Gee, do you think we're about to join our lovable Final Fantasy VIII characters? You betcha! The boys our preparing to go on, and Quistis, Rinoa, and Fuujin are backstage digging for info. Let's see how the boys are doing first, shall we?
Zell- ......nice, nice icee......nice, nice icee......
Squall- What are you doing?
Zell- My, 'life is scary and I need to keep my mind on happy thoughts', chant.
Seifer- So you say, 'nice, nice icee'?
Zell- I love icees. Ever since I was a kid, and Ma took me to the Balamb Carnival, I've thought about those wonderful, frozen drinks whenever I'm scared. Those carrousels are frightening.
Irvine- Carrousels? The rides that go round and round on fake horses?
Seifer- You're a sad, sad, little man, Chicken-Wuss.
Zell- Hey, I'm just trying to keep my mind off the fact we're about to go strip off these ridiculous costumes in front of a bunch of crazy women.......
Raijin- And men, ya know?
Zell- Don't remind me! And what is it all for? We still don't know who's running this place, and if these feathers don't stop chaffing my.....
Squall- Shut up! Do you think this is any easier on the rest of us? You can hear that music, the wild screams, can't you? I can't take it! I'm loosing my mind! I....
*Seifer slaps Squall across the face to calm him*
Squall- Thank you. Anyway, we have to stay calm and suffer through this. If we chicken out now, we'll never finish this mission.
Raijin- And there's no way I can do this for a living, ya know? We gotta get through this.
Irvine- Buck up, boys! Just look on the bright side. Hordes of beautiful women will be clamoring to stuff gil down our shorts. What could be better?
Seifer- You know, that would be a little more reassuring if we knew for certain which pairs of ravaging hands belonged to actual women, and which belonged to guys like you! *yelling at Irvine*
Irvine- *getting right in Seifer's face* Don't be pointing fingers at me, /Muffy/, I know about that secret peep hole you have into Squall's dorm room. Don't deny it!
Seifer- *looks guilty*
Squall- What?!
Zell- Always wondered who drilled that hole.
Squall- You knew about this?
Raijin- Everyone knows about it, ya know?
Squall- That's it, I can't take anymore! There is no way this mission can get any worse.
Costume Girl- Oh, boys. *wearing big grin as she enters from the back*
Irvine- Oh dear......
Costume Girl- Guess who's next?
*****
Backstage (on the other side, naturally) the girls are......ahem.....poking around.
Quistis- Ok, we made it.
Rinoa- I can't believe how easy that was. They didn't even question whether I was really a guy in drag or not.
Fuujin- Yes......amazing......
Quistis- So, who should we........*while looking around suddenly spots a rather large man, and I mean that in every possible way, wearing nothing but an eyepatch. And it's no where near his face*.......Oh....my.....
Rinoa- I vote for asking him. Any arguments?
Quistis and Fuujin- NO!
Rinoa- Didn't think so. Umm, excuse me! *calling after the.....large....man, who turns back to the girls with a grin*
Large Man- Hey there. You guys new?
Quistis- She.....He......I mean, our friend here just got a job, and decided to show us around.
Large man- Good for you. I've worked at my share of places like this, but "The Promise Land," beats them all.
Fuujin- *eyes lingering where they probably shouldn't* Certainly seems that way from this angle.
Rinoa- *elbows Fuujin* Yeah, I love it so far, too. Say, what do you like most about this place? I'm.......just curious, is all.
Large Man- Well, the management's tops. Smart guys, great showmen, and......well, I'm sure you've seen 'em. *speaking to Rinoa, while a dreamy look spreads over his face*
Rinoa- Right.......yeah.
Quistis- So, you've met the bosses?
Large Man- Of course. They hire all the talent.
Fuujin- Any chance you know who they are?
Quistis- *whispering* Oh, yeah, that's not suspicious.
Large Man- Actually......I don't have a clue.
Quistis- You don't? But they hired you, right?
Large Man- They wear so much make-up, it's hard to tell. Only one man knows who they really are.
Rinoa- Who's that?
Large Man- I don't know his real name, but everyone calls him "Big Red." He trains most of the new guys. Haven't you met him?
Rinoa- Umm......not yet. Actually, I was looking for him. Know where he might be?
Large Man- Probably in his office. It's right through that door. *points to door down the hall*
Quistis- Thanks alot......errm.....what was your name?
Large Man- I'm, "The One-Eyed Pirate." At least on stage.
Fuujin- But.......you're not missing an eye.
Quistis- *whispering* Note the placement of the eyepatch one more time.
Fuujin- Huh.......oh......
The One-Eyed Pirate- Well, it's been a pleasure meeting you.
Rinoa- Same here.
The One-Eyed Pirate- I hope you don't mind, but this thing is terribly uncomfortable. *reaches down and swiftly removes said eyepatch* See you around. *walks away*
Quistis- Why can't all missions be like this one?
Rinoa- I don't know, but when this one's over, I'm taking him home.
Fuujin- I don't think he'd be too interested once he finds out you're not a man.
Rinoa- Damn. Well, he certainly was well junctioned.
Quistis- As much as I hate to interrupt such lovely evil thoughts, we better get going.
Rinoa- Yeah, we don't want him to get too far away.
Quistis- Not after him, to the office, you freak!
Rinoa- I meant that.......the office.....right......
Fuujin- Sure you did.
Rinoa- I swear.....!
*doesn't notice shadowy figure approaching*
Deep Voice- What are you doing here?
*girls whirl around to face a man with long red hair, wearing a pornographically tight vinyl catsuit. His face, however, is hidden in shadow*
Quistis- We're.....umm.....
Rinoa- I'm showing them around! I'm new here.
Deep Voice- I don't remember /you/ ever being hired, and the bosses tell me everything that goes on around here.
Rinoa- They do?
Fuujin- Then......are you..... "Big Red"?
Big Red- That's what some call me. Now, who are you? Spill it, or I'll have security drag you out onto your "poor excuse for men in drag" disguised hides.
Quistis- I'm not afraid of you! Just who do you think you are, hiding in the shadows like that? Too afraid to confront us face to face?
Big Red- Ha! I could take you all on at once. *steps out from shadows, revealing his face. He's wearing makeup, but not so much that the girls can't tell who he really is*
Rinoa- It's....it's.....
Girls- RENO!
Quistis- From FF7. I know you. You're that.....what are they called......Tick?
Reno- That's Turk, sweetheart. And just who are you that you know so much? Could you be.......you're those SeeD brats aren't you?!
Fuujin- That's right Tick Boy, and we're shutting this place down.
Reno- It's Turk! And just how do you think you're gonna do that?
*girls grin at each other....then at Reno....and suddenly......*
Quistis- Get him!
*.....they pounce. Reno doesn't stand a chance, and ends up with Quistis sitting on top of him while the other two hold his arms*
Quistis- Now, we want answers and you're gonna give them to us.
Reno- And if I don't?
Rinoa- Then we won't let you go.
Reno- Fine by me. I like this position. *winks up at Quistis*
Quistis- *doesn't even flinch, just merely grins back at him, digging her fingernails into a rather low and tender area :-)*
Reno- *eyes wide, in high pitched voice* You know, under different circumstances, this could be considered foreplay.
Quistis- *digs fingernails deeper* Talk, Tick-head. Who's really running this place.
Reno- Eeaayyy......do you know what they'd do to me if I told you that?
Quistis- Do you know what I'll do to you if you don't?
Rinoa- You better tell us, cause she means business.
Fuujin- We basically know already, anyways, so you'd only be confirming.
Quistis- The villains from FF7, FF9, and Xenogears. So, that would be.......
Reno- Ok, ok! It's Sephiroth, Kuja, and Krelian! Happy?!
Rinoa- Of course! The three silver-haired men!
Fuujin- I thought Krelian's hair was blue.
Quistis- I thought it was platinum.
Reno- Actually, it's been both, but recently he dyed it silver to fit in. Oh, and by the way, would you kindly remove your nails of death from my.....!
Quistis- Fine! Sheesh, so touchy.
*girls let Reno up*
Rinoa- Hey, if they're behind this, where do you come in?
Reno- Are you kidding? When I heard Sephiroth talking about opening this joint, there's no way I could pass up an opportunity like that!
Rinoa- .......ok.
Announcer- Ladies and......those who wish they were ladies, "The Promise Land," proudly presents our newest talent for your viewing pleasure.......
Quistis- *gasp* They're starting!
Fuujin- What should we do?
Rinoa- I suppose the right thing to do would be to help the guys somehow. You know.....stop them from performing?
Fuujin- That's no fun.
Rinoa- My thoughts exactly.
Quistis- *grabbing Reno's collar as he tries to sneak away* Oh, Ticky, any chance you've got your stick with you?
Reno- I think your nails already proved that one, remember?
Quistis- Not that twig, I'm talking about your Electro-Mag Rod. Do you have it with you?
Reno-......yeah.......why?
Quistis- I think I know the perfect way to get a front row seat at the best show in town, and close this place up.......all at once.
Rinoa- How's that?
Quistis- *leading Reno further backstage* Follow me.......
*****
Part 6! About time, huh? The best is yet to come! Please keep reviewing! PLEASE! I'll give you a cookie. :-)
Zell- ......nice, nice icee......nice, nice icee......
Squall- What are you doing?
Zell- My, 'life is scary and I need to keep my mind on happy thoughts', chant.
Seifer- So you say, 'nice, nice icee'?
Zell- I love icees. Ever since I was a kid, and Ma took me to the Balamb Carnival, I've thought about those wonderful, frozen drinks whenever I'm scared. Those carrousels are frightening.
Irvine- Carrousels? The rides that go round and round on fake horses?
Seifer- You're a sad, sad, little man, Chicken-Wuss.
Zell- Hey, I'm just trying to keep my mind off the fact we're about to go strip off these ridiculous costumes in front of a bunch of crazy women.......
Raijin- And men, ya know?
Zell- Don't remind me! And what is it all for? We still don't know who's running this place, and if these feathers don't stop chaffing my.....
Squall- Shut up! Do you think this is any easier on the rest of us? You can hear that music, the wild screams, can't you? I can't take it! I'm loosing my mind! I....
*Seifer slaps Squall across the face to calm him*
Squall- Thank you. Anyway, we have to stay calm and suffer through this. If we chicken out now, we'll never finish this mission.
Raijin- And there's no way I can do this for a living, ya know? We gotta get through this.
Irvine- Buck up, boys! Just look on the bright side. Hordes of beautiful women will be clamoring to stuff gil down our shorts. What could be better?
Seifer- You know, that would be a little more reassuring if we knew for certain which pairs of ravaging hands belonged to actual women, and which belonged to guys like you! *yelling at Irvine*
Irvine- *getting right in Seifer's face* Don't be pointing fingers at me, /Muffy/, I know about that secret peep hole you have into Squall's dorm room. Don't deny it!
Seifer- *looks guilty*
Squall- What?!
Zell- Always wondered who drilled that hole.
Squall- You knew about this?
Raijin- Everyone knows about it, ya know?
Squall- That's it, I can't take anymore! There is no way this mission can get any worse.
Costume Girl- Oh, boys. *wearing big grin as she enters from the back*
Irvine- Oh dear......
Costume Girl- Guess who's next?
*****
Backstage (on the other side, naturally) the girls are......ahem.....poking around.
Quistis- Ok, we made it.
Rinoa- I can't believe how easy that was. They didn't even question whether I was really a guy in drag or not.
Fuujin- Yes......amazing......
Quistis- So, who should we........*while looking around suddenly spots a rather large man, and I mean that in every possible way, wearing nothing but an eyepatch. And it's no where near his face*.......Oh....my.....
Rinoa- I vote for asking him. Any arguments?
Quistis and Fuujin- NO!
Rinoa- Didn't think so. Umm, excuse me! *calling after the.....large....man, who turns back to the girls with a grin*
Large Man- Hey there. You guys new?
Quistis- She.....He......I mean, our friend here just got a job, and decided to show us around.
Large man- Good for you. I've worked at my share of places like this, but "The Promise Land," beats them all.
Fuujin- *eyes lingering where they probably shouldn't* Certainly seems that way from this angle.
Rinoa- *elbows Fuujin* Yeah, I love it so far, too. Say, what do you like most about this place? I'm.......just curious, is all.
Large Man- Well, the management's tops. Smart guys, great showmen, and......well, I'm sure you've seen 'em. *speaking to Rinoa, while a dreamy look spreads over his face*
Rinoa- Right.......yeah.
Quistis- So, you've met the bosses?
Large Man- Of course. They hire all the talent.
Fuujin- Any chance you know who they are?
Quistis- *whispering* Oh, yeah, that's not suspicious.
Large Man- Actually......I don't have a clue.
Quistis- You don't? But they hired you, right?
Large Man- They wear so much make-up, it's hard to tell. Only one man knows who they really are.
Rinoa- Who's that?
Large Man- I don't know his real name, but everyone calls him "Big Red." He trains most of the new guys. Haven't you met him?
Rinoa- Umm......not yet. Actually, I was looking for him. Know where he might be?
Large Man- Probably in his office. It's right through that door. *points to door down the hall*
Quistis- Thanks alot......errm.....what was your name?
Large Man- I'm, "The One-Eyed Pirate." At least on stage.
Fuujin- But.......you're not missing an eye.
Quistis- *whispering* Note the placement of the eyepatch one more time.
Fuujin- Huh.......oh......
The One-Eyed Pirate- Well, it's been a pleasure meeting you.
Rinoa- Same here.
The One-Eyed Pirate- I hope you don't mind, but this thing is terribly uncomfortable. *reaches down and swiftly removes said eyepatch* See you around. *walks away*
Quistis- Why can't all missions be like this one?
Rinoa- I don't know, but when this one's over, I'm taking him home.
Fuujin- I don't think he'd be too interested once he finds out you're not a man.
Rinoa- Damn. Well, he certainly was well junctioned.
Quistis- As much as I hate to interrupt such lovely evil thoughts, we better get going.
Rinoa- Yeah, we don't want him to get too far away.
Quistis- Not after him, to the office, you freak!
Rinoa- I meant that.......the office.....right......
Fuujin- Sure you did.
Rinoa- I swear.....!
*doesn't notice shadowy figure approaching*
Deep Voice- What are you doing here?
*girls whirl around to face a man with long red hair, wearing a pornographically tight vinyl catsuit. His face, however, is hidden in shadow*
Quistis- We're.....umm.....
Rinoa- I'm showing them around! I'm new here.
Deep Voice- I don't remember /you/ ever being hired, and the bosses tell me everything that goes on around here.
Rinoa- They do?
Fuujin- Then......are you..... "Big Red"?
Big Red- That's what some call me. Now, who are you? Spill it, or I'll have security drag you out onto your "poor excuse for men in drag" disguised hides.
Quistis- I'm not afraid of you! Just who do you think you are, hiding in the shadows like that? Too afraid to confront us face to face?
Big Red- Ha! I could take you all on at once. *steps out from shadows, revealing his face. He's wearing makeup, but not so much that the girls can't tell who he really is*
Rinoa- It's....it's.....
Girls- RENO!
Quistis- From FF7. I know you. You're that.....what are they called......Tick?
Reno- That's Turk, sweetheart. And just who are you that you know so much? Could you be.......you're those SeeD brats aren't you?!
Fuujin- That's right Tick Boy, and we're shutting this place down.
Reno- It's Turk! And just how do you think you're gonna do that?
*girls grin at each other....then at Reno....and suddenly......*
Quistis- Get him!
*.....they pounce. Reno doesn't stand a chance, and ends up with Quistis sitting on top of him while the other two hold his arms*
Quistis- Now, we want answers and you're gonna give them to us.
Reno- And if I don't?
Rinoa- Then we won't let you go.
Reno- Fine by me. I like this position. *winks up at Quistis*
Quistis- *doesn't even flinch, just merely grins back at him, digging her fingernails into a rather low and tender area :-)*
Reno- *eyes wide, in high pitched voice* You know, under different circumstances, this could be considered foreplay.
Quistis- *digs fingernails deeper* Talk, Tick-head. Who's really running this place.
Reno- Eeaayyy......do you know what they'd do to me if I told you that?
Quistis- Do you know what I'll do to you if you don't?
Rinoa- You better tell us, cause she means business.
Fuujin- We basically know already, anyways, so you'd only be confirming.
Quistis- The villains from FF7, FF9, and Xenogears. So, that would be.......
Reno- Ok, ok! It's Sephiroth, Kuja, and Krelian! Happy?!
Rinoa- Of course! The three silver-haired men!
Fuujin- I thought Krelian's hair was blue.
Quistis- I thought it was platinum.
Reno- Actually, it's been both, but recently he dyed it silver to fit in. Oh, and by the way, would you kindly remove your nails of death from my.....!
Quistis- Fine! Sheesh, so touchy.
*girls let Reno up*
Rinoa- Hey, if they're behind this, where do you come in?
Reno- Are you kidding? When I heard Sephiroth talking about opening this joint, there's no way I could pass up an opportunity like that!
Rinoa- .......ok.
Announcer- Ladies and......those who wish they were ladies, "The Promise Land," proudly presents our newest talent for your viewing pleasure.......
Quistis- *gasp* They're starting!
Fuujin- What should we do?
Rinoa- I suppose the right thing to do would be to help the guys somehow. You know.....stop them from performing?
Fuujin- That's no fun.
Rinoa- My thoughts exactly.
Quistis- *grabbing Reno's collar as he tries to sneak away* Oh, Ticky, any chance you've got your stick with you?
Reno- I think your nails already proved that one, remember?
Quistis- Not that twig, I'm talking about your Electro-Mag Rod. Do you have it with you?
Reno-......yeah.......why?
Quistis- I think I know the perfect way to get a front row seat at the best show in town, and close this place up.......all at once.
Rinoa- How's that?
Quistis- *leading Reno further backstage* Follow me.......
*****
Part 6! About time, huh? The best is yet to come! Please keep reviewing! PLEASE! I'll give you a cookie. :-)