**Tusaine War, at the river Drell**
Inside Jonathan's tent late at night:
"Oh, Alanna, I can't believe you went to help those sick people today!! That was so kind of you." Jonathan, Prince of Tortall, soothed to Alanna.
"Oh, Jon, stop it, you know I only did it to help pay for all of the killing I've done. And I did it for you." Alanna said playfully.
"Come here, you naughty squire, I must punish you for what you have done!!"
"Ooo! How will you punish me Your Highness?"
"Like this," Jon said as he came forward and kissed her passionately.
"Oh, I want to get punished a lot. Will I get punished if I do this?" Alanna said as she kissed him all over.
"That deserves the worst of punishment."
"Do your worst, my Prince."
Outside the tent Duke Roger of Contè could hear talking and moaning within Jonathan's tent so he decided to investigate. He went around to the front of the tent and opened the flap only to find Jon and Squire Alan having sex. He was surprised that Squire "Alan" was a woman.
"Jonathan!!! Your squire is a woman!!"
"I know Cousin Roger, she is very seducing."
"Yes, I can see that she is. But you in turn are not seducing her correctly."
He suddenly leapt onto Alanna and started kissing her, feeling her out, and trying to get some sex from her. He really liked her body and wanted to caress it.
"Hey!! She's my woman you bastard!!"
"And what are you going to do about it you little ass hole!! You don't know how to have sex with her!"
"We've had sex before so I know how to do it. You wanna see an ass hole? I'll show you an ass hole!!"
He promptly turned around and mooned Roger.
"Now that's a nice ass!" Alanna cheered.
"Do you wanna see mine, you lovely woman? By the way, what is your name?"
"None of you beeswax, bastard! And no, I don't want to see yours! Get him Jon! Kill him!"
With a mighty roar Jonathan got his sword and started toward Roger. Roger had fast reflexes and in the blink of an eye he had his sword out defending himself.
The two went at it for a while saying things like, "You bastard, you know I'm a better swordsman!" and "Ha, you little ass hole! I'm a better sorcerer!" even once in a great while Alanna would yell, "Shut up the both of ya! Jon, you know I'm a better swordsman than you and Roger, you're just a really big bastard! I'm Jon's girl and I hate you fucking guts!"
They were both laughing insanely the whole time and Roger was so insane he should have been in a mental institute.
They went on fighting for hours when suddenly, Jon saw an opening in Roger's defense and struck. Roger went down and his body disappeared.
"Oh, my Prince, you were great!! Come now, let me punish you for killing your cousin," Alanna said, just begging for some sex.
"I guess I asked for it! Come and punish me with your worst, my little bitch."
"Bitch?!? Is that what you think of me??" Alanna said as she slapped him across the face and stormed out of the tent.
"Wait, my darling! I meant it in a good way! Plus, you forgot to strap down your breasts!"
"Dammit!"
"Come here, my love, let me help. I never meant to hurt your feelings."
"All right," Alanna said as she started to take off her shirt.
"Let me help," Jon said as he finished taking off her shirt, "Actually, let's just leave it off for a while."
"Whatever you say, My Prince."