Disclaimer: I own nothing but the annoying host, Nick Lark, and the plot, but then again, it's not really a plot and it's not completely mine. HUGE THANKS to Kungfu_Kitty for the idea! :) The other characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the WB.
Finished: August 13, 2001
A/N: This is written as if the characters were actually played by themselves. But you'd probably have figured it out for yourself anyway. Sorry this took so long, but I ran out of scenes! THANKS to all the reviewers who encouraged me to do another sequel. Another THANKS goes out to my girls/muses, Kris, Rich, and Hils, who helped me through my battle to finish these. Luv ya!
~~ Funny Outtakes You Never See On Buffy ~~
Nick: Well, I see the producers of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" have allowed us to continue with our little bloopers show, "Funny Outtakes You Never See On Buffy", where we show funny outtakes you never see on "Buffy". I'm your host Nick Lark. The producers have provided us with some new off camera footage for you. I hope you enjoy it. The first scene comes from "I Was Made To Love You" from Season 5.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Spike: If you want me to leave you can put your hands on my hot, tight little body and make me.
Buffy: Okay!
(She proceeds to put her hands on his hot, tight little body.)
Director: Cut! Buffy, you're supposed to hate Spike.
Buffy: But I don't.
Director: You're repulsed by him.
Buffy: But I'm not.
Director: He chained you up and threatened you.
Buffy: Yeah, too bad that's over.
Director: How about this: if you don't follow the script, you're fired.
Buffy: Okay people; let's try this again!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick: (Forces a laugh) And they say men are pigs. Well, anyway our next clip is from the episode "Intervention" also in Season 5.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Glory: He doesn't look very fancy to me.
(She grabs Spike by the lower lip and pulls him upright.)
Spike: Hey, careful with the lip!
Glory: But if the Slayer protects him, maybe appearances are deceiving.
(She throws Spike onto her round bed. He lands on his back with his hands pinned underneath him. As he groans in pain, Glory straddles him.)
Glory: Oh, Spike, you're the *big* bad!
Director: Cut! Glory that's Buffy's line, not yours...try to stick to your own script.
Glory: (pouting) But I'm a God for crying out loud! I demand some fun!
Director: Glory--
Glory: Why do I have to spend all day with these grubby minions? Why does Buffy get all the hottie vamps?
Director: There'll be no Hellgod and vampire shaggage today--
Glory: (dreamy-like) He's got such nice lips, and well-defined cheekbones, and, well, don't get me started on his ass.
Spike: I've seen a few creepy things in my day, well, night, but this one tops the charts. Can't we just omit the bloody scene?
Director: No.
Spike: Please?
~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick: (Forces a laugh) Wow. She really is a nutcase, huh? Well, here's our next scene from "The Yoko Factor" from season 4.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Xander: She...kind of left that part out, huh?
Riley: Yeah, she did. That explains a lot of things that...I wish weren't explained.
Xander: Hey, man, that's all ancient history.
Riley: (scoffs) She went running to LA to bone up on her history.
Xander: Yeah, probably.
(Riley looks surprised.)
Xander: Well, don't tell her I told you, but it's been said you're not really a stevedore.
Riley: What?
Xander: (sighs) She says you're bad in the sack.
(Riley doesn't say anything.)
Xander: Yep, she's probably working off some built-up tension right about now.
Director: Cut! Great shot guys. Unfortunately the censors don't approve of this scene, so we'll have to change it. Good work though!
Xander: We were taping that?! (looks over at Riley) Uh, sorry, man.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick: (Forces a laugh) That Riley's got such tough luck...or maybe just some really bad genes. Well our next scene comes from season 5, called "Into The Woods". Enjoy.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Spike: What took you? (puts a cork in a bottle and sets it aside) Guess it takes a while to get back to full strength after those bites.
(Riley grabs Spike by the shirt and pulls him up out of the chair.)
Spike: Hey! Hey, let's be reasonable about this.
(Riley slams him up against a pillar.)
Riley: You may have noticed, Spike, (punches Spike in the face) I left reasonable about three exits back.
Spike: Look, I'm not the one who got you into this. Don't kill the messenger.
(Riley scowls. He pulls back his arm; there's a stake in his hand. He plunges it into Spike's chest. Spike gasps.)
Riley: Why the hell not?
(Spike lets out a painful yell as he crumbles into dust. Riley stands there, looking bewildered.)
Director: Cut! Riley, you idiot, you weren't supposed to actually stake him!
Riley: I thought it was plastic wood-grain...
Director: That's just for the script. Somebody call that demon that resurrected Darla. And get Dru; tell her that Spike needs to be turned again. He is not gonna like this.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick: (Forces a laugh) Ouch! That's gotta sting. Good thing Riley's gone, huh? They can't really afford his stupidity. Anyway, the last scene of our show is from "Spiral", again from season 5.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Xander: Hey, we gotta be like Sergeant Rock. Cool and collected in the face of overwhelming odds.
Anya: *Over*whelming? (turns to him) How much more than whelming would that be exactly?
Giles: Look, everything will be all right, we just need to stay here calmly. As soon as Buffy arrives-
(A large RV drives up and screeches to a halt in front of them. The windows are covered with aluminum foil. The gang waits patiently on the sidewalk for any sign of Buffy. A few minutes pass by.)
Director: Cut! Buffy, you're supposed to open the door for them. What's going on in there?
(Someone stumbles around inside the camper and muffled whispering is heard. Buffy steps out of the RV, her hair mussed, her cheeks flushed and her shirt on backwards.)
Buffy: Um, what was my line again?
Director: You don't have any lines yet. You open the door and sit down at the table.
Buffy: Oh, right, (glances back inside camper at someone) well, um, can I go back in now?
Director: (Slaps forehead) You kids are wearing me out.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick: (Forces a laugh) Well, that's it for our show, I hope you all enjoyed watching these scenes; I know I did. I'm Nick Lark for "Funny Outtakes You Never See On Buffy". I hope to see you all again, good night!
Finished: August 13, 2001
A/N: This is written as if the characters were actually played by themselves. But you'd probably have figured it out for yourself anyway. Sorry this took so long, but I ran out of scenes! THANKS to all the reviewers who encouraged me to do another sequel. Another THANKS goes out to my girls/muses, Kris, Rich, and Hils, who helped me through my battle to finish these. Luv ya!
~~ Funny Outtakes You Never See On Buffy ~~
Nick: Well, I see the producers of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" have allowed us to continue with our little bloopers show, "Funny Outtakes You Never See On Buffy", where we show funny outtakes you never see on "Buffy". I'm your host Nick Lark. The producers have provided us with some new off camera footage for you. I hope you enjoy it. The first scene comes from "I Was Made To Love You" from Season 5.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Spike: If you want me to leave you can put your hands on my hot, tight little body and make me.
Buffy: Okay!
(She proceeds to put her hands on his hot, tight little body.)
Director: Cut! Buffy, you're supposed to hate Spike.
Buffy: But I don't.
Director: You're repulsed by him.
Buffy: But I'm not.
Director: He chained you up and threatened you.
Buffy: Yeah, too bad that's over.
Director: How about this: if you don't follow the script, you're fired.
Buffy: Okay people; let's try this again!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick: (Forces a laugh) And they say men are pigs. Well, anyway our next clip is from the episode "Intervention" also in Season 5.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Glory: He doesn't look very fancy to me.
(She grabs Spike by the lower lip and pulls him upright.)
Spike: Hey, careful with the lip!
Glory: But if the Slayer protects him, maybe appearances are deceiving.
(She throws Spike onto her round bed. He lands on his back with his hands pinned underneath him. As he groans in pain, Glory straddles him.)
Glory: Oh, Spike, you're the *big* bad!
Director: Cut! Glory that's Buffy's line, not yours...try to stick to your own script.
Glory: (pouting) But I'm a God for crying out loud! I demand some fun!
Director: Glory--
Glory: Why do I have to spend all day with these grubby minions? Why does Buffy get all the hottie vamps?
Director: There'll be no Hellgod and vampire shaggage today--
Glory: (dreamy-like) He's got such nice lips, and well-defined cheekbones, and, well, don't get me started on his ass.
Spike: I've seen a few creepy things in my day, well, night, but this one tops the charts. Can't we just omit the bloody scene?
Director: No.
Spike: Please?
~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick: (Forces a laugh) Wow. She really is a nutcase, huh? Well, here's our next scene from "The Yoko Factor" from season 4.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Xander: She...kind of left that part out, huh?
Riley: Yeah, she did. That explains a lot of things that...I wish weren't explained.
Xander: Hey, man, that's all ancient history.
Riley: (scoffs) She went running to LA to bone up on her history.
Xander: Yeah, probably.
(Riley looks surprised.)
Xander: Well, don't tell her I told you, but it's been said you're not really a stevedore.
Riley: What?
Xander: (sighs) She says you're bad in the sack.
(Riley doesn't say anything.)
Xander: Yep, she's probably working off some built-up tension right about now.
Director: Cut! Great shot guys. Unfortunately the censors don't approve of this scene, so we'll have to change it. Good work though!
Xander: We were taping that?! (looks over at Riley) Uh, sorry, man.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick: (Forces a laugh) That Riley's got such tough luck...or maybe just some really bad genes. Well our next scene comes from season 5, called "Into The Woods". Enjoy.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Spike: What took you? (puts a cork in a bottle and sets it aside) Guess it takes a while to get back to full strength after those bites.
(Riley grabs Spike by the shirt and pulls him up out of the chair.)
Spike: Hey! Hey, let's be reasonable about this.
(Riley slams him up against a pillar.)
Riley: You may have noticed, Spike, (punches Spike in the face) I left reasonable about three exits back.
Spike: Look, I'm not the one who got you into this. Don't kill the messenger.
(Riley scowls. He pulls back his arm; there's a stake in his hand. He plunges it into Spike's chest. Spike gasps.)
Riley: Why the hell not?
(Spike lets out a painful yell as he crumbles into dust. Riley stands there, looking bewildered.)
Director: Cut! Riley, you idiot, you weren't supposed to actually stake him!
Riley: I thought it was plastic wood-grain...
Director: That's just for the script. Somebody call that demon that resurrected Darla. And get Dru; tell her that Spike needs to be turned again. He is not gonna like this.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick: (Forces a laugh) Ouch! That's gotta sting. Good thing Riley's gone, huh? They can't really afford his stupidity. Anyway, the last scene of our show is from "Spiral", again from season 5.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Xander: Hey, we gotta be like Sergeant Rock. Cool and collected in the face of overwhelming odds.
Anya: *Over*whelming? (turns to him) How much more than whelming would that be exactly?
Giles: Look, everything will be all right, we just need to stay here calmly. As soon as Buffy arrives-
(A large RV drives up and screeches to a halt in front of them. The windows are covered with aluminum foil. The gang waits patiently on the sidewalk for any sign of Buffy. A few minutes pass by.)
Director: Cut! Buffy, you're supposed to open the door for them. What's going on in there?
(Someone stumbles around inside the camper and muffled whispering is heard. Buffy steps out of the RV, her hair mussed, her cheeks flushed and her shirt on backwards.)
Buffy: Um, what was my line again?
Director: You don't have any lines yet. You open the door and sit down at the table.
Buffy: Oh, right, (glances back inside camper at someone) well, um, can I go back in now?
Director: (Slaps forehead) You kids are wearing me out.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick: (Forces a laugh) Well, that's it for our show, I hope you all enjoyed watching these scenes; I know I did. I'm Nick Lark for "Funny Outtakes You Never See On Buffy". I hope to see you all again, good night!