Emu: Um, hi. My name is Emu (Well, duh) and this is my first attempt at writing on FanFiction.net, so pllllllleeeeeeeaaaaassssseeeeeee go easy on me! Of course, if I DID get any flames I could use them to burn all the evil marshmallows to a crisp. Hmmm… YEEEEEESSSSSSSSS BWHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA Ahem, sorry, I do that sometimes. (And they will attack just you wait!) Anyway, what I do in my story is basically retell famous kids' stories only I put the Dark masters and other major villains from digimon as the characters. So they won't have really the same ending and it will be different because SOME characters refuse to keep to the scrip. *Glares at a certain evil puppet that is one of her muses*
Puppetmon: What? These stories are too dorky anyway.
Emu: Hmph. So, they will be odd. Also, when I talk to the characters what I say shall be in between these *..* kay? Lastly, the personalities of the characters might be a little off but this is MY story and this is how I think they would act so HA! This first story is a retelling of Jack and the Bean Stock Anyway, on with the Fic!
Disclaimer: I Do NOT own digimon. I'm not a digi con. Please don't sue me. You wouldn't get much. Hehe (Lame I know. So?)
(Beware! The following is crazy and may leave you utterly confused while making no sense what so ever. Da huh.)
Puppet and the very odd vine thingy
It was a lovely spring day. The breeze seemed to tickle and play with the tall grass, which swayed to and fro. The birds were singing merrily and the bees joyfully buzzed along. The bright sun seemed to smile while illuminating the small valley town over which it shone. Yes, everyone and thing in this little place seemed to be happy and carefree. Of course, other places weren't so pleasant.
"We're poor!"
"Yeah, it kinda sucks."
Ah yes. Here we are. Our story takes place in this little homey cottage where Puppet and his mother live. Puppet, is exactly that. He is made of wood, extremely short, ill mannered, somewhat mad, and wears a goofy red hat. (A/N: Brings a whole new meaning to Pinocchio, don't it? ^_^) His mother is tall, wears a cape, has fangs, blonde hair, and is really a cross-dressing male vampire. Now, Puppet and his…
"Wait!"
*What Puppetmon, or should I say Puppet?*
"Myotismon is NOT my mother, err father!"
"Don't you love me?"
"No! (Thinks for a second) eww…gross. Why don't you go drool over Piedmon?"
"He doesn't appear till later in the story."
"Oh. Well, I still refuse. This was NOT in my contract."
*Yes it was. It was on page 555.*
"There was no page 555."
*Hmm…Really? It must have fallen out. Oh well.*
"What?! Why you…"
*Now now, watch the language. This DOES have a PG rating you know.*
"Darn you!"
"Come on Puppet dear, let's continue."
"Yeah right!"
"You should listen to your mother."
"You're NOT my mother!"
Myotismon gets teary and starts to wail. "I thought I raised you better! WWAAA!"
"Aw gee. SHUTUP!"
"Not unless we continue and I'm the mom"
"Fine. Just cut the water works. I am buoyant you know."
Myotismon immediately perks up. "Okay continue Emu."
*Thank you. Ahem.* Now Puppet and his mother had one problem, they were VERY poor.
"I don't want to be poor," wailed a very distraught Myotismon.
"What can we do?" inquired Puppet.
"Sell something!"
"Like?"
"I……don't………know."
Just then, Milly the family cow decided to put her head in the window and bellowed a loud "Moo". Puppet and his "mother" stood awestruck as the seconds on the clock began to tick slowly away. They all just stared in silence until Myotismon or the "mother" broke the eerie silence. "Wait! We have a cow?"
"Apparently."
Myotismon hungrily licked his lips as they twisted into a demonic smile. Milly had barely enough time to utter a confused and fearful moo as Myotismon lunged at her. Milly in turn screeched and dodged to escape the on coming attack. Myotismon rolled out the window but was quickly back on his feet and advancing towards the apprehensive cow. Soon Milly ran from the crazed vampire and Myotismon quickly gave case.
"Um…Myotismon, aren't we supposed to sell the cow for food or something?"
"This is my dinner. Hehehe Here cow. Nice cow. Good blood-filled cow."
"Riiiiiigggghhhhhttt. Err… mom I'm leaving then."
"Okay honey. Don't be gone too long."
"Whatever," Puppet mumbled as he turned and fled the chaotic and somewhat disturbing scene.
(Later)
Dust flew everywhere as it was kicked up by Puppet. Ahead of Puppet the road lay long and winding but it went unnoticed as our hero was lost deep in thought. (AN: This equals thought '…' okay?)
'How do I get into the messes? Why the heck am I even doing this? Where Am I going? Why DID the chicken cross the road? A tank would be nice, some G.I. Joes, a bat, a few airplanes, maybe even a…
Our hero's thoughts where interrupted as an interesting sound flooded into Puppet's ears, err holes, I mean ears, or is that holes, or maybe…
"They're ears for crying out loud!"
*They sure don't look like it!*
"Argh! Just continue already."
*Right.* So where was I? Ahhh yes. Puppet spun around only to be confronted by an on slaught of ear shattering singing. The notes were off, the melody was all wrong, and the music itself was long since dead. Hurriedly, Puppet jammed his hands in his EARS and started to make his way towards the center of ruckus.
He soon stumbled into a small clearing and found the noise coming from a nearby rock. Squinting against the suns bright rays, he darted behind a bush to avoid being seen. Soon he could make out the words to the song and listened intently.
"Who's the king?
Awhuh
Who has a magic bean?
Awhuh
And who's the finest ape you've seen
Awhuh Yeah Goodness gracious great gosh it's me"
"That voice sounds veeerrrrryyyy familiar," whispered Puppet from his crouched position behind the bush. Tentatively, he glanced at the figure upon the rock bathed in sunlight. His eyes fell upon a golden ape with sunglasses and a bear tied about his waist.
"Etemon!" gasped Puppet.
"That's right baby, it's me."
"Why you!" Puppet sprung at the confused monkey.
(Insert fighting scene here)
*Puppetmon!*
"What?"
*Look at what you've done!* Puppet glances at the unconscious form of Etemon.
"So?"
*You were supposed to get the magic beans from him, not kill him.*
"But he's not dead…yet."
*That doesn't help. I guess you could just take the beans. I mean you don't even have the cow. (A picture of Milly and Myotismon flashes in her mind and she shudders) Poor cow.*
"Okay. Then can I kill him?"
*NO!*
"Aw…shoot. What is he, your boyfriend?
(Emu turns red with rage)
"Just kidding," said Puppet in a meek voice.
*You better be. I don't really like him, in fact I find him rather annoying. However, we need him for the other stories.*
"Oh." Puppet stooped and picked up the beans all the while grumbling about not being able to kill the hairy moron.
(Back at the cottage after a long argument about not being allowed to eat the trading merchandise, Puppet and his "mother" examined the beans.)
"Do they have blood in them?" inquired Myotismon.
"NO! Besides, you already ate the cow."
"Oh, right. Hehehe Um, so what now?"
"I guess since they're magic you throw them out the window."
"Why?"
"Because you're supposed to. Duh."
"Oh, okay." Myotismon grabbed the magic beans and casually tossed them out the window. "Now what?"
"We sleep and tomorrow see what they grow into."
"But I don't sleep at night."
Puppet whacks Myotismon on the head with his hammer. "Now you do. Goodnight dearest mother. Hehehe.
(The next day after a discussion of who was snored the loudest, Puppet and his "mother" went out to find out that the beans had grown into a very odd plant)
"Is it supposed to be purple with black blotches?" wondered Myotismon.
"Don't know."
"Oh, is it supposed to be smiling?"
"I said that I don't……smiling?" Sure enough the very odd vine thingy appeared to be smiling. It giggled and lunged at Puppet, swallowing him and then recoiling.
"Guess not. Puppet dear? Oh well. Hey I wonder if plants have blood," said Myotismon with a devious grin. The plant looked confused and decided to leave before it found out what Myotismon meant. It quickly disappeared leaving only a few shriveled leaves.
"Drat."
(At the top of the odd vine thingy, Puppet was spit out and found himself in an odd place.)
"Okay, that was interesting and somewhat gross. Hmm, this is odd," said Puppet as he took in his current surroundings. It was very odd indeed. Puppet seemed to be on an endless cloud that had only one thing on it and that was an oversized castle. Puppet shrugged and began to make his way towards it. It loomed high above him dark and foreboding. The top had a satellite dish though.
"A satellite dish?"
*Yep. It gets over 300 channels too.*
"Lucky!"
Anyway, Puppet cautiously approached the door and found an odd knocker on it. It looked like a demon's head and a ring was in its mouth.
"Devimon? Is that you?" asked Puppet.
"Mrph…diph….klph," answered the knocker, or at least he tried to answer.
"What? Oh nevermind." Puppet reached out and swung the ring against the door not too gently. He in turn received an angry scowl from the knocker. "Whoops. Sorry," Puppet said sheepishly as the door swung open to reveal another demon that had silver hair and was flying. Devimon mumbled in protest as his head was smashed against the wall.
"Ladydevimon?"
"Yeah, it's me. Look, I just want to get this over with so hurry in okay?" Puppet quickly nodded and proceeded inside where he saw the family dog eating out of his oversized doggie bowl.
"Wait! Since when was there a dog?"
"We ran low on parts," said Metalseadramon.
"But you're not even a dog." Metalseadramon shrugged (Well, as best he could shrug anyway) And returned to his food.
"Come on," said Ladydevimon impatiently. "Look, you'll find the "magic treasures" on the second door to the left. So hurry it up." With that Ladydevimon flew deeper into the recesses of the castle. Puppet only hesitated a minute before running to get the treasure.
He ran around the corner, past the first door, and under the crack of the second door. He looked around and found the room bare except for a golden plated clown that sat in the middle of the room.
"Piedmon?"
"Yeah, it's me. Would you hurry already?" asked Piedmon as best as he could since he was unable to move.
"Sure, whatever you say glodie," said Puppet just barely containing his laughter.
"If I could move, I would hurt you. Besides, look to your right." In response, Puppet turned to see a small bowling ball type demon with wings. It had a plastic bill and chicken feathers glued to it. Puppet burst out laughing and rolled around on the ground.
"This is so degrading," mumbled Demidevimon (A/N: SP?).
"Gosh, compared to you two I got off easy" said Puppet wiping a tear from his eye.
"Aw just hurry it up!" Piedmon and Demidevimon in unison.
"Alright, seesh." Puppet hoisted Piedmon as best he could on his back and stuffed DemiDevimon under an arm. He slowly staggered out the room, down the hall, and towards the front door. "You know," panted Puppet, "a diet wouldn't kill ya."
"Hey, if I had my say I would be the giant.
"Speaking of which, who IS the giant?"
Just then Machinedramon appeared and said in a rather monotone voice "Boogie. Boogie."
"Is that suppose to scare me?"
"Look, I have an appointment in 10 minutes to upgrade my cannons plus there are younger viewers, so can we please hurry?"
"Uh, okay I guess. Ahem, Ahh scary giant. Don't eat me. Please. Help. Help." Puppet calmly slips by Machinedramon and out the door."
"Whoops. They got away." Machinedramon rolls his eyes (If he actually has any) and turned to leave but hit his head on the door. "D'oh!"
(After some sky diving techniques and screaming of a certain clown to get off, Puppet gave his "mother" the magic treasures)
"Piedmon!" cried an over-joyed Myotismon. "Oh look, and you can't move either. Hehehe." Myotismon quickly dragged the immobile form inside and locked the door. Puppet and Demidevimon shared a disgusted look.
"I don't even want to think about what they're doing. So, Demi want to go get some diner and a movie?"
"Sure." Thus Puppet and Demidevimon left and everyone lived happily ever after, except for Devimon who still has his head stuck in the door and is constantly squished and the still unconscious Etemon.
THE END
Emu: Well, there's story one.
Cat: That was the signal most stupid thing that I have ever read.
Emu: Hey! If you hate it why do you keep coming?
Puppetmon: Yeah, at least you have a choice
Cat: Because you're fun to annoy.
Emu: HMPH. Well, I can just ignore you. Anyway, if anyone gives me a good review I shall continue. Just one. Hmm… I wonder can you review for yourself? There's an idea. Hehehe
Car: Moron.
Puppetmon: Oh help. * Grabs computer and throws it out the window*
Emu: Hey! No matter. (Pulls open a curtain to reveal a room filled with thousands of computers)
Puppetmon: (Dramatically) NNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Cat: Just another day in stupidtown.
Emu: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHa I'm happy! (Twitch Twitch)