Disclaimer: I own nothing but the annoying host, Nick Lark, and the plot, but then again, it's not really a plot and it's not completely mine. HUGE THANKS to Kungfu_Kitty for the idea! :) The other characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the WB.
Finished: April 23, 2001
A/N: This is written as if the characters were actually played by themselves. But you'd probably have figured it out for yourself anyway. THANKS to all the reviewers who encouraged me to do a sequel. Inventing these scenarios from the actual episodes can be difficult work, so I hope you all appreciate the hard labour that went into these! ;)
~~ Funny Outtakes You Never See On Buffy ~~
Nick: Hello again and welcome to "Funny Outtakes You Never See On Buffy" where we show funny outtakes you never see on "Buffy". I'm still your host, Nick Lark. The first two scenes you'll be watching are both from the episode "Phases", from the second season, let's take a look:
~~~~~~~~~~~
(Oz wakes up, opens his eyes and looks around confused. He sits up and stares around at the forest. He looks down at himself and realizes he's naked.)
Oz: (Confused) Where am I?
Director: Cut! Oz, it's one word! "Huh?" It's not "What?", not "Eh?", and not "Why?" Get it? Got it? Good. Let's try this again!
Oz: (Confused) Huh?
Director: That was great, Oz, really great! But next time wait until the cameras are rolling.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Larry: Oh, wow. I said it. And it felt...okay. (Whispers) I'm gay. (Approaches Xander) I am gay.
Xander: I heard you the first time.
Larry: I can't believe it. It was almost easy. I never felt I could tell anyone. (Gestures to Xander) And then you, you of all people, you bring it outta me.
Xander: It probably would have slipped out even if I wasn't here.
Larry: (leans on his locker door) No, no, because knowing you went through the same thing, made it easier for me to admit it.
Xander: (wide-eyed) The same thing...
Larry: (puts his arm around Xander) It's ironic. I mean, all those times I beat the crap out of you, it must've been because I recognized something in you that I didn't want to believe about myself.
Xander: (laughs nervously) Larry, no, I am not...
(Larry interrupts Xander and leans down as if to kiss him. Xander jerks away suddenly and Larry backs off.)
Xander: Cut! Larry, what're you doing?
Larry: Sorry, Xander, I got caught up in the moment.
Director: (Feeling discouraged) Hey! I'm the one that's supposed to yell 'Cut!'
Xander: Well you were 'cutting' it awfully close, so I felt it was appropriate to commandeer the scene.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick: (Forces a laugh) It just goes to show how you never know what someone is really thinking. Our next clip comes from "Choices" from the third season:
~~~~~~~~~~~
Xander: Any clue on what college you might be attending so we can start calculating minimum safe distance?
Cordelia: None of your business. Certainly nowhere near you losers!
Buffy: Okay, you guys, don't forget to breathe between insults.
Cordelia: I'm sorry Buffy. This conversation is reserved for people who actually have a future. (Walks away)
Oz: *coughbitchcough*
(The cast and crew burst into uncontrollable laughter.)
Director: (Laughing) Cut! That was pretty good, Oz, but we need to finish this scene so we can move on. Let's try this again with the proper response.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick: (Forces a laugh) Gee, that Oz is unpredictable, except every full moon when he turns into a werewolf...that's pretty predictable. (Laughs at his own stupid joke.) *Ahem* Well, the next clip is from the Emmy nominated episode "Hush" from season four, let's watch:
~~~~~~~~~~~
(Riley and Buffy hug.)
Riley: (Mouthing the words) are you ok?
Buffy: (Nods and mouths word) you?
Riley: (Rolls his head back and forth)
(Crashing is heard in the distance.)
Riley: (Indicates he has to go.)
Buffy: (Points in the other direction.)
(They start to go, but then Riley holds on to her. They kiss.)
Buffy: (Wipes her mouth with her sleeve) Ugh!
Director: Cut! Buffy, you're not supposed to do that! You're supposed to kiss and leave.
Buffy: But he kisses like a fish!
Riley: (Insecurely) I do?
Buffy: (Turns to face Riley) Yeah, it's pretty nasty. I guess that's why your last name is Finn, huh? (Turns to face the director.) Can we replace him with Angel and make his soul permanent? It would be much more enjoyable for me, and I think the fans would prefer 'Deadboy' to 'Fishboy.'
Riley: (Blinks back tears and runs off the set)
~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick: (Forces a laugh) Ouch! That's gotta hurt a guy's ego. Well, it's only Fishboy so it's not like it matters that much. Well, folks, our last blooper for tonight is from the episode "New Moon Rising", also from season four:
~~~~~~~~~~~
(Tara is in her darkened dorm room, looking out the window. There's a knock on the door and she gets up to answer it. It's Willow, holding a candle.)
Willow: No candles? Well, I brought one. It's extra flamey.
(Tara doesn't say anything. Willow steps forward, gives her the candle, and closes the door behind herself.)
Willow: Tara, I have to tell you--
Tara: No, I-I understand. You have to be with the person you l-love.
Willow: (Smiles) Great! I knew you'd understand! You're the best! I'm going away with Oz for a while, to catch up on old times, see you in a few months!
(Willow runs out the door leaving Tara holding the bright candle. A tear drops down her face and onto the candle flame, putting it out.)
Director: Cut! That was beautiful! (Slowly becomes angry.) Too bad it wasn't in the script! If I'd known how much trouble you kids would be; I would never have taken this job! And it's too late to fire you all so I guess I'll just have to stick it out. Now let's try the actual scene again! You kids are costing me more money than the damn show makes with your adlibbing! (Takes a deep breath and returns to sitting in the director's chair.)
~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick: (You guessed it, he forces a laugh) Well, that's all the time we have for tonight and I hope you all enjoyed tonight's presentation. I'm Nick Lark for "Funny Outtakes You Never See On Buffy". I hope to see you all again soon, good night!
Finished: April 23, 2001
A/N: This is written as if the characters were actually played by themselves. But you'd probably have figured it out for yourself anyway. THANKS to all the reviewers who encouraged me to do a sequel. Inventing these scenarios from the actual episodes can be difficult work, so I hope you all appreciate the hard labour that went into these! ;)
~~ Funny Outtakes You Never See On Buffy ~~
Nick: Hello again and welcome to "Funny Outtakes You Never See On Buffy" where we show funny outtakes you never see on "Buffy". I'm still your host, Nick Lark. The first two scenes you'll be watching are both from the episode "Phases", from the second season, let's take a look:
~~~~~~~~~~~
(Oz wakes up, opens his eyes and looks around confused. He sits up and stares around at the forest. He looks down at himself and realizes he's naked.)
Oz: (Confused) Where am I?
Director: Cut! Oz, it's one word! "Huh?" It's not "What?", not "Eh?", and not "Why?" Get it? Got it? Good. Let's try this again!
Oz: (Confused) Huh?
Director: That was great, Oz, really great! But next time wait until the cameras are rolling.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Larry: Oh, wow. I said it. And it felt...okay. (Whispers) I'm gay. (Approaches Xander) I am gay.
Xander: I heard you the first time.
Larry: I can't believe it. It was almost easy. I never felt I could tell anyone. (Gestures to Xander) And then you, you of all people, you bring it outta me.
Xander: It probably would have slipped out even if I wasn't here.
Larry: (leans on his locker door) No, no, because knowing you went through the same thing, made it easier for me to admit it.
Xander: (wide-eyed) The same thing...
Larry: (puts his arm around Xander) It's ironic. I mean, all those times I beat the crap out of you, it must've been because I recognized something in you that I didn't want to believe about myself.
Xander: (laughs nervously) Larry, no, I am not...
(Larry interrupts Xander and leans down as if to kiss him. Xander jerks away suddenly and Larry backs off.)
Xander: Cut! Larry, what're you doing?
Larry: Sorry, Xander, I got caught up in the moment.
Director: (Feeling discouraged) Hey! I'm the one that's supposed to yell 'Cut!'
Xander: Well you were 'cutting' it awfully close, so I felt it was appropriate to commandeer the scene.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick: (Forces a laugh) It just goes to show how you never know what someone is really thinking. Our next clip comes from "Choices" from the third season:
~~~~~~~~~~~
Xander: Any clue on what college you might be attending so we can start calculating minimum safe distance?
Cordelia: None of your business. Certainly nowhere near you losers!
Buffy: Okay, you guys, don't forget to breathe between insults.
Cordelia: I'm sorry Buffy. This conversation is reserved for people who actually have a future. (Walks away)
Oz: *coughbitchcough*
(The cast and crew burst into uncontrollable laughter.)
Director: (Laughing) Cut! That was pretty good, Oz, but we need to finish this scene so we can move on. Let's try this again with the proper response.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick: (Forces a laugh) Gee, that Oz is unpredictable, except every full moon when he turns into a werewolf...that's pretty predictable. (Laughs at his own stupid joke.) *Ahem* Well, the next clip is from the Emmy nominated episode "Hush" from season four, let's watch:
~~~~~~~~~~~
(Riley and Buffy hug.)
Riley: (Mouthing the words) are you ok?
Buffy: (Nods and mouths word) you?
Riley: (Rolls his head back and forth)
(Crashing is heard in the distance.)
Riley: (Indicates he has to go.)
Buffy: (Points in the other direction.)
(They start to go, but then Riley holds on to her. They kiss.)
Buffy: (Wipes her mouth with her sleeve) Ugh!
Director: Cut! Buffy, you're not supposed to do that! You're supposed to kiss and leave.
Buffy: But he kisses like a fish!
Riley: (Insecurely) I do?
Buffy: (Turns to face Riley) Yeah, it's pretty nasty. I guess that's why your last name is Finn, huh? (Turns to face the director.) Can we replace him with Angel and make his soul permanent? It would be much more enjoyable for me, and I think the fans would prefer 'Deadboy' to 'Fishboy.'
Riley: (Blinks back tears and runs off the set)
~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick: (Forces a laugh) Ouch! That's gotta hurt a guy's ego. Well, it's only Fishboy so it's not like it matters that much. Well, folks, our last blooper for tonight is from the episode "New Moon Rising", also from season four:
~~~~~~~~~~~
(Tara is in her darkened dorm room, looking out the window. There's a knock on the door and she gets up to answer it. It's Willow, holding a candle.)
Willow: No candles? Well, I brought one. It's extra flamey.
(Tara doesn't say anything. Willow steps forward, gives her the candle, and closes the door behind herself.)
Willow: Tara, I have to tell you--
Tara: No, I-I understand. You have to be with the person you l-love.
Willow: (Smiles) Great! I knew you'd understand! You're the best! I'm going away with Oz for a while, to catch up on old times, see you in a few months!
(Willow runs out the door leaving Tara holding the bright candle. A tear drops down her face and onto the candle flame, putting it out.)
Director: Cut! That was beautiful! (Slowly becomes angry.) Too bad it wasn't in the script! If I'd known how much trouble you kids would be; I would never have taken this job! And it's too late to fire you all so I guess I'll just have to stick it out. Now let's try the actual scene again! You kids are costing me more money than the damn show makes with your adlibbing! (Takes a deep breath and returns to sitting in the director's chair.)
~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick: (You guessed it, he forces a laugh) Well, that's all the time we have for tonight and I hope you all enjoyed tonight's presentation. I'm Nick Lark for "Funny Outtakes You Never See On Buffy". I hope to see you all again soon, good night!