"Givin' Up On You"
I own nothing and no-one used in this fic. They all belong to someone important somewhere else. Be a money spinner if I did own them though! The song lyrics used are from "Givin' Up On You" by Lara Fabian and the song itself is owned by Sony Entertainment Inc and comes from the soundtrack to Dawson's Creek. I just love the song and it inspired the fic - so it deserves inclusion.
The fic's told from the POV of one half of easily ER's most controversial couple. It reflects my opinion of what I think's going on, what I think should happen. I know it's hotly debated...Don't get at me for having an opinon though please....
"And after all we have been through,
I can only look at you
Through the eyes you lied to
I'm givin' up, givin' up, I'm givin' up on you
After all if there is no way out
If you cannot stand beside me
There isn't love there is only pride
I'm givin' up, I'm givin' up this fight,"
I've had enough. I obviously love her more than she loves me. She's too troubled to see past her own pain. I know, there are times I've been equally selfish, and I'm not proud of the way I treated her sometimes. I was horrible. But I care about her. I love her. Love isn't an emotion that comes easily to me anymore. She doesn't understand that. I don't think she's doing it consciously. Maybe if she saw how destructive this relationship is for me...Maybe we'd be better off apart. I love her but if I have to let her go to let her heal then so be it. I'll heal too - I always have before haven't I?
I'm sick of giving. She seems to take without thinking now. I'm being taken for granted, that's exactly what it is, but I don't have strength enough left to break it off. I've seen our relationship for what it is, but I can't break it off. It would hurt too much. Who am I kidding I'd heal? I never got over...what happened before. Never and I probably never will.
"Are you alright?"
The sound of her voice, caring as ever, but not as loving as it should be, penetrates my thoughts violently. I'm startled back into a reality in which I've become a shadow of myself.
"Yes, I'm fine,"
"You can talk to me,"
You wouldn't want to hear it though, I think bitterly, looking down at her, feeling nothing, not like I used to. Maybe this is time to say what I really feel.
"Everything's not alright. Nothing's been right for a long time,"
"What?"
She sounds shocked, I don't know why. She must have seen this coming as far off as I did.
"You and me, Abby, that's what I'm talking about,"
"But..."
"I give and you take. That's the way it is...I know you care about me, but it's no deeper than friendship. I love you, Abby, and I don't think you understand that,"
"Of course I do, I love you too,"
She protests uselessly. My minds set on telling her the truth, hang the consequences for now.
"No you don't."
"How can you say these things...? After everything..."
"I think we'd be better off apart, till you get your head sorted,"
"You're breaking up with me?"
"Yes, Abby,"
I can't bear to look, don't want to see her cry. She will. I'm a safety net for her. I'm pulling a rug out from under her feet. I don't just want to be a comfort anymore. I need more than that. It's breaking my heart to do this but I need out before I self destruct.
"O.K,"
Her voice is very small, wounded. I hear footsteps turn and leave the room. I'm alone again. It's done. I did it. Maybe now I can move on.
I own nothing and no-one used in this fic. They all belong to someone important somewhere else. Be a money spinner if I did own them though! The song lyrics used are from "Givin' Up On You" by Lara Fabian and the song itself is owned by Sony Entertainment Inc and comes from the soundtrack to Dawson's Creek. I just love the song and it inspired the fic - so it deserves inclusion.
The fic's told from the POV of one half of easily ER's most controversial couple. It reflects my opinion of what I think's going on, what I think should happen. I know it's hotly debated...Don't get at me for having an opinon though please....
"And after all we have been through,
I can only look at you
Through the eyes you lied to
I'm givin' up, givin' up, I'm givin' up on you
After all if there is no way out
If you cannot stand beside me
There isn't love there is only pride
I'm givin' up, I'm givin' up this fight,"
I've had enough. I obviously love her more than she loves me. She's too troubled to see past her own pain. I know, there are times I've been equally selfish, and I'm not proud of the way I treated her sometimes. I was horrible. But I care about her. I love her. Love isn't an emotion that comes easily to me anymore. She doesn't understand that. I don't think she's doing it consciously. Maybe if she saw how destructive this relationship is for me...Maybe we'd be better off apart. I love her but if I have to let her go to let her heal then so be it. I'll heal too - I always have before haven't I?
I'm sick of giving. She seems to take without thinking now. I'm being taken for granted, that's exactly what it is, but I don't have strength enough left to break it off. I've seen our relationship for what it is, but I can't break it off. It would hurt too much. Who am I kidding I'd heal? I never got over...what happened before. Never and I probably never will.
"Are you alright?"
The sound of her voice, caring as ever, but not as loving as it should be, penetrates my thoughts violently. I'm startled back into a reality in which I've become a shadow of myself.
"Yes, I'm fine,"
"You can talk to me,"
You wouldn't want to hear it though, I think bitterly, looking down at her, feeling nothing, not like I used to. Maybe this is time to say what I really feel.
"Everything's not alright. Nothing's been right for a long time,"
"What?"
She sounds shocked, I don't know why. She must have seen this coming as far off as I did.
"You and me, Abby, that's what I'm talking about,"
"But..."
"I give and you take. That's the way it is...I know you care about me, but it's no deeper than friendship. I love you, Abby, and I don't think you understand that,"
"Of course I do, I love you too,"
She protests uselessly. My minds set on telling her the truth, hang the consequences for now.
"No you don't."
"How can you say these things...? After everything..."
"I think we'd be better off apart, till you get your head sorted,"
"You're breaking up with me?"
"Yes, Abby,"
I can't bear to look, don't want to see her cry. She will. I'm a safety net for her. I'm pulling a rug out from under her feet. I don't just want to be a comfort anymore. I need more than that. It's breaking my heart to do this but I need out before I self destruct.
"O.K,"
Her voice is very small, wounded. I hear footsteps turn and leave the room. I'm alone again. It's done. I did it. Maybe now I can move on.