Chapter 4- Lets Put the X in Sex
Dave stood up and promptly fell. When he stood up, they began to play the disco song, Boogie Shoes. (It's the background for that one Trick Daddy song… Ewwww….) He was piss drunk, and the world was spinning for him. He slowly made his way through the crowd of women and climbed up the stairs and onto the stage. Just then, he felt it coming back up and he grabbed an empty beer pitcher and began to throw up into it. He kept on barfing, until the pitcher was nearly overflowing. He set it back onto Dickey's tray and stood up. The DJ spun a Kiss record for him. Strutter began to come out of the speakers and he pulled off his jacket and threw it on top of an old lady in the front row.
He slowly tugged his t-shirt out of his pants. He turned around, giving them a view of his ass, making the crowd begin to cheer. He pulled the shirt over his head and tossed it into the audience, looking at Beth, with a slight grin on his face.
Beth smiled. It isn't every day that you get to see your crush taking off his clothes. She looked at Dave and smiled as he unbuttoned his jeans. He seductively slid the zipper down slowly, back up an inch, and then down once again. Beth jumped as she felt a hand tap her shoulder.
"Hi, I'm Amanda. Amanda Finch." The woman from across the bar.
"Beth Stern." She said.
"You're not legal are you?" Amanda asked.
"No. I'm just here with him to get concert ticket money."
"Mm. Are you two… dating?"
"No, but I like him."
"Mm. I think that he likes you, and perhaps you should tell him this."
"Really?"
"Yes, dear. Oh wow."
Dave had slid the jeans down his legs, to reveal the front side of his Boxers. There was a Gene Simmons head and a tongue that slid downwards; as if to point out his nether parts...not that they needed much pointing out, mind you. He turned around and bent over, causing the women to laugh and cheer at the sight of his young ass. The ass end of his boxers read 'Kiss This', and most of the women wanted to. He turned around and tried to pull his jeans off around his boots. He hopped up and down on one foot, finally pulling the leg of his pants off of his leg. He had lost his footing and fell off of the stage.
"Owww." He moaned.
"God Damn. I thought you were staying home all weekend." Chris said to his girlfriend.
"Yeah, but my dad told me I had to visit my Uncle Andy this weekend." Karley said, brushing her red hair out of her face.
"Yeah. You know something?"
"Hmm?"
"Church will never be the same." Chris said with a dreamy look in his eye.
Just then, the door to the confessional slammed.
"Shit! Get down."
"You'd better have something really sensational for me this time." The priest said.
"Okay, you got me. I'm really ashamed to be telling you this… I went to my cousin's wedding. One of the bridesmaids asked me if I wanted to take a bath. So we went to this little hotel that charges by the hour…"
"This is terrible." The minister said, getting the same look that Chris had moments before.
"And when she peeled off that gown, you will not believe what she was wearing underneath…"
"Leopard skin leotard?"
"Oh no."
"A Teddy?"
"Nuh-uh."
"Crotchless panties. A leather bustier? Silk underwear…"
The couple took this opportunity to sneak out of the confessional.
"Well, Chris, I'll see you in school on Monday?"
"As usual. Locker?"
"Okay. Bye." Karley said, kissing Chris one last time.
Chris then found his mother at the MATMOK Mothers Against the Music of Kiss meeting.
"This asshole was trying to mug me for my ticket!"
"That's bullshit! I said, 'Hey little boy, do you know where I can take a piss?'"
"He's fucking lying."
Chongo punched Vinny in the gut, causing to flop on the floor.
"You got 15 minutes to get us 200 bucks, or your ass is grass, my weaseley little friend."
The troupe of bullies left the store, to wait in the alleyway.
Vinny silently headed up to the comic book rack again, and flipped through it. In his mind, he was debating what he should do. He looked up at the pretty teen cashier, and then back to the magazine. Just then, three floating heads popped up. There was Dave, Chris, and Eddie.
Eddie-head: Man, I can't believe that even you would stoop this low.
Chris-head: Look at that girl, Vin, I mean, she could be scarred for life.
Dave-head: Man, come on. I mean, you're gonna get your ass kicked nine ways to Sunday, but it's better than being the bitch of a guy named 'Killer' for the next 3 to 5.
Vinny couldn't take it anymore. "ALRIGHT EVERYBODY JUST SHUT UP!"
The whole store looked at him.
He coughed loudly to distract them. They all rolled their eyes, thinking he was a total dumbass.
He went to make his move, pulling his ski-cap down over his face. He put Stretch in his pocket and then stepped up. A man, in his 30's, walked in with a shotgun. He looked almost exactly like Vinny, same shaggy black hairstyle, except older with a goatee.
"Everybody kiss the floor! Now, pretty lady, I want you to empty the cash register. You know who I am, what this is and what I'll do if you don't."
"Please, I'm just a high-school kid!"
"Fuck School! I just went through the motions until I was old enough to drop out!"
Vinny had an epiphany just then. Those were his exact words when school started last month. He had to stay in school. He knew it.
He stood up. "Stop!"
"Huh?"
"Leave that lady alone."
"Take your piece out, and throw it down."
"You take your piece and throw it down."
"You know what, little man, I don't think you have a piece!"
"Neither do I!" Vinny yelled.
"For the last motherfucking time, take the piece out, throw it on the ground, or your mom's gonna need Mr. Clean to get the brains outta your ski-cap!"
Vinny knew he'd get killed if he didn't. He pulled out Stretch Armstrong, causing the other man to break out into laughter. Vinny took the chance to grab the other end of the gun. They played tug-of-war, and Vinny pulled on the gun, simultaneously letting go of the toy, and that sent the robber flying into a display of cans. He slung the shotgun over his shoulder and smiled at the cashier.
She jumped over the counter and ran into his arms. She kissed him hard enough for him to pull the trigger, putting a hole into the ceiling. Neither noticed.
"Oh, What's your name?"
"They call me Doctor Love."
She kissed him again and scrawled her phone number onto his jacket.
"Call me, Doc!" She whispered.
~~ Later~~
"130, 140, 150. There, that's all I got!"
"Tsk…Tsk…Tsk… I sure wish things would've worked out for you, my weasely little friend." The kid said, taking Vinny's wallet. Chongo punched Vinny in the gut, sending him flying into the wall. He pulled the toy out of his pocket. The little brats he'd scared away came back and took the toy. They threw a cupcake at his head and laughed as they ran off.
"Dammit." He whined.
Something growled in the distance. "Fuck?" Three humongous rottweilers came over to Eddie. Eddie's eyes widened, and he shrunk back slowly. "God, please. If you get me out of this, I will never pull my pork again!" He prayed in frustration. Just then there was a hellish growling noise that came from the alleyway next to it. "What now, wolves?" From around the corner came a little Bassett hound with a Frisbee in its mouth. He ran up to Eddie and dropped the Frisbee at his feet. Eddie picked it up and the dogs immediately sat down, waiting for the throw. Eddie hurled it away, sending the dogs after it. He noticed a little bit of light peeking out from a crack in the wall. He looked in and noticed two criminals stripping cars. He looked in again and saw Vinny's Trans Am.
"Well I'll be a son of a bitch."
"Hi Mom. Can I have my drumsticks back?" Chris said, grabbing his mother's megaphone.
"Christian Jeremiah Huntington! I don't know how you got out here, but you are in-" She began, furious and uncaring of the crowd around her.
"Trouble? HA! I've been in trouble for the past six hours. I really don't give a damn anymore! Now, last time I'll ask it nice, may I have my drumsticks back, please?"
"What has gotten into you?"
Chris smiled inwardly. He took the megaphone and yelled into it.
"I JUST LOST MY VIRGINITY IN A CONFESSIONAL! LORD HAVE MERCY!!!!"
He lowered the megaphone. "May I have my drumsticks back? Please." It wasn't really a question. It was more of a demand.
His mother handed him one good drumstick, and one broken one.
"Cute." He said, tossing the wrecked one into the trash basket of KISS memorabilia.
"Christian?" She asked as he hopped off the stage.
"Yeah, mom?"
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"And the winner is… Sir Loin!" The announcer said. Dave groaned in defeat as he walked off stage and into the bar. Beth blushed as she walked back up to him. "That was… Good." She said. Dave blushed a bright shade of red, but it was unnoticeable in the bar, as the whole place was covered in neon signs.
Amanda walked up to him. "Don't be so forlorn." She said, pulling money out of her purse. "Here's the money you needed… For whatever it was for, sweetie." She said. Dave smiled. "I-I can't." He said. "Of course you can, now do it!" Amanda told him, firmly. "Thanks, ma'am." He said, kissing her hand and heading for the exit.
They headed out and saw the guy across the street, selling the tickets. "FUCK, NO! THAT CAN'T HAVE BEEN THE LAST TICKET!" Dave shouted. "SHIIIT!" They screamed as he took off.
"Well, at least we're still together." HE said.
"About that…"
"Yeah?"
"I've liked you for a really long time, but I've always been too afraid to show it." Beth said in one breath.
"Wow. I've always liked you, but have been to shy to show it." Dave blushed, leaning in and pressing his lips against hers.
Eddie walked into the garage.
"Hey, grease monkeys. I've come for the car."
"Ha. You were such a young as swipe." They said, getting ready to slam him in the head with a wrench. Eddie whistled for the rottweilers and the Bassett hound, and they showed up, growling.
The greasers ran into the back office.
"One step outta that office, and your asses are Alpo." Eddie said, lowering the Trans Am and pulling out of the garage.
They reconvened at an intersection in front of the Concert Hall.
"So, any luck?" Vinny asked.
"Yeah. But it was all bad!" Chris said.
"Well, not entirely." Dave mumbled.
"I found and saved your car from a couple of greasers." Eddie mentioned.
"Tickets?"
"No."
"Nay."
"Nuh-uh."
"None."
"What the fuck are we gonna do?"
Will our heroes get to see KISS? Will Christian's mother ever allow him to see the light of day? Will Dave ever get to boink his girlfriend? Stay tuned to find out! (** Peachy Shakes her head at what she just wrote**)
Quote:
"I don't wanna be Buttercup! I prefer the name Pansy!!!!"
-My friend Andy when my friend Amanda gave us new names. I was Bueno Snicklefritz, Andy was Buttercup/Pansy, Becky was Girl Who Barks at Trees, (Or was that Suzy?)…
Name Change:
I'm getting Tired of PeachyKeen, so I might change it… What should it be?
1.) Miss Mary Molko
2.) Buenos Snicklefritz
3.) Dumbass
4.) Thorn_In_Your_Ass
Website: It has the first chapter of 'Disco Sucks' on it so far. I'll post stories on a place like Yahoo, and put links on the Main site. **This site needs to be used with Flash, and has to be full screen to work properly. If it ain't fullscreen, then it looks really tiny and you need to zoom in. I need submissions!!!
Missmarymolkoer.moonfruit.com
Bye! Read… Review… etc…