Super Smash Brothers: Everything Explained

by Cybat

This is my first fic. It explains everything there is to explain about SSB, which explains why it is so long (yes, it is very long). Please r&r!

Super Smash Brothers: the Story

by Ryan Myers

Chapter 1: It Begins

John eagerly rushes to his bedroom. He stares lovingly at his new Mario action figure that he had just received. He picks it up and starts playing with it for awhile, then grows bored. He tosses Mario onto his desk and turns to his stereo. He turns on the Mario Brothers' theme song that he had grown to love. He idolized Mario. He even has a pencil container that looks like a warp pipe next to the limp figure of Mario. He is very upset that there hasn't been any more Mario games, besides those silly Mario Party games. He wants Mario to go on another real adventure, and to meet new allies and enemies.

John becomes bored with his music eventually, so he turns to his toy chest. As he unlocks it, he thinks he hears a tearing sound. Opening it up, he finds that every toy in the chest is either broken or otherwise disfigured. Digging deeper into the chest, he notices one toy that is still in perfect condition: a small, white glove. John turns, and just before he let go of the top of the chest, he could have sworn he sees the glove move. He lunges forward to open the chest again, but he is too slow. He jerks his hand back just in time to avoid having it crushed. John sighs and stares at the chest, thinking about whether or not to reopen it.

"Ridiculous." He says to himself. "I'm seeing things."

He shrugs, re-locks the chest, and turns back to his desk, still looking for something to kill time with. His only other source of entertainment was his Super Mario Brothers game for Game Boy that he had beaten again...and again...

He sighs. What's the point of having no school during the summer if there's nothing else to do? Suddenly, he becomes lost in thought again. Reluctantly, he turns back to think about his toy chest dilemma.

"But what happened to my other toys? I definitely didn't do that to them. But...a toy...moving? No, it's impossible. I think..."

Before he could contemplate it further, his mother calls from downstairs.

"Come on, honey, I told you to take out the garbage!"

John sighs and turns away from the desk. Sighing again, he opens the door and walked away. The door slams behind him.

"Finally!" A small voice comes from the chest. The chest muffles it, but it is perfectly understandable.

Suddenly, the lock on the chest makes a loud cracking noise, and it sails off. The lid flies open with a bang, and the glove emerges triumphantly (well, triumphantly for a glove).

"The fool thought he could trap me down there under his toys! Well, I showed him who rules this room!" The glove seems to look around, then sees the Mario action figure.

"At last it begins!" The voice comes again, louder and clearer than ever. The glove hovers over to the desk, and moves some of the books into a pile. It picks up another book and sets it leaning against the pile. It pushes a tissue box over and moves a lamp.

The glove snaps its fingers, and the desk begins to change. The pencils disappear from their container, and the pile of books and the book leaning off of it become platforms. The lamp becomes a strange-looking tree, and the tissue box becomes another tree. The wooden surface of the chest becomes black-and-white checkered. Finally, the little Mario action figure begins to move.

Chapter 2: It'sa Me, Mario!

God, I hate that voice. That stupid, high pitched Italian voice they always make me use. Maybe it's cool for a while, but it gets quite irritating, let me assure you. And it kills my throat. All right, all right, I still use the voice sometimes, but I definitely don't

think with an Italian accent!

Speaking of thinking, it seems I'm going to be doing a lot of it. This checkerboard ground makes me feel like I'm in a video game again, but wouldn't I be notified? Those platforms, those trees, it seems so familiar. Furthermore, that green thing behind me looks an awful lot like-

No. It can't be.

"Mario..."

Great. A mysterious voice. Just what I needed. As if that weren't bad enough, it seems to be coming from a floating white glove.

"Mario, go into the pipe."

I knew it. A warp pipe.

"Mario. Your destiny awaits you, Mario."

What a surprise. It seems my destiny is just full of twists and turns, right? You'd think trying to save a princess would get old after a while, but no! Well, anyway, into the pipe I go.

I remember the feeling that comes from going through a warp pipe. The sense that everything around you is just black and you'll be moving forever. Of course, I know that warp pipe journeys never last more than a few moments, and what do you know, I'm right. Again.

A warp pipe pops up, and I jump out of it like always. This time, though, I don't recognize the scenery. I'm definitely not in Mushroom Kingdom any more. I seem to be standing on a platform suspended in space, except the sky keeps changing. It looks black with stars, but then changes to a bunch of concentric circles. Even as I enjoy the scenery, the glove appears behind me.

"Mario. Soon the others will arrive."

What others?

To answer my question, a blue-and-white spaceship flies past me. A fox-like figure hops out, brandishing a laser gun. I turn around to see what appears to be a teleporting tube. An armored figure steps out of the tube and looks around warily. A beam of light comes down and a young boy follows the beam's direction. I gasp. Not only is this boy holding a very big sword, but also he couldn't be more than 18! What's he doing here with a trigger- happy fox and an armor suit-and me? My surprise is increased when I see a bright star tumbling down from the sky, with a small pink figure riding it. Really small. I mean, this thing couldn't be more than 10 inches tall! Anyway, the star disappears when it hits the platform, and the pink ball bounces off. Sheesh. The rest of these characters are all humanoid, at least. As if in reply, a red-and-white ball flies from the sky, and a small yellow thing pops out in a flash of light. With red dots for cheeks and a lightning bolt-shaped tail, this thing almost looks like a mouse.

I look up, impatient for the, er, glove to explain this, but the glove just points beyond the assembled crew, where a barrel and an egg have just appeared. I almost jump for joy as I recognize these objects. I was right! DK and Yoshi pop out of their respective container.

"Now you have all arrived." the, um, glove announces. "Introductions can now be made. I am Master Hand."

"Yeah? And how do you get off telling us what to do?" the sword-toting youth asks. I may grow to like that kid.

"Because you are now on my platform!" Master Hand replies angrily.

"Ooh, he has his own platform." The pink ball now taunts Master Hand. I would jump at the opportunity to taunt the ball, but for now I hold my tongue.

Master Hand doesn't look happy, even for a glove. he slams the ball powerfully, punches the boy, and points at all of us.

"Anyone else want to question my authority?" Master Hand growls.

Hearing nothing, he continues. "You will introduce yourselves, and then we can begin. You start, Mario."

Flustered, I make the lightning-quick decision of whether or not to use my cheesy Italian voice. I decide to, only because DK and Yoshi have heard me talk before.

"I'ma Mario. I'vea saved Princessa Peach many, many times from Bowser. I'ma also a parta-time plumber."

Ouch, my throat. I hope I never have to talk again.

Next is the armor suit. "My name is Samus Aran. Call me Samus. I am a bounty hunter. I have saved the universe-" at this he glances at me braggingly-"from a powerful race called Metroid."

Next, the ball. I've gotta hear this. "My name is Kirby. I'm from another planet far away. I've saved my planet many times from many different threats."

"How?" Samus asks, echoing my thoughts.

"Just hold still, I'll show ya!" Kirby says menacingly. Samus laughed.

"Bring it on, puff ball!"

Puff ball. I like that.

"Enough! Everyone here has proven his or her work in the past. That is why they are here. No more fighting. Please continue."

Her? I don't see anyone that could be female, except the fox.

"Who's a her?" the boy wonders eagerly. Guess I was right about his being under 18.

"Why, Samus." Master Hand replies, almost laughing.

Huh. Go figure. Let's hear it for progress, right? Bounty hunting is now an equal-opportunity employer. I could learn to respect her.

"I am Fox McCloud. I am from the system of Lylat. My friends and I have saved our system twice from the evil Andross."

"I'm Link. I've saved my planet from Ganon many times. I'm 17 years old, and I went on my first adventure at age 10."

Hah! I was right after all. Shouldn't he need a permit or something for that sword?

DK and Yoshi are next, and we all look at the yellow thing curiously in anticipation. It opens its mouth, and...

"Pika pika! Pikachu!"

"I shall speak for this one. Its name is Pikachu, and while it has not saved anyone yet, it is the star of a very popular game."

Great. I knew there'd be an exception to Master Hand's theory that everyone deserved to be here.

"Now that we all know each other, what's your story, Master Hand?" Fox asks.

"If I deem you worthy, I will tell you." The glove replies enigmatically. "Now, the games begin!"

Chapter 3: The Games Begin

"You will battle each other, and the winner will face me." Master Hand announces.

"Why?" Yoshi wonders.

"Because I told you to!" Master Hand shouts furiously and raises his, er, fist threateningly.

"Oh." Yoshi replies, hiding in its egg.

"Shouldn't we have some kind of motivation?" Kirby wonders.

"I beg your pardon?" Master Hand replies, hes voice growing increasingly menacing.

"Well, I just mean that we should have a reason for fighting each other so we can fight you. I mean, are you trying to take over the world-"

"Which world?" Link, Fox, and Samus interrupt simultaneously.

Kirby continues undaunted. "-Or the universe, or something that would make us want to stop you."

"If I told you I was trying to take over the universe, would that shut you up?" Master Hand replies, barely keeping hes voice below a shout.

"Um, I guess." Kirby replies, not wanting to be slammed again.

"Fine. Then I am."

"Well, if we wanted to stop you, why would we have to fight each other? Couldn't we all just join together and beat you easily?" Link wants to know.

"No, you couldn't do that!" Master Hand replies, motioning to everyone.

Suddenly, everyone disappears except me.

"What did you do?" I ask in surprise, forgetting my Mario voice.

"Ah, I knew you didn't really have that stupid accent." Master Hand says with a smile in hes voice. "And to answer your question, I have teleported everyone to their arenas where they will battle you. I have constructed the arenas to resemble a landmark that they recognize."

"And I'm going to go through and fight them all?"

"That's right, Mario. You defeat them by knocking them off of the level that you are on, either down or sideways into oblivion or up so high that they fly into the background and disappear. Since you are the challenger, you are allowed to be knocked out five times total. If one character kills you, you will be down to four in the next fight. If you lose all of your lives..."

"I know, game over." Doesn't this glove know how many games I've been in?

"Here are a list of skills that you are allowed to use." Master Hand hands me a large sheet of paper.

It was quite a long list, but I especially liked the part about the Mario Tornado and the Super Jump Punch. The Super Mario throw interests me as well, but the rest seems to be various punches and kicks, except...

"A shield? I can't do that!"

"Now you can. All of the others can, too. With a thought, you are encased in an impenetrable bubble that gets smaller and smaller when something hits it. If it disappears, you will be unable to move for a few moments. Also, if you hold it down for too long, it will break

."

"I don't think that's fair!" I protest. Why give me a new ability if it will just lead to vulnerability?

"Don't worry, it's a big bubble. If you use it relatively sparingly, you should be fine."

"Thanks a lot." I reply. I try it out. It's not very interesting, just a big red bubble all around me. I try to move forward, but I just seem to dart a few inches forward.

"Oh, didn't I mention that? You can dart around to avoid enemy attacks by moving left or right while you're in your shield."

"Forget it. That's just cheesy."

"Very noble, but you can bet that your opponents will do it. Now, get ready. Your first battle awaits!"

Chapter 4: Meanwhile...

"Thanks, honey. Now go up to your room, it's almost dinnertime."

"OK, Mom."

John opens his door and immediately screams. Hoping his Mom didn't hear the scream, he stares at his transformed desk.

"My warp pipe pencil container..." he manages.

Then he turns to see his chest flung open. As he expected, the glove is gone. His Mario action figure is gone too! What could have...

"Honey, a bunch of your friends are here!" his Mom's voice comes from downstairs.

Distracted, John replies, "OK, tell 'em I'm in my room."

Soon, he hears the thunder of boys' feet on his stairs. He is shocked to find about 20 boys at his door. His best friend, Fred, is in the lead.

"Whoa...what happened to your desk?" Fred asks.

"We'll worry about that later! What are you all doing here? My room isn't big enough for-"

"Don't worry, we fit fine."

"What he means is," an older-sounding voice resonates, "we all got bored and we knew your house was the place to go to play with toys."

"Not anymore." John sadly notes. "Take a look in the toy chest." As he says this, he looks down and sees the lock at his feet that used to be on the chest.

"Isn't this thing usually locked?"

"Yeah, well, I don't need to lock it anymore." John still isn't sure how much he wants to tell his friends.

"Hey, you never answered me before. What happened to your desk?"

John sighs and turns to his friends. "All right, I'll tell you. But you have to promise that you'll believe me."

The others look puzzled, but nod their head or murmur their consent.

"OK. I had this glove, I don't remember where I got it. I think it was a birthday present a while ago. Anyway, I opened my chest earlier today and saw that all the toys in there were beat up, like they are now, except for that glove. Now, that's what I know. What I think is...unimportant."

"You think you saw something? Tell us!"

"All right! I think...I saw it move."

"What, the chest?"

"No, moron, the glove!"

"But that's impossible."

"In case you haven't noticed, it's not in there anymore." John insists.

"Well, assuming you did see that, you think it-transformed your desk?"

"Right. And it took my favorite action figure!"

"Yeah, that Mario one. That was an awesome figure."

"Yeah, no kidding. I just wish I knew what happened!"

One of the boys leans over to look at the desk, when suddenly, he disappears and the boys hear a familiar sound effect.

"He went down the pipe!" one of the boys shout. "He actually warped down that pipe!"

"But that's just a pencil container!"

"Not anymore!"

One of the boys eagerly rushes over to the desk. "Hey, can you hear me?"

When the boys hear no answer, they start to get worried.

"What should we do?"

"We'll just have to go in after him. Besides, this way maybe I can find Mario!"

Master Hand looks at the new arrival. "This boy should not have been able to warp down this pipe! What! A whole army of boys follows him down?"

"Wheeeeeeee!" one of the boys shouts jubilantly.

"Be serious, we don't know where we're going!" But even the most mature boys are amused by the extreme slide.

"Well, too late to stop them now." Master Hand muses angrily. "I know! They can be the cheering section."

As the boys pop out of the warp pipe onto Master Hand's platform, they gasp one by one.

"That's right, boys, you found me. And your Mario doll."

"It's not a doll, it's an action figure!"

Although Master Hand can't smile, hes amusement can be heard in his voice. "Either way, he's in a very important contest right now, and he can't be disturbed."

"But he's mine!"

"Not any more. Now he's a real-life Mario, not just a doll."

"It's not a-" John begins to shout, then calms down. "All right. So why are we here?"

"You, my dear boy, and your friends, are going to be the crowd."

"Oh, please, can we?"

Master Hand continues, ignoring the sarcastic remark. "You will cheer for characters that do amazing things in battle."

Battle? "Does this mean that Mario is in another game?" John asks, confused

Game? "I...suppose so, if that will make you happy." Master Hand replies, even more confused.

"Yay!!" John jumps for joy. "Where is Mario now?"

"He is preparing for his first battle."

"Ooh...can we watch?"

Unbelievable. These foolish children probably can't even handle the job of a

crowd , Master Hand thinks. "Yes, you can watch, you're going to be the crowd! You're going to cheer them on! You sort of need to watch to do that!"

The foolish boy flinches and smiles sheepishly. "I knew that."

Master Hand sighs. "Well, get down there, will you? The battle's about to start and-"

"Wait a minute, Master Hand. I want to know your story."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you know, where you come from, why you want Mario to battle, why you ruined all my other toys, how you can talk, and for that matter, float..."

"I'll tell you the same thing I told Mario. I'll tell you if I deem you worthy."

"How would we go about proving ourselves worthy?"

"For starters, don't be so sarcastic!" Master Hand is growing angry. he realizes that he couldn't hope for this group of preteens to be any more mature than, well, Link.

"Just go. I promise I'll tell you later." Master Hand shouts.

With that, a huge warp pipe appears. All of the boys jump into it eagerly. They appear just outside what appears to be a castle.

"Where's Mario?"

"He should be coming any minute now." Master Hand replies.

Chapter 5: The First Battle

"Mario versus Link!" the announcer shouts dramatically.

As I pop out of a warp pipe once again, I see that Link is following his beam of light down, or whatever. In any case, we seem to be on or near the roof of a castle.

"This is Hyrule Castle." Link answers my unspoken question. "Where my friend Princess Zelda lives."

Zelda. That name rings a bell. It must have been the name of some game for Game Boy...wait a minute. If Link was in that game, he'd have to have been making games almost as long as me! Weird.

I hear cheering, but it must be my imagination. People cheered for me so much after I saved the princess last time, it's still ringing in my head.

Suddenly, the loud announcer yells, "3...2...1...GO!!!!"

I leap into action, starting off with a fireball. Link blocks it by throwing a boomerang. OK, that almost makes sense. Just as I'm about to go into a Mario Tornado, he swings his sword around and it barely nicks me. While my attack is interrupted, I'm still fine. In fact, I'm getting angry.

"No one can best the champion of Hyrule." Link shouts, enjoying his small success.

Suddenly, I hear "ding"! A fan falls from the sky. What's with that? Link rushes over to pick it up, then tosses it away in disgust.

"I don't need this stupid toy to beat you!"

Right. Now I'm really angry. I leap over his sword and grab him. After spinning around dramatically, I fling him backward into another platform. He bounces off and lands right in a tornado. The tornado launches him up into the air, but Link recovers quickly. He sends out some kind of cable that grabs onto me, and pulls me close to him.

"Leta go of me!" I shout. I hope I won't be needing my throat any more.

He does let go, though. He kicks me forward into the wall, and activates his bubble, er, shield. I wind up for a smash hit and punch, hitting nothing. I find Link behind me. He must have darted around like Master Hand was talking about. I'm still angry. I duck and spin my legs in both directions. He darts to the other side of me, right into my legs! He flies off the edge and I taunt him. That wasn't too...wait a minute.

Link is jumping up. Not off of the ground, mind you, but off of thin air. Then, he spins his sword around like before, but this time it sends him flying upward like a helicopter. Fine. Laws are made to be broken, it was only a matter of time before those pesky laws of physics were broken. The crowd starts cheering for him.

Wait a minute. What crowd?

Ouch. Link hits me with a bomb. Next time, I won't get caught off guard.

"You're no match for me, plumber-boy!"

Boy? "Look who'sa talking!" Old habits die hard. I'm still using that voice.

I launch a Mario Tornado, and it hits! I spin around, hitting him, then launch him into the air. I follow up with a Super Jump Punch, collecting some coins, then kick him in the air as hard as I can. He flies off the platform so fast that I'm sure he can't get on.

I was right. The crowd starts chanting my name as I hear an explosion-

An explosion?

"Game set!" the announcer shouts.

"Congratulations, Mario. You defeated Link!"

"What was that-" I stop talking in case the "crowd" can hear me, and have heard me talk before. I try again. "Whata was thata explosion?"

Master Hand's amusement, once again, is in hes voice. "It's just an effect, Mario. Link is fine."

Oh good. I was really worried about the little brat. Suddenly, I remember something else that puzzled me during the battle. Actually, two things. "Why did a fana fall from the sky?"

"Oh, I forgot to tell you about items? There are many different items that can appear during a battle. Sometimes they come by themselves, but sometimes they are hiding in pellets, crates, Chansey eggs, or barrels. Here's a list of the items that will appear and their effects."

Quite an impressive list again. "Fire flower?"

"Yes, I tried to take items from each game. Your games provided red and green shells, stars, hammers, Bob-ombs, and fire flowers."

What an impressive list. I guess having a lot of games gives a lot of items.

"Onea morea question. How dida Link jumpa out of the air?"

"I added that feature to make games longer. Characters can perform a single jump while falling, then one of their special moves, in your case the Super Jump Punch."

"Well, I'ma glad youa told me." I reply sarcastically.

"I assumed you could figure it out!"

"Well, you were wronga."

"Sorry, I won't make any more assumptions about your IQ."

Great. Now he thinks I'm a moron because I couldn't figure out that we were allowed to break the laws of physics.

"In any case, Mario, you should prepare for your next battle. Study that list of items carefully. This warp pipe will take you to the next arena."

"I'ma ready."

Ouch, my throat.

Chapter 6: Battle 2

"Mario versus Yoshi Team!"

This pipe takes me to what appears to be the land of the happy people. I see a big smiling heart with fruit around it. Even the fruit looks happy. There's happy music playing. But I'm not happy. No, because if I heard the announcer right, not only am I going to have to fight my good friend Yoshi, I'm going to have to fight a lot of Yoshis!

The crowd cheers again. I guess it was the crowd last time, too. They must cheer before every match.

I hear the familiar "3...2...1...GO!!!!" and I see three Yoshi eggs land on the platforms above me. Then, suddenly, a green Yoshi does a Hip Drop right on top of my head. Ouch.

Fine. I don't care what we've been through, these Yoshis are going down!

As I come to that revelation, a yellow Yoshi heatbutts me and I fly off the platform. I jump up, and just barely miss grabbing on to the edge. Luckily, a Super Jump Punch brings me back up, and hits a Yoshi too. Suddenly, I see that Yoshi fly into the background. Hmm. That weak attack killed a Yoshi. This might not be so hard after all. Another egg falls from the sky.

"Mario, you are finished!" a blue Yoshi taunts.

"Youa wish!"

I try a Mario Tornado, and it works perfectly. All three Yoshis on the screen jump to attack me, and all three are barraged by punches. All three fly into the background or off to the side with amazing velocity. Well, this should actually be pretty easy.

I hear the telltale ding of an item approaching, and I look up to the sky. I see a Chansey egg falling, so I jump up and kick it open. A hammer pops out. I laugh, remembering what a hammer does.

Immediately after grabbing the hammer, my arms start swinging back and forth uncontrollably as the hammer music begins to play. The Yoshis all try to jump up and stay high in the air, but it doesn't help. Soon, the Yoshis get tired and start to fall back down. I jump up and hit all three moronic Yoshis. Three more come down and fly into the background, then three more. Finally the hammer wears off. Three more Yoshis come down. One of them charges me, but I stop its charge with a fireball. I feel another Yoshi's shadow behind me, so I crouch and kick both ways. I'm beginning to like that attack. Both Yoshis fly off to the side and explode. Only one more Yoshi remains. Finally, I can stop listening to this stupid happy music. Before I can react, the Yoshi sticks out its tongue. I feel an odd sensation, and I seem to be trapped inside an egg!

"Hah! Right where I want you, Mario!"

I struggle violently and finally break out. The Yoshi tries an attack, but it is too slow and my smash hit sends it flying.

"Game set!"

Odd.

Despite our great friendship, that level was really satisfying.

Chapter 7: Round 3

"Mario versus Fox!"

Well, looks like I'm up against the pilot of the group. He couldn't be that strong outside his ship, right?

"3...2...1...GO!!!!"

Yeah, the crowd cheers again.

"Welcome to Sector Z, Mario. You are now standing on the Great Fox."

What a handy bit of trivia. I run toward him, but he is quicker. He picks up his laser and immediately hits me with a weak laser blow. I retort with a fireball. Suddenly, a blue shield of hexagons surrounds Fox, and the fireball comes back and hits me!

"A very useful attack, I assure you." Fox grins.

Last I checked, pilots didn't come equipped with fireball-blockers. Whatever. No more fireballs. I can live with that.

I jump over Fox to try my downward spiral slam kick. That turned out to be a big mistake, as Fox jumps up below me and does a sort of backflip in the air that shoots me up dangerously high. As I come back down, he does it again, and I fly higher! That does it. This guy is going down.

I move forward and land behind him. I reach out to grab him, but suddenly, he's behind me! I turn to try again, but he darts back in front! I duck and kick both ways, but he just keeps his shield up. Boy, am I going to be glad when this fight ends. Finally, I manage to break the stalemate with a quick punch to the face. While Fox is stunned, I wind up for a smash hit, and...

I go flying off the platform!

"Thanks, Falco." Fox grinned.

One of those stupid ships had flown up and shot me! That's not fair!

"Mario! Mario! Mario-" the crowd cheers. Master Hand's voice echoes through their heads: "No, no, no, you stupid kids, cheer for Fox! He's the one who's winning!"

The crowd groaned, and began cheering Fox's name. I grin.

Grumbling, I do the double jump routine and barely grab on to the edge. I fling myself up and knock Fox down. When Fox gets up, I grab him and hurl him backwards, off the edge. Fox does his jump, then starts glowing bright orange. What the-

"Breeeyah!" Fox shouts (or something like that). With that, he shoots forward, lighting me on fire and propelling me into the air. With a dramatic backflip done by Fox, I fly up...up...too high. I see Fox, but he's so far away. I realize that he has kicked me into the background. As a glowing platform appears to carry me back, a gleam of light appears below me. Now this fox is going to pay.

I jump off the platform angrily. Fox attacks me, but I am invincible since I am just coming back from losing a life. I am glad to see that traditional detail of role-playing games like mine still intact. I wind up, and connect this time. Fox has taken so much damage that he flies off just a bit too far. When he does his Fire Fox routine, he just misses the edge, and I hit him further back with a fireball for good measure. I taunt him and am extremely relieved to hear the explosion that accompanies his defeat.

"Game set!"

Finally.

Chapter 8: A Break and Master Hand's Story

"Now, Mario, you get a break from the battling. You must break all of the targets!"

Very funny. A break from battling to break targets. Master Hand must practice his routine.

"Break the Targets!" the announcer shouts dramatically. I wonder how much he's getting paid for this?

Anyway, the area is mildly challenging, but all in all not worth my time. It was a nice break, but I don't think it was necessary.

"Complete!" the announcer says as I break the last one.

"Now, we have some time before your next battle, Mario. What do you want to do?"

"I wanta to hear youra story, Master Hand. You know, where youa come froma, why you wanta me to battle, how you cana talk and floata, why we needa to fight you..."

"Yeah, we wanna know too!" the crowd shouts, almost whining.

All of the heroes come up as well, wanting to hear the story.

"Fine, I'll tell you." Master Hand grumbles. "It's a long one."

"You justa saida we hada time, Master Handa."

Have I mentioned that I hate that voice?

"All right, all right. The truth is that I wasn't always just a glove. I used to be the hand of a very powerful alien."

"Wow, that's so cool!" a boy exults.

"If you don't mind?" Master Hand shouts irritably. "No more interruptions, please.

Now then, as I was saying, I was the hand of an alien. The alien was a famous fighter, and used me a lot. I learned everything I know from him." Master Hand's voice trails off as he reminisces. "But anyway. The alien had amazing powers. He could fly, of course, and he could shoot missiles out of his, well, my fingers. We were a great team."

"But he didn't know that, right, since you were a part of him?" a boy remarks sarcastically.

"Well, I suppose not, but-Hey! I said no more interruptions!"

The boys giggled.

"Kids these days." Master Hand mutters to me. I laugh, mostly just to appease him. The other heroes join in.

"As I was saying, one mission proved too much for both of us. A blade cut me off of him. Just after I was cut off, the my former, um, user was killed. Now, the funny thing about his species is that whenever they get killed, their soul goes into someone else. In this case, that someone else was me. Anyway, I completed the mission and had my vengeance."

"Great story, but what about this?" Link asks, motioning around expansively.

"Ah, yes, the tournament. Well, since I have the soul of a warrior alien inside of me, I want to battle something! I haven't had a challenge since my first mission! Now, I'm having you all battle, and the best warrior will give me a real battle."

"That's so selfish!" Fox accuses. "You pulled all of us here just to satisfy your craving?"

"Yes, but I do have something here to convince you." Master Hand replies evilly, pointing behind him.

There, in a cage, stands Princess Peach, along with a host of other unfamiliar characters. They are familiar to my companions, though.

"Princess Zelda, no!" Link shouts.

"Waddle Dee!" Kirby moans.

Waddle Dee?

"Pikachu!" Pikachu says, pointing to a young boy wearing a hat in the cage.

"Pikachu, don't worry! Just do your best!" the boy shouts back to Pikachu.

"Slippy, you too?" Fox yells.

"Shy Guy!" Yoshi screeches.

"Diddy!" DK grunts.

"Well," Samus turns around, confused, "There doesn't seem to be anyone in that cage to convince me to fight."

"Oh, you're right. Oops. Oh well, just pretend there is. OR ELSE!" Master Hand replies, then turns to all of us.

"You see, I have been busy researching all of you and your companions (except Samus) and have brought them here. If any of you refuse to fight, they will be killed."

"Why didn't you show them to us before we started fighting?" Kirby wonders.

"Um..." Master Hand begins. "Good question. I'm still a little new at this evil character thing."

"Yeah, I guess so. Well, there's nothing stopping us from opening this cage now and leaving." Samus says confidently, reaching for the cage.

"Who says there's nothing stopping you?" Master Hand says angrily, and his index finger starts to glow. Samus, not noticing, reaches for the lock, when suddenly three missiles fly out of Master Hand's glove, right into Samus's back. Samus screams in pain.

"Oh, so that's the way you want to play, is it?" Samus says intimidatingly, turning around and starting to charge what appears to be a big gun.

"Not now." Master Hand announces. "I told you, whoever wins this tournament will fight me."

Samus stops charging and glares at Master Hand. "Fine, Master Hand. I'm going to win this tournament, and I'm going to enjoy defeating you."

With that, Samus steps into her tube and disappears. I wasn't expecting that reaction. This bounty hunter seemed to be as much of a hero as any of us, willing to battle others to save hostages that she didn't even know. I'm starting to really respect this Samus.

"Everyone, go back to your resting areas. Except you, Mario."

Everyone else leaves in their respective ways, and I stand face to face with Master Hand again.

"Mario, for your next battle, you will need a partner."

"Really." I reply, angered by Master Hand's arrogance.

"You sound angry, Mario." Oh boy, is he asking for it.

"I am!" I shout. "You capture Princess Peach and all these other people and use them to convince us to fight you just so you can satisfy your warped craving to battle!"

"No, I-" Master Hand tries to retort, but stops to think. "Yeah, I guess that sums it up."

I sigh in disgust. "Did you ever think that there are other people's wishes that you need to respect, just for a moment?"

"Not for a moment." Master Hand quickly stops being pensive and starts being menacing again. He points at me angrily. "This is my world, Mario. My rules. And no one can stop me."

Right. I honestly thought this guy was different than the average moron with super powers. Oh well, at least I'm getting some exercise.

"So you said I need a partner?" I try desperately to get him back in the mood of a tournament operator.

"Yes. Your next match will be against a team of two, and so you will be given a partner."

"And who is the lucky candidate?" I wonder out loud.

"I'll have to think about that. You'll find out soon enough."

"And who is my next opponent?"

"You'll find out when the announcer announces it, like everyone else."

A warp pipe pops out of the ground to take me to the next arena. As I jump in, Master Hand shouts, "I'll give you DK!"

Chapter 9: Battle 4

"Mario versus Mario Brothers!"

What?

Wait a minute.

As I pop out of my pipe and see DK pop out of his barrel, I see two other warp pipes in front of DK and me. Luigi pops out on top, and on the bottom...

Me.

That's right.

Except this Mario is wearing yellow and purple.

"Who woulda wear that tacky outfita?" I ask rhetorically.

"I don'ta know, but he's going to helpa me destroy you!" Luigi shouts. I don't believe it.

"3...2...1...GO!!!!"

The crowd is cheering louder than ever now.

Even as I hear the announcer, I can't bring myself to attack Luigi and, um, myself. DK seems to feel the same way.

"Welcome toa Peach's Castle, Mario!" Luigi shouts tauntingly. "Wea hope you enjoya your stay!"

Even as he says that, the other Mario unleashes a Mario Tornado. As I fly up into the air onto the platform above me, Luigi does a Super Jump Punch, except his causes me to light on fire and fly high up into the air. How come I can't do that?

DK winds up for a punch, but Mario darts out of the way just in time. From behind, Mario does a smash hit. I land on top of Mario and kick him away, even as Luigi spins around in a Luigi Cyclone. Quickly, I put up my shield. Angered, Luigi tries his Super Jump Punch again, but this time I'm ready for it. I duck down to the lower platform, and after he finishes his jump, I jump after him and do a backflip in the air, sending him into a bumper in the middle of the air. He flies into what appears to be a cheese grater and lands safely.

As I hear a ding and see a home run bat fall from the sky, I know we can pull this off. When I look at DK again, though, he is being pummeled by Mario. Not wanting to lose my ally, I forget about the bat and punch Mario from behind. Mario turns around and kicks me right into Luigi's Cyclone attack. I fly high into the air, but DK grabs the bat. Mario runs toward me, but DK is there just in time to swing a home run. With a dramatic sound effect that I can't quite identify, Mario flies away and explodes. The crowd starts cheering wildly. While DK is recovering from his powerful swing, however, Luigi comes up behind him with a Super Jump Punch. I hear that noise again and see DK, ablaze, fly into the background.

And the crowd goes wild.

Wonderful.

Now it's me against Luigi.

"Now we'lla see who'sa the star!" Luigi shouts contemptuously.

"Luigi, there'sa got to bea a better way!" I protest.

"There is noa better way." He replies. "Master Handa is manipulating us and thisa is the onlya way to savea Peach."

"Wait a minute, I didn'ta see you at the introduction!"

"I wasn'ta there, Master Hand pulleda me out of a Mario Partya game just for thisa match!"

With that, I hear another ding, and a crate falls in front of Luigi. He breaks it open with a smash hit, and it immediately explodes. Luigi flies away, but bounces off of the cheese grater and lands safely.

"There was a bomba in the boxa! No fair!"

"All'sa fair in love and wara, Luigi." I am tired of this.

I rush up and kick him off the platform. As he does his double jump, I smash hit him. He does his Super Jump Punch, but I respond with a crouching spin kick. He punches right over my head, and my low attack sends him flying. An explosion verifies his defeat, but brings me more grief than I have ever felt.

"Game set!"

No, I don't think this game-between Luigi and me-will ever be set.

"Congratulations, Mario-" Master Hand begins.

"Why did you do that?" I cry, almost in tears.

"What?" Master Hand wonders, confused.

"Bring Luigi into this! I thought only the eight of us at the introduction thingy were in this tournament!"

"I am sorry if this upsets you, Mario, but it makes things more interesting."

"You want things to get interesting?" I shout, mad with sorrow. "I'll show you interesting!"

"Save your anger for your next battle." Master Hand advises dismissively. Oh, so he doesn't think I can beat him?

"How many more rounds are there?" I wonder.

"Plenty! Now go!"

Chapter 10: Battle 5

"Mario versus Pikachu!"

Oh, I get to fight the little yellow rodent. This should be interesting.

"3...2...1...GO!!!!"

More cheering. It's getting kind of irritating.

"Pika! Pika pika! Chuuu!" I suppose the mouse is taunting me, but...

I see a glowing door in front of me that looks rather dangerous. Suddenly, a weird-looking pink thing pops out of the door, and an egg appears.

"Chansey!" the pink thing says sweetly.

Oh, I get it. Chansey eggs.

Breaking open the egg, I find a Pokeball. I guess that's appropriate...

I launch it at Pikachu, but it misses and lands on the platform behind him. A fish pops out, saying "Goldeen goldeen! Goldeen goldeen!" but other than that, doing absolutely nothing. Wonderful. What kind of company does this rodent keep?

Meanwhile, Pikachu comes up and slams down on me with electric force. I land on the ground hard, dazed by the electricity. Pikachu grabs me and charges me with more electricity, firing me backward into the wall. I jump at him and Super Jump Punch, and Pikachu flies into the air. I jump in front of him and kick backward, sending him onto the main platform where the door is glowing again.

I grab Pikachu and toss him into the door. Just as Pikachu hits the door, another Pokemon comes out. This one is all green with a decorative flower on its back.

"Veeeenusaur!" it shouts, firing green bursts of energy at Pikachu. As Pikachu flies back near the edge, it starts glowing oddly, and suddenly, it flies up next to me and then flies behind me. I guess that was its way of getting up, but it didn't even hurt me! Oh well, all the better.

A ding signals the fall of a barrel. Pikachu picks it up, ready to toss it, but I land on the barrel and kick it, and Pikachu. The barrel opens to reveal a bumper. I pick it up and hurl it at the rodent. It bounces off with a loud noise, and Pikachu flies back into the wall. Being a mouse, I guess, Pikachu doesn't seem to be very intelligent. It rushes forward to charge me, and bounces off of the bumper into the wall again.

Right.

Pikachu jumps next to me and shouts, "Pika!" With that, a bolt of electricity comes from the air and charges Pikachu with electricity. It looks like that if I hadn't put up my shield in time, that would have really hurt.

I Super Jump Punch to get Pikachu out of my way, then start a Mario Tornado when it lands. Satisfied as the damage piles on, I wind up for a smash hit. Pikachu lands right in front of me.

"Pika-" Pikachu starts to say something, but I'm not in the mood.. My smash hit finishes this battle with a bang. I hope I never have to deal with that rat again, it's hard enough to try to communicate with it when I'm not trying to battle it! The crowd cheers loudly, and I bask in their attention. That's more like it.

"Game set!"

I don't know why, but something about this Pikachu just keeps me from being able to respect him. Maybe it's because he looks like a cartoon, maybe it's because he's here only because he's popular, or maybe because he's so damn cute! Either way, I'm glad to see the warp pipe take me away.

Chapter 11: Meanwhile...

"John, will you come downstairs and eat your dinner already?" John's mother calls impatiently upstairs again, but she hears the same reply: a lack thereof.

"Don't make me come up there!"

She is about to make good on her threat when the phone rings. She picks it up, hoping she doesn't actually redirect her anger at John to whoever's on the phone.

"What the hell do you want?"

"Hello? Is this a bad time?"

Yep. She redirected it, all right.

"Sorry, I'm just in a bad mood. You're Fred's mother, right?"

"Yes, I am, and I was wondering if you knew where he was."

Hey, that's right! John had a whole group of friends over, but now she didn't hear anything from his room. That's odd...

"No, I'm sorry. He was here before, but now he's not."

"Do you know where he is? I'm really worried about him!"

"I have no idea." She sighs and tells the other mother the strange situation.

"Well, that is mysterious. Call me if you find Fred, OK?"

"Of course. Let me know if you see John."

"Sure. Bye."

As she hangs up, she looks worriedly up to John's room. What's going on in there?

Each time she begins to climb the stairs leading to his room, another worried mother calls her. After telling over fifteen mothers the same confusing story, she becomes tired, cranky, and very hungry.

"John, if you're not back by the time I finish this dinner, you'll be in big trouble!" she says to the air as she heads for the kitchen. Who knows, maybe he'll hear her and listen. That would sure be something new.

Chapter 12: Battle 6

"Mario, this time you will be needing two allies." Master Hand informs me.

"Two allies? Who will I be fighting, Peach, Toad, and Boo?" I say exasperatedly, naming three of my friends-well-accomplices of my adventures.

"No, no, no." Master Hand insists, shaking his, um, head. "No one else you know. Except this next one."

"Oh yeah? And who am I fighting?"

"Wait for the announcer! Hmmm, I'll give you Samus and Kirby. Now go!"

I jump into the warp pipe, eager for battle. I'm glad he gave me Samus, I must admit. I'm looking forward to seeing her in battle. And as for Kirby, seeing him (it?) in battle will be interesting, too.

"Mario versus Giant Donkey Kong!"

GIANT Donkey Kong? Meaning what, exactly?

I get my answer as I pop out of my warp pipe. DK pops out of a barrel on a platform above me, and he certainly is giant! As Kirby and Samus appear in their respective ways, DK grunts and laughs defiantly.

"Hey, Mario, nice to see you!" Samus greets as she exits her tube.

"Nicea to see youa too!" I shout back, surprised by her friendliness, something I wouldn't expect from a bounty hunter. "Um...you tooa, Kirby!"

"Thanks, Mario. Don't worry, I won't let you down! Whoa...he's sure big, huh?"

This battle will certainly be interesting. I guess I should greet DK, too.

"Justa like olda times, huh, DK?"

DK doesn't reply, he just stands there looking intimidating. Fine, if that's the way he wants it...

"3...2...1...GO!!!!"

The crowd cheers loudly, but I wonder if they really think we can do this?

DK starts winding up for a powerful blow. Before he can finish, I jump up and launch into a Mario Tornado. Instead of flying up at the end, however, he just walks away. Not good. Samus jumps up and fires a small ball of energy at DK. DK doesn't really seem to notice. Kirby pulls out a blade of some sort and jumps up then down, swinging his blade and hitting DK squarely. Unfortunately, DK is still unfazed, and he swings his powerful arm, hitting Kirby squarely. Kirby screams and flies away. That was quick.

Kirby floats (floats?) back, seeming almost to fly. Well, being hard to kill is an advantage we'll need! Kirby looks angrily at DK, and starts to make a noise like a vacuum cleaner.

Abruptly, DK disappears. Looking around warily, I see that Kirby is around twice his usual size. What the-

Suddenly, Kirby spits DK out. DK jumps away, confused, while Kirby starts winding up for a powerful blow.

"What's going on?" Samus wonders, mimicking my thoughts.

"I have the ability to suck people up and gain their abilities!" Kirby replies proudly.

"Anda appearance." I add, noticing Kirby's new DK-like hat.

"But how did you suck DK up? He must be ten times your size!" Samus says, impressed.

"Practice." Kirby replies, grinning.

"Hey, look out!" Samus shouts, pointing behind Kirby.

DK had taken advantage of the conversation to grab Kirby and toss him aside.

"Grr...now you'll see what it's really like to be thrown!" Kirby yells angrily, floating back from his attack. He grabs DK, and...

...flies up into the air, farther than I can see, and then slams DK against the ground as he returns down! DK flies off to the side, and Samus goes to kick him.

"Howa did you doa that?" I ask incredulously.

"Practice." Kirby replies, smiling, and pretending to flex his muscle.

"Yeah, righta!" I smile back. "Let'sa go help Samus!"

Kirby starts winding up just as DK had done. He swings, but DK dodges it.

Even after all of our attacks, DK is barely moving. Let's see if I can encourage him.

"Mario, behind you!" Kirby shouts.

Looks like I don't have to. I must have missed a ding, because there is a Bob-omb behind me, looking ready to explode. I quickly pick it up. Now, how to toss this thing without getting me or my allies blown up?

"Standa clear!" I shout, ready to throw. Suddenly, DK unleashes the punch that he had wound up for earlier-right at Kirby. This time, Kirby flies away-but doesn't come back. The explosion hurts me, even though I know it wasn't real. I look at Samus and she looks back. Then, I remember. I toss the bomb with all my might, and DK finally flies off the edge! Of course, he gets right back on with a jump, but it's a start.

"Can you distract him?" Samus asks me. I nod. Samus leaps up to a high platform and starts charging her gun. DK is about to hit her when I do a Super Jump Punch. DK loses his momentum and falls to the ground, and I join him there. I quickly wind up for a smash hit, but so does he! Luckily, I am much quicker, and DK flies away again. This time, he misses the edge of the ground!

"Wea did-" I start, but I don't hear an explosion. Suddenly, I see DK fly up onto the ground again. Looking down, I see a barrel spinning around under the level. He must have used that to get back!

Before DK hits me from behind, Samus fires her fully-charged gun. DK screams in anger and pain, and is knocked away again. This time, he makes it back on himself, and starts pounding the ground noisily. I rush up to attack him, but instead I get propelled into the air! I guess he's creating an earthquake. Well, we'll have none of that!

As I land, I kick him. Samus jumps down and kicks him too. Finally, we seem to be making headway!

I almost jump for joy when I hear another ding. As a crate falls, DK rushes over to it, but I get there first. I pick it up and throw it at the huge monkey. As DK flies away...again...I examine the contents of the crate. I see a star rod, a ray gun, and a heart. Quickly grabbing the heart to refill my health, I grab the rod.

"Here, Samus!" I shout, tossing her the gun. She seems happy to get a gun.

As DK comes back...again...Samus begins her assault. DK is being blasted mercilessly by lasers, but practically walks through them toward Samus. Luckily for her, I fire off a star from my rod. DK flies backward. I run up and hit him, then prepare for a smash hit with my weapon. Samus covers me with her gun. DK stands there helplessly as I hit him with all my might. DK flies away, jumps, spins his arms, misses the edge, and...

...misses the barrel! We won! The explosion I hear verifies the happy thought, and so does the announcer's line, "Game set!"

"Wea did it, Samus."

"So we did, Mario. We made a good team." Samus replies, sounding sad.

"What'sa wrong?" I ask.

"I'll have to fight you later." She replies, stepping into her tube.

Oh, no. I'm not looking forward to that any more than she is.

Chapter 13: Bonus 2 and Battle 7

"Mario, there will be another bonus level now." Master Hand tells me. "It will give you a good chance to rest."

"I don't need to rest!" I retort. "I've only lost one life in these first six battles!"

"Well," Master Hand replies matter-of-factly, "Those were the easy battles. The hard ones will be next."

I don't like his tone, but I suppose it makes sense.

"Board the platforms!" the announcer shouts, and I appear in another strange place. This time, I figure out that the objective is to get onto all of the platforms. Doesn't sound too difficult...

About halfway through, I run into some lava or something on the ground, where platforms are popping in and out of it. Later, I barely make a jump over a big gap, using all three of my jumps to the fullest. Finally, the last platform is high above my head. As I start climbing the small platforms around it, I jump up but barely miss it! Unable to jump any more, I miss everything and fall down with an explosion.

"Failure..." the announcer deems it necessary to add.

Master Hand seems quite happy that one of his bonuses was too hard for me. I can see him planning the final bonus already.

"Nice try, Mario. You were quite close."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the next level?"

"Why do you keep asking me that? You'll find out!"

"Does it matter how much we-helloa, Samus!"

Ouch! If using this voice isn't bad enough, switching to using it mid- sentence is excruciating!

"Hi, Mario. Look, Master Hand, we need to talk."

"Oh?" Master Hand replies arrogantly.

"That's right. Now, you haven't got a hostage to make sure that I fight, so, with all due respect, I'm leaving."

"You are not leaving!" Master Hand replies, grabbing Samus tightly. "You have to battle Mario!"

"No, I don't! You have no motivation for me!"

"Fine, you want motivation?" Master Hand shouts furiously. "Here you go!"

With that, he tosses Samus against the warp pipe that I was about to use. Then, he approaches her slowly.

"If you don't battle Mario, I'll kill all of my hostages!"

I look at Samus pleadingly, not wanting her to put Peach and the others in jeopardy. She nods.

"All right, all right, I'll battle. But don't be so sure that you could kill me if you wanted to."

I look her in the eye-er, helmet-and mouth, "Thank you."

Samus nods to me and leaves again, trying to contain her anger. It seems that she has not had much practice in doing that.

"All right, Mario. Your next match will begin now."

After jumping through the warp pipe, I find myself in a very small area with what appears to be a tree with a face in the middle. I can't imagine whose area this is, until...

"Mario versus Kirby Team!"

Kirby team ? How did he manage that?

"3...2...1...GO!!!!"

More cheering. Do I really have to point this out every round?

Sure enough, two Kirbys appear on their stars. One of them has my abilities, and the other has the abilities of DK. Oh, I get it. That must mean there will only be seven or eight of them, and-

Ouch. Caught off guard again. This time, the DK-Kirby slams on me by turning into a brick. The other begins launching fireballs. I grab DK out of his brick and toss him away. It works surprisingly well, but now another Kirby appears. I try throwing this one, too. Again, the Kirby dies. This could end up being pretty easy.

More familiar Kirbys appear, and I keep tossing them, until finally the team of Samus and Fox gets a good hit on me. Samus-Kirby pulls out his cutter, sending me up into the air then slamming me back down and hurting me, then Fox-Kirby blasts me with his laser and kicks me. I fly off the edge for the first time, but when I start jumping back on, wind starts to blow. What the-

Suddenly, I see the tree's face looking like it is blowing. So, what I'm seeing is a tree that can blow wind. Oh well, it works to my advantage anyway, since even though I have trouble getting up, the Kirbys are pushed right next to the edge, where my Super Jump Punch hits them both far away without quite killing them. Well, at least I'm back on, and now I can throw these stupid Kirbys out of the way. My arms are getting tired, but I think the last two are coming now: Pikachu and-

Luigi.

Great. Another reminder of my brother here.

Well, as I throw Pikachu, my arms just become too tired to throw anyone else. So, I turn to my feet. I kick the last Kirby off of the edge, then stop his floating with a fireball. When he tries to use his cutter to fly up, he misses the edge and plunges to his doom.

"Game set!"

Well, that puts me one step closer to Master Hand...and Peach.

Wow, I've said that sentence so many times using Bowser instead of Master Hand, it isn't even funny.

All right, let's get this over with. Who haven't I fought yet?

Samus.

Chapter 14: Battle 8

"Mario versus Samus."

Great. I was right. The warp pipe takes me to a dark and evil-looking place.

"This is Planet Zebes, Mario. This is where my games took place."

"Nota a very pleasanta place." I remark.

"True. Well, you get used to it."

"3...2...1...GO!!!!"

There's cheering. Let's move on.

I jump up above her to slam down, but she jumps up and starts spinning.

"This is my Screw Attack, Mario."

Screw attack. From a female character. Is Master Hand sure this is a family game? Anyway, the attack hurts a bit, but not as much as the name suggests.

"Gives new meaning to the phrase, 'Screw you!'" I think to myself.

"Mario, your voice!" Samus wonders as I land.

Damn. Did I say that out loud? "Oh, it'sa just a cold."

"Sorry to hear that."

I attack her with a Mario Tornado, then jump up to hit her before she lands. Unfortunately, she gets the drop on me again, and releases a bomb which hits me and knocks me back down. Suddenly, I feel the ground shaking.

"Um...doa earthquakes happena a lot around herea?" I ask.

"Oh, no, that's just the acid rising." She replies nonchalantly.

Acid?

Sure enough, yellow acid bursts through the ground. Samus jumps onto a higher platform, but I am still recovering from the bomb. The acid hits me and I fly into the air.

Ouch. Samus jumps up and back-kicks me, then begins charging. This is not looking good.

While she's charging, though, the acid rises still farther, so she stops charging to jump onto the highest platform. I join her there, and kick her off. She barely avoids the acid, and screws me again, through the platform. As she lands, I smash hit her.

"Good punch, Mario." She says through clenched teeth. I can tell she's not happy to be hit so much. Her armor looks like it protects her much better from other kinds of attacks, like my fireball.

"Samus, I knowa we'vea gotten to know each other well, but thisa is the way it'sa gotta be."

"I know, Mario. But who says you're going to win this battle?"

She must be joking. I have four lives and she only has one. She couldn't possibly-

Damn it, I'm not paying attention again! Samus lands behind me and blasts me full charge. I can't reach the platform and land right in the acid. I'll feel that in the morning. I fly off into the background and I hear an explosion. I lost another life.

As the platform brings me back, I immediately hear a ding. It's a beam sword, but Samus gets it first. She swings at me with all her might, and I fly backwards. I'm in pain, but I'm not bleeding. What good is a sword that can't cut?

Samus soon shows me by smashing me again. Annoyed, I jump up and Super Jump Punch. She drops the sword, and I grab it. Swinging it wildly, Samus yelps in pain as it appears to cut through her armor. I throw the sword at her, making a larger hole in her armor, and sending her across the screen. She jumps and Screws, and she would have made it, if the acid wasn't so high. Hitting it hard, she flies into the background and I win.

"Game set!"

Yes, this is the way it's got to be.

I'm sorry, Samus.

Chapter 15: Battle 9

More battles? I thought-

I see a Metal Cap on the platform near me. That is a very exciting sight.

"Is this for me, Master Hand? Do I get to wear this while fighting you?"

"Ha ha ha. No."

With that, the yellow-and-purple Mario from before comes up and puts on the Cap. Wait a minute.

He jumps down a warp pipe, and I follow. As I emerge, I hear the announcer.

"Mario versus Metal Mario!"

Oh, that's not good.

"3...2...1...GO!!!!"

More cheering, but not as enthusiastic as before. I guess they're as worried about me as I am...

I jump up and Super Jump Punch, but he doesn't move. I guess this will be like Giant DK, except I'm on my own...

Luckily, Metal Mario doesn't seem to want to attack as much as DK did. He just walks around up on his platform as I Mario Tornado and smash hit. Finally, he jumps down and does his own Tornado. Unlike him, I fly up into the air. His metal punches hurt!

I continue attacking and avoiding his attacks for a while, but I'm wearing down while he is not. I try to throw him, but he lands right in front of me, and kicks me while he's getting up. A ding signals an item appearance, but I'm stuck on the ground! The item is a Maxim Tomato. No.

Metal Mario picks it up disdainfully, as his health is restored. I jump up and attack, but Mario grabs me and tosses me backward. His strength is incredible, and I can barely grab onto the edge, even this early in the match. It appears that I'll be losing another life here.

I smash hit up, but he doesn't get knocked up. I smash hit forward and he doesn't even move. I smash hit down and he finally falls over, but gets up quickly. What I need is an item.

As soon as I think that, two things happen. First, I hear a ding and look up. Second, I get smashed by Metal Mario, fly away quickly and explode. Two lives left. As I jump off of the platform, I see that Mario has not gotten to the pellet yet. I get it and hurl it at Metal Mario. As he reels from the blow, I rush over to pick up the star that was inside. I'm invincible! I run over and pummel Metal Mario mercilessly. As the invincibility wears off, I hear another ding. Thank God.

This time, I get a green shell. I remember jumping over these all the time when I killed Koopa Troopas in the good ol' days. Now, however, I can use this to knock Mario off the edge, and maybe keep him there! Mario walks around a bit, and doesn't seem to expect an attack. I throw it at him, and it hits him squarely. Metal Mario finally falls off the platform, and plunges quickly. That makes sense, since he is made of metal. However, he can defy the laws of physics as well as anyone else here, and grabs the edge. Furiously, I pick him up as soon as he climbs up, and I heave him off the platform with all of my might. Finally, he misses the edge and this round is over.

"Game set!" I don't believe I hear those words.

"Do I get to fight you yet, Master Hand?"

"No."

No? Who else could I possibly have to fight?

"There is another bonus and one more round before you fight me.

Another bonus? Sigh. Those things are so boring and pointless...

"All right, I'm ready."

Chapter 16: The Final Bonus

"Race to the finish!" the announcer says, so I guess that's the idea. Doesn't sound too tough...

As soon as I start running, I see a-

Hmm. I give up. What the hell is it?

As I contemplate its existence, it attacks me! Fine, I'm in a hurry here. I smash hit the purple obstacle made out of polygons, and continue running. It chases me to the end of the level, though, and as I jump down, it follows. I look behind my shoulder to see how close it is, and then I hear an explosion.

Ouch!

I look in front of me, and see bombs rolling toward me. Wonderful. With any luck, I can still pull this off. I jump over the next bomb, and the purple thingy hits it, but keeps coming. Oh well, there are a lot of bombs coming. I barely avoid the rest of them, and fall down to the next level to meet another purple thing. This one is carrying a purple sword, and it looks kinda like Link. Hmm, come to think of it, the last one looked somewhat like Samus. Weird. Must be one of Master Hand's tricks. Anyway, this one chases me down, too, and the other one is still running into bombs up above me.

This is really getting irritating. Apparently, I'm on level 2 now, so it must be almost done. As I land, I see a bunch of bumpers floating around in front of me. I run up and try to jump, but the purple Link hits me and I fly right into the bumpers.

When I'm finally ejected from the trio of bumpers, I feel like I'm a pinball. I think I'm going to throw up. I turn to see Link in worse shape than I am. I laugh to myself and move on. These purple things aren't too bright. I carefully avoid the last bumper, and fall to the bottom level.

A tiny purple thing meets me here. It must be Kirby. It smash hits me, but I get up as quickly as possible and run across the level. Finally, I see the glowing door that must be the finish. I run into it.

"Complete!" the announcer shouts cheerfully. I'm not so cheerful, though.

"Master Hand, I need a break..." I complain as I emerge from the door onto his platform.

"Oh, come on, Mario, there's just one more battle before me! You can do it!"

There is no way that I'm fighting anyone like this.

"Master Hand, I'm nautious, I'm in pain, and I'm really tired!"

"You can have a five-minute break, but don't keep your crowd waiting!"

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chapter 17: Battle 10

After my break, I feel a little better. The warp pipe appears, and I end up in a boring little area with three platforms and a main level that have the same color scheme as Master Hand's platform. I wonder who-

"Mario versus Fighting Polygon Team!"

Fighting Polygons? Now that's...wait a minute. They are just those purple things in Race to the Finish!

I see three polygons. One of them is definitely DK, one might be Yoshi, and the other looks like Pikachu.

"3...2...1...GO!!!!"

Yep, more cheering.

Great. Well, I might as well get this over with. Hey, if I remember correctly, a Mario Tornado works really well against teams. Before I can try one, though, DK slams me into the ground, and Pikachu shocks me. As if I haven't had enough of being shocked from my first battle with Pikachu.

A Mario Tornado takes care of DK and Pikachu, but Yoshi is still around to kick me. After this, I give up identifying these polygons and just beat them up. I can barely land around here, they knock me back and forth between them! Luckily, they can hurt (and kill) themselves, but more polygons keep coming!

When I finally hear a ding, I see a crate. Unfortunately, the polygons seem to want to keep me away from it, and they do so quite well. I have such a headache, and my kicks, smash hits, and Tornadoes are only doing so much. I open the crate and find a Pokéball, a motion sensor bomb, and a sword. I quickly throw the red and white ball, and a bee pops out. I remember this from the list that Master Hand gave me. It's a Beedrill, and if I'm not mistaken-

Perfect. A swarm of Beedrill charges at the polygons, sending five, six, seven flying. I toss the motion sensor bomb onto the platform that most polygons land on, and sure enough, it explodes after a few minutes. I pick up the sword and start slicing and dicing. But even after all that, more and more polygons appear! I'm getting tired, and the polygons can tell. Finally, one of them knocks the sword out of my hands, and another smashes me. In fact, that one looked a lot like-me.

An explosion verifies my fear: one life left. All right, I'll show these polygons! Hmm, that didn't quite sound as intimidating as I thought it would.

Another ding comes just in time, and it's a hammer. I am loving this. Two polygons are crowding around it, but I kick them out of the way just in time and pick it up. The familiar music starts, and polygons fly away all over. The hammer runs out too quickly, but only two more polygons appear. One of them is staying far away, but the other runs up and headbutts me. Angrily, I Super Jump Punch it, and it flies away-but comes back! These things are really getting under my skin. All right. If that's the way they want to play it.

I look at the polygons, and I think this will work. I Super Jump Punch, hitting both polygons. The first one flies away, and as the second one lands, I grab it right out of the air. I use my Super Mario throw for the last time, and when I hear the explosion, no more polygons appear.

"Game set!" the announcer states, and I almost collapse into the warp pipe that appears.

"Before we fight, Master Hand, I'd like to know the rest of the story." I say. The other combatants appear behind me, and a huge boy appears in front of me who looks very familiar.

"Yeah, you never finished!" John (how do I know his name?) says. "Why did you choose my room, and how did you turn my action figure into the real Mario?"

Action figure? Me?

"And where did those polygons come from?" Link asks behind me.

"And how did another Mario fight the real Mario?" DK chimes in.

The real Mario? How can I be the real Mario if I'm an action figure?

"And how did you turn my pencil container into a warp pipe?" John asks.

The warp pipe I went into at the very beginning was a pencil container? I am an action figure! What's going on?

"How did DK grow?" Samus asks.

"How did you choose what items we got and when we got them?" Fox adds.

"Pika, pikachu, chu, pi, chu?" Pikachu also wants to ask a question, but...

"All right, all right. I'll tell you everything. But after that, Mario, you're mine!"

What a pleasant thought.

Chapter 18: The Rest of the Story

"The main reason you are all confused is that I didn't tell you the full extent of my powers, or, at least, those of the alien that used me. He also had the ability to travel to different dimensions, and that ability was transferred to me. The alternate Mario, the giant DK, and even the polygons were in parallel universes that I found. I brought them here and soon I will take them back."

"That's part of it." John puts in. "What about Mario?"

"Yes indeed, what about Mario?" Master Hand says amusedly. "How does an action figure come to life?"

"I'ma really an actiona figure?" I ask.

"Yes, Mario, and you're MY action figure! That's why I'm here!" John answers.

The others looked at me, shocked. I'm quite shocked myself.

"What about us?" Kirby was the first one brave enough to ask Master Hand the question all of us wanted to know. "Are we just toys, too?"

"Yes. All of you are toys."

"Then how are we here, battling?" Samus wonders.

"Well," Master Hand begins. "Not only do I have the ability to bring things from other dimensions here, I have the ability to change things in this dimension to become like the corresponding object in another dimension. In some other dimension, toys are as alive as humans, but still controlled by humans. However, they still have all of the

thoughts and memories of the characters in their video games. So, I changed the inanimate toys of this dimension to lively ones of another."

"That explains why we can only do certain moves." Fox realizes. "We're just based on human-controlled toys!"

"What about my desk?" John asks.

"Same idea. I found a dimension where your physical equivalent was obsessed with games, and had his desk changed to look like it came from one."

"Complete with a working warp pipe?"

"Oh, I had to take that from another dimension."

"It sounds like you went through a lot of trouble for this, Master Hand." Link says suspiciously. He's got a point, too. "I don't think it's really just for kicks, after all."

Master Hand looks uncomfortable, even for a glove. He sighs. "I told you most of it. I wanted a challenge, and I started looking for one. Another reason is that I was ridiculously bored."

What an excuse. Actually, this is very helpful, because I'm finding more and more motivation to beat the crap out of this guy, er, glove.

"Master Handa, you'rea not going to sneak into anothera dimension while we'rea battling, are you?"

"No, Mario. Our fight will be a completely fair fight, one on one, with no items or any other outside interference."

"Not even cheering?" John asks.

"Right." Master Hand replies. "Oh, fine. You can cheer at the beginning of the level for a few moments."

This glove is all heart, isn't he? Well, I guess he has an excuse there.

"How 'bout the team of Yoshis?" DK asks.

"Well, that involved going to many different dimensions and getting a Yoshi from each one. Same with Kirby's team."

"Well, Ia think we'rea satisfied." I remark, anxious to get on with the battle.

"Yes, I think you've explained everything. Thank you, Master Hand." Samus says.

"Mario, you have a ten-minute break." Master Hand says.

Sounds good. There's something I've been meaning to do.

"Samus, can I tell you something?" I ask.

"Sure, but-what happened to your voice?"

"That's what I wanted to tell you. The voice I've been using is fake. The people at Nintendo thought it would be funny to have me talk in a high voice with an Italian accent, I guess. Anyway, DK and Yoshi have heard me talk, so I kept using it with you guys. But now, I'm just telling you that it's not my real voice."

"Well, that's good, because it was kind of annoying." Samus teases.

"Thanks a lot." I answer, laughing.

"Mario?" a voice comes from behind me. It's John.

"Yes, John?" I turn to see him standing worriedly.

"I've been playing with you for a long time, but now it'll be so much different...I don't know..."

He's got a point. It would be weird to play with a toy that was just fighting a battle on its own.

"But I just wanted to say, no matter what happens, I wanted to wish you good luck."

"Thanks, John. I appreciate that. Either way, I guess I'll see you after the battle."

"Yeah, guess so."

"That's it!" a harsh voice interrupts our touching conversation. "Your ten minutes are up, Mario. You're mine!"

Chapter 19: The Final Battle

The crowd cheers as I emerge onto the platform alone. Soon, it is drowned out by obnoxious laughter. I guess my sparring partner has arrived.

This time, the announcer doesn't bother to say anything. Instead, I end up alone on the familiar platform, seeing Master Hand fly toward me, laughing hysterically.

"At last! A worthy opponent!"

Hey! "All eight of us were worthy opponents!" I shout.

"Ah, you've grown friendly with the others? That's nice. Too bad you'll never see them again!"

He punctuates his contemptuous remark by making a fist and shooting forward, knocking me back.

"I never heard the announcer tell us to start!" I protest.

"Well, start!" Master Hand replies, his index finger glowing.

I jump at him, but he fires a missile at me. Even so, I pull of a Super Jump Punch, lowering his health a bit.

"Remember, Mario, this is your last life. If you fail, you'll be dooming seven people."

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks a lot for reminding me.

Master Hand starts walking along the platform on his first two fingers, and flicks them forward when he approaches me. However, I'm too smart for that, and jump just in time to kick him from behind. Angrily, Master Hand winds up, and slaps me. Then, for good measure, he does it again. I do a Mario Tornado, and hit him even more. Master Hand is getting quite upset now, since I am hitting him so much. His moves have horrible recovery time.

"Fine, so that's the way you want to play? Take this!"

With that, Master Hand flies high into the air, and slams down very hard. I can feel the force of it right through my shield. And there he goes again with the slow recovery. I take advantage of it with a smash hit, and just when I finish that, he turns so that he's facing up, and shoots fire at me. As I hit the ground, he is propelled up. He goes into the background and flies forward in a fist, right at me. After that, he comes around and charges at me from the front, hitting me one more time. That hurt.

"Quite a combo, there."

"I like it."

Another Mario Tornado ends the brief conversation, as Master Hand recovers. That move works so well against this glove. Master Hand's finger starts glowing again. Yeah, like I'm going to let that hit me again! I jump at him, avoiding the missile, but then he shoots two more that hit me! Fine. Now I'm really angry.

I smash hit, then Super Jump Punch. He flies above me in a fist, apparently preparing to slam down on me. I use my shield again, then Mario Tornado. He flies up into the background and charges at me, I shield, fireball, and smash hit. I manage to get a few hits in from a Super Jump Punch before he goes off to the side with his missiles glowing again. I toss a fireball at him, and it hits just before the missiles would be fired. Master Hand screams in agony.

"You've...defeated...me...I...can't...believe...it...I'm...rejoining...my... body...now..."

Master Hand, still screaming, flies into the background and explodes violently. I just stand there, amazed. It really wasn't all that difficult, come to think of it. I mean, sure, he had a lot of annoying attacks, but he was so slow in between attacks, he was just asking to be beaten.

Everyone runs out to congratulate me, but I'll have nothing of it. I walk over to the cage, break it open, and turn to John. It's time for me to go back to what I now know is home. After I say my good-byes, a warp pipe appears. This time, I remember nothing after getting into it.

Chapter 20: The End

"All right, John, I've finished my dinner! What are you-"

She opens the door to see a normal desk with a normal Mario action figure on it. John is sitting on his bed listening to music nonchalantly.

"John, I was calling you, and Fred's mother called, and everyone else's mother called, and-"

"Sorry, Mom. I guess I didn't hear you with the music. Fred and the others just went home."

"OK, honey. Do you want some dinner?"

"Sure, I guess. What do you have?"

"Chicken."

"Sounds good. I'll be right there, OK?"

"All right, I'll set the table for you."

As his mother leaves. John takes one more fond look at Mario. He smiles.

"Thanks for the adventure." He whispers, and grabs the door as he walks downstairs.

The door slams shut behind him.