Strength of Character
Thanks to my online little brother Dan for hearing the
idea out, and thanks to Torankusu for hearing and helping to refine it. Thanks
guys! You're the best! Also Torankusu, thanks for the inspiration and idea to
make this better than what I had original thought of and for being truthful and
telling me what I was doing wrong, I appreciate it. ^_~
Sweat dripped off the man's skin adding to the
collection on the once dry ground as he fought for control, which was fast
slipping further and further from him. He tried to shut out the thoughts, but
to no avail. It was slipping further and further, he was losing control.
Just give in. Why do you bother to fight us? Your friends
need you to have this power; Chichi and Gohan deserve your all. For them, the
sacrifice is worth it, isn't it? You'd have all the strength and power to
protect them…no one would dare attack them…give in…
Why was he fighting? If he gave in then all that
would be true. He would be the mightiest warrior; he could protect Chichi and
Gohan without problems…but at what price? He could lose himself. No, not could,
he would lose himself. If he did, he would become what the other
Saiya-jins had been and he had promised himself that he wasn't one of them…but
he'd come to accept what he was when Vegita died. Still, if he did give in, no
one would dare attack them because they'd be dead…dead by his hands… No use…
whatever it was, it called out to him, a Siren's song and he could feel his
control slip further and further away from him.
And then, from the farthest depths of his soul came
a face that he never wanted to see again. A face that was responsible for where
he was now. Rage simmered and surfaced driving away the thoughts, bringing him
back to himself, to the blazing gold aura about him.
"No!" came the strangled cry of one who knew what it
was to suffer.
Son Gokou grabbed his head between his hands and
forced the power away. He staggered backwards a few feet and flopped down on
the rocky ground ignoring the sharp pebbles beneath him. That had been a close
call, too close, far too close. What would have happened if he'd given into
whatever that was? Something inside told him that he didn't want to know.
In spite of everything, he gave a grim, tired smile;
he didn't know why though. He still had a long way to go. At that realization,
sorrow cut keenly through him. If the ships calendar wasn't malfunctioning,
he'd been on Yardrat-sei for four months now, and all though Yardrat-sei was
very beautiful, he missed Chikyuu-sei, he missed his home and his friends, but
most of all, he missed his wife, and his son. He longed to go back home, but he
knew he couldn't until he had control whatever this was.
Tomorrow was another day, he mused grimly. Another
day to deal with whatever it was. What was it anyhow? He sighed, maybe when he
learned to control it, he would find out what it was.
He sat there dejectedly. He had tried everything
that he could think of. What now? If he kept doing what he'd just been doing
he'd never get home! More, he'd never learn the control he so desperately
needed to learn! But what could he try? There had to be something he hadn't
tried!
He stared at the ground, focusing on nothing as he
contemplated what to do. As he did, he started to come close to a… he didn't
know what it was, but it had something to do with the Super Saiyan, he knew it
did right down to his bones. With a start he realized he'd been meditating.
Meditation? Maybe, that could work. He hadn't tried
that yet and he certainly didn't have anything to lose, except his sanity and
himself that is. But wasn't meditation a way to sort things out? It was in his
book.
But when was he going to do this? Not right now, he
was too tired and too hungry. Nighttime? Perfect. The night offered solitude
and the cave he'd discovered while poking around in the hills was the perfect
place to do it. Standing, he waited a few seconds for the disorientation from
his previous try to pass. He began to follow the aroma of food. For some
reason, he'd been more ravenous than normal, strange.
~~~***~~~
Night, beyond twilight, he estimated that it was
probably eleven o'clock according to Chikyuu-sei's time. No one was out that he
could sense, good. Levitating into the air he flew towards the hills. Entering
the cave, he called upon his ki to light his way as he went to the heart of the
cave. Gently, he punched the wall so that rocks fell to the ground. With his
foot, he moved them to the center of the cave floor. Taking the called up ki,
he shot it at the rocks.
Fire sprang up happily, warm and light giving.
Sitting in front of it, he stared into it and allowed himself to slip into a
trance-like state. He had to learn how to control this thing! What was it? On
Nameck, Vegita had called it Super Saiyan when he saw Gokou.
Well, he had a name, but that wasn't a big help. He
started to think of what had occurred when he'd transformed. He'd caught a
glimpse of himself in the water on Nameck. Golden blond hair and green eyes;
he'd seen green eyes before, but they didn't come close to the color that his
had become. Was this all it was? Just another form? No, it couldn't be. If it
was just another form, then he shouldn't have any problems controlling it, but
as fate would have it, he was having a whole lot of problems controlling it.
No, it was more than just another form with an
attached name; he didn't know what it was just yet, but he would learn. He set
it aside for now. Still in his trance-like state, he transformed. It was a good
thing he was in a trance, because the thoughts started immediately.
Detached, he examined those thoughts. Bloodlust,
rape, killing, fighting, destruction…a hunter's soul. But he wasn't a hunter.
Maybe, he wasn't the hunter, but he couldn't say the same for this form;
it was a hunter, it was everything that… everything that Raditz was, everything
that Nappa was…everything that Vegita was in a fight.
Another form? No, not anymore it wasn't. It was
something else, something more. It was a totally different entity. An entity
that was the Saiya-jin nature in all its gruesome glory. No wonder he'd had
problems figuring out what it was; the Saiya-jin nature had long ago been set
aside. Something inside told him he was on the right track.
But if that's what it was, how could it be
controlled? Rage he knew could help, but it couldn't help him forever, he was
not an angry man, and it was hard to get him truly angry. Kuririn's death had
certainly done the trick, but he couldn't use that forever.
Nameck. What about Nameck? How did he do it on
Nameck? The thoughts hadn't bothered him there. Why, though? Because he'd been
too busy getting rid of Furiza to notice or hear.
No longer detached, but still in meditation, Son
Gokou reached out to the thoughts, letting himself hear them. This would end
now! He would control this power!
Rape, the need to kill and cause destruction, fight,
bloodlust! They roared in his mind and reverberated in his very soul;
unconsciously, he moaned under the onslaught. But he didn't pull back. He was
going to get rid of these thoughts once and for all!
The thoughts diminished into one thought, one
thought became a whisper, the whisper became a voice that was connected to a
person standing in the far off gloom.
You intend to drive us away? Do you think you can? The
voice was scornful and continued to be so. You want to give in; you know
you do. It's getting harder and harder to resist. You want the power, you want
to become the hunter, you want to be what your friends and family need and
want. Don't you? Don't you just want to stop? Stop the pain and torture? It's
tearing you apart! So give into it, Chichi and Gohan deserve the best that you
can be, your friends deserve your all as well, can't you feel that? Can't you
see it? Give in.
Again, that
question. The question that made every fiber of his being tremble. It called
out to him ready to pull him in just like a Siren pulled a ship to its watery
grave. He found himself longing to answer what he knew would doom him.
With difficulty, he resisted the urge to answer,
knowing if he did, his fate would be sealed. The question however, raised
several valid points. If he did give in, he would become what his friends
needed…and yet, if he did, he would become little better than Furiza. If he
gave in, he would lose himself to the darkness that this thing offered him.
Yes, Chichi and Gohan definitely deserved all that he was, but not at the
sacrifice of losing himself. So, quite truthfully, the sacrifice was not worth
it.
But we are you.
We are you? No,
they weren't him! There was only one Son Gokou and that was himself! But wait!
Perhaps they were him. If the Super Saiyan was another entity, then that entity
was now apart of him because he was a Saiyan and because that entity was in one
way another, part of every Saiya-jin, be he dead or alive.
He looked at the figure standing in the gloom, he
could just barely make out defined muscles and spiky hair…and his shaking soul
called out to him and the figure stirred, but made no move to turn to him.
Frowning, he decided to be truthful. Yes, he did want
that power, he even wanted to be that hunter; he would be able to protect so
many lives, so many people if he gave in! This was tearing him apart, the two
souls. His soul as Chikyuu-sei's greatest warrior and hero, and this soul that
was the long dead and forgotten nature of his dead race. Yes, the sacrifice
would be worth it in its own way, but he didn't want to lose who he was. He had
declared himself an ally of good, and he wanted to remain that way, not become
evil incarnate like Furiza had been.
Again, his soul the soul of the hunter and the
warrior called out to the immobile figure, but he remained as he was, silent
and unmoving.
Resist? Yes, it was worth it… wasn't it? If he lost
himself where would he be? But, it was pointless! The entity and power; they
were apart of him; they were in his blood.
He looked at the figure and his soul bled because he
couldn't see him; he felt like a life long bond was breaking…a bond between him
and the person over there. His blood called out to the person, and the person
turned to face him.
Himself! The Super Saiyan!
'You are me!' he thought with wonder. 'You're part
of my blood, soul, and being. What now?'
The Super Saiyan smiled and wounds healed as if they
had never been; he hadn't even realized the wounds in soul until now. He was so
intent on trying to control something that he couldn't accept and it had
wounded him in return.
Suddenly, all disappeared and Son Gokou's eyes
snapped open. Blazing gold and the power of myths overwhelmed his senses.
Densetsu no Super Saiyan and Son Gokou, both were
him, both made up who he was. Now, it was time to learn that technique that the
Yardrat-jins had. It would be useful in evading Vegita.
Powering down, he left the cave, the fire having
blown out long ago by his power.
Lady Kyia
