Title: My Own Prison
Author: Cassandra Mulder
E-mail: dana_mulder32@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Classification: Angel Vignette
Spoilers: Just general vampire stuff!
Disclaimer: Since I don't say anything specific, I don't have to disclaim anything! HA! But the song is "My Own Prison" by Creed, and belongs to Scott Stapp.
Author's Notes: This came to me, bugged me till I wrote it, and it's very vague. Sorry, I am very, very new to "Angel"!
***********************************************************************
A court is in session, a verdict is in
No appeal on the docket today
Just my own sin
The walls are cold and pale
The cage made of steel
Screams fill the room
Alone I drop and kneel
Silence now the sound
My breath the only motion around
Demons cluttering around
My face showing no emotion
My life has been long, far too long. And I have made more mistakes and done more wrong than most people would be capable of in a hundred lifetimes. Trying to make up for it all seems fruitless to most people, sometimes even to me. But I have to try. I have to try to make up for all the innocent lives I have taken, all the chaos I have caused. I take full responsibility, for the course of my life has been of my own making. I am alone because of my choices. I can never find true happiness, because it will only take my soul again.
But what is the point of having a soul if you're not allowed to be happy? I often wonder this as I prowl the dark streets at night, searching for monsters that all the ordinary people couldn't begin to fathom. I am doomed to a life of hunting evil, living in darkness and misery. All of this because of one wrong move over two centuries ago.
Shackled by my sentence
Expecting no return
Here there is no penance
My skin begins to burn
So I held my head up high
Hiding hate that burns inside
Which only fuels their selfish pride
We're all held captive
Out from the sun
A sun that shines on only some
The worst part of all of this is I did this to me. And what I have to do now is like a life sentence to try to make up for that which cannot be changed. I can say I'm sorry, and I can mean it, and still there is no hope, there is no forgiveness for someone like me. I don't expect to ever be saved from what I have become, but I have to do it for those I've loved and lost. Never again to see the sun, or to be with my one true love, or to have the few simple pleasures in life that everybody wants. I have a soul, but it is dark and scarred, not really what a soul should be at all.
Controlling myself at all costs, trying not to make another deadly slip, I can do nothing but concentrate on doing good. Anything else will get me into trouble. The people around me, my friends, don't deserve to be part of any of this. But considering the past, it would be hard to do anything to make them leave. Even knowing what I am, and what I'm capable of, they take me back and we start over.
I've created my own prison.
That would pretty much sum it up. The night is my cage from which I can never escape.
End
Author: Cassandra Mulder
E-mail: dana_mulder32@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Classification: Angel Vignette
Spoilers: Just general vampire stuff!
Disclaimer: Since I don't say anything specific, I don't have to disclaim anything! HA! But the song is "My Own Prison" by Creed, and belongs to Scott Stapp.
Author's Notes: This came to me, bugged me till I wrote it, and it's very vague. Sorry, I am very, very new to "Angel"!
***********************************************************************
A court is in session, a verdict is in
No appeal on the docket today
Just my own sin
The walls are cold and pale
The cage made of steel
Screams fill the room
Alone I drop and kneel
Silence now the sound
My breath the only motion around
Demons cluttering around
My face showing no emotion
My life has been long, far too long. And I have made more mistakes and done more wrong than most people would be capable of in a hundred lifetimes. Trying to make up for it all seems fruitless to most people, sometimes even to me. But I have to try. I have to try to make up for all the innocent lives I have taken, all the chaos I have caused. I take full responsibility, for the course of my life has been of my own making. I am alone because of my choices. I can never find true happiness, because it will only take my soul again.
But what is the point of having a soul if you're not allowed to be happy? I often wonder this as I prowl the dark streets at night, searching for monsters that all the ordinary people couldn't begin to fathom. I am doomed to a life of hunting evil, living in darkness and misery. All of this because of one wrong move over two centuries ago.
Shackled by my sentence
Expecting no return
Here there is no penance
My skin begins to burn
So I held my head up high
Hiding hate that burns inside
Which only fuels their selfish pride
We're all held captive
Out from the sun
A sun that shines on only some
The worst part of all of this is I did this to me. And what I have to do now is like a life sentence to try to make up for that which cannot be changed. I can say I'm sorry, and I can mean it, and still there is no hope, there is no forgiveness for someone like me. I don't expect to ever be saved from what I have become, but I have to do it for those I've loved and lost. Never again to see the sun, or to be with my one true love, or to have the few simple pleasures in life that everybody wants. I have a soul, but it is dark and scarred, not really what a soul should be at all.
Controlling myself at all costs, trying not to make another deadly slip, I can do nothing but concentrate on doing good. Anything else will get me into trouble. The people around me, my friends, don't deserve to be part of any of this. But considering the past, it would be hard to do anything to make them leave. Even knowing what I am, and what I'm capable of, they take me back and we start over.
I've created my own prison.
That would pretty much sum it up. The night is my cage from which I can never escape.
End