Author's Note: Jeez, I just couldn't shut up, can I? So, how am I going to go about this? Kenshin has asked Kaoru for a date…they will go out and yay…they're together forever! Well…
I DON'T THINK SO!!! First off, Kenshin has zero time to prepare for it. Yes, you've noticed too? Second, where's he going to get the money for this shin-dig? Third, he's lost his gift. This is Part 13 after all, and you know what they say about the number 13…Anyway, this also includes Part 14 and 15, so it's not all so bad.
What's going to happen to our rurouni? Oh, my poor, poor Ken-san. Battousai…come over here so I can give you a hug. There, there now…anna-neko has big plans for you…but first! (Goes into Jim Carrey's "The Mask" mode) No, I will not give you a wedgie…however…(*hentai grin*)
Eh he…just a little fantasizing going on there….
Some reference is made to Sekihara Tae's "Lessons In Life". Highly recommended. I'll the mark the reference with these convenient thingies [ ]. Wherever you are, Tae-dono, I hope you don't mind, because I think your piece is wonderful.
RK isn't mine…but Watsuki-sama…you better give me that life-size Battousai doll or it's copyright stealing time BABY!!
On with the insanity.
Mind of the Woman
Part XIII: Panic Button (*Press…Buzz…Eject!*)
"Noooooooo!!"
Yes, I am aware that I have just screamed so loudly from my futon that the whole house will probably come running to my room. But dammit!
Tomoe, why'd you have to go and do something like that? Of all the unlucky things…did she really have to take the gift from me now?
The inevitable sound of running footsteps came from outside my room while I sat up, panting on my bedroll.
Ohhhhh! F this! And F that! This is just so effing rotten! This is so typical of Kami-sama! Playing with little ole Battousai again.
My shoji door slid open hurriedly and Kaoru stumbled into the room, somewhat breathless. At least I didn't wake up Yahiko. That boy can sleep through an earthquake, I tell you.
"Kenshin!" Kaoru cried with a gasp. "Are you alright?"
I looked at her blankly.
Nothing. Her thoughts have gone quiet. I couldn't hear! I couldn't hear a blessed thing!
Amidst my despair, I did a double take and got a good look at her. Even with her sleep-disheveled hair and rosy morning face, she still looked fabulous.
Well, I suppose it gets that way when a person's in love. Kaoru could be in a potato sack and I'd still go bonkers over her. But then of course, with her loosened yukata, I couldn't quite keep my mind on spuds, can I?
Blushing time. Yes, I did look away. I'm NOT a pervert! At least, not when I can help it.
Hey! I'm a guy too, contrary to what other people think.
"Kenshin?" Kaoru asked, edging closer. "Was it a nightmare?"
Yes. It was a total nightmare. Tomoe had just taken back the gift. Like a TOY she took it back!
"F-Forgive me, Kaoru-dono," I said, keeping my eyes pasted to the hands on my lap. "This unworthy one did not mean to wake you. I had a bad dream, but I'm alright now."
She sighed, anxiety crossing her face. "Do you want to talk about it, Kenshin? It might help," she suggested.
Oh man…what am I going to say now? I ought to distract her. That's easy enough. "Umm…Kaoru-dono, your yukata…"
"Eh?" She looked at herself. "Oh! Umm…p-pardon me…"
It worked like a charm. She stood up, red-faced and pulled her yukata closer around her.
"I'll just be getting ready to train in the dojo. Y-You can find me there in a few minutes if you need me," she prattled hastily, moving to the door to leave my room.
It's true. It's so true. The gift is gone! I heard nothing from her thoughts. Not a shred of a surmise.
"Of course, Kaoru-dono…" I replied dejectedly.
What's a rurouni to do? I thought it was going to be the perfect date…wait a minute…
Auuuuuuugh! I don't have any money! And I haven't the slightest idea where to take Kaoru! Oh, of all the…this is just great! I just had to jump the gun, didn't I? Suddenly, the idea that we'd go from dinner to a play is just plain idiotic! How are we going to go from one place to another and get there on time? Sprint?
I can see it now…
"Kenshin…*pant!*…don't run so fast! We're not all Hiten Mitsurugi Masters…*gasp!*"
"Kaoru-dono, I am very sorry…but we already missed act one! Here…let me carry you…"
Hmm…might not be such a bad idea…oh, who am I kidding?! Of course I couldn't do that!
Kenshin, you're really in for it now!
Okay, calm down…I obviously need help.
Who to ask…
Sano…umm…well…he's good at moral support…umm…yeah….I'll need that as well.
Then there's…do I dare? It's not like he'll take it against me or anything like that. He's the one who said the tension between Kaoru and I causes a racket in the scope of his cosmos or something like that.
"Aoshi-sama…I need your help…"
"Himura Battousai, it is my mission in life to assist you in your pursuit of Kamiya-san. I was born for it."
"Really? Truly?"
"NOT!"
I guess that's the worse thing he could do. Not much harm in asking him. If he rejects me, I'll sic Misao on him.
That man…talk about tension. His relationship with Misao is hanging by a very fragile and taut strand of hair. Maybe he ought to look into that as the cause of all the Zen-idealist noise.
Of course, there's that matter of swallowing my pride, but I've swallowed it before. I could certainly do it again for Kaoru.
This is going to be a very hectic day. I can tell already.
And a good morning to you too, Battousai.
Aoshi rubbed his hand on his chin as he pondered quietly. He arched an eyebrow in the direction of Sano who gave a non-committal shrug.
Shinomori's been doing it for the last five minutes. Maybe I shouldn't have scheduled this pow-wow after breakfast. Food has been proven to make people lethargic. I didn't have much of a breakfast though. Too nervous, especially with Kaoru sitting across from me on the table. What little I had was now oddly restless in my stomach.
Apart from my churning insides, the slow response of the others…it's quite all right, really. I can wait for long periods of time. It's just…I'm dying here. Can't he…think a bit faster? I only have ten hours left to get this entire thing going. I felt a pang of perturbation wrack me again. Yahiko's voice from the dojo counting his swings was turning into "One Hundred and ten…almost time for the date Kenshin…One Hundred Eleven…you're SO not ready for this Kenshin…One Hundred Twelve…you're going to screw this up Kenshin…"
I sipped some of my tea to stay my impatience and growing unease.
"So you want to have dinner and go to the play at the opposite side of town. A play in which you haven't purchased admission to, which creates another problem because you don't have any money. To top it all off, you don't even have any money for dinner in the first place," Aoshi said.
If I wanted a synopsis of my troubles, I certainly didn't need Aoshi for that.
Man, he's got that long and winding thing down pat.
I gave a nod. No use in running off at the mouth.
"The way I see it," Aoshi continued. "You ought to borrow some money, in which case I can very well figure out that you're going to be borrowing it from me."
I feel like a teenager. Borrowing money for a date.
"On the other hand…" said Aoshi. "I believe Sano owes you a bundle of cash…and since he already has a job…"
His words got my brain to go, "Clank! Wizz! Bop!" The Okashira is right! Sano owes me…I don't know how much he owes me but it's enough to get me on three dates! Why didn't I think of this before?
The man's a genius!
Sano's eyes widened. "Hey! Kenshin's already written them off as bad debts! Right, Kenshin?"
The way I glared at him would have put a banker to shame.
"What the--!" Sano cried in panic. "What are you looking at me like that for?"
"Cough it up, de gozaru yo!" I said, maintaining my glare. "Desperate times call for desperate measures…"
"You know Himura Battousai, you should even charge him interest," Aoshi suggested, an amused smile on his face.
"Shut up! Don't you go giving him any more ideas!" Sano yelled at Aoshi.
I sighed. "Maa…Sano, if you're able, just give me enough for tonight and I won't even care for the rest of it. We'll call it quits after this, ne?"
I'm not much of a businessman, and god knows I need the money, but I'm willing to cut deals at this point. I prefer the idea of collecting from a now-liquid Sano rather than loan money from Aoshi. If Kaoru finds out I indebted myself to go out with her, I don't know if she'll feel sorry for me, or give me a good scolding.
Sano smirked and Aoshi frowned.
"Himura Battousai, you're not as good with your coffers are you are with your sword," Aoshi remarked.
Sano turned to Aoshi in irritation. "You know what, Shinomori? You talk way too much for someone who doesn't talk most of the time."
"I talk when necessary," Aoshi simply replied.
Sano waved a hand at him in disregard. "Whatever. Kenshin, it's a deal. I'll be in charge of your finances for tonight," he said gallantly.
Aoshi smirked. "How very magnanimous of you, rooster-head. Battousai, milk him for every penny he's got. There's this really expensive restaurant at the edge of town…"
"Hey! Who appointed you negotiator anyway?"
I really ought to just sit back and relax at the rate these two are going, but then, when have I ever done that? Besides, my insides seem to be going haywire at the moment. My guts are cringing.
"Maa…maa…" I interjected. "Shinomori-san, this unworthy one has no intention of abusing Sano's generosity. A nice but reasonably priced restaurant will do for the time being. Something between Akebeko and Taicho."
That seemed a good range. Taicho is perhaps the high-class restaurant Aoshi had in mind earlier, and in all honesty, even with Sano's rather long-list of debts to my own measly treasury I couldn't possibly afford it, and neither could he, for that matter.
Aoshi gave a shrug. "Have it your way, Battousai. Sakura might do for your limited resources."
He just had to rub it in, didn't he? Well, sorree. Not all of us have a thriving spy business.
"That will do," I replied, doing away with the sarcastic retorts with martyr-like tolerance.
Sano seemed okay with it.
"Then there's the matter of the play," Aoshi said, going about the whole thing point by point. "The theater happens to feature Kokoro no Miko, a very romantic drama about a traveler and a woman he left behind…"
Sano and I choked on our tea.
Maiden of the Heart indeed.
The Gods…they insist on tormenting me. Yes, they probably have dolls in the Kami-plane, one of which looks like me, and they move it around in scenarios that amuse them.
"Are you kidding?" I asked incredulously.
Aoshi raised an eyebrow. "Do I look like I'm kidding?"
Sano began to laugh. I see nothing funny about this situation.
"This is great!" Sano exclaimed, rubbing his palms together.
I shook my head to clear my thoughts and ran a weary hand down my face. "Great? Sanosuke, do you realize what a play like that could do to Kaoru-dono? She'll…she'll…"
"Be totally moved!" Sano finished for me. "When chicks can relate to something they see, they turn into putty. She'll be all over you…in a good way! You wouldn't believe what an emotional ride like that could do to woman in the hands of a man."
"Oro! This unworthy will take not take advantage of Kaoru-dono for anything! I have no intention of turning Kaoru-dono into an emotional mush!" I exclaimed, my face going red with indignation. "And…and a play like that…what if she realizes just how angry she was when I left for Kyoto? What if she decides to beat the heck out of me? I don't think the play is such a good idea anymore, de…"
"Battousai," Aoshi calmly interrupted my ranting. "As much as I'd hate to agree with the rooster-head, I must admit that to an extent, his view of the matter has some merit."
Merit? Merit? This isn't a business proposal! What the hell merit are they talking about? "Are you both out of your minds?" I asked incredulously.
"Breathe, Battousai. Just breathe," Aoshi told me.
Breathe, he says. I'll breathe him one!
I think my hands began to form a circle of what was a perfect fit of his neck. He better start explaining soon.
Aoshi looked at me thoughtfully. "Battousai, have you and Kamiya-san ever sat down and talked about Kyoto?"
Suuuuure we have, Aoshi…IF YOU LIKE HAVING A TOOTH YANKED OUT WITH A WRENCH!
I think I actually let out a growl. Totally involuntary on my part.
"I take it you haven't," Aoshi reiterated for me. "In that case, this will be a good opportunity to broach the subject in a non-hostile environment. From what I've been gathering from you and Misao…"
"Misao-dono?" I suddenly asked. "You have input from Misao-dono? Kaoru-dono tells her things. What did Misao-dono tell you?"
"Jeez, Kenshin," Sano muttered. "Pop a vein, why don't cha…cool it!"
Aoshi merely raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to listen, Battousai, or are you just going to keep on pounding on the both of us?"
Boy, would I like to pound on them, but I kept quiet. Aoshi seems awful sure of himself. I can trust the guy's instincts after all.
Aoshi nodded slightly in approval of my acquiescence. "As I was saying, from what I've gathered from…external sources, this Kyoto thing ought to be talked about already. It's festered enough. You should have it out with Kamiya-san…"
"Now you're talking," Sano said with an impish grin. "Don't forget to put some tongue into it, Kenshin."
I glared at the rooster-head.
Aoshi gave one of his displeased frowns. "Not in the way you're thinking, you sexual-frustrate. What I mean is it's about time you faced this subject head-on, Battousai. Quit running away from it. I'm sure Kamiya-san has many questions, and leaving them unanswered will only give her more reason to feel hurt."
Merit…damn! I still hate it when the zombie is right.
"Fine," I grumbled reluctantly. "If you say this play will be healthy for my relationship with Kaoru-dono, then alright, we'll go see it."
Sano laughed again.
Is he on something? My eyes roved suspiciously to the pot of tea.
Sano began to speak amidst his chortling in a strangely familiar high-pitched voice. "Take this play with lots of fluids then call me in the morning, ne Ken-san?"
What the--! "Hey! I'd appreciate it if you don't mock me, if you please! I'm nervous enough as it is!"
"Kenshin," Sano said with a wide grin and a shake of his head. "This isn't a test. Lighten up, will you?"
How could I possibly tell them that a lot of my nervousness stemmed from the fact that I had been counting so much on reading her mind that I've practically fallen apart at the brutal reality that I no longer can? I wouldn't even be able to blame them for NOT understanding.
Life can be so cruel to sessha.
"So far, dinner's covered, the play is a done issue…I'll have one of my men get you the tickets, Battousai…" Aoshi summed. "Finally, there's the matter of transportation."
I blinked. "Transportation? Goodness…" When does it end?
"Let me remind you that the one financing this shin-dig is a total tightwad, Shinomori," Sano pointed out, the humor gone from his eyes. "And even if I'm not, which I can't stress enough that I am…why do you think I haven't gotten myself new duds? Even if I do love this jacket, doesn't mean I can't get another one in exactly the same design, but I don't anyway. Unlike some people, I keep close tabs on my moolah. Pretties don't just grow out of the ground, you know. Ain't got a money tree. I don't even have a money bush. If you're going to start throwing extravagant ideas…"
"Rooster-head, I get it," Aoshi told him loftily. "You're cheap. We know that now. Thank you for sharing that, but what do you expect Battousai to do? Carry Kamiya-san on piggy back while they go from one end of the town to another?"
It was so close to my own musings this morning that I felt my stomach twitch a bit more insistently. I swear I'm getting an ulcer. I groaned silently as they argued.
Sano scoffed. "What's wrong with piggy back? It'll get Jou-chan's arms and legs around him. I'd say that's a good thing."
Oro…I'm not even going to respond to that. It's too vulgar.
More groaning. I was already feeling some pain in my gut.
Aoshi looked extremely annoyed. "I don't know how Megumi-san can stand such an pervert like you. Rooster-head, I urge you to climb out of your proverbial chicken coop and listen to reason. Battousai simply cannot do without a carriage. I know people who can commission one in spite of such short notice, and yes, I can get one cheap, just the way you like it. If you do not trust my judgement, then come with me when I deal for it."
"Humph! I just might do that, Shinomori," Sano said. "I can't believe I'm doing this for the red-headed idiot…yo, Kenshin. You all right? You're looking a little pale."
"Ouch…" I hissed. Can too much anxiety really cause this much suffering?
I hugged my mid-section and my watery eyes spun.
"Er…he doesn't look good, Shinomori," Sano said, inching a bit away from me.
"Breathe Battousai…"
Nope. No can do.
Black out.
I'm drowning!!!! In a sea of what I call my pathetic life.
Gak! The water has just found its way into my nasal passages…goodbye world…ouch…water in your nose hurts…OWW! I am NOT kidding!
*Sputter!*
SLAP!
Oro! Now my face stings. What kind of sea is this?
"Damn! You didn't have to hit him that hard," came Sano's voice.
"Battousai can handle it, rooster-head. Trust me," Aoshi replied in an unruffled tone. "I've hit him harder than that."
I'm not at sea, and I'm not drowning.
I opened my eyes.
Oh, but I'm most assuredly drenched, courtesy of Sano, if the pail he held was any indication.
I gingerly rose on my elbows and before I could say anything, the back of Aoshi's hand hurtled towards me, catching me right smack on the other side of my face.
"Oro!" I cried, swinging to the direction of the hit.
"Oh, you're awake," Aoshi observed flatly.
Holding my dishonored cheek, I glared at him. "What's the big idea?" I demanded.
"You passed out," Sano explained. "Shinomori said it was something you ate combined with suppressed neuroticism, whatever that means."
"Indigestion," I muttered. "You should have called Megumi-dono. I'm no expert but I think she would have done a better job. I couldn't tell if you were waking me up or trying to kill me." I rose to my feet carefully and squeezed the water from my clothing.
"Well, it worked, didn't it?" Sano responded, disposing of the pail.
Oddly, yes. I actually feel better. I really shouldn't say so. Too dangerous. Both of them might get some lame-brained idea about becoming doctors.
"Why didn't you summon Megumi-dono?" I asked out of curiosity.
"I was going to," Aoshi replied. "But the rooster-head raised a good point that to summon Megumi-san would mean that Kamiya-san would find out what has happened to you, and because we know that she rivals you in the worrywart department, she might order you off to bed and insist that the date be postponed. As you know, we all feel that you have taken long enough in asking her out. Knowing you, it's going to take an eternity before you get the balls to ask Kamiya-san again. Besides, if Misao finds out I fumbled it for you, she will kill me."
I really am date impaired.
However…what was it he said about Misao? Aoshi doesn't want to displease Misao, eh? Well, that's a relief. For a while I thought I was the only one henpecked around here.
"Does weasel-girl know you're afraid of her?" Sano asked Aoshi.
Aoshi's face soured. "I'm not afraid of her. I just prefer not to upset her, that's all."
I'm not even going to tell him that he just changed the words.
These strong silent types stress themselves out way more than necessary. Maybe he ought to be splashed with water.
Surprisingly, Sano decided to drop Aoshi's issues with Misao and turned to me. "Look here buddy. This date, you're obviously falling apart just thinking about it. Why don't you leave everything to me and Shinomori here…"
"I do not recall volunteering to act as Battousai's Date Coordinator," Aoshi said with a scowl.
"You did when you volunteered me to pay for it Shinomori, now quit complaining," Sano told him. "You're also the one who went with carriages and what not."
"But Sanosuke," I began, fidgeting in my place. "I should do something. You're not seriously suggesting that I just go and do the laundry, cook and prepare the bath of Kaoru-dono the whole day, are you?"
Sano shrugged. "Why not? It relaxes you, don't it?"
I looked at him like he was crazy. "But it's MY date!" That and the fact that I am entrusting the logistics of this to someone in the likes of Sano…well, Aoshi's with him, but…it's Sano who has the cash, something I didn't count on. Even under Aoshi's expert supervision…
"Kenshin, don't worry so much. It will be fine," Sano told me, pushing me towards the door by the shoulders. "Frankly, I'm doing this because I owe you more than cash. This is a payback in more ways than one. I don't know what drives Shinomori though."
"It's spiritual. You wouldn't understand," Aoshi muttered.
"You're right. I don't associate much with spooks," Sano said.
"I am not talking about ghosts rooster-head."
"Shinomori, exactly how stupid do you think I am? Wait, don't answer that."
"I was going to, in accurate detail."
"Look here, you obsessive compulsive zombie…"
I can feel my stomach churning already.
I groaned. I need my laundry. If I have to listen to them…I can't believe I'm letting those two get my gig together. They only agreed on two things, one of which will force me to address an issue I am not sure I'm ready to address with Kaoru, while the other involved splashing and slapping.
I am doomed.
Part XIV: Dinner
I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered briefly if what I was wearing was good enough for her. My clothing never really bothered me before. I was completely satisfied with my ratty pink gi and worn out hakama. But right now, I suddenly don't feel presentable.
I'm sure Kaoru would look stunning. I always admired her taste in kimonos, and she ties an obi so expertly. At that thought, [I vaguely recalled something Hiko said about women who tie intricate knots on their obi and how it was an indication of how good they are with their hands…]
NOT GOING INTO THAT!
Now, I'm only aiming not to look like her serving boy.
I haven't worn this get up in ages. Dark blue gi and gray hakama…I never wore it without a katana and wakazashi before, nor without the arm guards.
Feels weird.
It's almost seven. The play will be at nine. My stomach did another flip.
If I pass out in the middle of dinner, I'll kill myself.
I hooked my sakabatou in my sash and grabbed the package I had so painstakingly wrapped earlier. I secured the play tickets in the pocket of my sleeve and made sure it wouldn't fall out. Having gathered everything I needed, I knew it was show time.
Taking a deep breath, I headed out of my room to get Kaoru.
Aoshi was out on the porch and he gave me the once over.
I raised an eyebrow. "Well?"
"Glad to know you didn't go with the purple socks," Aoshi said without expression.
Is that all he can say? That he was glad I didn't go with the purple socks?
Grinding my foot on my already battered pride, I cleared my throat and asked him the question that's been bugging me for the past half-hour. "Do I look okay?"
"You look presentable, Battousai," he replied.
I guess that's all I need to know.
Misao's head popped out of Kaoru's bedroom door. She grinned at Aoshi then looked at me. "Wow, Himura. Vava-voom."
Definitely a good sign.
"Just a minute, though," Misao said, coming out and sliding the door close behind her. She approached me and smiled. "Get on your knees, Himura. I'm going to make one minor adjustment."
Eh? What is she going to do?
Without waiting for me to comply, she slammed her legs behind my knees and I promptly fell to the floor.
"M-Misao-dono!" I gasped as she got behind me. "What--?"
I felt her tug at my hair and my roots practically screamed for mercy.
"Ouch!" I hissed, trying to look at her.
She steadied my head then continued to pull at my hair. "Hold still. This will only take a second."
What the heck am I supposed to do?
I let her work on me, just to get it over with. It didn't take her long, and when she stepped back to survey her work, she nodded in appreciation.
"Hunkalicious, Himura. Now you're ready," Misao said.
Where does she get these terms? More importantly, what did she do?
I gingerly touched my hair and discovered that she had raised my ponytail high on my head. Great, now I really look like Battousai. Maybe I should throw in my yellow eyes just to complete the effect.
"I'll go get Kaoru!" Misao said, jumping excitedly. "She'll knock your socks off, Himura. Prepare yourself."
Thaaat's just wonderful. Give me a nervous breakdown. Go ahead.
I sighed and got to my feet. "I bet she'll look fantastic," I muttered to Aoshi. "I don't deserve to have such a ethereal woman. Maybe this was a mistake…"
"Battousai, if you don't shut up, I will boot you to the next Bakumatsu," Aoshi told me through grit teeth. "Sano and I worked all day to get you this far. Don't turn chicken on us now."
That's the most emotion he's shown in weeks. That's enough to make me follow his orders.
"You have reservations at Sakura and the tab's been taken cared of," Aoshi told me. "Rooster-head didn't want you to overspend, so he kind of pre-ordered."
That sounded like the cheapskate rooster-head I know.
The shoji doors opened.
Kaoru stepped out, and you can guess what happened to me.
My insides turned summersaults and the groan manifesting it that should have reverberated through me turned into an embarrassing squeak. I teetered slightly like a pendulum and Aoshi had to steady me from behind.
Kaoru looked like a princess. Her kimono was mostly blue, except from calf to ankle, which was white. The rich fabric was accentuated with silver butterflies. Her obi was a perfect combination of pastel colors, and I'm not even going to go into how intricate the knot was. The simple twists of her hair were made elegant by pearly beads wound around some locks.
She's so beautiful that I think I'm going to die.
"We match, Kenshin," she said with a blush of her cheeks.
Oro…she shouldn't blush like that…she shouldn't…
"You're drooling," Aoshi grumbled in my ear.
It brought me to my senses in an instant. "S-Shall we go?"
She nodded and walked ahead.
I'd give anything to know what she's thinking right now.
"The carriage is outside, Battousai," Aoshi said to me.
Kaoru looked over her shoulder at us. "There's a carriage?" Surprise evident in her voice.
"Yes, ma'am," I replied, trying to muster a smile. "Is that alright?"
"Of course it's alright, Kenshin," she replied, somewhat dazed. "I just didn't expect…"
Neither did I, I wanted to tell her, but that wouldn't do at all. I should at least be in top form even if my system was in danger of shutting down unheeded.
"Have a great time!" Misao cried cheerfully from the porch.
We waved back and I think I heard Misao tell Aoshi, "Our little Battousai is all grown up now…"
Maybe it should have been funny or something.
"What's that, Kenshin?" Kaoru asked, pointing gingerly at the package in my hand.
I grinned as I led us out of the gate. "It's a surprise."
"Mou!" Was all she said.
I saw the carriage for the first time and I almost gasped upon seeing that it was one of the nicest carriages I've ever seen. The parts looked new, the paint still glossy. The coachman was dressed in black, and from the looks of it, he was tall and lanky. His brown hair was slicked back with some kind of oil. He looked decent enough.
There was even a footman who opened the door, motioning to assist us inside. Kaoru stepped in and settled herself. How in the world was Sano able to afford this?
"Do you know where we're going?" I asked the driver.
He turned to me and grinned. "Of course, good sir. We were just talking about it this morning."
My eyes bugged out as I realized that the coachman was none other than Segara Sanosuke and the footman was Tsunan, his ex-Sekihoutai friend. Sano had changed his voice and diction perfectly, perhaps to deceive Kaoru if not me.
Sure enough, Tsunan was leering at my Kaoru as he waited for me to go inside.
"K-Kaoru-dono, will you give me a second? There's something I have to discuss with the driver," I explained.
"Sure Kenshin. I'm fine right here," she replied, smiling as she examined the luxurious interior.
I pushed the carriage door close and pulled Tsunan by his collar so I could talk to both him and Sano.
"Sano, do you even know how to drive a carriage?" I demanded in a whisper. "And what's this guy doing here? I haven't even stepped into the carriage and he's ogling Kaoru-dono already!"
"I didn't know I couldn't look, Himura," Tsunan huffed.
"What-ever!" I hissed.
Sano rolled his eyes around. "Kenshin, calm down. Look, with all the money I've blown on this fabulous carriage, I thought maybe I'd cut down on the cost by driving this thing myself. And a carriage wouldn't be a carriage without a footman, so I got ole buddy Tsunan to do this for me. Besides, how hard can driving a coach be?"
My God! Kaoru and I are going to die together, in a luxurious carriage, no less!
"Kenshin, in case you've forgotten, you've got dinner reservations at Sakura and you have a play at nine, so could we hurry this up?" Sano asked.
With a worried frown on my face, I gave in to the inevitable.
I muttered a silent prayer. God, please, if you must play with my pathetic soul, don't go dragging Kaoru into this.
True to his role, Tsunan opened the door for me with a grand flourish.
"Th-Thank you," I told him in resignation as I stepped into the coach and took the seat across from Kaoru.
"This is amazing, Kenshin. It's so nice!" Kaoru remarked, running a delicate finger against the soft upholstery.
"I'm glad you like it, Kaoru-dono," I replied. I'm not about to tell her that this is the first time I've seen it as well.
I heard something scratch and squeak amidst my rattled nerves. What was that?
A loud "Kiyah!" made me jerk on my seat. Boy, am I jittery. Right after that, the carriage lurched roughly, sending me bouncing off my seat and right smack on top of Kaoru.
"K-Kenshin!" Kaoru gasped in shock.
I should have expected something like this would happen. "So sorry!" I cried, trying to get off her.
Sano was not a gentle driver. He seemed to have discovered amusement in finding all the potholes, as if it was some sort of game where he gained points the more potholes he hit.
Kaoru grinned. She grinned! "I didn't know you were so forward, Kenshin."
I swear I blushed to my roots. "I am so very sorry!" I said, preferring to stumble to the carriage floor than be in such a compromising position.
When my knees banged on the hardened surface, I suddenly wished I hadn't been so hasty in my judgement. This was not better than the compromising position.
She had both hands clutching the sides of the coach to keep her balance on her seat, and as I struggled to get back to my place, another jolt rocked the vehicle.
"Are!" Kaoru cried, falling right on my hunched form.
"Oro!" Was all I could say not to swear an oath about rooster-heads claiming to know how to drive when they knew anything but.
The "Yeehaaa!" I heard outside did nothing to settle my feelings.
Kaoru giggled. At least I can take comfort in the fact that she did not find this as disastrous as I did.
"Kaoru-dono, are you alright?" I asked, trying to gain control of my faculties and put her back on her seat.
"I-I'm fine," she said, chuckling.
The ride didn't get any better, but thanks to the high speeds our coachman was prone to take, we got to the restaurant faster than I expected.
The carriage came to an ungraceful stop after the coachman's "Whoa Nelly!"
Taking a deep breath, I checked myself.
Yes, arms and legs still in the right place. My knees are bruised, but that's a detail. At least Kaoru didn't get hurt.
"Whew! That was some ride, ne Kenshin?" She breathed, smirking and arranging some of her misplaced hair. She wasn't as ruffled as I was.
I'm just glad she's in such a good mood.
"Surely…" I moaned, trying to salvage what was left of my composure.
"Unloading!" Called the footman from outside.
The door swung open and a hand poked its way through to assist Kaoru's disembarkation.
"Thank you," Kaoru said, gathering her skirts and delicately taking the hand as she stepped out. She apparently didn't recognize Tsunan, being in footman's clothes with his hair pulled back and all.
"Oro…" I sighed miserably, following her.
I shot a deadly glare at Sano and Tsunan as we headed to the entrance of the restaurant.
Sano's sanguine salute only added to my irritation.
We entered the restaurant and my anti-coachman feelings dissipated. It was a nice place. Not too bright, not too dark. The atmosphere was more formal than that of the Akebeko.
The hostess welcomed us quietly and she lowered her voice even more to speak to me. "Do you have reservations, good sir?"
Kaoru gave me an encouraging smile then turned her attention to the restaurant's interior.
"Yes ma'am," I replied to the hostess.
"Name please?"
"Himura Kenshin."
She peered at a parchment in her hand. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "We don't have a Himura Kenshin on the list."
My face twitched involuntarily and I tried to control the panic crawling up at my back. Teeth clenched, I tried another tact. "Segara Sanosuke."
"Ah! Here we are," responded the hostess more cheerfully.
Sanosuke…you are an absolute moron. Thank god this unworthy one is not so stupid.
We were led to a table with the view of a garden.
"These seats are wonderful, Kenshin," Kaoru said, looking at the display of flowers and foliage.
I have no doubt in my mind that this was Aoshi's doing. Sano couldn't have possibly thought about giving us a prime table.
A waitress approached us and bowed politely. "Your orders will arrive in a few minutes, ma'am, sir."
"Eh?" Kaoru asked. "But--"
"You'll start with a nice and light sashimi and some cucumber pickled in our best pantry stock," the waitress continued with an oblivious smile. "Then to further tease your palate, we shall be serving you our special miso, cooked with the freshest greens and seasoned with the finest herbs in the market. For the main course you shall be given a pot of the most exquisite sukiyaki. Nothing but the best shitaki mushrooms and terriyaki beef. It shall be served with tasty crab flavored rice. Then to finish it off, some tea, with dessert, which will be a very pleasant surprise."
Well, I have to hand it to Aoshi for thinking up a way to handle a pre-order that would otherwise be an obvious attempt to stay on budget.
"That sounds delicious. Arigato," Kaoru said, returning the smile.
The waitress bowed again and went her way.
I wonder how much they paid her to do all that.
Kaoru turned to me. "Kenshin, I'm quite impressed. When did you plan all this?"
I tried not to look so guilty as I replied. "Oh, you know…"
Not much of a reply.
Kaoru seemed discomfited by it.
I fidgeted. If only I could hear her thoughts, then I would know what to say.
A silence fell upon us.
Kaoru started to fiddle with her fingers.
I have to say something…about the weather…about her budo…anything!
"Kaoru-dono--", "Kenshin--"
Right down the middle. I should have known my sakabatou would come in handy…to cut the soup-like tension!
"You first, Kaoru-dono," I said before she beat me to it.
She smiled. "Kenshin, I'm glad we fi--did this."
Doesn't take a mind reader to pick up on what she was going to say. All right, I know I took my time. I can admit that, but what's important is that I got to do it, right? "So am I," I responded. I could feel my cheeks flaming. "I should have asked you a long time ago."
Kaoru arched an eyebrow. She's thinking again. "And why didn't you, Kenshin?" She asked sweetly.
Imminent pitfall! Chose your words well, rurouni! This can make or break you! "Umm…" I wracked my brain for an appropriate response. Sessha was too chicken…sessha thinks you deserve better than a loser like me…sessha didn't want to soil your purity…sessha this…sessha that…oh, what do I say?
"Ah, the sashimi is here!" Was my pathetic answer.
Kaoru looked a little miffed after that and she did not ask the question again.
I couldn't even handle that. What am I going to do when she starts asking me about Kyoto? Maybe I shouldn't push through with the play…
Our conversation didn't get any better than that. Try as I might to get things going, I think I ruined it with my earlier evasiveness.
Dammit! Why can't I do anything right?
After dessert, I told Kaoru we had to go if we wanted to catch the play in the other side of town.
A glimmer of delight crossed her face. "Ooh! What is the title of the play? What will it be about?" She asked eagerly as we made our way out of the restaurant.
Hmm…again, what will I say? "It's entitled Kokoro no Miko. You'll just have to wait and see what it's about." Clever, Himura…real clever.
Kaoru gave a pout, but she accepted my answer.
So we alighted our vehicle while I once more muttered a short prayer for our safety.
Part XV: We're On Our Way to the Play
Sano was just as reckless in getting us to the play as he was in getting us to the restaurant, and the worse part about it is, the ride seemed to have taken longer, for two reasons:
One, the distance between the restaurant and the theatre is indeed farther than the distance from the dojo to the restaurant, and two…well, that's another story.
While trying to preserve Kaoru and mine's life as the carriage rocked and jolted, I amazingly heard that distinct squeaking and scratching I first noticed earlier that evening.
What the heck…?
It was then I saw, to my utter horror a mouse, a very brown one in fact, scurrying up from behind a pocket and thereafter walking a line across the backrest of Kaoru's seat. It wasn't the standard variety of filthy rats Kaoru (and I, as well) hated so much, but it was a rodent, nevertheless. With big round ears, clawed feet and the token, disgusting tail.
Shit! Why me?
My eyes widened. I thanked God that Kaoru was too busy keeping herself upright to notice me or the mouse, but "it" was heading straight for her, and any minute now, she would be screaming bloody murder.
I timed my lunge with a particularly deep pothole and planted myself conveniently beside her, making a desperate grab for the delinquent mouse.
"Mou!" Kaoru exclaimed when I practically collided with her.
I suppressed my gasp as the mouse skittered up my arm, right under my sleeve.
Urk! It's clawing up my arm, and I can feel it's tail…eeeeee-yuck!
Forcing an apologetic smile to my lips, I spoke through my clenched teeth. "I am very sorry, Kaoru-dono. The terrain is bumpy…"
She laughed. "That's an understatement, Kenshin."
Trying desperately to keep the mouse from revealing itself, I caught it beneath my sleeve with my other hand. All right, you miniature monster. Nobody messes with Himura Kenshin. No more mister nice guy! "D-Do you mind if I open the window, Kaoru-dono?" I asked her, fidgeting with the mouse.
The damn thing was struggling to get free of my grasp, and I can feel it scratching painfully into my skin. It better not bite me, or else it's pest control time, mousy! With a sakabatou!
"Go ahead," she replied, gasping when the carriage jumped, I don't know how many feet in the air.
Kaoru fell against me and of course, the wee animal escaped my grip.
"Oro!" I cried in despair, reaching around Kaoru just so I can keep the creature from crawling out of my gi and coming face to face with her.
The way I see it, if it weren't for the infernal rodent from hell, I would have been perfectly happy having Kaoru in my arms. However, in view of the circumstances, I couldn't quite enjoy the moment, could I?
"Kenshin…" Kaoru breathed, a blush creeping up her cheeks at how close we were.
Two paths: One, I could completely throw caution to the wind by kissing her and letting the mouse just go absolutely bananas in my gi, wherein it would be entirely possible that Kaoru would detect it thus rendering me unconscious when she wallops me to my next life in the pursuit of getting rid of the little nuisance; or two, I could apologize profusely, as always, and let her go while I disposed of the mouse through the window.
Unfortunately, the second recourse would be more sensible.
Why me?
"Kaoru-dono, a thousand apologies!" I said unhooking my arms from her and moving to slide the pane open. "Oro!"
Leaves and branches whipped past and I could barely get near the opening.
"Mou!" Kaoru cried in exasperation. Whether it was from the chaos or the missed opportunity of…well, more intimate pursuits, I couldn't tell.
Jeez. It would have been so much easier if I can just hear her thinking.
Employing my God-like speed, I snatched the mouse out from inside my gi and tossed it out of the window. I managed to peer out in spite of the furious foliage and saw it scamper off into the growth.
Giving a sigh of relief, I closed the window. Suddenly, being knocked around in a carriage didn't seem so bad anymore.
Not that I didn't wish we had a better driver…
"Are!" Kaoru cried as a sharp turn caused both of us to roll to our sides.
For a third time…why me?
We got to the play in one piece.
To be sure, I patted my palms against my body to see if all my limbs are still intact. They are. Amazing.
Stepping out of the carriage after Kaoru, I fished the tickets from my sleeve and…they weren't there.
C-Crap…
I checked again, more frantically this time. I went for my other sleeve and there was nothing there but some laundry lint…I can't believe I missed cleaning that out…Shit! Focus, Himura!
WHERE THE HELL ARE THOSE TICKETS!
The…mouse!
Argh! Of course it wasn't exactly the mouse! I must have thrown it out…the carriage. They can still be in the carriage!
Suppressing my urge to scream, I turned to Kaoru. "One moment, Kaoru-dono. I just have to confer with the driver. Is it alright if I leave you here? I'll just be a second."
"Sure, Kenshin. I'll be fine," she replied, smiling at me.
I smiled in return then hurried back to our vehicle.
"Problem?" Sano asked when he saw me approaching.
"Yes! I lost the tickets!" I exclaimed, shoving Tsunan aside and opening the carriage door.
"You what! How the f*&% did that happen?" Sano demanded as I clambered in, searching high and low.
"There was a mouse…" I replied absentmindedly, going to my knees to check under the seats.
"Wow, the carriage company wasn't kidding when they said this unit had a mouse living in it," Sano suddenly said.
I looked at him in shock. "What?!?!?"
Tsunan laughed and slapped Sano at the back. "I should have known…with the low rent of this baby…"
My hands flew up to hold my head in despair. "Sano! How could you rent a carriage with a pest problem?"
"Hey! These things don't come cheap, you know!" Sano protested.
I glared at him. "I most certainly do! You're the only cheap one around here!" I don't care how bitchy that sounded. I'm outside a theater, with the most important date of my life, and I had no friggin' tickets!
"So shoot me!" Sano said, crossing his arms over his chest as a fishbone bobbed between his lips.
"Show me the gun and I'll take it from there!" I snapped back in a menacing tone.
"Alright, settle down people," Tsunan said, getting between us. "Sanosuke, seeing as you've saved a bundle of money because of discount privileges, I suggest you purchase a new set of tickets for Himura-san."
"Are you nuts?" Sano cried incredulously.
I clenched a fist. "Now Sano!"
"Boy, you're both bossy!" Sano hissed. "Tsunan, you're suppose to be on my side!"
"Look, with a honey like that for a date," Tsunan responded, jerking a thumb at Kaoru's distant form. "Even I can sympathize with Himura-san."
I'm going to forget he called my Kaoru honey just because he's pleading my case.
Sano gave a growl. "Fine! But this one you owe me, Kenshin!"
"Yes, yes," I replied, feeling some measure of relief. "J-Just…go get the tickets."
"Aye, aye, Himura-sama!" Sano said with an exaggerated bow.
He stalked off, muttering epithets of the worse kind.
I gave a sigh of relief. "I'll be going to Kaoru-dono now."
"I'll bring the tickets to you," Tsunan said with a smirk.
"Arigato," I replied, going to Kaoru.
Kaoru flashed me another pleasant smile as she saw me approach. "Well?"
"The tickets will be here in a moment, Kaoru-dono," I told her.
"Great! I can't wait to see the play!"
My stomach did another flip turn. Steady now…
Tsunan soon came with two tickets in his hand. "The best seats in the house, Himura-san."
I'll bet. The better to owe Sano with, my dear.
"Tsu-san!" Kaoru exclaimed, finally recognizing him. "I just knew our footman looked familiar! My, you look rather distinguished."
Tsunan gave a formal bow. "Thank you, and you look ravishing, Kamiya-san, if you'll allow me to say so."
Kaoru blushed. "Umm…"
"Thank you, 'Tsu-san', that will be all," I said hastily, taking Kaoru's elbow and leading us away. The nerve of that guy to flirt with my Kaoru on our date.
"S-See you later, Tsu-san!" Kaoru said over her shoulder.
I didn't even look to see if Tsunan waved back.
I have enough to worry about. We're going to be seeing, as far as I'm concerned, the play of the century, and I need all the guts I can muster to brace myself for what's to come.
To be continued…
Author's Note: This was a long one, ne? Well, that's what the disappearance of FF.net for long periods of time can do. I didn't keep much in theme with the title of the story in these parts, but then, I figured we all needed a break from that. Besides, Kenshin has too many things to worry about. The next few chapters will have more on THE woman's mind, meaning Kaoru's. No, Kenshin doesn't get his gift back, but in case you haven't figured it out, men don't have to be mind readers to see into a woman's mind…they just have to listen.
On that note, 'till the next chapter!