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I sit in my rocker, staring out at the sunset as it bounces off the beautiful sea. This balcony has served me a thousand sunsets before, and it would be a shame if it didn't continue to do so.
The sunset helps me think.
"Grandma!" a little girl of 5 squeals, dashing up behind me. She places her little hands on my frail old knees and grins excitedly. "I'm happy to see you!" she reaches up and gives me a hug. I smile down at her as she pulls away.
"It's good to see you to, Masaharu." I say, and I really mean it. I haven't seen my granddaughter in over a month, and when you're my age, you feel very alone when you discover that most of your friends have already moved on and are probably watching you from above.
"Daddy said we should come and see you, it's been too long." the little green-eyed girl continues seriously.
"Yes, it has." a male voice from behind me says. I get out of my rocker to greet him. "I missed you, mother." He bends over, giving me a peck on the cheek. It's a soft kiss, but I feel as though an indent will be left on my cheek. I'm easily worried by trivial things these days.
I look at Shoji, my son. His hair is a really dark brown. Some say it's black, and I can see why. He gets the hair from his father. His eyes are an emerald green, and they are bright, like mine once were. His eyes are his only feature that do not come from his father.
I feel myself growing very suddenly sad, and I tell Shoji that I'm going for a walk and that I would like to be alone please. He looks concerned but at the same time, his 35 years of life provide him enough wisdom to understand.
My feet leave imprints in the sand along the shore. I walk slowly, like the aging woman I can finally admit I am. If you had asked me 5 years ago, I would have said lied and said I was 40. But things change. I sigh sorrowfully and think of Shoji's father... my late husband. My dear husband died in a car accident 5 years ago, and that's when my life seemed to end. The twinkle from my eyes is now gone, and I don't smile as much as I used to. I miss him so much... his dark hair, his amber eyes that would look down at me with love and care and honesty. When he died I almost didn't want to live anymore. If it weren't for that one person in my life, I don't think I would have. I loved my husband with all my heart, but I know he wasn't my soulmate.
Hitomi? the deep voice echoes in my mind and I pause, letting the water sink into my sandals. Is everything alright?
I smile. He never fails to be there for me when I'm in a turmoil. I'm fine, Van. I return in the strange thought-speak we managed to maintain through our special bond. I was just remembering Tomokazu, that's all.
I'm sorry, Hitomi. he says sincerely. He knows about my late husband, as he was the first person I turned to when he died. Still, I can't help but sense a pang of something else in his voice.
Jealous? I grin.
Maybe. he answers, and I hear the smile in his voice. It's been 44 years since I last saw him, but he still loves me, and I return that feeling. A few years after we were married, I told my husband about Van, about Gaia. I didn't feel right keeping it from him, and I felt guilty because deep down I knew that I loved Tomokazu but that Van was the one I was destined to be with. I was surprised when my husband nodded his head, believing my story and understanding. He told me that he had had a similar experience but he loved me and didn't want to let me go. He was glad that he was spending his life with me, and then in the next he would be with his true love.
Van also married. That memory is still vivid in my mind. At age 21, his advisors told him that he had to marry, there was no way around it. They had already picked out a princess for him. He said he understood and asked for some time alone. They left and that's when he contacted me.
Hitomi? he said, and I could hear his voice wavering. I was working on the computer, on my resume, but I gladly gave it up to talk to the man I loved.
Van! I greeted cheerfully, flopping down on my bed in my small apartment. I sensed the sadness in his voice. What's wrong?
There was a long, excruciating pause before he said, I was just informed by my advisors that I'm to marry Princess Ashina in two weeks.
I was stunned, though I shouldn't have been. I had been expecting such news to come up eventually, so why hadn't I prepared myself? I had always pictured myself in a white wedding dress standing next to Van in front of a priest, but that was just a beautiful fantasy that wouldn't come true because I had not yet found a way to return to Gaia. And even if I had, I wasn't sure if I wanted to give up my life on Earth just yet. My mouth went dry and I didn't say anything, but the tears began to tumble down my cheeks. All my hopes, my fantasies which I had been so sure would turn into reality, had been smashed.
Van could feel me crying. I felt him furrow his brows and he said, Please, don't cry... but I wouldn't stop. I lay on my bed, my face buried in my arms, letting the tears fall. Then, a felt a strong hand on my head, stroking my shoulder-length hair. I was surprised enough that I stopped crying and looked up. There, sitting on my bed looking down at me, was Van. He wasn't fully there, I could see the window was open simply by looking through him. But it wasn't a complete vision, because for the first time, I could feel him. It was strange, but wonderful at the same time, because Van was here, with me.
"Van..." I said, and the tears began again.
"Shhh, don't cry, Hitomi." he brushed the tears away as he looked into my eyes. He slowly wrapped his arms around my slim waist, pulling me into his embrace. My head rested on his shoulder and he resumed stroking my hair.
"It's as if the Gods are giving me this one moment to hold you." he whispered.
"I don't want it to end." I added softly.
"I am so sorry, Hitomi." Van began anew. "I never knew of the rule that says I have to marry when I reach the age of 21. I never thought I would end up marrying some princess from Basram who I don't even know or love. I was always waiting for you to return, trying to find a way to bring you back to me. I... I never did."
I had stopped crying, listening intently, loving the way his lips moved as he spoke.
"I know now that I have to marry this princess, my advisors and my kingdom depend on it. I just wish that... that I could marry you."
I drew in a sharp breath and my eyes began to water again. Van pulled me out of his embrace and pressed his forehead to mine, looking into my eyes.
"No matter what happens," he said, his voice shaking and a single tear forming in his eye, "I want you to know that I will always love you, Hitomi, more than anything."
The tears ran down my face at the sweetness of his confession. "And I will always love you, Van." I choked out."Forever."
"Forever." he echoed. He pulled his forehead away from mine, but then leaned back in towards me to give me a quick kiss on the lips. We were both surprised by the warmth of such a small peck, and Van, that having been his first kiss, leaned back in. This time this kiss lasted longer, and was more serious. Soon we were kissing desperately, knowing that he would have to leave soon, never wanting it to be over. Our fingers entwined as the kiss deepened, but as they say, all good things must come to an end. Van eventually pulled back but did not let go of my hands.
"I love you." he whispered again. "I wish I could stay but I think my time here is up." I nodded sadly, in disbelief that this was happening. Slowly he cupped my face in his hands, and kissed my forehead, my cheeks, and then my mouth one last time.
"Van..." I croaked, when he became more transparent. I threw my arms around him. "I love you." I said. "And will always be with you." we held onto each other for dear life, but soon I found myself holding an empty space. Van was gone.
Two weeks after that incident, Van married Princess Ashina of Basram. We continued to communicate, laughing like old friends as we secretly plotted ways to be rid of Ashina and bring me to Gaia to be Van's wife once and for all. Most of the ideas were Van's, cooking up plans like take her flying and then leave her on some small island in the middle of the sea, or dress her up to look like me and leave her on Earth to try and survive, taking my place as I was taken back to Fanelia. Every day he had a new idea, and was able to make me laugh. We talked as lovers, whispering sweet nothings, and we chatted as good, strong-bonded friends. On some occasions we giggled like schoolgirls as he thought up something completely insane in order to rid himself of the princess.
Then, one morning, he called out to me, waking me up. His voice was sombre as he told me that the Princess was 3 months pregnant.
I didn't cry as much this time, and Van didn't appear again so that he could tell me that he loved me. I took it like the adult I had grown to be, nodding my head and understanding. It was inevitable that it would happen. Van needed a heir to the throne, that was certain. But just thinking that he had done something like that with someone else really stung me.
Don't think like that, please. he begged me in thought-speak. She means nothing to me... but the advisors insisted that I needed a heir... please, I'm sorry.
I understand, don't worry.
I didn't feel hate for Princess Ashina. From the way Van described her, she wasn't like those snobby princesses. She had a good heart, and loved Van for who he was, not because of his royal ranking. Soon she gave birth to her son, whom had been named Folken out of the love Van had for his late brother.
The years progressed, and Van and I continued to stay in contact. I was 25 when I met Tomokazu. A year later, I admitted to Van that I had fallen for this man. Van then admitted that he had grown rather fond of Ashina. We were both happy for each other, happy that we wouldn't spend the rest of our lives wishing for what couldn't be. But to this day, we have kept in touch.
Your mind is ablaze with memories today, isn't it? Van smiles and I can sense him remembering our first kiss. Well it was actually wasn't mine. I had been kissed a few times before by the blond knight, my old infatuation. I suddenly feel sad again. Allen died 3 years ago. Men don't live very long on Gaia. I find myself worrying about Van.
Don't worry about me, he says. I may be old, but not that old. My wings are only slightly grey. he chuckles. Sorry, Ashina is calling me. But before I go, are you feeling any better?
Whenever I talk to you, I feel better.
So do I. a grin spreads over his lips and he starts singing a few lines from a song I heard long ago and relayed it to him. Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm 64?
I laugh and say, Of course. Don't keep your queen waiting. Or your grandchildren, for that matter, I can sense them in the background. Say hi to Ashina, Folken and Raine for me. he told them about his communication with me, and Ashina understands.
The conversation ends and I continue to walk along the beach.
10 years later...
Once again I am sitting in my faithful rocking
chair, thinking. I think mournfully of Van, who has lost almost everything
now. His wife died 4 years ago, and then there was the passing of his best
friend and sister, Merle, last year. He also lost his daughter-in-law to
a carriage accident, and none of our friends from when we were teenagers
are still alive except for Chid. Folken still has his daughter, Ellone,
but she moved away to Cesario last year and he hardly ever sees her.
"Grandma." says a young woman behind me. She smiles
and bends over to embrace me. Her eyes still twinkle a beautiful emerald
green and I'm somewhat jealous. She has grown into a beautiful teenager,
looking remarkably similar to me at my 15th year.
"Masaharu." I say, and smile. "But where is your
father?"
"Dad will be here soon. He had urgent business to
take care of, and asked me to tell you that he'll be a little late."
"That's alright," I say, though my smile has faltered
slightly. But this news is good at the same time; it gives me time to speak
with Van. I make a point of doing that everyday, an attempt to cheer him
up. I ask Masaharu if she would like to do me a favor and buy some ingredients
for supper down at the grocery store. She nods her head, and I scribble
down a list of random items that in truth, I already have, but I need a
good excuse to be alone.
"I'll be back in about 45 minutes!" she exclaims
cheerily. "Or sooner. I'll try to beat my time on the way there."
I smile. She is so much like I was at that age.
Van, I concentrate. Are you there?
There is a long period of dead air and I
worry that he's tuned me out or that I've interrupted something important.
But then, at last: I'm here, Hitomi. his voice has lost most of
its excitement for adventure that it used to hold years ago.
How are you?
I feel him smirk ironically. I wish I
could say 'good', but my healer says otherwise.
My heart stops. What?
I'm getting old, far too old. According to my
healer, I don't have much life left in me.
No! I shriek, and the tears start down my
face.
Don't cry, my sweet Hitomi. he says gently.
Please don't cry.
The days have passed too quickly, and on
each one of them I spend hours talking to Van. I can't stand the thought
of losing him, so I make every conversation count. I feel him growing weaker,
and it's unbearable.
It's the 5th day since Van informed me that he didn't
have long left to live. I wake up early, wanting to watch the sun rise
and contact him at the same time. I reach out to him with my mind.
Van? there is no answer. Five minutes go
by and my lip starts to tremble. Is this it? Is he gone?
Then, a voice enters my head, but it is not Van.
Hitomi? he says.
Suddenly, a bright pillar of light encircles me
and my frail body is lifted upwards. I arrive in the Fanelian castle, in
the king's chambers. There is someone lying in the bed. He has white, messy
hair, and his eyes are closed. But I know who it is.
"Van!" I cry, rushing over to him. "No, no no! You
cannot die on me!" I let out heavy sobs.
"Hi..tomi." the figure in the bed croaks. His voice
is raspy. His eyes flutter open and he looks at me tenderly. "You came
back." he still wears the pink pendant around his neck.
"Van!" I exclaim, thanking God that he is alive.
He smiles weakly. "My time here is almost up. But
I'm glad that I'm spending my last minutes with the person I love more
than anything. I kept my promise, Hitomi. I never stopped loving you."
"I never stopped loving you either." the tears are
cascading down my cheeks as I kneel by his side, but I don't notice them.
Van's breath is growing shorter, and I can feel
my own heartbeat start to slow down.
I stand up shakily, carefully leaning over and pressing
my lips onto his wrinkled forehead. He reaches his boney hand up to caress
my cheek, and brings my head down so that our foreheads are touching...
just like they were when we shared our first kiss 54 years ago. He entwines
his long fingers with my own.
"I will always be with you," he whispers with his
last breath.
"Forever?" I ask weakly.
"Forever."
Folken Fanel stands in front of a carefully designed gravestone, set up in the Fanelian family cemetery. In his left hand, he holds a collection of flowers. In his right, he holds his daughter's hand. He realeases his grip on her as he kneels in front of the monument which reads,
Folken gingerly places the flowers down on the grave where both his
father and his father's soulmate are buried. He whispers a prayer for them,
and then returns to Ellone. Together, they walk back to the castle.
High up above in the Heavens, angels watch the two
worlds from above. Tomokazu sits with Ashina, his soulmate, watching Shoji
and his granddaughter as they grow. Dryden Fassa walks with his hand clasped
around Millerna's. Merle has entered in a conversation with Allen and Celena.
An aqua-haired man watches in amusement as Naria and Eriya argue that Naria
has been hogging Lord Folken far too often. The young members of the Crusade
laugh over some crack that Reeden made about the Commander's hair. Marlene
and Eries embrace, happy to be reunited, as Duke Fried watches over his
aging son and grandchildren. Balgus argues about techniques with the other
three samurai of Fanelia.
Off in their own little place, away from all the
activity, two fifteen year-olds sit contently. The light brown-haired girl
is leaning against the raven-haired boy, who has his strong arm around
her waist. Beautiful pure white wings from his back have torn holes in
his red top, but he doesn't care. His hand is entwined with the girl's,
and they both smile at the blissfulness of the moment. A faint humming
is coming from the boy, a tune that played about a hundred years before,
by a group from the Mystic Moon. The girl grins and stares into his eyes,
which are sparking playfully and passionately. He lowers his lips to hers
and slowly, his wings wrap around the couple, giving them privacy from
the others, who they realize are watching with knowing smiles on their
faces.
09.08.01