubbing her backside. "Itai…"
"Are you okay, Miss Lina?" Jeffrey asked, offering her a hand.
Shadow Lina blushed and looked away. "Thank you, Lord Jeffrey," she murmured
quietly, taking his hand.
"BARF!" Naga shouted. "Let's find the treasure and get out of here, okay!?"
The swordsman and sorceress stood up and followed as Naga started down the
corridor.
Xellos dodged another swing of the mace, which ended up taking out a chunk of the
stone wall behind him. "There! You see?! This is why I chose you, Little Dragon!"
Filia screamed and swung again!
"You're so beautiful when you lose your temper!" Xellos remarked as he ducked
again. "And your emotional state is just right! Like fine wine!" He jumped to the side as
the spiked implement of destruction hit the wall next to him and stuck there.
The dragon tugged at the handle of the mace, trying to dislodge it, but this time she
had swung too hard. The weapon wasn't going anywhere without help. She turned as
Xellos appeared behind her.
"Oh, allow me," he said, reaching out and pulling the mace out of the wall. He
handed it to her.
"Oh, thank you very much," Filia told him with a smile. She grit her teeth and
started swinging again. The priest went back to dodging her attacks.
"Really, Filia chan! I realize you're excited, but it's just not right for us to go this
far in our relationship yet," he told her.
The dragon paused for a moment, panting for breath. "Keep…your
dirty…claws…off of me…Mazoku…" she gasped out in exhaustion.
He clucked at her. "Filia chan, honestly, do you think I'd take you by force?"
She pointed her mace at him.
The Mazoku looked hurt. "We're going to be together for eternity," he told her. "I
wouldn't want to start our relationship with that. I want you to come to me."
"AND THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!" she shrieked.
"Ooh! I like that!" Xellos told her. "Do it again!"
She screamed in frustration.
"That's the stuff," Xellos sighed in contentment.
"You must be insane!" Filia cried. "That's it, isn't it?! Metallium lobotomized
you as a punishment, didn't she?!"
Xellos put his finger to his lip in thought. "No…Then again, if she did, it's not like
I'd REMEMBER it…."
"Why me?" she growled. "Go find some horrible Mazoku woman to bear your
monsters for you!"
He frowned. "Normally, that's the acceptable thing to do, however…"
"However?"
"They're all skanks," he said detestedly. "And I can't talk to any of them the way I
do with you, Filia chan."
"Since when do we talk?!"
"All the time!"
Filia rubbed her temple again. She felt cold hands on either side of her head and
opened her eyes to find Xellos rubbing them for her.
"There there," he cooed.
She screamed and swung her mace again. The Mazoku disappeared and
reappeared again nearby. "Look," she bit out, trying desperately to gain control of the
situation. "As…flattered…as I am by the proposal, it just wouldn't work out."
"Why not?" he asked.
"Well…for one thing, you're a Mazoku and I hate you."
"See?! We already have something in our favor! If we have hate, Filia chan, we
have EVERYTHING!"
She growled. "And I'm a dragon," she bit out, "And I will ALWAYS hate you!"
"I'm still not seeing the problem," he told her with a shrug.
"We're not compatible!" she cried.
"Compatible?" he mused. He brightened a moment later. "Oh! You're concerned
about the PHYSICAL aspect of our relationship!"
"No, I'm…"
"Worry not, dear Little Dragon!" he cried. "I can easily take care of that. I AM a
Mazoku, after all. A body is merely a cape to be worn or tossed aside at will! If you
prefer, once we're mated, I could look like this…" He broke off as he began to grow,
simultaneously changing shape and color. Wings and a tail sprouted from his back. Within
a minute, Xellos, as she knew him, was no longer there.
He was standing there as a dragon. A golden dragon.
Filia's breath caught in her throat. He was by far the most magnificent male she
had ever seen in her life. The horns on top of his head were straight and sharp. His wings
were smooth and flawless….
And he had a tail she could just sink her teeth into…
In human terms, if Mel Gibson were a dragon…
He'd still have nothing on Xellos.
(IT'S STILL XELLOS!!!) her mind screamed at her.
The dragon smiled down at her. "Do you prefer this form, Filia chan?" Xellos
asked her.
(Oh, dear Cepheid, even his smile is perfect…)
She suddenly found him leaning closer to her. "Hmmm?" he asked. "We could
nestle together in a warm cave while the rain falls outside, out tails intertwined and playing
with one another…"
Filia shivered, but managed to get a hold of herself. She bit her lip and looked up
at him. "It still wouldn't work," she stated firmly.
The golden dragon before her blinked. "No?" he asked. He hmm'd and searched
his mind for an answer. "Ah! I get it! I see now!" he cried. "You're
more…unorthodox…" He grinned. "I should have guessed. You would much rather I
look…."
There was a flash of light, and suddenly, instead of a dragon, Lina Inverse stood
before her. Filia blinked.
"…Like this…" Lina smiled.
The priestess' eyes went wide. "What the…"
Lina-Xellos grinned and sashayed towards her, placing his-her hands on her
shoulders. "I wasn't aware before, Filia chan," Lina-Xellos told her. "But if you prefer it
this way, gender doesn't mean much of anything to the Mazoku…"
Filia shut her eyes and grit her teeth. She took a deep breath and…
"I AM NOT A LESBIAN!!!"
The echo reverberated through the entire cavern.
LESBIAN!!!!
LESBIAN!
Lesbian!
Lesbian…
Shadow Lina looked up and blinked as she heard it. "That sounded like Miss
Dragon Lady," she pondered.
"Miss Naga, what's a lesbian?" Jeffrey asked.
"Remember the original Lina?" Naga asked him with a smile. He nodded.
"THAT'S a lesbian!" she informed him.
"Ohhh!" Jeffrey and Shadow Lina replied.
"Well now that the two of you are caught up, let's split up and look for that
treasure!" They had entered a hub of some kind. Corridors led off in several different
directions. "We'll meet back here in an hour with whatever you find, got it?"
They nodded and started down two different tunnels. Naga threw her hair back and
marched confidently into another, her laugh echoing throughout the entire cavern.
"Okay, so I was wrong," Xellos, now back to his human form, said with a shrug.
"No need to be insulted…"
Filia, meanwhile, was growling in barely repressed rage. "I don't care what kind
of forms you can take," she hissed. "I want nothing to do with you! Your presence is
repulsive to me!"
He smiled at her. "Filia chan, you seem to be under the impression that I'm asking
for your permission. This isn't so. We are going to be together, and you are going to bear
my children. It's already written in the stars. The sooner you accept it, the better."
"What are you talking about?!" Filia growled at him.
"I had a little talk with Fate and…"
She glared at him. "Fate?" she asked.
"Oh yes! Delightful woman…for a Shinzoku…but she DID owe me a favor, so…"
The dragon balled her hands into fists and grit her teeth. "I don't believe in fate,"
she said quietly. "I believe in free will…"
"Of course you do," Xellos told her, patting her on the head. "But it won't change
anything. The universe itself will make sure that we're always together."
"I'll fly away," she told him smugly.
"As if I couldn't catch you?" Xellos winked.
"I'll blast you into pieces," she hissed.
"Bigger dragons than you have tried," he reminded her.
She growled again.
"Are you aware of how sexy you sound when you do that, Little Dragon?" he asked
her with an arched eyebrow.
She swung her mace again.
"Now, Filia chan, surely it wouldn't be THAT bad," he said. "Wouldn't you LIKE
someone to be there at the end of the day? Someone to make you a cup of tea and rub your
cute dragon feet and ask about your day? I can do all that…"
Filia took a breath. "Listen to me," she said quietly, her voice on a razor's edge.
"I…will…NEVER…marry you."
Xellos thought on this and frowned. "Would the other dragons approve of you
having children out of wedlock?"
She screamed and launched herself at him, swinging her mace wildly. This was it!
He had finally pushed her over the edge with that smartass mouth of his! She was going to
pound that face of his into jelly if it took her forever! Hell! She might just agree to marry
him just so she'd have the CHANCE!!!
Xellos dodged every attack expertly, but making no offensive moves of his own.
Instead, he basked in the torrent of emotions Filia chan was sending his way, feeding off
them. It made him feel so special when she did that…
"YOU'RE AN ANATHEMA!" she screamed. "A HORRIBLE CREATURE
THAT LIVES OFF THE SUFFERING OF OTHERS!!!"
"Stop it! I'm blushing!" Xellos cried.
She stopped, panting in exertion. "I don't care what you or Fate says!" she cried at
him. "I'll die before I let you touch me!"
He disappeared and reappeared behind her, laying a single finger on her shoulder.
"Touch," he said.
She screamed.
Shadow Lina looked up at the stone ceiling and hmm'd. "I hope Miss Dragon Lady
is okay," she mused. She looked around at the large room she found herself in. There
were shelves of books, most of them degraded into dust by now, lining the walls. Nothing
that Miss Naga would consider treasure, though.
Her gaze fell on one book in particular, a leather-bound volume that seemed to be
immune to the exposure and time that had destroyed the others, for it sat there, still intact.
She pulled it from the shelf and looked at the title.
"C…Care?" she read, squinting down at it. The title was smudged, worn away.
Apparently, time's touch was not TOTALLY unwelcome. "Care….B..Bi…Bears?"
She looked up and blinked.
"Care Bears?"
"This…SO…blows," Naga muttered, checking yet another room.
Nothing….AGAIN. She sighed and started down the corridor. Oh, there were plenty of
goblin skeletons, but they were peons, the most expensive things on their bodies were their
rawhide shirts.
(Mental note,) she thought to herself. (Beat up Side-Kick of Questionable
Worth…)
She was almost back to the hub when she heard something. The sound of metal
clanking together.
(GOLD! JEWELS! JEFFREY AND SHADOW LINA FOUND SOMETHING!
SCORE!!!) She entered the hub and stopped in her tracks.
Jeffrey looked up and smiled. "Miss Naga! Take a look at all the cool treasure I
found!"
Naga's face fell.
"Yeah! I found this cool set of goblin armor! And this sweet scimitar!" He made
a few movements with the sword, trying to fake a kata. "And I got this cool chain mail!
And check out this helmet!" He pointed to the horned helm atop his head.
"Great, Jeffrey," Naga muttered. "You moronic sap," she mumbled.
She realized what she had said three seconds after saying it and covered her mouth
with her hand. The wind began to blow from one of the tunnels.
"Oh no!"
She looked back and saw a pair of glowing red eyes at the other end of the dark
corridor.
Suddenly, they were rushing towards her. Naga began to backpedal desperately.
"MY JEFFREY IS NOT A SAP!!!" she heard Josephine cry. "MATERNAL
INSTINCT CORKSCREW ATTACK!!!"
A large woman holding a large mallet came fling out of the corridor, spinning like a
broken arrow!
Naga screamed.
*WHAM!!!!*
"Bye, tourist lady!" Jeffrey called with a wave as Josephine disappeared back
down the corridor. He looked to his right and found Naga imbedded into the wall,
unconscious.
"What do I have to do to get it through your head that I don't want to be your mate?"
Filia asked him quietly. She was sitting on the ground, her eyes closed, rubbing her
temples with her fingertips.
"Well, I'm sure Gourry doesn't want to be a moron, but wishing something doesn't
make it true, now does it?" Xellos retorted.
Her eyes flashed as she looked up at him. "Okay, let's look at this logically…"
"Oh good! Logic!" Xellos said, clapping his hands together. He sighed and
mumbled, "That almost sometimes works…"
She ignored him. "You say that you and I are predestined to be mates," she stated.
"Correct."
"There's nothing I can do about it."
"Likewise correct."
"BUT," she went on, "You also say that I have to come to you."
"Er…yes…"
"So…your whole lame plan depends on me somehow falling desperately in love
with you and agreeing to all this sometime down the road."
"True…" he said.
"Then all I have to do to get out of this is never agree?"
Xellos thought for a few moments. "That is so."
She looked up at him. "And that doesn't strike you as a fatal flaw in your plan?"
He shrugged. "Fate said it would happen. Which means that one day you'll come
to me and beg to be my mate."
The dragon stood up. "Fine. If…IF…one day, I am THAT desperate for someone,
that I would actually go out and get DRUNK enough for you to be counted as a possible
suitor and go to you…I'll be your mate."
"There! See?! That wasn't so hard!" Xellos said, smiling.
"Now, I'm going back outside and find someplace where I can clean the slime of
the last couple of hours off. Excuse me." She walked past him and out the door.
Xellos smiled. "Ah, Xellos, you truly are a dragon's Mazoku." With that, he
disappeared.
"Wow, Miss Naga," Jeffrey huffed. "You need to go on a diet." He continued to
drag the unconscious sorceress by the feet, face down, through the corridor towards the
rope leading to the entrance. He finally reached the line and dropped her, wiping the sweat
off his brow.
"Lord Jeffrey!" he heard behind him. He turned and found Shadow Lina trotting up
to him.
"Hi, Miss Lina!" Jeffrey called with a wave.
Shadow Lina blushed, then blinked and gasped when she saw Naga. "What
happened?!"
"Miss Naga was hit by a tourist," Jeffrey told her. "So I hoisted her onto my back
and carried her here to safety!"
The shadow went starry eyed as a mental picture of Jeffrey carrying Naga over his
shoulder through flames and devious booby-traps sprang to mind.
"Here, help me tether her to the line."
Filia appeared next to the hole in a flash of golden light. She sighed, thankful that
her ordeal was over. She turned and found Jeffrey and Shadow Lina pulling on a rope
leading down into the hole. They grunted with effort.
(Perhaps they actually found treasure?) Filia asked herself.
That's when she heard it.
*WHACK!* "Ow! Hey! That hurts!" *WHAM!* "ARGH!"
"Sorry, Miss Naga!" Jeffrey and Shadow Lina called down into the hole. Filia
rushed to the edge and looked down. Suspended by the foot, Naga was swaying to and fro,
striking the wall every time Jeffrey and Shadow Lina tugged on the rope.
"Okay, let's try again!" Jeffrey called. "HEAVE!" The two pulled.
*WHACK!* "DAMN!!!"
"Sorry, Miss Naga!"
"Oh, screw this!! LEVITATION!!"
*WHOOOOOSH!!!!*
"Oh crap! The air trap!" the sorceress yelled. "AIIIIIIIIIII!!!"
The White Serpent shot out of the hole like a bullet out of a gun, striking the stone
ceiling, AGAIN, and then the floor…AGAIN.
"Miss Naga, this place is scary. Can we go now?" Shadow Lina asked.
Naga's eyes were pointing in two different directions, and her head wobbled from
side to side. "Sure thing, Stony! Just let me grab my golf clubs!"
Then she passed out.
The sun was going down by the time the band of unbeatable heroes made it back to
the road. Naga led the way, not quite as enthusiastic as she was that morning.
"No treasure," she grumbled. "No gold. No jewels. No nuth'n. I give up…"
"The day wasn't a total loss," Xellos piped up. "Filia chan and I got engaged!"
He pulled the dragon closer to himself in emphasis.
Filia shrieked and took out her mace!
"You're going to get married, Miss Dragon Lady?!" Shadow Lina cried in delight.
"No! I am most certainly not!"
"Then…what?" the redhead asked, confused.
"Call it a deal with the devil, if you must," she sniffed.
Naga, however, was not consoled. "Nothing," she grumbled again. "Nothing at
all…"
"Well, I found that armor and this wicked-cool helmet!" Jeffrey called out,
pointing at his head again.
"Um…I found a book," Shadow Lina threw in.
Naga stopped in her tracks. "A helmet?" she asked. "A BOOK?!"
"Um…Is that bad?" Shadow Lina asked.
The White Serpent threw her a withering look. Shadow Lina recoiled.
"I'm sorry!"
"Nevermind," Naga grumbled and started down the road again.
"So…I can keep it?"
Naga waved the question aside. "Whatever!"
Shadow Lina smiled. Sure, it wasn't anything special, but she was glad to have a
souvenir of today's adventure. She dug into her pouch and removed the leather-bound
volume. She blinked and noticed that some of the dirt and grime had come off, revealing a
few more letters of the title.
"Oh," she whispered in realization. "Not 'Care Bears,' 'CLAIRE Bears!'" She
paused and looked up "That makes even less sense…."
She shrugged and put it back in her pouch.
"Oh well! Whatever!"
To Be Continued…