Scenes by the Fire
***
In the morning (and morning did come for the tortured human turned chimera turned human in an old mazoku's body) the light seemed out to fry his brain and he began to wonder if he shouldn't wear a hat to protect his brain from the light. Perhaps it was some vicious photophobic vestige of being a monster. The Beast Master had found out that he was in Xellos's body and now sought to kill him from the inside out by melting this brain.
But of course it wouldn't be that glamorous.
"Wow, I love being a chimera. And to think I drank so much last night! I'm not even sleepy." Xelgadis smiled. "Almost as much as you."
"What? I'm having your hangover. That is not fair."
"Well you are having my black out. We have to get you some sunglasses."
"Photophobia?"
"What?"
"Monsters are afraid of light. As creatures of darkness they must protect themselves."
"Only after a bottle of Sandorian Merlot, tiger. You are not a mazoku. Get it in your head."
Zellos sighed and put on the glasses.
"Aren't you afraid you'll give everyone the wrong idea coming out of my room in the morning?" Immediately he thought about Amelia for some reason, something he said last night, but shook his head.
"I want some ice cream. You now like Rocky road. So I want my staff back. Give it to me."
"Your staff? You're busting in here at-"
"2 o'clock in the afternoon. Now give me my staff. Come on." Xelgadis said.
"Xel, we've only been pretending three days. Wouldn't it look suspicious if Xelgadis uses Zellos's magic staff to conjure an ice cream sundae?"
"Ooh that's a great idea. Do you want a turtle sundae?" Xelgadis squealed.
"What's a turtle sundae?"
Xelgadis grabbed the staff from under the bed. He rattled the staff and conjured one. He licked the whipped cream off his finger. "You have excellent taste. Take a bite. Call it breakfast."
Zellos looked closer and he realized the bowl was a turtle shell and little claws and eyeballs were mixed in with the caramel and chocolate.
"Is Turtle Sundae supposed to be made out of a real turtle?"
"Of course not." Xelgadis rolled his eyes. "It's not real anymore. It's dead."
"Hmm." Zellos grimaced.
"There aren't fresh turtles in Turtle sundaes. Just in mine. It'll help your headache."
"Everyone knows the only cure for a hangover is the rare Vanilla Bean Collata Elixir, three aspirin and a cup of coffee."
"Hmmm. It works?"
"It's a Greywords Secret."
"How about a vanilla milkshake?"
Zellos was in no mood to debate hangover cures. He let the mazoku conjure him one.
They sipped the cold drinks.
"Hey guys, what are you doing?"
They stared at each other.
"I was just giving Xelgadis a bite of my Turtle Sundae," said Zellos, yanking the bowl away.
Gourry scratched his head. "What's in it?"
"Oh, a sea turtle. They are endangered. I was kind of hoping for one of those big ones with the ninja mask. You know, the rare Ninja Turtle." Zellos smiled
Xelgadis spat out while Gourry handed the bowl back.
"Ooh, ice cream..." Lina said wistfully. "I like ice cream."
She frowned and walked away down the hall forlorn.
"Well that was odd..."
Lina thundered down the hall "Give me that ice cream! You stone faced freak!" Lina pounced on Xelgadis.
Xelgadis shrieked like a little girl. "Who are you calling a freak?"
"Gimme that ice cream!" Lina clawed his face.
"Lina you can't eat anything before the contest." Gourry said. "Besides it has turtle bits in it. That's gross."
"You must work beyond the hunger." Amelia said in a sage-like voice "To attain your goal you must ignore your stomach.
"My stomach is going to win my this contest. I want to keep it happy. BALIS ROD!"
The whip of light hit Xelgadis's hands and tried to pry the bowl out of his hands.
Zellos began to laugh hysterically.
"Zelgadis-san, whatever happens, don't let her get that bowl."
"Whatever happens? Amelia, she'll kill me." Xelgadis said.
Lina twisted the beam of light around the bowl and Xelgadis tugged.
"You are mine, ice cream!" Lina cackled.
"Don't give in Lina." Amelia wrapped her arms around the crazed sorceress. "Fight her Xelgadis."
Gourry stood behind Xelgadis and pulled in the opposite direction.
"I haven't eaten in 10 hours."
"She's doing better than I thought." Amelia struggled to pull Lina's hands behind her back.
"Ice cream. Need ice cream. Love ICE CREAM" The light whip spell poured out of her hands.
Zellos stood next to Lina.
"Vanilla milkshake Lina-kun?"
Lina turned around and saw the milk shake. She dropped the Balis Rod and sent Gourry and Xelgadis flying through about ten walls with the force of ten Blast Waves.
Lina purred and purred like a happy animal and began drinking her milk shake.
Zellos smiled, looking at the destruction "Being me is a lot of fun."
Xelgadis carried Gourry back into the room.
"My spine," whimpered Gourry.
"Oh I just fell on you. Don't be a baby. Can you wiggle your toes?" asked Xelgadis.
Gourry complied.
"See? Stop bitching."
Amelia looked at Xellos. Oh, he was putting up such a good act. Obviously Zelgadis didn't know what they had talked about last night. Here he was same as ever. Causing trouble in his roughish, normal way.
Another person like Lina, or someone smarter, would say Xellos had not changed. That he would use any opportunity to steal Zelgadis again. But Amelia knew. There was something in Xellos's eyes, though they were more than human and evil, something comparable to guilt, sorrow, tears. There was finality in his eyes. And Amelia, as a strong person, could never risk her heart to do the smart thing.
Today would be a long day. Ever so long. Because she knew what the night would bring. When Lina had won, and she and Zelgadis were alone. The "perfect moment" could wait until the moon rose. Couldn't it?
*****
The whole town had arrived to watch the Pepper Eating Contest. They waited in noisy anticipation as the contestants got on stage. Lina tossed Gourry her cape and made two biceps "Check this action. I'm going for both cannons." She posed like a body builder. "Ho yeah. We're cooking with fire now. I'm hungry."
At this Pete "the Dragon" walked on stage and dropped his cloak, thereby completely covering Lina in it.
"FLARE ARROW!"
The cloak went flaming in the air.
"Why, you big pig!"
"I be a man. And you won't be saying that when I win the contest and get The Lady of the Moon to tell my fortune."
"I bet 80 percent of it is about never learning bodily hygiene." Lina held her nose.
Farmer Piscataway shouted, "Show that girl, Petey!" Mrs. Piscataway oinked in support.
And then between them, the crowd hushed. The champion didn't come from the stairs.
From the sky a snow of white feathers fell on the audience. Amelia was the first to gasp.
The crowd grabbed at the feather. The man began to float down, not even rippling his feathers. As if they were manifestations of will rather than flesh and feather.
"It's a Very Old Man with Enormous Wings!" exclaimed Amelia.
"You ain't just whistling Gabriel Garcia Marquez," said Xelgadis.
"My husband is of a dead race. He is the last Draconian. In our youths, we courted each other in a time of great war. Our hearts have been inter-twined since."
Amelia stared "How beautiful."
The Seeress smacked her over the head. "Eyes to yourself, missy. That is my man."
"Oh. Well, I know that an angel like him is out of reach." Amelia humoured the woman. "But I am in love with a man like no other."
"The blond swordsman?" The Seeress elbowed her, "Growl. There is something about a man who wields steel. And the long blond hair... wow."
"No not Gourry. But he is a sorcerer, swordsman, and warrior of justice."
The Seeress held her hand. And concentrated.
"Yes. I see him. Very pretty man. Slender body, powerful magic."
"Yes. But..."
"This is not future telling. I'm only seeing what is.... And such lovely hair."
"Well I use special-"
"Not you- him. I see purple. But I'm wrong? This is odd. I have no idea what I'm talking about." The Seeress said.
"That is not my love. That is him." She pointed into the crowd. "An evil mazoku named Xellos."
"Oh. Well like I said it wasn't future telling. I'm just a silly old fool."
"It is alright." Amelia sighed. "The aged's wisdom should be considered. Even if it is crazy."
"Like I said, Your Majesty, I was wrong. Forgive me. "The Seeress bowed to the princess.
"How did you know I was a princess?"
The old man landed on the stage.
"I am here."
"Gentlemen... and lLady. The rules are simple. Here are the peppers for you to eat. Who ever clears out the most peppers out of their pile wins. They have been hand picked and numbered. So that we will know who has eaten the most."
The three pepper piles reached beyond the top of the clock tower.
"That all?" Petey snorted a laugh "What do we get if we finish all of them?"
The Judge straightened his glasses. "You eat the peppers in your opponents pile."
"And those?" Lina said, she cast a defiant glance at Petey.
"If you can eat all of these you will ascend to the level of a high demon lord. As the legend does dictate." The judge laughed and the audience joined him
"I'd make a good Demon Lord." Petey straightened his coveralls.
"I'm kidding of course. That was the ancient superstition which began our festival. Now we realize that it was just a superstition. But it does provide a bit of local color."
"Come on Lina. You can do it." Amelia said waving a paper fan.
"Yep." Xelgadis sipped his mochachino.
Zellos looked at the drink in his hand.
"What is that?" Zellos asked.
"Mochachino. Want a sip? Lots of caffeine, right Zellos? Gives you a killer brain freeze."
"I didn't know you liked ice cream so much, Zelgadis." Amelia said.
"Well I can get my caffeine from other sources. I'm getting tired of burning my tongue." Xelgadis began to twist his face. He clutched his head, "Brain Freeze."
The Judge looked at his watch. "When the bell tolls four times. The giant pepper will descend and the contest will begin. Those who drop out will be provided with milk
Lina looked at the giant town clock tower. Boy she was hungry. Petey eyed his competition arrogantly. The old man merely stood.
"It's never going to work. Have you seen 'The Dragon'? He could swallow me and eat the rest of you for seconds." Xelgadis injected his typical dour and cynical commentary.
"We must have faith in our friend so that she can succeed," Amelia said.
"I hope Lina doesn't kill herself on all these piscus peppers." Gourry bit his nails in worry, wrapping himself in Lina's cloak.
The giant clock above ticked as the audience was stilled. The pepper fell right in front of Xelgadis, obstructing his view of the stage. The three stared in anticipation.
"Time for me to win this contest and become the demon lord." Petey grabbed an armload of peppers.
Lina stared at the monster "Aaaaah!" She clenched her fist and dove into the pile of peppers, steam and dust trailing behind her. She zipped so fast she vanished from the naked eye.
The old man stretched and sat down and grabbed a pepper "Yum. Piscus." he ate it. "Ooh boy they are spicier than ever this yeah."
Amelia jumped up and down "Look at Lina go!"
"Oh she's just asking for a tummy ache." Gourry held his stomach, "This was a bad idea."
"But with the size of Petey's hands and arms he can shovel them in at an alarming rate. Already Petey ate a pint of pickled piscus peppers." Xelgadis announced.
"That's one gargantuan wart hog pelonian of fearful proportions."
Izzy the milk boy gasped "Prodigious!"
"Yes a piggish Pelonian of prodigious proportions."
Lina was still shoveling the peppers in her mouth. Petey lifted another cartload of peppers into his mouth, shaking the cart in his mouth.
"A whole cart full of peppers?" Gourry said.
Xelgadis whispered "He's eating them like movie candy.
Petey was sweating so much it collected in wooden well buckets. His parents spurred his gluttony with oinks and cheers.
"This Pete 'the Dragon' is a demon." Zellos shook his head.
"If he keeps this up he *will* become a demon lord," Xelgadis said amazed.
Amelia shook her head "You don't believe that old legend. Xellos, you've been alive for four thousand years, that's not true, is it?"
Zellos looked at Xelgadis. How could even Xelgadis have superior knowledge of Demon Lore than the ancient Mazoku? He would have to make it up before Amelia caught on.
Zellos nodded. "Oh yes, it's been that way a thousand years before Xelgadis was born. So I was the only one alive when it happened-"
Xelgadis held up two fingers on each hand.
"Two thousand years?"
Xelgadis shook his head.
"Two hundred years ago? I mean Two thousand Two hundred?" Zellos shrugged.
Petey filled up the hug horse trough with peppers and swallowed it and the peppers. In four gulps.
"He's eating more then those beasts of Kaljin." Xelgadis said.
"Oh yes I remember those. The fierce beast who, who, who-" Zellos said, playing along.
Xelgadis "--tried to usurp The Ruby eyed ones power. By eating all of Pelonia's Pickled Peppers he would have enough fire power to melt the foundations of the Earth. Each Pepper holds a demon so if you eat it the demon goes free. They don't call them demon peppers for nothing. You eat enough of them they would " Xelgadis finished "Well that's what I read, in the book, Ancient Spicy Pepper Curses by Eipi Freeli."
"He was a disgusting creature and bad at cribbage." Zellos agreed.
"But it could have been the pickles. There were rumors that the pickles could have the same power. The his ape beast minions were killed by homemade pelonian pickled grapes. Not the peppers."
"Really how many?"
"About eight." Xelgadis said casually.
"Eight grapes?" Gourry asked.
"Eight apes." Xelgadis said.
"I don't remember. I was a little mazoku wolf. A baby at my mother's teat." Zellos recovered beautifully.
"I would never forget something like eight great apes who eating demonic pickle grapes. You are ribbing me. The both of you." Amelia said.
"No, it's true." Zellos said.
"Eight great apes ate eight grapes." Amelia tossed her head "You two are trying to trick me."
Lina continued plowing through her pile face first, like a caterpillar, closing her eyes, wearing away at the pile.
The old man put another one in his mouth.
While Petey's face turned green. He began wheezing.
"He is faltering behind Lina." Xelgadis pointed.
"He should have paced himself."
"Like the eighth ape on his eight grape paced himself. I remember that now." Zellos said.
"Will you stop with rubber baby buggy bumpers humor and give me some support?" Lina growled.
"Sorry Lina." They said.
"I've never eaten anything so spicy in my--" Lina's brain stopped "life."
"They said these things are spicy." Gourry said.
"I've got to win. I've got to beat that old man. I'll bet he's out already. If The Dragon is gone."
The old man waved at her "How are you doing, Miss Inverse?"
"I'll win yet." Lina tried to stand up.
"Bow out, girlie. Take a milk and throw in the towel." The old man patted her on the back. "These are Pelonian Peppers."
Lina was weeping fire. "Never, you peppery bastard. I will not let you win this eating contest." Lina panted.
Lina grabbed a handful of peppers, chewing on them defiantly, before turning red and continuing eating on.
Gourry wrung his hands "Eventually she should become immune to the spiciness? Right?" Gourry said.
"It hasn't been the case so far." Zellos said.
Lina stood up and roused herself. "It's psychological. If I don't believe it's spicy I can win. I can eat them."
Lina continued putting peppers in her mouth. As the old man popped, chewed, swallowed and sighed in a robotic well paced attack. Pop, chew, swallow, and sigh. Pop, chew, swallow, and sigh. Pop, chew, swallow, and sigh. Pop, chew, swallow, and sigh....
"Maybe it wasn't such an idea to have an eating contest with a pig and a angel. A mortal can't handle it."
The old man walked over to Lina's pile and began to eat her peppers.
"Oh no. She's getting behind. He's eating hers." Amelia gasped. "What do we do?"
Gourry got a little gerbil with Lina's head running in a wheel above his head "I have an idea!"
Gourry ran off to the fountain.
"Hikari O!"
He picked up a block of wood and began cutting.
"He isn't human," the crowd gasped at Van.
Lina held her nose and tried to swallow without chewing.
By then Gourry had what he needed to help Lina. He dipped the creation in the water and ran to her.
"I can't believe she's still going." the villagers said, "She's a maniac. We should call the undertaker..."
Lina's burnt tongue wouldn't even fit in her mouth it was so swollen. She bit her tongue.
"Lina." Gourry said bursting through the crowd "I got you something. Here drink this water.
"WATER!" Lina groaned.
"Go on Lina." Amelia said giving a victory sign "There is no rule you can't get a little help."
Lina drank the water.
And then began to scream, "HWAAAAAAA!"
A shot of flame came out of her mouth.
"What happened?"
Izzy the milk boy shook his head. "She shouldn't be drinking water. That only makes it worse."
"What but it's water."
The milk boy pulled out a chart of the human mouth and esophagus and a pie graph. He pointed at it with a pointer.
"The chemical capscasin causes a chemical reaction to convince the skin it is being exposed to heat, as a defense mechanism to avoid fire and other skin damaging heat. Hence the burning sensation and inflammation when one eats peppers. To drink water wouldn't dilute the chemical at this point."
Xelgadis grabbed him tipping over his visual aids"In English?"
" It washes the spice around on her tongue." Zellos spelled.
"What does that mean?" Gourry asked.
"It will make it worse."
"Uh-oh." Gourry looked at his glass. And poured it upside down "No more water."
Lina picked her charred beaten body off the ground. She grabbed another hand full "Not spicy at all. I'll just have a drink of water."
"Lina you can't-"
"I need WATER!" She grabbed it away from Gourry.
"But that just makes the peppers-"
A cloud of flame erupted around Lina's head, leaving the crowd panicking and running away. Her friends were charred by the flames.
Gourry coughed "Worse."
Lina stood up and roused herself "It's psychological. I've been through worse. I've killed worse. I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED BY A PIECE OF FOOD!"
She fell on the piles only strong enough to eat with her lips
"I guess all the food we ate over the years is getting vengeance." Gourry said
"The pile is almost gone." Zellos announced, "I bet you if Lina eats anymore steam will come out of her ears." Zellos said.
"Only if we're lucky," Xelgadis said, sucking on his mochachino.
"But the old man has only a few more peppers to go. He's eating Lina's too. So that's how he wins. He eats his opponents peppers."
Gourry stood up. "That cheater."
"It is unjust."
"You guys that means he has to eat more peppers not less. Think clearly." Zellos said uncharacteristically bitter.
"Oh my fruitcake is all cranky." Xelgadis glomped him. "He's all cranky and mean because he had too much booze last night."
"It was wine."
"Never-the-less Xel-kun it was substance abuse."
Gourry and Amelia stared at them confused. Were they supposed to act like that?
"Cheatin' is cheatin'." Gourry said
"This situation is desperate. We need to come together and... and..." Amelia rolled up her sleeve.
"Yeah I know you are talking about-"
"Do the 'perfect cheer'!"
The boys face-faulted.
The old man looked at the pig boy lying flat on his back, "How many pickled piscus peppers could Peter Piscataway pick through?" the old man asked himself. He saw the girl's friends standing on each other's shoulders cheering. "And the girl is wonderful. She won't give up. I don't know whether to shake her hand or run frightened. I'm glad I don't have to battle her. With those red eyes she even looks like old Dilandau sama. But he's be gone for a long while."
Lina put the peppers in her mouth and they fell out.
"Do it Lina."
"I can't. My brain is on fire."
"I guess that means I win," the old man said.
"No! I didn't even get to do my big victory cheer. Zelgadis lift me up."
"Huh?"
"Come on. We've got to do it for Lina."
"Dammit, Amelia, I'm a shaman, not a cheerleader," Xelgadis said, sounding suspiciously anachronistic and like that doctor guy in Star Trek.
The old man lifted his ears to a familiar voice.
He looked once again towards Lina's friends. The old man's eyes hardened with rage. "Hey, that guy looks awfully familiar."
"Eep?" Zellos looked at the old man."Oh no, it's that old couple," Zellos whispered. He covered his eyes and hid behind Amelia.
"I remember you. You were that no good horrible pervert in the woods." He said. "How dare you show your face around here?!"
"I didn't-" Zellos trembled. The old man walked straight up to the intruder.
"You are a rude little punk who deserves a lesson." The old man rolled up his sleeves.
"What?"
Everyone looked at Xelgadis.
"How very rude." Xelgadis put his hands on his hips. "I never did anything to you."
Zellos kicked him in the shin "Yes *I* did, remember?"
"Uh-oh."
"Contestants are reminded to keep away from the audience."
"Oh stuff it, Judge. I don't have time for this." He shook his fist at the judge. "Make her the winner. Honestly. I never saw anyone get so obsessed over a little contest. It's only peppers." The old man shook his head.
"Whoever eats the most peppers wins. And accordingly-" the judge pointed to the two piles, with three a piece, "You are ahead by one."
"One peppers to win."
Lina could no longer move "Ggggggg."
Amelia grabbed her. "Come on, Lina! Never give up on your dream. Guys, help me out."
Xelgadis held Lina's nose, Zellos yanked her tongue and Amelia dropped in the pepper.
Lina spit it out.
"Cram it in,Lina! You're almost there. If you really want to win you can do it," Gourry said.
Lina looked up. "Blou thlink I cun doit." He tongue swollen like a big red balloon about to pop.
"I thought that you thought this was stupid. That a real man didn't need to eat peppers."
"Well you aren't a real man, are you Lina? You can do it."
"I know you can do it, Lina," Gourry said under his breath. "That's what scares me."
Lina placed the pepper in her mouth and chomped smiling crossing her arms in arrogant triumph then passed out.
"By Default the Pickled Piscus Pepper Contest is Lina Inverse! Eating 149,999 peppers! A festival record!"
The crowd cheered.
"As the first girl to ever won the contest in the last 100 years. We had to look to our records. And so according to the town charter is elected Miss Hot Chili Pepper."
The girls in the town stood up all at once. "What?!"
Candy grumbled, "That short flat-chested dip. She's not even from our town."
Even unconscious her instincts were sharp. Unconscious her first response was to slap Gourry as a reflex.
"It wasn't me," Gourry huffed.
Zellos smiled. "It was the girl with the pink hair."
"Oh." She threw a fireball into the crowd.
Lina stood up. "What happened? Why is someone having a death wish by commenting on my physique?"
"Lina, you won the contest!" Gourry punched her in the arm and lifted her for a bear hug. "You are Miss Hot Chili Pepper!"
"Justice triumphs!" Amelia made her justice sign.
"Ewww," Lina groaned. "I think that I got a chili pepper up my nose."
"Who would have guessed you would be a beauty queen?" Gourry said.
"What?"
Gourry looked around pretending to look in the audience "Who said that?"
Lina looked at her victory.
"Wow, only a few peppers left in the pile."
Only one glowed with evil power.
"I wonder if that old legend is true," Amelia said. "If someone could eat 150 thousand peppers they could do anything."
A huge flaming cloud floated over the tiny village, with beams of red and orange shooting out of it. A chorus of demons and evils spirits sang an evil eerie song, "Lina is our master. Lina is our queen. Lina is the-"
"That's stupid. Evil magic peppers? Feh." Lina stood up. "I'm not eating any more of these awful things." She threw the pepper at the cloud.
Inside the cloud all the evil pepper spirits frowned and began to cry.
Meanwhile across the happy scene, Xelgadis was being chased by the old man and his wife. "Van Slanzar de Fanel, leave that Chimera alone! He's just a baby!" The Seeress grabbed her husband, giving Zellos and Xelgadis enough time to duck behind a picnic table they toppled over.
"Zelgadis, you're a peeping Tom!"
Zellos gasped, "It's not his fault!"
The man growled.
"I mean it really isn't his fault," Zellos said under his breath "Man is he screwed over."
"It's no fair. I'm getting threatened by people I don't know!" Xelgadis began raining tears as he sped past.
"Well, but-"
"And you were so worried that someone would kill me 'cause I was so bad. Well, I guess I'm not so fearsome and loathsome after. You should know better."
"Xelgadis get back here and hide like a man!" Zellos said. "Stop crying!" Zellos shrunk down.
"You, you weird boy, you too." The old man
Zellos held out his staff and deflected the sword blow easily. The old man froze.
"ZEL!!! What are you doing with that staff?" Xelgadis freaked.
"I, Zellos Metallium, assure you, as his friend, that he would never-"
Van swung his sword and he blocked the blow.
Zellos stood up again "You don't understand, he is a morally upright-"
Swing.
Slash.
"He is a man of honor."
Van drove the point of the sword towards his throat.
"Oh, and I'm gay," Xelgadis said.
The old man froze.
"Zelgadis is not gay!" Zellos shrieked.
"Oh yeah. Yes I am. I like the fellas. There is nothing I like more then the idea of men having hot sex. Especially with me."
"Huh?" the old man froze.
Zellos's hands wrapped around Xelgadis's throat. "What are you saying?"
"Oh come on. Of course I am." Xelgadis said, "Don't be so naive."
"I'm not naive. I'm- coming to the fact that you, Xelgadis, are not gay."
"I would know. The way I leer at Gourry and you. But, well, how can I help but stare at you Zellos, you are..." Xelgadis blew a kiss at him.
"Well I'm sorry."
"Oh don't worry sir. It happens all the time. I am the biggest closet case I know. Why, seriously, I was probably trying to deny my raging homosexuality by pretending to watch you and your wife. It was to resurrect my non-existent heterosexuality."
"Well, my Hitomi *is* pretty."
"It was a cry for help. And a wake up call. I'm only sorry I had to torture you. I wouldn't even be surprised if you did kill me."
"So you didn't mean it at all. You're more messed up than my brother," the old man said.
"The only people I am sexually interested in are men," Xelgadis said
"You dirty liar!" Zellos beat him over the head with the staff.
"What, you know it's the truth, Zellos. You of all people."
"What are you talking about? Xelgadis is a stud. You'd never be attracted to a guy."
Lina sighed. "Well their was that Miwan in Femille."
"That was an honest mistake," Zellos said.
"Mr. Xellos. You said it was hard evidence when we left Femille."
"It was," Xelgadis nodded.
"Why are you doing this to me?" Zellos tore at his violet hair. "Are you trying to raise my blood pressure? Are you trying to make me want to kill you?"
"Zellos, calm yourself. You know you were right," Xelgadis touched his shoulder.
"It was not. I, as a mazoku, cannot tell the truth, have a perverted sense of reality, and a brain the size of a under-ripe cashew."
Xelgadis gasped. "That's not true. You take it back!"
"No," Zellos said.
"Mazoku have preternatural abilities to reveal the darkest truths about us," Xelgadis said.
"Oh, yeah, right," Lina said.
"They are fearsome creatures," Xelgadis shook Lina.
"Let me tell you something Xel-chan," Zellos poked him. "I am about as fearsome as a rabid gerbil. I mean I am a complete joke. Why else would I always be smiling? Sore wa Himitsu desu? I'm surprised no has killed me. In fact that must mean I'm utterly harmless."
"You are one of the most dangerous mazoku in the world."
"I thought so too. But if we have to be honest..."
"At least I'm a closet case!" Xelgadis glared at the violet haired man sharply.
"At least I'm a fruitcake!" Zellos said pointing at the Chimera.
"Closet Case!"
"Fruitcake!"
The two growled at each other.
"What are they talking about? Themselves?" Amelia asked.
"They don't take compliments well," Gourry said.
"I think they had too much sun today," Lina whispered.
Zellos grabbed Amelia. "Amelia. You tell them. Is Xelgadis gay?"
"No, no, not Zelgadis. I mean he may be bi-curious. But he... he can't be."
"See and she's his close friend. So in conclusion-"
The old man tried to cut off Xelgadis's head again.
"Your friends say you lie. You were leering at my wife. I knew it."
"That's not the conclusion I had in mind."
"Gee Xellos. I know you're a mazoku, but you don't need to get him killed." Lina said.
"But I'm not-" Zellos squeaked.
The old man tackled him.
Zellos looked at the struggle. Oh great to defend his virility Xelgadis would have to die. This was horrible. He had to do something take some responsibility.
Of course that didn't mean he had to reveal anything.
"Xelgadis, duck. Blast Wave!" why's everything in Italics now? ^_^;;
He went flying in the air, coasting over the mountains flitting and careening past the tiny village into the heart of the
wilderness.
"Wow. Xellos, you are a sadistic bastard. Beating up an old man like that."
"You are twisted."
"But I was doing the- I was..."
Xelgadis winked at him "You disgust me. He was only an old man."
****
Xelgadis sat in the room. Then light jazz tinkled into the room as she entered.
"Xelgadis, I.. I have to come forth to tell you something."
"Yes, Amelia-chan."
"But first I have to ask you. Was it true?"
"Was what true, Honey?"
"Do you... are you gay?"
"Well..."
"I have to know."
"What ever for, my sweet Amelia. And How is it any of your business damn business, my sweetheart?"
Amelia came up to him and held his face. "I love you."
"Oh. That's cool," Xelgadis said.
"I was talking with Xellos just last night. And he.... I don't know what he said to you."
"Nothing."
"But he is right."
"Well, he is as smart as he is handsome," Xelgadis smiled.
"Zelgadis, you will be the only one I love, by strength, by courage. I must prove myself to you. I must show you I am worthy. By this courage. I love you." Amelia grinned. "I can't believe I said it."
"Me neither."
"I like saying it. I love you." Amelia spun around him. "ILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOU."
"Wow. Doppler Effect." Xelgadis smiled.
She threw her arms around him.
"Why?"
"I guess because you're so great."
"So, love happens when you are great?"
"Yes," Amelia said. "I'm never going to find a smarter stronger more wonderful champion than you. And I have stopped searching."
Xelgadis sat in the midst of the great Mazoku mystery. Human love.
"If you love me because I'm great, then how come so many jerks have babies?"
Amelia thought about it for a second. Then she laughed. "You can be so silly."
Xelgadis looked at her.
"And you have nothing to say in return? Tell me anything."
"Ditto."
"Di? What?"
"Oh, I love you too." Xelgadis shrugged "Honey."
"Oh, Zelgadis!"
With this a new fighting move was added to the famous Seiryun repertoire. The Flying Horny Face Sucking Monster kiss. Later the name of this would be cleaned up, as the Kiss of The Power of True love. Xelgadis was pinned ten feet back into the nearest brick wall as Amelia tackled him.
"But, Amelia."
"No, I'm not in the mood for a broken hip. I'm taking charge here."
"Awful bossy."
"I'm a Princess. I am your Princess."
"Let's go."
Amelia peeled off of him.
"Let's go up. Come on. LEVITATION!" Amelia began to float.
She scooted out the window. Xelgadis stared.
"Catch me."
He was still in so many ways the vile wolf of his first body. The chase and the night ahead. Those were things no wolf could deny. Even if it was a condor and not a luscious gazelle he was flying after. One didn't question what they prey was. One caught it.
"RAY WING!" He jumped out the window.
Amelia was zipping along. She was a real hot bird.
"It's like every good thing with us ends in the air," Amelia said, flying around him, zipping like a bird. "When we saved Alto with our two halves. Or when we trashed those castles."
Hmm. Challenge. Xelgadis never realized the burden of all that rock weight in flight. He was using three times the power on this spell he normally did. There was no way he could really use his weight against her. Canny little chick.
She looped up to the moon. Xelgadis tried to work up enough strength to join her. He cast another spell and joined her.
Xelgadis looked at Amelia. She clasped onto him and looked him in the eyes.
"Do you want to?"
"Um..." Xelgadis said.
Amelia turned her head towards him. Lips against his. The world was under them. They were with the clouds and the moon.
Then he closed his eyes and she hers.
Her lips whispered words never heard.
And stone fell.
Amelia dropped the spell on her own body.
"Okay first to chicken out has to kiss the other."
And Xelgadis began to plummet as Amelia did.
****
Gourry was walking in the halls. She'd need it eventually. He was in the nice comfy pajamas leaving his armor in his room.
"Lina."
"Gourry."
Lina was dressed only in a man's dressing shirt but it went past her knees.
"Gomen Lina. I- I..."
"Oh, Gourry, you are not peeping. I don't have any pants. The girls I beat in the dumb beauty contest buried my clothes while I was in the hospice."
"I got this for you, for you tummy."
Lina stared at him. "..."
"It's not a healing spell. It's a bicarbonate soda. But Amelia is... busy."
"Thank you Gourry."
"Well."
"My stomach is fine! I'm Lina Inverse! I'll recover."
"Oh, absolutely."
Gourry heard an awful grumbling Earthquake noise.
Lina curled up into a glob on the bench. "Oi...."
"Here, drink it up."
"Sit down. Nice night." Lina looked over at him then at the view below the balcony.
"Yeah."
She folded up her legs on the bench.
"*mumble* Thanks for telling me not to quit. If I convinced you it was the right thing to do."
"No problem, Lina."
Gourry smiled, "You have that lady to tell you your future."
"Yes."
"It makes you think," Gourry said.
"What? You ever think about the future Gourry?"
Gourry looked down at her. "No." He held her hands. "I can make enough guesses."
She tilted her head on him. He was shocked.
****
Zellos stretched and fell back into the bed. He bounced on the mattress. He was surprised. It had been a long time before he had learned to sleep in a bed after the transformation. He cracked a few beds in his day from being clumsy. Almost as bad as when he broke his floor. Well he wouldn't do anything like that in Xellos's body. Now he was all set to go to sleep.
He bounced again. "Cool." He jumped up again. And laughed. He hadn't done this since he was a kid. He hadn't done anything since he was a kid. He hadn't combed his hair or brushed his teeth with mint toothpaste or even cut himself shaving. Did Xellos grow hair on his face? Okay, he knew he grew hair... he tried to forget the color he had found underneath the towel. But he had never shaven before when he was human. He'd have to learn how. And putting on colognes and getting black eyes. Well he would eventually, if he kept acting like Xellos.
Plunked in the bed noisily squeaking as he fidgeted. There could be no more wonderful body to get tired in and then relax. There, sleeping in his new underwear. Maybe this wasn't horrible experience. He wasn't going to get another chance like this.
****
"What's that squeaking bed?" Lina asked herself.
"This is one of those hotels. I think we're above the honeymoon suite."
"It sounds like they were jumping."
****
Zellos did a back flip and laughed.
"Somersault."
****
Lina didn't want to say where she saw Zelgadis walking with Amelia, but let the subject pass tactfully. Especially when she heard Amelia's whooping caterwaul in the distance. Wow. Maybe it wasn't always the quiet ones.
"Lina. There was something I never got to tell you today."
"What?"
"Well it's..."
A loud noise came from the night.
"YEEEEEEOOOOOW GO Go go!" Xelgadis howled in the distance.
"Don't pull back. We're almost there!" Amelia shouted.
They waited until her voice stopped echoing. Lina breathed in. Gourry was transfixed as they both tried to ignore it.
"What was it Gourry?"
"I'm trying to say."
"...Saying."
A huge whooshing noise that came into range.
"What? I can't HEAR YOU!"
The whoosh of a huge object entering the Earth's gravity. Gourry and Lina plugged their ears.
"YOU LOOKED PRETTY! I THINK YOU MAKE A GREAT BEAUTY QUEEN!"
"THANK YOU GOURRY! THAT IS A SWEET THING TO SAY BUT-"
"I MEAN IT, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!"
Amelia clawed her fingers into his back "Okay, okay, okay. Scream!!!"
Xelgadis howled, "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSss!"
Lina tried not to blush.
"OH! WHY, GOURRY I'M SPEECHLESS!"
"WHAT?"
"I'm speechless." Lina sounded out with her lips.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY LINA?"
"NOTHING, I'M NOT SAYING ANYTHING, I'M SPEECHLESS."
"I must have cast a spell to do that." Gourry laughed to himself. "She sure knows how to open her big mouth."
The cabinets began to rattle and the closets emptied.
Lina pointed at her ear.
"I"M GOING TO-" the noise let down.
"What"
"Um um um. This."
Gourry puckered his lips. And it was too clear. Lina smiled, leaned her head in...
Zellos appeared covering his ears. "I'm scared. What's that noise?"
"Alright, alright, I was too polite to admit it- It's Amelia and Zelgadis."
Zellos froze.
"What?"
"They were making the bed springs squeak like they were jumping on it."
"Amelia.... WHAT!!!" Zellos grabbed Lina.
Zellos passed out.
"Wow. You killed another Mazoku," Gourry said.
"Uh oh." She poked Zellos. "If Amelia asks he was trying to take over the city."
"Okay. Poor guy." Gourry shrugged. "He was the smallest monster I ever knew. He also drank the most."
Lina stood up over Zellos's body and looked at Gourry.
"I'm going to-" Gourry stared at her, "Miss him."
"Yeah." Lina stared gooey eyed at him. "He was-"
Gourry leaned in to kiss her again. She grabbed him.
"But Amelia. No No. She she shesheshesheshe. DAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Zellos squealed.
"Hmmm... I guess he's not dead." Lina kicked him.
Zellos clutched his chest "I am going straight to Helle. I've destroyed her! I've... What have I DONE, LINA?"
Lina slapped him turned him around and Gourry slapped on the other cheek.
"Wow, I never thought I'd have to do that to Xellos, except for fun," Lina said.
"Xellos are you going to be..." Gourry asked.
"Oh my god it was last night, I told her. Why didn't I stop her she-Oh my-"
Lina lifted her fist again.
"Oh, losing Zelgadis has made Xellos lose his mind," Gourry whimpered holding her arm.
"He was sane?" Lina asked.
Zellos began bawling like a baby and glomped onto Gourry. "What have I done to her, Gourry?"
"Hold me, and protect me from the scary noises!" Zellos wrapped around Gourry's neck.
"Hey, I'm sorry Xellos, it's too late."
"But she's that's what."
"Look they are crazy about each other."
"You've got that half right," Zellos muttered.
"Xellos-kun isn't that a little long to be holding on to Gourry?"
"He-"
Lina smacked him. And made him lose consciousness.
"What did you do that for? If he wasn't a mazoku I'd say that was mean."
"He 's... he's... Aren't you worried with all that going on between him and... well he's... Aren't you afraid he'll come onto you?"
"Nonsense, he's in love with Xelgadis. And I'm not gay. Silly goose."
"Yes but-"
"I wonder what Amelia and Zelgadis are doing right now?"
*****
Xelgadis deprived of his shirt it the fiery blast from the crater, pulled out cigarettes out of nowhere.
Amelia leaned back.
"Let me borrow your cloak Zelgadis."
Xelgadis passed the cloak to her.
"Where did a sweet little princess learn how to free fall like that?"
"I practice. I knew you would like it."
Xelgadis looked around. "This is nice."
"Hai. You made a nice crater. It will probably make a nice pond."
"I'm sorry I didn't pull up in time."
"But you're alive. I think that's wonderful," Amelia said.
"I can barely blink. I think you will kill me."Xelgadis smiled.
She cuddled into his chest.
Then the strange part began.
"I like looking up at the sky and looking at the clouds. And pretending they are shaped like things. Like Bunnies and Swords and Horses. Look there! A cow."
Xelgadis closed his eyes. Yes there had to be a down side to this whole love thing.
"A tree. A little baby dragon. A pony."
Xelgadis gritted his teeth and prayed for her to get his lung cancer from his second hand smoke. She coughed a little already.
"Oh!" She said with wonder. "Pretty."
A red cloud floated overhead. Amelia looked again. Well it was a nice color, and only because it was making horrible noises and flames were shooting out of it.
"That doesn't look like a good omen."
*****
Lina sighed as she saw the breakfast.
"Oh boy. Breakfast is great," Gourry said, finishing his eighth plate.
Lina ate a bite of egg. "It tastes like pepper."
Gourry pushed the plate aside "Eat a pancake. These are so fluffy!"
"Can I have one?" Zellos asked.
"Sure." Gourry fed him one and wiped his mouth.
Lina grumbled and stole the plate. Then she took a bite "Tastes like peppers."
"You can let me out Gourry," Zellos said. "I've calmed down. I'm not going to go crazy."
"Now now. We'll go find Amelia and she can explain," Lina said
"Waffle Xellos-kun?"
"I can barely make it through these blintzes."
She put the plate in her mouth. "Everything tastes like peppers!!!! It's horrible."
"Can we go now? We've got to save Amelia." Zellos struggled. "I see now I was being flaky, a little unhinged. I'm embarrassed at what I was saying. Now please untie me."
Xellos was tied in plain ordinary hempen ropes to the chair underneath him. Surely the inn owners wouldn't mind if it spared a girls life and possibly the city.
"Well, maybe..."
Lina hit Gourry. "No. He'll just go flying after them in a jealous rage. Don't you read romance novels?"
"I think we can trust him." Gourry argued.
"Maybe he's just..."
Zellos cast a small spell and burned the rope.
"I think we can trust him," Gourry said.
Zellos snapped free, "I'm going to kill them."
"We've got to stop him! It's all your fault!"
Xelgadis was looking at another section of sky. A section of sky filled with a purple streak. He gulped.
"No."
They heard a crash.
"Xel! You heartless disgusting fiend!"
They saw Zellos flying like a bullet towards them, wielding the staff.
"Um what is that? What is he doing with that?" Xelgadis began to tremble "What is he doing?"
"Xel!!! You nasty despicable-"
"Zelgadis, he's gone mad! I don't know! Xellos is after me! Is he after me?"
She glomped Xelgadis.
Behind him, Lina was flying. "Don't do it, Xellos. You like Amelia!"
"No, not a good omen."
***
In the morning (and morning did come for the tortured human turned chimera turned human in an old mazoku's body) the light seemed out to fry his brain and he began to wonder if he shouldn't wear a hat to protect his brain from the light. Perhaps it was some vicious photophobic vestige of being a monster. The Beast Master had found out that he was in Xellos's body and now sought to kill him from the inside out by melting this brain.
But of course it wouldn't be that glamorous.
"Wow, I love being a chimera. And to think I drank so much last night! I'm not even sleepy." Xelgadis smiled. "Almost as much as you."
"What? I'm having your hangover. That is not fair."
"Well you are having my black out. We have to get you some sunglasses."
"Photophobia?"
"What?"
"Monsters are afraid of light. As creatures of darkness they must protect themselves."
"Only after a bottle of Sandorian Merlot, tiger. You are not a mazoku. Get it in your head."
Zellos sighed and put on the glasses.
"Aren't you afraid you'll give everyone the wrong idea coming out of my room in the morning?" Immediately he thought about Amelia for some reason, something he said last night, but shook his head.
"I want some ice cream. You now like Rocky road. So I want my staff back. Give it to me."
"Your staff? You're busting in here at-"
"2 o'clock in the afternoon. Now give me my staff. Come on." Xelgadis said.
"Xel, we've only been pretending three days. Wouldn't it look suspicious if Xelgadis uses Zellos's magic staff to conjure an ice cream sundae?"
"Ooh that's a great idea. Do you want a turtle sundae?" Xelgadis squealed.
"What's a turtle sundae?"
Xelgadis grabbed the staff from under the bed. He rattled the staff and conjured one. He licked the whipped cream off his finger. "You have excellent taste. Take a bite. Call it breakfast."
Zellos looked closer and he realized the bowl was a turtle shell and little claws and eyeballs were mixed in with the caramel and chocolate.
"Is Turtle Sundae supposed to be made out of a real turtle?"
"Of course not." Xelgadis rolled his eyes. "It's not real anymore. It's dead."
"Hmm." Zellos grimaced.
"There aren't fresh turtles in Turtle sundaes. Just in mine. It'll help your headache."
"Everyone knows the only cure for a hangover is the rare Vanilla Bean Collata Elixir, three aspirin and a cup of coffee."
"Hmmm. It works?"
"It's a Greywords Secret."
"How about a vanilla milkshake?"
Zellos was in no mood to debate hangover cures. He let the mazoku conjure him one.
They sipped the cold drinks.
"Hey guys, what are you doing?"
They stared at each other.
"I was just giving Xelgadis a bite of my Turtle Sundae," said Zellos, yanking the bowl away.
Gourry scratched his head. "What's in it?"
"Oh, a sea turtle. They are endangered. I was kind of hoping for one of those big ones with the ninja mask. You know, the rare Ninja Turtle." Zellos smiled
Xelgadis spat out while Gourry handed the bowl back.
"Ooh, ice cream..." Lina said wistfully. "I like ice cream."
She frowned and walked away down the hall forlorn.
"Well that was odd..."
Lina thundered down the hall "Give me that ice cream! You stone faced freak!" Lina pounced on Xelgadis.
Xelgadis shrieked like a little girl. "Who are you calling a freak?"
"Gimme that ice cream!" Lina clawed his face.
"Lina you can't eat anything before the contest." Gourry said. "Besides it has turtle bits in it. That's gross."
"You must work beyond the hunger." Amelia said in a sage-like voice "To attain your goal you must ignore your stomach.
"My stomach is going to win my this contest. I want to keep it happy. BALIS ROD!"
The whip of light hit Xelgadis's hands and tried to pry the bowl out of his hands.
Zellos began to laugh hysterically.
"Zelgadis-san, whatever happens, don't let her get that bowl."
"Whatever happens? Amelia, she'll kill me." Xelgadis said.
Lina twisted the beam of light around the bowl and Xelgadis tugged.
"You are mine, ice cream!" Lina cackled.
"Don't give in Lina." Amelia wrapped her arms around the crazed sorceress. "Fight her Xelgadis."
Gourry stood behind Xelgadis and pulled in the opposite direction.
"I haven't eaten in 10 hours."
"She's doing better than I thought." Amelia struggled to pull Lina's hands behind her back.
"Ice cream. Need ice cream. Love ICE CREAM" The light whip spell poured out of her hands.
Zellos stood next to Lina.
"Vanilla milkshake Lina-kun?"
Lina turned around and saw the milk shake. She dropped the Balis Rod and sent Gourry and Xelgadis flying through about ten walls with the force of ten Blast Waves.
Lina purred and purred like a happy animal and began drinking her milk shake.
Zellos smiled, looking at the destruction "Being me is a lot of fun."
Xelgadis carried Gourry back into the room.
"My spine," whimpered Gourry.
"Oh I just fell on you. Don't be a baby. Can you wiggle your toes?" asked Xelgadis.
Gourry complied.
"See? Stop bitching."
Amelia looked at Xellos. Oh, he was putting up such a good act. Obviously Zelgadis didn't know what they had talked about last night. Here he was same as ever. Causing trouble in his roughish, normal way.
Another person like Lina, or someone smarter, would say Xellos had not changed. That he would use any opportunity to steal Zelgadis again. But Amelia knew. There was something in Xellos's eyes, though they were more than human and evil, something comparable to guilt, sorrow, tears. There was finality in his eyes. And Amelia, as a strong person, could never risk her heart to do the smart thing.
Today would be a long day. Ever so long. Because she knew what the night would bring. When Lina had won, and she and Zelgadis were alone. The "perfect moment" could wait until the moon rose. Couldn't it?
*****
The whole town had arrived to watch the Pepper Eating Contest. They waited in noisy anticipation as the contestants got on stage. Lina tossed Gourry her cape and made two biceps "Check this action. I'm going for both cannons." She posed like a body builder. "Ho yeah. We're cooking with fire now. I'm hungry."
At this Pete "the Dragon" walked on stage and dropped his cloak, thereby completely covering Lina in it.
"FLARE ARROW!"
The cloak went flaming in the air.
"Why, you big pig!"
"I be a man. And you won't be saying that when I win the contest and get The Lady of the Moon to tell my fortune."
"I bet 80 percent of it is about never learning bodily hygiene." Lina held her nose.
Farmer Piscataway shouted, "Show that girl, Petey!" Mrs. Piscataway oinked in support.
And then between them, the crowd hushed. The champion didn't come from the stairs.
From the sky a snow of white feathers fell on the audience. Amelia was the first to gasp.
The crowd grabbed at the feather. The man began to float down, not even rippling his feathers. As if they were manifestations of will rather than flesh and feather.
"It's a Very Old Man with Enormous Wings!" exclaimed Amelia.
"You ain't just whistling Gabriel Garcia Marquez," said Xelgadis.
"My husband is of a dead race. He is the last Draconian. In our youths, we courted each other in a time of great war. Our hearts have been inter-twined since."
Amelia stared "How beautiful."
The Seeress smacked her over the head. "Eyes to yourself, missy. That is my man."
"Oh. Well, I know that an angel like him is out of reach." Amelia humoured the woman. "But I am in love with a man like no other."
"The blond swordsman?" The Seeress elbowed her, "Growl. There is something about a man who wields steel. And the long blond hair... wow."
"No not Gourry. But he is a sorcerer, swordsman, and warrior of justice."
The Seeress held her hand. And concentrated.
"Yes. I see him. Very pretty man. Slender body, powerful magic."
"Yes. But..."
"This is not future telling. I'm only seeing what is.... And such lovely hair."
"Well I use special-"
"Not you- him. I see purple. But I'm wrong? This is odd. I have no idea what I'm talking about." The Seeress said.
"That is not my love. That is him." She pointed into the crowd. "An evil mazoku named Xellos."
"Oh. Well like I said it wasn't future telling. I'm just a silly old fool."
"It is alright." Amelia sighed. "The aged's wisdom should be considered. Even if it is crazy."
"Like I said, Your Majesty, I was wrong. Forgive me. "The Seeress bowed to the princess.
"How did you know I was a princess?"
The old man landed on the stage.
"I am here."
"Gentlemen... and lLady. The rules are simple. Here are the peppers for you to eat. Who ever clears out the most peppers out of their pile wins. They have been hand picked and numbered. So that we will know who has eaten the most."
The three pepper piles reached beyond the top of the clock tower.
"That all?" Petey snorted a laugh "What do we get if we finish all of them?"
The Judge straightened his glasses. "You eat the peppers in your opponents pile."
"And those?" Lina said, she cast a defiant glance at Petey.
"If you can eat all of these you will ascend to the level of a high demon lord. As the legend does dictate." The judge laughed and the audience joined him
"I'd make a good Demon Lord." Petey straightened his coveralls.
"I'm kidding of course. That was the ancient superstition which began our festival. Now we realize that it was just a superstition. But it does provide a bit of local color."
"Come on Lina. You can do it." Amelia said waving a paper fan.
"Yep." Xelgadis sipped his mochachino.
Zellos looked at the drink in his hand.
"What is that?" Zellos asked.
"Mochachino. Want a sip? Lots of caffeine, right Zellos? Gives you a killer brain freeze."
"I didn't know you liked ice cream so much, Zelgadis." Amelia said.
"Well I can get my caffeine from other sources. I'm getting tired of burning my tongue." Xelgadis began to twist his face. He clutched his head, "Brain Freeze."
The Judge looked at his watch. "When the bell tolls four times. The giant pepper will descend and the contest will begin. Those who drop out will be provided with milk
Lina looked at the giant town clock tower. Boy she was hungry. Petey eyed his competition arrogantly. The old man merely stood.
"It's never going to work. Have you seen 'The Dragon'? He could swallow me and eat the rest of you for seconds." Xelgadis injected his typical dour and cynical commentary.
"We must have faith in our friend so that she can succeed," Amelia said.
"I hope Lina doesn't kill herself on all these piscus peppers." Gourry bit his nails in worry, wrapping himself in Lina's cloak.
The giant clock above ticked as the audience was stilled. The pepper fell right in front of Xelgadis, obstructing his view of the stage. The three stared in anticipation.
"Time for me to win this contest and become the demon lord." Petey grabbed an armload of peppers.
Lina stared at the monster "Aaaaah!" She clenched her fist and dove into the pile of peppers, steam and dust trailing behind her. She zipped so fast she vanished from the naked eye.
The old man stretched and sat down and grabbed a pepper "Yum. Piscus." he ate it. "Ooh boy they are spicier than ever this yeah."
Amelia jumped up and down "Look at Lina go!"
"Oh she's just asking for a tummy ache." Gourry held his stomach, "This was a bad idea."
"But with the size of Petey's hands and arms he can shovel them in at an alarming rate. Already Petey ate a pint of pickled piscus peppers." Xelgadis announced.
"That's one gargantuan wart hog pelonian of fearful proportions."
Izzy the milk boy gasped "Prodigious!"
"Yes a piggish Pelonian of prodigious proportions."
Lina was still shoveling the peppers in her mouth. Petey lifted another cartload of peppers into his mouth, shaking the cart in his mouth.
"A whole cart full of peppers?" Gourry said.
Xelgadis whispered "He's eating them like movie candy.
Petey was sweating so much it collected in wooden well buckets. His parents spurred his gluttony with oinks and cheers.
"This Pete 'the Dragon' is a demon." Zellos shook his head.
"If he keeps this up he *will* become a demon lord," Xelgadis said amazed.
Amelia shook her head "You don't believe that old legend. Xellos, you've been alive for four thousand years, that's not true, is it?"
Zellos looked at Xelgadis. How could even Xelgadis have superior knowledge of Demon Lore than the ancient Mazoku? He would have to make it up before Amelia caught on.
Zellos nodded. "Oh yes, it's been that way a thousand years before Xelgadis was born. So I was the only one alive when it happened-"
Xelgadis held up two fingers on each hand.
"Two thousand years?"
Xelgadis shook his head.
"Two hundred years ago? I mean Two thousand Two hundred?" Zellos shrugged.
Petey filled up the hug horse trough with peppers and swallowed it and the peppers. In four gulps.
"He's eating more then those beasts of Kaljin." Xelgadis said.
"Oh yes I remember those. The fierce beast who, who, who-" Zellos said, playing along.
Xelgadis "--tried to usurp The Ruby eyed ones power. By eating all of Pelonia's Pickled Peppers he would have enough fire power to melt the foundations of the Earth. Each Pepper holds a demon so if you eat it the demon goes free. They don't call them demon peppers for nothing. You eat enough of them they would " Xelgadis finished "Well that's what I read, in the book, Ancient Spicy Pepper Curses by Eipi Freeli."
"He was a disgusting creature and bad at cribbage." Zellos agreed.
"But it could have been the pickles. There were rumors that the pickles could have the same power. The his ape beast minions were killed by homemade pelonian pickled grapes. Not the peppers."
"Really how many?"
"About eight." Xelgadis said casually.
"Eight grapes?" Gourry asked.
"Eight apes." Xelgadis said.
"I don't remember. I was a little mazoku wolf. A baby at my mother's teat." Zellos recovered beautifully.
"I would never forget something like eight great apes who eating demonic pickle grapes. You are ribbing me. The both of you." Amelia said.
"No, it's true." Zellos said.
"Eight great apes ate eight grapes." Amelia tossed her head "You two are trying to trick me."
Lina continued plowing through her pile face first, like a caterpillar, closing her eyes, wearing away at the pile.
The old man put another one in his mouth.
While Petey's face turned green. He began wheezing.
"He is faltering behind Lina." Xelgadis pointed.
"He should have paced himself."
"Like the eighth ape on his eight grape paced himself. I remember that now." Zellos said.
"Will you stop with rubber baby buggy bumpers humor and give me some support?" Lina growled.
"Sorry Lina." They said.
"I've never eaten anything so spicy in my--" Lina's brain stopped "life."
"They said these things are spicy." Gourry said.
"I've got to win. I've got to beat that old man. I'll bet he's out already. If The Dragon is gone."
The old man waved at her "How are you doing, Miss Inverse?"
"I'll win yet." Lina tried to stand up.
"Bow out, girlie. Take a milk and throw in the towel." The old man patted her on the back. "These are Pelonian Peppers."
Lina was weeping fire. "Never, you peppery bastard. I will not let you win this eating contest." Lina panted.
Lina grabbed a handful of peppers, chewing on them defiantly, before turning red and continuing eating on.
Gourry wrung his hands "Eventually she should become immune to the spiciness? Right?" Gourry said.
"It hasn't been the case so far." Zellos said.
Lina stood up and roused herself. "It's psychological. If I don't believe it's spicy I can win. I can eat them."
Lina continued putting peppers in her mouth. As the old man popped, chewed, swallowed and sighed in a robotic well paced attack. Pop, chew, swallow, and sigh. Pop, chew, swallow, and sigh. Pop, chew, swallow, and sigh. Pop, chew, swallow, and sigh....
"Maybe it wasn't such an idea to have an eating contest with a pig and a angel. A mortal can't handle it."
The old man walked over to Lina's pile and began to eat her peppers.
"Oh no. She's getting behind. He's eating hers." Amelia gasped. "What do we do?"
Gourry got a little gerbil with Lina's head running in a wheel above his head "I have an idea!"
Gourry ran off to the fountain.
"Hikari O!"
He picked up a block of wood and began cutting.
"He isn't human," the crowd gasped at Van.
Lina held her nose and tried to swallow without chewing.
By then Gourry had what he needed to help Lina. He dipped the creation in the water and ran to her.
"I can't believe she's still going." the villagers said, "She's a maniac. We should call the undertaker..."
Lina's burnt tongue wouldn't even fit in her mouth it was so swollen. She bit her tongue.
"Lina." Gourry said bursting through the crowd "I got you something. Here drink this water.
"WATER!" Lina groaned.
"Go on Lina." Amelia said giving a victory sign "There is no rule you can't get a little help."
Lina drank the water.
And then began to scream, "HWAAAAAAA!"
A shot of flame came out of her mouth.
"What happened?"
Izzy the milk boy shook his head. "She shouldn't be drinking water. That only makes it worse."
"What but it's water."
The milk boy pulled out a chart of the human mouth and esophagus and a pie graph. He pointed at it with a pointer.
"The chemical capscasin causes a chemical reaction to convince the skin it is being exposed to heat, as a defense mechanism to avoid fire and other skin damaging heat. Hence the burning sensation and inflammation when one eats peppers. To drink water wouldn't dilute the chemical at this point."
Xelgadis grabbed him tipping over his visual aids"In English?"
" It washes the spice around on her tongue." Zellos spelled.
"What does that mean?" Gourry asked.
"It will make it worse."
"Uh-oh." Gourry looked at his glass. And poured it upside down "No more water."
Lina picked her charred beaten body off the ground. She grabbed another hand full "Not spicy at all. I'll just have a drink of water."
"Lina you can't-"
"I need WATER!" She grabbed it away from Gourry.
"But that just makes the peppers-"
A cloud of flame erupted around Lina's head, leaving the crowd panicking and running away. Her friends were charred by the flames.
Gourry coughed "Worse."
Lina stood up and roused herself "It's psychological. I've been through worse. I've killed worse. I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED BY A PIECE OF FOOD!"
She fell on the piles only strong enough to eat with her lips
"I guess all the food we ate over the years is getting vengeance." Gourry said
"The pile is almost gone." Zellos announced, "I bet you if Lina eats anymore steam will come out of her ears." Zellos said.
"Only if we're lucky," Xelgadis said, sucking on his mochachino.
"But the old man has only a few more peppers to go. He's eating Lina's too. So that's how he wins. He eats his opponents peppers."
Gourry stood up. "That cheater."
"It is unjust."
"You guys that means he has to eat more peppers not less. Think clearly." Zellos said uncharacteristically bitter.
"Oh my fruitcake is all cranky." Xelgadis glomped him. "He's all cranky and mean because he had too much booze last night."
"It was wine."
"Never-the-less Xel-kun it was substance abuse."
Gourry and Amelia stared at them confused. Were they supposed to act like that?
"Cheatin' is cheatin'." Gourry said
"This situation is desperate. We need to come together and... and..." Amelia rolled up her sleeve.
"Yeah I know you are talking about-"
"Do the 'perfect cheer'!"
The boys face-faulted.
The old man looked at the pig boy lying flat on his back, "How many pickled piscus peppers could Peter Piscataway pick through?" the old man asked himself. He saw the girl's friends standing on each other's shoulders cheering. "And the girl is wonderful. She won't give up. I don't know whether to shake her hand or run frightened. I'm glad I don't have to battle her. With those red eyes she even looks like old Dilandau sama. But he's be gone for a long while."
Lina put the peppers in her mouth and they fell out.
"Do it Lina."
"I can't. My brain is on fire."
"I guess that means I win," the old man said.
"No! I didn't even get to do my big victory cheer. Zelgadis lift me up."
"Huh?"
"Come on. We've got to do it for Lina."
"Dammit, Amelia, I'm a shaman, not a cheerleader," Xelgadis said, sounding suspiciously anachronistic and like that doctor guy in Star Trek.
The old man lifted his ears to a familiar voice.
He looked once again towards Lina's friends. The old man's eyes hardened with rage. "Hey, that guy looks awfully familiar."
"Eep?" Zellos looked at the old man."Oh no, it's that old couple," Zellos whispered. He covered his eyes and hid behind Amelia.
"I remember you. You were that no good horrible pervert in the woods." He said. "How dare you show your face around here?!"
"I didn't-" Zellos trembled. The old man walked straight up to the intruder.
"You are a rude little punk who deserves a lesson." The old man rolled up his sleeves.
"What?"
Everyone looked at Xelgadis.
"How very rude." Xelgadis put his hands on his hips. "I never did anything to you."
Zellos kicked him in the shin "Yes *I* did, remember?"
"Uh-oh."
"Contestants are reminded to keep away from the audience."
"Oh stuff it, Judge. I don't have time for this." He shook his fist at the judge. "Make her the winner. Honestly. I never saw anyone get so obsessed over a little contest. It's only peppers." The old man shook his head.
"Whoever eats the most peppers wins. And accordingly-" the judge pointed to the two piles, with three a piece, "You are ahead by one."
"One peppers to win."
Lina could no longer move "Ggggggg."
Amelia grabbed her. "Come on, Lina! Never give up on your dream. Guys, help me out."
Xelgadis held Lina's nose, Zellos yanked her tongue and Amelia dropped in the pepper.
Lina spit it out.
"Cram it in,Lina! You're almost there. If you really want to win you can do it," Gourry said.
Lina looked up. "Blou thlink I cun doit." He tongue swollen like a big red balloon about to pop.
"I thought that you thought this was stupid. That a real man didn't need to eat peppers."
"Well you aren't a real man, are you Lina? You can do it."
"I know you can do it, Lina," Gourry said under his breath. "That's what scares me."
Lina placed the pepper in her mouth and chomped smiling crossing her arms in arrogant triumph then passed out.
"By Default the Pickled Piscus Pepper Contest is Lina Inverse! Eating 149,999 peppers! A festival record!"
The crowd cheered.
"As the first girl to ever won the contest in the last 100 years. We had to look to our records. And so according to the town charter is elected Miss Hot Chili Pepper."
The girls in the town stood up all at once. "What?!"
Candy grumbled, "That short flat-chested dip. She's not even from our town."
Even unconscious her instincts were sharp. Unconscious her first response was to slap Gourry as a reflex.
"It wasn't me," Gourry huffed.
Zellos smiled. "It was the girl with the pink hair."
"Oh." She threw a fireball into the crowd.
Lina stood up. "What happened? Why is someone having a death wish by commenting on my physique?"
"Lina, you won the contest!" Gourry punched her in the arm and lifted her for a bear hug. "You are Miss Hot Chili Pepper!"
"Justice triumphs!" Amelia made her justice sign.
"Ewww," Lina groaned. "I think that I got a chili pepper up my nose."
"Who would have guessed you would be a beauty queen?" Gourry said.
"What?"
Gourry looked around pretending to look in the audience "Who said that?"
Lina looked at her victory.
"Wow, only a few peppers left in the pile."
Only one glowed with evil power.
"I wonder if that old legend is true," Amelia said. "If someone could eat 150 thousand peppers they could do anything."
A huge flaming cloud floated over the tiny village, with beams of red and orange shooting out of it. A chorus of demons and evils spirits sang an evil eerie song, "Lina is our master. Lina is our queen. Lina is the-"
"That's stupid. Evil magic peppers? Feh." Lina stood up. "I'm not eating any more of these awful things." She threw the pepper at the cloud.
Inside the cloud all the evil pepper spirits frowned and began to cry.
Meanwhile across the happy scene, Xelgadis was being chased by the old man and his wife. "Van Slanzar de Fanel, leave that Chimera alone! He's just a baby!" The Seeress grabbed her husband, giving Zellos and Xelgadis enough time to duck behind a picnic table they toppled over.
"Zelgadis, you're a peeping Tom!"
Zellos gasped, "It's not his fault!"
The man growled.
"I mean it really isn't his fault," Zellos said under his breath "Man is he screwed over."
"It's no fair. I'm getting threatened by people I don't know!" Xelgadis began raining tears as he sped past.
"Well, but-"
"And you were so worried that someone would kill me 'cause I was so bad. Well, I guess I'm not so fearsome and loathsome after. You should know better."
"Xelgadis get back here and hide like a man!" Zellos said. "Stop crying!" Zellos shrunk down.
"You, you weird boy, you too." The old man
Zellos held out his staff and deflected the sword blow easily. The old man froze.
"ZEL!!! What are you doing with that staff?" Xelgadis freaked.
"I, Zellos Metallium, assure you, as his friend, that he would never-"
Van swung his sword and he blocked the blow.
Zellos stood up again "You don't understand, he is a morally upright-"
Swing.
Slash.
"He is a man of honor."
Van drove the point of the sword towards his throat.
"Oh, and I'm gay," Xelgadis said.
The old man froze.
"Zelgadis is not gay!" Zellos shrieked.
"Oh yeah. Yes I am. I like the fellas. There is nothing I like more then the idea of men having hot sex. Especially with me."
"Huh?" the old man froze.
Zellos's hands wrapped around Xelgadis's throat. "What are you saying?"
"Oh come on. Of course I am." Xelgadis said, "Don't be so naive."
"I'm not naive. I'm- coming to the fact that you, Xelgadis, are not gay."
"I would know. The way I leer at Gourry and you. But, well, how can I help but stare at you Zellos, you are..." Xelgadis blew a kiss at him.
"Well I'm sorry."
"Oh don't worry sir. It happens all the time. I am the biggest closet case I know. Why, seriously, I was probably trying to deny my raging homosexuality by pretending to watch you and your wife. It was to resurrect my non-existent heterosexuality."
"Well, my Hitomi *is* pretty."
"It was a cry for help. And a wake up call. I'm only sorry I had to torture you. I wouldn't even be surprised if you did kill me."
"So you didn't mean it at all. You're more messed up than my brother," the old man said.
"The only people I am sexually interested in are men," Xelgadis said
"You dirty liar!" Zellos beat him over the head with the staff.
"What, you know it's the truth, Zellos. You of all people."
"What are you talking about? Xelgadis is a stud. You'd never be attracted to a guy."
Lina sighed. "Well their was that Miwan in Femille."
"That was an honest mistake," Zellos said.
"Mr. Xellos. You said it was hard evidence when we left Femille."
"It was," Xelgadis nodded.
"Why are you doing this to me?" Zellos tore at his violet hair. "Are you trying to raise my blood pressure? Are you trying to make me want to kill you?"
"Zellos, calm yourself. You know you were right," Xelgadis touched his shoulder.
"It was not. I, as a mazoku, cannot tell the truth, have a perverted sense of reality, and a brain the size of a under-ripe cashew."
Xelgadis gasped. "That's not true. You take it back!"
"No," Zellos said.
"Mazoku have preternatural abilities to reveal the darkest truths about us," Xelgadis said.
"Oh, yeah, right," Lina said.
"They are fearsome creatures," Xelgadis shook Lina.
"Let me tell you something Xel-chan," Zellos poked him. "I am about as fearsome as a rabid gerbil. I mean I am a complete joke. Why else would I always be smiling? Sore wa Himitsu desu? I'm surprised no has killed me. In fact that must mean I'm utterly harmless."
"You are one of the most dangerous mazoku in the world."
"I thought so too. But if we have to be honest..."
"At least I'm a closet case!" Xelgadis glared at the violet haired man sharply.
"At least I'm a fruitcake!" Zellos said pointing at the Chimera.
"Closet Case!"
"Fruitcake!"
The two growled at each other.
"What are they talking about? Themselves?" Amelia asked.
"They don't take compliments well," Gourry said.
"I think they had too much sun today," Lina whispered.
Zellos grabbed Amelia. "Amelia. You tell them. Is Xelgadis gay?"
"No, no, not Zelgadis. I mean he may be bi-curious. But he... he can't be."
"See and she's his close friend. So in conclusion-"
The old man tried to cut off Xelgadis's head again.
"Your friends say you lie. You were leering at my wife. I knew it."
"That's not the conclusion I had in mind."
"Gee Xellos. I know you're a mazoku, but you don't need to get him killed." Lina said.
"But I'm not-" Zellos squeaked.
The old man tackled him.
Zellos looked at the struggle. Oh great to defend his virility Xelgadis would have to die. This was horrible. He had to do something take some responsibility.
Of course that didn't mean he had to reveal anything.
"Xelgadis, duck. Blast Wave!" why's everything in Italics now? ^_^;;
He went flying in the air, coasting over the mountains flitting and careening past the tiny village into the heart of the
wilderness.
"Wow. Xellos, you are a sadistic bastard. Beating up an old man like that."
"You are twisted."
"But I was doing the- I was..."
Xelgadis winked at him "You disgust me. He was only an old man."
****
Xelgadis sat in the room. Then light jazz tinkled into the room as she entered.
"Xelgadis, I.. I have to come forth to tell you something."
"Yes, Amelia-chan."
"But first I have to ask you. Was it true?"
"Was what true, Honey?"
"Do you... are you gay?"
"Well..."
"I have to know."
"What ever for, my sweet Amelia. And How is it any of your business damn business, my sweetheart?"
Amelia came up to him and held his face. "I love you."
"Oh. That's cool," Xelgadis said.
"I was talking with Xellos just last night. And he.... I don't know what he said to you."
"Nothing."
"But he is right."
"Well, he is as smart as he is handsome," Xelgadis smiled.
"Zelgadis, you will be the only one I love, by strength, by courage. I must prove myself to you. I must show you I am worthy. By this courage. I love you." Amelia grinned. "I can't believe I said it."
"Me neither."
"I like saying it. I love you." Amelia spun around him. "ILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOU."
"Wow. Doppler Effect." Xelgadis smiled.
She threw her arms around him.
"Why?"
"I guess because you're so great."
"So, love happens when you are great?"
"Yes," Amelia said. "I'm never going to find a smarter stronger more wonderful champion than you. And I have stopped searching."
Xelgadis sat in the midst of the great Mazoku mystery. Human love.
"If you love me because I'm great, then how come so many jerks have babies?"
Amelia thought about it for a second. Then she laughed. "You can be so silly."
Xelgadis looked at her.
"And you have nothing to say in return? Tell me anything."
"Ditto."
"Di? What?"
"Oh, I love you too." Xelgadis shrugged "Honey."
"Oh, Zelgadis!"
With this a new fighting move was added to the famous Seiryun repertoire. The Flying Horny Face Sucking Monster kiss. Later the name of this would be cleaned up, as the Kiss of The Power of True love. Xelgadis was pinned ten feet back into the nearest brick wall as Amelia tackled him.
"But, Amelia."
"No, I'm not in the mood for a broken hip. I'm taking charge here."
"Awful bossy."
"I'm a Princess. I am your Princess."
"Let's go."
Amelia peeled off of him.
"Let's go up. Come on. LEVITATION!" Amelia began to float.
She scooted out the window. Xelgadis stared.
"Catch me."
He was still in so many ways the vile wolf of his first body. The chase and the night ahead. Those were things no wolf could deny. Even if it was a condor and not a luscious gazelle he was flying after. One didn't question what they prey was. One caught it.
"RAY WING!" He jumped out the window.
Amelia was zipping along. She was a real hot bird.
"It's like every good thing with us ends in the air," Amelia said, flying around him, zipping like a bird. "When we saved Alto with our two halves. Or when we trashed those castles."
Hmm. Challenge. Xelgadis never realized the burden of all that rock weight in flight. He was using three times the power on this spell he normally did. There was no way he could really use his weight against her. Canny little chick.
She looped up to the moon. Xelgadis tried to work up enough strength to join her. He cast another spell and joined her.
Xelgadis looked at Amelia. She clasped onto him and looked him in the eyes.
"Do you want to?"
"Um..." Xelgadis said.
Amelia turned her head towards him. Lips against his. The world was under them. They were with the clouds and the moon.
Then he closed his eyes and she hers.
Her lips whispered words never heard.
And stone fell.
Amelia dropped the spell on her own body.
"Okay first to chicken out has to kiss the other."
And Xelgadis began to plummet as Amelia did.
****
Gourry was walking in the halls. She'd need it eventually. He was in the nice comfy pajamas leaving his armor in his room.
"Lina."
"Gourry."
Lina was dressed only in a man's dressing shirt but it went past her knees.
"Gomen Lina. I- I..."
"Oh, Gourry, you are not peeping. I don't have any pants. The girls I beat in the dumb beauty contest buried my clothes while I was in the hospice."
"I got this for you, for you tummy."
Lina stared at him. "..."
"It's not a healing spell. It's a bicarbonate soda. But Amelia is... busy."
"Thank you Gourry."
"Well."
"My stomach is fine! I'm Lina Inverse! I'll recover."
"Oh, absolutely."
Gourry heard an awful grumbling Earthquake noise.
Lina curled up into a glob on the bench. "Oi...."
"Here, drink it up."
"Sit down. Nice night." Lina looked over at him then at the view below the balcony.
"Yeah."
She folded up her legs on the bench.
"*mumble* Thanks for telling me not to quit. If I convinced you it was the right thing to do."
"No problem, Lina."
Gourry smiled, "You have that lady to tell you your future."
"Yes."
"It makes you think," Gourry said.
"What? You ever think about the future Gourry?"
Gourry looked down at her. "No." He held her hands. "I can make enough guesses."
She tilted her head on him. He was shocked.
****
Zellos stretched and fell back into the bed. He bounced on the mattress. He was surprised. It had been a long time before he had learned to sleep in a bed after the transformation. He cracked a few beds in his day from being clumsy. Almost as bad as when he broke his floor. Well he wouldn't do anything like that in Xellos's body. Now he was all set to go to sleep.
He bounced again. "Cool." He jumped up again. And laughed. He hadn't done this since he was a kid. He hadn't done anything since he was a kid. He hadn't combed his hair or brushed his teeth with mint toothpaste or even cut himself shaving. Did Xellos grow hair on his face? Okay, he knew he grew hair... he tried to forget the color he had found underneath the towel. But he had never shaven before when he was human. He'd have to learn how. And putting on colognes and getting black eyes. Well he would eventually, if he kept acting like Xellos.
Plunked in the bed noisily squeaking as he fidgeted. There could be no more wonderful body to get tired in and then relax. There, sleeping in his new underwear. Maybe this wasn't horrible experience. He wasn't going to get another chance like this.
****
"What's that squeaking bed?" Lina asked herself.
"This is one of those hotels. I think we're above the honeymoon suite."
"It sounds like they were jumping."
****
Zellos did a back flip and laughed.
"Somersault."
****
Lina didn't want to say where she saw Zelgadis walking with Amelia, but let the subject pass tactfully. Especially when she heard Amelia's whooping caterwaul in the distance. Wow. Maybe it wasn't always the quiet ones.
"Lina. There was something I never got to tell you today."
"What?"
"Well it's..."
A loud noise came from the night.
"YEEEEEEOOOOOW GO Go go!" Xelgadis howled in the distance.
"Don't pull back. We're almost there!" Amelia shouted.
They waited until her voice stopped echoing. Lina breathed in. Gourry was transfixed as they both tried to ignore it.
"What was it Gourry?"
"I'm trying to say."
"...Saying."
A huge whooshing noise that came into range.
"What? I can't HEAR YOU!"
The whoosh of a huge object entering the Earth's gravity. Gourry and Lina plugged their ears.
"YOU LOOKED PRETTY! I THINK YOU MAKE A GREAT BEAUTY QUEEN!"
"THANK YOU GOURRY! THAT IS A SWEET THING TO SAY BUT-"
"I MEAN IT, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!"
Amelia clawed her fingers into his back "Okay, okay, okay. Scream!!!"
Xelgadis howled, "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSss!"
Lina tried not to blush.
"OH! WHY, GOURRY I'M SPEECHLESS!"
"WHAT?"
"I'm speechless." Lina sounded out with her lips.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY LINA?"
"NOTHING, I'M NOT SAYING ANYTHING, I'M SPEECHLESS."
"I must have cast a spell to do that." Gourry laughed to himself. "She sure knows how to open her big mouth."
The cabinets began to rattle and the closets emptied.
Lina pointed at her ear.
"I"M GOING TO-" the noise let down.
"What"
"Um um um. This."
Gourry puckered his lips. And it was too clear. Lina smiled, leaned her head in...
Zellos appeared covering his ears. "I'm scared. What's that noise?"
"Alright, alright, I was too polite to admit it- It's Amelia and Zelgadis."
Zellos froze.
"What?"
"They were making the bed springs squeak like they were jumping on it."
"Amelia.... WHAT!!!" Zellos grabbed Lina.
Zellos passed out.
"Wow. You killed another Mazoku," Gourry said.
"Uh oh." She poked Zellos. "If Amelia asks he was trying to take over the city."
"Okay. Poor guy." Gourry shrugged. "He was the smallest monster I ever knew. He also drank the most."
Lina stood up over Zellos's body and looked at Gourry.
"I'm going to-" Gourry stared at her, "Miss him."
"Yeah." Lina stared gooey eyed at him. "He was-"
Gourry leaned in to kiss her again. She grabbed him.
"But Amelia. No No. She she shesheshesheshe. DAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Zellos squealed.
"Hmmm... I guess he's not dead." Lina kicked him.
Zellos clutched his chest "I am going straight to Helle. I've destroyed her! I've... What have I DONE, LINA?"
Lina slapped him turned him around and Gourry slapped on the other cheek.
"Wow, I never thought I'd have to do that to Xellos, except for fun," Lina said.
"Xellos are you going to be..." Gourry asked.
"Oh my god it was last night, I told her. Why didn't I stop her she-Oh my-"
Lina lifted her fist again.
"Oh, losing Zelgadis has made Xellos lose his mind," Gourry whimpered holding her arm.
"He was sane?" Lina asked.
Zellos began bawling like a baby and glomped onto Gourry. "What have I done to her, Gourry?"
"Hold me, and protect me from the scary noises!" Zellos wrapped around Gourry's neck.
"Hey, I'm sorry Xellos, it's too late."
"But she's that's what."
"Look they are crazy about each other."
"You've got that half right," Zellos muttered.
"Xellos-kun isn't that a little long to be holding on to Gourry?"
"He-"
Lina smacked him. And made him lose consciousness.
"What did you do that for? If he wasn't a mazoku I'd say that was mean."
"He 's... he's... Aren't you worried with all that going on between him and... well he's... Aren't you afraid he'll come onto you?"
"Nonsense, he's in love with Xelgadis. And I'm not gay. Silly goose."
"Yes but-"
"I wonder what Amelia and Zelgadis are doing right now?"
*****
Xelgadis deprived of his shirt it the fiery blast from the crater, pulled out cigarettes out of nowhere.
Amelia leaned back.
"Let me borrow your cloak Zelgadis."
Xelgadis passed the cloak to her.
"Where did a sweet little princess learn how to free fall like that?"
"I practice. I knew you would like it."
Xelgadis looked around. "This is nice."
"Hai. You made a nice crater. It will probably make a nice pond."
"I'm sorry I didn't pull up in time."
"But you're alive. I think that's wonderful," Amelia said.
"I can barely blink. I think you will kill me."Xelgadis smiled.
She cuddled into his chest.
Then the strange part began.
"I like looking up at the sky and looking at the clouds. And pretending they are shaped like things. Like Bunnies and Swords and Horses. Look there! A cow."
Xelgadis closed his eyes. Yes there had to be a down side to this whole love thing.
"A tree. A little baby dragon. A pony."
Xelgadis gritted his teeth and prayed for her to get his lung cancer from his second hand smoke. She coughed a little already.
"Oh!" She said with wonder. "Pretty."
A red cloud floated overhead. Amelia looked again. Well it was a nice color, and only because it was making horrible noises and flames were shooting out of it.
"That doesn't look like a good omen."
*****
Lina sighed as she saw the breakfast.
"Oh boy. Breakfast is great," Gourry said, finishing his eighth plate.
Lina ate a bite of egg. "It tastes like pepper."
Gourry pushed the plate aside "Eat a pancake. These are so fluffy!"
"Can I have one?" Zellos asked.
"Sure." Gourry fed him one and wiped his mouth.
Lina grumbled and stole the plate. Then she took a bite "Tastes like peppers."
"You can let me out Gourry," Zellos said. "I've calmed down. I'm not going to go crazy."
"Now now. We'll go find Amelia and she can explain," Lina said
"Waffle Xellos-kun?"
"I can barely make it through these blintzes."
She put the plate in her mouth. "Everything tastes like peppers!!!! It's horrible."
"Can we go now? We've got to save Amelia." Zellos struggled. "I see now I was being flaky, a little unhinged. I'm embarrassed at what I was saying. Now please untie me."
Xellos was tied in plain ordinary hempen ropes to the chair underneath him. Surely the inn owners wouldn't mind if it spared a girls life and possibly the city.
"Well, maybe..."
Lina hit Gourry. "No. He'll just go flying after them in a jealous rage. Don't you read romance novels?"
"I think we can trust him." Gourry argued.
"Maybe he's just..."
Zellos cast a small spell and burned the rope.
"I think we can trust him," Gourry said.
Zellos snapped free, "I'm going to kill them."
"We've got to stop him! It's all your fault!"
Xelgadis was looking at another section of sky. A section of sky filled with a purple streak. He gulped.
"No."
They heard a crash.
"Xel! You heartless disgusting fiend!"
They saw Zellos flying like a bullet towards them, wielding the staff.
"Um what is that? What is he doing with that?" Xelgadis began to tremble "What is he doing?"
"Xel!!! You nasty despicable-"
"Zelgadis, he's gone mad! I don't know! Xellos is after me! Is he after me?"
She glomped Xelgadis.
Behind him, Lina was flying. "Don't do it, Xellos. You like Amelia!"
"No, not a good omen."