Author's Note: I want to thank everyone for their great amount of patience. I know that it took a long time to get this chapter out. Between being busy with life and having writer's block for the longest time, it wasn't easy. This chapter was really difficult to write, and I'd like you to keep in mind that I don't put anything into chapters that aren't important. This story still has a long way to go, believe me - I'm not done yet! Though this chapter focuses mainly on Shelby's situation, I will begin to open the storylines with the other characters.
Also - if you could keep in mind that this is set during the early part of the show, it would be more helpful. Previous author's notes will probably help explain this more fully. I'm not sure when the next chapter will be out, but keep an eye out. And if you have any questions or comments, please feel free to e-mail me at AngelSDP@aol.com
Disclaimer: I'm in no way associated with Higher Ground...
Better Days
"I have walked too long in darkness/I have walked too long alone/blindly clutching fists of diamonds/that I found were only stones"
-Barbra Streisand, "Higher Ground"
Chapter Seven
He leaned forward in the chair as he studied her. Her hair was disheveled and traces of dirt were visible on her skin. She still wore her coat, and her bag lay on the floor beside her. She had walked through the door to his office in the darkness of the early morning. Now, the first sign of dawn was showing its face. Seated across from him, she looked tired and worn, but not weak. He had learned that she would never appear weak before anyone. Her eyes watched him, and in them, he could see everything. Her stare was hard - she was trying to hold it all back once again.
"Why'd you run, Shel?"
"To spice things up."
Peter shook his head and shifted at her curt remark. "Good, now do you want to tell me why you really ran?"
She remained silent, her steady gaze matching his. Her mouth remained closed, yet her eyes told the story. She was running away from the pain; they were always running away from the pain.
"We've notified your mother." Peter tried again. "She'll be here in the afternoon."
"To take me home?"
He looked up in surprise at her blunt question. She waited expectantly for an answer, and a grim expression settled upon his face. "Most likely. There was nothing I could do, Shelby, we had to notify her."
She rolled her eyes, and though her voice was low, Peter caught every word.
"I shouldn't have come back."
Peter's voice became more sympathetic as he watched her.
"But you did come back, Shelby. You've been out there before; you know what it's like. You came back because you know that you have to face whatever it is that's hurting you."
"No!" The girl immediately sat up, quickly becoming defensive. She tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear as her eyes narrowed. "No - I came back because I had nowhere else to go! I came back because I didn't know where to go." She refused to look at him, and she lowered her voice. "All I could think about was how hard it was before - always running. And for the first time in my entire life, I felt like I could stop. I'm tired of running, Peter. And I couldn't go back to the streets, not after all this."
The man nodded knowingly as he watched her struggle with her emotions.
"I'm proud of you, Shelby. It took guts to come back, but you did it."
As her eyes glanced at him, he saw the faint trace of tears.
"What now?"
"Tomorrow we'll talk with your mother...Shelby, " he sighed, "this hasn't changed anything."
Her head jerked up at this; she knew what was coming. "What do you mean?"
"The fact is, your mother still needs you at home."
Peter watched as she turned away, refusing to meet his gaze. "So, should I go pack?"
He sighed in frustration at her steady voice. He could see that wall building up once again. "I'm doing everything I can, Shel, I promise you that. But your running away hasn't helped that. If you would just let me understand what is going on-"
"There's nothing going on."
"- then we can find a way to keep you here." He continued. "You're not alone, Shelby. You came back because you realized that that fact has changed." She was silent, but she was listening to him. He could tell the way her eyes were lowered, the way she held herself. Now, he only wondered if she would chip away at that wall...His voice was calm and soothing and he leaned forward slightly. "I'll speak with your mother tomorrow and I'll even petition the courts if it comes to that. But I need you to help me, Shel." He paused a moment before trying once again, "Why'd you run?"
The morning air was warm as the sun rose steadily from behind the mountain. The door to the lodge opened and Shelby stepped onto the porch. She surveyed the campus with tired eyes. It was too early for breakfast. The group on kitchens should just be getting out of bed by now. She doubted that any of the counselors were even up. Knowing that she wouldn't run again, Peter had instructed her to go to the dorm and get some rest before her mother came. She should have gone, but she wasn't ready to face her group members - not yet.
So she seated herself on the step and watched as the school began to awaken. Thoughts ran through her mind as she gazed around her safe haven; thoughts of the streets, of home, and of Horizon. She wondered how all of it would end. Her mother was driving up and there was little doubt that Shelby would be leaving with her. Jess was in school and her mother was working; there was no more money, just like there was no hope left in her. She was going home. Peter was trying, though. She supposed she had to give him credit for that...
Shelby barely looked up as a group walked past her into the building. So the WindDancers were the lucky ones this morning...For the first time in two days, a smirk - any resemblance to a smile - crossed her lips, and the realization of getting out of kitchen clean-up again hit her. Shelby's lips quickly returned to the familiar frown, however, as she turned back to the campus. Her eyes narrowed as she saw a figure sauntering down the path towards her. His eyes met hers and his pace slowed. His expression was a mix of confusion and astonishment. She immediately stood and prepared to walk away as Scott approached.
"I already know what you're going to say, so don't waste your breath."
But as she moved to walk around him, his hand grabbed her arm gently. She looked up at him in surprise, but his expression was serious.
"You came back?"
"I'm here, aren't I?"
"Well, how come?" he wanted to know.
She shifted out of his grasp, looking at the ground to avoid his inquiring gaze. All traces of sarcasm were gone as she muttered, "I had nowhere else to go."
Scott's gaze never left her face as more footsteps approached them.
"So, the cat came back." Said a familiarly dry voice. Shelby looked up to see the rest of her group members gathering around.
"Where'd he finally find you?"
She barely glanced at Ezra as she answered him, "I made it into town."
"I guess you just don't belong anywhere, do you..."
"Hey, lay off her, huh Jules? It's good to see you back Shelby."
The girl barely nodded as she glanced past Auggie to Katherine, who only stared at her silently. Katherine knew - or else she would figure it out soon enough. She could probably read her better than any of the Cliffhangers.
"You coming to breakfast?"
Her gaze shifted to Daisy who waited expectantly for an answer.
"Nah. Peter told me to head back to the dorms."
"Well, we'll see you later then - Quest, you know. Although Peter will probably cancel it now..." With a shrug, Ezra began to move towards the porch. "Let's hope the consequences aren't too severe."
Shelby only watched as they filed into the lodge. Her mind once again drifted to thoughts of her mother's visit. "Too severe..." she repeated quietly.
Though her eyes were focused on the ceiling, the only pictures she saw were the ones in her mind. She lay on her back in the Cliffhanger's dorm, arms tucked beneath her head. Outside, the sun was shining and she could hear shouts coming from a soccer game being played on the field. Inside, it was dark. She had pulled the curtains and tried to shut out the enthusiastic screams. Peter had told her to get some sleep. Yeah, right, she thought. Not when her mind was racing with thoughts and memories...
The door to the dorm opened, causing Shelby to jump at the broken silence. She turned her head to see Sophie enter.
"Hey Kiddo." The woman said upon seeing her awake. She walked further into the room. "Couldn't sleep?"
But no smart remark emerged from Shelby's lips as she merely shook her head. Sophie smiled sympathetically as she patted the young girl's leg reassuringly and sat on the edge of the bed.
"Yeah, I probably wouldn't be able to either." She paused for a moment. "We're all proud of you, Shelby."
The girl rolled her eyes. "Great, wonderful." She uttered sarcastically.
"Hey, I'm serious here. It took a lot of guts to come back and face what was hurting you."
"I already told Peter that I came back because there was no where else to go."
"And you wouldn't have had that same option a few months ago, now would you?"
Shelby's stare was cold and hard, but Sophie only looked at her pointedly.
"What, am I supposed to thank you now?"
"Not at all. I'm just giving you a chance to think about it, that's all."
It only took the girl a moment to reply, "So, are you done with your counselor-camper speech now, or is there any other advice you'd like to give me?"
The woman stood and began to walk towards the dorms. "You've got thirty minutes to freshen up. Peter's expecting the group to work lunch duty."
At this, Shelby sat up. "Wait, you're putting me on kitchens, that's all?"
Sophie looked back in surprise. "Your mother's going to be here shortly, Shelby. Afterwards, we'll speak with her." She paused and forced a smile for the young girl before walking towards the doorway. As the door clicked shut, Shelby turned away.
"I guess there can be worse punishments."
"Shelby."
The girl looked up as she heard her name, but rolled her eyes when she saw who it was and resumed handing off food-filled trays to waiting hands.
"What, are you coming to check on me now? I'm working, aren't I?"
Sophie walked over and stood beside her as the blonde glanced back at her group members. She turned back and asked in a low voice, "is she here?"
The counselor nodded grimly and watched as Shelby took off her apron.
"I'll have her back soon guys. Just finish up and grab yourselves some lunch."
The others nodded at Sophie's directions and watched as the two exited the kitchen.
"Where's she going?" Ezra asked as he placed a sandwich on a plate.
Daisy stepped beside him and filled Shelby's place. Putting the plate on a tray and handing it over the counter, she replied, "I overheard Jeff saying that her mother was coming up today."
Behind them, Juliette placed the mustard knife down and looked up. "Her mother?"
"Yeah, how come?" A boy with a thick accent spoke up.
"Well, evidently it has something to do with her running away, now doesn't it?" Daisy turned away from Auggie, her voice heavy with sarcasm. "Why would parents come visit their dysfunctional adolescent at a school for screw ups unless their child had screwed up?" The girl shrugged her shoulders and continued, "Anyway, this visit goes far deeper than originally implies and she knows it."
The group was silent, waiting for her to go on, but she only filled the trays and handed them off to receptive hands.
"How do you know?" Ezra asked quietly beside her.
"Well isn't it obvious?" Daisy lifted her eyes, her gaze crossing the room to the window, catching two figures walking across the campus. Her voice was barely audible when she finally opened her mouth to speak, "Her mask is wearing thin."
Also - if you could keep in mind that this is set during the early part of the show, it would be more helpful. Previous author's notes will probably help explain this more fully. I'm not sure when the next chapter will be out, but keep an eye out. And if you have any questions or comments, please feel free to e-mail me at AngelSDP@aol.com
Disclaimer: I'm in no way associated with Higher Ground...
Better Days
"I have walked too long in darkness/I have walked too long alone/blindly clutching fists of diamonds/that I found were only stones"
-Barbra Streisand, "Higher Ground"
Chapter Seven
He leaned forward in the chair as he studied her. Her hair was disheveled and traces of dirt were visible on her skin. She still wore her coat, and her bag lay on the floor beside her. She had walked through the door to his office in the darkness of the early morning. Now, the first sign of dawn was showing its face. Seated across from him, she looked tired and worn, but not weak. He had learned that she would never appear weak before anyone. Her eyes watched him, and in them, he could see everything. Her stare was hard - she was trying to hold it all back once again.
"Why'd you run, Shel?"
"To spice things up."
Peter shook his head and shifted at her curt remark. "Good, now do you want to tell me why you really ran?"
She remained silent, her steady gaze matching his. Her mouth remained closed, yet her eyes told the story. She was running away from the pain; they were always running away from the pain.
"We've notified your mother." Peter tried again. "She'll be here in the afternoon."
"To take me home?"
He looked up in surprise at her blunt question. She waited expectantly for an answer, and a grim expression settled upon his face. "Most likely. There was nothing I could do, Shelby, we had to notify her."
She rolled her eyes, and though her voice was low, Peter caught every word.
"I shouldn't have come back."
Peter's voice became more sympathetic as he watched her.
"But you did come back, Shelby. You've been out there before; you know what it's like. You came back because you know that you have to face whatever it is that's hurting you."
"No!" The girl immediately sat up, quickly becoming defensive. She tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear as her eyes narrowed. "No - I came back because I had nowhere else to go! I came back because I didn't know where to go." She refused to look at him, and she lowered her voice. "All I could think about was how hard it was before - always running. And for the first time in my entire life, I felt like I could stop. I'm tired of running, Peter. And I couldn't go back to the streets, not after all this."
The man nodded knowingly as he watched her struggle with her emotions.
"I'm proud of you, Shelby. It took guts to come back, but you did it."
As her eyes glanced at him, he saw the faint trace of tears.
"What now?"
"Tomorrow we'll talk with your mother...Shelby, " he sighed, "this hasn't changed anything."
Her head jerked up at this; she knew what was coming. "What do you mean?"
"The fact is, your mother still needs you at home."
Peter watched as she turned away, refusing to meet his gaze. "So, should I go pack?"
He sighed in frustration at her steady voice. He could see that wall building up once again. "I'm doing everything I can, Shel, I promise you that. But your running away hasn't helped that. If you would just let me understand what is going on-"
"There's nothing going on."
"- then we can find a way to keep you here." He continued. "You're not alone, Shelby. You came back because you realized that that fact has changed." She was silent, but she was listening to him. He could tell the way her eyes were lowered, the way she held herself. Now, he only wondered if she would chip away at that wall...His voice was calm and soothing and he leaned forward slightly. "I'll speak with your mother tomorrow and I'll even petition the courts if it comes to that. But I need you to help me, Shel." He paused a moment before trying once again, "Why'd you run?"
The morning air was warm as the sun rose steadily from behind the mountain. The door to the lodge opened and Shelby stepped onto the porch. She surveyed the campus with tired eyes. It was too early for breakfast. The group on kitchens should just be getting out of bed by now. She doubted that any of the counselors were even up. Knowing that she wouldn't run again, Peter had instructed her to go to the dorm and get some rest before her mother came. She should have gone, but she wasn't ready to face her group members - not yet.
So she seated herself on the step and watched as the school began to awaken. Thoughts ran through her mind as she gazed around her safe haven; thoughts of the streets, of home, and of Horizon. She wondered how all of it would end. Her mother was driving up and there was little doubt that Shelby would be leaving with her. Jess was in school and her mother was working; there was no more money, just like there was no hope left in her. She was going home. Peter was trying, though. She supposed she had to give him credit for that...
Shelby barely looked up as a group walked past her into the building. So the WindDancers were the lucky ones this morning...For the first time in two days, a smirk - any resemblance to a smile - crossed her lips, and the realization of getting out of kitchen clean-up again hit her. Shelby's lips quickly returned to the familiar frown, however, as she turned back to the campus. Her eyes narrowed as she saw a figure sauntering down the path towards her. His eyes met hers and his pace slowed. His expression was a mix of confusion and astonishment. She immediately stood and prepared to walk away as Scott approached.
"I already know what you're going to say, so don't waste your breath."
But as she moved to walk around him, his hand grabbed her arm gently. She looked up at him in surprise, but his expression was serious.
"You came back?"
"I'm here, aren't I?"
"Well, how come?" he wanted to know.
She shifted out of his grasp, looking at the ground to avoid his inquiring gaze. All traces of sarcasm were gone as she muttered, "I had nowhere else to go."
Scott's gaze never left her face as more footsteps approached them.
"So, the cat came back." Said a familiarly dry voice. Shelby looked up to see the rest of her group members gathering around.
"Where'd he finally find you?"
She barely glanced at Ezra as she answered him, "I made it into town."
"I guess you just don't belong anywhere, do you..."
"Hey, lay off her, huh Jules? It's good to see you back Shelby."
The girl barely nodded as she glanced past Auggie to Katherine, who only stared at her silently. Katherine knew - or else she would figure it out soon enough. She could probably read her better than any of the Cliffhangers.
"You coming to breakfast?"
Her gaze shifted to Daisy who waited expectantly for an answer.
"Nah. Peter told me to head back to the dorms."
"Well, we'll see you later then - Quest, you know. Although Peter will probably cancel it now..." With a shrug, Ezra began to move towards the porch. "Let's hope the consequences aren't too severe."
Shelby only watched as they filed into the lodge. Her mind once again drifted to thoughts of her mother's visit. "Too severe..." she repeated quietly.
Though her eyes were focused on the ceiling, the only pictures she saw were the ones in her mind. She lay on her back in the Cliffhanger's dorm, arms tucked beneath her head. Outside, the sun was shining and she could hear shouts coming from a soccer game being played on the field. Inside, it was dark. She had pulled the curtains and tried to shut out the enthusiastic screams. Peter had told her to get some sleep. Yeah, right, she thought. Not when her mind was racing with thoughts and memories...
The door to the dorm opened, causing Shelby to jump at the broken silence. She turned her head to see Sophie enter.
"Hey Kiddo." The woman said upon seeing her awake. She walked further into the room. "Couldn't sleep?"
But no smart remark emerged from Shelby's lips as she merely shook her head. Sophie smiled sympathetically as she patted the young girl's leg reassuringly and sat on the edge of the bed.
"Yeah, I probably wouldn't be able to either." She paused for a moment. "We're all proud of you, Shelby."
The girl rolled her eyes. "Great, wonderful." She uttered sarcastically.
"Hey, I'm serious here. It took a lot of guts to come back and face what was hurting you."
"I already told Peter that I came back because there was no where else to go."
"And you wouldn't have had that same option a few months ago, now would you?"
Shelby's stare was cold and hard, but Sophie only looked at her pointedly.
"What, am I supposed to thank you now?"
"Not at all. I'm just giving you a chance to think about it, that's all."
It only took the girl a moment to reply, "So, are you done with your counselor-camper speech now, or is there any other advice you'd like to give me?"
The woman stood and began to walk towards the dorms. "You've got thirty minutes to freshen up. Peter's expecting the group to work lunch duty."
At this, Shelby sat up. "Wait, you're putting me on kitchens, that's all?"
Sophie looked back in surprise. "Your mother's going to be here shortly, Shelby. Afterwards, we'll speak with her." She paused and forced a smile for the young girl before walking towards the doorway. As the door clicked shut, Shelby turned away.
"I guess there can be worse punishments."
"Shelby."
The girl looked up as she heard her name, but rolled her eyes when she saw who it was and resumed handing off food-filled trays to waiting hands.
"What, are you coming to check on me now? I'm working, aren't I?"
Sophie walked over and stood beside her as the blonde glanced back at her group members. She turned back and asked in a low voice, "is she here?"
The counselor nodded grimly and watched as Shelby took off her apron.
"I'll have her back soon guys. Just finish up and grab yourselves some lunch."
The others nodded at Sophie's directions and watched as the two exited the kitchen.
"Where's she going?" Ezra asked as he placed a sandwich on a plate.
Daisy stepped beside him and filled Shelby's place. Putting the plate on a tray and handing it over the counter, she replied, "I overheard Jeff saying that her mother was coming up today."
Behind them, Juliette placed the mustard knife down and looked up. "Her mother?"
"Yeah, how come?" A boy with a thick accent spoke up.
"Well, evidently it has something to do with her running away, now doesn't it?" Daisy turned away from Auggie, her voice heavy with sarcasm. "Why would parents come visit their dysfunctional adolescent at a school for screw ups unless their child had screwed up?" The girl shrugged her shoulders and continued, "Anyway, this visit goes far deeper than originally implies and she knows it."
The group was silent, waiting for her to go on, but she only filled the trays and handed them off to receptive hands.
"How do you know?" Ezra asked quietly beside her.
"Well isn't it obvious?" Daisy lifted her eyes, her gaze crossing the room to the window, catching two figures walking across the campus. Her voice was barely audible when she finally opened her mouth to speak, "Her mask is wearing thin."