This is not, I repeat NOT, a Girl-Joins-Weiss Story (TM)! Understand the meaning of parody?
Rated PG for mild language (well mild to me anyway)
Spoilers for: Aya
Parody of Girl-Joins-Weiss Story (TM)
Chapter 1: Aya's Girl
Tish-chan
One fine day, the sun is shining and the birds are whistling and Manx rounds the boys up for Persia to brief them on a mission.
"Listen up my beloved Weiss. There's a mission. You have to kill this guy who is only known as Joe. We have no clues on him. But you're Weiss. You'll get the job done."
"How can we do it, then?" Ken protested. But they accepted it anyway. (This has nothing to do with the fact that it's a Girl-Joins-Weiss Story (TM).)
"Oh yes, this time we have a new addition to your group. Although the team is already so well-rounded and capable, we decided to throw in a girl to mix things up. Why? Don't ask me; it's a Girl-Joins-Weiss Story (TM)." Why didn't the boys react to that? It's a goddamn Girl-Joins-Weiss Story (TM).
Anyhoo, they went to meet the girl. Of course, she was beautiful, sexy, etc etc. *Long thirty-line paragraph about Aya thinking how her makeup matches her clothes but because he is the ice man, he doesn't say anything.*
"Hello," the girl says. "My name is Yume." None of the boys thinks how strange it is to meet someone called Dream. Why? It's a Girl-Joins-Weiss Story (TM).
Well, the girl starts yapping about how she can be sociable but has a hot temper and a sarcastic tongue. Immediately, all the boys like her. Youji starts flirting with her (of course, she gives some smart-ass reply). Why? *Cups ear to hear audience's response* Correct! It's a Girl-Joins-Weiss Story (TM).
So they go on the mission, killing people without caring that they can be seen, or that if their hair is left at the crime scene, they can be identified by that pesky genetic code called DNA. Yume is just as cool as all of them and uses a sword like Aya. And regardless of the fact that guys are stronger than girls and that she is younger than Aya, her sword skills are just as good as his. Surprise, surprise.
However, despite that, she gets cornered by many big ole' baddies. Aya comes to her rescue, somehow managing to defeat the baddies she couldn't although their skills are on par. Hmm. Illogical, but that's a Girl-Joins-Weiss Story (TM) for you.
For a brief moment, their eyes meet and she mumbles 'arigatou'. Aya smiles. At the same time, blood banks all over the world are emptied into the Great Sandy Desert, forming a red life-sized version of the Statue of Liberty. Why? Because it'll never happen. But as I've told you for the umpteenth time, it doesn't matter cos it's a bloody (pun intended) Girl-Joins-Weiss Story (TM).
They go back and Ken and Omi (the nice guys) rave about how Yume was a great team member. She blushes and denies it, pretending to be humble. But they all buy it and Manx decides to add her to Weiss permanently. *Gee*, bet you didn't see *that* coming.
The next day, they open shop promptly even though they'd just stayed up all night kicking baddie ass.
All the schoolgirls are jealous that Yume gets to work with our four fave hotties. They start crowding around Aya protectively, asking who she is. Aya is silent. (Audience: tell us something we don't know.)
Well, bright little Yume-san sees how 'uncomfortable' Aya is and the little gears in her little head whirl and she says intelligently, "I'm Aya's new girlfriend!" *
"What?" cry the girls. And Aya. He stomps off moodily upstairs and doesn't come down the whole afternoon.
So our hot-tempered Yume marches up to Mr Ice Man and wisely starts yelling at him about how he's such a cold-hearted bastard, yada yada. And Aya doesn't slash her guts out because he's in a Girl-Joins-Weiss Story (TM). He just silently puts up with her crap. Don't ask why - you already know.
The next day, Aya gets up really early to go to the hospital. Yume thinks he's slacking and has this short little inner dialogue which goes something like 'should I follow him? But why do I care? Do I love him? Ah who gives a damn I'm a nosy ass so I'll follow him.'
Her speed and stealth are so fantastic that even an experienced assassin like Fujimiya Aya can't tell that she's following him.
At the hospital, Aya stares lovingly at Aya-chan etc etc. Yume the Suddenly Soft-Hearted starts crying because she is *so* moved. Outside, she confronts him and he tells her everything although he would never have told her if this wasn't a Girl-Joins-Weiss Story (TM). Yume starts berating herself about how she jumped to conclusions blah blah blah. Audience: Yeah you deserve it! But of course, seeing as how this is a Girl-Joins-Weiss Story (TM), Aya forgives her.
There's no ending to this story because none of the Girl-Joins-Weiss Stories (TM) are ever finished. But there's one way to complete it (that's why I *love* parodies). *Drumroll* Found this story familiar? Well, you sure as hell should, it's a...
*Tish-chan bows*
* In the version when Yume says she's Aya's sister, Aya gets mad because she's insulting Aya-chan, Yume thinks he's a cold-hearted bastard etc.