Author's Note: Some of you asked me what a "wakazashi" is. Well, it's like this. A samurai usually carries two swords: A katana and a wakazashi. Kenshin exchanged his katana for a sakabatou, and he got rid of the wakazashi altogether. A wakazashi is primarily used to block attacks and perhaps to distract the opponent from the real killer, the katana. More importantly, a wakazashi is a shorter sword. Kenshin therefore has a long sword, which is his sakabatou, and, well…a shorter (not necessarily a "short" one, mind you) sword all his own. Get it?
Tee hee! Might be too nasty, but this comedy isn't for the weak of heart. I have scandalously played with all the characters, especially Kenshin. Perhaps even angering a few people by the OOCiness of Kenshin and Tomoe! Well, I tend to do that with comedy, so friends, ne? I believe in keeping the Kenshin-gumi in character when I'm doing a drama, but for comedy…let's just say I want to be unconventional.
Maybe sessha would like to plead for forgiveness? (*Dodges a rain of tomatoes and the occasional spear*) AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! DON'T KILL ME RABID OTAKU TRIBE!!!!
Lots of WAFF in this chapter. Be warned. Too much comedy can be bad for the gut anyway. Oh, and don't dis me for Kenshin having a mirror. You'll know what I mean after you read this.
Standard disclaimers apply.
Mind of the Woman
Part XI: Discovery
It was apparent by Kaoru's route that she was heading for Sano's part of town. I had expected this, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. Sano may have been the number one tough guy in his district, but he wasn't the number sleaze. That was reserved for the area's more rag-tagged members, which were, quite possibly at this moment, ogling my Kaoru in her finery.
Oh, just let them try to do anything more than look. I'll be on them so fast that they wouldn't even know what hit them.
Fortunately for everyone, they took a hands-off policy, and perhaps, discussed among themselves her comeliness after Kaoru had passed them.
She detoured from the food stall where Sano supposedly waited for his assignments and took a more secluded path. She stopped a while at a flower stall to purchase a small bouquet then went her way again.
Where is she going?
This question would be answered a little while later when she turned to head for the graveyard.
I sighed to myself. The Graveyard…at night?
Why would she…?
She could have just gone in the light of day, when it was safer. And even if she wanted to go at night for some odd reason, she could have just told me. I would have gladly accompanied her.
Oh, but visits to the graveyard…when the sorrow cannot be shared by anyone else…it's always best to go alone.
I should know that.
But why at night…?
…so no one would see her pain…
No. That was almost improbable. Kaoru, considerate as she is about worrying anyone, couldn't possibly be so contemplative about matters of tragedy. She is a vision of life. She lives for happiness. Her pain could not run so deep that she would prefer to keep it to herself. She could not have that kind of pain. Not her. Not ever.
The graveyard was quite, blanketed by a light mist. A few lamps, glowing serenely upon some of the tombstones, speckled the darkness.
Okay, so another insight. Kaoru…likes the dark? I haven't a clue whether that should be any cause for concern. I mean, Kaoru is usually afraid of things not expected of a kenjetsu adjutant master. Like thunder, and rats. On the other hand, Kamatari didn't scare her (which is a big thing considering Kamatari could frighten more than half of the male population of Japan), nor did Shogo Amakusa, nor did Enishi. I suppose the dark falls under her category of scary bad guys.
That doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but then, it's the reason I'm here.
I saw her approach a black marble slab, then she went to her knees to place her purchased flowers on the foot of it.
The darkness gave me more opportunity to get close, and I was able to read the name on the tombstone.
Kamiya Tetsuro.
Her father's grave.
"Good evening father…"
Ah. Now I can hear her.
"How long has it been? Four years? Maybe more."
Her thoughts rang with her sadness. Goodness…this is seriously getting to me. After almost two weeks of hearing nothing from her but carefree thoughts, the realization that this is a completely different matter is hitting me like a ton of bricks.
Why is she visiting…?
"It was around this time, four years ago that a soldier came to the house to tell me that you were dead. That was the worse day of my life, daddy."
The anniversary of her father's death. Why didn't she say anything? Why did she…all these "whys". Somehow, I am beginning to get a nagging sensation that I should be listening a bit more.
"I'm still trying to get used to not having you around. It's silly, but remember when I used to bawl so much when I got a splinter in my finger as a six-year-old? I still bawl like that, though I think the splinters are in a different place. No real complaints, actually. Basically, I'm happy to be alive, and I'm happy to have such wonderful friends…family, really. We take care of each other. But…I do miss you, daddy. I sometimes still wish that you were here."
I think…I think I have some dust in my eyes. It feels a little stingy.
"I could always tell you my problems and you would always have an answer. Now…well, I have no one to turn to. Your hime-chan is lonely."
Hime-chan…yes, Kaoru would be her father's little princess, wouldn't she? Lonely hime-chan.
There it is again. The lonely bit. I listened.
"What I have now…their company, their love, eventually they will all drift away with their own lives. Nothing is permanent, ne? I would never hold any of them down, so I'll let them go, with a smile on my face and some tears in my eyes. Yahiko…he's growing up. He'll be a little brat for maybe three more years, then he will become a grown-up brat who won't need his 'hag' so much any more. Sano…gay or straight…he's expressed a desire to travel. I think he wants to go to the New World. America, I think? Megumi, the good doctor, boyfriend stealing fox lady…"
I could not help but chuckle at that one. I don't know why Kaoru is so jealous of her. I'm fairly certain it's not because of the looks. Both women had their own beauty. If it was the cooking…well, if I had ventured to love Kaoru for her cooking, then I certainly would have fared badly all this time, but she should know by now that no amount of her vile concoctions could get me to stop loving her.
Oh, yes. I forgot. She hasn't realized I love her, has she? Definitely a downer to the loneliness issue.
"She'll leave as well. Back to Aizu, which is her real home," Kaoru continued. "And then there's the rurouni…that's what he is…a rurouni. One day…I just know it will be soon. He'll give me the ole' 'it's not you, it's me' bit and go his way, just like he almost did with Kyoto."
Oro! Kyoto was so last season! Can't she forget about that…
Focus! Don't be such a jerk!
Yes. I am being a jerk. I hurt her, badly, when I left for Kyoto. I should have apologized. I should have told her that Kyoto wouldn't happen again.
"I never knew what the 'kiss of death' meant until he said his sayonara to me that time. It hurt like anything, and when I stopped crying, I wanted to beat the crapper out of him!"
Somehow, I don't doubt her words.
"If you were around, you'd probably knock some sense into that idiot. I mean, really daddy…could anyone be more clueless?"
Well, would you look at that? Maybe Kaoru and I really are meant for each other. A couple of clueless…
"Maybe you ought to give him a ghostly wake up call. Give the rurouni the whipping he deserves for leading me on so much."
Oro! First Tomoe and then Kamiya-sama! That would be absolutely terrifying! Her father, whipping my ass because I had dared to love his little girl! Oh! The horror! Please, Kaoru, don't even go there! After all the things that has been happening, I wouldn't be surprised if Kamiya Tetsuro rose from the grave right this very moment!
"Oh, I can see it now, daddy. The Hitokiri Battousai, savior of Japan, quaking under your booming voice and penetrative gaze. That would be utterly priceless!"
Thunder suddenly rumbled in the sky.
Ohhhhhhhh! This is giving me the creeps! Kaoru, hurry up already!
Kaoru jumped, hugging herself as she looked up. When no rain fell and she was fairly certain that Kami-sama wouldn't pop out from the heavens brandishing lightning bolts, she lowered her gaze to the ground and then…and then…she began to cry.
My heart wrenched seeing her this way. I contemplated coming out of the shadows and letting her take comfort in my arms, but I think that would make her forget her sorrow too fast in the onslaught of anger she would inevitably feel upon discovering I had followed her.
"What is Kenshin so afraid of, anyway? Is he afraid that I cannot cope with a man having a past like his? Does he think so little of me that he has decided that I cannot understand? His life before…the Bakumatsu…Tomoe…am I such a child to him that he would never venture to help me understand? He was hitokiri…killed so many others that they seek revenge for his deeds. He constantly fears that his past will harm me and he has decided that he is not worthy of me…Kenshin, you idiot! Don't you know that it's for me to decide who is worthy of me or not?"
I withheld my sigh. Again with the "Kenshin, you idiot". My brows knotted.
Oh, but Kaoru…you do not know what you want.
"He thinks I am too young to know what I want…"
It's as if she had replied to me.
"…he doesn't realize that just like the rest of them, I was forced to grow up faster than what was expected of me. The difference…is that I did it with a smile. I smiled through the pain. Is that so wrong? Maybe I shouldn't have. Maybe I should have done it with blood, and tears, like all the others. But…I suppose you had sheltered me, daddy. You did it out of love, I know. I am grateful. And perhaps I was too young to join the war. What would they do with a squirt like me in the Ishinshishi, ne? But I'm strong. You know that, don't you daddy? You know about the things the townspeople said after they found out you died?"
The townspeople…?
"They said I should get a husband real soon. That I should marry because I couldn't possibly survive by myself. Sixteen, and they said I should be married. Like hell! All those boys coming to call, bragging about what they could give me just so the little girl with the dojo would marry them. Feh! It was sickening, daddy! They promised me the moon and the stars as if the moon and stars were legally partitioned between the lot of them. What idiots! You don't know how many jerks I had to kick between the legs just to get them off our property."
Oro…those poor fools. I guess when it comes down to it, no man deserves a beating there, but Kaoru is never one to hold back on inflicting physical pain.
"When no man in their right mind would come near acidic little ole me, that's when the rumormongers really went on a blitz. Goodness! They had a field day! They judged me for my independence. They said I was an arrogant bitch for teaching kendo as if I wasn't a woman. They said I didn't want men, which wasn't so bad because I didn't want anything to do with the lot of males at the time, and then they topped it off with rumors about me teaching killers, and what not. It figures. I ought to tell them men aren't the only ones who can hold their own swords! Umm…I didn't mean anything by that, daddy. Hehe…"
What?!?! H-How dare they! How can they do that to Kaoru? How can they even think it? How can they--wha? Hold their own swords…ororororo!!
"Didn't get better when I adopted the pickpocket and the rooster-head, and I'm not even going to tell you what they said when I took in Kenshin. It's not polite to utter the things they talked about behind my back."
Ooooh! When I get my hands on those…those bastards! My Kaoru is the kindest soul in Japan. I will never allow anyone to say anything bad about her!
"You wouldn't believe how many customers Tae kicked out of her restaurant because she heard them talking about me like that. Tae would go on a rampage so many times that even I urged her to stop fighting with the customers. Her business shouldn't have to suffer because of me. Besides, it took me a while, but I realized that I don't care about what other people say. The only regard I seek to uphold is the ones of my friends. They know the truth, and they respect me for it. That's all that matters to me."
A smile crossed her lips amidst the tears on her cheeks. "How funny that I have managed to displease the elders so much. Could you imagine how scandalized they would be if they found out Kenshin did the cooking and the laundry? Mou!"
I suppose…doing the cooking and laundry isn't very appropriate for a hitokiri. Feh! Don't they know that some of the greatest chefs in China are men? And…and the best laundry men…are…are…
Well, that doesn't matter! I'm here to know about Kaoru!
"The ones I care about…it is only their opinion that holds weight for me. If anything…those experiences…I wish Kenshin would realize that strength of character builds under different circumstances, so that he would believe that I have a way of understanding the depths of his pain, if I won't understand it all at once. I suppose…I would never fully grasp how it is to hold the sword that killed the one he cared for the most, but I am not afraid to listen. I am not afraid to know that pain, and because I will listen, maybe I can lessen the pain, if not share in it completely. Why is it so hard for him to believe?"
Why indeed?
Because I have refused to believe. I want to see her as the pretty little girl. The fine crystal that should be kept in a glass case, to be looked upon and admired, when what I should have been doing was hold it in my hand to cherish it.
Strength of character builds under different circumstances, she had surmised.
I…can't believe she knows that…in such a peaceful time as this. I can't believe I didn't realize it until I heard her think it.
I…can't believe I'm such an IDIOT!
She is…stronger and purer than anyone I know. Brave, fearless and kind beyond the requirements of God. She lost her parents at a young age, refused to marry for support and lived by herself. She challenged the Hitokiri Battousai not because defeating me would give her renown, nor did she seek vengeance. She simply could not stand the thought that I was hurting people, using her father's budo to boot. I loved her then, and I loved her even more when she asked me to stay. She said she didn't care about my past, when what she was really saying was that she was willing to be part of my future, whatever it brought her. She cares about now, and the future. To her, I am doing right. The happiest day of my life was when she took me in, unhampered by fear or repulsion. Then she saved Yahiko from a life of servitude with the Yakuza, risking her life for the strange ten-year-old boy who had picked my pocket. She accepted an ex-gangster who consistently ate off on her earnings.
So many times she saved me from breaking my vow, my vow never to kill again. She used no physical force or sword skill. Her pure, concentrated spirit got me through everything without staining my hands anymore than they already are. Jin-eh, Shishio, Shogo…Enishi…it was her.
She is strong. It doesn't matter that she would never know the torment I suffered. What matters is that she is willing to understand it, and that she can take that burden with me.
I thought too little of Kamiya Kaoru…just like Tomoe said…
Not anymore. That has changed.
How ironic that I saw the light amidst all this darkness.
Ah. These moody nights can sure make me dramatic, can't it?
The fact of the matter is, I still think I am unworthy of her, but Kaoru is right. It is for her to decide.
Sometimes, the loopholes of philosophy makes life just a wee bit more bearable.
I can see Aoshi just killing me for even thinking that! Well, up yours Buddha Boy! If compromises are for the weak of will, then he can just call me a simpering, foolish, love-monkey. I'll probably deck him for it, of course, but it will be nothing the good doctor Megumi couldn't handle.
Kaoru stood up from her kneeling position and prepared to leave the graveyard.
"Mou! It's late!" She thought with a barely audible sigh. She wiped her face on the sleeve of her kimono and began her way.
Okay. Next problem. How do I trail her and get to the dojo ahead of her at the same time? Acrobatics will definitely be required.
I uncoiled a bit from my crouching position and heard a muscle on my backside snap.
Oww…For heaven's sake! I'm not that old, am I? Alright, scratch the acrobatics idea. I don't want to incapacitate myself. I can just see myself as a doddering old man, leaning on my sword instead of a cane. Of course, my back would be bent over because all those Amakakeru Ryu no Hirameki moves have caught up on me.
"When I was a yongun," I would say to a bunch of children with my age-worn voice. "I could beat the tail out of ten men, de gozaru yo*Hack! Wheez! A-hack!* Nobody stood a chance in hell, de gozaru *Hack!* I'd give 'em all a hiyah! And a kiyah!" I'd swing my sword, forgetting it's the only thing supporting me and promptly fall facedown on the floor.
An old Sano would nudge me with his foot. He'd be toothless from all the fights he got into when he was younger, bald except for a few white spikes still left on his head, a bachelor, and he still gambles. "Hey, you putz! Get off the floor! Jou-chan wants you."
"She does…? I-I'm right there, my sweet!!!"
Kaoru would come out, still beautiful in spite of the white hair on her once ebony head. "Don't you 'my sweet' me, rurouni! It's been fifty years!!! I've had it with waiting! Are you going to marry me or aren't you?"
"This unworthy one…*hack!*"
"Oh just forget it, Kenshin! You can't get it up anymore anyway!"
Oro! What a nightmare! I'd hope at least that I could ask her hand in marriage a lot sooner than fifty years!
Wait a minute. What's that? Ki I do not like.
"Well, lookee here! A pretty little girl all alone in the graveyard!"
I glared at the figure of a man, dressed in a cheap kimono ensemble, flanked by two more goons.
I know…I should talk when it comes to clothes. I'm not exactly haute couture, but at this point, they're the lowest of the low, and not even this unworthy one would admit to be beneath them. They all held clubs, and I honestly wondered what they hoped to do with those flimsy things.
"Mou! Don't they ever learn?" Kaoru surmised in great irritation. She turned up her nose and I believe I have never seen Kaoru look haughtier. She was calm and collected. One thing was certain, she had done this before.
Well, whoever these morons are, they've made a mistake. Nobody lays a hand on my Kaoru if I can help it.
"How are your nuts, Shio-kun?" Kaoru asked with acidic sweetness.
Oro! Kaoru sure knows where to hit a man!
The one she called Shio fidgeted. "I'll have you know you were lucky to get that hit in."
She gave a shrug and smiled. "Oh I don't know. I pretty much planned it well. Flip-turned…half-wedgie…then BAM! Right where it counts. Two in one, to be precise. You do have two of them, don't you?"
The men behind Shio began to snicker. Whatever version he told them, it certainly didn't involve a wedgie.
"Shut up!" Shio barked, his hand curling into a fist. "Tomboy like you ought to be put in her place!"
"Mou! I know perfectly well where my place is and it's not where you think I should be. Have you boys ever fought against a pissed off bitch with an umbrella? It's quite fascinating," Kaoru told them, going into stance. "Three against one…I'm flattered, Shio. Though I hardly think that's fair…for you, that is."
Kaoru could handle three unskilled men, that I am sure of, but I'd be damned if I let her go at it alone. Weirdoes, prepare to meet your maker.
I snapped my thumb against the hilt of my sword, and it gave a resounding click.
Kaoru's ears perked, and her eyes roved momentarily. I'd know that sound…
The men attacked and Kaoru instantly spun into action, taking out Shio in a split heartbeat.
While she was doing that, I flashed by and quite easily disposed of the two other men. The sound of crunching teeth was enough to satisfy me of their defeat. I sped back into the shadows, hoping she hadn't seen me.
Kaoru looked up from beating Shio and stared in wonder at the fallen men before her. She kept her stance, but her eyes roved from side to side. Finally, her brows knotted in irritation. "I know you're out there, Kenshin! So you can just quit hiding and come out!"
I gave a sigh. I could probably keep hiding, stick it out to the end, but that's just it, there would be no end to it unless I admit I had been here all along. Gingerly, I stepped into the moonlight.
Kaoru shook her head. "You are so predictable…"
I tried for a rurouni smile. It almost always works. It functions in two ways. It either befuddles the person I am speaking to, or it turns them off. Whatever it does, it gets the job done. However, when it doesn't work…
"Don't you give me that smile of yours, Kenshin!" She said sternly, beginning to walk off. "I appreciate your help, but I could have handled them. More importantly, you're not supposed to be here! Have you never heard of private time?"
I blushed. I wonder how she would react if I told her that I've been nosing in on her privacy for the past week or so, but of course, that's a secret I would take to my grave. "I'm very sorry, Kaoru-dono, but when this unworthy one discovered you were leaving the dojo at night…" What exactly do I have to say? "What would you have me do?" I asked in helpless submission. It's the only way I could put it.
This seemed to have calmed her anger if not her annoyance. "It was the Sano thing, wasn't it? That's what tipped you off."
More than you know. "Yes, ma'am."
"Kenshin, you don't know how much I want to beat you to a pulp right now," Kaoru said, looking straight ahead of her along the path.
Better not say anything. When in doubt, shut-up!
"Now that you know," Kaoru said with a resigned sigh. "What are you going to do about it?"
"I'm just glad you are safe, Kaoru-dono. We will go home, and if you feel like going to the graveyard at night again, please tell this unworthy one," I replied.
What? I'm not exactly going to tell her that I'm now ready to proclaim my love to her. Walking down the thug district… coming from the cemetery after having beaten three thugs to the ground…real romantic.
I'd like to think I'm not that much of an idiot.
"There's a reason I didn't want anyone to know," Kaoru said in a melancholic tone. "I just needed to be alone in this. I really did. If I had gone during the day, you'd all know about it eventually. For me this is a three-day affair, and you would have known about it even if I didn't tell you. You wouldn't have let me go alone anyway, knowing you, Kenshin."
I stayed quiet. Kaoru knows me too well, I think.
"Besides," she went on. "It's too noisy during the day and how am I suppose to give my father a proper visit with all that racket? If they saw me crying all by myself, I know a few people who would gladly send me to the nuthouse."
"Kaoru-dono, I would have accom…"
"No, Kenshin. It was private," she said with finality. "You shouldn't have seen what you saw."
I wanted to tell her that on that note, she was completely wrong. Seeing her, hearing her like that, was exactly what my relationship with her needed: An acknowledgement of the depths. I had been so blinded by her radiance that I practically condemned her to the bliss I had thought she lived in.
This face she keeps up…it is brought by unselfishness, and perhaps she is merely maintaining an image, like Sano had after he took up that job. Cute kenjetsu shihondai of Edo, raccoon-girl, light of our lives, it was all part of her image. From what I gathered of her account of the Revenge fiasco, Enishi had been given a dose of her sunshine as well. She was like Soujiro, smiling through the pain, only in a more pleasant and endearing way (that kid gives me the creeps, especially when my psychobabble was getting to him in Shishio's lair. I was like…ye gods! Now where did I put that straightjacket?).
Kaoru shouldn't have to be ashamed. She has too many things to be proud of.
"Kaoru-dono…" What do I say in a situation like this? I'm glad I saw you like that because it has helped me to see into your very soul? Too…creepy…and with my luck, she'll think it was some sort of voyeuristic tendency on my part. To this day, I don't think she believes that it's an accident whenever I walk in on her bath. I think it's God's sick sense of humor, at my expense, again.
Darn those thugs! If they hadn't showed up, Kaoru wouldn't have known I was following her!
"What?" Kaoru asked when the silence stretched.
"F-Forgive me…for invading your privacy…"
When in doubt, shut-up!
XII: Himura Kenshin, Reporting for Duty
"Well, well, well…a meeting without me? Kenshin, I'm hurt," Sano said from the door of the sitting room. He wore the grin of the freeloader while he gave me, Aoshi and Yahiko each a look, then just like in everything else he did he swaggered towards our little tea party, sat himself down like a king and partook of the snacks liberally like he owned the place.
I really didn't mind, but Aoshi looked annoyed. I suppose that in spite of Misao's carefree manner, the Okashira of the Oniwabanshu hasn't gotten used to the lack of formality in the Kamiya dojo and all its residents. He should have been used to it by now, but then, Aoshi's sort of…well, anal, if you'll pardon the pun.
Yahiko immediately fell to stuffing his face lest Sano finish everything in sight.
"Well, Sanosuke," I replied, sipping my tea serenely. "The girls went out to get some foodstuff. I think Misao isn't done with her shopping either. We boys were left to fend for ourselves."
"Yeah, and ugly didn't give me anything to do, so I'm pretty much free for the rest of the afternoon!" Yahiko said with a grin, some food shooting out of his mouth.
Sometimes, I don't blame Kaoru for trying to install manners into the kid. "Don't talk when your mouth is full, Yahiko-kun," I said with a rurouni smile.
"Yes mother," Yahiko chimed.
My face suddenly began to hurt from smiling too much. Jeez! Won't these guys ever let up on the House-band jokes? I mean, I know I do the laundry and cooking and I kind of look like a girl, but fer cryin' out loud! I was sorely tempted to say "Five Hundred swings!" but I would most likely never live that down. Next thing you know, Yahiko would be calling me hag.
"So, Kenshin," Sano began, pouring himself some tea. "Mind telling me what you were doing trailing Jou-chan through town last night?"
Aoshi arched an eyebrow but said nothing.
I should have known. Of course Sano would know that. I'm not the only snoop around here. In fact, compared to the rest of them, I'm an amateur.
"Hey! So I did hear you and ugly coming in late last night!" Yahiko said with his bratty grin. "Did you guys go out on a secret date?"
I wish. "No," I replied. "I found out Kaoru-dono has been sneaking out at night for the past few days. This unworthy one merely followed to protect her."
"Did you make moves on her?" Sano asked.
Somebody who makes moves on someone in a graveyard has to have some serious mental problems. Fortunately for me, I'm not that far-gone. "Nothing like that. Like I said, I merely followed to protect her."
"And what did you find out, Himura Battousai?" Aoshi suddenly asked.
I just hate it when he becomes all sensitive, and in front of the others no less! I mean, honestly! Just because we're all men here, doesn't mean we have to go into the male bonding bit. If they start saying stuff about watching a Sumo match, I'm out of here. "What I found out will remain private." I said firmly.
"Sounds to me like you didn't find out anything, rurouni," Sano said bitingly.
What? Does he expect me to fall for his taunting? Sanosuke, you can't out-psychobabble THE master of psychobabble. Need your head shrunk? I'm the man. Aoshi tries to do it, but I think all his highfalutin words and abstract concepts have a tendency to put the listener at a loss. It may come in handy in a fight, come to that. Confusing the enemy works just as well as turning them into a psychological slush, but when it comes to getting friends to find themselves…keep out of reach of children.
"I refuse to divulge what I learned about Kaoru-dono," I responded. "Anyway, you may have already known those things about her, considering you're not blinded by self-worth issues like this unworthy one."
"Oooooh!" Yahiko gushed. "So you've decided to bust a move with ugly, haven't you?"
When did this kid become so perceptive? How did he come to that conclusion with what I've said? Deny everything for the moment, unless I want to find myself in the middle of a whirlwind of questions and people who can't possibly mind their own business if their lives depended on it. "This unworthy one will not 'bust a move', Yahiko-kun. This unworthy one has just come to realize some very important things, so I will take it slow."
"Feh!" Sano scoffed. "If you go any slower, you'll be eighty by the time you ask Kaoru out on a date."
A brief recollection of my musings last night did nothing to my efforts to ignore what Sano had said. "Oro! I hope I would be able to bust a move sooner than that!"
I cannot believe I used 'bust a move' in such a manner.
"Hey look Kenshin! There goes my kid! Oops! There goes my grandkids! Say Kenshin, have you asked ugly out yet?" Yahiko dramatized, causing himself and the rooster-head to crack up.
Ha-ha. Everybody's a comedian. Oh look, I'm dying of laughter. Ha-ha.
Thank God Aoshi's--
"Why did Battousai cross the road? To shirk from a date with Kamiya-san," Aoshi suddenly said without question, point or exclamation.
Yahiko and Sano stopped laughing to give him a tough-crowd stare. Aoshi simply sipped his tea.
All right, so everybody is a comedian, and one of them is a very bad at it.
"Here's a tip, Aoshi. You're funnier when you're serious," Sano told him.
Aoshi shrugged. "Just trying to get with the conversation, Segara. When in Rome, do what the Romans do."
Well, that would certainly squeeze Sano's brains out.
"Eh? You're not in Rome, moron! You're in Japan!" Sano told him, all superior like.
"Right. I shall take close note of that," Aoshi said calmly.
Yahiko started laughing again. I have no doubt in my mind that the boy understood the Rome thing. "Sano's right, Aoshi-san! You're funnier when you're not trying to be funny!"
"Thank you," Aoshi replied, then wonder of wonders, he gave a friendly smile.
Egad!
Yahiko and Sano gasped. They weren't faking. They were sincere.
"W-What just happened here?" Sano asked in total uncertainty.
"When in Rome…"
Okay, that's it! I've had it! I've put it off for too long! I have been shirking, like a complete coward! Obviously, the apocalypse is at hand and it's about time I seize myself some freakin' day. Kaoru isn't going to wait for me forever. One day, some dashing young man is going to walk through that dojo gate, proclaim undying love to Kaoru and he'd be too nice and worthy for me to beat up.
I can do this! I will make arrangements. I will fix everything so it would be perfect. Kaoru and I will have the perfect night because I would know exactly what to say and how to say it! And do you know why? Because I can friggin' read her mind, that's what!
The buck stops here! Tonight, I will ask Kaoru out on a date, and I'll be damned if I shirk this one!
"Kaoru-dono, would you like to go on a date with this unworthy one?"
"Sure, in the next life maybe, when you've stopped calling me Kaoru with the dono!"
Oro…that wouldn't work.
I looked at the mirror again and took another stance. "Kaoru-do…Kaoru…"
Good, good. Now keep going rurouni. "…dono…"
Dammit!
"Kaoru-d…Kaoru-do…dowww…"
Aaargh! It's hopeless! I've been at this for half an hour and I still could not get my proposal right! I've considered going to the yard to do the laundry, but I figured it would only turn me into a bigger sissy than I already am.
I gave a sigh of frustration and looked at the image of myself in defeat. "Kenshin, you're a world class chicken." I put my hands up on my sides as if I were raising two handheld guns and pretended to shoot.
Speaking of poultry, how would Sano do this?
"Yo babe! I got nothin' better to do! Whadda you say you let me futae your kiwami while you Ryou my Sou Sen?"
I'd be lucky if she just kicked me out of the dojo, with all my teeth missing.
"I'm home!!!"
Oh God!
Just ask her! No big deal! Dinner…maybe that play they have in the town theatre…goodnight.
I think I had a dream like this. Yeah. Just like this, except in that dream, I didn't crap my pants.
"Kenshin?"
Hohhhh! She's looking for me! I can't let her see me like this! A nervous wreck!
"A-A minute, if you please!" I called back.
I took a deep, cleansing breath, whipped my neck from side to side and loosened my shoulders. No need to panic. Just say the words…
Finally collecting myself, I stepped out of my room and answered her summons properly.
"Kaoru-dono, you called this unworthy one?" I asked her with my usual smile.
Her thoughts greeted me instantly. "No, I did not call the 'unworthy one', I called Kenshin. There ought to be a difference!"
Oro! That would bring my personality count to three!
"Misao bought us a lobster," Kaoru said, holding up a basket. "Can you cook it or should I let Misao take over?"
Ah. Cooking. Just what the doctor ordered! However…it would probably have the same effect as the laundry, which would not do at all. Besides, I only know how to make sushi out of lobster. From the size of the basket, I think it deserves more attention than that. "This unworthy can only make maki out of it. Maybe it is best to let Misao-dono be head-chef tonight, and I will only help, ne?"
"Oh, don't be silly, Himura," Misao chirped, sweeping the basket from Kaoru's hands. "You've been doing all the house stuff all week. Let me do my share of the work and you can relax a little."
Well, that's mighty nice of Misao. If anything, the weasel-ninja could be the most considerate of the lot, if not the quietest…
"Aoshi-sama! How would you like the lobster done? Would you want the meat fried or steamed? Steaming will take longer though. Maybe a nice miso? I don't think you've tried my recipe of that. It's delish! I think I can do one of those cold lobster deals, but then, that would be like sushi, and what the heck am I cooking in place of Himura for then, ne? I can do a mixed dish, though, with lots of vegetables! What do you think, Aoshi-sama?"
"Anything will be fine, Misao," Aoshi replied, a tad wearily.
"Excellent choice!" She whooped, running to the kitchen.
Yahiko scratched his head. "Did I miss something here?"
Beats me. Who knows what world Misao is in?
"Umm…Kaoru-dono," I said meekly. "This unworthy one would like to speak to you in private."
Kaoru looked at me in surprise, and her thoughts went with it consistently.
From the corner of my eye, I can see the rest trying to eavesdrop.
I swear, these people have nothing going on in their lives to keep their noses out of other people's business. Giving them an anxious frown, I gestured for Kaoru to step out with me in the yard.
"Omigod…"
Eh? What was that for, Kaoru? I won't hurt you or anything…
"Is he going to leave me again?"
"No!" I piped out without thinking, which, of late is a common occurrence, I noticed. I think I am destined to roam this earth, not as a rurouni but as a major moron.
"Kenshin! Is there something wrong?" Kaoru gasped, surprised by my outburst.
"Err…K-Kaoru-dono, this unworthy one would just like to…I mean, that is…I was wondering…"
"W-What is he getting at? Oh no! He IS going to leave! He's trying to say he's going to leave! I can't stand this! What do I say? What will I do? Oh, Kenshin, don't you know that this is going to utterly kill me? Why do you keep doing this to me? I know I'm just a raccoon-head, but even a raccoon-head like me has a heart! This is too much on my well being. I will go completely nuts! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"
"Kaoru-dono!" I practically exclaimed in panic. "Would you like to have this unworthy one for dinner tomorrow night?" I spat out.
Her mind went blank. "Excuse me?" she asked in true confusion.
W-What did I say?
Oh CRAP!
"I mean…" Ohhhh! Get this right for once, rurouni! "This unworthy one would like to have you for dinner…"
"WHAT!?!?"
Oh man! That was even worse! "Th-That's not what I meant, Kaoru-dono! What I was saying…"
"Spit it out already!!!" She ordered me.
"I would be very honored if you would have dinner with me," I finally managed. Apparently, I need a kick in the head to get things done right.
Her mind went blank again. She stared, saying and thinking nothing. She merely blinked.
I have put her in a state of catatonia. Figures.
When she didn't say anything for almost a minute, I began to fidget. She shouldn't be this surprised. I mean, I know I've been quite the procrastinator, but it's not like I've accomplished some death-defying feat, ne?
"Kenshin…asked me out…"
Ah. Her brain is beginning to work again.
"Kenshin…"
I looked at her expectantly.
"…you…"
Eh?
"…IDIOT! WHAT TOOK YOU SO DAMN LONG?!?"
Ororororo!
"I would be glad to join you for dinner…" She said quietly.
She…said yes…aaaaaaaahhhhhh!
This is great! This is fantastic! This is going to be perfect! Like I said, I couldn't go wrong with me knowing what she's thinking. She and I will have a great time, and then maybe, just maybe, I can finally find the courage to tell her how I feel.
"Is seven o'clock alright for you, Kaoru-dono?" I asked, holding down the urge to jump for joy.
"Yes, Kenshin. I will be ready by then," she replied with a nod. Rurouni, you should have done this a long time ago.
I should have. Forgive an aging baka.
I think my rurouni smile was never more radiant. I watched her walk back into the house and with my super senses, I heard people scuffling from the inside just before she slid the shoji open. They had probably been listening, which was just as well. Beats having to tell Sano and the others.
You've come a long way, rurouni. Don't you dare blow it.
"Hello Kenshin."
I'm dreaming again…no, dreaming true. Hello Tomoe.
"I am very proud of you, Kenshin."
Is that so?
"Yes, very proud. You finally got up the courage to discover Kamiya-san's true strength. Do you still think her so…shallow?"
I never thought she was shallow! Just…innocent.
"Idiot-dear, she will always be innocent, but because of that, you made the mistake of thinking her incapable of understanding the brutal truths of life. That means you thought she was shallow."
But--
"Shush!"
I was just--
"Zip it!"
There was--
"Shut up, rurouni!"
I gave a sigh. Aye captain…
"I heard that."
I tried my best to smile brightly. I suppose my efforts were ignored.
"I didn't come here to laud you, Kenshin. That was just a side trip. I came here because it's time."
Eh? Time for what? Am I going to die or something? 'Cause you know, if that's the case…it was REAL CRUMMY of you to make me go through all that trouble then kill me just when I finally got to ask Kaoru out on a date!
"Oh, calm down, Kenshin. I didn't come here to take your soul. What I meant was…that little gift I had for you, its use is expired."
Expired? W-What do you mean expired.
"It means what it means. It's finished, kaput! Did you think you'd have it forever? Goodness, I'm not about to rob Kaoru-san of the chance to keep a tight collar on you when you get married. A husband knowing the thoughts of his wife just wouldn't do at all! Now if you'll just give it to me…"
No! Y-You can't! I still need it! I still--
"Really, Kenshin. Don't be greedy. You've had the gift for a full two weeks, even longer. I should think that's enough time," Tomoe said in a tolerant tone.
You mean I only had two weeks to do what I was suppose to do?
"Well, why do you think I was pressuring you? You know I never do things without purpose. Even my marriage to you was for SOMETHING, especially at the start of it."
I frowned. That's not funny.
"Alright, bad example. But the fact of the matter is, it's time for me to get back the gift. It's been given, and it's not like I'm really taking it away. It was sort of like a lease, and now your usury rights have been withdrawn. In that sense, you're still special, Kenshin. Now, let me just…"
W-wait! Can't I have an extension? Just for one more day!
"Sorry, anata-baka."
Please!
"Kenshin, that's not possible. I don't want any trouble. Just hand it over nice and slow."
Noooooo! I want to keep my gift for just a little while longer!
I think I stamped my foot for emphasis, like a five-year-old.
"Alright, have it your way!" Tomoe said sternly.
Really…?
Blazing arc…like a bokken…heading straight for me…
Oh crapper.
SLAM!
To be continued…
Author's Note: Sorry this took so long. I wanted to release sooner, but the evil monster Writer's Block caught me unawares. I'm okay now. Next chapter will be faster.